The power of being Positively Focused shows up most when feeling negative emotions. The following true story shows what to do when one feels such emotions.
I woke Sunday morning to powerful, clear dreams, but also felt negative emotion. It doesn’t matter what the emotions were about. What matters is what I did.
Here’s what I wrote in my journal in response to this realization. Doing something like this anytime negative emotion shows up makes a ton of difference:
Right this moment I am at the same time present to my powerful expanding self and my currently active beliefs.
I know the more I lean toward the first, not only do I create more of that, but the second soothes into its rightful place: subordinate to my dominant powerful desire. I appreciate therefore the combination, because in the combination I get to choose.
I get to choose leaning toward my desires
I get to choose focus, deliberate focus
I get to create a reality consistent with what I want
I know focusing feels really good as it does now
I know focusing on my desires is the gift the negative emotion brings
Therefore I appreciate the negative emotion
I know negative emotion was once positive belief
I can appreciate the negative emotion
I know the negative emotion is indicating beliefs I still hold are active
This is purposeful and good
I know those beliefs once served me
I can appreciate the negative emotion
I can appreciate the beliefs too
And as I sit here in my bed, first thing in the morning, I feel the power of my focus. I feel the shifting of the balance of my belief and desire.
I like what I’ve just done
It feels subtle but sure
I feel the shift from slight dominant negative focus to slight dominant positive focus
I appreciate that my positively focused practice allows me to recognize the subtle distinction
For now I can shift my entire reality experience toward more and better
This feels really good
This feels like positive emotion
“I’m feeling happier”
But that statement still contains a little bit of negative emotion
My happiness is relative to my previous negative feelings
“I feel happy”, feels better
It is focused specifically in the now, with no relation to the past
This is the work and I love it
My happiness now has turned to appreciation
Now my appreciation has turned into eagerness and passion
I love feeling eagerness and passion
Now my eagerness and passion has turned to love
I love feeling love.
So in this process I just went through, I received inspiration from previous awarenesses, which allowed me to know that the combination of negative belief and positive expectation will always be. For the combination allows an eternal being ensconced in the body, which is what I am, to choose.
To choose what? To choose what’s next.
So much happened in the last four minutes doing this practice. I love how much better I feel now just by speaking these words
I love how good I’m feeling
It feels really really good
It feels like joy
It feels like self transformation
If feels like fun
It feels like self love
I know the more I do this, the better my life gets. I also know the better my life gets, the better it can get, for there is no upper limit on how good things can be.
I feel so much better. I feel positively focused. I’ve literally changed my reality. I feel in love with life and in love with myself.
Now, I recognize I create my reality. Since the past is just another reality, I also re-create my past. That’s what happened this holiday season.
I’m sharing this for the many people who, like me, struggle with holidays. I know now “struggle” is optional. No matter how bad I used to feel, this year, I’m having the best Thanksgiving ever, in large part thanks to my house mate, who I’ll call Kimberly.
I’m going to relate how I transformed my holiday experience while interspersing some theory. If you want to know how all this works as a cohesive living approach I call Positively Focused, please visit my website. There you can schedule a free 30-minute 1:1 in which I’ll answer any questions at no cost to you.
How I transformed the Thanksgiving holiday in less than 15 minutes.
My house mate Kimberly is a manifestation I created after a wonderful ordeal involving previous house mates. In January I’ll tell that story.
Kimberly’s arrival fulfilled many desires. I know though that all fulfilled desires contain within them seeds for more consciousness expansion. That usually looks like “negative” experiences, although they aren’t that. Indeed, what happened Thanksgiving morning was perfect.
My potato au gratin. Yum!
Excitement filled our little home the night before. We bought an enormous turkey, planned several decadent side dishes and even went in together on a new projector to watch Killing Eve and Uncle Frank, Amazon’s new feel-good holiday movie.
Settled in for the night, we anticipated a wonderful morning cooking food, listening to music and generally enjoying time together.
That’s not what happened, at first
I’m an early riser. Kimberly usually wakes later. I got up eager for our culinary adventure. But as I got things ready, I noticed she had made a bag of popcorn late last night. That meant, I realized, that she might not get up early enough.
Little did I know she had planned on joining me. She even set an alarm. But something went wrong. Little did I know how “going wrong” presents enormous gifts.
For hours I relished the morning, preparing our dishes. As turkey dressing time neared though, Kimberly’s absence loomed large. Where was she?
My veggie medley and the au gratin all ready to eat. Ignore the sponge on the range 😂
It was a passing thought at first. Then it turned into worry. Then it turned into resentment. Kimberly wasn’t meeting my expectations, expectations I thought we shared.
That’s not her purpose though
Kimberly need not meet my expectations. No one lives to meet my expectations. When I got that a while ago, I mostly stopped resenting people when they did their own thing.
Everyone comes into reality pursuing their fulfillment, whatever that looks like. The paradox is, when a person shows up in my reality, pursuing their fulfillment, I know now they aren’t real, objective people. Instead, they reflect back to me beliefs I hold in my Belief Constellation even while they pursue individual self-fulfillment.
Other people (as well as everything else in my reality) are physicalized versions of beliefs active in me. I tested this over several years. Improving my beliefs always changed people’s behavior, especially the way they treated me.
Today, people in my life are angels. They show me active beliefs in my Moment of Becoming on their way to becoming my tangible reality. Realities I want I welcome. Realities I don’t want I know I can do something about.
Our turkey cooking its patutti off. LOL
Here’s what that looks like
I knew from years of Positively Focused practice that resentment and worry had nothing to do with Kimberly. Instead they indicated beliefs active that drew into my now, an experience I preferred not having.
Realizing that I did something about it. First, I looked inside to see what thoughts/beliefs I activated. After all, I had enjoyed, up to that moment, being in the kitchen by myself, making all this food my way, without having to compromise anything about what I was doing. It was fun!
My exploration showed old beliefs I created as a kid active in my now. They were about my parents, my family and holidays with them. That’s when Kimberly offered an amazing opportunity. I could clean up those old beliefs and, simultaneously, clean up how I experienced my now, create better future experiences and transform the past too!
Once I got that I stopped preparing meals. I went to my room, set a 15 minute timer, then went into deliberate focus. In that focus I realized/remembered the following:
Kimberly is a manifestation. She is not real.
Kimberly is a manifestation of my entire Belief Constellation embodied in an apparition in my evolving now consciousness.
As such, constructively using realizations represents allows stronger connections with my Personal Trinity. Reacting any other way creates unwanted futures.
Kimberly’s choices are hers and those acts aren’t about me. But make them about me when I interpret them as such!
Such a wonderful gift.
Circumstances in life do this all day every day. People, objects, experiences all are physical representations of my ongoing beliefs.
For better or worse, most people don’t know this, so they interact with their reality as though it is separate, an objective reality apart from who they are, what they are and what they’re believing.
Even among those who know physical reality is a mirror of one’s internal reality, few know what to do with that information.
Those who don’t know struggle with all kinds of mental and emotional traumas, with few remedies other than iffy mental health therapies which often stretch over years and produce scant lasting results.
Rather than taking these wonderful gifts evidenced in people, places, objects and events, for granted, humans can use them for personal transformation. Done diligently, such transformation also transforms ordinary life into the Charmed Life I share with my clients.
Seeing Kimberly as a transformational opportunity also let’s her off the hook. She can be how she’s being and in the absence of me making her wrong, she becomes the angel she is, but only when I see her from my Inner Being perspective, my Broader Perspective which sees everything in reality as blessed, perfectly unfolding and beneficial to all the Universe.
Creating awesome from ordinary
The moment I tuned into my Inner Being, the discomfort, angst and resentment lifted. It was crazy how fast and complete it was! One moment it was there, the next POOF! Totally abscent.
What flowed in its place were thoughts about how wonderful this experience turned out to be, how good realizing that felt, and how remarkable I was as a deliberate creator creating this experience. I felt compelled to voice these thoughts:
Wow, I feel much better.
This is so much better than how I felt before.
Those old beliefs soothed in my awareness placed on more empowering thoughts.
I am having a good time creating a new reality with just my awareness.
I get that my reality is my creation, including other people in my reality.
Then I started thinking about the meal I’m preparing:
This meal is going to be really good!
The au gratin smells delicious!
So do the roasted veggies!
The stuffing is going to be good too!
Then came the extraordinary convergence of reality matching my new perspective: At that exact point in time, Kimberly came bounding down the stairs. I heard her walk into the kitchen from inside my basement space. Then she sent me a text:
Trippy! The very moment I tuned into these better-feeling thoughts, my experience of Kimberly shifted. A new reality showed up including a different Kimberly!
Nevertheless I wanted to amplify how good I felt. It felt so good. These thoughts flowed next…
That’s so cool what just happened.
I shifted my reality!
And my apparitions shifted too.
What I’m discovering is so accurate.
I love my Inner Being relationship!
I felt waaaay better by now.
In that moment I returned to my original bliss. I realized too my old beliefs transformed as well: I see them now as having created experiences long ago that, I was destined to shift, in my now, my current Thanksgiving; and in doing so transforming my past holiday experiences, my present one and all future ones.
I have wonderful new memories about the holidays. Memories made more powerful because they sprung from enlightened consciousness. I know thoughts born from enlightened consciousness are far more powerful than those born out of it.
I also now know that I’ve transformed past, present and future in one fell swoop. I know it because I feel it.
What does it feel like? It feels like Joyful invincibility.
The more I complain about the Present Moment while trying to change it, the more I energize what is, thereby keeping it in place. I give it more sticking power.
The same is true with trying to make something—presumably new and better than what is—happen. The harder I try, the more I energize the absence of the change I want to see. “The absence of the change I want to see” is the Present Moment, the “what is now” which doesn’t include what I want.
So the harder I try, the more the Present Moment recreates itself in my next now, and the next, and the next.
So profound is this secret, it is core to all master-level pursuits:
Auto racing: Indy car drivers are taught that if their car is out of control and they’re careening toward a wall, they should look in the direction they want to go, not the direction they’re going. From an edmunds.com article on advanced driving [Bracket statements added for clarity]:
“Avoiding accidents: Racing drivers know that if a car spins out in front of them [what is], it’s best to keep looking at where you want to go [what one wants], not at the car in front of you or even in the direction in which the car is already going [that’s momentum]. When you look in the right direction [look at what you want], the car goes in the right direction, a reminder of the way in which vision [desire] and car control [manifestation] are inextricably intertwined.”
Master-level martial arts: Every master-level martial artist knows resisting an attackers attack energizes the attack, making it more effective. The more you redirect attacker-energy in your favor, i.e. not resisting the attack, but flowing with it, the more powerful you become. Nearly all martial arts emphasize mastering this skill.
Personal survival: Riptides are dangerous. What makes them doubly so is if you try to fight your way out of it once you get caught in one. Swim against the force pulling you out and you’ll likely drown from exhaustion. I love this description from the website Art of Manliness:
Don’t try to swim against the rip. Deaths that result from riptides aren’t caused by the current pulling someone under; instead, the person typically panics, starts trying to swim against the rip to get back to shore, becomes exhausted, and drowns. An 8-feet-per-second riptide is so strong that not even Michael Phelps, even when he had that amazing mustache, could swim against it. Don’t kick against the pricks. Swim parallel to the shore. Instead of swimming against the rip current, you want to swim perpendicular to it, in either direction. Rip currents are typically only 20-100 feet wide. Once you leave the rip, swim at an angle away from it towards the shore. Go with the flow. If you don’t have the swimming skills or energy to swim out of the rip, float on your back and go with the current. Just imagine you’re taking a spin on the Lazy River at the water park you went to as a kid. Once the rip current dissipates, you can do the parallel swim thing or try to signal to the lifeguard or someone else that you’re in need of help.
See that part about “go with the flow”? Exactly.
So what does all this mean regarding creating my Charmed Life? Good question. And here’s where the secret waits patiently for discovery: Hold it lightly, my friends.
Here’s how I do it:
I pay no attention to the world around me if I feel resistance about it. What is, is what’s becoming. Focusing on what is only gives me more of that. Instead, I pay attention to the world I prefer seeing. When I do, I feel lighter, as I let go of stress I carry around being frustrated and angry about what I see on tv, read online or in print, or hear from well meaning friends.
I Create in my mind what I would prefer to have that would replace what is. I don’t worry about details. Instead I think about how that new world feels. Fun? Pleasurable? Interesting? Adventurous? Exciting? Then I hold this feeling as long as I can as often as I can throughout the week.
I hold lightly to those feelings, let them generate momentum. I’m light and easy about all this. I play around with the vision I created in the previous step. I let go of any thoughts of “making it happen” or “doing something in the world” that will lead to this vision. My holding onto this vision is more powerful than action because in the Moment of Becoming, what I want already has sufficient momentum to fulfill itself.
I’m open to inspiration. Successful with the above steps, I receive impulses that compel action. I follow that. See where it leads.
I do less, play more. I replace all that time I spend reading, talking, and thinking about what is with time spent having fun. I follow my passions, pursue a fun hobby, develop a new skill, meet new people, go out on walks—whatever is fun. These periods allow my mind and the Universe to collaborate, to create opportunities for me to discover pathways to the world I envisioned in step two.
These five steps contain the power of creation. In a little time I found not only pathways leading me to opportunities, people, events, and ideas that support creating the world I want to see, my life now is more fun, easier and lighter.
When all is said and done, what I want is that last part. I want my life to be fun, easy and light. Truth is, I can have that now, without anything changing in the world around me. But it is oh so much fun creating new realities, then seeing them come true.
I love what I know. I love how I feel. How I feel gets better with every breath. I love knowing the more I love how I feel, the more lovely feels become who I be.
And in that being, so must all my desires be. So they are. And the being I be expands my awareness so those fulfilled desires be in my beingness. In other words: life experience fills with fulfilled desires.
That’s good because it must be. And all that bes is good.
As I stand in my blessedness and worthiness I eagerly anticipate more evidence of my blessedness and worthiness. I know, I feel, I be. I be I do I have. And that includes my fulfilled desire.
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The beliefs I hold are creating my reality. I am bridging those beliefs with beliefs that create more things in my reality that I want. I know what I’m believing by looking at what my now contains. For my now reflects back to me my beliefs. My current now can be bridged to a better now. I do that by thinking thoughts into beliefs representing what I want in my now: happiness, joy, fun and things that surprise and delight me. Be sure to watch with the sound on 😀
I enter heaven by feeling good, being happy and acknowledging when cool things happen in response. Cool things offered to me, by me, which tells me I have walked through the pearly gates. There, my Personal Trinity celebrates me. They celebrate my choices. Because my choices make All That Is more.
To me, heaven is not someplace I go when I die. After all, there is no such thing as death in the sense most people understand that word. Instead, heaven is a state of mind. It results as life shows me how much I am blessed. It results when I see and acknowledge all moments where my Personal Trinity showers me with what I want. I don’t see all those moments. I’m getting better at that though.
Never the less, when I do recognize every thing I want is coming to me, I get a wonderful feeling. That feeling tells me I’m connected to the best part of me. That larger part of me.
Connecting like that. That’s heaven. When I’m in that place, my world matches that state. So Earth for me becomes heavenly.
Today was that kind of day. I woke to satisfying, vivid adventures in my dream scape. After few moments of post-sleep focus, dream experiences feel as real as wake scape. I wake from my dreams feeling heavenly. I know that experience demonstrates my higher awareness kicked in. I know I can’t connect with that “other” reality so clearly if my awareness isn’t at a high level.
I did my usual morning routine. Then I meditated for 20 minutes. It was bliss. I found my center, something I love doing in meditation’s stillness. That amplified my already positive feelings. Through specific meditational processes, I re-enter the awareness state in which dreams occur. I know when I recall dreams this way while awake, I practice standing in that high awareness I’m in when dreaming. Only I’m not dreaming.
Being in that high awareness while awake is important. That state is the same unrestricted state which creates physical realities as delicious as dream state realities. Nightly dreams come for many reasons. One reason is through dream experiences, I learn how to hold that non-resistant state while awake.
This practice is how I become a master creator. I know the practice works because of what happens in dream scape. Re-presencing dreams in wake state tells me it’s working too. I also know it’s working because of how I feel. Finally, I know it’s working because of what happens in daily life.
Like what happened the rest of this day for example.
· · ·
So, feeling great, I got ready for an eight-hour shift at what I’m calling my “bridging job”.
My bridging job is what I’m doing while I sooth my beliefs about lack and scarcity. I’m replacing those with beliefs about plenty and abundance and possibility. And about not tying my financial abundance to action taken.
I know this is working because my days are getting better and better, week after week and month after month. How do I know they’re getting better? One, I keep a journal. Two, I see miracles – or rather what seem like miracles – happen more and more.
Only they’re not miracles. They’re not miracles because I know this is how life is supposed to be when I’m positively focused. Here are some of the things that happened the day I wrote this.
• A manager told me today that I am on a list of preferred employees at my “bridging job”. I’ve only been there two weeks. I know this indicates positive results of my focus. It also foretells more positive things experiences.
• My whole shift was fun and full of happy moments. I know these experiences should not be discounted. They are the stuff of what makes life heaven.
• When I checked in this morning, I was assigned a brand new, awesome Ram Van. It only had 48 miles on it. It had all the bells and whistles. My manager said don’t get attached to specific vans because we often trade vans once we get to our loading site. Today, she said we would switch as usual. But, when we got to the site, instead of switching vehicles, we moved our loads to the vehicles we already had. So I got to drive that van the whole shift. Awesome!
• Mid morning, I received an enormous indication. My trainee and I arrived at our first stop. We were looking for this one lobby where we would deliver a package for a customer, since he wasn’t home. My trainee found it. We were about to drive over there. It was quite a ways away. But just then, a guy parked right next to our van. He got out of his car. At that moment, as we were walking up to our van, I got an intuition our package belonged to this guy. The impulse to ask him was strong. So I asked him. He was the customer! So we gave him the package and avoided having to drive to the lobby. My trainee was stunned. “How did you know that was our customer?” he asked with a look on his face as though I had done some Jedi mind trick. I told him my intuition told me. I said I listen to my intuition all the time. I said I like writing about events just like this in my journal. When I do, I said, my intuition delivers more experiences just like this.
• Later, we had a package for a customer who didn’t leave us the code to get in the secured apartment lobby. As it happened, a FedEx delivery driver showed up at the front door just when we did. And, of course, he had the code. We all walked up together, chatting the whole way. It was a wonderful moment to share positive stories with each other!
I’ve written before that little things that happen that tell me bigger things are on the way. I know they are on the way, not only because of these little things that happen more often, but also because of how I feel. I know I want really big things. I also know my Personal Trinity is working behind the scenes creating my future now. A future now jam-packed with what I want.
And the more I do those things the clearer my dreams get. The clearer my dreams get, the more I match that clarity in my waking reality. The more I do that, the better my awareness becomes. And the more my awareness allows me to see little positive signs. Signs that my dreams, large and small, are becoming real.
As all thathappens I know I’m on the way to my biggest dreams of all.
It feels great being Positively Focused. I can’t think of any better way to live.
There is rancor in America and elsewhere. No time more than today is communication proficiency, self control, presence of mind and command of intention needed.
Also needed: compassion, honesty, openness and vulnerability.
When a human being is scared, they do and say irrational things. Scared people try controlling environmental factors by any means necessary. If they’re scared enough, they’ll get violent.
These acts are typical for any human. Not only conservatives. Progressives verge on similar insecurity-fueled irrationality. The Anti-facists are a great example.
But progressives have no basis for their fear. They are winning.
Conservatives have a LOT of basis for theirfear. A biological basis, as we pointed out here. The future – our collective future – offers lots too. It threatens everything they hold dear.
We therefore offer this guide to progressives. Progressives are best positioned to make history. Not by changing conservative minds. But by changing how they approachconservatives.
This guide presents a path forward. Life-changing, gratifying conversations with conservatives are possible. Conversations that can change opinions are too. These are sorely needed, but they’re not happening today’s social discourse. Not enough anyway.
This opinion-changing must happen on an individual-by-individual basis. Influence on such an insignificant level can change nations.
It’s amazing what happens when a person feels heard. It’s also amazing we get so many positive responses from conservatives, such as this one:
Progressives don’t need to change the world. They need to change their approach.
So what follows describes practical, sure-fire approaches. They will work.
However, you must practice them. Becoming genuinely proficient with them will transform your experience. Not only with your conservative fellow Americans, but anyone you disagree with.
But….and it’s a big one: if you’re not genuine in your desire to form real human bonds with a fellow human being; a human being you right now may consider your existential enemy, you will not get far. Your desire to connect with this other human must be sincere. These are not debating tactics.
Your Ground Rules
Before offering the approaches let’s set your ground rules. Your rules of engagement. Not engagement with the prospective conservative. We’ll talk about that later.
These rules of engagement are for how you will engage your humanity and your brain in service of your cause. Which is to connect meaningfully with a human you may currently consider your enemy and, through that connection, have an inspiring positive experience via conversation.
So here are your ground rules:
You will not allow words to trigger your well-honed sensitivity to offense. Words are just that. Words. You are not under threat. Even if a threat is offered, they are words. A real threat is immanent behavior likely resulting in serious personal injury. Not someone’s lips moving. Maintain your calm no matter what is said. Better yet, replace your sensitivity to offense with a healthy sense humor.
Your goal is connection. Not winning. You are not trying to persuade a conservative to become progressive. Conservatives serve a beneficial purpose within humanity. Your goal is connection. So you can fulfill your primary and secondary intents and commitments, outlined below.
Your primary intent/commitment is: understanding. You must be clear and rigid in your desire to hear, understand and inquire further into what the conservative believes.
Your secondary (but no less important) intent: finding commonalities between you and your conservative conversation partner.
Follow these ground rules while applying approaches described here. You’ll be stunned as you discover how human conservatives are. Your mind will expand and you’ll understand where conservatives are coming from.
You may even become genuinely compassionate towards conservatives. Rather than claiming to be compassionate while hating conservatives. Hate, annoyance, extreme frustration are not compassion. That’s hypocrisy. If you’re progressive.
Distinguishing The Context
Now let’s talk about context. To do so we’ll distinguishing two labels which describe communication between two people. People often confuse one for the other. Doing so, they get in trouble.
You want a conversation with the conservative. The word “conversation” may mean to you the same thing as “discussion”, the other word we’re going to clarify. But these words are NOT the same. They describe two totally different intents, processes, outcomes, contexts and feelings.
One aligns with your intent (presuming you’re wanting connection). The other does not.
You want conversation
“Conversation” is a talk, usually an informal one, between two or more people exchanging ideas. You know this. But you may not know the word’s origin. Words’ origins carry their meaning so much better sometimes than their definition. So let’s look at the origin of “conversation”. Here it is:
Interesting, eh? A conversation then, is something that ends with you having a feeling of “living among, or having intimate familiarity,” with the person with whom you have conversed. This is what you want. You want a conversation. Not a discussion.
Not a discussion
Let’s contrast conversation now with “discussion”. A discussion is “the action or process of talking about something in order to reach a decision or to exchange ideas.”
That sounds laudable. It’s not though.
Not in the context of making a connection with, and understanding another human being.
Discussions don’t breed familiarity. In discussions, you’re just throwing back and forth opinions. Discussions get you nowhere if you’re trying to connect.
But wait, there’s more.
People don’t generally understand what “discussion” connotes. Probably because, like “converstation”, they don’t understand the word’s origin. Here is the origin of the word “discussion”, the noun and verb so you get a clear picture.
So the intent of “discussions” is not to gain familiarity and a sense of living among the person you are speaking with. No. Its intent is “to examine by argument, to tear apart, shake or dash to pieces.”
Does that sound like the basis of connection?
We don’t think so either.
· · ·
Progressives and conservatives are not trying to connect. They are tearing each other apart. And the country along with them.
They are discussing. Not conversing.
If you want a groundbreaking interaction with a conservative, you’re going to have to move out of discussion mode and into conversation mode.
Ok?
The Right Way To Approach Conservatives
So here are the approaches. They only work if you stridently refuse to be baited. Strive instead for connection and understanding (your ground rules).
If you can’t stick to the ground rules, it’s best you first practice with someone who can role play a conservative until you get the hang of it.
The approach:
Ask more questions than sharing your opinion.
Express over and over your sincere desire to understand their point of view, not to exert yours, until they relent, i.e. realize you really do want to understand them.
Beseech your conservative to stick to answering your questions. If they avoid or refuse to answer your questions, keep (politely) redirecting the conversation back to your questions, or express vulnerability (we’ll offer an example in a moment) that may trigger them reciprocating.
When the conservative answers your question, offer sincere praise and appreciation. It is not standard practice for someone who is fearful and feeling defensive to answer a question, particularly one that demands they be vulnerable. Especially a question asked by someone the responder believes is the enemy of their values. So reward them for taking a risk.
When the person answers your question, and you have praised them, ask more questions. Offer limited information you may want to share. Instead, listen to the person’s answers.
When they answer, take in what they say. Chew on it, prepare a relevant response. Then offer the response in the form of a question or a polite rebuttal supported with examples.
If they ask a question, answer it. If you don’t have an answer, say so. Risk looking stupid. And if they call you stupid or a loser or whatever, remember ground rule number one.
Repeat these steps.
We’re not offering this in a vacuum. It has worked for Perry several times now to remarkable results. Not every time, but often enough to recommend them. We’re offering one complete example that happened on facebook. We’re offering this example because of the documented evidence. Anyone can look at it to see what happened.
Despite Perry misstepping in several moments, the conversation went quite well. Here’s an overview of it:
Perry offered the following Meme on his wall.
It’s inaccurate (which the conservative responders pointed out). But the purpose of sharing it was for conversation. Conversation did happen. It ended with the following statement. This from a conservative who at first expressed himself aggressively:
I enjoyed reading your post. We do have more in common it seems….I wish you much success in your endeavors!
This is where you want to end up. It won’t happen every time, but if you practice, you’ll get better at it. Perry screwed up in this facebook exchange a couple times. But he still ended with positive results in line with the above ground rules, objectives/intents.
So we know if you sincerely use these approaches, you’ll find yourself in a new reality. One where conservatives turn out to be human.
Just like you.
Don’t Get Triggered
A conservative defending her life-decisions, then name calling Perry in a tweet.
People who believe conservatively have been trained to be tough. They live in a brutish world where it’s dog eat dog, and survival of the fittest.
Their manner of interaction feels like discussion. Confrontational, gruff, belligerent. Not conversational. At first.
So be prepared for rebuffs, snide accusations, and direct insults. It will sound like you’re talking to Alex Jones, Donald Trump or Rush Limbaugh instead of the person you’re talking with.
After all, for many conservatives, these people are their heroes. So of course they will pattern their discussion style on those peoples’ styles.
Intelligent conservatives, taking a cue from many conservative activist organizational playbooks, such as the college campus-focused Turning Point USA, will try to bait you into losing your control.
Don’t take the bait.
Compassion Wins. Always.
Self control is your best friend. Again, if you suck at self control, your best fallback is your leftie compassion.
But if “compassion” is just a word for you, or worse, something you believe you “can’t afford in these times”, which is actually something a progressive told Perry recently, then you’ve already lost.
There is always room for compassion. The best, most effective progressives – Jesus, Ghandi, MLK, Harvey Milk – have demonstrated this time and time again.
You must contain your disgust. You must respond with vulnerability. Even in the face of their disgust of you (and what they presume you believe).
For example, when Perry clarified errors a conservative made in interpreting Perry’s previous comment, the person offered the following:
I’d like to continue proving my points but you don’t seem too receptive to the logic I’m providing. Your idea of what a necessity is leaves me wondering how much of a privileged life you must have and probably still do live. Many people survive without an education and many walk to jobs or bike. Many live healthy lives without doctors and hospitals. It’s a shame that you don’t seem to have facts to support your assertions, or did I miss them somewhere in your previous posts? Again I appreciate your ‘opinion’ and respectfully disagree with most if not all of them. Assertions without facts to support them lead me to believe that all of your points are opinion based.
In response, Perry could have been triggered as a person of color, being accused of enjoying privilege. Instead, Perry offered vulnerability. How? By acknowledging his privilege:
So now let’s talk about my privilege, which is a funny thing to bring up IMO. But as I said, I’m more than happy to chat about whatever you bring up.
I am privileged. I live in a great country. It has ALWAYS been great. It also can be improved. I live in the west. I live in a democratic society. I get to live pretty much wherever my finances make it possible to live. I have a wife who loves me, pets who adore me. I enjoy the sunshine, the beautiful state of Oregon and all it has to offer. I enjoy clean air, a healthy body and mind. I enjoy clean delicious food my wife makes for me or I make. I enjoy an adventurous life, where I get to spend my time doing pretty much whatever floats my boat. My life is getting better and better as is my prosperity. I realize my eternal nature and from that I know anything is possible.
I’m also male. I’m a “black” male. I came into the world with the perfect timing such that I can enjoy both these in relative security and comfort (compared to other times). I’m also non-binary. I’m free of constraints of being “straight” (thank god!). I have the fluidity of thought to see the world from multiple perspectives, and not just human ones. I have the privilege to have time to think about life – ordinary day-to-day life, but also extraordinary aspects of life, such as what happens after death and how all that happens after death (and before birth) shapes what happens between birth and death. I have found those answers. From those answers, I know things a LOT of people don’t know. So yeah, I’m privileged. But no more than anyone can be. I can pretty much do right now, whatever floats my boats.
It just so happens, what floats my boats is creating a world where EVERYONE has the opportunity to do whatever THEY want to float THEIR boats….
You can’t be vulnerable if you’re triggered. You can’t offer cogent thoughtful replies either when you’re triggered. When you get triggered, you offer fodder confirming conservative beliefs about you and other progressives (liberals). Don’t be this guy:
Offer Food For Thought
Once you have earned their attention by thoughtfully, calmly and constructively listening to, and then expressing understanding, only then should you offer “food for thought”.
Food for thought is not telling them they are wrong. This isn’t about right and wrong. Your food for thought should be an attempt to surface their human connection to other humans…even ones they believe aren’t worthy of that connection.
So for example, when a conservative says people who don’t work are parasites and deserve to starve, you must figure out a way to show how a person can do whatever he wants (even not work, for example) but shouldn’t have to starve. Or worse, work a job but not afford healthcare.
If you can’t do that, you have no basis for making such a claim. And a conservative will tell you.
Some conservatives (many people actually) view people negatively. Conservatives particularly believe people are lazy good-for-nuthins. People must earn their living by doing productive work, they believe. These beliefs aren’t factual. They’re conditioned or taught, which is exactly what a conservative told Perry recently:
…Maybe it’s because i’ve been conditioned to believe a certain way or possibly my life experience has taught me to be cautious….
A good way to chart unknown territory with a conservative: appeal to their well-known territory (for the conservative). That is, talk about liberty. But not the way conservatives talk about it.
Liberty as you may know, is a major conservative talking point. But the kind of liberty (aka “freedom”) conservatives believe in is a kind of pseudo-freedom. It’s not really freedom as it is based on coercion: As far as conservatives believe, your freedom doesn’t extend to being a lazy parasite on society. Another way of putting that is: your freedom shouldn’t cost me or anyone else. So pull your own weight.
The response to this point is: “you’re right. And in the 21st Century no one’s freedom should cost anyone anything. This is the future. Everything is possible.”
· · ·
Perry likes offering this tasty morsel, which creates amazing moments that, at first, stupefies conservatives. But then leads to remarkable, real, conversations.
It begins with Perry’s definition of real freedom:
“A person who is really free can do nothing if that’s what they want to do. A person who wants to spend all their time learning to paint, play video games all day, or fish or whatever, can. And they can do those things (or anything else) without going hungry, living on the street, or getting care for their body (or mind) if necessary. If they’re free that is. They can also get all the education they need or want to learn or improve any skill while doing whatever they want without having to earn money to get those things. And…the person exercising their freedom can do so without anyone else having to do anything they don’t want to do to support that person.”
A definition like that will short circuit most people’s brains (conservative and progressive) namely because most people can’t figure out how this kind of freedom is possible. Perry explains how this is possible. Then shows how the world is careening towards exactly that outcome for everyone.
Your food for thought, therefore, must halt a conservative’s talking points in its tracks. It must get them genuinely thinking. Not spouting conservative boilerplate.
Another example: Perry was at a Starbucks recently. There he happened to sit in a nest of conservatives. That wasn’t his intent. It just happened.
One of the conservative’s asked “what do you do for a living?”
“I don’t do anything for a living,” Perry said. “I don’t believe my living requires me to do anything.”
This conservative’s friend, Mary, piped in.
“So you’re a socialist,” She said.
“No. I’m not,” Perry said.
“Then what are you?” Mary asked.
Knowing Mary was likely a conservative, and therefore Christian (which she was) Perry said “I am what Jesus is.”
That derailed Mary’s train of thought. Now Mary had to ask a question likely not included in her talking points:
“What do you mean?” She asked.
“I am that I am,” Perry said.
The conversation turned to Christianity. Perry is not Christian, but he is well-versed on fundamental accuracies upon which Christianity’s distortions are based.
So he was able to form a connection with Mary through her religious beliefs. Then he turned the conversation towards Christian compassion. He was about to ask Mary if her compassion extends to immigrants and if not why not.
But Mary ran out of time (she had to catch a plane).
Still, you can see, by not getting baited into a debate about “socialism” and name calling, and instead connecting with something Mary held dear (her Christian beliefs), Perry found room in between Mary’s boilerplate about people who she prejudges as “socialists”.
You can do this too.
And not only will the conversations you have stun you in their originality, you’ll learn that underneath all that lashing out, anger and conservative closed-mindedness is a human being wanting to be understood and connected with.
That is the short answer to this entire approach. Giving conservatives what they want, so their minds open.
· · ·
If progressives really want the world they want, they must find a way to give conservatives what they want.
Until you know what that is, you can’t give it to them. And you can’t know unless you understand them. And, you can’t understand them unless you’re willing to talk with them.
And finally, if your approach is based on not understanding justified conservative fear that they’re losing everything, and that’s why they are lashing out, you’re going to have a hard time having a conversation with them.
Rancor in America and elsewhere can be mended. But you can’t expect conservatives to make the first step.
Someone has to though. That someone can be you. And this guide can help.
There are so many people out there offering success recipes.
Facebook, YouTube and other social media advertisement services opened the flood gates. Now, anyone with a success story and some digital tools can hawk their “proven” success tips.
Then there are the “Uber Successsful.”
Millions follow Uber Successfuls, with stardom in their eyes. They want wealth, happiness, the good life. Celebrity.
Anthony Robbins, Gary Vaynerchuk, Arnold Schwarzenegger and many others, offer how their hard work, persistence and vision made them successful.
You can do what they did, they say…
But…
Successfuls, both minor and major camouflage how easy success really is. They don’t do it on purpose. So if you want success, listen to these people. But first, learn how to read their stories.
Photo: Annie Spratt On Unsplash
Successfuls don’t understand the “how” of their success. That’s why their recipes emphasize what’s irrelevant and downplay success’ ingredients.
Learn to read the typical success story though, and you unlock real doors to success. Like successful people promise.
· · ·
Take Arnold Schwarzenegger. Everyone knows his success. Watch this video, seen many millions of times across the internet. In it, Arnold distills his success to five essential rules.
Fortunately, none of the rules he offers made him successful. Want Arnold’s success? Let’s distill what really happened.
Generally, successful people like Arnold suggest specific action. Action you must take to get results. Actions they say will make you successful. While focusing on action, they gloss over the secrets. Secrets all successful people use (and we do mean all).
The reason they don’t speak plain about them? Most aren’t aware what they are. They call them “lucky breaks”, or “chance” or “fortunate events”.
A few come close, but miss, attributing success to “God”.
The rest ascribe 80-90 percent of their success to their hard work, their actions, what they knew or who they knew. They assign 20 percent, or less, to “luck”.
Here’s what’s remarkable about that: it’s the opposite.
Ninety percent or more of their success was “luck”. Effort represents a minuscule percentage.
That means, your success depends on “luck” too.
· · ·
Here’s the good news: It’s not luck.
Success happens via direct, deliberate easy-to-use processes. Processes you control. Processes Successfuls use. That means, any outcome you want is possible.
You don’t need luck. You only need to know the processes. Then you can manufacture “luck” at will.
More good news: It’s impossible not to be successful. That’s because you already know how the processes work. You’ve only temporarily forgotten.
(photo of person thinking)
You listened to the video. Notice Arnold ascribing all his success to his five rules? Notice his casual references about where luck mattered?
Probably not. But we did. Let’s recap.
How Arnold’s Success (And Every Other Success) Really Happens
At 00:25, Arnold introduces his success “rules”. These rules, he says, work for anyone. “Rules” imply things you must do. They also imply things you must not do (don’t break the rules).
Don’t follow the rules, Arnold says. You won’t be successful. Or happy!
But life doesn’t work that way. You are eternal. It’s not possible to “not be successful”.
Eternity has no finish line. You always get do overs. There’s a second chance, a third, a fourth, fifth, sixth…etc., on through eternity.
Every next moment is a change to start anew. (Meme: By the author)
But when you think “oh boy, there are RULES I’m going to have to follow?” that lengthens your success path.
There are no rules you must follow.
At around 00:38, Arnold describes Rule #1: “Find” your vision and follow it.
Have no vision or goal, he says, and you’ll drift around and not be happy.
Arnold says, if you don’t “find” your vision, you’re lost. But he doesn’t explain “how” to find your vision. Maybe he didn’t have time to explain. Perhaps he doesn’t know how.
Visions or goals aren’t something you “find”. You can’t help but have them! Life experiences evoke from within you unending desires. THOSE ARE YOUR VISIONS. Arnold describes this, but not in his rules. Instead he buries it in his life story.
Though Life Experience Visions Are Automatic
After Germany and Austria’s defeat in World War II, Arnold wanted escape. He wanted out of war-torn Europe. That was his first vision! His first goal. Did he have to “find” it?
No!
His life experience drew it from him.
That’s how your life works. From your experiences you birth visions and dreams. Visions sometime feel like dislikes. Arnold disliked Austria. He wanted to escape. That was his vision. He didn’t need to find it!
Arnold’s rule number one is wrong. There’s no “finding” your vision. They come automatically.
Yet, less than a minute into his speech, Arnold reveals secret number one. At 00:54 after knowing he wanted to escape, he “luckily” watched a documentary about America.
Arnold Giving up the secrets. You always know Successfuls share real secrets when they use keywords such as “luck” or “fortunate”. (Photo credit: YouTube/Goalcast)
Was this luck?
If it was, then you’re screwed.
Because luck only happens to the lucky!
Good news: it wasn’t luck! This is how life works for everyone.
Arnold had life experience. Life experience clarified his vision. Get out of Austria. But he didn’t know how or “to where”. His Broader Perspective did though. His Broader Perspective arranged his life to include the documentary. It was not “luck”. The film showed up on purpose.
It’s likely Arnold doesn’t know he has a Broader Perspective. So instead of giving credit where it’s due, he called it “luck”.
When successful people tell success stories, keep listening for keywords like “luck”. When they use such words, they’re giving up secrets. Their secrets are not actions, advice or rules you must follow.
Only one thing makes you successful: lining up with you Broader Perspective. It is arranging your success all the time. Your Broader Perspective always speaks to you. Most of the time, you’re not listening…Successful people find a way to listen.
Successful people would have no stories to tell without Broader Perspective’s involvement.
· · ·
Ask any successful person you know if they could predict when, where and from whom these “lucky breaks” would happen. Every person will say “no”. Human awareness is too small to know. It’s too small to arrange billions of events, and resources becoming your life. Including people who’s ideas will benefit you. Ideas those people haven’t even had yet!
Trippy, right?
All this is beyond normal human perception. Right up until such events become reality. But it’s child’s play for your Broader Perspective.
After seeing the documentary, Arnold “knew that is exactly where I wanted to end up” he says. Young Arnold got excited. “Excited” is an emotion. Emotions tell you you’re on your way to success. That’s their purpose.
Arnold was on his success path. He felt positive, excited. All he had to do now was keep following his vision as it evolved. Broader Perspective would do the heavy lifting (pun intended). It would create one event after another.
When strung together, Arnold would find himself successful.
It’s that easy. It’s so easy, you can do it.
So did Arnold have to “find” the vision of “ending up in America”? Nope. Then why do you?
Next, he asked “how will I get there?” The answer already existed. His Broader Perspective already held the experience “ending up in America”. It already had shaped many paths leading to America. Paths including people who could help Arnold get there.
It didn’t matter Arnold didn’t know how he would get there. Just by asking the question, he matched his Broader Perspective’s “knowing”.
What happened next reveals another secret having nothing to do with Arnold’s effort.
At 1:09, Arnold says: “…One day I was fortunate enough to see a bodybuilding magazine…” In the magazine, he says, he read an article about Reg Park, a former Mr. Universe.
Arnold’s second clue. The keyword “fortunate” always points to knowledge, the speaker is unware they have. (Photo: YouTube/Goalcast)
“Fortunate” is another keyword. When Successfuls uses this word, perk up. Here’s what they’re saying. “I don’t know how the heck this happened, but it made me successful, so pay attention, I’m telling you the secret”.
Arnold couldn’t get himself out of Austria on his own. He had no idea “how”. He had no money. No one did. He had no idea “where” he’d go.
But his Broader Perspective had answers to how and who and where. The documentary, then Reg Park were answers Arnold wanted.
Arnold got inspired. He felt excitement. In his excitement, he primed the next major event. The more positively focused you are, the quicker things happen.
At 01:22 Arnold says “I read the article as fast as I could”. Park’s success boosted Arnold’s enthusiasm. You could say Park and Arnold share the same nonphysical origins. Park’s experience pointed the way for Arnold’s ambitions. Through Park’s example, Arnold realized his own path.
Life works like this for everyone. It is not luck. It is not fortune. It is not random. You have life experience. It spurs desire. Broader Perspective makes it real at once.
You don’t experience that realness as immediate as your Broader Perspective. Why?
Because desires become real slower in physical reality than in nonphysical. In nonphysical, things become things immediately.
It’s a good thing it’s different here. Too much crazy stuff would happen otherwise. But that’s another story.
Just know that your success happens exactly as Arnold’s. Not successful yet? You will be, after you learn how do to what Arnold did. Not what he says he did. What he actually did.
In other words, no rules.
Arnold describes Park “all of a sudden” landing “in Rome. He’s doing Hercules movies” after training and winning Mr. Universe.
But Park’s success (and Arnold’s) didn’t happen “all of a sudden”. It happened over time. “All of a sudden” is a keyword phrase. During that time, did Park or Arnold work hard? Struggle? Sacrifice? We don’t know about Park.
But that’s how Arnold describes it. If you watch Arnold’s training footage, however, you would see he wasn’t working hard.
Note the yellow box. Arnold acknowledges his “hard work” and “struggle” “didn’t matter”. (Photo: YouTube/Goalcast)
More likely, he was enjoying it. That’s how he explains it. But you must listen carefully.
At 2:04 he says hard work wasn’t part of the equation. Nor struggle. “It didn’t matter” he said. Why? Because he found his passion. Meaning: he knew he was on his path.
· · ·
Let’s summarize so far. Here are the first steps to everyone’s success:
Your desires, automatically surface through life experience. These are your visions/goals.
Now you know what you want. That moment, your Broader Perspective becomes that. It then sends you clues via intuition, events and circumstances spurring your desire. It’s never full blown desire fulfillment. It’s bread crumbs on a path.
Watch Arnold’s speech again. See if you can ignore Arnold’s rules. Instead, tune in to keywords in his story. Keywords indicating how Arnold (and every successful person) unknowingly reveals real secrets. Secrets so secret, even Successfuls don’t know them. Even though they share them.
Arnold’s “rules” had nothing to do with his success.
Speed Builds As Success Gets Bigger
Later in his speech, Arnold’s early successes inspire even bigger desires. He’s had some success. He’s feeling confident. So he shoots for bigger dreams.
At 2:30 he talks about being another John Wayne. But he wouldn’t be able to have had that grand vision had he not started with his smaller one: leaving war-torn Austria.
That dream got fulfilled when he first saw the documentary, then read the magazine. By then, he knew how (follow Park’s example) and where (go to America).
So Arnold didn’t follow Rule #2: Never ever think small. He thinks he followed it, but his first thought wasn’t huge. It wasn’t “become the next John Wayne.” It was “get out of Austria.”
Not “become the next Mr. Universe”.
Not “Become a movie star”.
Just: get out of Austria. Where? “I don’t know!” How? “I don’t know, I just want to escape!”
When you have a small goal, it’s just as big as a big goal, because small goals lead to bigger ones. You don’t have to start with a big one. Start where you are.
Arnold didn’t have a big goal to start. He started where he was.
You don’t have to have big dreams.
Next we come to Arnold’s Rule #3: ignore the naysayers.
Arnold didn’t follow this rule either. He did listen. Why do you think he took english classes, accent removal classes, diction classes…
Meanwhile Arnold’s Broader Perspective delivers what Arnold calls “a little break”.
But it actually was a massive real-ization: a part in a TV show.
That part lead to Pumping Iron, which made Arnold niche famous.
By this time, Arnold’s dreams blossomed more and more. The more real they got, the happier and more confident Arnold got. Arnold’s attention turned to bigger and more exciting dreams and desires. How? His dreaming capacity increased with each previously fulfilled goal.
Again, that’s how life works.
Conan The Barbarian: The Big Break
Then came Conan The Barbarian. Let’s talk about Conan the Barbarian, something Arnold calls “the big break”.
The Epic Conan Poster.
Arnold says it came “finally”. As though he had been waiting a long time.
But he’s not recognizing every fulfilled desire preceding this famous movie. Each fulfilled desire made the next possible. Fulfilled dreams come in succession. Not in a Big Bang.
Conan was impossible before Stay Hungry. Stay Hungry: impossible before Pumping Iron. Pumping Iron: impossible before that TV role. All Arnold’s acting, impossible before his preparation. His preparation, impossible before winning Mr. Universe. Winning Mr. Universe, impossible were it not for Reg Park and the magazine article. The magazine article, impossible before the documentary. The documentary, impossible before wanting to escape. Wanting to escape, impossible before the aftermath of WWII.
A long series of manifestations, one leading to the other, made Conan The Barbarian possible. Including events having nothing to do with Arnold.
That’s important!
First, there had to be a Conan The Barbarian concept. Original Conan stories were first published in 1932. That’s fifteen years before Arnold was even born (1947)!
The Conan stories then had to become comic books. They started out as fantasy stories. Not comic books.
Frank Frazetta, a famous fantasy artist, was born in 1928. Well before Arnold could have known about Reg Park. Frazetta’s art became famous. According to Wikipedia, “His interpretation of Conan visually redefined the genre of sword and sorcery, and had an enormous influence on succeeding generations of artists.”
In other words, Frazetta’s art boosted Conan’s mystique.
Somewhere along the line, the Conan fantasy inspired a future movie director. All these events happened well before Arnold started acting!
See?
Many events, inspirations, sparks of imaginations. Imaginations happening well before Arnold was born!
Then, came Arnold’s tiny dream: Get heck out of Austria.
Conan was monumental. Note how Arnold describes it. We’re pasting his verbatim commentary so you can read it without the video. It’s thrilling:
“…You know what was so interesting about it was the director said that at the press conference, if we wouldn’t have had Schwarzenegger with those muscles, we would have had to build one.”
Then, about Terminator:
“James Cameron said, the “I’ll be back” line became the most famous movie lines in history because of Arnold’s crazy accent because he sounded like a machine!”
Here’s what we wrote before about these kinds of events. Events organized by your Broader Perspective:
“When your Broader Perspective organizes events in your life, it works with other people’s Broader Perspectives. Your Broader Perspective has your best interests in mind. Other people’s Broader Perspectives have your interests in mind too. And vice versa. So when a person shows up in your life, they agreed, through their Broader Perspective, to be there. In being there, they get what they are wanting. Even as you get what you want. Everyone in any situation gets the same thing: what they want. There are no exceptions to this.”
That director’s Broader Perspective, and James Cameron’s Broader Perspective, Frank Frazetta’s Broader Perspective, Reg Park’s Broader Perspective….were and are working with Arnold’s Broader Perspective. Such coordination got/is getting everyone what they wanted/want.
Did you get a little shiver down your spine, or goose bumps across your body?
That’s your Broader Perspective agreeing with us. Because what we’re sharing with you is 100 percent accurate. You have control over this process. Let’s review the steps adding steps three and four:
Your desires surface through life experience. These are your visions/goals. It’s automatic.
Now you know what you want. That moment, your Broader Perspective becomes that. It then sends you clues via intuition, events and circumstances spurring more desire. It’s never full blown desire fulfillment. It’s bread crumbs on a path.
You must now merge with your Broader Perspective. You’ll then hear clues and perceive event chains. These event chains are desires fulfilled over time. How do you know you’re merged? You are positively focused. You are happy, appreciative, joyful, excited, inspired. All these tell you you’re merged.
Watch what happens. Celebrate when desires get fulfilled, then move back to step one.
These basic steps make all Successfuls successful. Your success equals anyone on any stage telling you about their success. Working hard isn’t required.
You only need to do what they did. Not what they say they did.
Your success may not look like Arnold’s, or any other’s success. Your life is unique. You’re not here succeed like others. You’re here to succeed in your way.
Successful people don’t share secrets of their success directly. That’s because they don’t know the secrets. Instead they talk about what they did. They encourage you to do what they did. They don’t tell you it’s not about doing. Success is about being. Being merged with your Broader Perspective.
That’s the secret.
Now you know. Now you can listen to their experiences, tune out the irrelevant 10 percent. Then tune in the 90 percent that made them successful.
Pain endurance: unnecessary.
Everything Arnold did, he did because he wanted to. He enjoyed it. Here’s why he says otherwise. Like many successful people, he doesn’t understand how he got success. Instead he justifies his success. How? By saying he found his vision, worked his ass off, didn’t listen to anyone and endured pain. Performing altruism is a nice touch. But as you know, many successful people become altruistic after succeeding.
None of those things made him successful.
What made him successful were “lucky” breaks, big and small. Those and “fortunate” events impossible to arrange on his own.
Those events his Broader Perspective arranged. Yours can too.
We invite you to listen again to Arnold’s story. Or any successful person’s story. See if you can tune out the rules. Tune out what they said they did, and listen to the 90 percent their Broader Perspective did for them.
Arnold’s story is inspiring. But ignore his advice. Learn to read his story correctly. Hear the “hidden message” to turn inward. Listen to your own Broader Perspective. Merge with it. Then chart your own delightful path.
Everyone is born with unique talents. That includes you.
You also come with tendencies. Tendencies leaning toward expressing those talents. Feeling those tendencies then following them will change your life.
It is not possible to come to earth with no passions, skills, strengths or direction. Are you feeling like you have none of these? Are you bored about life? Feel stuck in a rut? The problem isn’t what you’re doing. It’s how you’re thinking.
You brought everything with you needed to live your greatest life ever. Living your greatest life ever includes consistent happiness.
Happiness is an emotion you conjure deliberately. When you don’t, it comes and goes.
Here’s the secret to living your greatest life ever: Be happy first. Then everything you want comes easily.
There’s a reason you feel bored or tired or sad or unfulfilled. It’s saying “How you are thinking right now needs to change if you want what you want.”
· · ·
Ask someone “what is the purpose of emotions?” You won’t get the answer you just got. Yet it is the key to everything you want.
Not many people know you can become happy in a few seconds no matter what is happening. Not knowing this, happiness is fleeting.
But happiness can be permanent. Learning to conjure happiness is all it takes.
“How do you conjure it?” you ask.
We’ll get to that. But first, let’s spend some time exploring why being happy first gets you all you want.
Happiness is the key to everything. It’s more than just an emotion. (photo: Artem Bali)
Happy matters…a lot
What if you had two options:
Option A:
Work your ass off. Struggle. Scramble to network and contact. Try to find people you need on your side. Then, some time later….through all kinds of trials and struggles…you make it. Whatever “it” is for you.
It’s a great story to tell. “War wounds” galore. Maybe your marriage failed along the way. Or you have a substance abuse problem. Or you developed an anxiety disorder in the process.
Sure you might be rich. But you might not be. And if you are, you might lose it. A lot of successful people fear losing their success.
That’s not being happy.
Option B:
Be happy first. Tap into your Broader Perspective so you can feel your tendencies. Then learn to follow them.
This way, happiness comes in two or three minutes instead of after you make it. At that point, you have what you want: you’re happy.
But it doesn’t end there.
The right people, the right timing, the right resources, the right events all happen with little effort on your part. Day after day, what you want starts happening.
You’re getting what you’re wanting. Struggle, stress and anxiety free.
Along the way, your connection to Broader Perspective grows. You lose fears, including the fear of death. Anxiety goes away. Worry does too. You realize you’re eternal. Life becomes fun. And happiness becomes permanent.
To us, the choice is clear. Option B happens exactly like this. Here’s why that is, and why happiness matters.
Photo: Hans Vivek
Happiness more than an emotion. It serves a critical purpose. It tells you when your life condition matches your Broader Perspective’s condition.
Your Broader Perspective is the you you are projecting yourself from, into this physical reality. You’re “here” on earth. But you’re also “there” in the timeless, spacious present we call the “moment of becoming“.
The moment you decide you want something, you have it in the spacious present. But you don’t get what you want in physical reality as quickly. Why? Because things happen slower here. That’s a good thing.
How many times have you said, for example, something like “I wish my boss would die, that bastard!” or “I wish I never married my husband!” or “I wish you were never born”?
It’s a good thing you don’t immediately get what you want.
Things don’t have to happen as slow as they do either. They can happen faster. What’s slowing them up? We’re going to tell you.
Photo: Frederik de Wit
You have Broader Perspective. It knows all potential outcomes. It knows All That Is. It knows everything you want. It has everything you want. It knows how you can have all you want.
What would that part of you feel? Wouldn’t it be happy, excited, free, joyful and fulfilled?
Your Broader Perspective is you. So is the you here on Earth. When you’re feeling happy, excited, free, joyful and fulfilled, you see the world the same way your Broader Perspective sees it. Seeing the world that way tunes you to your Broader Perspective.
When you’re in tune, you’re able to hear messages it’s sending you. Messages leading you to what you want.
That you can feel happiness (or not happy) is how you tell if you’re tuned to your Broader Perspective. When you’re happy, you’re in tune. When you’re not, you’re not in tune.
The less in tune you are, the less you can hear your messages. Life is harder when you can’t hear your messages. That’s why being happy first is so important. It tells you when the communication channel between you and you is open.
So happiness must be something you can conjure at will. Otherwise you couldn’t hear what you’re sending. It’s important because it tells you you and the broader you are in synch. When you’re in synch, you can hear the messages. Follow them and you get what you want.
Back to the question: “how do you conjure happiness”?
The answer is: by learning to think deliberately.
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How you think is important.
Yet hardly anyone teaches “how to think” in school or anywhere else.
You can learn how to think critically. Or how to think like an engineer. Or a lawyer. That instruction teaches how to be productive in a given field.
But hardly anyone is teaching how to think so you can be happyin life.
Here are practical steps on how to think.
Think your way to happiness
Photo: Aaron Huber
Usually people think happiness happens when something they want happens.
I get a new car. I’m happy!
I get a raise. I’m happy!
I had a great time last night. I was happy!
When I meet the guy of my dreams, I’ll be happy!
Happiness does happen that way. But only when people don’t know what you’re reading.
As we wrote above, happiness can be a permanent condition. It’s actually supposed to be that way. Meaning, it can happen in sucky situations too. It all depends on how you think. Not what is happening.
Let’s say you’re at work. You’re bored to death. Or maybe you didn’t get that promotion. Maybe you discovered you make less than your equally-skilled peers. Maybe you’re losing your job.
Your boredom, disappointment, anger or fear is not happiness. That means you’re not tuned into your Broader Perspective. You’re not deliberately thinking.
But you can be tuned in. And you can be happy now. How?
Think of something positive long enough until happiness shows up. It’s that simple.
So you’re in your office. Something’s happening. You feel negative.
Turn your attention to something that pleases you. The clothes you’re wearing, for example. Perhaps they are some of your favorite clothes. Think about how much you like those clothes. How well they fit, how good you look in them. Think about the compliment you got on the bus on the way to work.
It would go like this:
I really like how I look in this
I like how I feel in this
These clothes make me look (hot, professional, skinny, etc)
I look (hot, professional, skinny, etc)
I like looking (hot, professional, skinny, etc)
I like feeling (hot, professional, skinny, etc)
You could do this about a coworker or a person in your office you might have special feelings for. Think about how much you like that person. Think about how much you like talking with them, how they make you laugh maybe. Think specific thoughts about them like the ones above:
I’m so glad so-and-so is in my life
I’m eager to see how this might turn out
It was cool so-and-so said hi to me
I feel like I’m back in high school
It’s fun to have a crush!
Maybe you really like the way you have your office organized. Think about how much you like organization. Think about how good that feels to you. Think about how good it feels to you to turn a messy desk into an organized one. Think specific thoughts about it like the ones above:
I really like being organized
I like having everything in their place
It feels good to be organized
I feel best when my space is ordered
It’s nice to see clutter turn to order
Your thinking doesn’t have to be monumental. It only needs to trigger positive feelings. How and why this happens is too detailed for this piece. We’ll describe the mechanics another time.
Photo: Oleg Ivanov
While thinking these thoughts, pay attention to your feelings. First you feel boredom, disappointment, anger or fear. But as you think on purpose, you’ll feel different. It might be pleasure or mirth. It might be satisfaction. It might be relief. It might be self admiration. It may be pride. Or humor. Or love.
All these emotions tell you you’ve moved from boredom, disappointment, anger or fear, which is not happiness, to something closer to happiness.
These things you’re thinking about are in your current situation. If they weren’t, you couldn’t think about them. When thinking about them, you’re experiencing them. Even though they aren’t in your physical experience.
So turn your attention to them. Not whatever you’re experiencing. You mood will improve.
The moment you notice your mood improve, turn your thinking to that. Acknowledge what you just did. You changed how you’re feeling without changing your situation. Note how much better you’re feeling now. It feels better than you felt just a few moments ago. Congratulate yourself. Say, “Wow, in just a few seconds, I changed my experience from X (negative emotion) to Y (better feelings). That’s pretty neat!” Come up with five or six other thoughts:
This is new and exciting.
Hmm, I like how this feels
I like that I can do this.
I feel a whole lot better
Wow, now I’m feeling even better!
In a few thoughts, you’ll find yourself thinking different, but related, thoughts:
I wonder how far this can go?
Could it be this easy?
This is actually kind of fun!
As you stay on that track, you might feel or hear your thoughts change. Notice them change to other pleasing things. For example, you might find yourself thinking about the sex you had last night. Focus on that and you’ll find yourself feeling other….er…sensations :-).
Keep it up and your feelings will get increasingly positive. And yet, your conditions haven’t changed.
Practice with obvious things until you’re good at it. Then move to less obvious thought topics:
Think about how cool it is that you woke up today.
Or that your body functions mostly without your attention.
Or that you really like the color of your house.
Or that the sun comes up every day
Or that there is plenty of air to breathe
So now you changed your reality. You were feeling negative. Now you’re happy. You’ve also created a new physicalreality. Your positive emotions come with physical experiences. A smile on your face, a lighter disposition. You may even see the difference.
But there are changes happening you can’t see. Not at first. Your entire life experience is changing. It is tuning into experiences leading to what you’re wanting. Not just one of those things either. All of them.
In other words, you’re not doing this to feel good. You’re doing this to feel messages your broader perspective constantly sends you. This is where your impulses come in.
Photo: Tim Foster
As you gain more thinking skill something else happens: You get an impulse to do something. It will be subtle. It will be more feeling than words. It might feel like “go to the bathroom”, for example.
Let’s say that’s it. You get the sense to go to the bathroom. You may not have the biological urge to go. So it may make no logical sense. But when you get it, go.
When you do, you might bump into the person you were thinking about. Or you might get a text from your partner. Or a call from someone you’ve been wanting to hear from. You might run into a co-worker who says, “I was just thinking about you.” and offer you something unexpected and surprising.
When that happens, you’ve gotten exactly what we described in the beginning of this post: Things happening with little effort on your part. The only action you took was following your impulse to go to the bathroom.
This is Option B brought to life.
· · ·
You want to practice this until you do it automatically. In the same way you think now. Look at your thoughts. They probably come and go on their own. That’s practiced. You’re not thinking on purpose.
That can change.
The more you practice, the more you’ll get “hunches” or “impulses”. Of course, as you practice, you’ll get what look like false impulses. You’ll take action and it will seem nothing beneficial happened. These are actually true. Something beneficial did happen.
For example, say you went to the bathroom and nothing happened. But something did happen. Feel, then act. Notice how you’re feeling and thinking. You might be thinking “this was dumb”, or “I look like an idiot”.
Those thoughts are telling you something. They are saying “you think what people think about you is more important than getting what you want”. Why else would you care about how you look? Embarrassment is an emotion triggered by this belief. If you’re feeling embarrassment or stupid, you’ve cut off communication between you and you.
Now hear this: You wouldn’t have known this thought is keeping you from hearing your messages if “nothing happened”, right? So somethinghappened:you got clear about something you needed to know to get what you want.
When you feel an impulse after tuning into Broader Perspective, either:
A. Take action immediately. Go talk to that person, go to the bathroom, take a nap or whatever. Then see what happens. If something happens that feels like nothing, refer to this post about “false” results.
B. Wait. Take no action until the feeling to act is so persistent you must follow it. THEN act as in point A above.
At first, you might have a hard time feeling impulses. Getting used to telling the difference between an impulse and a random thought takes practice.
Mindfulness, i.e. paying attention will allow permanent happiness. (Photo: Lesly Juarez)
Can you see how this practice turns your life into an amazing adventure? At first, you’ll get a lot of “false” results. But those “false” results aren’t false. Again we describe that paradox here.
Keep going and life fills in with subjects and interests and people matching your passions, skills, strengths and desires. You’re now following your tendencies and they are leading you to all you’re wanting.
But…
Doing this process once or twice it’s not enough. You’ll feel good for a moment. But your old habit (automatic thinking) will return. This is why people who try these things end up failing. They don’t apply themselves enough.
Want to get everything you want and live happily ever after? Repeat these steps over and over. For how long? Until thinking this way is as natural as the way you think now.
Then you’ll become your Broader Perspective. Then you have it all, including lasting happiness.
Trusting your intuition promises an extraordinary life.
That’s because your intuition knows how to lead you effortlessly to everything you’re wanting. When your intuition delivers what you’re wanting, everyone else gets what they’re wanting too.
In this post, we’re going to describe how to develop trust in your intuition, so you too can get everything you want. And be extraordinarily happy in the process. We’ll do that by telling the true story of how Perry got an open relationship in his marriage. Even though his wife didn’t want one. At first.
Perry got this (and a happy marriage) by trusting his intuition. Not by sneaking around, or trying to have a direct conversation with his wife about what he wanted.
Everything you’re wanting, everyone else wants too. Because when you get what you want, so does everyone else. That is, if you let your intuition give it to you, instead of trying to do it yourself.
Trust: It’s Built On Proof Of Trustworthiness
Someone we respected at the time had smart words about whether a person is worthy of your trust.
“Trust is consistent performance over time,” they said. Meaning, a person’s behavior over time demonstrates their trustworthiness. Not their say-so or their promises.
Same is true with your intuition. If you let it, your intuition will prove its trustworthiness over time. As your trust increases, your intuition’s demonstrations grow more dependable and noteworthy.
Before long, you’re living an extraordinary life.
Having trust is crucial. Trust comes from proof your intuition is trustworthy.
Having trust is crucial. Whether you trust it or not, your intuition is accurate 100 percent of the time. That means whatever you’re wanting, your intuition knows how you can have it. And it can lead you to it.
Making your dreams happen without your intuition’s help is hard. And no fun. It takes longer and you sacrifice more. When making dreams happen you miss out on wonderful synchronicities. Synchronicities allowing you to get what you want while allowing others what they want.
That’s the delightful path. The other path makes you bitter, frustrated and defensive about any success you’ve eeked out.
Learning to trust is a never-ending, always evolving and a “getting better all the time” process. The more you trust your intuition, the more consistent evidence you receive. Before long, results you produce are obvious and consistent. It becomes difficult to remember a time when you didn’t trust it.
When you are wishy-washy about how your intuition works, you get wishy-washy results. Let’s say you think or believe intuition is at best random and or at worst some kind of force acting against you. In that case, you’re going to get results consistent with those beliefs.
Science and other well-meaning perspectives at best caution following intuiton. Harvard Business Review, for example, puts it plain: Don’t Trust Your Gut. “Intuition is a fickle and undependable guide—it is as likely to lead to disaster as to success.” the article cautions. On the other hand, the World Economic Forum (WEF) suggests it’s more complicated than that. WEF says intuition can be trusted, but works better when balanced with understanding how it works.
The problem is, both organizations, and science in general, say intuition is a brain mechanism. In defining it that way, they have missed the mark. Intuition comes from beyond the brain. By calming brain activity, through meditation for example, one discovers a deeper source of knowledge and awareness, one that can be trusted: One’s broader perspective.
Broader perspective is intuition. It is reliable, but you have to learn how to hear it. And, it functions in a particular way. Through it you create reality. If you believe your intuition is a random voice in your head, it will give you guidance consistent with that.
Intuition fulfills what you believe.
(Photo: Rohan Makhecha)
So how do you develop trust in your intuition? Become sensitive enough to tell the difference between it and not it. Then follow its guidance. Generally, you become sensitive by testing.
But here’s the thing: you can’t test and be invested in the outcome. Especially if your investment is contrary to what you’re wanting.
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Let’s say you want a million dollars, but you don’t believe you can get a million dollars. Your intuition is going to lead you to what you believe: not getting the money.
So start with things you don’t have an investment in. Start with something simple. Something you believe you can have. A choice parking spot or meeting a friend “coincidentally” for example. These are light, fun outcomes to start with.
Unless you think those things are “just coincidence”. If that’s you, you have to start with a different test. Something not tainted by your I-already-know-this awareness.
Your intuition delivers. Every time. But it only delivers what you believe. (Photo: Nick Karvounis)
No matter what you use to test your intuition, early on, some outcomes will always be “false”. But even “false” outcomes are teaching moments. So they’re actually “true”. It’s important you understand this.
For example, you might treat the process too seriously. Making it a serious process creates too much resistance. Your intuition is sending you spot-on guidance. But you can’t receive it because, in your seriousness, you’re blocking the receiving. How that works is explainable but would make this already long piece longer. Just know one reason for a “false” outcome could be you’re being too serious about the results.
Being too serious leads to confusing results. Especially if you aren’t aware of what’s happening. You’ll get results. But they will be “false”. So you’ll think the process isn’t working. But these results show the process working. They’re trying tell you: you’re doing something that’s blocking getting what you want.
“False” results also allow you to see old beliefs that are contrary to what you want. “Intuition is BS” or “Is this coincidence?”, or “I can’t do this” are examples of such beliefs. Recognizing these thoughts and beliefs are part of the trust-development path. How can you do something about them, if you’re unaware of them?
So every result you get is “positive”. It leads you to the result you’re wanting, or, it’s highlights something preventing results you want. Can you see how “false” results would then be “true” even though they are “false”?
Recapping: trusting intuition requires knowing what you want. It requires knowing what you want is possible and being light about its arrival. Knowing “false” results are actually, not “false” is also crucial.
Letting Intuition Do The Work
Perry’s life stories show how he gets what he wants by following his intuition. We’ve recently shared stories of his wife doing the same.
We’ll continue sharing these stories because we know real life stories are better than theory. But your real life experience is an even better teacher. It’s easy to dismiss Perry’s experiences as coincidence. Or as a cool thing that happened to him. It’s another thing when it happens to you.
Photo: The Roaming Platypus
Even so, here’s how Perry’s trust in his intuition got him what he wanted. With little effort on his part.
This isn’t a process to get what you’re wanting at the expense of another person. No one on the planet is being “used” by another. It doesn’t work that way.
How it does work is, while you get what you’re wanting, others get what they’re wanting too. The world (and the All That Is) is large enough to give everyone what they’re wanting at the same time. Even if what you’re wanting is something another doesn’t.
Perry and Bridget have been together for five years now. Perry didn’t marry Bridget for the reasons most people do. He knew his path lies in being free to explore all relationships which come his way. We know, this doesn’t sit well for many people in today’s society. Especially in the US. Old erroneous beliefs about human life still shape many cultures. Questions of “ethics” “morality” and “propriety” dictate people’s perspective.
Perry knows one relationship can’t meet everything a person is wanting. Society’s encouragement of “death do us part” isn’t about a wholesome vow of love and commitment. It’s about insecure people trying to control other people’s behavior. So they feel less insecure. But that’s another story.
So we understand if you disagree with the “open marriage” part of this story. Think about it as “something someone wants, but is afraid to get it. If they did, someone dear to them would be angry if they got it”, ok?
Perry married his wife because he knew it was the best thing for his wife at the time. He knew giving that to his wife required putting some things on hold. He also knew exploring relationship alongside Bridget would bring “more” to him. Bridget would benefit too.
But when they tied the knot, they agreed their vows would not be “until death do us part”. Instead, their vows ended with “for now”. Meaning “let’s see how this goes day by day, with no real long-term commitment about anything.”
At first, Bridget wasn’t too excited about that.
Throughout these five years, many people have come into Perry’s life experience. Not all those potential relationships had to do with sex or intimacy. Many did though.
Perry didn’t act on these opportunities. He was too focused on his relationship, his projects and spiritual growth.
Bridget too was learning a lot too. She had a lot of disempowering beliefs. Beliefs that were operating under her conscious awareness. They were shaping her behavior and dictating her life experiences. Many of these beliefs did not make Bridget an ideal partner. A lot of them she inherited from her relatives and past relationships.
These realizations weren’t always eye-opening, positive and wonderful experiences. Many surfaced in ugly, angry fights. Fights over small things. Which became big things when these little things triggered her old beliefs.
Photo: Jason Wong
One day a new guy friend asked Perry about his marriage. He couldn’t understand how Perry could be transamorous and yet married to a woman who isn’t transgender. A lot of people don’t understand this.
Perry described his marriage, including the “for now” clause. He also shared his desire for an “open” kind of relationship. For now, he said, he was working with Bridget in a mutually beneficial relationship. One where Bridget’s desire for monogamy, born out of her personal insecurities, took priority.
His friend said “you should introduce Bridget to someone she might want to be with. That would allow her to open up to you doing the same.”
It was logical advice. But it felt like manipulation to Perry. And he was right. It’s what anyone who doesn’t trust their intuition would do: try to control circumstances to get what they want. Including living a double-life behind their partner’s back.
Perry is not like that. Instead, he let his intuition do the work. Not was it better than being sneaky or conniving, it was more fun. What happened over the next two years proved that.
· · ·
For reasons too many to go into, Bridget has been an insecure person most of her life. She learned to manage that insecurity by controlling other people and circumstances. Control to an extreme degree. Knowing this, Perry couldn’t have a rational, productive conversation about an open marriage. He brought it up a couple of times. But even in counseling it sparked a firestorm.
So, instead of talking about it, Perry acted as if he already had one.
Now hold up. It’s not what you think.
He thought about what it would be like having an open relationship. He even explained to others that he was in one. But he never behaved in a way contrary to his commitment to his wife.
He would, for example, tell people how free it was to be in an open relationship. He would add, that neither he nor Bridget actually acted on the freedom. They didn’t need to, he said. Just knowing that was available freed both of them from the pressure of monogamy. In being free, he said, they didn’t have to act.
Being free was the key.
In other words, Perry thought and related to others as if he already had what he wanted. He didn’t act on it. Even when he had opportunity to. Why? He was too busy with his life, his projects, his spiritual path. So there was no inconsistency between his behavior and his marriage in terms of intimate behavior. Just in his words and thoughts (beliefs).
That’s when interesting things started happening.
Providence aka Intuition, All That Is and the Universe Step In
Bridget already had at least one friend who was in a polyamorous relationship. But more people started showing up in her life in them too. Her new friend Claire was in a relationship with a guy who was unwilling to be monogamous. Claire struggled with the idea. And with insecurities she felt around her partner being with other women. She talked a lot about it with Bridget. In time, Claire started seeing other guys, as she became more comfortable with it. She actually started enjoying it!
Of course, all this she shared with Bridget as girlfriends are wont to do.
Then Bridget’s best friend started talking about being in an open relationship. We’ll call her Nancy.
Perry and Nancy had a private conversation about all this one day. Nancy knew Perry was producing remarkable results in his life. Including changes in his relationship with Bridget. Changes that were causing Bridget to change too, which Nancy noticed and appreciated.
So she wanted some advice.
Nancy is married. Like a lot of marriages, Nancy’s marriage is touch and go. Sometimes when one of the two wants to touch, the other wants to go! Neither Nancy or her husband thought they were getting what they wanted. Like Bridget, both were insecure. Their marriage reflected all that insecurity. It was not satisfying for either party.
After talking with Perry, Nancy began her own positively focused lifestyle. This changed her. With the changes, her husband became more insecure. Long story short, Nancy and her husband eventually opened their marriage. Turned out her husband already was seeing someone else.
Today, they’re still sorting out the details. Both are dating other people. Nancy dates a few men, finding great satisfaction and empowerment in that.
Witnessing her friends’ experiences effected Bridget’s insecurities and fears. As friends shared their enjoyment, her fears and insecurities started going away.
Meanwhile, Perry reconnected with an old flame, who is transgender. This person agreed to do a photo shoot with Perry. There was nothing inappropriate going on between Perry and this person. But the energy between them was obvious.
Perry told Bridget about this person, including showing Bridget a picture of her. Bridget said she was beautiful. There was not an ounce of insecurity in her voice or demeanor.
Perry noticed this. But said nothing about it.
In the past, Bridget would have given Perry the third degree about the photo shoot meeting. She’d joke (not so jokingly) about his “date”. Or she would tease him (with a tinge of sarcasm) about his “new girlfriend” he would be “spending the day with.” But this time, she was easy about his plans.
No sarcasm. No jokes.
Was Perry surprised by these changes? Nope. He knew his broader perspective was orchestrating events not only in Bridget’s life. But also the lives of her friends’ and their relationships. Everyone was getting what they want. Including Perry.
Life will surprise and delight you. If you let it. (Photo: Andre Guerra)
Four months later, Perry scheduled a meeting with this transgender person about another photo shoot. Bridget knew about the meeting.
The day of the meeting, as Perry was getting ready to go, Bridget walked up to him.
“Have a great time,” she said. She meant it too. “Feel free to do whatever pleases you dear. I love you.”
What she meant was, Perry was free to have an intimate experience with his friend, if that’s what he wanted to do. In other words, Perry and Bridget had just walked into an open relationship.
Of course, Perry felt this coming. He saw the signs leading up to it. Bridget’s friend, her neighbor, her best friend’s experiences eased Bridget’s concerns. So Perry didn’t have to have some tense, uncomfortable conversation. Instead, he found himself one day in exactly what he wanted with a loving and supportive partner to boot.
Since then, Bridget has made extraordinary progress in her own positively focused lifestyle. She’s turning into a different person than who Perry first met. Perry has too. So has Nancy. Bridget has even explored with her own dalliance. With Perry’s blessings.
When you learn to trust and follow your intuition, not only does your life benefit. So do the lives of those around you. You get what you want, with little effort on your part. All this is available when you are positively focused.
How To Let Your Intuition Convince You
Perry has been doing this positively focused lifestyle for a while. Starting to learn to trust your intuition? Don’t start with opening your relationship.
Start with small things.
Before Perry’s story we were talking about “false” outcomes being as important as “true” results. Both offer valuable insights. What insights do “true” results offer? Clues showing you how intuition works so you can trust it.
Let’s say you’re using your intuition to guide you to a parking spot. You lightly set your intention. When you get where you’re going, you envision an open parking spot near your destination will be waiting.
Then you get ready to go. You’re positively focused, paying attention to all the great things about your life. Maybe you’ve practiced this process for several weeks. So you’re in a really good mood, and have been for a while.
So when you arrive, not only is there a parking spot. You have “rock star” parking: the parking space right in front of the store. Elation!
It works!
What proof! You recognize the co-incidence of your intent and the realization of it.
Or…
You arrive and you don’t get a space. It’s crowded and it takes you a while to park.
Either way, what happens next is important.
You want to note what happened. You also want to note how you felt through the process. Get your journal ready and answer these questions:
How was I feeling right before I acted? Positive? Ornery? Frustrated? Calm?
Did I feel anything about my intention? Optimistic? Eager? Positive? Or doubtful, worried, silly, embarrassed or disbelieving?
Did I get any kind of confirmation that I would fulfill this intention? Was there a shiver in the spine or goosebumps at any point along the way?
How was the “intensity” of the confirmation (if one was received)? Was it light and passing? Or was it a feeling that wouldn’t end? Did it (the intensity) remain steady? Or did it increase over time?
If I did receive confirmation, was there a difference in how it felt? For example, was it more a feeling and less of “words in my head” or vice versa?
Where was the feeling? Was it “high” in my head? Or was it “deep” in my head? Or was it in my stomach? Or was it all over?
With these questions, you can start pinpointing what the process feels like along the way. With practice, you learn the language your intuition speaks.
What if you’re experiencing negative emotion like frustration?
Frustration, disbelief, or any other negative emotions are positive. They tell you there are beliefs you hold working against you. If you didn’t feel them, how would you know you had such beliefs?
So negative emotions aren’t what people think they are. In every case, they are helpful. They tell you whether you’re 100 percent on track with your intention. Or not.
So when you feel a negative emotion, you want to examine your beliefs. There will be a thought in your head expressing the belief. “This is all bullshit” is a thought telling you you have a belief that goes “this doesn’t work” or “I don’t believe this”. It sometimes is accompanied by anger, indignation, feeling critical, impatient, belligerent, or judgmental.
Embarrassment or shame is something a person might feel when trying something for the first time. Embarrassment shows you believe other people’s opinions about what you’re doing are more important than getting what you want.
When you identify the belief, write it down.
Then use this process to soothe that belief over time. Your beliefs determine what you get. So negative emotion is a gift: it points to beliefs preventing you from getting what you want. Remember, intuition leads you to what you believe. Not what you want.
Let’s say you didn’t get the parking spot, and you don’t have a negative feeling. The “false” result offers insight to other potential sticking points. One may be something you’re doing (or not doing) that the “false” outcome is pointing to.
As we said before, you might be too invested in the outcome. You might be putting forth too much effort (action). Or, you might not have refined your intuitional listening.
For example, in a particular exercise Perry is doing these days, he gets four choices. Only one of them is “true”. The exercise helps refine his intuitional listening. Here’s a picture of the exercise platform with one of his test outcomes.
Sometimes, during this game, he will feel two communications offering two different choices simultaneously. Sometimes both are “true”. One being “true” now…the next being “true” in the next trial. Here intuition is sending answers to two different trials.* It feels like mixed messages. But it’s actually two messages delivered at the same time.
Your intuition operates outside of time and space. It’s sending you information all the time. Your job is learn to cull what you’re wanting from the constant information stream.
Humans are used to linear time. Learning to trust intuition means unlearning one’s familiarity with that. And the idea that everything happens in a single file, one-moment-after-another process.
“False” outcomes also help ease your focuse on results, causing you to enjoy the journey more. The outcome is not the goal: the connection to your inner knowing is. That’s the goal. Not the outcome.
(We needed to repeat that because it’s really, really important).
Relaxing into the journey is the goal. Not the outcome.
The cool thing is, when you’re focused on the real goal, the happy side effects (“true” results) come easily. And delightfully.
Like Perry’s open relationship.
Get good at hearing your intuition. Master focusing on the connection between you and you, which is the “true” result you’re wanting. Then more and more evidence, i.e. “true” outcomes, will pile up.
One day you’ll realize you are trusting your intuition. Because evidence in your life experience is so plentiful you can’t help but trust. Then you’re on your way.
*You can download and play this game yourself here.
Bonus content:
This is Perry. I’ve received A ton of amazing insight since my Inner Being and I wrote this post, over a year ago. Continue this journey with me. Read my newest post, published yesterday,which offers a great follow up.
