I ❤️ What Happens When I’m Positively Focused

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Photo by the author

The Universe amazes me in small ways. These small ways are how I know that big things I want are coming. Because of that, I rest easy about life most of the time.

I’m getting better at making “resting easy” my full-time attitude. I know the better I get at that, the more I’ll see how much my personal trinity showers me with blessings.

Characteristic of my trinity is its recursivity. They’re like a fractal. Every part of my life, large or small, reflects that which makes up All That Is, the Universe and my Inner Being. As well as the processes used which make reality reality.

It’s why I know things always work out.

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Illustration by the author

Case in point: one Thursday not too long ago. It was an amazing day. Full of epiphanies and one of three peak days that week.  I’ll share the whole, fascinating story in a couple months. Things are still “unfolding” as they say.

Today I’ll tease you with one nugget.

 

When You Think, It Is.

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Photo by the author

A bicycle is my primary transportation mode. Portland is bike friendly. People ride bikes year round here, even though it rains most the year. In late spring though, it’s perfect riding weather. Not too cold or hot. Not as much rain. That brings out a lot of “fair weather riders”.

Like myself.

I mean, I do ride in the rain sometimes…

Anyway, Thursday I was riding home from a couple great appointments. Downtown Portland, where the meetings were, is about six miles from where I live. I love taking this route home. It’s just long enough to get a workout, but not so long it exhausts me.

I got my bike tuned up a couple seasons ago, making a fresh tune up past due.  As I rode up a hill on the way home, the gears shifted on their own, making a loud racket and causing a hitch in my bike get-along.

I thought “hmm. My bike needs a tune up.”

That’s all that happened. Something happened in physical reality. Then in my head a thought occurred.

I’ve noticed something while getting better at creating reality.  If I ever-so-briefly hold an idea of what I want, then let it go, that thing I want happens fast. Usually within the day.

If I stew about what I want, if I keep thinking about it, it usually takes much longer to happen. Strange, isn’t it?

I think that happens because, in the first case, I don’t put attention on the absence of what I want. I don’t have time to think about it. The thought comes. Then goes.

So it’s a pure request. Unhindered by negative thought. I’m told that if a request is pure, it is answered immediately. Resistance is inherent to physical reality. So I don’t expect instant manifestation. Same-day manifestation is pretty quick though.

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Illustration by the author

Bigger things I want, such as a huge amount of money, are taking longer only because my old beliefs slow things down. But I’m getting better about letting those beliefs subside. I’m also getting better at replacing them with ones more consistent with what I want.

Old beliefs like “I have to work a job to get money” I’m replacing with “money naturally happens in my life”. Beliefs like “it’s impossible to just have money show up like magic” I’m replacing with “everything is possible”.

How do I know this process works? Because more things are happening like what I’m sharing.

So on Thursday, when I thought about needing a bike tune up, the thought came. I thought it. Then let it go. I didn’t think about how much tune ups cost. I didn’t think about the hassle of scheduling one. I didn’t think about being without my primary (and most enjoyable) transportation.

Three quarters of a mile down the road something happened. I’m among a group of riders. We’re all heading from downtown. It’s after five. Bicycle commuters are overflowing the bike lane. It’s a normal late Portland Spring day.

Except, it’s not normal.

Three quarters of a mile past that hill where my gears puttered, there’s a guy on the road’s shoulder. He has a bike stand – one of those things you clip a bike to that suspends bikes in the air so you can work on them. He’s in shorts, t-shirt and blue latex gloves. At his ankles is a sign. It reads something like “Get bike advice”.

I ride past him.

In the 12 + years I’ve taken this route home, never have I seen this guy. Yet, here he is. On this day. Passing him, I get an intuition to turn back. It’s a strong one.

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My Inner Being has written in this blog about “intuitions” and “impulses”. They say these are communications from them. Urgings which, if followed, lead me towards what I’m wanting. So many times over the years, following their urgings resulted in surprising and delightful encounters. Encounters with people. Encounters with circumstances and events which, like they promise, end with me getting what I want.

So when I rode past Dan (his real name), my intuition pinged. Hard. I couldn’t resist turning back.

Of course, I’m not always great at following my intuitive impulses. Sometimes I miss them. Sometimes I hear them, then don’t follow them. Lately, my Inner Being has been urging me about getting better at immediately following these impulses.

Given ambitions I have, I know they’re helping me get better at this. They know doing so will get me what I want even faster than it happens today. Which already is pretty fast. This story is a great example. In fact, the whole week overflowed with poignant results. Results you just can’t make up!

Dan on my bike
Photo by the author

About half a mile past Dan, I decided to turn back. When I returned, I asked Dan if he would be willing to tune my gears up. And if so, how much he’d charge me.

“Yes I can tune them,” he said. “I’ll also show you how to do it. And, I’m not wanting any money. I’m doing this to help riders. That’s all.”

That’s all? Wow, I thought. That’s AWESOME.

When he said that, I knew this was the Universe responding to my “request”. After the week I was having. After the day I was having, how could it not be?

Only after hearing Dan say this did I realize a couple things. One, I was willing to pay a bike shop like $100 to get my bike tuned up. Two, I also thought about looking on YouTube to learn how to do it myself. My Inner Being knew all this, and here they delivered an “in-person YouTube” lesson!

And you know what? Tuning up bike gears is easy!

Dan showed me how to do it. It took a minute or less. I shook my head. To think I was willing to pay someone almost $100 for a minute’s work when the Universe organized it at no cost!

My ride home after that felt like floating on a cloud. I was on a natural high.

· · ·

It’s these demonstrations which tell me I’m connected to my personal warehouse of blessings. That and how I feel on the daily. I’m feeling happier and happier the more I maintain positive focus. My Inner Being tells me there’s no upper limit how happy I can get. I think that’s so cool.

The more happy I get, the more my personal trinity, in small and large ways, shows me that life is easy. It shows me I can relax in my blessedness.

It’s these small events, happening more and more these days, which tell me my bigger desires are on their way too.

For me, manifestation is great. But manifestations are the spice which make the main event tasty. The main event, where I put most of my attention these days, is how great I feel. I feel great knowing the Universe not only has my back, it’s got my entire life in its hands.

So I can rest easy.

Why Life Gets Greater When I Embrace Optimism

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I enjoy seeing little things happening in my life. These little jewels along my journey are how I know big things are happening too.

Big things like seeing my creations appreciated by many. Or getting notes from people saying my expression benefits them.

I know a happy life comprises many happy-life moments. But happy moments don’t make me happy. I get happy first. Then happy moments happen.

Yesterday a little thing happened. It would have amazed me had not so many of these kinds of things happened before. Instead, it confirmed what I already know: I’m on my path. Life is a joyride. I create my reality. And these kinds of things happen all the time.

I’m sharing this because sharing is part of how I appreciate what I know.

· · ·

I had a wonderful brunch with a long-time friend and his partner. It’s timely because I am appreciating more these days my own queerness as a trans-attracted person. It wasn’t missed on me that all this embracing who I am is happening right around Pride Month.

Nor is it surprising that my life is changing in big ways. These changes too prove appreciation creates an awesome life. An awesome life on every level. Life tunes up to one’s heightened positivity. The more optimistic I get, the greater my life gets.

After a wonderful time with Kyle and “Josh”, I hopped on my bike. I headed to a secluded spot along Portland’s Willamette River. According to their schedule, Navy ships visiting Portland would be leaving in the hour. This secluded spot would be perfect to see them.

An hour passed. No ships.

But what did happen was way more satisfying.

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A section of the winding, bumpy downhill road. Where it all happened. (Photo by the author)

On my way to the riverside, I rode down this very steep, very bumpy road. It runs about a mile from the University of Portland down to the river’s edge. I can’t over stress how unmaintained it is. Ruts, potholes separated asphalt, weeds and dirt make that downhill run challenging.

It also rattles the hell out of me and my bike.

I usually ride with ear buds, listening to a podcast or music. This day was no different. two-thirds down the hill, my bike started making a huge racket. So loud I heard it over the podcast.

I got to the bottom of the hill. Then checked my bike. Turns out a fender fastener fell off. The two free parts rattled together as the fender vibrated with every bump.

I had trouble with this before. I tightened it “finger tight” back then. “Finger tight” was not enough apparently.

Ugh! What’s That Noise?

Noises bug me. Whether a squeaky dashboard on a car, or an annoying rattle on my bike, I’d prefer they not happen. So when this racket started, I got annoyed.

But only for a sliver of a split second!

Instead of complaining about the noise, dreading having lost that fastener or worrying that I wouldn’t find it, I stayed neutral. No negativity! That’s my moment-by-moment mantra these days.

An hour later, when I had enough fun at the river, I hopped on my bike. Funny thing was, I had so much fun on the river, I forgot about the missing fastener until just then.

Instead of riding back with that annoying rattle, I found a piece of string on the beach. I used it to “MacGyver” the two metal pieces, so they wouldn’t rattle. I figured I’d ride to the bike shop. They’d probably have a replacement.

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Check out those MacGyver skills!

 

But then my Inner Being offered a different approach: why not meet with the piece that fell off?

My first thought was “forget it. It’s lost. I’ll never find it on that bumpy road. It could have tumbled off the road into the weeds. I was going so fast.”

Jeez. Reading that, I sound like Luke Skywalker in Star Wars:

[Luke sees his X-wing is about to sink into the bog]

Luke: Oh, no! We’ll never get it out now!

Yoda: So certain, are you? Always with you, what cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?

Luke: Master, moving stones around is one thing, but this is… totally different!

Yoda: No! No different! Only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned.

Luke: All right, I’ll give it a try.

Yoda: No! Try not. Do… or do not. There is no try. [Luke tries to use the Force to levitate his X-Wing out of the bog, but fails in his attempt.]

Luke: I can’t. It’s too big.

Yoda: Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship.

Luke: You want the impossible. [sees Yoda use the Force to levitate the X-wing out of the bog and gets flustered when he does it] I don’t… I don’t believe it!

Yoda: That is why you fail.

So for a split second i entertained disbelief. But I caught those thoughts early. I replaced them with more positive thoughts: “I’ll find it.” “This might be an adventure!” “What if I find it?” And “My Inner Being and intuition will lead me to it.”

That’s all I thought. Thinking those thoughts I felt optimistic.

I got on my bike and rode up that steep, bumpy road. I didn’t try to find the fastener. I just rode slowly, enjoying the climb.

That’s when I started weaving back and forth up the road. I didn’t do it on purpose. I was having fun. The fastener was not in my mind.

Then, I happened to look to the right and down…

And there it was!

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See it?

Think of this! I careened down that steep, bumpy, road. It was a mile long. That tiny fastener could have fallen anywhere. In a pothole, a shaded spot, in a rut, into the weeds alongside the road.

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It’s right there…..

It was a literal metaphorical needle in a mile-long haystack.

Yet, here it was. And I rode right to it.

How cool is that?

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There it is!

Life Is Full Of Happy Events When You’re Happy

I didn’t share this earlier, but there was another big co-inciding about that brunch. I’ll share it now.

I know I am a “lightworker”. I came here to uplift humankind during this time of huge change. That’s why I have these creative abilities. I want my creative expression to serve that purpose. I know as it does, I will become more successful.

Several weeks ago, I was day dreaming. Day dreaming is a great way to visualize what I want. So long as I don’t energize the absence of what I want.

The lifestyle I’m visioning includes having a private chef as part of my household staff.

I know that getting what I want is inevitable. On the way to all that, my personal trinity gets involved. It sends me little co-inciding events letting me know what I want is becoming my reality.

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My “Personal Trinity”: All That Is, my Inner Being and the Universe. All working together coordinating my emerging reality.

Remember that breakfast with Kyle and his partner?

Well his partner is an executive chef. He loves cooking. And, not long ago, he was the personal chef to the billionaire wife of a major motion picture company! Motion pictures. How’s that for success through creativity?

Now picture this: here I was sitting across the table from the personal chef of a super-successful creative person. A billionaire!

Coincidence? I say providence. Josh was so gracious. He shared his experiences as a personal chef to a billionaire, the highs and the lows of it, how it works, and what she paid him.

It was an excellent opportunity. I savored that conversation. I knew it was a breadcrumb on the way to my emerging success.

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The process by which I create reality. With a lot of help from my “Personal Trinity.”

There are lots of things happening in my life showing how what I’m doing spiritually shapes my now. My future too.

The same thing is happening in your life.

I know doing my part means being happy. Being easy about my life. Appreciating as much as I can. The more I have done that over the years, the more my experience includes events like the two I’m sharing.

And there’s more coming. It’s what life is about.

Life for me is not about the big dreams materializing. Although that’s part of the path.

For me, the main event of the path is the path. Learning to recognize and appreciate the jewels along the journey.

The key to recognizing them is being positively focused as much as I can. Then watching as my Personal Trinity surprises and delights me.

 

How I Get What I Want Easily

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Photo: Amy Shamblen on Unsplash

The best happiness is conjured. It’s how I get things easily. Getting what I want should be easy. That’s the way life can be for everyone. For me it is.

It hasn’t always been easy.  I had to learn how reality happens before getting what I want came easily. I appreciate what I learned. So I’m sharing it.

In the old days I didn’t know all this. By “old days” I mean a few years ago. 😀

Back then, I got a lot of what I wanted and some of what I didn’t. I got that the same way you likely do. Random!

I became pretty successful, but it was hard work, struggle, sacrifice.

Instead of talking about the old days, I want to talk about today’s days. But I guess I can’t without referring a little bit to the old days for context. 🤷🏽‍♂️

 

How Do Things Happen?

First, let me clarify something: Getting what I want means creating reality.

Many people scoff when “new agers” talk about “creating reality” and “manifesting”. Here’s the thing about that.

A lot of what I want is “real”. Physical events, physical things and, yes, some intangible things too. Like peace of mind. And understanding how life works.

But everything I want, including intangible stuff, must happen in the physical world. I call that “reality”. You probably call it that too.

So getting what I want means experiencing realities different from what I have. New realities that include in them what I want. Somehow, those realities must come about.

How do they come? Aren’t they being created? If so, who or what creates them?

I explored these questions some time ago. I’m glad I got super-clear answers.

· · ·

So when I talk about getting what I want, I’m talking about creating new realities. Realities that weren’t realities before. I’m at the center of “how”. And I’m getting better  proving to myself how that “how” works.

Fig. 1 below shows how I used to create reality. I call it “The Haphazard Way”. Here’s how that process worked for me. Maybe it works for you this way.

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Illustration by the author

 

Reality Needs A Perceiver And It Shapes That Which Perceives

Reality doesn’t exist if there is no perceiver. So reality needs a perceiver for it to “be”. Any consciousness capable of perception will do. In Fig. 1, I’m using me as the perceiver. But it could as well be a dog, bird, cockroach or single-celled organism.

In The Haphazard Way, as perceiver, I look at the world (Step 1 in Fig. 1) and see what’s happening. From that, I choose what I want.

For example, when I was young, I realized having money was a good thing. In high school, I looked at professions where my talents (love of writing, art, etc) would pay most. Then I planned my life to match that trajectory.

So far so good.

But while spending so much time looking at the world, I also couldn’t help see how other people got what I wanted. Sounds normal, right? You set a goal, then look at others’ success as a model for yours.

The problem is, I’m not here to copy what others did. I thought I was. And I succeeded at that for a while. It wasn’t fulfilling though.

I’m a creator. I’m here to do it my way. A fresh way. You are a creator too. You’re not here to copy others.

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llustration by the author

Besides, the majority of humans (like 99.999 percent) create what they want haphazardly (Fig. 1). That works. But it’s not easy. That’s why so many people describe getting what they want as “working your ass off,” “sacrificing”, “paying your dues”, etc. Then they feel proud about that.

Why would I want to copy that? If they knew what I now know, I don’t think they’d feel proud.

But it’s what they know. So I don’t blame them. Instead I say “more power to you!” Because they’re going to need it.

In their reality (Fig. 1), working your ass off (or who you know, or having money, or paying your dues or whatever) is necessary. It’s necessary because they’ve looked at how others have done it. And they are copying that.

I was doing the same. Here’s why I don’t do that now.

 

Living Other People’s Experience By Default

When I copied another’s way, I also accepted their beliefs about reality. Everybody’s doing that. Which is why we have the world we have where pretty much everyone thinks the same way about reality. I thought that way too.

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Illustration by the author

Back to fig. 1: Looking at the world (Step 1) formed beliefs within me consistent with what I was looking at (Step 2). Including other people’s beliefs. If I believed as everyone else, my actions would match everyone else (Step 3). Not my original, pure inspirations.

Beliefs dictate actions in The Haphazard Way

My actions reflected what I believed. Next I’d look at results my actions created (Step 4) to check (Step 5) if they matched my expectations. “Expectations” is another word for “beliefs about the future”. Based on beliefs I got from others, I formed beliefs about the future containing what my acts should produce.

Make sense so far?

Here’s the problem. My adopted beliefs included ways to get what I want. But they also included negative beliefs about the world. About me too.

A major negative belief about the world, which I adopted from others was “there’s only so much to go around”. Another: “I’m in competition for those limited things, whether it’s money, women, cars, etc.” Another: “money doesn’t grow on trees” meaning: it’s scarce.

These are beliefs new agers call “scarcity consciousness”. They make an unlimited thing limited.

My beliefs also included other people’s beliefs about people like me. For example, I had a lot of negative beliefs about being African American and queer. These negative beliefs shaped my self-worth, self-respect and, most important, what I thought was possible.

Maybe you have these too. Where do these come from? I got them looking at the world. I listened to what my parents’ said about the world and believed them. I watched their personal experiences, then formed beliefs from that. I got beliefs from my personal experience. I shaped beliefs listening to TV and radio. I got beliefs from reading stuff.

In other words, I got my beliefs from looking at the world around me (Step 1).

How about you? Where do your beliefs come from? Have you thought about that? Some people I talk with are open enough to say they get their beliefs the same way I did. “I was raised to believe…” is how it usually starts.

Maybe you were “raised to believe…” a certain way too…

Back to Fig. 1.

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Illustration by the author

So when I checked my progress (or lack thereof), I would make up stories reflecting my messed up (inaccurate) beliefs. “This happened because I was black” or, “I can’t do that right” or, “I wish I could do it like that guy”, or “I need money to do that and I don’t have money so…”

The thing is, the world I saw matched beliefs I had. It’s tricky to sort out beliefs I hold from the world I see. They are so intertwined. In reality, they are one. They both reflect each to the other. I know that now.

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Illustration by the author

So no matter what happened from my actions, I interpreted them according to my beliefs. I still do that. That can’t be helped. Life will always reflect my beliefs.

But today, I have a whole new set of beliefs. They come from a new way of creating reality.

What’s interesting is, I wouldn’t have my new way, were it not for the old way.

Life will not differ from how I believe. “Life” is the cycle illustrated in Fig. 1 and 2. Both cycles repeat themselves over and over. Beliefs become automatic. Acts born of beliefs recede into the background. What’s left are results and interpretations.

If I want any part of my reality different, I must change my beliefs. To change beliefs, I must know how they happen. Then use that process differently.

That’s where Fig. 2 comes in.

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Illustration by the author

 

The World Turns From One Thing I See To The Next

I questioned early on why things happened the way they did. So The Haphazard Way helped me. It’s not wrong. I think it serves this exact purpose.

I’m not the only person who knows about this. More are learning it all the time. Here’s how it works:

First, I look at the world (Step 1). But I don’t accept that world as factual. Instead I look at what is and use it to decide not only what I want, but how I would like it to happen.

I don’t think about the specifics of how it could happen. I only think about how it would feel to have what I want (Step 1).

Once I figure that out, I choose beliefs (Step 2) consistent with what I want.  I literally make up beliefs. The more original the better. The beliefs boost the feelings.

Next I hold the feelings the beliefs have boosted. I keep feeling the feelings. I pay as little attention as I can to current reality. Including the fact that it doesn’t contain what I want. I don’t think about what I want either. I only feel how it feels having what I want.

I’m not always successful. But you’d be surprised how little success is needed for this to work.

If/when I’m successful with Fig. 2 Step 2, the universe and the larger part that is me gives feedback, suggestions and impulses about acts to take (Step 3). I try never to act unless I get inspiration. This is important.

Sometimes it takes a long time before I get inspiration. Just ask my wife! 😜

Other times, inspiration comes immediately.

Sometimes I have to sort out where the inspiration is coming from. Old beliefs sometimes draw ideas to me. They sound like “you should be doing….”

The right inspiration doesn’t sound that way.

When right inspiration does come, I try to act immediately (Step 4). Next, I do my best to not look for evidence my acts create. I don’t check. Instead, I use observing the world as fuel. Fuel for more made up beliefs. Beliefs consistent with the reality I am creating, rather than the one I’m looking at.

· · ·

My Inner Being has written in this blog about some results this process produced. It’s going to continue doing that. So many things are happening all the time.

Life has changed for me since using this process. Most important, I’m finding myself happier. Not because I’m getting more of what I want easier, which I am. But because when I’m spending most of my time focusing on positive beliefs, how can that not become a habit? And how can a positive focus turned habitual not produce a reality consistent with that? And how can that not create a happy life?

That’s conjured happiness.

In the end, I want what I want because I think I’ll be happier getting that. When I’m positively focused, I’m already happy. That’s the best place from which to have what I want show up. It takes out the yearning that happens when I seek happiness in getting things.

The best happiness is conjured happiness. I know that now. And thank goodness that I do because it makes getting things easy.

Positivity Is The Secret To The Best Life

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Photo by Ronmar Lacamiento from Pexels

We shared a day in Perry’s life where small “pearls” prove he lives on cloud nine. The less effort you put into trying to get what you want, the easier life gets.

Other people are key. The Universe coordinates other people coming into your life. People showing up are pathways to what you want. The Universe puts them there according to your instruction. When you give it clear instruction, your desires come fast. That’s how life gets easy.

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Drawing by the author

Today we’re sharing more examples from Perry’s life show how easy life can be. Give clear instruction, and the Universe gives you what you want.

· · ·

Last month Perry noticed how much is going right in the world. He trends positive about most things. But that day, amazement was near constant. The world is getting better and better. Even if you think it’s not.

Feeling super-positive that morning, Perry checked his email. Two notification emails mentioned the same long time friend. Let’s call him Leon. One notification came via Facebook. The other via Patreon.

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Perry gets a notification that “Leon” has become a patron

Leon follows Perry’s work with Copiosis.  Turns out last night he decided to support Perry’s work. The Patreon email said Leon became a $20 monthly Patron.

Perry spent a moment enjoying that news. Then he wondered why Leon changed his mind after so long. So he contacted him.

Leon said he now gets the value and power of Perry’s positive focus. So he decided to support spreading the message.

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It was interesting timing. Perry feeling amazement. Then checking his inbox. Then talking to Leon. Good news everywhere.

Leon shared his new-found perspective and understanding. Meanwhile, Perry dashed off a graphic illustrating his perspective. Life gets better and better. Even what appears negative serves life’s positive long game.

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Perry’s graphic showing life’s pendulum.

Perry’s friend agreed, then wrote this:

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Perry thought that was a great idea. If someone could show tangibly, or “prove” what Perry knew is the case, it could help others “see the light” too.

Perry knows of course. For him, it’s not something he “thinks”. Nor is it something he “believes”. There’s a difference between “thinking”, “believing” and “knowing”.

When you “think” something, you’re supposing. It’s not knowing. You’re not sure.

When you “believe” something, you think you “know”. But there’s a difference between the two. Believe something long enough and you can know it. That’s because beliefs create reality (for the person who believes).

But knowing is distinct. It’s visceral awareness confirmed through personal life experience.

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You’re Getting Everything You Want

Ever notice when you want something, yet don’t spend a lot of time or energy trying to make it happen, it happens faster?

You probably don’t notice. You’re not paying attention. So you miss how fast it comes.

It’s a lot like time. When you’re bored, you notice how slowly time passes. You watch the clock. Time seems like it runs backwards.

When you’re engaged and excited, time passes fast. You don’t notice it. When you notice time, like when you’re bored, it passes slow.

Now try this: look at your clock. Watch the clock until the minute changes. Notice how long it takes a minute to pass. Felt like a long time, yes? They say a watched pot never boils…

The same is true with what you want. The more you notice it’s not there, the longer it takes to come.

That’s because when you want something, you notice it’s missing. You think you focus on wanting that thing. But you can’t help notice the opposisite. What you want is not there.

Don’t pay much attention to the thing you want. It will come faster. That’s what happens now in your life. You don’t notice this though because it happens so quick. And because you aren’t noticing it.

In these cases, you notice something you want. Then forget about it. The larger part of you creates it instantly in your moment of becoming. Then it organizes events and people so you can have it in your “reality”.

Because you’re not paying too much attention you make room for the organizing. Then, voila! It shows up.

This happens a lot. So often you don’t notice.

For things you really want, though, it rarely happens this way. It can. But doesn’t.

The reason is obvious. You’re slowing things down. Now that you know what you know, you can fix it. It just takes practice.

· · ·

So here was Perry having this conversation. He agreed with Leon how cool it would be if someone objectively proved the world gets better. But Perry didn’t need this evidence. He knew already. So he didn’t care as much.

It would be nice though if someone did that work. Wrote a book perhaps…

That’s as far as Perry took it. Leon said he has a brother who has a Math PhD. He said he’d ask his brother if he’d look into it. Perry thought this was cool too, but didn’t think too much about that either.

After the conversation, Perry got ready for his dentist appointment. The conversation ended in time for him to get dressed, floss and brush his teeth and walk to the dentist about a mile away.

He arrived ten minutes before his appointment. It was a pleasant walk, in warm sunny weather. Everyone in the office was happy. At least everyone Perry talked with.

Usually, Perry gets his teeth cleaned by Sabrina, his hygienist. At the end of the appointment, the dentist does the exam. This time the dentist was busy with a difficult patient. Perry heard him talking with the patient in the other room. They were talking through an interpreter. The case sounded really difficult.

Dentist blog
Sabrina the hygenist all up in Perry’s grill. (Photo by the author)

Next thing Perry knew, the dentist was there examining his teeth. The hygienist hadn’t finished. Perry asked the dentist what was up.

“I came in to see you now because I’ve got this difficult case over there,” the dentist said. “If I didn’t come do your exam now, it probably would be a while.”

This happens frequently. It’s like Perry’s the center of the universe. Little things remind him. Like a dentist’s Inner Being telling him to examine Perry’s teeth rather than making Perry wait.

Your life works this way too. The more you’re positively focused, the more evidence shows up that life is this way. Or rather, the more you can see that life happens this way. Because it is this way. You just can’t see it.

· · ·

After Perry’s appointment he walked home, teeth shiny and clean. At home an article caught his interest. It was about Andrew Yang, a democratic presidential candidate Perry follows. Two things happened at that point.

Several weeks ago, another friend introduced Perry to people belonging to this thing called the Intellectual Dark Web (IDW). Several of these people’s stories didn’t make sense. They seemed to be progressives, but progressives hated them.

He didn’t understand this. But wanted to.  He also didn’t want to spend a lot of time trying to figure it out. So he didn’t.

On this day, though, he came across this article on Yang. It contained a link to another article. That article was about people in the IDW. The link answered all Perry’s questions. It even introduced Perry to a website created about these intellectual renegades.

Perry remembered a few weeks back thinking “I’d like to know more about what IDW is.”  But didn’t pursue the answer. And here this article fell into his lap.

IDW blog
The IDW: Who are these guys?

Notice the pattern. Perry having a positively focused day. Then a friend becoming a $20/mo. patron. Then a great conversation with that guy. Then a flawless dental appointment, followed by a wonderful walk home. Then an answer to a question he asked a week before. We’re showing you how to give the Universe your instructions.

· · ·

The next day, Perry was talking with someone who responded to a story he published on Medium. There, Perry shared the same pendulum graphic he shared with his friend on Facebook. The commenter wrote back, suggesting a book from the author Steven Pinker.

Steven Pinker blog

Perry never heard of this book or the author. When he read it, it amazed him.

Remember Perry’s friend, Leon, said it would be a good idea if someone proved what Perry knows? That’s what Steven Pinker did in his book! It describes exactly what Leon wanted to know.

Of course, Perry told Leon.

Now it should be mentioned a LOT of people disagree with this book’s thesis. We do too. So does Perry. Reality is SUBJECTIVE. You make it what it is. That “what is” is “for your eyes only”, which is a really great James Bond film…

The point is, the planet and reality are both “big”. Big and sophisticated enough to hold all perspectives.

Which is why Perry needs no objective evidence for his knowing.

Still, were all these events, which happened in the course of a few days, coincidence?

We know the answer is “no”. So does Perry. Perry knows when you’re positively focused, life is this way. It’s this way for people who aren’t positively focused too. But they don’t see it.

They don’t see it because what they’re getting is consistent with their life-view.  See the world as negative, the world is that way. If you think things can’t change, they don’t.

Life gets better for everyone. Even negative people. But not nearly as fast as it could.

And it’s far less fun.

Want to be in on the fun? Then you gotta be positively focused. Here’s how to start, today.

How To Have Easy Conversations With Conservative People

Joshua Ness Converstation FB blog
Photo: Joshua Ness

There is rancor in America and elsewhere. No time more than today is communication proficiency, self control, presence of mind and command of intention needed.

Also needed: compassion, honesty, openness and vulnerability.

As a progressive, if you’re expecting conservatives bring these, satisfaction is not in your future. Conservatives are scared and for good reason.

When a human being is scared, they do and say irrational things. Scared people try controlling environmental factors by any means necessary. If they’re scared enough, they’ll get violent.

These acts are typical for any human. Not only conservatives.  Progressives verge on similar insecurity-fueled irrationality. The Anti-facists are a great example.

But progressives have no basis for their fear. They are winning.

Conservatives have a LOT of basis for their fear. A biological basis, as we pointed out here. The future – our collective future – offers lots too. It threatens everything they hold dear.

We therefore offer this guide to progressives. Progressives are best positioned to make history. Not by changing conservative minds. But by changing how they approach conservatives.

This guide presents a path forward. Life-changing,  gratifying conversations with conservatives are possible. Conversations that can change opinions are too. These are sorely needed, but they’re not happening today’s social discourse. Not enough anyway.

This opinion-changing must happen on an individual-by-individual basis. Influence on such an insignificant level can change nations.

It’s amazing what happens when a person feels heard. It’s also amazing we get so many positive responses from conservatives, such as this one:

“Thank you for your kind thoughts. It is refreshing to connect with someone with whom I can discuss some of the challenges confronting our society without the rancor too often associated with such discussions. We do have our differences…”

Progressives don’t need to change the world. They need to change their approach.

So what follows describes practical, sure-fire approaches. They will work.

However, you must practice them. Becoming genuinely proficient with them will transform your experience. Not only with your conservative fellow Americans, but anyone you disagree with.

But….and it’s a big one: if you’re not genuine in your desire to form real human bonds with a fellow human being; a human being you right now may consider your existential enemy, you will not get far. Your desire to connect with this other human must be sincere. These are not debating tactics.

 

Your Ground Rules

Before offering the approaches let’s set your ground rules. Your rules of engagement. Not engagement with the prospective conservative. We’ll talk about that later.

These rules of engagement are for how you will engage your humanity and your brain in service of your cause. Which is to connect meaningfully with a human you may currently consider your enemy and, through that connection, have an inspiring positive experience via conversation.

So here are your ground rules:

  1. You will not allow words to trigger your well-honed sensitivity to offense. Words are just that. Words. You are not under threat. Even if a threat is offered, they are words. A real threat is immanent behavior likely resulting in serious personal injury. Not someone’s lips moving. Maintain your calm no matter what is said. Better yet, replace your sensitivity to offense with a healthy sense humor. 
  2. Your goal is connection. Not winning. You are not trying to persuade a conservative to become progressive. Conservatives serve a beneficial purpose within humanity. Your goal is connection. So you can fulfill your primary and secondary intents and commitments, outlined below.
  3. Your primary intent/commitment is: understanding. You must be clear and rigid in your desire to hear, understand and inquire further into what the conservative believes.
  4. Your secondary (but no less important) intent:  finding commonalities between you and your conservative conversation partner.

Follow these ground rules while applying approaches described here. You’ll be stunned as you discover how human conservatives are. Your mind will expand and you’ll understand where conservatives are coming from.

You may even become genuinely compassionate towards conservatives. Rather than claiming to be compassionate while hating conservatives. Hate, annoyance, extreme frustration are not compassion. That’s hypocrisy. If you’re progressive.

 

Distinguishing The Context

Now let’s talk about context. To do so we’ll distinguishing two labels which describe communication between two people. People often confuse one for the other. Doing so, they get in trouble.

You want a conversation with the conservative. The word “conversation” may mean to you the same thing as “discussion”, the other word we’re going to clarify. But these words are NOT the same. They describe two totally different intents, processes, outcomes, contexts and feelings.

One aligns with your intent (presuming you’re wanting connection). The other does not.

 

You want conversation

“Conversation” is a talk, usually an informal one, between two or more people exchanging ideas. You know this. But you may not know the word’s origin. Words’ origins carry their meaning so much better sometimes than their definition. So let’s look at the origin of “conversation”. Here it is:

Screen Shot 2019-03-26 at 05.59.51 AM

Interesting, eh? A conversation then, is something that ends with you having a feeling of “living among, or having intimate familiarity,” with the person with whom you have conversed. This is what you want.  You want a conversation. Not a discussion.

 

Not a discussion

Let’s contrast conversation now with “discussion”. A discussion is “the action or process of talking about something in order to reach a decision or to exchange ideas.”

That sounds laudable. It’s not though.

Not in the context of making a connection with, and understanding another human being.

Discussions don’t breed familiarity. In discussions, you’re just throwing back and forth opinions. Discussions get you nowhere if you’re trying to connect.

But wait, there’s more.

People don’t generally understand what “discussion” connotes. Probably because, like “converstation”, they don’t understand the word’s origin. Here is the origin of the word “discussion”, the noun and verb so you get a clear picture.

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Screen Shot 2019-03-26 at 06.05.02 AM

So the intent of “discussions” is not to gain familiarity and a sense of living among the person you are speaking with. No. Its intent is “to examine by argument, to tear apart, shake or dash to pieces.”

Does that sound like the basis of connection?

We don’t think so either.

· · ·

Progressives and conservatives are not trying to connect. They are tearing each other apart. And the country along with them.

They are discussing. Not conversing.

If you want a groundbreaking interaction with a conservative, you’re going to have to move out of discussion mode and into conversation mode.

Ok?

 

The Right Way To Approach Conservatives

So here are the approaches. They only work if you stridently refuse to be baited. Strive instead for connection and understanding (your ground rules).

If you can’t stick to the ground rules, it’s best you first practice with someone who can role play a conservative until you get the hang of it.

The approach:

  1. Ask more questions than sharing your opinion.
  2. Express over and over your sincere desire to understand their point of view, not to exert yours, until they relent, i.e. realize you really do want to understand them.
  3. Beseech your conservative to stick to answering your questions. If they avoid or refuse to answer your questions, keep (politely) redirecting the conversation back to your questions, or express vulnerability (we’ll offer an example in a moment) that may trigger them reciprocating.
  4. When the conservative answers your question, offer sincere praise and appreciation. It is not standard practice for someone who is fearful and feeling defensive to answer a question, particularly one that demands they be vulnerable. Especially a question asked by someone the responder believes is the enemy of their values. So reward them for taking a risk.
  5. When the person answers your question, and you have praised them, ask more questions. Offer limited information you may want to share. Instead, listen to the person’s answers.
  6. When they answer, take in what they say. Chew on it, prepare a relevant response. Then offer the response in the form of a question or a polite rebuttal supported with examples.
  7. If they ask a question, answer it. If you don’t have an answer, say so. Risk looking stupid. And if they call you stupid or a loser or whatever, remember ground rule number one.
  8. Repeat these steps.

We’re not offering this in a vacuum. It has worked for Perry several times now to remarkable results. Not every time, but often enough to recommend them. We’re offering one complete example that happened on facebook. We’re offering this example because of the documented evidence. Anyone can look at it to see what happened.

Despite Perry misstepping in several moments, the conversation went quite well. Here’s an overview of it:

Perry offered the following Meme on his wall.

meme blog

It’s inaccurate (which the conservative responders pointed out). But the purpose of sharing it was for conversation. Conversation did happen. It ended with the following statement. This from a conservative who at first expressed himself aggressively:

I enjoyed reading your post. We do have more in common it seems….I wish you much success in your endeavors!

This is where you want to end up. It won’t happen every time, but if you practice, you’ll get better at it. Perry screwed up in this facebook exchange a couple times. But he still ended with positive results in line with the above ground rules, objectives/intents.

So we know if you sincerely use these approaches, you’ll find yourself in a new reality. One where conservatives turn out to be human.

Just like you.

 

Don’t Get Triggered

loser comment from Twitter
A conservative defending her life-decisions, then name calling Perry in a tweet.

People who believe conservatively have been trained to be tough. They live in a brutish world where it’s dog eat dog, and survival of the fittest.

Their manner of interaction feels like discussion. Confrontational, gruff, belligerent. Not conversational. At first.

So be prepared for rebuffs, snide accusations, and direct insults. It will sound like you’re talking to Alex Jones, Donald Trump or Rush Limbaugh instead of the person you’re talking with.

After all, for many conservatives, these people are their heroes. So of course they will pattern their discussion style on those peoples’ styles.

Intelligent conservatives, taking a cue from many conservative activist organizational playbooks, such as the college campus-focused Turning Point USA, will try to bait you into losing your control.

Don’t take the bait.

 

Compassion Wins. Always.

Self control is your best friend. Again, if you suck at self control, your best fallback is your leftie compassion.

But if “compassion” is just a word for you, or worse, something you believe you “can’t afford in these times”, which is actually something a progressive told Perry recently, then you’ve already lost.

There is always room for compassion. The best, most effective progressives – Jesus, Ghandi, MLK, Harvey Milk –  have demonstrated this time and time again.

You must contain your disgust. You must respond with vulnerability. Even in the face of their disgust of you (and what they presume you believe).

For example, when Perry clarified errors a conservative made in interpreting Perry’s previous comment, the person offered the following:

I’d like to continue proving my points but you don’t seem too receptive to the logic I’m providing. Your idea of what a necessity is leaves me wondering how much of a privileged life you must have and probably still do live. Many people survive without an education and many walk to jobs or bike. Many live healthy lives without doctors and hospitals. It’s a shame that you don’t seem to have facts to support your assertions, or did I miss them somewhere in your previous posts? Again I appreciate your ‘opinion’ and respectfully disagree with most if not all of them. Assertions without facts to support them lead me to believe that all of your points are opinion based.

In response, Perry could have been triggered as a person of color, being accused of enjoying privilege. Instead, Perry offered vulnerability. How? By acknowledging his privilege:

So now let’s talk about my privilege, which is a funny thing to bring up IMO. But as I said, I’m more than happy to chat about whatever you bring up.

I am privileged. I live in a great country. It has ALWAYS been great. It also can be improved. I live in the west. I live in a democratic society. I get to live pretty much wherever my finances make it possible to live. I have a wife who loves me, pets who adore me. I enjoy the sunshine, the beautiful state of Oregon and all it has to offer. I enjoy clean air, a healthy body and mind. I enjoy clean delicious food my wife makes for me or I make. I enjoy an adventurous life, where I get to spend my time doing pretty much whatever floats my boat. My life is getting better and better as is my prosperity. I realize my eternal nature and from that I know anything is possible.

I’m also male. I’m a “black” male. I came into the world with the perfect timing such that I can enjoy both these in relative security and comfort (compared to other times). I’m also non-binary. I’m free of constraints of being “straight” (thank god!). I have the fluidity of thought to see the world from multiple perspectives, and not just human ones. I have the privilege to have time to think about life – ordinary day-to-day life, but also extraordinary aspects of life, such as what happens after death and how all that happens after death (and before birth) shapes what happens between birth and death. I have found those answers. From those answers, I know things a LOT of people don’t know. So yeah, I’m privileged. But no more than anyone can be. I can pretty much do right now, whatever floats my boats.

It just so happens, what floats my boats is creating a world where EVERYONE has the opportunity to do whatever THEY want to float THEIR boats….

You can’t be vulnerable if you’re triggered. You can’t offer cogent thoughtful replies either when you’re triggered. When you get triggered, you offer fodder confirming conservative beliefs about you and other progressives (liberals). Don’t be this guy:

Offer Food For Thought

Once you have earned their attention by thoughtfully, calmly and constructively listening to, and then expressing understanding, only then should you offer “food for thought”.

Food for thought is not telling them they are wrong. This isn’t about right and wrong. Your food for thought should be an attempt to surface their human connection to other humans…even ones they believe aren’t worthy of that connection.

So for example, when a conservative says people who don’t work are parasites and deserve to starve, you must figure out a way to show how a person can do whatever he wants (even not work, for example) but shouldn’t have to starve. Or worse, work a job but not afford healthcare.

If you can’t do that, you have no basis for making such a claim. And a conservative will tell you.

Some conservatives (many people actually) view people negatively. Conservatives particularly believe people are lazy good-for-nuthins. People must earn their living by doing productive work, they believe. These beliefs aren’t factual. They’re conditioned or taught, which is exactly what a conservative told Perry recently:

…Maybe it’s because i’ve been conditioned to believe a certain way or possibly my life experience has taught me to be cautious….

A good way to chart unknown territory with a conservative: appeal to their well-known territory (for the conservative). That is, talk about liberty. But not the way conservatives talk about it.

Liberty as you may know, is a major conservative talking point. But the kind of liberty (aka “freedom”) conservatives believe in is a kind of pseudo-freedom. It’s not really freedom as it is based on coercion: As far as conservatives believe, your freedom doesn’t extend to being a lazy parasite on society. Another way of putting that is: your freedom shouldn’t cost me or anyone else. So pull your own weight.

The response to this point is: “you’re right. And in the 21st Century no one’s freedom should cost anyone anything. This is the future. Everything is possible.”

· · ·

Perry likes offering this tasty morsel, which creates amazing moments that, at first, stupefies conservatives. But then leads to remarkable, real, conversations.

It begins with Perry’s definition of real freedom:

“A person who is really free can do nothing if that’s what they want to do. A person who wants to spend all their time learning to paint, play video games all day, or fish or whatever, can. And they can do those things (or anything else) without going hungry, living on the street, or getting care for their body (or mind) if necessary. If they’re free that is. They can also get all the education they need or want to learn or improve any skill while doing whatever they want without having to earn money to get those things. And…the person exercising their freedom can do so without anyone else having to do anything they don’t want to do to support that person.”

A definition like that will short circuit most people’s brains (conservative and progressive) namely because most people can’t figure out how this kind of freedom is possible. Perry explains how this is possible. Then shows how the world is careening towards exactly that outcome for everyone.

Your food for thought, therefore, must halt a conservative’s talking points in its tracks. It must get them genuinely thinking. Not spouting conservative boilerplate.

Another example: Perry was at a Starbucks recently. There he happened to sit in a nest of conservatives. That wasn’t his intent. It just happened.

One of the conservative’s asked “what do you do for a living?”

“I don’t do anything for a living,” Perry said.  “I don’t believe my living requires me to do anything.”

This conservative’s friend, Mary, piped in.

“So you’re a socialist,” She said.

“No. I’m not,” Perry said.

“Then what are you?” Mary asked.

Knowing Mary was likely a conservative, and therefore Christian (which she was) Perry said “I am what Jesus is.”

That derailed Mary’s train of thought. Now Mary had to ask a question likely not included in her talking points:

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“I am that I am,” Perry said.

The conversation turned to Christianity. Perry is not Christian, but he is well-versed on fundamental accuracies upon which Christianity’s distortions are based.

So he was able to form a connection with Mary through her religious beliefs. Then he turned the conversation towards Christian compassion. He was about to ask Mary if her compassion extends to immigrants and if not why not.

But Mary ran out of time (she had to catch a plane).

Still, you can see, by not getting baited into a debate about “socialism” and name calling, and instead connecting with something Mary held dear (her Christian beliefs), Perry found room in between Mary’s boilerplate about people who she prejudges as “socialists”.

You can do this too.

And not only will the conversations you have stun you in their originality, you’ll learn that underneath all that lashing out, anger and conservative closed-mindedness is a human being wanting to be understood and connected with.

That is the short answer to this entire approach. Giving conservatives what they want, so their minds open.

· · ·

If progressives really want the world they want, they must find a way to give conservatives what they want.

Until you know what that is, you can’t give it to them. And you can’t know unless you understand them. And, you can’t understand them unless you’re willing to talk with them.

And finally, if your approach is based on not understanding justified conservative fear that they’re losing everything, and that’s why they are lashing out, you’re going to have a hard time having a conversation with them.

Rancor in America and elsewhere can be mended. But you can’t expect conservatives to make the first step.

Someone has to though. That someone can be you. And this guide can help.

Why The Easiest Way To Happiness Is First Being Happy

Arnolds wrong blog
Arnold thinks you need to work your ass off. He’s wrong. (Art credit: The author)

Modern life says, if you want something you should set a vision. Next, set goals and objectives, put them on a timeline and track your progress. If you work your ass off, struggle and get lucky, you succeed.

None of that is necessary.

Many mainstream leaders, motivational speakers and successful people encourage these steps. But you can have anything you want easier than that.

And, you don’t have lose any of your ass. 😜

The easiest way to getting anything you want is by being happy.

That sounds crazy, we know.

Most mainstream leaders, motivational speakers and successful people didn’t become successful by being happy.

They can only tell you how they did it. Theirs is the hard way.

Yet, nearly everyone tries finding success that way. Rather than trying a different, better way. Their way works. But it’s no fun. And success isn’t guaranteed.

Happiness brings success 100 percent of the time. You don’t need luck. You needn’t work hard.

You only need to know three things:

  1. Why feeling happy works
  2. How to use happiness and,
  3. What the purpose of happiness is.

“There’s a purpose to happiness?”

You bet.

Ask someone next to you what is the purpose of happiness. Likely they won’t have a good answer. They will say happiness is an emotion. They may say it doesn’t have a purpose. Or that happiness makes you feel good. Some will say they don’t know.

Some even steer you away from happiness.

The purpose of happiness blog
Almost 135,000 claps. A lot of people don’t know what purpose happiness serves. (Photo: Medium.com)

Yet your emotional capacity is purposeful. Powerful too. Your emotional capacity is the most powerful tool you have.

Once you understand its purpose, if you make being happy your number one priority, everything you want comes quickly, easily, and in great numbers.

Some people poo-poo happiness because they don’t understand its power. We’ll explain how and why happiness is so powerful later. We’ll even show you how to use happiness to get anything you want.

But first, check out how Perry realized several dreams at once, just by being happy.

 

How Perry Gets What He Wants Without Goal Setting, Working Hard Or Losing His Ass

Perry fell in love with sailing three summers ago. It started with a class he took on an impulse. He loved his first time on a sail boat. The sails grabbed the wind. The wind pushed the boat over on its side as it increased speed. Invigorating!

That first experience begat a new dream. How cool would it be, he thought, exploring the world this way?

Perry had no sailing experience. Only one class. That didn’t matter though. He knew others sailing around the world today. Families, couples, even single people are doing it. Some didn’t have experience when they started either. Many taught themselves.

How hard could it be?

Sailing forces blog
It’s sailing. How hard can it be? (Photo: By Bcebul – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0)

Besides, Perry thought, he has his Inner Being. It has access to all knowledge. It knows where everything Perry wants is. And it knows how to lead him to it.

Another question people can’t answer is what’s Earth’s purpose? Does it have a purpose? Or is it a random result of chance?

Earth exists on purpose. It’s here so you can come, refine your interests from Earth’s massive variety. Then live those interests to the fullest extent imaginable.  Aided by your Broader Perspective, the universe and All That Is, your time on Earth can include any experience.

Perry knows this. So when his first sailing class finished that summer, sailing around the world became something he wanted. But he set no goals or timelines. Instead, he knew being happy would bring him what he wanted.

· · ·

Perry joined the sailing club that hosted his class. That gave him a year to practice sailing using the club’s boats. But he couldn’t sail them alone. He didn’t have enough experience.

He needed a sailing partner. It so happened he met a guy in class who also fell in love with sailing. His name was Jarrett.

Jarrett Blog
Jarrett aboard a training sailboat. (Photo by the author)

When you’re happy, not only do you not have to set intentions and goals, but all resources you need literally come to you. Including people.

These people’s Broader Perspectives put them on your path because your path lines up with theirs. Your Broader Perspective and their Broader Perspective coordinate events, matching people and resources. Such nonphysical communication happens all the time. That’s how events become events.

Including events comprising your life. So long as you don’t muck up the process, your life experience is a wonderful joyride. Being happy is how you keep from mucking up the process.

· · ·

Jarrett and Perry became friends. But Jarrett didn’t have money for a club membership.

No problem, Perry thought. Jarrett could be my guest. Here’s a video Perry took with Jarrett on a club boat cruising on the beautiful Columbia River.

For the next year, Perry and Jarrett’s friendship deepened. Turns out, Jarrett shares Perry’s life convictions. He too believes people create their reality and that life is meant to be fun. Jarrett works as a contract sound engineer. Like Perry, his time is his. He doesn’t have to be at a job every day. So he has a lot of free time.

Note the combination of people and events here: Jarrett’s time flexibility afforded by his occupation; Jarrett and Perry’s mutual beliefs; Both men taking the same class, at the same time. These illustrate how thoroughly your Broader Perspective organizes events on your behalf leaving out no detail.

How hard do you think it would have been for Perry organize this on his own? Finding someone who likes to sail, who has the time to spend sailing, who can pay for the class and believes the same thing he does? That would be no small feat.

But it’s a cinch for your Broader Perspective.

This is why people who don’t understand happiness believe they must struggle, work hard and set goals. That’s what you must do when you don’t know about your Broader Perspective. You’re on your own. On your own, you don’t have the resources nor the connections. That’s why you need luck and hard work.

 

Comparison Contains The Seeds Of Unhappiness.

One day, three months later, Jarrett arrived with news. Out of the blue, his uncle, a successful orthopedic surgeon, gave him a sailboat. A San Juan 7.7. Jarrett’s uncle bought the boat more than 20 years ago. He never sailed it. It sat in a barn all that time.

Jarrett was excited. He didn’t know his uncle had a boat. Let alone a sail boat. Knowing what he knows, Jarrett knew this was his Broader Perspective at work.  With no effort, Jarrett, who had never sailed in his life, now owned his own sail boat!

Now, Perry could have been excited too. But he wasn’t.

Outwardly he was happy for Jarrett. But inside, he was jealous.

Jarrett went on and on about his boat. About how it was equipped. Modifications his uncle added.  Modifications he wanted to do.  He was so excited.

Perry wasn’t excited.

He was thinking about how it must be to be white. How it must be to have a successful family. He wanted to be happy for his friend. But the more Jarrett talked about this damn boat, the less fun Perry was having. Even though it was a perfect day for sailing.

Perry was mucking up the process! How? By comparing his life to Jarrett’s!

Feliperizo-co-heart-made blog
Comparing your life with another’s is never a good idea (Photo: Feliperizo-co-heart-made on Unsplash)

When you compare your life to someone you perceive has it better than you, unhappiness happens. Good news is, turning comparison’s unhappiness into happiness is easy. If you catch it early, that is.

So comparison can be beneficial. Feelings comparison conjures can serve as alerts. Like alerts, they can jolt you from habitual, indeliberate thinking.

Perry felt awful thinking about Jarrett’s “white privilege”. White privilege, while real, is not something you want to think about if you’re not white. Thinking about someone’s white privilege when you’re not white guarantees unhappiness.

Even if you are white, thinking about your white privilege can cause unhappiness. That’s why most white people don’t think about it!

Perry knew this of course. What he didn’t know was everything was working out perfectly for him, and for Jarrett. There were plenty pleasant surprises ahead.

But first, things were going to get “worse”.

Jarrett on Achilles I blog
Jarrett onboard Achilles I at dry dock. (Photo by the author)

The world around you is your subjective life experience. Your life experience comprises a stream of one accretion event after another.

These events look like random compositions of people, circumstances, objects and experiences strung together in a certain timing. Your string of accretion events over time is your life.

Events, circumstances, people and objects in your life aren’t random. These planned events seem random. But they’re not. Who is planning them? And how are they planned?

You plan them. You do so using two simultaneous processes. One is what you look at.  The other is what you think about what you look at.

Look at happy things or think happy thoughts. You’ll feel happy. What you’re looking at and thinking about organizes future accretion events matching current ones. Your life will fill with more and more happy events, people and circumstances.

Look at unhappy things or think unhappy thoughts. You won’t feel happy. What you’re looking at and thinking about organizes future accretion events matching current ones. Your life will fill with more and more events, people and circumstances like what you observe.

So, you decide what events, people, situations and circumstances become your experience. You know which ones are coming by how you feel and what you predominately look at and think about.

That’s how you create your life. No one else is doing it. You’re here to create a joyful life, filled with experiences you want to have. But nearly everyone doesn’t live that way, do they?

Why? Because they don’t know what you now know.

Instead, they live life not knowing their feelings are important. They think feelings just come and go. They think they’re responses to what happens in the world. That’s not what they are. That’s not what they’re doing. They are part of processes that create what’s in the world.

· · ·

Emotions are navigational instruments. They help create your life. Like any instrument, they give you information. The information tells you what you’re creating.

Kent Pilcher on Unsplash blog
Your emotions are navigational instruments. Like this aircraft instrument panel, emotions tell you where you are in relation to your desires: Towards them or away from them. (Photo: Kent Pilcher on Unsplash)

Sometimes your accretion event path includes what feels like negative events. Like feeling jealous because a white guy got a free boat, and you got nothin’. That may feel unpleasant. It may infuriate you. It may cause you to fight for justice.

But “unpleasant” is not encouraging you to fight for anything. It’s offering important navigational information.

Altimeter
Happiness works just like this altimeter. (Photo: FAA public domain)

Say you are flying an airplane one thousand feet in the air. The altimeter (pictured right), which tells you how high above the ground you are, indicates you are descending at a rate of 400 feet a minute.

That means in two minutes thirty seconds, you will crash into the ground.

That’s something you’d want to know, right? Knowing that, you’d probably do something about that. Right? Would you fight for lowering the ground or raising the sky? Of course not.

In the same way “unpleasant” is your instrument giving you actionable information. Perry knows this. He’s been practicing reading his “instrument panel”, the emotions he feels moment by moment. He understands what they mean.

Today, two and a half years after this story, he’s almost mastered acting instantly to his instruments. Experiences in this story helped Perry get where he is now.

The point is, experiences labeled “bad”, “negative”, “unfortunate”, “bad luck”, etc. are never that. They are always good. They are part of the adventure, practice opportunities.

These experiences teach how to read your instruments so you can “fly” through a life full of your best dreams, realized.

Ayko Neil Kehl on Unsplash blog
You can fly through your life with ease. No hard work or struggle. (Photo: Ayko Neil Kehl on Unsplash)

Back to Perry.

So Perry realized he was at a “you create your reality” cross roads.

On one hand, he felt opportunity. He knew he was the on the path of eventually sailing around the world. If he stayed positive, he’d have many adventures of a lifetime.

On the other hand, and at the exact same time, he felt jealous and bitter comparing his life with Jarrett’s.

But here’s the thing: this path would also culminate in many adventures of a lifetime.

Note that. Both paths leading to the same outcome. Both paths an adventure.

The only difference is the second path takes longer than the first.

Perry’s negative feelings were not because of Jarrett’s supposed White Privilege.  At that moment, and many that followed, Perry “faced” both potential paths simultaneously. In that moment, the second path was more probable by the first. How could he tell? By how he felt.

In other words, Perry’s beliefs about disadvantage, “Institutional Racism”, and “White Privilege”, vied with beliefs that Perry can have anything he wants any time he is ready. He could choose any belief. At that moment, he wasn’t choosing the second.

Why? It’s simple. The first ones were more practiced, that’s all.

The more you think a thought or believe a belief, the more influence it has on future life events. The good news is, at any time a thinker or believer can change how they think or believe.

Perry’s anguish was saying: there’s a shorter path! A more fun path! It’s the happy path!

Believing you can have anything you want whenever you’re ready is empowering. Believing your life experiences are limited because of your skin color is not. Both create life experiences consistent with themselves!

Looking back Perry gets it. As we’re writing this through his fingers, he sees how beneficial that moment and the following ones were.

But like many people, most people actually, Perry didn’t make a bold, clear choice. Instead, he waffled between anguish and a measly happiness. Perry stayed in this conflicted space a long time. For months. What happened next illustrates everything you’ve read so far.

 

Jesus Is Right: You Reap What You Sow. But You’re Never Stuck With It.

Perry’s club membership expired. Jarrett and Perry couldn’t use the club’s boats anymore. But they weren’t worried. Jarrett told Perry once he got “Achilles I” prepped and had it in the water, they’d resume their adventure.

Imagine the mixed bag Perry felt about that!

On one hand, it was wonderful. Had Perry went with that, the next year would have been different. Instead he went with the other hand. 😜

On the other hand, Perry would get to sail, sure. But every time he set foot on “Achilles I”, he’d be reminded about….well…you know.

Then something interesting happened.

Jarrett disappeared.

He wasn’t abducted. He wasn’t murdered. Perry didn’t now what happened. For the next eight months, Perry tried to reach Jarrett. Summer came and went. So did prime sailing weather. He left Jarrett text messages, emails.

Nothing. Of course, Perry thought the worst.

He made Jarrett’s lack of communication about him and Jarrett. He thought Jarrett had used him and his membership to sharpen his sailing skills. Now that he had his own boat, he didn’t need Perry any more. 🙄 🤷🏽‍♂️

He imagined Jarrett sailing with his friends. His white friends. He imagined that boat being amazing and he being left out. And, as you can imagine, this thinking left him in emotional turmoil.

giphy
From Giphy

Here’s what was really going on: Perry’s negative thinking orchestrated accretion events matching the negative thinking. But only for Perry. Jarrett absent for who knows why. Perry in the dumps. No membership meant no boats. No Jarrett also meant no boat. No boat meant no sailing.

After many months, Perry finally did something about his thoughts and beliefs.  Using this process he relieved himself of negative thoughts and beliefs about “White Privilege”. The more insignificant they became, the more clarity he gained.

He also gave up criticizing and feeling sorry for himself. He did journal work examining more thoughts and beliefs. In a little while he remembered everything is always working out for him. And he knew in time all this was going to turn out perfectly.

That’s exactly what happened.

One day Jarrett texted. Turns out his dad had a stroke and needed a lot of care. His family needed his help. His dad survived. But he wasn’t the same.

Jarrett and his dad blog
Jarrett and his dad sailing Achilles I. (Photo by the author)

Perry felt like a cad. Remember what we wrote about emotions! They are indicators, like an altimeter. “Feeling like a cad” is an indicator. That’s all. It was telling Perry he could feel differently about things. He only needed to think different.

· · ·

Your Broader Perspective has a bird’s eye view of your life. It knows everything you want and how to get it. It knows there are many paths to what you want.

You don’t have this perspective. You’re human. But you can access your Broader Perspective’s viewpoint. How do you know you’ve done that?

When you feel happy. Happy is the indicator.

Here’s what was great about Jarrett “disappearing”: It gave Perry time revise old disempowering beliefs. Beliefs that slow progress or lengthen the path.

Remember! You can’t live happily if you’re comparing, complaining or entertaining beliefs like “White Privilege” and “Institutional Racism”.

Yet, these things are real. But do they serve you thinking about them? Are you happy thinking about them? No one is. And if you’re not happy, you’re taking the long way. Like Perry was.

So Perry and Jarrett reconnected.  Jarrett said Achilles I was at a boat yard. He invited Perry to see it. What happened next was perfect.

 

The Grass LOOKS Greener But It Never Really Is

Boat out of barn blog
Ye ol’ Achilles I on the trailer ready to move. (Photos of Achilles by Jarrett)

We did write that the boat was free, right?

Free and over 20 years old.

Achilles I wasn’t a ready-to-sail beauty. It needed a lot of work. When Perry saw it, he immediately felt better. He was also glad he was not in Jarrett’s shoes. Achilles I’s sails housed mice for 20 years. They were chewed through, pissed on and pooped on. There were holes and repairs needed in the fiberglass hull. The electronics were kaput. Even the engine needed work.

Getting this boat for free seemed like an envy worthy event. Seeing it in person, Perry saw it much different. He had no responsibility, expense or worry about getting Achilles I ready to sail. But he still got to sail in it.

One day in the boat yard Perry confessed how he’d been thinking about all this.  “It’s ok buddy,” Jarrett said. “I want you to sail with me. I can do the repair work. You’re the only one I know who knows how to sail!”

What a nice ending to the story. Only that wasn’t the end. It got so much better!

 

Your Broader Perspective Knows “How” Better Than You

Meanwhile his Broader Perspective orchestrated other events. Perry focused being positive about his sailing partner’s good fortune. He busied himself with sailing videos. He visited sailing stores, and read about yachts online. These activities inspired him.  They also put him and his Broader Perspective in tune. That made what happened next.

Perry followed an impulse and called a yacht broker. Why not talk with someone who might sell him a boat one day, he thought. Upon hearing his story, the broker offered good advice.

“You might want to find someone willing to take you out on the open ocean,” He said. The broker recommended someone offering such services. But it cost over $4,000 a trip!

Perry wasn’t interested in that.

Meanwhile, Jarrett readied Achilles I. He planned to tow it to a boat ramp, get it in the water, then motor it the last mile into its new home at the local marina.

He needed crew. He called Perry.

What an adventure (in not a good way)! The boat did float. That’s about all. It had no navigation lights. No radio. Not even any sails!

Jarrett arrived at the ramp by 1 p.m. By five, Achilles I still wasn’t in the water. The problem? Hoisting the mast. Once they did that, they put Achilles I in.

Achiles I Blog
Jarrett, the author and his family working on Achilles I at the boat ramp. (Photo by Jarrett’s mom)

But the battery couldn’t start the engine.  Jarrett’s parents helped McGuyver the motor running just as it was getting dark. Legally, they should have had navigation lights. Jarrett figured with the motor running, they’d cover the mile before sun down.

Two thirds of the way, the motor quit. Darkness fell a long time ago. No navigation lights. No radio. No motor. No problem. They remembered a tow service emergency number stored in their phones.

Ninety minutes later, they were in the marina. The towboat captain said they were lucky they called. Even with the motor working, had they headed into the marina on their own, odds were they would have run aground.

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Jarrett and Achilles I in the marina days after the night time arrival. (Photo by the author)

Did we say everything is always working out?

· · ·

A week later, Perry remembered a website talked about at class. There, people who have sail boats but no crew, and people without boats but wanting to sail could meet online. If the chemistry worked out, the yacht owner could invite the other person to sail on his yacht as crew. Perry found the site and signed up. Three weeks later, he got a call.

The guy introduced himself as Mike. He didn’t own a yacht. He did have an offer Perry couldn’t refuse. Mike told Perry he’s been on the open ocean for more than 50 years. He’s been all over the world. He told Perry he has captained nearly every kind of pleasure boat, and many commercial boats.

Mike M blog
Captain Mike (Photo by the author)

Mike said he owned a business moving boats around the world. He was looking for people wanting open ocean experience. You don’t need any experience, he said. In fact, it’s better if you don’t. Mike said his teams moved boats owners either didn’t have time or expertise to do it themselves.

Perry asked Mike how much it would cost him.

“Nothing,” Mike said.  “I pay all your expense. You just help me move the boat.”

Consider this: Perry didn’t know Mike. He didn’t know people do what Mike does. Perry didn’t know a guy like Mike lived not 20 miles from Perry. Perry didn’t know Mike was looking for crew.

When your Broader Perspective organizes events in your life, it works with other people’s Broader Perspectives. Your Broader Perspective has your best interests in mind. Other people’s Broader Perspectives have your interests in mind too. And vice versa.

So when a person shows up in your life, they agreed, through their Broader Perspective, to be there. In being there, they get what they are wanting. Even as you get what you want. Everyone in any situation gets the same thing: what they want.  There are no exceptions to this.

That’s how we know everything is always working out. Life is a massive collective orchestration. It’s happening between billions of Broader Perspectives. Together they coordinate innumerable events, which become life on earth.

Mike was looking for unusual people. People interested in being on the open ocean. People who had time for that. People willing to do it for no pay. People who were passionate about it and willing to not just endure but enjoy it.

In return, Mike promised adventure. He promised his crew would learn all there is to know about the open ocean. Navigation, anchoring, safety, hazards…the works.

In other words, exactly what Perry wanted.

It was a perfect fit.

Perry’s first trip was amazing. Mike, and Perry,  Jay and Curt two other volunteers, gathered at the Port of Ilwaco, Washington. Their voyage: take the “Mabel J”, a 44-foot TolleyCraft, north over 300 miles to Olympia, Washington.

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“Mabel J” being inspected by the crew. (All “ Mabel J” photos by the author)

 

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Engine oil leaks cause a plume of white smoke on startup.

This being his first trip, Perry mostly watched and took pictures. It was a pleasure cruise on a calm sea, which put an ear-to-ear grin on Perry’s face.

Every fulfilled desire contains seeds of new desires. No matter how fulfilling something is, amidst fulfillment exists desire for more. People ask “how does eternity work? Where does it come from?”

The answer is, through desire-fulfillment. New desires are born out of every fulfilled one. Life, eternal life, gets created from new desires born from within fulfilled ones.

Case in point: Perry’s first trip. It got him on the open ocean. The weather was perfect. The trip was easy, leaving lots of time for relaxation. Not more than he could handle. Just enough.

But “Mabel J” was a motor boat. Not a sail boat. The boat was old too. Engine exhaust wafted through cabins, sinking into everyone’s clothes. Everyone breathed diesel fumes the whole trip.

As far as captains go, Mike was stoic but fair. In stressful times, though he was harsh. Everyone aboard respected Mike. After all, he alone was responsible for the owner’s boat. Boats typically costing tens if not many hundreds of thousands of dollars. As captain, his crew is his responsibility too.

So he made sure everyone knew where they stood relative to his authority.

Captain is always right blog
The Captain is always right. That is, if you want to get home. (Photo by the author)

Perry didn’t like this. He prefers being his own ship’s captain. Literally and figuratively.

So here he was, getting to test himself on the open ocean. That fulfilled desire birthed more desire: Sailing his own yacht. Moving by wind, not motor. Sailing in greater luxury. Sailing on his own.

Perry’s Broader Perspective immediately realized all these desires. They would soon become Perry’s reality too. So long as Perry stayed positively focused.

So he ignored what was complaint-worthy. Instead, he put his thoughts on the voyage’s positive aspects. There were many.

For example, cruising into the Puget Sound early one morning, they had over twenty Orca sightings. That night at dinner, Perry learned people come from all over the US to see Orcas in Puget Sound. They pay hundreds to do so. But most see nothing. Not a single whale.

Perry also saw seals, sea lions and dolphin. Minke and Humpback whales too.

Top that voyage!

Broader Perspective: “Hold my beer!”

Remember, your Broader Perspective has access to infinite possibilities. Perry’s was only getting started!

Days after that trip, Mike called again. He had another assignment. Move a boat from Oxnard, California up to Puget Sound. Mike explained this was a 44-foot Mason sail boat from the mid 80s. Named “Eclipse” it’s fully equipped, ready for ocean voyages, he said. Mason 44s are well-respected and regarded open ocean sail boats. Many sailors covet them.

Mike thought it would take at least a week or two, to move her. A lot depended on the weather, which was getting worse by the day. Assignments usually diminish in winter. But the owner hoped “Eclipse” could make it north before winter storm season hit.

Mike explained the risks. He was optimistic they’d at least make it halfway. Perry was in. He was excited! In less than a month, he went from no opportunity, to nearly every opportunity.

 

The Perfect Ocean Adventure Opens Perry’s Eyes

The crew took Amtrak south to Oxnard.

Mike first reserved business class for himself, coach class for his crew. Perry asked if he could pay the extra $50 for business class. Business class is more comfortable. Mike said it wasn’t. Prior to departure, Mike changed his mind. To the crew’s surprise and pleasure everyone had business-class tickets. The business car was quieter and more comfortable.

Rail travel was an adventure in itself. Perry was born in California. Traveling by rail afforded many stops in towns reminiscent of home, including Davis, San Jose, San Luis Obispo and Van Nuys. They served surprisingly good food in the dining car, which Perry enjoyed. He also met and talked with many people who had great stories. There was plenty time too to relax and read and watch California’s desert scenery.

It was a literal vacation. And another desire fulfilled: Perry always wanted to travel through California by rail.

Three days later they arrived at the Marina in Oxnard late that night. They put their gear aboard “Eclipse”, then slept the first night on the boat.

The next morning, Perry explored “Eclipse” in daylight. Its blue hull shined in the California sun. Her hull contrasted nicely with its white and grey decks and golden varnished wood accents. As advertised, “Eclipse” had all kinds of equipped, including an autopilot. Autopilot meant the boat could hold its own course, making hand-steering infrequent. A nice luxury.

“How fun it’s going be!” Perry thought. Then he thought about “Mabel J”. Would this trip be better? He counted on it.

And it was.

Mike, a master weather navigator, threaded needles between storm fronts. When that wasn’t possible, they waited out storms in safe anchorages.

As we said before, every fulfilled dream contains seeds of more desire. Living aboard “Eclipse” was not the dream experience Perry imagined. Modern sail boats look like Manhattan Apartments on the inside. They’re beautiful, with their light colors, lots of windows and amenities like microwaves, TVs, washing machines and more.

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Interior of a modern ocean cruiser, the CNB 66. (Photo from CNB 66 Promotional brochure. Fair use assessment on file – educational purposes)

This boat’s traditional mariner interior was no doubt beautiful…to some people. To Perry’s champagne tastes, it was worn, cramped, dark. The bathroom was filthy. It reeked of old piss. At anchor, the boat rocked constantly. Its water and fuel tanks sloshed so loud, it was hard to sleep. Sleeping aboard was uncomfortable. Far more uncomfortable than sleeping aboard “Mabel J”. Especially with four other people on a boat really built to accommodate three max. Had Perry not been exhausted each night, sleeping would have been impossible.

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The dark, nearly window-less, dank interior of a mid-1980s blue ocean sailboat. (Photo by the author)

Worse, still, Perry got seasick. A lot. The sea was rough most the way. While admiring the view, or standing at the helm, he was fine. The moment he focused on a task – raising a sail, coiling a rope, even taking off his rain gear below – he got sea sick.

Motion sickness pills didn’t help. Natural remedies like ginger didn’t either.

Then one night, mid way through, Mike made a calculation error. Winds were stronger than expected. Ocean swells were higher than expected too. Then it got dark. Twenty-five knot winds blew “Eclipse” in circles despite the crew’s best efforts to keep her on course.

A sail jammed. Motoring now, all hands kept watch.  Making matters more hairy, crab season started the same week. Commercial fishermen laid hundreds of crab pots along their course. Darkness made seeing their floating buoys near-impossible. Running over one put the pot’s line inline with the boat’s propeller. If the prop got jammed with rope…

Perry didn’t want to think about that.

Usually, Mike stayed below, monitoring charts and catching shut-eye in case an emergency commanded his attention. Not tonight. Over the next three hours, Mike, who is probably near 80, stood at the front of the cockpit, peering through a tiny night vision scope yelling commands to Perry at the helm.

“Turn right!”

“Hard right now! now! now!”

“Left, left, left, now!!!”

“ Nooooo…RIGHT!”

As we’re writing this through Perry’s fingers, he’s smiling. It was something to smile about…after it was over. That night though, no one was laughing. Especially Mike.

Finally, Mike had enough of Perry’s novice steering skills. He called Oneonta to replace him. After a few moments though she was relieved. Jay, the senior crew member, took over. But even he had trouble. Mike was beyond stressed. But Jay, having three trips with Mike under his belt, took it in stride.

It was a harrowing experience right until they pulled into safe harbor around 2 a.m. The physical and psychological strain took its toll on everyone. Especially Mike. Once tied to the dock, he collapsed against the cabin, clearly wiped out.

So was everyone else. Next morning, Mike decreed there’d be no more sailing through the night.

· · ·

The weather picture up north cut the trip short. They left “Eclipse” in Crescent City, California. Perry was glad to be on land again after five days at sea and 10 days away from home. He was exhausted. He never wanted to see “Eclipse” again.

On their six-hour drive back to Portland, he remembered what Jay suggested that dangerous night.

“I think you might want to rethink being on the open ocean,” Jay said.

Sound advice, Perry thought.

open ocean quote blogPerry got what he wanted. He also learned something. Maybe, he thought, he isn’t fit for the open ocean. That lesson cost him nothing. He had a (mostly) great time.

More important, he saved a lot of money. He prepared to spend millions on his dream yacht.

Did this mean the end of his sailing adventure?

Nope. Every fulfilled desire sows seeds of more desires.

Before leaving “Eclipse” Perry talked with Mike about his seasickness. Mike said most people get over seasickness. Mike said doctors don’t really know very much about why seasickness happens. In his 50 years on the world’s oceans, with dozens of different people, Mike thinks it’s caused by stress. Not ocean conditions.

On Perry’s first open ocean trip, he didn’t get seasick. The second where there was far more stress and danger. Seasick a-plenty.

Who knows? Maybe Mike is right.

· · ·

Months later, Perry thought about that conversation. He thought about how stressful it was crewing for Mike. He thought about how uncomfortable it felt being out of his element. On the open ocean for the second time, first time on a sail boat. He wondered how much being on a boat owned by someone else made it more stressful. He thought how serving under an authority added more stress. He thought about that harrowing night. That alone was stressful!

The more he thought about this, the more he realized this adventure might not be over.  He needed more experience. Under different, less stressful conditions. Like Hawaii maybe. 😀🏝

You never reach the end of anything. Life is eternal. Its eternity springs from your desires. Everyone has endless desires. Today Perry attends to his companies, following impulses from his Broader Perspective. His main goal in life is being happy. He knows what happiness means. Being happy lets him know his path will consistently yield happy experiences.

Everything you do in the end is about being happy. People usually do things they think will “make them happy”. Perry figured out life works best the other way around. Being happy first IS being happy. From there you can’t help having experiences matched to that.

We wrote a great piece about how to use happiness the way it’s intended. It’s easy. It results come in seconds. (HT – Abraham-Hicks)

You now know what modern life, motivational speakers and “successful people” don’t. You don’t have to set an intention, make goals and objectives, put them on a timeline, track your progress, and then work your ass off.

You can keep your ass and be successful. Just be happy first. Then watch what happens.

How To Easily Think Your Way to Happiness

Ben Rosett Happily Ever After FB blog
Photo: Ben Rosett

Everyone is born with unique talents. That includes you.

You also come with tendencies. Tendencies leaning toward expressing those talents. Feeling those tendencies then following them will change your life.

It is not possible to come to earth with no passions, skills, strengths or direction. Are you feeling like you have none of these? Are you bored about life? Feel stuck in a rut? The problem isn’t what you’re doing. It’s how you’re thinking.

You brought everything with you needed to live your greatest life ever. Living your greatest life ever includes consistent happiness.

Happiness is an emotion you conjure deliberately. When you don’t, it comes and goes.

Here’s the secret to living your greatest life ever: Be happy first. Then everything you want comes easily.

There’s a reason you feel bored or tired or sad or unfulfilled. It’s saying “How you are thinking right now needs to change if you want what you want.”

· · ·

Ask someone “what is the purpose of emotions?” You won’t get the answer you just got. Yet it is the key to everything you want.

Not many people know you can become happy in a few seconds no matter what is happening. Not knowing this, happiness is fleeting.

But happiness can be permanent. Learning to conjure happiness is all it takes.

“How do you conjure it?” you ask.

We’ll get to that. But first, let’s spend some time exploring why being happy first gets you all you want.

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Happiness is the key to everything. It’s more than just an emotion. (photo: Artem Bali)

Happy matters…a lot

What if you had two options:

Option A:

Work your ass off. Struggle. Scramble to network and contact. Try to find people you need on your side. Then, some time later….through all kinds of trials and struggles…you make it. Whatever “it” is for you.

It’s a great story to tell. “War wounds” galore. Maybe your marriage failed along the way. Or you have a substance abuse problem. Or you developed an anxiety disorder in the process.

But hey, you made it!

Maybe you’re happy. Maybe you’re satisfied. Maybe?

Sure you might be rich. But you might not be. And if you are, you might lose it. A lot of successful people fear losing their success.

That’s not being happy.

Option B:

Be happy first. Tap into your Broader Perspective so you can feel your tendencies. Then learn to follow them.

This way, happiness comes in two or three minutes instead of after you make it. At that point, you have what you want: you’re happy.

But it doesn’t end there.

The right people, the right timing, the right resources, the right events all happen with little effort on your part. Day after day, what you want starts happening.

You’re getting what you’re wanting. Struggle, stress and anxiety free.

Along the way, your connection to Broader Perspective grows. You lose fears, including the fear of death. Anxiety goes away. Worry does too. You realize you’re eternal. Life becomes fun. And happiness becomes permanent.

To us, the choice is clear. Option B happens exactly like this. Here’s why that is, and why happiness matters.

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Photo: Hans Vivek

Happiness more than an emotion. It serves a critical purpose. It tells you when your life condition matches your Broader Perspective’s condition.

Your Broader Perspective is the you you are projecting yourself from, into this physical reality. You’re “here” on earth. But you’re also “there” in the timeless, spacious present we call the “moment of becoming“.

The moment you decide you want something, you have it in the spacious present. But you don’t get what you want in physical reality as quickly. Why? Because things happen slower here. That’s a good thing.

How many times have you said, for example, something like “I wish my boss would die, that bastard!” or “I wish I never married my husband!” or “I wish you were never born”?

It’s a good thing you don’t immediately get what you want.

Things don’t have to happen as slow as they do either. They can happen faster. What’s slowing them up? We’re going to tell you.

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Photo: Frederik de Wit

You have Broader Perspective. It knows all potential outcomes. It knows All That Is. It knows everything you want. It has everything you want. It knows how you can have all you want.

What would that part of you feel? Wouldn’t it be happy, excited, free, joyful and fulfilled?

Your Broader Perspective is you. So is the you here on Earth. When you’re feeling happy, excited, free, joyful and fulfilled, you see the world the same way your Broader Perspective sees it. Seeing the world that way tunes you to your Broader Perspective.

When you’re in tune, you’re able to hear messages it’s sending you. Messages leading you to what you want.

That you can feel happiness (or not happy) is how you tell if you’re tuned to your Broader Perspective. When you’re happy, you’re in tune. When you’re not, you’re not in tune.

The less in tune you are, the less you can hear your messages. Life is harder when you can’t hear your messages. That’s why being happy first is so important. It tells you when the communication channel between you and you is open.

So happiness must be something you can conjure at will. Otherwise you couldn’t hear what you’re sending. It’s important because it tells you you and the broader you are in synch. When you’re in synch, you can hear the messages. Follow them and you get what you want.

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Back to the question: “how do you conjure happiness”?

The answer is: by learning to think deliberately.

· · ·

How you think is important.

Yet hardly anyone teaches “how to think” in school or anywhere else.

You can learn how to think critically. Or how to think like an engineer. Or a lawyer. That instruction teaches how to be productive in a given field.

But hardly anyone is teaching how to think so you can be happy in life.

Here are practical steps on how to think.

Think your way to happiness

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Photo: Aaron Huber

Usually people think happiness happens when something they want happens.

  • I get a new car. I’m happy!
  • I get a raise. I’m happy!
  • I had a great time last night. I was happy!
  • When I meet the guy of my dreams, I’ll be happy!

Happiness does happen that way. But only when people don’t know what you’re reading.

As we wrote above, happiness can be a permanent condition. It’s actually supposed to be that way. Meaning, it can happen in sucky situations too. It all depends on how you think. Not what is happening.

Let’s say you’re at work. You’re bored to death. Or maybe you didn’t get that promotion. Maybe you discovered you make less than your equally-skilled peers. Maybe you’re losing your job.

Your boredom, disappointment, anger or fear is not happiness.  That means you’re not tuned into your Broader Perspective. You’re not deliberately thinking.

But you can be tuned in. And you can be happy now. How?

Think of something positive long enough until happiness shows up. It’s that simple.

So you’re in your office. Something’s happening. You feel negative.

Turn your attention to something that pleases you.  The clothes you’re wearing, for example. Perhaps they are some of your favorite clothes. Think about how much you like those clothes. How well they fit, how good you look in them. Think about the compliment you got on the bus on the way to work.

It would go like this:

  • I really like how I look in this
  • I like how I feel in this
  • These clothes make me look (hot, professional, skinny, etc)
  • I look (hot, professional, skinny, etc)
  • I like looking (hot, professional, skinny, etc)
  • I like feeling (hot, professional, skinny, etc)

You could do this about a coworker or a person in your office you might have special feelings for. Think about how much you like that person. Think about how much you like talking with them, how they make you laugh maybe. Think specific thoughts about them like the ones above:

  • I’m so glad so-and-so is in my life
  • I’m eager to see how this might turn out
  • It was cool so-and-so said hi to me
  • I feel like I’m back in high school
  • It’s fun to have a crush!

Maybe you really like the way you have your office organized. Think about how much you like organization. Think about how good that feels to you. Think about how good it feels to you to turn a messy desk into an organized one. Think specific thoughts about it like the ones above:

  • I really like being organized
  • I like having everything in their place
  • It feels good to be organized
  • I feel best when my space is ordered
  • It’s nice to see clutter turn to order

Your thinking doesn’t have to be monumental. It only needs to trigger positive feelings. How and why this happens is too detailed for this piece. We’ll describe the mechanics another time.

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Photo: Oleg Ivanov

While thinking these thoughts, pay attention to your feelings. First you feel boredom, disappointment, anger or fear. But as you think on purpose, you’ll feel different. It might be pleasure or mirth. It might be satisfaction. It might be relief. It might be self admiration. It may be pride. Or humor. Or love.

All these emotions tell you you’ve moved from boredom, disappointment, anger or fear, which is not happiness, to something closer to happiness.

These things you’re thinking about are in your current situation. If they weren’t, you couldn’t think about them. When thinking about them, you’re experiencing them. Even though they aren’t in your physical experience.

So turn your attention to them. Not whatever you’re experiencing. You mood will improve.

The moment you notice your mood improve, turn your thinking to that. Acknowledge what you just did. You changed how you’re feeling without changing your situation. Note how much better you’re feeling now. It feels better than you felt just a few moments ago. Congratulate yourself. Say, “Wow, in just a few seconds, I changed my experience from X (negative emotion) to Y (better feelings). That’s pretty neat!” Come up with five or six other thoughts:

  • This is new and exciting.
  • Hmm, I like how this feels
  • I like that I can do this.
  • I feel a whole lot better
  • Wow, now I’m feeling even better!

In a few thoughts, you’ll find yourself thinking different, but related, thoughts:

  • I wonder how far this can go?
  • Could it be this easy?
  • This is actually kind of fun!

As you stay on that track, you might feel or hear your thoughts change. Notice them change to other pleasing things. For example, you might find yourself thinking about the sex you had last night. Focus on that and you’ll find yourself feeling other….er…sensations :-).

Keep it up and your feelings will get increasingly positive. And yet, your conditions haven’t changed.

Practice with obvious things until you’re good at it.  Then move to less obvious thought topics:

  • Think about how cool it is that you woke up today.
  • Or that your body functions mostly without your attention.
  • Or that you really like the color of your house.
  • Or that the sun comes up every day
  • Or that there is plenty of air to breathe

So now you changed your reality. You were feeling negative. Now you’re happy. You’ve also created a new physical reality. Your positive emotions come with physical experiences. A smile on your face, a lighter disposition. You may even see the difference.

But there are changes happening you can’t see. Not at first. Your entire life experience is changing. It is tuning into experiences leading to what you’re wanting. Not just one of those things either. All of them.

In other words, you’re not doing this to feel good. You’re doing this to feel messages your broader perspective constantly sends you. This is where your impulses come in.

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Photo: Tim Foster

As you gain more thinking skill something else happens: You get an impulse to do something. It will be subtle. It will be more feeling than words. It might feel like “go to the bathroom”, for example.

Let’s say that’s it. You get the sense to go to the bathroom. You may not have the biological urge to go. So it may make no logical sense. But when you get it, go.

When you do, you might bump into the person you were thinking about. Or you might get a text from your partner. Or a call from someone you’ve been wanting to hear from. You might run into a co-worker who says, “I was just thinking about you.” and offer you something unexpected and surprising.

When that happens, you’ve gotten exactly what we described in the beginning of this post: Things happening with little effort on your part. The only action you took was following your impulse to go to the bathroom.

This is Option B brought to life.

· · ·

You want to practice this until you do it automatically. In the same way you think now. Look at your thoughts. They probably come and go on their own. That’s practiced. You’re not thinking on purpose.

That can change.

The more you practice, the more you’ll get “hunches” or “impulses”. Of course, as you practice, you’ll get what look like false impulses. You’ll take action and it will seem nothing beneficial happened. These are actually true. Something beneficial did happen.

For example, say you went to the bathroom and nothing happened. But something did happen. Feel, then act. Notice how you’re feeling and thinking. You might be thinking “this was dumb”, or “I look like an idiot”.

Those thoughts are telling you something. They are saying “you think what people think about you is more important than getting what you want”. Why else would you care about how you look? Embarrassment is an emotion triggered by this belief. If you’re feeling embarrassment or stupid, you’ve cut off communication between you and you.

Now hear this: You wouldn’t have known this thought is keeping you from hearing your messages if “nothing happened”, right? So somethinghappened:you got clear about something you needed to know to get what you want.

When you feel an impulse after tuning into Broader Perspective, either:

A. Take action immediately. Go talk to that person, go to the bathroom, take a nap or whatever. Then see what happens. If something happens that feels like nothing, refer to this post about “false” results.

B. Wait. Take no action until the feeling to act is so persistent you must follow it. THEN act as in point A above.

At first, you might have a hard time feeling impulses. Getting used to telling the difference between an impulse and a random thought takes practice.

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Mindfulness, i.e. paying attention will allow permanent happiness. (Photo: Lesly Juarez)

Can you see how this practice turns your life into an amazing adventure? At first, you’ll get a lot of “false” results. But those “false” results aren’t false. Again we describe that paradox here.

Keep going and life fills in with subjects and interests and people matching your passions, skills, strengths and desires. You’re now following your tendencies and they are leading you to all you’re wanting.

But…

Doing this process once or twice it’s not enough. You’ll feel good for a moment. But your old habit (automatic thinking) will return. This is why people who try these things end up failing. They don’t apply themselves enough.

Want to get everything you want and live happily ever after? Repeat these steps over and over. For how long? Until thinking this way is as natural as the way you think now.

Then you’ll become your Broader Perspective. Then you have it all, including lasting happiness.

How To Have An Open Marriage Even If Your Spouse Doesn’t Want One

Julian Howard Have What You Want FB Blog
Photo: Julian Howard

Trusting your intuition promises an extraordinary life.

That’s because your intuition knows how to lead you effortlessly to everything you’re wanting. When your intuition delivers what you’re wanting, everyone else gets what they’re wanting too.

In this post, we’re going to describe how to develop trust in your intuition, so you too can get everything you want. And be extraordinarily happy in the process. We’ll do that by telling the true story of how Perry got an open relationship in his marriage. Even though his wife didn’t want one. At first.

Perry got this (and a happy marriage) by trusting his intuition. Not by sneaking around, or trying to have a direct conversation with his wife about what he wanted.

Everything you’re wanting, everyone else wants too. Because when you get what you want, so does everyone else. That is, if you let your intuition give it to you, instead of trying to do it yourself.

 

Trust: It’s Built On Proof Of Trustworthiness

Someone we respected at the time had smart words about whether a person is worthy of your trust.

“Trust is consistent performance over time,” they said.  Meaning, a person’s behavior over time demonstrates their trustworthiness. Not their say-so or their promises.

Same is true with your intuition. If you let it, your intuition will prove its trustworthiness over time. As your trust increases, your intuition’s demonstrations grow more dependable and noteworthy.

Before long, you’re living an extraordinary life.

Trust Blog
Having trust is crucial. Trust comes from proof your intuition is trustworthy.

Having trust is crucial. Whether you trust it or not, your intuition is accurate 100 percent of the time. That means whatever you’re wanting, your intuition knows how you can have it. And it can lead you to it.

Making your dreams happen without your intuition’s help is hard. And no fun. It takes longer and you sacrifice more. When making dreams happen you miss out on wonderful synchronicities. Synchronicities allowing you to get what you want while allowing others what they want.

That’s the delightful path. The other path makes you bitter, frustrated and defensive about any success you’ve eeked out.

Learning to trust is a never-ending, always evolving and a “getting better all the time” process. The more you trust your intuition, the more consistent evidence you receive. Before long, results you produce are obvious and consistent. It becomes difficult to remember a time when you didn’t trust it.

When you are wishy-washy about how your intuition works, you get wishy-washy results. Let’s say you think or believe intuition is at best random and or at worst some kind of force acting against you. In that case, you’re going to get results consistent with those beliefs.

Science and other well-meaning perspectives at best caution following intuiton. Harvard Business Review, for example, puts it plain: Don’t Trust Your Gut. “Intuition is a fickle and undependable guide—it is as likely to lead to disaster as to success.” the article cautions. On the other hand, the World Economic Forum (WEF) suggests it’s more complicated than that. WEF says intuition can be trusted, but works better when balanced with understanding how it works.

The problem is, both organizations, and science in general, say intuition is a brain mechanism. In defining it that way, they have missed the mark. Intuition comes from beyond the brain. By calming brain activity, through meditation for example, one discovers a deeper source of knowledge and awareness, one that can be trusted: One’s broader perspective.

Broader perspective is intuition. It is reliable, but you have to learn how to hear it. And, it functions in a particular way. Through it you create reality. If you believe your intuition is a random voice in your head, it will give you guidance consistent with that.

Intuition fulfills what you believe.

Rohan Makhecha - Intuition fulfills what you believe
(Photo: Rohan Makhecha)

So how do you develop trust in your intuition? Become sensitive enough to tell the difference between it and not it. Then follow its guidance. Generally, you become sensitive by testing.

But here’s the thing: you can’t test and be invested in the outcome. Especially if your investment is contrary to what you’re wanting.

· · ·

Let’s say you want a million dollars, but you don’t believe you can get a million dollars. Your intuition is going to lead you to what you believe: not getting the money.

So start with things you don’t have an investment in. Start with something simple. Something you believe you can have. A choice parking spot or meeting a friend “coincidentally” for example. These are light, fun outcomes to start with.

Unless you think those things are “just coincidence”. If that’s you, you have to start with a different test. Something not tainted by your I-already-know-this awareness.

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Your intuition delivers. Every time. But it only delivers what you believe. (Photo: Nick Karvounis)

No matter what you use to test your intuition, early on, some outcomes will always be “false”. But even “false” outcomes are teaching moments. So they’re actually “true”. It’s important you understand this.

For example, you might treat the process too seriously. Making it a serious process creates too much resistance. Your intuition is sending you spot-on guidance. But you can’t receive it because, in your seriousness, you’re blocking the receiving. How that works is explainable but would make this already long piece longer. Just know one reason for a “false” outcome could be you’re being too serious about the results.

Being too serious leads to confusing results. Especially if you aren’t aware of what’s happening. You’ll get results. But they will be “false”.  So you’ll think the process isn’t working. But these results show the process working. They’re trying tell you: you’re doing something that’s blocking getting what you want.

“False” results also allow you to see old beliefs that are contrary to what you want.  “Intuition is BS” or “Is this coincidence?”, or “I can’t do this” are examples of such beliefs. Recognizing these thoughts and beliefs are part of the trust-development path. How can you do something about them, if you’re unaware of them?

Here’s a process for replacing old beliefs with new ones.

So every result you get is “positive”. It leads you to the result you’re wanting, or, it’s highlights something preventing results you want. Can you see how “false” results would then be “true” even though they are “false”?

Recapping: trusting intuition requires knowing what you want. It requires knowing what you want is possible and being light about its arrival. Knowing “false” results are actually, not “false” is also crucial.

 

Letting Intuition Do The Work

Perry’s life stories show how he gets what he wants by following his intuition. We’ve recently shared stories of his wife doing the same.

We’ll continue sharing these stories because we know real life stories are better than theory. But your real life experience is an even better teacher. It’s easy to dismiss Perry’s experiences as coincidence. Or as a cool thing that happened to him. It’s another thing when it happens to you.

The Roaming Platypus Perspective
Photo: The Roaming Platypus

Even so, here’s how Perry’s trust in his intuition got him what he wanted. With little effort on his part.

This isn’t a process to get what you’re wanting at the expense of another person. No one on the planet is being “used” by another. It doesn’t work that way.

How it does work is, while you get what you’re wanting, others get what they’re wanting too. The world (and the All That Is) is large enough to give everyone what they’re wanting at the same time. Even if what you’re wanting is something another doesn’t.

Perry and Bridget have been together for five years now. Perry didn’t marry Bridget for the reasons most people do. He knew his path lies in being free to explore all relationships which come his way. We know, this doesn’t sit well for many people in today’s society. Especially in the US. Old erroneous beliefs about human life still shape many cultures. Questions of “ethics” “morality” and “propriety” dictate people’s perspective.

Perry knows one relationship can’t meet everything a person is wanting. Society’s encouragement of “death do us part” isn’t about a wholesome vow of love and commitment. It’s about insecure people trying to control other people’s behavior. So they feel less insecure. But that’s another story.

So we understand if you disagree with the “open marriage” part of this story. Think about it as “something someone wants, but is afraid to get it. If they did, someone dear to them would be angry if they got it”, ok?

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Perry married his wife because he knew it was the best thing for his wife at the time. He knew giving that to his wife required putting some things on hold. He also knew exploring relationship alongside Bridget would bring “more” to him. Bridget would benefit too.

But when they tied the knot, they agreed their vows would not be “until death do us part”. Instead, their vows ended with “for now”. Meaning “let’s see how this goes day by day, with no real long-term commitment about anything.”

At first, Bridget wasn’t too excited about that.

Throughout these five years, many people have come into Perry’s life experience. Not all those potential relationships had to do with sex or intimacy. Many did though.

Perry didn’t act on these opportunities. He was too focused on his relationship, his projects and spiritual growth.

Bridget too was learning a lot too. She had a lot of disempowering beliefs. Beliefs that were operating under her conscious awareness. They were shaping her behavior and dictating her life experiences. Many of these beliefs did not make Bridget an ideal partner. A lot of them she inherited from her relatives and past relationships.

These realizations weren’t always eye-opening, positive and wonderful experiences. Many surfaced in ugly, angry fights. Fights over small things. Which became big things when these little things triggered her old beliefs.

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Photo: Jason Wong

One day a new guy friend asked Perry about his marriage. He couldn’t understand how Perry could be transamorous and yet married to a woman who isn’t transgender. A lot of people don’t understand this.

Perry described his marriage, including the “for now” clause. He also shared his desire for an “open” kind of relationship. For now, he said, he was working with Bridget in a mutually beneficial relationship. One where Bridget’s desire for monogamy, born out of her personal insecurities, took priority.

His friend said “you should introduce Bridget to someone she might want to be with. That would allow her to open up to you doing the same.”

It was logical advice. But it felt like manipulation to Perry. And he was right. It’s what anyone who doesn’t trust their intuition would do: try to control circumstances to get what they want. Including living a double-life behind their partner’s back.

Perry is not like that. Instead, he let his intuition do the work. Not was it better than being sneaky or conniving, it was more fun. What happened over the next two years proved that.

· · ·

For reasons too many to go into, Bridget has been an insecure person most of her life. She learned to manage that insecurity by controlling other people and circumstances. Control to an extreme degree. Knowing this, Perry couldn’t have a rational, productive conversation about an open marriage. He brought it up a couple of times. But even in counseling it sparked a firestorm.

So, instead of talking about it, Perry acted as if he already had one.

Now hold up. It’s not what you think.

He thought about what it would be like having an open relationship. He even explained to others that he was in one. But he never behaved in a way contrary to his commitment to his wife.

He would, for example, tell people how free it was to be in an open relationship. He would add, that neither he nor Bridget actually acted on the freedom. They didn’t need to, he said. Just knowing that was available freed both of them from the pressure of monogamy. In being free, he said, they didn’t have to act.

Being free was the key.

In other words, Perry thought and related to others as if he already had what he wanted. He didn’t act on it. Even when he had opportunity to. Why? He was too busy with his life, his projects, his spiritual path. So there was no inconsistency between his behavior and his marriage in terms of intimate behavior. Just in his words and thoughts (beliefs).

That’s when interesting things started happening.

 

Providence aka Intuition, All That Is and the Universe Step In

Bridget already had at least one friend who was in a polyamorous relationship. But more people started showing up in her life in them too. Her new friend Claire was in a relationship with a guy who was unwilling to be monogamous. Claire struggled with the idea. And with insecurities she felt around her partner being with other women. She talked a lot about it with Bridget. In time, Claire started seeing other guys, as she became more comfortable with it. She actually started enjoying it!

Of course, all this she shared with Bridget as girlfriends are wont to do.

Then Bridget’s best friend started talking about being in an open relationship. We’ll call her Nancy.

Perry and Nancy had a private conversation about all this one day. Nancy knew Perry was producing remarkable results in his life. Including changes in his relationship with Bridget. Changes that were causing Bridget to change too, which Nancy noticed and appreciated.

So she wanted some advice.

Nancy is married. Like a lot of marriages, Nancy’s marriage is touch and go. Sometimes when one of the two wants to touch, the other wants to go! Neither Nancy or her husband thought they were getting what they wanted. Like Bridget, both were insecure. Their marriage reflected all that insecurity. It was not satisfying for either party.

After talking with Perry, Nancy began her own positively focused lifestyle. This changed her. With the changes, her husband became more insecure. Long story short, Nancy and her husband eventually opened their marriage. Turned out her husband already was seeing someone else.

Today, they’re still sorting out the details. Both are dating other people. Nancy dates a few men, finding great satisfaction and empowerment in that.

Witnessing her friends’ experiences effected Bridget’s insecurities and fears. As friends shared their enjoyment, her fears and insecurities started going away.

Meanwhile, Perry reconnected with an old flame, who is transgender. This person agreed to do a photo shoot with Perry. There was nothing inappropriate going on between Perry and this person. But the energy between them was obvious.

Perry told Bridget about this person, including showing Bridget a picture of her. Bridget said she was beautiful. There was not an ounce of insecurity in her voice or demeanor.

Perry noticed this. But said nothing about it.

In the past, Bridget would have given Perry the third degree about the photo shoot meeting. She’d joke (not so jokingly) about his “date”. Or she would tease him (with a tinge of sarcasm) about his “new girlfriend” he would be “spending the day with.” But this time, she was easy about his plans.

No sarcasm. No jokes.

Was Perry surprised by these changes? Nope. He knew his broader perspective was orchestrating events not only in Bridget’s life. But also the lives of her friends’ and their relationships. Everyone was getting what they want. Including Perry.

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Life will surprise and delight you. If you let it. (Photo: Andre Guerra)

Four months later, Perry scheduled a meeting with this transgender person about another photo shoot. Bridget knew about the meeting.

The day of the meeting, as Perry was getting ready to go, Bridget walked up to him.

“Have a great time,” she said. She meant it too. “Feel free to do whatever pleases you dear. I love you.”

What she meant was, Perry was free to have an intimate experience with his friend, if that’s what he wanted to do. In other words, Perry and Bridget had just walked into an open relationship.

Of course, Perry felt this coming. He saw the signs leading up to it. Bridget’s friend, her neighbor, her best friend’s experiences eased Bridget’s concerns. So Perry didn’t have to have some tense, uncomfortable conversation. Instead, he found himself one day in exactly what he wanted with a loving and supportive partner to boot.

Since then, Bridget has made extraordinary progress in her own positively focused lifestyle. She’s turning into a different person than who Perry first met. Perry has too. So has Nancy. Bridget has even explored with her own dalliance. With Perry’s blessings.

When you learn to trust and follow your intuition, not only does your life benefit. So do the lives of those around you. You get what you want, with little effort on your part. All this is available when you are positively focused.

 

How To Let Your Intuition Convince You

Perry has been doing this positively focused lifestyle for a while. Starting to learn to trust your intuition? Don’t start with opening your relationship.

Start with small things.

Before Perry’s story we were talking about “false” outcomes being as important as “true” results. Both offer valuable insights. What insights do “true” results offer? Clues showing you how intuition works so you can trust it.

Let’s say you’re using your intuition to guide you to a parking spot. You lightly set your intention. When you get where you’re going, you envision an open parking spot near your destination will be waiting.

Then you get ready to go. You’re positively focused, paying attention to all the great things about your life. Maybe you’ve practiced this process for several weeks. So you’re in a really good mood, and have been for a while.

So when you arrive, not only is there a parking spot. You have “rock star” parking: the parking space right in front of the store. Elation!

It works!

What proof! You recognize the co-incidence of your intent and the realization of it.

Or…

You arrive and you don’t get a space. It’s crowded and it takes you a while to park.

Either way, what happens next is important.

You want to note what happened. You also want to note how you felt through the process. Get your journal ready and answer these questions:

  1. How was I feeling right before I acted? Positive? Ornery? Frustrated? Calm?
  2. Did I feel anything about my intention? Optimistic? Eager? Positive? Or doubtful, worried, silly, embarrassed or disbelieving?
  3. Did I get any kind of confirmation that I would fulfill this intention? Was there a shiver in the spine or goosebumps at any point along the way?
  4. How was the “intensity” of the confirmation (if one was received)? Was it light and passing? Or was it a feeling that wouldn’t end? Did it (the intensity) remain steady? Or did it increase over time?
  5. If I did receive confirmation, was there a difference in how it felt? For example, was it more a feeling and less of “words in my head” or vice versa?
  6. Where was the feeling? Was it “high” in my head? Or was it “deep” in my head? Or was it in my stomach? Or was it all over?

With these questions, you can start pinpointing what the process feels like along the way. With practice, you learn the language your intuition speaks.

What if you’re experiencing negative emotion like frustration?

Frustration, disbelief, or any other negative emotions are positive. They tell you there are beliefs you hold working against you. If you didn’t feel them, how would you know you had such beliefs?

So negative emotions aren’t what people think they are. In every case, they are helpful. They tell you whether you’re 100 percent on track with your intention. Or not.

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So when you feel a negative emotion, you want to examine your beliefs. There will be a thought in your head expressing the belief. “This is all bullshit” is a thought telling you you have a belief that goes “this doesn’t work” or “I don’t believe this”. It sometimes is accompanied by anger, indignation, feeling critical, impatient, belligerent, or judgmental.

Embarrassment or shame is something a person might feel when trying something for the first time. Embarrassment shows you believe other people’s opinions about what you’re doing are more important than getting what you want.

When you identify the belief, write it down.

Then use this process to soothe that belief over time. Your beliefs determine what you get. So negative emotion is a gift: it points to beliefs preventing you from getting what you want. Remember, intuition leads you to what you believe. Not what you want.

Let’s say you didn’t get the parking spot, and you don’t have a negative feeling. The “false” result offers insight to other potential sticking points. One may be something you’re doing (or not doing) that the “false” outcome is pointing to.

As we said before, you might be too invested in the outcome. You might be putting forth too much effort (action). Or, you might not have refined your intuitional listening.

For example, in a particular exercise Perry is doing these days, he gets four choices. Only one of them is “true”. The exercise helps refine his intuitional listening. Here’s a picture of the exercise platform with one of his test outcomes.

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Sometimes, during this game, he will feel two communications offering two different choices simultaneously. Sometimes both are “true”. One being “true” now…the next being “true” in the next trial. Here intuition is sending answers to two different trials.* It feels like mixed messages. But it’s actually two messages delivered at the same time.

Your intuition operates outside of time and space. It’s sending you information all the time. Your job is learn to cull what you’re wanting from the constant information stream.

Humans are used to linear time. Learning to trust intuition means unlearning one’s familiarity with that. And the idea that everything happens in a single file, one-moment-after-another process.

“False” outcomes also help ease your focuse on results, causing you to enjoy the journey more. The outcome is not the goal: the connection to your inner knowing is. That’s the goal. Not the outcome.

(We needed to repeat that because it’s really, really important).

Relaxing into the journey is the goal. Not the outcome.

The cool thing is, when you’re focused on the real goal, the happy side effects (“true” results) come easily. And delightfully.

Like Perry’s open relationship.

Get good at hearing your intuition. Master focusing on the connection between you and you, which is the “true” result you’re wanting. Then more and more evidence, i.e. “true” outcomes, will pile up.

One day you’ll realize you are trusting your intuition. Because evidence in your life experience is so plentiful you can’t help but trust. Then you’re on your way.

On your way to what? You are on your way to your individual invincibility.

*You can download and play this game yourself here.