Life is delightful, and, sometimes challenging.
Last month, in cahoots with Inner Being, I realized over $10,000 in project funding. Rendezvousing with that money came surprisingly and delightfully, which is how “right timing” always feels.
Between jobs last month and with COVID-19 shutting down job opportunities, I slowed down looking for work. In that space, I realized what I wanted more than a job paying the bills, was my projects paying the bills.
But existing stories about my projects paying my bills created ongoing nows consistent with them. That’s why I needed work. I didn’t believe my projects could pay my bills. So that’s the reality I got.
• • •
Earlier this month, I decided I would allow those stories a path out of my awareness. Doing that, I knew they would no longer influence my Moment of Becoming.
Do that long enough, I knew, and stories consistent with my desires would show their momentum. My awareness would expand towards that and, in time, I would experience reality consistent with new stories, instead of what is.
That’s what I started two weeks ago. On Day one, determination reigned. By Day 12, old stories re-asserted themselves. All stories or beliefs or thoughts enjoy leaning toward their fullest expression. Once in the head, getting them out takes work, unless I know what to do, which I do, so it’s not work. It’s easy.
My old stories reveled in my then what was. The more I looked for work, the stronger their momentum. Their revelry felt like pressure, fear and anxiety in me. Leading up to Day 12 I entertained thoughts like these:
- I gotta get a job. My savings are running out.
- I should take whatever I can get.
- If I don’t take this job, there may not be others.
- I’m in competition with others for jobs I want.
But then I reminded myself that I create my reality. Thoughts don’t create my reality. I do, by thinking thoughts. That means I can choose thoughts I think. Choose thoughts that feel good and I know by my good feelings, realities consistent with what my Inner Being has in store for me will become my reality.
That’s what I did. I chose thoughts that feel good. “Thoughts that feel good” sounded like this:
- I don’t need to take any of these jobs I feel “blah” about
- There are plenty of jobs available for me…
- I’m not competing for the job that’s for me. It’s only for me.
- My Inner Being knows the best job for me.
- I’ll wait for that best job.
But then, something happened. I began thinking totally different thoughts, thoughts that felt even better!
- I don’t want a job!
- I enjoy working on my projects.
- Why can’t my projects pay my bills?
- They can!
- I want that reality!
- Working on my projects full time feels fun!
That was around Day six. Between Day six and Day 12, old belief constellations reasserted themselves several times each day. They (those beliefs) popped into my head under their own momentum.
Thankfully, I trained myself into monitoring my feelings. Any time I felt bad, I knew old stories popped up, even if I didn’t know what thoughts I thought at that time. Negative emotion usually came when my attention slipped into the future. That’s a no-no because when thinking about a future I want I easily slip into thinking about the “how” and the “when”. How will my projects sustain me? When will that happen? Will it happen before I run out of money?
Those thoughts always conjured negative emotion.
Sometimes I knew what thoughts I thought. Other times, I didn’t. Either way, anytime I felt negative emotion, I pulled my attention back into the now, then focused on the positive beliefs.
When I couldn’t shift my thinking because momentum had too much strength, I took a nap, or did something I enjoy: watch a favorite movie or take a walk.
By Day 14, I had done a lot of all that. I felt good.
On Day 14, I had wonderful dreams and epiphanies I journaled about. Then, one of my Positively Focused clients sent a message on WhatsApp. He’s not only a client, he’s keen about Copiosis, one of my projects. He’s given money to that organization before.
It just so happened, I launched a social media advertising strategy earlier in the week for that project. So I had plenty to show him. The progress excited him. So much so, he said he would give me more money to run that organization. Then he said to use the rest of his gift to fund my living expenses so I could work full time on my projects.
How much was “the rest”? Nine thousand, eight hundred and eighty dollars! I walked right into my desired reality. I withdrew most of that, but kept some in Bitcoin.
• • •
Here’s the thing about all this. That money is great. Now I don’t need a job. It will fund my living expenses for most of the rest of the year. More money is coming, I’m sure.
But what’s more thrilling is what I experienced on the way to this money. The deliberate focus. The lining up with my Inner Being. Clarity coming from that. Positive, wonderful, ecstatic feelings that come from that clarity. Every moment I stayed in the present moment, the Moment of Becoming, I enjoyed throughly. In other words, most of that time I was happy. I’m happy still.
Those times I didn’t I stay in the Moment of Becoming, I see as beneficial too. Without them, I couldn’t tell that I wasn’t in the Moment of Becoming. So even those times benefitted me. 👍🏾👍🏾👍🏾
Getting the $10K is great. But desire fulfillment lasts hardly as long as the anticipation, the joyful expectations, the pleasure that is knowing it’s on its way, and seeing the signs as I move toward that fulfilled desire. Since I’m eternal, new desires will always spring up. So I’ll always be on the way to one desire or another.
That means, life gets mostly lived on a journey towards someplace. Every time I arrive, arrival births new desire. Which is why I know this: Life is about the journey. Not the manifestation.