How To Easily Think Your Way to Happiness

Ben Rosett Happily Ever After FB blog
Photo: Ben Rosett

Everyone is born with unique talents. That includes you.

You also come with tendencies. Tendencies leaning toward expressing those talents. Feeling those tendencies then following them will change your life.

It is not possible to come to earth with no passions, skills, strengths or direction. Are you feeling like you have none of these? Are you bored about life? Feel stuck in a rut? The problem isn’t what you’re doing. It’s how you’re thinking.

You brought everything with you needed to live your greatest life ever. Living your greatest life ever includes consistent happiness.

Happiness is an emotion you conjure deliberately. When you don’t, it comes and goes.

Here’s the secret to living your greatest life ever: Be happy first. Then everything you want comes easily.

There’s a reason you feel bored or tired or sad or unfulfilled. It’s saying “How you are thinking right now needs to change if you want what you want.”

· · ·

Ask someone “what is the purpose of emotions?” You won’t get the answer you just got. Yet it is the key to everything you want.

Not many people know you can become happy in a few seconds no matter what is happening. Not knowing this, happiness is fleeting.

But happiness can be permanent. Learning to conjure happiness is all it takes.

“How do you conjure it?” you ask.

We’ll get to that. But first, let’s spend some time exploring why being happy first gets you all you want.

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Happiness is the key to everything. It’s more than just an emotion. (photo: Artem Bali)

Happy matters…a lot

What if you had two options:

Option A:

Work your ass off. Struggle. Scramble to network and contact. Try to find people you need on your side. Then, some time later….through all kinds of trials and struggles…you make it. Whatever “it” is for you.

It’s a great story to tell. “War wounds” galore. Maybe your marriage failed along the way. Or you have a substance abuse problem. Or you developed an anxiety disorder in the process.

But hey, you made it!

Maybe you’re happy. Maybe you’re satisfied. Maybe?

Sure you might be rich. But you might not be. And if you are, you might lose it. A lot of successful people fear losing their success.

That’s not being happy.

Option B:

Be happy first. Tap into your Broader Perspective so you can feel your tendencies. Then learn to follow them.

This way, happiness comes in two or three minutes instead of after you make it. At that point, you have what you want: you’re happy.

But it doesn’t end there.

The right people, the right timing, the right resources, the right events all happen with little effort on your part. Day after day, what you want starts happening.

You’re getting what you’re wanting. Struggle, stress and anxiety free.

Along the way, your connection to Broader Perspective grows. You lose fears, including the fear of death. Anxiety goes away. Worry does too. You realize you’re eternal. Life becomes fun. And happiness becomes permanent.

To us, the choice is clear. Option B happens exactly like this. Here’s why that is, and why happiness matters.

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Photo: Hans Vivek

Happiness more than an emotion. It serves a critical purpose. It tells you when your life condition matches your Broader Perspective’s condition.

Your Broader Perspective is the you you are projecting yourself from, into this physical reality. You’re “here” on earth. But you’re also “there” in the timeless, spacious present we call the “moment of becoming“.

The moment you decide you want something, you have it in the spacious present. But you don’t get what you want in physical reality as quickly. Why? Because things happen slower here. That’s a good thing.

How many times have you said, for example, something like “I wish my boss would die, that bastard!” or “I wish I never married my husband!” or “I wish you were never born”?

It’s a good thing you don’t immediately get what you want.

Things don’t have to happen as slow as they do either. They can happen faster. What’s slowing them up? We’re going to tell you.

Planisphæri_cœleste blog
Photo: Frederik de Wit

You have Broader Perspective. It knows all potential outcomes. It knows All That Is. It knows everything you want. It has everything you want. It knows how you can have all you want.

What would that part of you feel? Wouldn’t it be happy, excited, free, joyful and fulfilled?

Your Broader Perspective is you. So is the you here on Earth. When you’re feeling happy, excited, free, joyful and fulfilled, you see the world the same way your Broader Perspective sees it. Seeing the world that way tunes you to your Broader Perspective.

When you’re in tune, you’re able to hear messages it’s sending you. Messages leading you to what you want.

That you can feel happiness (or not happy) is how you tell if you’re tuned to your Broader Perspective. When you’re happy, you’re in tune. When you’re not, you’re not in tune.

The less in tune you are, the less you can hear your messages. Life is harder when you can’t hear your messages. That’s why being happy first is so important. It tells you when the communication channel between you and you is open.

So happiness must be something you can conjure at will. Otherwise you couldn’t hear what you’re sending. It’s important because it tells you you and the broader you are in synch. When you’re in synch, you can hear the messages. Follow them and you get what you want.

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Back to the question: “how do you conjure happiness”?

The answer is: by learning to think deliberately.

· · ·

How you think is important.

Yet hardly anyone teaches “how to think” in school or anywhere else.

You can learn how to think critically. Or how to think like an engineer. Or a lawyer. That instruction teaches how to be productive in a given field.

But hardly anyone is teaching how to think so you can be happy in life.

Here are practical steps on how to think.

Think your way to happiness

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Photo: Aaron Huber

Usually people think happiness happens when something they want happens.

  • I get a new car. I’m happy!
  • I get a raise. I’m happy!
  • I had a great time last night. I was happy!
  • When I meet the guy of my dreams, I’ll be happy!

Happiness does happen that way. But only when people don’t know what you’re reading.

As we wrote above, happiness can be a permanent condition. It’s actually supposed to be that way. Meaning, it can happen in sucky situations too. It all depends on how you think. Not what is happening.

Let’s say you’re at work. You’re bored to death. Or maybe you didn’t get that promotion. Maybe you discovered you make less than your equally-skilled peers. Maybe you’re losing your job.

Your boredom, disappointment, anger or fear is not happiness.  That means you’re not tuned into your Broader Perspective. You’re not deliberately thinking.

But you can be tuned in. And you can be happy now. How?

Think of something positive long enough until happiness shows up. It’s that simple.

So you’re in your office. Something’s happening. You feel negative.

Turn your attention to something that pleases you.  The clothes you’re wearing, for example. Perhaps they are some of your favorite clothes. Think about how much you like those clothes. How well they fit, how good you look in them. Think about the compliment you got on the bus on the way to work.

It would go like this:

  • I really like how I look in this
  • I like how I feel in this
  • These clothes make me look (hot, professional, skinny, etc)
  • I look (hot, professional, skinny, etc)
  • I like looking (hot, professional, skinny, etc)
  • I like feeling (hot, professional, skinny, etc)

You could do this about a coworker or a person in your office you might have special feelings for. Think about how much you like that person. Think about how much you like talking with them, how they make you laugh maybe. Think specific thoughts about them like the ones above:

  • I’m so glad so-and-so is in my life
  • I’m eager to see how this might turn out
  • It was cool so-and-so said hi to me
  • I feel like I’m back in high school
  • It’s fun to have a crush!

Maybe you really like the way you have your office organized. Think about how much you like organization. Think about how good that feels to you. Think about how good it feels to you to turn a messy desk into an organized one. Think specific thoughts about it like the ones above:

  • I really like being organized
  • I like having everything in their place
  • It feels good to be organized
  • I feel best when my space is ordered
  • It’s nice to see clutter turn to order

Your thinking doesn’t have to be monumental. It only needs to trigger positive feelings. How and why this happens is too detailed for this piece. We’ll describe the mechanics another time.

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Photo: Oleg Ivanov

While thinking these thoughts, pay attention to your feelings. First you feel boredom, disappointment, anger or fear. But as you think on purpose, you’ll feel different. It might be pleasure or mirth. It might be satisfaction. It might be relief. It might be self admiration. It may be pride. Or humor. Or love.

All these emotions tell you you’ve moved from boredom, disappointment, anger or fear, which is not happiness, to something closer to happiness.

These things you’re thinking about are in your current situation. If they weren’t, you couldn’t think about them. When thinking about them, you’re experiencing them. Even though they aren’t in your physical experience.

So turn your attention to them. Not whatever you’re experiencing. You mood will improve.

The moment you notice your mood improve, turn your thinking to that. Acknowledge what you just did. You changed how you’re feeling without changing your situation. Note how much better you’re feeling now. It feels better than you felt just a few moments ago. Congratulate yourself. Say, “Wow, in just a few seconds, I changed my experience from X (negative emotion) to Y (better feelings). That’s pretty neat!” Come up with five or six other thoughts:

  • This is new and exciting.
  • Hmm, I like how this feels
  • I like that I can do this.
  • I feel a whole lot better
  • Wow, now I’m feeling even better!

In a few thoughts, you’ll find yourself thinking different, but related, thoughts:

  • I wonder how far this can go?
  • Could it be this easy?
  • This is actually kind of fun!

As you stay on that track, you might feel or hear your thoughts change. Notice them change to other pleasing things. For example, you might find yourself thinking about the sex you had last night. Focus on that and you’ll find yourself feeling other….er…sensations :-).

Keep it up and your feelings will get increasingly positive. And yet, your conditions haven’t changed.

Practice with obvious things until you’re good at it.  Then move to less obvious thought topics:

  • Think about how cool it is that you woke up today.
  • Or that your body functions mostly without your attention.
  • Or that you really like the color of your house.
  • Or that the sun comes up every day
  • Or that there is plenty of air to breathe

So now you changed your reality. You were feeling negative. Now you’re happy. You’ve also created a new physical reality. Your positive emotions come with physical experiences. A smile on your face, a lighter disposition. You may even see the difference.

But there are changes happening you can’t see. Not at first. Your entire life experience is changing. It is tuning into experiences leading to what you’re wanting. Not just one of those things either. All of them.

In other words, you’re not doing this to feel good. You’re doing this to feel messages your broader perspective constantly sends you. This is where your impulses come in.

Tim foster
Photo: Tim Foster

As you gain more thinking skill something else happens: You get an impulse to do something. It will be subtle. It will be more feeling than words. It might feel like “go to the bathroom”, for example.

Let’s say that’s it. You get the sense to go to the bathroom. You may not have the biological urge to go. So it may make no logical sense. But when you get it, go.

When you do, you might bump into the person you were thinking about. Or you might get a text from your partner. Or a call from someone you’ve been wanting to hear from. You might run into a co-worker who says, “I was just thinking about you.” and offer you something unexpected and surprising.

When that happens, you’ve gotten exactly what we described in the beginning of this post: Things happening with little effort on your part. The only action you took was following your impulse to go to the bathroom.

This is Option B brought to life.

· · ·

You want to practice this until you do it automatically. In the same way you think now. Look at your thoughts. They probably come and go on their own. That’s practiced. You’re not thinking on purpose.

That can change.

The more you practice, the more you’ll get “hunches” or “impulses”. Of course, as you practice, you’ll get what look like false impulses. You’ll take action and it will seem nothing beneficial happened. These are actually true. Something beneficial did happen.

For example, say you went to the bathroom and nothing happened. But something did happen. Feel, then act. Notice how you’re feeling and thinking. You might be thinking “this was dumb”, or “I look like an idiot”.

Those thoughts are telling you something. They are saying “you think what people think about you is more important than getting what you want”. Why else would you care about how you look? Embarrassment is an emotion triggered by this belief. If you’re feeling embarrassment or stupid, you’ve cut off communication between you and you.

Now hear this: You wouldn’t have known this thought is keeping you from hearing your messages if “nothing happened”, right? So somethinghappened:you got clear about something you needed to know to get what you want.

When you feel an impulse after tuning into Broader Perspective, either:

A. Take action immediately. Go talk to that person, go to the bathroom, take a nap or whatever. Then see what happens. If something happens that feels like nothing, refer to this post about “false” results.

B. Wait. Take no action until the feeling to act is so persistent you must follow it. THEN act as in point A above.

At first, you might have a hard time feeling impulses. Getting used to telling the difference between an impulse and a random thought takes practice.

Lesly Juarez blog
Mindfulness, i.e. paying attention will allow permanent happiness. (Photo: Lesly Juarez)

Can you see how this practice turns your life into an amazing adventure? At first, you’ll get a lot of “false” results. But those “false” results aren’t false. Again we describe that paradox here.

Keep going and life fills in with subjects and interests and people matching your passions, skills, strengths and desires. You’re now following your tendencies and they are leading you to all you’re wanting.

But…

Doing this process once or twice it’s not enough. You’ll feel good for a moment. But your old habit (automatic thinking) will return. This is why people who try these things end up failing. They don’t apply themselves enough.

Want to get everything you want and live happily ever after? Repeat these steps over and over. For how long? Until thinking this way is as natural as the way you think now.

Then you’ll become your Broader Perspective. Then you have it all, including lasting happiness.

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