The Key To Easily Creating My Best Future Nows

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I know my stories and beliefs about the world create the world. I also know my stories and beliefs are right there, in the forefront of my conscious mind. So it’s easy to see what my future is going to be. I only need to think about what I’m thinking, and believing. And saying.

Soothing thoughts creating realities I don’t want is precious. It’s precious because that’s how I create desired reality.

For example, I know it’s not a given that certain conversations about things have to be tough. There are infinite versions of such conversations in nonphysical representing probable and alternate versions of said conversations.

The conversation has already happened. The question is, which version am I drawing into my experience?

There are versions where such conversations turn into arguments. Versions where they become fist-fights. And there are versions where they’re pleasant, easy and productive too.

The conversation can be hard. But it can be easy too. And fun!

That’s how I want them to be. Pleasant, easy, productive.

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The key to creating realities I want instead of ones I don’t is understanding the “Moment of Becoming” (MOB). Then drawing the desired reality I want through that so it becomes my life experience.

How do I do that? I do that through deliberate thinking and feeling.

That’s easy (with practice).

• • •

Every event, every thing, every interaction began first as a thought. The vast majority of events, things and interactions happen with little conscious attention to how they become.

That’s because Humans aren’t aware of what you’re reading. They’re literally overcome with “reality stimulation”.

So they create their individual and collective life experiences without their conscious participation. Which is why so many get the life experiences they have.

I know it is possible to create events, things and interactions on purpose. The way I want them to happen. I know I can create people the same way. That’s what I want. That’s what I’m learning more how to do.

I know, and you know, reality can be created on purpose.  Things like inventions, art and such happen like so. Especially things we buy. Creators of those things go through a creation process not too dissimilar from the one creating reality. Those creations are reality.

I know the same process works for my personal life experience. Everything else too. This personal experience is how I’m practicing making “creating” a regular part of my life experience in this time-space reality. While at the same time refining my creative prowess in other dimensions. Including nonphysical.

Imagine what life can be like when I’m creating on purpose and it unfolds as I’ve intended! It’s happening more and more already.

That’s why I’m excited about life more and more. And more Positively Focused too. The more Positively Focused I am the more life creates according to my purpose.

The more that happens the more thrilled I get. I want to have more. So I get even MORE Positively Focused. Then life gets MORE like how I want it. So I want even more…

It’s the best positive feedback loop ever!

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The positive feedback look that is my waking reality.

Ok…Back to conversations…it’s a great example of how to be Positively Focused.

• • •

Last night my housemates came home well after 10 p.m. Ten begins the “quiet hours” of the day here at the house.

But they weren’t quiet. They had been out drinking and were loud. I had gone to bed at 11 p.m. I woke to their noise. At first I was irritated and annoyed.

My first thoughts were negative about the experience. They’re what I call Thought-Reactions.

  • Ugh, they’re so loud
  • I hope this isn’t going to be a normal thing
  • Don’t they know it’s the quiet hour?
  • I’m going to have to talk with them about this.
  • Ugh, I bet that conversation will not go well

But then I noticed the emotions “irritation” and “annoyance” for what they are.

I knew those emotions meant I wasn’t seeing this experience the way I see it from my Broader Consciousness. Another way of putting that: I was seeing this situation through my old beliefs/stories, rather than beliefs/stories supporting my desired future reality. Emotions I felt were telling me my focus was creating not on purpose.

So I sat in bed, and started thinking different thoughts. I literally made them up, which is what creation is.

I thought thoughts consistent with future experiences I want to have with my housemates.

All future experiences exist right now, alongside the present moment, in the Moment of Becoming as all things do, including probable and alternate pasts, presents and futures. So having them become my reality is a simple process of aligning my thoughts and beliefs so they’re consistent with the reality I want to have.

Here’s how I did that.

First, I thought thoughts that soothed old thoughts I had about my housemates. I could be brief because I caught the momentum early:

  • I can tell hey had a good time
  • I’m glad they enjoyed themselves
  • They’re not always this way…

Then I turned my attention to thoughts about me and what I want:

  • This is a great opportunity
  • I’m glad I’m having this experience
  • It’s giving me an opportunity to practice what I preach 😌
  • I enjoy seeing that this is actually a positive experience
  • Without this experience, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to practice!
  • I love practicing creating reality!
  • I love seeing this practice create positive results!
  • This is a great opportunity I’m giving myself!

Pay attention to what you’re feeling as you read each statement set. As you do, maybe you’ll feel the subtle but real energetic difference between the thoughts. Which thoughts feel better?

Thoughts draw to themselves thoughts like them. All thoughts want to express the fullest version of themselves…right into physical reality. That’s why inventors, artists, writers, etc., get inspiration. An idea “grows” in nonphysical. It’s seeking its full spiritual expression which is physical expression. When it gets to a certain point, it draws to it physical circumstances most likely matching its desire.

Voila! A great invention, work of art or masterpiece! Or a conversation aligned with the creator’s intent.

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It’s how reality happens! An accumulation of “thought” energy sufficient enough to move that energy “forward” into physical expression.

So I know this work at 1 a.m. last night was valuable work.

And doesn’t that mean that my housemates arrival and loudness also was valuable?

Their coming in late catalyzed opportunity to create new future experiences while simultaneously changing past experiences.

Similar past experiences in which I created that first set of negative Thought-Reactions.

It would be easy as I write this to think of past experiences like this one where I felt annoyed and irritated.

Instead of thinking about them now, I’m thinking about that probable future.

The future that I’m creating. The future I want. Where I have a conversation with them that’s light, fun, happy and productive.

And I’m adjusting thoughts and beliefs about that conversation. How it’s going to go. More important: How I’ll feel in it.

Then I’m focusing on those emotions: vibrant, alive, eager, happy, positive, influential, encouraging… As I do, new thoughts come to mind. Images too.

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Thoughts and images about how to communicate with them, what the conversation looks like. How fun it will be. How we’ll joke and laugh about it all.

I know that when I’m creating reality, the right combination of thinking (telling stories), beliefs (stories with a lot of momentum behind them) and emotion is key.  Editing stories and beliefs, which means catching myself when thinking beliefs that create my reality, then changing them by creating preferred stories/thoughts/beliefs that will create my desired reality, is the first step. Sometimes it’s easier pinning the emotion. Beliefs sometimes seem hidden.

I’ll get to that.

Next, turning my attention to emotions which come up as I tell the new stories focuses/amplifies the inexhaustible energy that is what I am. It puts that energy into motion.

That forward motion draws energy like it. In time, so long as I’m aligned with that energy, what I desire must be.

Because all ideas seek their fullest expression. And their fullest expression in this-time space reality is physical.

This is the way a reality creator creates.

• • •

Consider the movie business. A movie producer/director begins first with the idea. Then imagines it expanding into more. Then she writes it down. She creates a script or screenplay. Then she assembles her team and equipment to make it.

The tangibles – the team, the actors, the equipment, and the actual ready-to-view movie, come after the idea is well under way.

She doesn’t start with a finished physical movie, then try to adjust the characters, the scenery, give crew direction, write the script, the camera angles the lighting, etc., after the movie is already made!

That’s what Humans do though. Instead of working with that which creates their reality (their thoughts and beliefs) they try changing the movie itself (the reality they experience).

A producer starts first with an idea.

In the same way, I know I create my reality. I’m most effective when I plan my moments in advance.

My tangibles are thoughts/beliefs/emotions. They are my connection to my Broader Consciousness flowing in nonphysical and always focused on orchestrating what I’m wanting.

My Broader Consciousness delivers what I want in wonderful ways. It is my production crew. And it’s top notch. There’s no movie it can’t create for me. Just look at my dreams!

My Broader Consciousness is me. My Broader Consciousness is my extended self. Too big to fit in physical reality and yet always there focused on me because it is me! And it loves what I’m doing here. Always!

In the same way a movie producer begins with an idea, I know I create reality the same way.

I start first with an idea. Energizing it with thought momentum combined with the powerful energy of my emotions. Then I wait for the right inspiration to act.

Acting or actions aren’t the way things happen. The “happen” has already happened. Acts are the path through which I rendezvous with that which has happened. 

⬆️⬆️ That paragraph is worth re-reading. ⬆️⬆️

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Beliefs/stories are always available in consciousness. They are not buried in some “subconscious” or “ego” or some other hidden place as psychology would advise.

Beliefs/stories only look invisible when they’ve become so active they do two things: 1. They stop being in my awareness because they have become “true” for me. 2. They’ve moved so far forward into expression that they stop being beliefs and show up as my reality!

In other words they ARE true for me. So true I can see them, touch them, feel them. Hear them. Experience them.

By focusing on how I feel in any given moment, I’m aware of the reality I’m creating. Emotions will lead to beliefs which seem hidden but aren’t.

They are easy to find once I know how to look. “Find” isn’t the right word though because beliefs/stories are right in the open expressed as my reality. I know the best place to hide something is right in the open. That also makes “hidden” things easy to “find”.

Creating reality is fun now that I know how it happens. All creators get aid from the best positive feedback loop ever.

But what’s really fun is diving into the process, playing with the tangibles and seeing my movie unfold before my eyes.

Follow up: two nights ago, I had that conversation with my housemates. It was the best creation ever! It started with us just chatting about the day. They happened to all be sitting in the living room so I joined them after pre-paving my reality. After some fun and laughter about our days and life in general, I got the intuition to say the perfect thing which lead to a wonderful outcome about that night that prompted this post.

Our newest housemate just broke up with his girlfriend. He was heartbroken. So my other two housemates took him out for solace. Getting drunk is what some people do to forget for a time. 🙄

My new housemate apologized as did the others. Then we went right on chatting about all kinds of topics including spirituality, wealth, entrepreneurship and more.

It was the best conversation ever. Just as I had intended.

How My Dream Job Gives Me My ❤️’s Desires

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We humans think a dream job is one that checks our boxes.

Great pay. Interesting work in a field we choose. Lots of bennies and more.

But this is what society tells us a dream job is.

I know a real dream job is one that comes to from nonphysical, the world of dreams. It’s born of my connection to my Inner Reality. Because of that, my dream job matches who I am in the moment.

This true story shows what I mean. As I tell this story, my Inner Being will chime in. Consider it nonphysical color commentary 😀.  I’ll italicize their input. Like this:

· · ·

We know Perry’s life experience is a dream experience. It is no less a dream than dreams he dreams nightly. Physical human life experience, or wake-scape, looks more real. That’s only because humans put most of their attention on it. Wake-scape springs from and renews itself from dream-scape. Wake-scape is dream-scape, materialized. It is a more tangible dream.

What humans call dreams can be as real as wake-scape. There is great benefit cultivating such awareness. Perry knows this. Finding experiential balance between waking “reality” and his Reality of Origin – his dream-scape – produces seemingly extraordinary experiences in Perry’s wake-scape. But they aren’t extraordinary. They are “facts of life”. They’re what happens when anyone prioritizes their relationship with their Inner Reality.

· · ·

In a previous post I said I would share how I got the bridging job I now enjoy.  My Broader Perspective says this is the perfect job for me right now. Almost daily neat realizations spring from it.

I’ve written in previous posts about some of those. How I got this job is what this post is about.

I’m surprised how much I enjoy this job. It’s not what I would have said I wanted to do at this stage in my life. But so much changed since making my Inner Reality my top priority…

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Before that, my aspirations came from Belief Constellations I created. I created these constellations listening to parents, teachers, television, and observing others’ experiences.  My own life experience and interpretations of said experience also contributed. All this formed rich constellations of beliefs. Beliefs from which came my aspirations: A rewarding career. A luxury car. A nice home. Lots of money. The American Dream.

Living from my Reality of Origin is far more rewarding than what I had. Focusing on the Moment of Becoming, while holding awareness of my Experience of Origin, makes physical life experience fascinating. I’m far more thrilled than when I was a “successful professional” with all that stuff.

· · ·

Fascination is what life experience is. It becomes ho-hum when humans forget how every instant springs from what Perry calls “Belief Constellations”. You create your reality. The fascination returns when you get this, then see your creation’s emergence from thoughts you think. Once visceral, tangible, physical life experience proves this to you, more than anything you want to express that creative ability more and more. Life becomes fascinating again. As you knew it would before you decided to physically materialize.

· · ·

Here are some of the beliefs included in my past Belief Constellation(s). Maybe you identify with some of them:

  • Success is the American Dream
  • Owning expensive things indicates success
  • Marriage is the epitome of relationship success
  • Having expensive and varied life experiences are success indicators
  • Having lots of money indicates success
  • Having a great socially-stimulating lifestyle, with lots of friends and lovers is success
  • An executive job with a high-faluting title and fat salary means you’ve made it

None of these things are bad. I had all those things. I enjoyed aspects of them.

But my enjoyment was perverted. They weren’t essentially enjoyable. They were expedients. What made them that? How I experienced them.

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You see, all that success masked an inner yearning. I was outwardly successful. I also was stuck. I felt a missing…

As you know, society, marketers and the internet says things and experiences can fill that missing. I believed them. So I sought satisfaction, meaning and self-worth in these things.

Seeking my self-worth in that, I ignored my essential essence. I gained the world and lost (my connection to) my Soul Awareness. I was outwardly happy in the sense that I knew people looked at my life and admired what I achieved.

But I had achievement backwards.

Back then achievement was what others said it was. Now achievement is simple: being happy. It’s fascinating transitioning from previous belief constellations to the current, still emerging, constellations.

Happiness now comes from my Essential Essence. Not from things. Or even other people. Living focused on my Essential Essence brings continual, always increasing happiness, and satisfaction. Everything I was looking for in all that accumulation and success-seeking.

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I know everyone has a Reality of Origin. If traced far back enough, we all share one origin. If traced far back enough, it’s the same for all of us. My Reality of Origin changes all the time. Like my now and my future. The past is never stagnant.

Putting dominant focus on how my Broader Perspective sees life, while standing in the Moment of Becoming, I find great satisfaction. I know what is is becoming more like what I want. That awareness is happiness.

That’s essentially what life is for me now.

· · ·

It’s challenging for some and nearly impossible for others to believe beliefs create reality. Everything in physical life experience stems from a person’s thoughts. That reality is convincing. It’s easy for humans to get lost in it. Then create the illusion of separation between thoughts and created reality. Then think and believe consistent with that. That separate reality is “objectively real”, separate from thought.

Then they’re stuck (until they aren’t). They now think thoughts consistent with a separate, objective reality. All life experience is born of beliefs. So their life confirms for them a separate, objective reality.

There’s no reason that reality can’t change to another. All it takes is the same work humans put into creating the reality they have. Most aren’t ready to do the work. Even though it’s the source of incredible success, happiness and prosperity. They get what they’ve creatED and complain about that. Instead of creating what they want. And realizing the joy that comes with that.

· · ·

There are beliefs a lot of people share. Except maybe the wealthy.

The main one is: “I must trade my time and effort for money”.

I have this belief.  I believe(d) that money only flows into my life experience when I do something to “earn it”. Well, I’m changing that belief. Still, momentum of that long-held belief pervades. It’s everywhere, isn’t it?

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It’s like a powerful river current. Ever tried swimming against a strong river current? Making headway is impossible.

For four years I swam against the current of my beliefs about money and jobs. I refused to get a job.  Instead, I believed money would come to me through my projects.

And while some money has come, it’s not yet where I want it. Money is coming through my projects. But my beliefs about money close the door on what would otherwise be an abundant flow.

It’s challenging for some and nearly impossible for others to believe beliefs create reality. Everything in physical life experience stems from a person’s thoughts. That reality is convincing. t’s easy for humans to lose themselves in it. Then create the illusion of separation from it. Then think and believe consistent with that. That reality is “objectively real”, separate from thought

Then they’re stuck (until they aren’t). They now think thoughts consistent with a separate, objective reality. All life experience is born of beliefs. So their life confirms for them a separate, objective reality.

There’s no reason that reality can’t change to another. All it takes is the same work humans put into creating the reality they have. Most aren’t ready to do the work. Even though it’s the source of incredible success, happiness and prosperity. They get what they’ve creatED and complain about that. Instead of creating what they want. And realizing the joy that comes with that.

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One day, this video showed up on my YouTube account. I know everything showing up in my life is on purpose. The message was clear. It makes more sense to have a job, a temporary one, while I allow new belief momentum to grow.

But I wasn’t going to get a job the normal way. That’s because I knew a better way was possible. Having is work for me requires remembering five key points.

  1. Creation rarely happens in an instant. Creation doesn’t happen in a flash. It happens through steadily increasing momentum. The result I want is immediate in nonphysical, but, materialization takes a while. Also, physical reality contains more resistance than nonphysical. So materializations don’t happen here instantaneously. This illustration is helpful.
  2. By the time I desire something it’s done. But its materialization depends on me receiving messages leading me to the doneness. If I’m not open, or in tune it gets delayed.
  3. I know I’m ready when I’m consistently positively focused. That’s because my Experience of Origin and my Reality of Origin are pure positive energy. Being in tune means experiencing physical reality the same way I experience nonphysical reality: with as little resistance possible. Resistance is lowest when positively focused.
  4. Looking for the result slows it down. This is important. Looking for the materialization puts energy on its absence. It adds resistance. Materializations happen quickest when I’m not looking for them.
  5. Early signs of materialization feel like a thought interruption. I know when I’ve received the message when a thought happens that I’m not thinking. Meditation helps condition my mental atmosphere so it isn’t noisy. In that peaceful mind-state, such messages stand out from ordinary thought.

Aware of these five points I knew getting a job could be easy. I wanted to be the evidence of that. Of course, that’s what happened.

I was on my daily walking meditation. I wasn’t thinking about getting a job. I was thinking about my resistance about getting one.  I didn’t want a job that would consume all my energy like professional jobs I’ve had. I wanted to be able to have capacity after work to work on my projects. I didn’t want to get up early to go to work and spend my mornings (my valuable creative time) working for someone else.

Then I caught myself. I realized I wasn’t positively focused. So I changed my thinking.

I thought instead about how it would feel to get a job matching everything I wanted. I dropped my criteria. Instead, I focused on how it would feel getting a satisfying job. One matching my current state.

I had no idea what kind of job that might be. Or how much it would pay. I was a blank slate. Fertile ground for my Inner Being.

The Inner Being that every human has knows everything that person wants. That’s because the moment the person decides they want something, it is real in nonpyhysical and part of one’s Inner Being. That’s the Experience of Origin.

The Inner Being thereafter, organizes pathways. Pathways that, if received by the person, will lead to the desire’s physical manifestation.

We know this is the way life works. It only looks different because of where humans put attention. The more they look at what they don’t want, or reasons why they don’t have what they want, the more of what they don’t want they get.

This is purposeful, as we said before. It eventually causes a turnaround. The person starts listening to their Inner Reality. Just as Perry is doing.

Matching my physical reality with my Inner Reality is the best way to hear impulses from my Inner Reality. So on my walk, I thought “how would my Inner Being feel about me having the perfect job?”

What came to me was: “triumphant, appreciative, jubilant and joyful”.

That was the message. It came out of the question. It wasn’t me thinking that thought. It’s hard to describe. Impulses are easier to feel than describe.

Next, I put attention on these emotions. Jubilance, appreciation, triumph and joy. I let them build. I felt better and better. Soon I felt great. Extreme positivity. How could I not? Jubilance, appreciation, triumph and joy feel great, right?

Then, after three minutes, it happened.

The name of the company appeared in my head. I knew it wasn’t me thinking that name because my thoughts were on the good-feelings. Besides, that company name wouldn’t have come into my head. I rarely think about it.

Nothing else followed. It came so suddenly, it surprised me. Then it was gone.  I was thrilled. Fascinated. It happened just like my Inner Being said it would. Eager and excited, I continued my walk.

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The view from where I sat by the river.

At the end of my walk, I sat alongside a river’s edge. I pulled out my phone and looked up this company. Was I surprised to see they were hiring?

Nope.

I applied on the spot. In an hour, I got a hire date contingent on next steps.

First I had to video record one-minute answers to three questions. Later that week, I had to pee in a cup. The proctor told me supposing no disqualifying indications, I would start on my start date.

And that’s what happened. In less than a week, I went from wondering about a job, to getting one. No resume prep. No searches. No interviews. Only a piss test.

· · ·

This job offers a lot more than soothing my old beliefs, enough income to cover all my basic needs and a little spending money. The shift I work allows ample morning time to meditate and work on my projects. The work itself is light on my mental capacity. That leaves lots of mental leeway to practice being positively focused. Lots of mental leeway to strengthen my connection with my Inner Being, Inner Reality and my Personal Trinity. It also brings new relationships and experiences. Relationships and experiences I share here.

Those relationships and experiences are divine rendezvous. Experiences letting me know I’m on my path.

When not working, I’m not working. I bring no work home like I did in my high-stress jobs of the past. That means even more focus time.

And, the work itself is energizing, physically rigorous and demanding. My 8-hour shift passes quick. I feel strong, light.

This job is one more proof point in a mountain of evidence. Evidence piled so high, I know nonphysical reality is real. I know everything my Inner Being told me and is telling me is playing out. I know all this manifesting business works.

Not because of what happens. Because of how I feel moment by moment.

In this way faith is unnecessary. Tangible evidence is overwhelming. Who needs faith in the face of so much evidence?

Trusting my connection with my Inner Reality is growing at an incredible rate. Proof begets trust. And a desire to know more.

I know I create my reality. I want to understand more deeply how that happens.

It’s thrilling thinking about what will happen next. I’m living the fascination my Inner Being says life can be. That’s why I write this blog. I know based on feedback I get that what I’m sharing inspires others.

And ultimately, that’s why I’m here. To inspire others not only to their dream job, but to their extraordinary life.

 

 

Real Life Evidence Is The Best Spiritual Evidence

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Things happening in my life is how I know my spirituality works.

My my life gets better and better. In every area.

Coming on the heels of the previous story, the following is further proof. Further proof how All That Is makes things happen with virtually no effort on my part.

In that previous post I wrote about what seemed like a chance meeting, but really wasn’t. That story showed how when people show up in what seems like magical ways, I know I’m doing this whole “manifesting” business right.

The more that happens, the more I want to keep it up. I’m discovering a brand new kind of life. A life where everything I want happens with no effort.

. . .

This next experience happened last month, one week after the previous post. It shows how the Universe answers my every desire. The path it creates though is never direct. It curves all over the place.

That’s because I’m always adding more to my desires. And every thing added is being organized by me to be experienced by me. That’s why I know I already have everything I want. Even though it looks like I don’t right now.

It looks that way because “right now” is the past. Not the present.

The reason it looks like I don’t have these things “right now” is, because the present has manifestED. The NOW is in a manifestING PROCESS.

The now is always a manifestING thing. In the manifestING NOW, I have all I want. It only takes a while for it to become manifestED. But when it becomes manifested, it’s the past.

I want to be in the steady, manifestING now. Not the “right now”. The fresh, the new is in the manifesting now, what I also call The Moment of Becoming (MOB).

Sometimes I get impatient about not having in the right now what it I want. I know being impatient prolongs the process. So I strive to be happy and positive with the right now, knowing it’s old news. Not news.

What’s more, it takes longer to manifest things in physical reality. In the nonphysical realm of the MOB, everything happens now. The trick is finding satisfaction with that.  Rather than satisfaction on the right now, which is the manifested past.

After all, what is manifestING MUST become manifestED. That’s just how life works. Here’s why satisfaction with the MOB reality is key. When I’m satisfied there, I’m not prolonging the process. The process by which things there become real things in the “right now”.

See?

So I know it’s only a matter of time before everything I want becomes my physical reality, my right now. How do I know it’s happening? How can I believe that? Experiences like the one you’re about to read happen so much these days, I’m convinced.

 

Incredible Outcomes Indicate More Are On The Way

Before I share what happened, here’s some context. What happened was cool. But if you don’t have the context, you won’t understand it.

I now have a bridging job. I call it that because it bridges beliefs I’ve held a while with beliefs I’d rather be dominant.

To explain…

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I have believed, like a lot of people – nearly everyone actually – that money shows up in my bank account when I do something to “earn it”.

That’s not the only way money can show up though. There are infinite ways money can show up in my bank account.

For example:

  • There are people who inherit money.
  • There are people who win lotteries.
  • There are people who steal money and get away with that.
  • There are people who find money.
  • There are people other people give money to for no apparent reason.
  • There are people who’s money comes from interest and investing.
  • There are others who do things today, that later, generate constant streams of money. Like building a company, or creating a film or writing a song today, that perpetually generates income through profits or royalties.

So there are a lot of people experiencing money flowing into their experience. And that flow is not tied to what they’re doing.

My beliefs about money match beliefs most of us tell. Like others, I’ve believed this so long, it has a lot of momentum. The belief that “I must do things to earn money” itself has faded into my consciousness background. Doing so it creates a belief constellation and associated reality. A reality I took for granted as some objective “truth”.

That reality can be replaced with any reality I deliberately create. And beliefs creating that reality can become my new beliefs. A new “truth” emerges. As real as my current one.

The shift can’t happen quick though.

That’s because my old beliefs have a lot of momentum. I know this because I’ve tried over the last four years to force it through action. That didn’t work. My old belief constellation has too much momentum behind it to turn it on a dime. Like the train analogy, old belief momentum must first slow down. Before new belief momentum can dominate.

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So I’ve taken this bridging job as a way of slowing momentum behind my old story.

What I like about living is, I learn how to live better nearly every day. By better, I mean happier. Every day life shows me how to live in accordance with my Personal Trinity in the Moment of Becoming. The better I get at that, the better life gets.

The happier I get.

This bridging job is part of my learning. It came consistent with creating my reality. That’s another story too. One I already plan writing about.

Suffice it to say I didn’t have to do anything to get the job. It literally came to me. And, my Inner Being has told me over and over that this job is exactly where I’m supposed to be right now.

Meeting that transgender woman I wrote about last time, and the way it happened confirms this. So does what happened in this story. So much good stuff is happening, I know this job is on the path to all I want.

Ok. That’s the context.

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So here I am, at my bridging job. I’m preparing to go on a route when another guy asks to ride with me. He does the same job I do. Sometimes our dispatcher pairs us.

So this guy, I’ll call him “Guy”, and I pair up. We prep my van. Then we head out.

Turns out Guy believes in the power of beliefs. He also coaches others on using clinical techniques to change reality. I didn’t know this about him. But that was a nice surprise. I have no idea how successful his approach is.

Anyway, we spend the day connecting over this and other things we have in common. We both enjoy the work we’re doing. We both enjoy practicing positivity. We both enjoy napping in parks. ☺️ We both have other things going on. Things larger than this job we enjoy. We both know life is an adventure. We both have strong spiritual practices.

Midway through the work day, Guy tells me he’s enjoying working with me. The feeling is mutual.

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Guy asks me about what I do when I’m not at the job. I tell him about Copiosis and Positively Focused.

Then I tell him about The Transamorous Network. As I’m talking his eyes light up. He’s rapt while I’m telling about it.

When I finish, Guy says “Perry, I’m a trans guy.”

I knew that about him. But didn’t want to say anything. Was I surprised? Yes.

And no.

Think about this. I’m telling more and more stories about affiliating with the trans community, about wanting a person who matches my relationship desires. And here I’ve spent my entire day with a transgender person! On my job! The job my Inner Being said was perfect for me!

Not only did we spend the day together, we share many things we believe in.

This doesn’t mean Guy is one of my matches. He’s not someone I’m gonna date. I want a transgender woman after all. But he represents my unfolding path to the person I want.

I know life is not a straight line to my fulfilled desire. It’s a roundabout adventure!

I also know I’m not supposed to get everything I want all at once. That would be overwhelming. Imagine if all the transgender women I would meet in this life and the next and the next showed up right now. I’d have so much trouble just remembering all their names!

That wouldn’t be fun at all. Well…it might be at first LOL.

It’s much more fun watching my Personal Trinity put together events. Like this all-day get-together, put together in ways I couldn’t organize myself. Or like that bus experience from the last post. I know it’s all happening — Sarah from two weeks ago, “Guy” from this week, the other transgender woman I chatted with on the bus the other day, but didn’t write about, the media interviews I’m doing more of lately, and whatever else might come next. It’s all for the sheer enjoyment of the unfolding. Not for the end result!

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Illustration by the author

So Guy isn’t the one. I mean he is a match in the sense he matches many of my beliefs. That’s great news. It’s great news because if Guy is this close of a match, imagine what my actual transgender woman match will be!

Guy showing up in my life is like the Universe saying “here’s evidence you’re on the right track. Congrats. Keep up the great work!”

Just as Jeannette was in the last post. Just as the trans woman I chatted with briefly on the bus the other day. It’s all evidence my beliefs are changing.

And here’s the better news: As one belief’s evidence shows up, that means, all my new beliefs are in play too. Everything happens simultaneously.

So I know my belief about money flowing into my bank account, without me having to do anything, is becoming real. I know it’s becoming real because this belief about my transgender partner is unfolding in tangible, satisfying ways.

This is how it works!

Let me be more clear: Meeting Guy, spending all day with him, enjoying the connection and having so much in common with him tells me I’m headed in the right direction. A direction where I’ll spend all day with, enjoy the connection with, and have so much in common with her. The transgender woman who matches me as much and more as Guy does.

And, all that will coincide with an event, where my bank account fills with money.

On the way to all that, I’m having fun enjoying my now.

· · ·

There’s more to the story of course.

Guy then asks if The Transamorous Network would ever expand its work. He wondered if it could help trans people become more comfortable in their skin.

The short answer is: yes.

The longer answer is of course. Until a person is comfortable in their skin, i.e. holding beliefs of self-acceptance, self love and worthiness, they can’t meet their ideal partner. Or have much else that they really, really want.

If I want a person who is confident; someone happy in themselves; a strong and capable person, a happy person, that person can only be mine if I feel that way about myself. I have to be a match to that. That’s the only way I can have that.

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Of course that is what Positively Focused helps people with. We help others learn how to do what I’m doing.

After that, Guy asked me for my contact information. He said he wanted it for when he meets transgender women. He asked whether I prefer non-op, pre-op or post-op women. I think he’s thinking about matching me with someone. Why else would he ask such questions?

I know one of the ways the Universe brings my match into my life will be through people I already know. Since Guy shares many of the same things I believe in, and since he sees and knows a lot of transgender people, who knows what may come of this? That said, I know my Inner Being has far broader perspective than I have. So she can come from anywhere.

That’s not why I’m happy about having met Guy. Guy is a cool person. It’s fun to work with him. It’s cool to have him as a co worker.

And, he’s an exceptional indicator that my beliefs, my new beliefs, are shaping for me a new reality. One in which everything I want is.

Seems something significant is happening every week now. I like that pace. And I know it’s going to get better and better. Real evidence is the best evidence of spiritual validity.

How I Get What I Want Easily

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Photo: Amy Shamblen on Unsplash

The best happiness is conjured. It’s how I get things easily. Getting what I want should be easy. That’s the way life can be for everyone. For me it is.

It hasn’t always been easy.  I had to learn how reality happens before getting what I want came easily. I appreciate what I learned. So I’m sharing it.

In the old days I didn’t know all this. By “old days” I mean a few years ago. 😀

Back then, I got a lot of what I wanted and some of what I didn’t. I got that the same way you likely do. Random!

I became pretty successful, but it was hard work, struggle, sacrifice.

Instead of talking about the old days, I want to talk about today’s days. But I guess I can’t without referring a little bit to the old days for context. 🤷🏽‍♂️

 

How Do Things Happen?

First, let me clarify something: Getting what I want means creating reality.

Many people scoff when “new agers” talk about “creating reality” and “manifesting”. Here’s the thing about that.

A lot of what I want is “real”. Physical events, physical things and, yes, some intangible things too. Like peace of mind. And understanding how life works.

But everything I want, including intangible stuff, must happen in the physical world. I call that “reality”. You probably call it that too.

So getting what I want means experiencing realities different from what I have. New realities that include in them what I want. Somehow, those realities must come about.

How do they come? Aren’t they being created? If so, who or what creates them?

I explored these questions some time ago. I’m glad I got super-clear answers.

· · ·

So when I talk about getting what I want, I’m talking about creating new realities. Realities that weren’t realities before. I’m at the center of “how”. And I’m getting better  proving to myself how that “how” works.

Fig. 1 below shows how I used to create reality. I call it “The Haphazard Way”. Here’s how that process worked for me. Maybe it works for you this way.

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Illustration by the author

 

Reality Needs A Perceiver And It Shapes That Which Perceives

Reality doesn’t exist if there is no perceiver. So reality needs a perceiver for it to “be”. Any consciousness capable of perception will do. In Fig. 1, I’m using me as the perceiver. But it could as well be a dog, bird, cockroach or single-celled organism.

In The Haphazard Way, as perceiver, I look at the world (Step 1 in Fig. 1) and see what’s happening. From that, I choose what I want.

For example, when I was young, I realized having money was a good thing. In high school, I looked at professions where my talents (love of writing, art, etc) would pay most. Then I planned my life to match that trajectory.

So far so good.

But while spending so much time looking at the world, I also couldn’t help see how other people got what I wanted. Sounds normal, right? You set a goal, then look at others’ success as a model for yours.

The problem is, I’m not here to copy what others did. I thought I was. And I succeeded at that for a while. It wasn’t fulfilling though.

I’m a creator. I’m here to do it my way. A fresh way. You are a creator too. You’re not here to copy others.

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llustration by the author

Besides, the majority of humans (like 99.999 percent) create what they want haphazardly (Fig. 1). That works. But it’s not easy. That’s why so many people describe getting what they want as “working your ass off,” “sacrificing”, “paying your dues”, etc. Then they feel proud about that.

Why would I want to copy that? If they knew what I now know, I don’t think they’d feel proud.

But it’s what they know. So I don’t blame them. Instead I say “more power to you!” Because they’re going to need it.

In their reality (Fig. 1), working your ass off (or who you know, or having money, or paying your dues or whatever) is necessary. It’s necessary because they’ve looked at how others have done it. And they are copying that.

I was doing the same. Here’s why I don’t do that now.

 

Living Other People’s Experience By Default

When I copied another’s way, I also accepted their beliefs about reality. Everybody’s doing that. Which is why we have the world we have where pretty much everyone thinks the same way about reality. I thought that way too.

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Illustration by the author

Back to fig. 1: Looking at the world (Step 1) formed beliefs within me consistent with what I was looking at (Step 2). Including other people’s beliefs. If I believed as everyone else, my actions would match everyone else (Step 3). Not my original, pure inspirations.

Beliefs dictate actions in The Haphazard Way

My actions reflected what I believed. Next I’d look at results my actions created (Step 4) to check (Step 5) if they matched my expectations. “Expectations” is another word for “beliefs about the future”. Based on beliefs I got from others, I formed beliefs about the future containing what my acts should produce.

Make sense so far?

Here’s the problem. My adopted beliefs included ways to get what I want. But they also included negative beliefs about the world. About me too.

A major negative belief about the world, which I adopted from others was “there’s only so much to go around”. Another: “I’m in competition for those limited things, whether it’s money, women, cars, etc.” Another: “money doesn’t grow on trees” meaning: it’s scarce.

These are beliefs new agers call “scarcity consciousness”. They make an unlimited thing limited.

My beliefs also included other people’s beliefs about people like me. For example, I had a lot of negative beliefs about being African American and queer. These negative beliefs shaped my self-worth, self-respect and, most important, what I thought was possible.

Maybe you have these too. Where do these come from? I got them looking at the world. I listened to what my parents’ said about the world and believed them. I watched their personal experiences, then formed beliefs from that. I got beliefs from my personal experience. I shaped beliefs listening to TV and radio. I got beliefs from reading stuff.

In other words, I got my beliefs from looking at the world around me (Step 1).

How about you? Where do your beliefs come from? Have you thought about that? Some people I talk with are open enough to say they get their beliefs the same way I did. “I was raised to believe…” is how it usually starts.

Maybe you were “raised to believe…” a certain way too…

Back to Fig. 1.

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Illustration by the author

So when I checked my progress (or lack thereof), I would make up stories reflecting my messed up (inaccurate) beliefs. “This happened because I was black” or, “I can’t do that right” or, “I wish I could do it like that guy”, or “I need money to do that and I don’t have money so…”

The thing is, the world I saw matched beliefs I had. It’s tricky to sort out beliefs I hold from the world I see. They are so intertwined. In reality, they are one. They both reflect each to the other. I know that now.

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Illustration by the author

So no matter what happened from my actions, I interpreted them according to my beliefs. I still do that. That can’t be helped. Life will always reflect my beliefs.

But today, I have a whole new set of beliefs. They come from a new way of creating reality.

What’s interesting is, I wouldn’t have my new way, were it not for the old way.

Life will not differ from how I believe. “Life” is the cycle illustrated in Fig. 1 and 2. Both cycles repeat themselves over and over. Beliefs become automatic. Acts born of beliefs recede into the background. What’s left are results and interpretations.

If I want any part of my reality different, I must change my beliefs. To change beliefs, I must know how they happen. Then use that process differently.

That’s where Fig. 2 comes in.

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Illustration by the author

 

The World Turns From One Thing I See To The Next

I questioned early on why things happened the way they did. So The Haphazard Way helped me. It’s not wrong. I think it serves this exact purpose.

I’m not the only person who knows about this. More are learning it all the time. Here’s how it works:

First, I look at the world (Step 1). But I don’t accept that world as factual. Instead I look at what is and use it to decide not only what I want, but how I would like it to happen.

I don’t think about the specifics of how it could happen. I only think about how it would feel to have what I want (Step 1).

Once I figure that out, I choose beliefs (Step 2) consistent with what I want.  I literally make up beliefs. The more original the better. The beliefs boost the feelings.

Next I hold the feelings the beliefs have boosted. I keep feeling the feelings. I pay as little attention as I can to current reality. Including the fact that it doesn’t contain what I want. I don’t think about what I want either. I only feel how it feels having what I want.

I’m not always successful. But you’d be surprised how little success is needed for this to work.

If/when I’m successful with Fig. 2 Step 2, the universe and the larger part that is me gives feedback, suggestions and impulses about acts to take (Step 3). I try never to act unless I get inspiration. This is important.

Sometimes it takes a long time before I get inspiration. Just ask my wife! 😜

Other times, inspiration comes immediately.

Sometimes I have to sort out where the inspiration is coming from. Old beliefs sometimes draw ideas to me. They sound like “you should be doing….”

The right inspiration doesn’t sound that way.

When right inspiration does come, I try to act immediately (Step 4). Next, I do my best to not look for evidence my acts create. I don’t check. Instead, I use observing the world as fuel. Fuel for more made up beliefs. Beliefs consistent with the reality I am creating, rather than the one I’m looking at.

· · ·

My Inner Being has written in this blog about some results this process produced. It’s going to continue doing that. So many things are happening all the time.

Life has changed for me since using this process. Most important, I’m finding myself happier. Not because I’m getting more of what I want easier, which I am. But because when I’m spending most of my time focusing on positive beliefs, how can that not become a habit? And how can a positive focus turned habitual not produce a reality consistent with that? And how can that not create a happy life?

That’s conjured happiness.

In the end, I want what I want because I think I’ll be happier getting that. When I’m positively focused, I’m already happy. That’s the best place from which to have what I want show up. It takes out the yearning that happens when I seek happiness in getting things.

The best happiness is conjured happiness. I know that now. And thank goodness that I do because it makes getting things easy.

How To Find Your Perfect Partner

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You can have anything you want. Just realize how things happen in life, then follow that process.

A lot of people look for love in relationship. For many, that is illusive. But relationships, like everything else, are easy to get. So is love.

 

Everything Is Yours

You can have love you want with no effort on your part. Hard work is overrated. Especially in relationships. Digging through online profiles, going to bars and trying to find Mr. or Ms. “right” by swiping left, right or whatever are unnecessary steps.

By relaxing, having fun and enjoying life, you don’t have to do those things. Everything you want comes easily.

A friend of Perry’s wife demonstrated this over the last two years.  That she had no idea it was happening shows how easy it happens.

Following explains how the process works. After that, we’ll tell Susan’s story, which shows how the process worked for her. Along the way, we’ll clarify points you should know so you too can produce similar results.

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Artwork by the author

Getting everything you want is easy. Here’s how:

  1. Come to accept what you have. No matter how bad you think it may be, you have to find a way to accept it. More than that, you have to embrace it and appreciate it. It may not feel this way, but your current situation is working out in your best interest. That attitude makes you positively focused. Stay negatively focused – complaining, talking about or getting angry about what you have – and you get more of what you have.
  2. Pay attention to thoughts you receive that you aren’t thinking. Often, you receive thoughts you didn’t think. They feel like intrusions in your ordinary awareness. These are messages sent by your Larger Self. They come as suggestions, ideas, gut feelings.
  3. Follow the suggestion, ideas, gut feelings. Intrusive thoughts are inspirations. You’re supposed to follow them. It’s ok if you don’t, but if you do, life becomes far more interesting, spontaneous, fun and easy.
  4. Practice being happy as often as you can. By doing so you tell your reality that you want more happy experiences. Inspiration comes easier too.
  5. Even if you don’t do these five steps, you’ll end up using the process because it’s built-in to living. It literally is “life”.

Like we said, Susan is not aware of this process (Step five) yet it still worked for her. That means it can work for you. More so if used deliberately. So now, let’s overlay these steps on Susan’s experiences so you can see how they work in practice instead of just theory.

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Artwork by the author

It began with a crappy marriage

Susan had been married many years. That marriage was crappy by Susan’s admission. Her divorce was even worse. Contentious and frustrating, it ended with her “wasband” getting the better deal. That’s because she was the “breadwinner”.

Every negative experience serves the experiencer. So, every negative experience in the end is positive. Susan’s crappy marriage helped her figure out what she wanted.

For one, she realized she didn’t want to be in a relationship where she lived in the same house with someone else. In other words, she enjoyed living alone, having her own space, not having someone always around, but also being in relationship.

That’s good to know when looking for a partner.

All through the divorce, Susan criticized her “wasband”. She complained about the divorce process, her lawyers, his lawyers. The more she complained, the more she had to complain about. Her ex fought her more and more.

He started doing vindictive things. Like slashing her tires and manipulating ways to keep her from their dogs. Perfect examples of Step One.

From time to time Perry’s wife told Susan about this process. Like many people though, Susan preferred experiential learning. She doesn’t like being told what to do.

Neither does Perry’s wife. 🙄

Soon Susan stopped complaining as much. She got tired of it. By the time her divorce was finished, she accepted the process. Step One: check.

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Artwork by the author

Inspiration Creates Evidence of “Better”

What Susan didn’t know was, her experiences with “wasband” helped her know things she wouldn’t have known had she not gone through them.

She knew she didn’t want another marriage. She knew she wanted her autonomy. And she knew what kind of relationship she wanted: one without the intertwined aspects of traditional relationships.

It was no surprise then what happened next.

A friend she knew when married turned into a boyfriend. Let’s call him Jake. Jake wasn’t a long-term perfect fit. But he was perfect for now. Meaning: he offered sexual intimacy, occasional company, friendship. Someone to hang out with, without commitment. Jake was also a known-entity. They knew each other for years. So it was easy to turn that friendship into more.

Jake was and is polyamorous. He was seeing other women. He didn’t tell Susan this until six months into their two-year relationship. Jake subscribes to a “don’t ask, don’t tell” relationship policy.

“If you don’t ask, I’m not going to tell you,” he says. Which is fine, if the other person knows this.

Susan didn’t know this. By the time she found out, she wasn’t happy about it.

She told Perry’s wife she really didn’t want to be in an open relationship. She didn’t like feeling “second fiddle” to who-knows-how-many other women who might be in Jake’s life.

But by the time she found out, it was too late. She had feelings for Jake.

There was more to Jake than Susan realized. Jake is fiercely independent, wicked smart, adventurous and a talented agitator/activist. He likes being his own person.

“I never ask people for anything,” he recently told Perry over tea. “Even if I have to go to a hospital. I’ll find a way to make it myself.”

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That independence spills into his relationships. Jake thrives in relationships he controls. No wonder he prefers polyamory. Multiple opportunities foster independence.

Jake’s independence tinted his relationship with Susan too. He decides when she could come over. He decides when he comes to her house. If he has a date with someone else, he is not available. In many respects, Susan’s access to Jake was at Jake’s discretion.

That worked great for Susan for a while. In time, though, she resented this. She felt the relationship was going one way: Jake’s way.

In Susan’s words recently: “I thought I’d like this non-monogamy thing a bit better if I were to participate in it fully.”

So she decided to do something. A “good for the goose” thing.

What she before resisted, she now was warming up to. So much so she too sought extra partners.

One day she got an idea: a profile on OKCupid. Step two: check!

“In retrospect, I did it shortly after discovering that [Jake] had another lover…” Susan said.

Meanwhile, Susan fell in love with Jake. Jake was in love too. What Susan at first tolerated now she enjoyed. Even given the imbalance. Step One again.

She enjoyed her freedom, her autonomy. She now liked Jake having options. And she looked forward to having her own options. Men she could see occasionally and casually too.

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Your reality is literally a piece of art. What are you creating? (artwork by the author)

Your Reality Is Under Your Control

You get what you’re ready for. The problem is, you’re never ready for something different than what you have, until you accept what you have. If you’re not happy with what you have, you can’t get what you want because you’re not ready for what you want. You’re complaining about what you have.

People think they know what happiness is. Happiness is not something that comes after getting what you want. Well, it does happen that way.

But it’s meant to be something you feel no matter what you’re experiencing. That’s because everything you experience serves your fulfillment. Yes, even what looks like negative experiences.

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Suffering is necessary until it’s not. So it is not a “fact” of life. (Pinterest)

When you figure that out, your life is your conscious design. This unconditional happiness is your painter’s palette. Because when you’re happy, no matter what you have, you are ready for having what matches how you feel, AKA your life’s masterpiece.

Making Room For Even More “Better”

As Susan found herself mostly happy in her open relationship, she made room in her life for more of what she wanted. That created what happened next.

For a while nothing significant happened on OKC. She says she met three guys. She enjoyed meeting them. Otherwise, She said, the process was “drudgery”.

This is why we don’t support using dating websites. They can work. But they frequently don’t. In the meantime, they conjure too much negativity (frustration, impatience i.e. resistance to what is). That stretches out the time it takes to get what you want. It’s far better to be happy, enjoy your life and follow your intuition. Meeting your match that way is a happy, natural, surprising and enjoyable process.

Online dating for most people isn’t happy, natural or enjoyable.

Like many people though, Susan learned to accept the drudgery. Again, Step One.

That’s when one profile “stood out,” she said. “OKC estimated 99% compatibility, and I liked his photos and what he’d written.”

She was referring to this guy Susan brought to a small friends gathering. Let’s call him Carl.

They had almost everything in common. They finished each others’ sentences…laughed at the same things…it was like they had been together for years.

Carl wanted a monogamous relationship from the get-go. He said so in his profile. Susan’s profile didn’t say that. But Carl liked what Susan offered so much, he compromised.

This happens a lot. Insecure people compromise their ideas because they think they need to to get what they want.

That’s never the case. But impatience is a powerful thing. As is insecurity. When people can’t be patient they compromise. In compromising, the path leading to what they really want lengthens.

It’s not a problem because every experience is helpful. You’re also eternal, so you have plenty of lifetimes to get what you want. But if you exercise patience and follow the process above, what you want comes faster.

Time for a mental health break:

Susan Finds Freedom In Openness

Welcome back.

Carl fell in love with Susan instantly, he says. And why not? She’s lovable!

Interestingly, Carl’s relationship behaviors contrasted Jake’s. Some would say this was coincidence. But it wasn’t. It resulted from everything Susan experienced up to then.

Carl wanted collaboration in relationship. While he didn’t like so much sharing Susan with others, he didn’t resist it. Not at first. Meanwhile, Jake got more controlling when he found out Susan had another lover. His insecurities, dormant while he controlled the relationship, now surfaced. This was a good thing. His insecurities invited everyone involved to become better versions of themselves. Carl included!

For example, both men had toothbrushes in Susan’s bathroom. Jake’s was in the toothbrush holder. Carl’s in the drawer. Carl imagined (rightly) Susan was hiding from Jake the fact that Carl sometimes spent the night. That chafed Carl.

Carl’s feelings were petty. So were Susan’s intentions. Susan was trying to protect Jake. To keep from triggering Jake’s insecurities. That strategy backfired. It only made both men more insecure and her frustrated.

She found both men’s insecurities unattractive. But she also enjoyed it. Through something she initially didn’t like at first (an open relationship), Susan found empowerment and freedom and choice and options.

In other words: Everything her marriage didn’t offer.

 

Insecurity Boils Over

One night Carl put his foot down.

He said he wanted monogamy with Susan. That surprised her. She had been clear from day one that’s not what she wanted. One day, Perry’s wife reminded Susan that two years ago a monogamous relationship was exactly what she wanted.

But Susan grew happy with her current situation (being in an open relationship). That’s step one. She missed step two, but the process still worked because she followed her inspiration posting an OKCupid profile (Step three).

And now she faced a new reality. One she wanted two years ago. Carl represented a great match: intellectually, physically and more. They really liked each other too.

Susan didn’t remember wanting monogamy two years ago. And yet, here she was, getting everything she wanted. Freedom. Choice. Two good men who both loved her, that she both loved. And an opportunity for monogamy.

Susan Got Everything, And Then Some. So Can You.

Intrigued with Carl’s request, she told Jake. Jake got even more insecure. Angry in fact that Susan was considering a monogamous relationship with someone else. Of course, he didn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship. He wanted what he had: his cake (Susan) and the opportunity to eat other cake.

But let’s look at what Susan created. In two years her life matched every desire she wanted.

  • She put her marriage behind her
  • She found a relationship that worked immediately after the divorce
  • That relationship brought interesting experiences, growth, adventure
  • She followed her inspiration
  • That lead to meeting Carl, a perfect match
  • Now she has not only an open relationship, but an opportunity for a closed one too!

In other words, Susan is getting everything she wants. And then some. Even though she didn’t realize what was happening.

Like we say, the process works for everyone. Even those unaware of it.

· · ·

Today, Susan is negotiating the best of both worlds. She loves both Carl and Jake. Both represent different desires she’s had over two years. Both men love her. Both offer different things. In other words, Susan is enjoying her love life as it brings her plenty of pleasure, adventure, love and more.

You can have your version of the same thing: plentiful experiences where what you want comes easily. It all starts with realizing you have a larger you from which to live your life. Then finding ways that connect you to that.

Life doesn’t have to be hard or a struggle. Love doesn’t either. And neither is, when you follow life’s really simple process.

When will you start?

How To Read Successful People’s Success Stories

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Photo: Clark Tibbs On Unsplash

There are so many people out there offering success recipes.

Facebook, YouTube and other social media advertisement services opened the flood gates. Now, anyone with a success story and some digital tools can hawk their “proven” success tips.

Then there are the “Uber Successsful.”

Millions follow Uber Successfuls, with stardom in their eyes. They want wealth, happiness, the good life. Celebrity.

Anthony Robbins, Gary Vaynerchuk, Arnold Schwarzenegger and many others, offer how their hard work, persistence and vision made them successful.

You can do what they did, they say…

But…

Successfuls, both minor and major camouflage how easy success really is. They don’t do it on purpose. So if you want success, listen to these people. But first, learn how to read their stories.

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Photo: Annie Spratt On Unsplash

Successfuls don’t understand the “how” of their success. That’s why their recipes emphasize what’s irrelevant and downplay success’ ingredients.

Learn to read the typical success story though, and you unlock real doors to success. Like successful people promise.

· · ·

Take Arnold Schwarzenegger. Everyone knows his success. Watch this video, seen many millions of times across the internet. In it, Arnold distills his success to five essential rules.

Fortunately, none of the rules he offers made him successful. Want Arnold’s success? Let’s distill what really happened.

Generally, successful people like Arnold suggest specific action. Action you must take to get results. Actions they say will make you successful. While focusing on action, they gloss over the secrets. Secrets all successful people use (and we do mean all).

The reason they don’t speak plain about them? Most aren’t aware what they are. They call them “lucky breaks”, or “chance” or “fortunate events”.

A few come close, but miss, attributing success to “God”.

The rest ascribe 80-90 percent of their success to their hard work, their actions, what they knew or who they knew. They assign 20 percent, or less, to “luck”.

Here’s what’s remarkable about that: it’s the opposite.

Ninety percent or more of their success was “luck”. Effort represents a minuscule percentage.

That means, your success depends on “luck” too.

· · ·

Here’s the good news: It’s not luck.

Success happens via direct, deliberate easy-to-use processes. Processes you control. Processes Successfuls use. That means, any outcome you want is possible.

You don’t need luck. You only need to know the processes. Then you can manufacture “luck” at will.

More good news: It’s impossible not to be successful. That’s because you already know how the processes work. You’ve only temporarily forgotten.

(photo of person thinking)

You listened to the video. Notice Arnold ascribing all his success to his five rules? Notice his casual references about where luck mattered?

Probably not. But we did. Let’s recap.

How Arnold’s Success (And Every Other Success) Really Happens

At 00:25, Arnold introduces his success “rules”. These rules, he says, work for anyone. “Rules” imply things you must do. They also imply things you must not do (don’t break the rules).

Don’t follow the rules, Arnold says.  You won’t be successful. Or happy!

But life doesn’t work that way. You are eternal. It’s not possible to “not be successful”.

Eternity has no finish line. You always get do overs. There’s a second chance, a third, a fourth, fifth, sixth…etc., on through eternity.

do over blog
Every next moment is a change to start anew.  (Meme: By the author)

 

But when you think “oh boy, there are RULES I’m going to have to follow?” that lengthens your success path.

There are no rules you must follow.

At around 00:38, Arnold describes Rule #1: “Find” your vision and follow it.

Have no vision or goal, he says, and you’ll drift around and not be happy.

Arnold says, if you don’t “find” your vision, you’re lost. But he doesn’t explain “how” to find your vision. Maybe he didn’t have time to explain. Perhaps he doesn’t know how.

Visions or goals aren’t something you “find”. You can’t help but have them! Life experiences evoke from within you unending desires. THOSE ARE YOUR VISIONS. Arnold describes this, but not in his rules. Instead he buries it in his life story.

Though Life Experience Visions Are Automatic

After Germany and Austria’s defeat in World War II, Arnold wanted escape. He wanted out of war-torn Europe. That was his first vision! His first goal. Did he have to “find” it?

No!

His life experience drew it from him.

That’s how your life works. From your experiences you birth visions and dreams. Visions sometime feel like dislikes. Arnold disliked Austria. He wanted to escape. That was his vision. He didn’t need to find it!

Arnold’s rule number one is wrong. There’s no “finding” your vision. They come automatically.

Yet, less than a minute into his speech, Arnold reveals secret number one. At 00:54 after knowing he wanted to escape, he “luckily” watched a documentary about America.

Arnold Revealing Secrets 1 blog
Arnold Giving up the secrets. You always know Successfuls share  real secrets when they use keywords such as “luck” or “fortunate”. (Photo credit: YouTube/Goalcast)

Was this luck?

If it was, then you’re screwed.

Because luck only happens to the lucky!

Good news: it wasn’t luck! This is how life works for everyone.

Arnold had life experience. Life experience clarified his vision. Get out of Austria. But he didn’t know how or “to where”. His Broader Perspective did though. His Broader Perspective arranged his life to include the documentary. It was not “luck”. The film showed up on purpose.

It’s likely Arnold doesn’t know he has a Broader Perspective. So instead of giving credit where it’s due, he called it “luck”.

When successful people tell success stories, keep listening for keywords like “luck”. When they use such words, they’re giving up secrets. Their secrets are not actions, advice or rules you must follow.

Only one thing makes you successful: lining up with you Broader Perspective. It is arranging your success all the time. Your Broader Perspective always speaks to you. Most of the time, you’re not listening…Successful people find a way to listen.

Successful people would have no stories to tell without Broader Perspective’s involvement.

· · ·

Ask any successful person you know if they could predict when, where and from whom these “lucky breaks” would happen. Every person will say “no”. Human awareness is too small to know.  It’s too small to arrange billions of events, and resources becoming your life. Including people who’s ideas will benefit you. Ideas those people haven’t even had yet!

Trippy, right?

All this is beyond normal human perception. Right up until such events become reality. But it’s child’s play for your Broader Perspective.

After seeing the documentary, Arnold “knew that is exactly where I wanted to end up” he says. Young Arnold got excited. “Excited” is an emotion. Emotions tell you you’re on your way to success. That’s their purpose.

Arnold was on his success path. He felt positive, excited. All he had to do now was keep following his vision as it evolved. Broader Perspective would do the heavy lifting (pun intended). It would create one event after another.

When strung together, Arnold would find himself successful.

It’s that easy. It’s so easy, you can do it.

So did Arnold have to “find” the vision of “ending up in America”? Nope. Then why do you?

Next, he asked “how will I get there?” The answer already existed. His Broader Perspective already held the experience “ending up in America”. It already had shaped many paths leading to America. Paths including people who could help Arnold get there.

It didn’t matter Arnold didn’t know how he would get there. Just by asking the question, he matched his Broader Perspective’s “knowing”.

What happened next reveals another secret having nothing to do with Arnold’s effort.

At 1:09, Arnold says: “…One day I was fortunate enough to see a bodybuilding magazine…” In the magazine, he says, he read an article about Reg Park, a former Mr. Universe.

Another keyword blog
Arnold’s second clue. The keyword “fortunate” always points to knowledge, the speaker is unware they have. (Photo: YouTube/Goalcast)

“Fortunate” is another keyword. When Successfuls uses this word, perk up. Here’s what they’re saying. “I don’t know how the heck this happened, but it made me successful, so pay attention, I’m telling you the secret”.

Arnold couldn’t get himself out of Austria on his own. He had no idea “how”. He had no money. No one did. He had no idea “where” he’d go.

But his Broader Perspective had answers to how and who and where. The documentary, then Reg Park were answers Arnold wanted.

Arnold got inspired. He felt excitement. In his excitement, he primed the next major event. The more positively focused you are, the quicker things happen.

At 01:22 Arnold says “I read the article as fast as I could”. Park’s success boosted Arnold’s enthusiasm. You could say Park and Arnold share the same nonphysical origins. Park’s experience pointed the way for Arnold’s ambitions. Through Park’s example, Arnold realized his own path.

Life works like this for everyone. It is not luck. It is not fortune. It is not random. You have life experience. It spurs desire. Broader Perspective makes it real at once.

You don’t experience that realness as immediate as your Broader Perspective. Why?

Because desires become real slower in physical reality than in nonphysical. In nonphysical, things become things immediately.

It’s a good thing it’s different here. Too much crazy stuff would happen otherwise. But that’s another story.

Just know that your success happens exactly as Arnold’s. Not successful yet? You will be, after you learn how do to what Arnold did. Not what he says he did. What he actually did.

In other words, no rules.

Arnold describes Park “all of a sudden” landing “in Rome. He’s doing Hercules movies” after training and winning Mr. Universe.

But Park’s success (and Arnold’s) didn’t happen “all of a sudden”. It happened over time. “All of a sudden” is a keyword phrase. During that time, did Park or Arnold work hard? Struggle? Sacrifice? We don’t know about Park.

But that’s how Arnold describes it. If you watch Arnold’s training footage, however, you would see he wasn’t working hard.

It didnt matter blog
Note the yellow box. Arnold acknowledges his “hard work” and “struggle” “didn’t matter”. (Photo: YouTube/Goalcast)

More likely, he was enjoying it. That’s how he explains it. But you must listen carefully.

At 2:04 he says hard work wasn’t part of the equation. Nor struggle. “It didn’t matter” he said. Why? Because he found his passion. Meaning: he knew he was on his path.

· · ·

Let’s summarize so far. Here are the first steps to everyone’s success:

  1. Your desires, automatically surface through life experience. These are your visions/goals.
  2. Now you know what you want. That moment, your Broader Perspective becomes that. It then sends you clues via intuition, events and circumstances spurring your desire. It’s never full blown desire fulfillment. It’s bread crumbs on a path.

Watch Arnold’s speech again. See if you can ignore Arnold’s rules. Instead, tune in to keywords in his story. Keywords indicating how Arnold (and every successful person) unknowingly reveals real secrets. Secrets so secret, even Successfuls don’t know them. Even though they share them.

Arnold’s “rules” had nothing to do with his success.

Speed Builds As Success Gets Bigger

Later in his speech, Arnold’s early successes inspire even bigger desires. He’s had some success. He’s feeling confident. So he shoots for bigger dreams.

At 2:30 he talks about being another John Wayne. But he wouldn’t be able to have had that grand vision had he not started with his smaller one: leaving war-torn Austria.

That dream got fulfilled when he first saw the documentary, then read the magazine. By then, he knew how (follow Park’s example) and where (go to America).

So Arnold didn’t follow Rule #2: Never ever think small. He thinks he followed it, but his first thought wasn’t huge. It wasn’t “become the next John Wayne.” It was “get out of Austria.”

Not “become the next Mr. Universe”.

Not “Become a movie star”.

Just: get out of Austria. Where? “I don’t know!” How? “I don’t know, I just want to escape!”

When you have a small goal, it’s just as big as a big goal, because small goals lead to bigger ones. You don’t have to start with a big one. Start where you are.

Arnold didn’t have a big goal to start. He started where he was.

You don’t have to have big dreams.

Next we come to Arnold’s Rule #3: ignore the naysayers.

Arnold didn’t follow this rule either. He did listen. Why do you think he took english classes, accent removal classes, diction classes…

Meanwhile Arnold’s Broader Perspective delivers what Arnold calls “a little break”.

But it actually was a massive real-ization: a part in a TV show.

That part lead to Pumping Iron, which made Arnold niche famous.

Then Stay Hungry came.

By this time, Arnold’s dreams blossomed more and more. The more real they got, the happier and more confident Arnold got. Arnold’s attention turned to bigger and more exciting dreams and desires. How? His dreaming capacity increased with each previously fulfilled goal.

Again, that’s how life works.

Conan The Barbarian: The Big Break

Then came Conan The Barbarian. Let’s talk about Conan the Barbarian, something Arnold calls “the big break”.

Conan the barbarian poster blog
The Epic Conan Poster.

 

Arnold says it came “finally”. As though he had been waiting a long time.

But he’s not recognizing every fulfilled desire preceding this famous movie. Each fulfilled desire made the next possible. Fulfilled dreams come in succession. Not in a Big Bang.

Conan was impossible before Stay Hungry. Stay Hungry: impossible before Pumping Iron. Pumping Iron: impossible before that TV role. All Arnold’s acting, impossible before his preparation. His preparation, impossible before winning Mr. Universe. Winning Mr. Universe, impossible were it not for Reg Park and the magazine article. The magazine article, impossible before the documentary. The documentary, impossible before wanting to escape. Wanting to escape, impossible before the aftermath of WWII.

A long series of manifestations, one leading to the other, made Conan The Barbarian possible. Including events having nothing to do with Arnold.

That’s important!

First, there had to be a Conan The Barbarian concept. Original Conan stories were first published in 1932. That’s fifteen years before Arnold was even born (1947)!

The Conan stories then had to become comic books. They started out as fantasy stories. Not comic books.

Frank Frazetta, a famous fantasy artist, was born in 1928. Well before Arnold could have known about Reg Park. Frazetta’s art became famous. According to Wikipedia, “His interpretation of Conan visually redefined the genre of sword and sorcery, and had an enormous influence on succeeding generations of artists.”

In other words, Frazetta’s art boosted Conan’s mystique.

Somewhere along the line, the Conan fantasy inspired a future movie director. All these events happened well before Arnold started acting!

See?

Many events, inspirations, sparks of imaginations. Imaginations happening well before Arnold was born!

Then, came Arnold’s tiny dream: Get heck out of Austria.

Conan was monumental. Note how Arnold describes it. We’re pasting his verbatim commentary so you can read it without the video. It’s thrilling:

“…You know what was so interesting about it was the director said that at the press conference, if we wouldn’t have had Schwarzenegger with those muscles, we would have had to build one.”

Then, about Terminator:

“James Cameron said, the “I’ll be back” line became the most famous movie lines in history because of Arnold’s crazy accent because he sounded like a machine!”

Here’s what we wrote before about these kinds of events. Events organized by your Broader Perspective:

“When your Broader Perspective organizes events in your life, it works with other people’s Broader Perspectives. Your Broader Perspective has your best interests in mind. Other people’s Broader Perspectives have your interests in mind too. And vice versa. So when a person shows up in your life, they agreed, through their Broader Perspective, to be there. In being there, they get what they are wanting. Even as you get what you want. Everyone in any situation gets the same thing: what they want.  There are no exceptions to this.”

That director’s Broader Perspective, and James Cameron’s Broader Perspective, Frank Frazetta’s Broader Perspective, Reg Park’s Broader Perspective….were and are working with Arnold’s Broader Perspective. Such coordination got/is getting everyone what they wanted/want.

Did you get a little shiver down your spine, or goose bumps across your body?

That’s your Broader Perspective agreeing with us. Because what we’re sharing with you is 100 percent accurate. You have control over this process. Let’s review the steps adding steps three and four:

  1. Your desires surface through life experience. These are your visions/goals. It’s automatic.
  2. Now you know what you want. That moment, your Broader Perspective becomes that. It then sends you clues via intuition, events and circumstances spurring more desire. It’s never full blown desire fulfillment. It’s bread crumbs on a path.
  3. You must now merge with your Broader Perspective. You’ll then hear clues and perceive event chains. These event chains are desires fulfilled over time. How do you know you’re merged? You are positively focused. You are happy, appreciative, joyful, excited, inspired. All these tell you you’re merged.
  4. Watch what happens. Celebrate when desires get fulfilled, then move back to step one.

These basic steps make all Successfuls successful. Your success equals anyone on any stage telling you about their success. Working hard isn’t required.

You only need to do what they did. Not what they say they did.

Your success may not look like Arnold’s, or any other’s success. Your life is unique. You’re not here succeed like others. You’re here to succeed in your way.

Successful people don’t share secrets of their success directly. That’s because they don’t know the secrets. Instead they talk about what they did. They encourage you to do what they did. They don’t tell you it’s not about doing. Success is about being. Being merged with your Broader Perspective.

That’s the secret.

Now you know. Now you can listen to their experiences, tune out the irrelevant 10 percent. Then tune in the 90 percent that made them successful.

Pain endurance: unnecessary.

Everything Arnold did, he did because he wanted to. He enjoyed it. Here’s why he says otherwise. Like many successful people, he doesn’t understand how he got success. Instead he justifies his success. How? By saying he found his vision, worked his ass off, didn’t listen to anyone and endured pain. Performing altruism is a nice touch. But as you know, many successful people become altruistic after succeeding.

None of those things made him successful.

What made him successful were “lucky” breaks, big and small. Those and “fortunate” events impossible to arrange on his own.

Those events his Broader Perspective arranged. Yours can too.

We invite you to listen again to Arnold’s story. Or any successful person’s story. See if you can tune out the rules. Tune out what they said they did, and listen to the 90 percent their Broader Perspective did for them.

Arnold’s story is inspiring. But ignore his advice. Learn to read his story correctly. Hear the “hidden message” to turn inward. Listen to your own Broader Perspective. Merge with it. Then chart your own delightful path.

How? By staying positively focused.

Need more help? That’s why we’re here.

How To Have An Open Marriage Even If Your Spouse Doesn’t Want One

Julian Howard Have What You Want FB Blog
Photo: Julian Howard

Trusting your intuition promises an extraordinary life.

That’s because your intuition knows how to lead you effortlessly to everything you’re wanting. When your intuition delivers what you’re wanting, everyone else gets what they’re wanting too.

In this post, we’re going to describe how to develop trust in your intuition, so you too can get everything you want. And be extraordinarily happy in the process. We’ll do that by telling the true story of how Perry got an open relationship in his marriage. Even though his wife didn’t want one. At first.

Perry got this (and a happy marriage) by trusting his intuition. Not by sneaking around, or trying to have a direct conversation with his wife about what he wanted.

Everything you’re wanting, everyone else wants too. Because when you get what you want, so does everyone else. That is, if you let your intuition give it to you, instead of trying to do it yourself.

 

Trust: It’s Built On Proof Of Trustworthiness

Someone we respected at the time had smart words about whether a person is worthy of your trust.

“Trust is consistent performance over time,” they said.  Meaning, a person’s behavior over time demonstrates their trustworthiness. Not their say-so or their promises.

Same is true with your intuition. If you let it, your intuition will prove its trustworthiness over time. As your trust increases, your intuition’s demonstrations grow more dependable and noteworthy.

Before long, you’re living an extraordinary life.

Trust Blog
Having trust is crucial. Trust comes from proof your intuition is trustworthy.

Having trust is crucial. Whether you trust it or not, your intuition is accurate 100 percent of the time. That means whatever you’re wanting, your intuition knows how you can have it. And it can lead you to it.

Making your dreams happen without your intuition’s help is hard. And no fun. It takes longer and you sacrifice more. When making dreams happen you miss out on wonderful synchronicities. Synchronicities allowing you to get what you want while allowing others what they want.

That’s the delightful path. The other path makes you bitter, frustrated and defensive about any success you’ve eeked out.

Learning to trust is a never-ending, always evolving and a “getting better all the time” process. The more you trust your intuition, the more consistent evidence you receive. Before long, results you produce are obvious and consistent. It becomes difficult to remember a time when you didn’t trust it.

When you are wishy-washy about how your intuition works, you get wishy-washy results. Let’s say you think or believe intuition is at best random and or at worst some kind of force acting against you. In that case, you’re going to get results consistent with those beliefs.

Science and other well-meaning perspectives at best caution following intuiton. Harvard Business Review, for example, puts it plain: Don’t Trust Your Gut. “Intuition is a fickle and undependable guide—it is as likely to lead to disaster as to success.” the article cautions. On the other hand, the World Economic Forum (WEF) suggests it’s more complicated than that. WEF says intuition can be trusted, but works better when balanced with understanding how it works.

The problem is, both organizations, and science in general, say intuition is a brain mechanism. In defining it that way, they have missed the mark. Intuition comes from beyond the brain. By calming brain activity, through meditation for example, one discovers a deeper source of knowledge and awareness, one that can be trusted: One’s broader perspective.

Broader perspective is intuition. It is reliable, but you have to learn how to hear it. And, it functions in a particular way. Through it you create reality. If you believe your intuition is a random voice in your head, it will give you guidance consistent with that.

Intuition fulfills what you believe.

Rohan Makhecha - Intuition fulfills what you believe
(Photo: Rohan Makhecha)

So how do you develop trust in your intuition? Become sensitive enough to tell the difference between it and not it. Then follow its guidance. Generally, you become sensitive by testing.

But here’s the thing: you can’t test and be invested in the outcome. Especially if your investment is contrary to what you’re wanting.

· · ·

Let’s say you want a million dollars, but you don’t believe you can get a million dollars. Your intuition is going to lead you to what you believe: not getting the money.

So start with things you don’t have an investment in. Start with something simple. Something you believe you can have. A choice parking spot or meeting a friend “coincidentally” for example. These are light, fun outcomes to start with.

Unless you think those things are “just coincidence”. If that’s you, you have to start with a different test. Something not tainted by your I-already-know-this awareness.

nick-karvounis-your intuition delivers
Your intuition delivers. Every time. But it only delivers what you believe. (Photo: Nick Karvounis)

No matter what you use to test your intuition, early on, some outcomes will always be “false”. But even “false” outcomes are teaching moments. So they’re actually “true”. It’s important you understand this.

For example, you might treat the process too seriously. Making it a serious process creates too much resistance. Your intuition is sending you spot-on guidance. But you can’t receive it because, in your seriousness, you’re blocking the receiving. How that works is explainable but would make this already long piece longer. Just know one reason for a “false” outcome could be you’re being too serious about the results.

Being too serious leads to confusing results. Especially if you aren’t aware of what’s happening. You’ll get results. But they will be “false”.  So you’ll think the process isn’t working. But these results show the process working. They’re trying tell you: you’re doing something that’s blocking getting what you want.

“False” results also allow you to see old beliefs that are contrary to what you want.  “Intuition is BS” or “Is this coincidence?”, or “I can’t do this” are examples of such beliefs. Recognizing these thoughts and beliefs are part of the trust-development path. How can you do something about them, if you’re unaware of them?

Here’s a process for replacing old beliefs with new ones.

So every result you get is “positive”. It leads you to the result you’re wanting, or, it’s highlights something preventing results you want. Can you see how “false” results would then be “true” even though they are “false”?

Recapping: trusting intuition requires knowing what you want. It requires knowing what you want is possible and being light about its arrival. Knowing “false” results are actually, not “false” is also crucial.

 

Letting Intuition Do The Work

Perry’s life stories show how he gets what he wants by following his intuition. We’ve recently shared stories of his wife doing the same.

We’ll continue sharing these stories because we know real life stories are better than theory. But your real life experience is an even better teacher. It’s easy to dismiss Perry’s experiences as coincidence. Or as a cool thing that happened to him. It’s another thing when it happens to you.

The Roaming Platypus Perspective
Photo: The Roaming Platypus

Even so, here’s how Perry’s trust in his intuition got him what he wanted. With little effort on his part.

This isn’t a process to get what you’re wanting at the expense of another person. No one on the planet is being “used” by another. It doesn’t work that way.

How it does work is, while you get what you’re wanting, others get what they’re wanting too. The world (and the All That Is) is large enough to give everyone what they’re wanting at the same time. Even if what you’re wanting is something another doesn’t.

Perry and Bridget have been together for five years now. Perry didn’t marry Bridget for the reasons most people do. He knew his path lies in being free to explore all relationships which come his way. We know, this doesn’t sit well for many people in today’s society. Especially in the US. Old erroneous beliefs about human life still shape many cultures. Questions of “ethics” “morality” and “propriety” dictate people’s perspective.

Perry knows one relationship can’t meet everything a person is wanting. Society’s encouragement of “death do us part” isn’t about a wholesome vow of love and commitment. It’s about insecure people trying to control other people’s behavior. So they feel less insecure. But that’s another story.

So we understand if you disagree with the “open marriage” part of this story. Think about it as “something someone wants, but is afraid to get it. If they did, someone dear to them would be angry if they got it”, ok?

giphy

Perry married his wife because he knew it was the best thing for his wife at the time. He knew giving that to his wife required putting some things on hold. He also knew exploring relationship alongside Bridget would bring “more” to him. Bridget would benefit too.

But when they tied the knot, they agreed their vows would not be “until death do us part”. Instead, their vows ended with “for now”. Meaning “let’s see how this goes day by day, with no real long-term commitment about anything.”

At first, Bridget wasn’t too excited about that.

Throughout these five years, many people have come into Perry’s life experience. Not all those potential relationships had to do with sex or intimacy. Many did though.

Perry didn’t act on these opportunities. He was too focused on his relationship, his projects and spiritual growth.

Bridget too was learning a lot too. She had a lot of disempowering beliefs. Beliefs that were operating under her conscious awareness. They were shaping her behavior and dictating her life experiences. Many of these beliefs did not make Bridget an ideal partner. A lot of them she inherited from her relatives and past relationships.

These realizations weren’t always eye-opening, positive and wonderful experiences. Many surfaced in ugly, angry fights. Fights over small things. Which became big things when these little things triggered her old beliefs.

Created with GIMP
Photo: Jason Wong

One day a new guy friend asked Perry about his marriage. He couldn’t understand how Perry could be transamorous and yet married to a woman who isn’t transgender. A lot of people don’t understand this.

Perry described his marriage, including the “for now” clause. He also shared his desire for an “open” kind of relationship. For now, he said, he was working with Bridget in a mutually beneficial relationship. One where Bridget’s desire for monogamy, born out of her personal insecurities, took priority.

His friend said “you should introduce Bridget to someone she might want to be with. That would allow her to open up to you doing the same.”

It was logical advice. But it felt like manipulation to Perry. And he was right. It’s what anyone who doesn’t trust their intuition would do: try to control circumstances to get what they want. Including living a double-life behind their partner’s back.

Perry is not like that. Instead, he let his intuition do the work. Not was it better than being sneaky or conniving, it was more fun. What happened over the next two years proved that.

· · ·

For reasons too many to go into, Bridget has been an insecure person most of her life. She learned to manage that insecurity by controlling other people and circumstances. Control to an extreme degree. Knowing this, Perry couldn’t have a rational, productive conversation about an open marriage. He brought it up a couple of times. But even in counseling it sparked a firestorm.

So, instead of talking about it, Perry acted as if he already had one.

Now hold up. It’s not what you think.

He thought about what it would be like having an open relationship. He even explained to others that he was in one. But he never behaved in a way contrary to his commitment to his wife.

He would, for example, tell people how free it was to be in an open relationship. He would add, that neither he nor Bridget actually acted on the freedom. They didn’t need to, he said. Just knowing that was available freed both of them from the pressure of monogamy. In being free, he said, they didn’t have to act.

Being free was the key.

In other words, Perry thought and related to others as if he already had what he wanted. He didn’t act on it. Even when he had opportunity to. Why? He was too busy with his life, his projects, his spiritual path. So there was no inconsistency between his behavior and his marriage in terms of intimate behavior. Just in his words and thoughts (beliefs).

That’s when interesting things started happening.

 

Providence aka Intuition, All That Is and the Universe Step In

Bridget already had at least one friend who was in a polyamorous relationship. But more people started showing up in her life in them too. Her new friend Claire was in a relationship with a guy who was unwilling to be monogamous. Claire struggled with the idea. And with insecurities she felt around her partner being with other women. She talked a lot about it with Bridget. In time, Claire started seeing other guys, as she became more comfortable with it. She actually started enjoying it!

Of course, all this she shared with Bridget as girlfriends are wont to do.

Then Bridget’s best friend started talking about being in an open relationship. We’ll call her Nancy.

Perry and Nancy had a private conversation about all this one day. Nancy knew Perry was producing remarkable results in his life. Including changes in his relationship with Bridget. Changes that were causing Bridget to change too, which Nancy noticed and appreciated.

So she wanted some advice.

Nancy is married. Like a lot of marriages, Nancy’s marriage is touch and go. Sometimes when one of the two wants to touch, the other wants to go! Neither Nancy or her husband thought they were getting what they wanted. Like Bridget, both were insecure. Their marriage reflected all that insecurity. It was not satisfying for either party.

After talking with Perry, Nancy began her own positively focused lifestyle. This changed her. With the changes, her husband became more insecure. Long story short, Nancy and her husband eventually opened their marriage. Turned out her husband already was seeing someone else.

Today, they’re still sorting out the details. Both are dating other people. Nancy dates a few men, finding great satisfaction and empowerment in that.

Witnessing her friends’ experiences effected Bridget’s insecurities and fears. As friends shared their enjoyment, her fears and insecurities started going away.

Meanwhile, Perry reconnected with an old flame, who is transgender. This person agreed to do a photo shoot with Perry. There was nothing inappropriate going on between Perry and this person. But the energy between them was obvious.

Perry told Bridget about this person, including showing Bridget a picture of her. Bridget said she was beautiful. There was not an ounce of insecurity in her voice or demeanor.

Perry noticed this. But said nothing about it.

In the past, Bridget would have given Perry the third degree about the photo shoot meeting. She’d joke (not so jokingly) about his “date”. Or she would tease him (with a tinge of sarcasm) about his “new girlfriend” he would be “spending the day with.” But this time, she was easy about his plans.

No sarcasm. No jokes.

Was Perry surprised by these changes? Nope. He knew his broader perspective was orchestrating events not only in Bridget’s life. But also the lives of her friends’ and their relationships. Everyone was getting what they want. Including Perry.

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Life will surprise and delight you. If you let it. (Photo: Andre Guerra)

Four months later, Perry scheduled a meeting with this transgender person about another photo shoot. Bridget knew about the meeting.

The day of the meeting, as Perry was getting ready to go, Bridget walked up to him.

“Have a great time,” she said. She meant it too. “Feel free to do whatever pleases you dear. I love you.”

What she meant was, Perry was free to have an intimate experience with his friend, if that’s what he wanted to do. In other words, Perry and Bridget had just walked into an open relationship.

Of course, Perry felt this coming. He saw the signs leading up to it. Bridget’s friend, her neighbor, her best friend’s experiences eased Bridget’s concerns. So Perry didn’t have to have some tense, uncomfortable conversation. Instead, he found himself one day in exactly what he wanted with a loving and supportive partner to boot.

Since then, Bridget has made extraordinary progress in her own positively focused lifestyle. She’s turning into a different person than who Perry first met. Perry has too. So has Nancy. Bridget has even explored with her own dalliance. With Perry’s blessings.

When you learn to trust and follow your intuition, not only does your life benefit. So do the lives of those around you. You get what you want, with little effort on your part. All this is available when you are positively focused.

 

How To Let Your Intuition Convince You

Perry has been doing this positively focused lifestyle for a while. Starting to learn to trust your intuition? Don’t start with opening your relationship.

Start with small things.

Before Perry’s story we were talking about “false” outcomes being as important as “true” results. Both offer valuable insights. What insights do “true” results offer? Clues showing you how intuition works so you can trust it.

Let’s say you’re using your intuition to guide you to a parking spot. You lightly set your intention. When you get where you’re going, you envision an open parking spot near your destination will be waiting.

Then you get ready to go. You’re positively focused, paying attention to all the great things about your life. Maybe you’ve practiced this process for several weeks. So you’re in a really good mood, and have been for a while.

So when you arrive, not only is there a parking spot. You have “rock star” parking: the parking space right in front of the store. Elation!

It works!

What proof! You recognize the co-incidence of your intent and the realization of it.

Or…

You arrive and you don’t get a space. It’s crowded and it takes you a while to park.

Either way, what happens next is important.

You want to note what happened. You also want to note how you felt through the process. Get your journal ready and answer these questions:

  1. How was I feeling right before I acted? Positive? Ornery? Frustrated? Calm?
  2. Did I feel anything about my intention? Optimistic? Eager? Positive? Or doubtful, worried, silly, embarrassed or disbelieving?
  3. Did I get any kind of confirmation that I would fulfill this intention? Was there a shiver in the spine or goosebumps at any point along the way?
  4. How was the “intensity” of the confirmation (if one was received)? Was it light and passing? Or was it a feeling that wouldn’t end? Did it (the intensity) remain steady? Or did it increase over time?
  5. If I did receive confirmation, was there a difference in how it felt? For example, was it more a feeling and less of “words in my head” or vice versa?
  6. Where was the feeling? Was it “high” in my head? Or was it “deep” in my head? Or was it in my stomach? Or was it all over?

With these questions, you can start pinpointing what the process feels like along the way. With practice, you learn the language your intuition speaks.

What if you’re experiencing negative emotion like frustration?

Frustration, disbelief, or any other negative emotions are positive. They tell you there are beliefs you hold working against you. If you didn’t feel them, how would you know you had such beliefs?

So negative emotions aren’t what people think they are. In every case, they are helpful. They tell you whether you’re 100 percent on track with your intention. Or not.

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So when you feel a negative emotion, you want to examine your beliefs. There will be a thought in your head expressing the belief. “This is all bullshit” is a thought telling you you have a belief that goes “this doesn’t work” or “I don’t believe this”. It sometimes is accompanied by anger, indignation, feeling critical, impatient, belligerent, or judgmental.

Embarrassment or shame is something a person might feel when trying something for the first time. Embarrassment shows you believe other people’s opinions about what you’re doing are more important than getting what you want.

When you identify the belief, write it down.

Then use this process to soothe that belief over time. Your beliefs determine what you get. So negative emotion is a gift: it points to beliefs preventing you from getting what you want. Remember, intuition leads you to what you believe. Not what you want.

Let’s say you didn’t get the parking spot, and you don’t have a negative feeling. The “false” result offers insight to other potential sticking points. One may be something you’re doing (or not doing) that the “false” outcome is pointing to.

As we said before, you might be too invested in the outcome. You might be putting forth too much effort (action). Or, you might not have refined your intuitional listening.

For example, in a particular exercise Perry is doing these days, he gets four choices. Only one of them is “true”. The exercise helps refine his intuitional listening. Here’s a picture of the exercise platform with one of his test outcomes.

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Sometimes, during this game, he will feel two communications offering two different choices simultaneously. Sometimes both are “true”. One being “true” now…the next being “true” in the next trial. Here intuition is sending answers to two different trials.* It feels like mixed messages. But it’s actually two messages delivered at the same time.

Your intuition operates outside of time and space. It’s sending you information all the time. Your job is learn to cull what you’re wanting from the constant information stream.

Humans are used to linear time. Learning to trust intuition means unlearning one’s familiarity with that. And the idea that everything happens in a single file, one-moment-after-another process.

“False” outcomes also help ease your focuse on results, causing you to enjoy the journey more. The outcome is not the goal: the connection to your inner knowing is. That’s the goal. Not the outcome.

(We needed to repeat that because it’s really, really important).

Relaxing into the journey is the goal. Not the outcome.

The cool thing is, when you’re focused on the real goal, the happy side effects (“true” results) come easily. And delightfully.

Like Perry’s open relationship.

Get good at hearing your intuition. Master focusing on the connection between you and you, which is the “true” result you’re wanting. Then more and more evidence, i.e. “true” outcomes, will pile up.

One day you’ll realize you are trusting your intuition. Because evidence in your life experience is so plentiful you can’t help but trust. Then you’re on your way.

On your way to what? You are on your way to your individual invincibility.

*You can download and play this game yourself here.

The Only Leverage You Need To Have All You Want

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Photo: Rodolfo Clix

Leverage that comes from your broader perspective makes living sweet.

When someone discovers how invincible they are, it’s impossible to live any other way.  And, there’s no ceiling limiting how great life can get.

By leverage we mean having life do things for you, instead of you having to do it all yourself.

That doesn’t mean sitting in bed thinking positive thoughts will bring everything to you. You’re in a physical reality.

You have to do things.

It does mean lightly indicating what you’re wanting. Then watching as life puts the pieces together. At the right time along the way, you get an impulse to act. Following that impulse is your “doing”. Your doing doesn’t make anything happen. It’s all happened already.

Your “doing” puts you in the perfect place, in time and space to receive what you’re wanting.

Summarizing: figure out what you want. Life will coordinate circumstances. When they’re ready, life will tell you to act. Your acting doesn’t make it happen. The impulse to act is an invitation. It’s saying: “do this now”.  Your action puts you in the right place at the right time. There, you receive what you want.

Life always works this way for everyone. So why doesn’t it look that way for everyone? Why doen’t it occur that way for everyone?

Three reasons:

  1. Hardly anyone realizes they have broader perspective.
  2. Hardly anyone does what they need to to see life through that.
  3. Too many people try to make what they want happen, instead of letting life do it.
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Photo: Cristian Newman

So what is this “broader perspective”?

“Human” is a projection. It’s an experience you are projecting into yourself. The experience is the best way to know what and who you are. That’s why you’re experiencing this experience.

Everything in your experience is also your projection. You perceive into existence other people, circumstances, even your body. Existence looks like an “objective reality”. So much so, you think it’s separate from you. That’s because you organize your physical senses too. That way they experience the projection as objective, separate reality.

Your senses can’t see the projection any other way.

Your senses are part of the projection.

“Behind” your physical senses, you have another set of “senses”. These are not constrained like your physical senses. Yet, they correspond with them. You see, hear, smell, taste, touch through these “nonphysical” senses. The same way you do with physical ones.

Seeing life through these senses, is “broader perspective”.

The more you see life through them, the more curious you get. You start understanding how much creative control you have.

Ever had a dream feel real as f*ck? How could it have “felt” real, if you didn’t have senses capable of perceiving in that nonphysical place? Dreams are not hallucinations. They’re as real as you and us.

Science claims dreams are “all in the head”. Science is a big stumbling block. It prevents people from having real leverage.

Science is real though. It has validity and purpose. But science is in no way the final arbiter of what is “real” and “not real”. And, nonphysical reality informs science like it does with everything else in physical reality.

If it weren’t for nonphysical reality, there would be no physical reality. And no science.

A person deciding for themselves what is real and not real finds they are the final arbiter. And of course they are. They are the ones doing the projecting.

· · ·

A projector has to have a place to stand and also something on which to project. It has to have something to project too.

You “stand” in the spacious now. The spacious now is outside time and space. It is not bound by what science calls “the laws of physics”.

Neither are you, by the way. Your body is. You’re not.

Your body is part of the projection. You are broader perspective.

We also call the spacious present “nonphysical” reality. Nonphysical reality is “where” you, the projector stands.

You are also the projector screen. So all that you experience is “inside you”. That’s why you can perceive it. There is a lot “outside” you too, out there in nonphysical reality. But it is irrelevant to you, until you expand yourself enough so that it becomes you. And thus relevant.

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So you’re the projector and you’re also the projector screen. What is it you are projecting? Everything that you are. Primarily you are projecting a consistent stream of values comprising your essence. You fulfilled some. Others are in the process. Many more your birth nearly every moment.

Everything that is you is being projected by you out into your real life. It is being projected into you and perceived through physical senses you organized. That way it looks separate from you. That way you can observe it “objectively”.

Until you’re done doing that.

All this is happening so you can become more self-aware.

Realizing this is also “broader perspective”. It is one of many insights that come with seeing your life extraordinarily. When you realize your broader perspective, insights like this come naturally. These insights aren’t available when you don’t have broader perspective.

The broader perspective you have, the more clearly you perceive your projection. The more of your projection you perceive, the greater understanding you have.

Understanding of what? Everything.

Put differently: the less you know about what you’re doing in this thing called life, the more “ordinary” life looks.

Joy, ecstasy, wonder, freedom, invincibility result from living from broader perspective.

Life is extraordinary.

It feels that way when you “see” differently.

“Broader perspective” lets you see “all” that you are. But it’s limited by what you’re capable of realizing. The more you live your life from this perspective though, the more capable you become.

This has immense practical benefit.

So much so, it’s a wonder so few live this way. Broader perspective’s leverage is so great, it looks magical.

But it’s not. We call this leverage.

It’s how life is for one who gets it.

Take Perry’s recent experience.

· · ·

Now, Perry has been at this for many years. He is getting better and better seeing life through his broader perspective. So he sees more examples of extraordinary happening, nearly every moment.

Everything is possible in and through your broader perspective.

Perry’s ambitions reflect that statement.

One of Perry’s ambitions is evolving capitalism out of existence. He has realized better system for resource management and distribution. He knows it’s possible because he’s seen it.

So he focuses his energies in this direction.

One way this energy focus shows up is hiring talent through the “gig economy”. Perry met a wonderful animation team on an online gig economy match-making service. This team already created two animated videos describing Perry’s economic idea. He has plans for ten more videos. Perry wants this same team to create the other eight.

Like many online services, this gig economy match-making service takes a part of the sales that happen on its website. They also discourage members from offering and accepting payments “off community.”

Paying someone else for brokering an initial transaction is great. But when you’re planning to buy a lot more, that transaction fee can add up. Especially at $1500 a video on average.

So one day this Spring, while contemplating his animated video library, Perry got an idea.

“It would be great,” It said. “If I could work with this team directly rather than through this community. I’d save all those fees on the next 10 videos.”

“And,” The thought continued. “Since I’m wanting to do so many, maybe the team would give me a volume discount!”

Perry loved this idea. It came and went in a flash. Three minutes tops. He felt good thinking it. He didn’t think it was impossible. But he knew the community discouraged this. So, instead of taking action, he sat with it.

Fast forward to October. Perry’s ramping up the next videos, preparing the scripts. One day he gets the impulse to send a message to this team via the community. Here’s the conversation that happened:

Screen Shot One

 

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Perry had no idea what the guy was going to send via email. But Perry sent his email address. The next day the following conversation happened via email:

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Of course this was a great turn out. But notice what happened here. Perry didn’t have to do anything to get what he wanted. Life coordinated it all for him. Then sent an impulse when it was all ready.

This is leverage.

It is available to everyone.

· · ·

If you dismiss this as “coincidence” you’re doing yourself a disservice. Dismissing it as coincidence denies (for you) your broader perspective. In denying your broader perspective, you obscure your perception. You relegate yourself to having to make it all happen.

That sucks.

We want to write “you cut yourself off from your broader perspective”, but that can’t happen. Your broader perspective is you. You can’t cut “you” off.

But you can create a reality wherein you do not perceive your broader perspective as real. That’s what you do when you dismiss such events as “coincidence” or “random chance”, or “confirmation bias”. When you do dismiss them, you get a life experience reflecting your dismissals. In other words, life looks comprised of events that seem random or chance or coincidence. Not within your control.

But it’s all in your control. The moment you adopt your broader perspective.

Like Perry.

And remember: there is no upper limit on anything about this.

Life can be, a continual, moment-by-moment experience of getting everything you want.

Perry is getting there. He has done this work for a long time. Today he is seeing events like this happening all over. But he’s wanting to get to the point where he’s seeing them continuously. 

He’s close.

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Photo: Gaetan-Meyer

Anything you can think of wanting you can have. You are creating your life experience. That’s the purpose of it. To realize how much say you have.

There is only one relationship giving you everything you want. The relationship between your ordinary conscious experience and your broader perspective. Attend to that. Everything else is attended to for you.

Gradually realizing that you are invincible is intoxicating. Realizing you can have anything you want is intoxicating. Realizing you can be anything, or do anything frees you from limitation.

But when you do do whatever you want, when you do get what you want, and when you become what you want….that just can’t be described in words.

The leverage you have in your life is immense.

Don’t you think it’s time you start using it?

How To Get What You Want From Your Relationship

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Photo: David Thomaz

It’s easy sometimes to get frustrated in a marriage or partnership.

Relationships can also be a perfect blend of constant wonder and delight.

Which one you get –– frustration or wonder and delight –– depends on your perception.

Often, disagreements and frustration, for both parties, happen when one person tries to control the other’s behavior. In most cases “trying to control” is not an intentional, malicious act. The person doesn’t want to control the other. They just want to be happy.

Controlling behavior happens when a person feels insecure. They tries to soothe the insecurity through controlling their partner’s actions.  Inadequacy, feeling out of control, insecure, shame, embarrassment, or righteous indignation can all trigger “controlling” behavior.

The person tries to control conditions they think are causing the feeling. “Conditions” usually mean their partner.

The problem is conditions aren’t triggering the emotions. Their beliefs about the conditions are.

You’ll notice when a controlling person succeeds, they aren’t happy for long. The controlled person isn’t either. So controlling spawns future dissatisfaction leading to…you guessed it: more need to control.

It’s a vicious cycle. A cycle that leaves people feeling alone. Even in relationship.

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A negative vicious cycle spirals out of control in some relationships. Leaving people feeling alone. Even though they’re not. (photo: Thought Catalog)

Trying to control another person’s behavior so you feel better backfires sooner or later. Sometimes a lot sooner.

People aren’t stupid. They can tell when a person is trying to control them.

Put more accurately, every human knows they came to express inherent freedoms. No one wants someone telling them what to do.

Including children.

Including very young children.

But especially grown mature, aware people.

· · ·

The easiest way to get what you want in relationship is to let your spouse do whatever they are wanting. Observing that, be happy with the fact that they’re doing that instead of what you want.

Even better: want to get what you’re wanting from your spouse? Then change what you’re wanting to what your spouse is already doing.

Voila! You’re now getting what you’re wanting.

We can hear the eye-rolls….

But there is wisdom here.

Change what you want from your partner to wanting what your partner is already doing. You will find peace. You’ll stop controlling. Your partner gets to do what they want. Everyone gets happy.

Can you say you feel good when you’re controlling your partner against their will?

We thought not.

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Photo: Obayda

The problem is your perception, not the conditions. A long-term practice learning to seeing your partner’s positive aspects can transform them. It can recreate your partner without your partner changing.

An example from Perry’s marriage is apt:

One day, Perry’s wife, Bridget, began practicing meditation. She meditated before, but it was sporadic and thus not very effective. After witnessing Perry’s results, Bridget began meditating in earnest.

She supplemented her practice with other approaches. The combination revealed how easy it is to get what she wants. Especially doesn’t try to get anything.

Getting what she wanted required letting go of controlling her husband. Six months passed with the task undone. Yet Bridget had to experience conditions she wanted to control as perfect. With no regard for changing him or the situation.

Some days later, after consistent practice, Bridget found herself more relaxed. Then, one day, she got an intuition that the task she’s wanting Perry to do was about to resolve in a delightful way. Her intuition encouraged her to prepare to be surprised…

Around the same time, Perry, received his own impulse: it said “now is about the time to do (the task)”.

Perry knows that, before taking any action on an impulse, it’s best to let it grow to where it is impossible to ignore. So he allowed this impulse to sit in his awareness with nothing more than a casual acknowledgement of it.

Days passed. Then a week.

During that time Bridget received more impulses. They excited her. Later she told Perry she wanted to tell him what was happening, but knew if she did, she’d muck up the process. So she kept it all to herself.

Meanwhile, Perry kept receiving more and more impulses.

Until one day, Perry felt overcome with wanting to do this task.

He told Bridget he was going to do it the next day.

Bridget, as you can imagine, delighted to hear this. What made that it extra sweet was she knew it was going to happen and her excitement was building the whole time.

· · ·

These days, such things happen often in Perry and Bridget’s relationship. It’s no surprise the two of them continue to practice the work. The evidence for them is overwhelming.

The work works.

Now there’s nothing wrong with getting excited about outcomes like this. Realize this kind of thing happens all the time and the excitement gives way to expectation. Expectation is the sweet spot. It prepares perception to perceive and appreciate more such events.

For Bridget, it was a profound demonstration. It showed she can create any reality. Including one in which she can influence her partner’s behavior!

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life will surprise and delight you. If you let it. (Photo: Andre Guerra)

Everyone has this ability.
It is as natural as breathing. Everyone brings it with them when they come into physical reality.

Exercising this natural ability requires gradually releasing beliefs obscuring this ability. There’s great freedom in exercising it. You can let everyone else in your life off the hook for what happens in your life.

Instead, you can watch everything you’re wanting come into your experience. Not from action. But from your subtle attention to what you’re wanting. A positive outlook and expecting that everything is always working out for you helps too.

So here are the steps to getting what you want out of your spouse (or anyone):

 

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Photo: Sharon Mccutcheon

First discover your own autonomy.

Learn to identify then soothe beliefs that spawn controlling behavior.

You do that by examining your belief constellations. Or by creating new, more empowering ones that will replace your old ones.

Meditation, therapy, bibliotherapy and journaling are all effective was of examining beliefs.  Another way: Pay attention to your negative feelings. They always lead you back to a flawed premise or belief.

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Family dinners for many are less about food and more about sharing love. But other people just don’t get it. And they don’t have to. (Photo: Pablo Merchan Montes)

Let’s say your family always dined together at the dinner table. You gained a lot from that experience. Now as an adult, your partner prefers eating while watching tv. Or he or she prefers a quick bite over formal dinner.

Let’s say your family always dined together at the dinner table. You gained a lot from that experience. Now as an adult, your partner prefers eating while watching tv. Or he or she prefers a quick bite over formal dinner.

It annoys you when he or she declines your offer to a formal dinner every night. As a result you feel negative emotion –– insecurity, frustration, sadness, wistful. So you get angry. Where’s that coming from? A well-practiced belief. Some possible examples:

  • “My partner doesn’t love me”
  • “I married a selfish person”
  • “I can never get what I want”
  • “There’s no love here”

But you aren’t aware of the belief. You just know you’re mad. Then you say something you usually wouldn’t, hoping your partner will give you what you’re wanting.

Notice the beliefs don’t describe your partner or your relationship. They describe what you’re thinking about your partner or your relationship.

Rather than reacting from your anger. Look at the feeling.

Ask yourself: “Why it is important for me to repeat that experience as an adult?”

Then ask, “Why am I trying to cajole that experience out of someone who doesn’t share my past experience?”

Have a journal handy to help you probe the answer.

Your partner isn’t there to recreate your past family dynamics. Your partner is there to enjoy his life. Like you. Berating or shaming your partner to do something they don’t want to never works. You’ll be resentful you had to force them. And you’re going to lose in the long run.

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You’ll be amazed how a consistent positive focus can change your life.

Next: Practice increasing your focus on your partner’s positive aspects.

This is easy.

After all, you married (or partnered) with this person. At one point these were front and center. Again, meditation, book reading, therapy and journaling can assist here.

We do not suggest talking to a friend. Friends sympathize with what you’re going through. They don’t have your best interest at heart. Friends often like to commiserate.

Commiserating is not helpful.

A hyper-focus on your partner’s “weak points” or “areas of development” makes them shine bright.

Focus on those and before long that’s all you see. Then your love turns to resentment. While your partner becomes a scoundrel …when viewed from your negative belief constellations.

Any focus practiced becomes habitual.

So practicing focusing on another’s positive aspects can become habitual too.

Start by keeping a list of everything positive you already know about them. Then begin noticing things beyond what you already know. Write them down in a journal. Acknowledge their existence. Notice, as you practice this, how your mood about the person changes. The more positive aspects pile up, the less negative you begin feeling about the person.

When you’re comfortable, start acknowledging things they do that are positive. No matter how insignificant, share your appreciation to the person. Do it face to face or in a text or handwritten note.

Tip: You’re not manipulating. You’re not trying to change your partner. You’re not even trying to change you. You’re changing how you feel about them.

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You got into a relationship with this person for good reasons. Remember? (photo: Toa Heftiba)

Next: Develop a practice which re-acquaints you with the massively beneficial and wonderful things about your relationship.

It’s easy to get caught up complaining and lose sight not only of gifts your partner brings, but also gifts you two together create.

The same process above can help you develop a chronic habit of relationship appreciation.

Note the positive aspects being with this person creates. Write them down. In time, share them with your partner. Don’t worry if they don’t feel the same way you’re beginning to. Remember, this is not about them.

Then, after at least 60 days, pick something light and easy, that you would prefer your partner to do. (Don’t try this too early, you’ll re-energize your old habits and beliefs.)

Say to yourself, very lightly, with hardly any focus on it, what that is. Say it in a positive, almost nonchalant tone. Like: “wouldn’t it be nice if Alphonso took out the garbage this week?”.

Then, after thinking this statement once, drop it. Drop it completely from your consciousness. Try to obliterate it from your mind, as if it never came up.

If you’ve done everything up to this point each day, then one day, not next week, Alphonso will take out the garbage. You might even receive an pre-intuitive impulse that something is up. Like Bridget did.

Resist the temptation to say anything to Alphonso. Keep it all to yourself.

You’ll be surprised and delighted, but don’t show it. Instead savor the experience.

But do make note of this in your journal!

· · ·

This is a practice. It may or may not happen over night.

It may not happen in the first year. But there is no rush because you are eternal. And, nothing is wrong with Alphonso not taking out the garbage anyway!

Practice this. You’ll be astonished. Become clear about what’s in your belief constellation. Shift your focus to positive aspects of your relationship, and your partner/spouse.  In time you will discover you’re in a pretty awesome relationship. And your partner/spouse is awesome too.

Keep it up and pretty soon you’ll want to explore other ways your beliefs create your reality.

The most convincing proof is personal life experience. When what you’re reading here, happens in your life, things “get real”. You can’t help feeling impervious to misfortune and negative situations.

You’ll come to believe your invincibility.

That will radically change your partnership or marriage. It will leave you living more and more in constant wonder and delight.

Exactly the way life is supposed to be.

One More Thing To Create Your Best Life Ever

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Photo: Guiherme Stecanella

In a previous post we wrote “If you stick to your guns, you will prevail.”

For some, this accurate.

But for many others…we’d say the majority of people…sticking to your guns is not enough.

That’s because people who want to be great, sometimes believe they aren’t.

You can’t be great if you don’t think you are.

So when we write: “…stick to your guns,…”, we’re referring to a mindset, not the action you’re taking.

Both action and mindset are crucial though. They work together.

But it’s easy for them to work against each other. And this is our point: For most people they do work against each other.

Take Perry for example.

· · ·

For decades he held many disempowering beliefs.

All beliefs like beliefs like themselves. So Perry’s early beliefs, spawned similar ones. Before long he had a collection of similarly disempowering beliefs.

We like to call this collection a belief constellation. They resemble billions of stars on a clear night. Like a constellation, they connect, forming a picture.

That picture is one’s reality.

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Belief constellations resemble pictures painted in the sky by connecting stars. In the same way celestial patterns form objects, your beliefs form your reality. (Photo: Frederik de Wit)

Belief constellations are tightly woven. It’s hard to find the originating belief. One of Perry’s earliest disempowering beliefs, in this life time, for example, was “I’m an oddball and alone.”

Usually Perry was on his own. His parents were often aloof. His brothers were doing their own things. When the three brothers were together, the younger and older brothers often teased him.

It didn’t matter if it was playful, or malicious. Perry, a serious young boy, took these experiences as seriously as everything else, interpreting them to mean he was alone. And vulnerable. And insecure.

Life always reflects one’s mood through life experiences and situations. Not surprisingly, Perry found more and more “evidence” supporting his insecurity:

He got into a fight with a neighbor boy, which he lost. He was shot at by another young boy armed with a gun. A neighbor’s dog chased him up a tree. A nasty bike accident left him permanently scarred.

Then his parents divorced.

Of course, plenty life experiences reflected Perry’s invulnerability too.

But you can only see evidence for your predominant beliefs. Young Perry’s dominant belief was “I’m vulnerable”.

· · ·

The earlier in life a belief is formed, the more time it has to accumulate like beliefs. Over time, belief constellations become “the way life is”.

By then, most don’t have objective access to the beliefs. They don’t question the “what is”-ness of their interpretations which have hardened into beliefs.

They just believe life is this way.

Remember thought: while life reflects evidence consistent with that, it simultaneously contains evidence to the contrary.

That means, one’s life experience, no matter how dour, can change.

The problem is, humans (a) have a hard time accepting this. (b) They are unwilling to exert enough psychological persistence making change permanent. So, (c) they miss evidence confirming life has changed.

Summarizing:

  1. One’s mindset created from interpreting experience, spawns more confirming experiences. (“mindset” is another word for “belief constellation”)
  2. The mindset recedes into the background becoming “the way life is”.
  3. One’s actions – their physical behavior, but also their thought behavior – shapes to their experiences.
  4. One acts consistent with their “in the background” beliefs.

If a person believes blacks are scary and sees a black person at a stop light crossing the street in front of her at night, of course she is going to lock her car doors.

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Belief constellations are so powerful they create your reality and dictate your behavior. (Photo by Gijis Coolen)

The point of all this is, stick to your guns and live authentically. But be sure your beliefs match your authenticity. Beliefs that your authenticity is wrong, bad, or unworthy of expression, generate internal conflict.

That will show up in your life experience, making life “harder” than it needs to be.

· · ·

There is absolutely nothing wrong with this. Such life experiences are showing you your inner reality. That’s good.

You could say that’s what physical life is about. Life experience is dazzling. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the dazzle and forget you’re shaping your life experiences.

Every human comes standing in their invincibility. Until they accept others’ beliefs or get “educated”. Which is not all that educational.

In time, they forget the world responds to them. It’s not the other way around.

In losing their way, they pre-pave their return.

Return to what? To their invincibility.

Everyone returns eventually. The majority return after death. Witness what people regret at their death.

Some people (maybe you?) get it sooner. They end up being remarkable.

Their authenticity will not allow circumstances to dictate belief. They are here to change worlds. Not just this world, all worlds.

Fewer of these people are willing to compromise their authenticity these days. They have something to say. And they’re saying it.

Maybe you are one of these people.

· · ·

If you are, your life experience awaits your expression. No pressure though.

You may see these circumstances for what they are. Your perfect design. In this life.

Or maybe not.

The great news is, there are plenty of lifetimes. Between those lifetimes, you remind yourself what you really are. But you don’t have to die to remember. And you don’t need more than one life time to make your mark.

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Death: a doorway through which you pass. Then you remember what you are. (Photo: Rhodi Alers)

So here is the best way to get at beliefs that may have receded into the “what is”-ness of your life: Don’t worry about old beliefs! Instead, create new empowering ones.

Of course they’re going to feel fake to you. All beliefs do at first.

But the nature of belief is the nature of belief. Meaning: hold that fake-feeling belief long enough. It will fade into your background and become “what is” for you. That belief also will accumulate like ones. A new belief constellation will be born.

Your life experience will reflect that constellation. Just like your old beliefs.

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The road ahead that is your life is being designed by you. What reality are you going to create for you and the world? (Photo: Yoal Desurmont)

At that point, you’ll begin believing what once was a fake belief.

The following example is helpful.

Five years ago, Perry met his now wife. As with all love, in the beginning, it was great.

The more time passed however, the more his wife began reflecting back to Perry his beliefs about being in relationships. Of course, Perry’s wife has her own belief constellation born of her own lifetime experiences.

Perry’s relationship gradually became a living hell for Perry. And for his wife. As marriages often do. That’s why so many end.

But Perry knows he is the common denominator in his life experience. No matter where he goes, he’s there, creating his experience via his beliefs. So Perry decided he had had enough.

He put this reality creation business to the test.

And so he began treating his wife differently.

As far as he was concerned, his wife had no responsibility for Perry’s life experience or their relationship. Not even responsibility for her own behavior!

There are a lot of details we’re skipping for brevity.

Life experience shapes to beliefs on an exponential curve. So at first, Perry didn’t notice much happening.

For the first three years.

He just had to accept something was happening. Even though he couldn’t see it. And indeed something was.

In the fourth year, his wife started changing. On her own, she began taking classes, then she began meditating. Then she began listening to uplifting speakers. Then she started reading books by those speakers.

Emboldened by these results, Perry doubled down on his commitment. And his wife became easier and easier to be with.

Their relationship changed too.

In fact, Perry’s wife had changed for the better so much, even her parents mentioned how lighter and happier she had become.

· · ·

You have more power than you may know. You can change other people’s behavior.

But you have to be persistent in the face of no apparent evidence.

So, here are the steps to making old beliefs irrelevant in your life.

First, start by allowing yourself to recognize things in your life that are contrary to beliefs you have. If you believe that life doesn’t shape to your beliefs, note how your life behaves exactly that way. By showing you a random-generated life experience that appears objectively separate from your beliefs.

Noted, deliberately take a moment and reflect on that. Write about it in your journal. Ponder the evidence your life has just shown you that matches your beliefs.

Then note when life doesn’t. Remember: life always does both. Maybe you’ll think about something happening –– your friend calling for example –– and your friend will call.

You’re wanting to realize that life is full of evidence for any belief.

Which it is.

Any life experience is available, bounded only by your beliefs.

Take your time. Allow many examples like this.

Then, write down a thought consistent with a belief you want to have. Start with something easy.

Say, for example, you want to be an actor, but you believe you’re not talented enough. Starting with the thought “I can be an actor” is going to create too much internal conflict.

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You can live your dream life. It’s never too late. You just have to synch your beliefs and your desire. (Photo: Avel Chuklanov)

Instead, you might create the thought “I really like acting”. That thought has nothing to do with becoming a successful actor.

But it’s in the potential belief constellation of being a successful actor. Pretty much all successful actors like acting.

Next, think that thought for a little while, a few minutes.  You’ll start feeling good while thinking it. You might start thinking thoughts similar to it.

You might think “I liked acting as a child”.

“I always wanted to be an actor”.

“Acting is so a part of who I am”.

At this point, you might feel happy thinking. Or encouraged. Or enthusiastic. Or empowered. When you get to that point, try to forget about the thought completely.

Then, over some period of time, you will be inspired to take action. To the best of your ability, follow every inspiration you get.

Talk to a stranger. Go to a movie. Enroll in an acting class….

When you take an action inspired in this way, you have begun the process that ends in life experiences inconsistent with your previous beliefs and consistent with your new ones.

When that happens, revel in it. Journal about it. Acknowledge it.

You are on the way to becoming the actor you’re wanting to be. While old beliefs are on their way to irrelevancy.

We come full circle to the original story that prompted this one.

For now you must stick to your guns, repeating this process. Do that and you create the unshakable mindset. And the life it accompanies.

What you want is what the world wants. Your authenticity. Give the world what it wants and you change it.

But first you must change.