We shared a day in Perry’s life where small “pearls” prove he lives on cloud nine. The less effort you put into trying to get what you want, the easier life gets.
Other people are key. The Universe coordinates other people coming into your life. People showing up are pathways to what you want. The Universe puts them there according to your instruction. When you give it clear instruction, your desires come fast. That’s how life gets easy.
Today we’re sharing more examples from Perry’s life show how easy life can be. Give clear instruction, and the Universe gives you what you want.
· · ·
Last month Perry noticed how much is going right in the world. He trends positive about most things. But that day, amazement was near constant. The world is getting better and better. Even if you think it’s not.
Feeling super-positive that morning, Perry checked his email. Two notification emails mentioned the same long time friend. Let’s call him Leon. One notification came via Facebook. The other via Patreon.
Leon follows Perry’s work with Copiosis. Turns out last night he decided to support Perry’s work. The Patreon email said Leon became a $20 monthly Patron.
Perry spent a moment enjoying that news. Then he wondered why Leon changed his mind after so long. So he contacted him.
Leon said he now gets the value and power of Perry’s positive focus. So he decided to support spreading the message.
It was interesting timing. Perry feeling amazement. Then checking his inbox. Then talking to Leon. Good news everywhere.
Leon shared his new-found perspective and understanding. Meanwhile, Perry dashed off a graphic illustrating his perspective. Life gets better and better. Even what appears negative serves life’s positive long game.
Perry’s friend agreed, then wrote this:
Perry thought that was a great idea. If someone could show tangibly, or “prove” what Perry knew is the case, it could help others “see the light” too.
Perry knows of course. For him, it’s not something he “thinks”. Nor is it something he “believes”. There’s a difference between “thinking”, “believing” and “knowing”.
When you “think” something, you’re supposing. It’s not knowing. You’re not sure.
When you “believe” something, you think you “know”. But there’s a difference between the two. Believe something long enough and you can know it. That’s because beliefs create reality (for the person who believes).
But knowing is distinct. It’s visceral awareness confirmed through personal life experience.
You’re Getting Everything You Want
Ever notice when you want something, yet don’t spend a lot of time or energy trying to make it happen, it happens faster?
You probably don’t notice. You’re not paying attention. So you miss how fast it comes.
It’s a lot like time. When you’re bored, you notice how slowly time passes. You watch the clock. Time seems like it runs backwards.
When you’re engaged and excited, time passes fast. You don’t notice it. When you notice time, like when you’re bored, it passes slow.
Now try this: look at your clock. Watch the clock until the minute changes. Notice how long it takes a minute to pass. Felt like a long time, yes? They say a watched pot never boils…
The same is true with what you want. The more you notice it’s not there, the longer it takes to come.
That’s because when you want something, you notice it’s missing. You think you focus on wanting that thing. But you can’t help notice the opposisite. What you want is not there.
Don’t pay much attention to the thing you want. It will come faster. That’s what happens now in your life. You don’t notice this though because it happens so quick. And because you aren’t noticing it.
In these cases, you notice something you want. Then forget about it. The larger part of you creates it instantly in your moment of becoming. Then it organizes events and people so you can have it in your “reality”.
Because you’re not paying too much attention you make room for the organizing. Then, voila! It shows up.
This happens a lot. So often you don’t notice.
For things you really want, though, it rarely happens this way. It can. But doesn’t.
The reason is obvious. You’re slowing things down. Now that you know what you know, you can fix it. It just takes practice.
· · ·
So here was Perry having this conversation. He agreed with Leon how cool it would be if someone objectively proved the world gets better. But Perry didn’t need this evidence. He knew already. So he didn’t care as much.
It would be nice though if someone did that work. Wrote a book perhaps…
That’s as far as Perry took it. Leon said he has a brother who has a Math PhD. He said he’d ask his brother if he’d look into it. Perry thought this was cool too, but didn’t think too much about that either.
After the conversation, Perry got ready for his dentist appointment. The conversation ended in time for him to get dressed, floss and brush his teeth and walk to the dentist about a mile away.
He arrived ten minutes before his appointment. It was a pleasant walk, in warm sunny weather. Everyone in the office was happy. At least everyone Perry talked with.
Usually, Perry gets his teeth cleaned by Sabrina, his hygienist. At the end of the appointment, the dentist does the exam. This time the dentist was busy with a difficult patient. Perry heard him talking with the patient in the other room. They were talking through an interpreter. The case sounded really difficult.
Next thing Perry knew, the dentist was there examining his teeth. The hygienist hadn’t finished. Perry asked the dentist what was up.
“I came in to see you now because I’ve got this difficult case over there,” the dentist said. “If I didn’t come do your exam now, it probably would be a while.”
This happens frequently. It’s like Perry’s the center of the universe. Little things remind him. Like a dentist’s Inner Being telling him to examine Perry’s teeth rather than making Perry wait.
Your life works this way too. The more you’re positively focused, the more evidence shows up that life is this way. Or rather, the more you can see that life happens this way. Because it is this way. You just can’t see it.
· · ·
After Perry’s appointment he walked home, teeth shiny and clean. At home an article caught his interest. It was about Andrew Yang, a democratic presidential candidate Perry follows. Two things happened at that point.
Several weeks ago, another friend introduced Perry to people belonging to this thing called the Intellectual Dark Web (IDW). Several of these people’s stories didn’t make sense. They seemed to be progressives, but progressives hated them.
He didn’t understand this. But wanted to. He also didn’t want to spend a lot of time trying to figure it out. So he didn’t.
On this day, though, he came across this article on Yang. It contained a link to another article. That article was about people in the IDW. The link answered all Perry’s questions. It even introduced Perry to a website created about these intellectual renegades.
Perry remembered a few weeks back thinking “I’d like to know more about what IDW is.” But didn’t pursue the answer. And here this article fell into his lap.
Notice the pattern. Perry having a positively focused day. Then a friend becoming a $20/mo. patron. Then a great conversation with that guy. Then a flawless dental appointment, followed by a wonderful walk home. Then an answer to a question he asked a week before. We’re showing you how to give the Universe your instructions.
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The next day, Perry was talking with someone who responded to a story he published on Medium. There, Perry shared the same pendulum graphic he shared with his friend on Facebook. The commenter wrote back, suggesting a book from the author Steven Pinker.
Perry never heard of this book or the author. When he read it, it amazed him.
Remember Perry’s friend, Leon, said it would be a good idea if someone proved what Perry knows? That’s what Steven Pinker did in his book! It describes exactly what Leon wanted to know.
In every life instant, amazing experiences are happening. A dizzying number.
Even in your life, these things are happening. You don’t recognize them if your awareness is limited by negative thinking. But the more positively focused you become, the better you see.
“Yeah, right,” you might scoff. “My life is busy. I don’t have time to stop and smell the roses. Get your head out of the clouds.”
Having your head in the clouds is the prerequisite to living life on cloud nine. Why do you think humans have the saying “living on cloud nine” in the first place? Or having one’s “head in the clouds”?
It’s not because it’s a fantasy. For some it’s real.
But that’s how life is supposed to feel for everyone. Not only a few.
On cloud nine, you live in bliss, you see evidence everywhere that your dreams are becoming real.
Not “becoming real” metaphorically like a dream. But in real life.
Out of life’s beautiful complexity, you meant to choose life experiences matching your dreams. You knew your life could match your dreams before you got here.
That’s why you’re here now.
As more dreams came true your life would feel unreal. More dreams would come true. Then more. Then more. And then you’d happily leave physical reality behind.
By “life” we don’t mean this life only. We mean all your lives. Lives you’re living in many dimensions. So many it makes no sense counting them.
But you’re human. As human, you narrow your larger awareness into this one human experience. It seems like you have only one life to live. You Only Live Once (YOLO), they say.
But they are wrong. You’re eternal. And you can know that as sure as you know you are reading this.
Many reading this would like what they’re reading to be true. They have trouble finding evidence of this in their lives though. They have no proof these words are accurate.
If you’re one of these readers, take heart. The only reason you don’t have evidence is your awareness is limited by beliefs you have. You can’t see the evidence because you don’t believe it’s there.
But evidence surrounds you. A quick story to illustrate.
Evidence Appearing Invisible Only Is When You Can’t See It
One day, after a week away on vacation, Perry’s wife Bridget came home, unpacked and checked in on her pet rabbit. She didn’t want to burden Perry with taking care of the rabbit while on vacation. She already had him taking care of the cats. So she had a friend do it.
During her vacation, she still worried about the rabbit. A lot. Bridget worries about a lot a lot.
At first, she didn’t know Perry was feeding and watering the rabbit. Even though her friend and Perry himself told her that.
Not long after she returned from her trip, even though only two hours had passed since Perry told her that he had been feeding the rabbit, Bridget, in a panic, sent this:
Now, here is the interesting thing. In the picture above, you see an empty food bowl. It could have been empty because the rabbit ate all the food. Either way, you don’t see the entire picture. This is how you might see your own life.
Below is a larger perspective of the entire rabbit cage. Notice the full food bowl on the left. It seems obvious Bridget should have seen the full bowl. The whole picture.
Logical right? Why didn’t she?
Because her beliefs prevented her from seeing it. That’s why. She said she worried her whole vacation about the rabbit. That worry created a reality where – for Bridget – the rabbit hadn’t been fed. Even though in Perry’s reality, the rabbit had been fed.
The point is, just because you can’t see evidence of something doesn’t mean it’s not there. It is. It only means you must learn how to see it. “Learning” usually means expanding your awareness beyond your beliefs. The best way to do that is by living with your head in the clouds. Or better said: living Positively Focused.
This is what we talk about through this blog. Positively Focused is more than a clever title. It’s the state of being required to see the evidence. Evidence of what?
Evidence you live a charmed life. That you live on cloud nine.
When you get Positively Focused, your vision gets clearer and clearer. Not only do you see plenty evidence. That evidence piles up so high life gets amazing.
Your larger awareness deluges you with cloud nine evidence. That includes lovers, material success, life satisfaction and fulfillment. If you’re not getting what you want, it’s because of where you believe. Just like Bridget couldn’t see a reality different from her beliefs.
Some will say disparagingly “this sounds like the movie The Secret”. Many think that movie was too material oriented. Some think it bullshit.
It left out a lot.
Your life experience isn’t about collecting a bunch of stuff. It’s about realizing you’re eternal. It’s about realizing your absolute control over your life experience. It’s about knowing, you create your reality. How do you know? Through experiencing yourself creating your reality.
Then it’s about taking that knowledge and creating your best life. Day by day, as you go along.
Material Pursuits Are The Spiritual Practice
Since “life” happens in physical matter, “things” can help you realize you create your life. This is why The Secret focused so much on “things”. Things and experiences are “the stuff of life”. “Physical” life is as “real” as “spiritual” life (i.e. nonphysical) gets. Because physical life experience is spiritual experience taken to its maximum experiential extent.
Physical life is the ultimate expression of spiritual life. At least it is to humans.
You knew that when you decided to become human. The ecstatic, profound immersion experience you have on Earth keeps you coming back.
Perry’s life demonstrates this truth to him all the time. His awareness is getting bigger. So he sees more evidence than most. Sometimes it’s little pearls. These are everyday experiences where life goes wonderfully.
And there are great big platinum/level experiences. Realizations that astound him. Perry knows both little pearls and platinum level experiences are the stuff of life. Both are equal in validity. None greater than the other.
The more he comes into his knowing, the more profound Perry’s pearls. And the bigger the Platinum-level realizations get.
That’s why Perry’s knowing is solid. His conviction too. Every realization, every manifestation that happens is one more brick in a gargantuan wall of evidence.
Sure, he still doubts sometimes. But those moments are rarer than ever.
You can know too. It just takes a little practice.
Perry writing now: it’s true. I once wanted to believe this stuff. But now, so much of what my Inner Being has told me has happened, it’s impossible not to know.
· · ·
Today, we want to share what happened one morning this past week. (the week we are writing this which is the week of March 24-29, 2019, even though it might not be published for a while)
We want to show you the small stuff, little clues Perry received. Remember, these are happening in such plenitude, it’s impossible to share them all. Perry would be writing nearly every moment about every moment!
We tell these stories to inspire readers. Not so you can copy what’s happening in Perry’s life. But so you can create your own snowflake. Your own unique, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious life experience consistent with what you believe would knock your socks off.
In other words, your own cloud nine.
Anything you want can be yours and is yours. You only must apply yourself so you become positively focused. Then you have it.
A Morning In Perry’s Charmed Life
On Sunday, Perry decided he wanted to get some camping utensils. He promised Bridget he’d also run to Trader Joes (TJs). Perry planned to go straight to TJs first. That would have been the logical order. Grocery shop before TJs got crowded. The other stops were closer to home.
But he got inspired to get the utensils first. Dick’s Sporting Goods was less than 10 minutes away. On his way, he got another inspiration: stop by this old cemetery even closer to home.
You’re following your Inner Being, larger perspective, god, or whatever you want to call it. Such guidance never looks like a straight-line destination to your goal. It’s always a roundabout trip. Many reasons explain this.
First, you’d get bored if things happened fast. In other words, you prefer the long route. Second your larger perspective is coordinating with everyone else’s. So often, a circuitous trip is necessary. That’s because, rendezvous with others must be coordinated. You get what you want, while participating others get what they want also.
So what looks like what Abraham calls a “wild goose chase” is actually purpose-designed, as you’ll soon see in Perry’s experience.
So Perry went to this Columbia Historical Cemetery. It was an interesting visit. When he arrived, he assumed he’d get inspiration for drone images or other photography. But he didn’t see anything inspiring. He stayed there maybe 15 minutes.
Then he headed to Dicks’. The utensils he wanted cost almost $20 at Dicks’. Ridiculous! Perry thought. He bought all three utensils previously for $1 each (a knife, fork and spoon) at REI.
Knowing he could get a better deal, he left. Now he could have gone to Amazon.com and get any number of sets. Some less than what he paid. The cost wasn’t the point. It was the journey that unfolded.
On his way out, he got his next inspiration: try out the outdoor store next to Dicks’. It caters mainly to conservatives. Being liberal in most respects, Perry tends to support liberal-minded stores. In this case, he didn’t second guess his intuition.
“Whatever” he said, and went in.
Despite is apprehension he received great and kindly service. He also found exactly what he was looking for, for exactly the same price he paid before, more than seven years ago. Only they were a nicer color.
So following his impulses, and not second guessing or prejudging them, gave him what he wanted. At a great price.
But that wasn’t all.
One dream Perry is allowing into his existence is owning a brand new Ford F-150 pickup truck. According to Abraham, you know you’re lined up with your desire when you see it everywhere.
Here’s an excerpt from Perry’s journal, written the day of this trip:
Then, on my way out [of the sporting goods store], my heart skipped a beat when I saw this gorgeous F-15. While I was taking these pictures (I didn’t miss this Source!) there were five other F-150s driving around me. It was pretty awesome. I get it too. I’m right on the verge of this realization. SO cool.
While Perry took pictures of this truck, five other F-150 owners drove by, at exactly the same time. A dark blue one, a silver one, two maroon ones and another white one.
This is why your desires unfold in a roundabout way. If Perry had gone directly to the sporting goods store, the six trucks simultaneous experience wouldn’t have happened. But because he followed his intuition, he arrived in that spot with perfect timing so he could have this experience.
After that Perry went to TJs. Even though the store was crowded, he had an in-and-out experience. He had a wonderful conversation with the checker and even got a great parking spot in the TJ parking lot. If you ever shopped at TJs, you know how tight their parking lots are! Especially at peak times.
Now, these experiences might sound like coincidence. They might sound like no big deal. And they are, until they start happening to you regularly. This was one day in a week of such experiences. We’ll share more next time.
· · ·
Our point today is, you’re surrounded by evidence of the charmed life you live. Your cloud nine life. If you don’t experience a cloud nine life experience, it’s not because you aren’t having one. You just can’t see the evidence.
The same way Perry’s wife couldn’t see the full rabbit food bowl.
You can live with your head in the clouds. It’s not a fantastical dream. It is reality for everyone. Most don’t experience it because they believe it’s fantastical.
Modern life says, if you want something you should set a vision. Next, set goals and objectives, put them on a timeline and track your progress. If you work your ass off, struggle and get lucky, you succeed.
None of that is necessary.
Many mainstream leaders, motivational speakers and successful people encourage these steps. But you can have anything you want easier than that.
And, you don’t have lose any of your ass. 😜
The easiest way to getting anything you want is by being happy.
That sounds crazy, we know.
Most mainstream leaders, motivational speakers and successful people didn’t become successful by being happy.
They can only tell you how they did it. Theirs is the hard way.
Yet, nearly everyone tries finding success that way. Rather than trying a different, better way. Their way works. But it’s no fun. And success isn’t guaranteed.
Happiness brings success 100 percent of the time. You don’t need luck. You needn’t work hard.
You only need to know three things:
Why feeling happy works
How to use happiness and,
What the purpose of happiness is.
“There’s a purpose to happiness?”
Ask someone next to you what is the purpose of happiness. Likely they won’t have a good answer. They will say happiness is an emotion. They may say it doesn’t have a purpose. Or that happiness makes you feel good. Some will say they don’t know.
Some even steer you away from happiness.
Yet your emotional capacity is purposeful. Powerful too. Your emotional capacity is the most powerful tool you have.
Once you understand its purpose, if you make being happy your number one priority, everything you want comes quickly, easily, and in great numbers.
Some people poo-poo happiness because they don’t understand its power. We’ll explain how and why happiness is so powerful later. We’ll even show you how to use happiness to get anything you want.
But first, check out how Perry realized several dreams at once, just by being happy.
How Perry Gets What He Wants Without Goal Setting, Working Hard Or Losing His Ass
Perry fell in love with sailing three summers ago. It started with a class he took on an impulse. He loved his first time on a sail boat. The sails grabbed the wind. The wind pushed the boat over on its side as it increased speed. Invigorating!
That first experience begat a new dream. How cool would it be, he thought, exploring the world this way?
Perry had no sailing experience. Only one class. That didn’t matter though. He knew others sailing around the world today. Families, couples, even single people are doing it. Some didn’t have experience when they started either. Many taught themselves.
How hard could it be?
Besides, Perry thought, he has his Inner Being. It has access to all knowledge. It knows where everything Perry wants is. And it knows how to lead him to it.
Another question people can’t answer is what’s Earth’s purpose? Does it have a purpose? Or is it a random result of chance?
Earth exists on purpose. It’s here so you can come, refine your interests from Earth’s massive variety. Then live those interests to the fullest extent imaginable. Aided by your Broader Perspective, the universe and All That Is, your time on Earth can include any experience.
Perry knows this. So when his first sailing class finished that summer, sailing around the world became something he wanted. But he set no goals or timelines. Instead, he knew being happy would bring him what he wanted.
· · ·
Perry joined the sailing club that hosted his class. That gave him a year to practice sailing using the club’s boats. But he couldn’t sail them alone. He didn’t have enough experience.
He needed a sailing partner. It so happened he met a guy in class who also fell in love with sailing. His name was Jarrett.
When you’re happy, not only do you not have to set intentions and goals, but all resources you need literally come to you. Including people.
These people’s Broader Perspectives put them on your path because your path lines up with theirs. Your Broader Perspective and their Broader Perspective coordinate events, matching people and resources. Such nonphysical communication happens all the time. That’s how events become events.
Including events comprising your life. So long as you don’t muck up the process, your life experience is a wonderful joyride. Being happy is how you keep from mucking up the process.
· · ·
Jarrett and Perry became friends. But Jarrett didn’t have money for a club membership.
No problem, Perry thought. Jarrett could be my guest. Here’s a video Perry took with Jarrett on a club boat cruising on the beautiful Columbia River.
For the next year, Perry and Jarrett’s friendship deepened. Turns out, Jarrett shares Perry’s life convictions. He too believes people create their reality and that life is meant to be fun. Jarrett works as a contract sound engineer. Like Perry, his time is his. He doesn’t have to be at a job every day. So he has a lot of free time.
Note the combination of people and events here: Jarrett’s time flexibility afforded by his occupation; Jarrett and Perry’s mutual beliefs; Both men taking the same class, at the same time. These illustrate how thoroughly your Broader Perspective organizes events on your behalf leaving out no detail.
How hard do you think it would have been for Perry organize this on his own? Finding someone who likes to sail, who has the time to spend sailing, who can pay for the class and believes the same thing he does? That would be no small feat.
But it’s a cinch for your Broader Perspective.
This is why people who don’t understand happiness believe they must struggle, work hard and set goals. That’s what you must do when you don’t know about your Broader Perspective. You’re on your own. On your own, you don’t have the resources nor the connections. That’s why you need luck and hard work.
Comparison Contains The Seeds Of Unhappiness.
One day, three months later, Jarrett arrived with news. Out of the blue, his uncle, a successful orthopedic surgeon, gave him a sailboat. A San Juan 7.7. Jarrett’s uncle bought the boat more than 20 years ago. He never sailed it. It sat in a barn all that time.
Jarrett was excited. He didn’t know his uncle had a boat. Let alone a sail boat. Knowing what he knows, Jarrett knew this was his Broader Perspective at work. With no effort, Jarrett, who had never sailed in his life, now owned his own sail boat!
Now, Perry could have been excited too. But he wasn’t.
Outwardly he was happy for Jarrett. But inside, he was jealous.
Jarrett went on and on about his boat. About how it was equipped. Modifications his uncle added. Modifications he wanted to do. He was so excited.
Perry wasn’t excited.
He was thinking about how it must be to be white. How it must be to have a successful family. He wanted to be happy for his friend. But the more Jarrett talked about this damn boat, the less fun Perry was having. Even though it was a perfect day for sailing.
Perry was mucking up the process! How? By comparing his life to Jarrett’s!
When you compare your life to someone you perceive has it better than you, unhappiness happens. Good news is, turning comparison’s unhappiness into happiness is easy. If you catch it early, that is.
Perry felt awful thinking about Jarrett’s “white privilege”. White privilege, while real, is not something you want to think about if you’re not white. Thinking about someone’s white privilege when you’re not white guarantees unhappiness.
Even if you are white, thinking about your white privilege can cause unhappiness. That’s why most white people don’t think about it!
Perry knew this of course. What he didn’t know was everything was working out perfectly for him, and for Jarrett. There were plenty pleasant surprises ahead.
But first, things were going to get “worse”.
The world around you is your subjective life experience. Your life experience comprises a stream of one accretion event after another.
These events look like random compositions of people, circumstances, objects and experiences strung together in a certain timing. Your string of accretion events over time is your life.
Events, circumstances, people and objects in your life aren’t random. These planned events seem random. But they’re not. Who is planning them? And how are they planned?
You plan them. You do so using two simultaneous processes. One is what you look at. The other is what you think about what you look at.
Look at happy things or think happy thoughts. You’ll feel happy. What you’re looking at and thinking about organizes future accretion events matching current ones. Your life will fill with more and more happy events, people and circumstances.
Look at unhappy things or think unhappy thoughts. You won’t feel happy. What you’re looking at and thinking about organizes future accretion events matching current ones. Your life will fill with more and more events, people and circumstances like what you observe.
So, you decide what events, people, situations and circumstances become your experience. You know which ones are coming by how you feel and what you predominately look at and think about.
That’s how you create your life. No one else is doing it. You’re here to create a joyful life, filled with experiences you want to have. But nearly everyone doesn’t live that way, do they?
Why? Because they don’t know what you now know.
Instead, they live life not knowing their feelings are important. They think feelings just come and go. They think they’re responses to what happens in the world. That’s not what they are. That’s not what they’re doing. They are part of processes that create what’s in the world.
· · ·
Emotions are navigational instruments. They help create your life. Like any instrument, they give you information. The information tells you what you’re creating.
Sometimes your accretion event path includes what feels like negative events. Like feeling jealous because a white guy got a free boat, and you got nothin’. That may feel unpleasant. It may infuriate you. It may cause you to fight for justice.
But “unpleasant” is not encouraging you to fight for anything. It’s offering important navigational information.
Say you are flying an airplane one thousand feet in the air. The altimeter (pictured right), which tells you how high above the ground you are, indicates you are descending at a rate of 400 feet a minute.
That means in two minutes thirty seconds, you will crash into the ground.
That’s something you’d want to know, right? Knowing that, you’d probably do something about that. Right? Would you fight for lowering the ground or raising the sky? Of course not.
In the same way “unpleasant” is your instrument giving you actionable information. Perry knows this. He’s been practicing reading his “instrument panel”, the emotions he feels moment by moment. He understands what they mean.
Today, two and a half years after this story, he’s almost mastered acting instantly to his instruments. Experiences in this story helped Perry get where he is now.
The point is, experiences labeled “bad”, “negative”, “unfortunate”, “bad luck”, etc. are never that. They are always good. They are part of the adventure, practice opportunities.
These experiences teach how to read your instruments so you can “fly” through a life full of your best dreams, realized.
Back to Perry.
So Perry realized he was at a “you create your reality” cross roads.
On one hand, he felt opportunity. He knew he was the on the path of eventually sailing around the world. If he stayed positive, he’d have many adventures of a lifetime.
On the other hand, and at the exact same time, he felt jealous and bitter comparing his life with Jarrett’s.
But here’s the thing: this path would also culminate in many adventures of a lifetime.
Note that. Both paths leading to the same outcome. Both paths an adventure.
The only difference is the second path takes longer than the first.
Perry’s negative feelings were not because of Jarrett’s supposed White Privilege. At that moment, and many that followed, Perry “faced” both potential paths simultaneously. In that moment, the second path was more probable by the first. How could he tell? By how he felt.
In other words, Perry’s beliefs about disadvantage, “Institutional Racism”, and “White Privilege”, vied with beliefs that Perry can have anything he wants any time he is ready. He could choose any belief. At that moment, he wasn’t choosing the second.
Why? It’s simple. The first ones were more practiced, that’s all.
The more you think a thought or believe a belief, the more influence it has on future life events. The good news is, at any time a thinker or believer can change how they think or believe.
Perry’s anguish was saying: there’s a shorter path! A more fun path! It’s the happy path!
Believing you can have anything you want whenever you’re ready is empowering. Believing your life experiences are limited because of your skin color is not. Both create life experiences consistent with themselves!
Looking back Perry gets it. As we’re writing this through his fingers, he sees how beneficial that moment and the following ones were.
But like many people, most people actually, Perry didn’t make a bold, clear choice. Instead, he waffled between anguish and a measly happiness. Perry stayed in this conflicted space a long time. For months. What happened next illustrates everything you’ve read so far.
Jesus Is Right: You Reap What You Sow. But You’re Never Stuck With It.
Perry’s club membership expired. Jarrett and Perry couldn’t use the club’s boats anymore. But they weren’t worried. Jarrett told Perry once he got “Achilles I” prepped and had it in the water, they’d resume their adventure.
Imagine the mixed bag Perry felt about that!
On one hand, it was wonderful. Had Perry went with that, the next year would have been different. Instead he went with the other hand. 😜
On the other hand, Perry would get to sail, sure. But every time he set foot on “Achilles I”, he’d be reminded about….well…you know.
Then something interesting happened.
He wasn’t abducted. He wasn’t murdered. Perry didn’t now what happened. For the next eight months, Perry tried to reach Jarrett. Summer came and went. So did prime sailing weather. He left Jarrett text messages, emails.
Nothing. Of course, Perry thought the worst.
He made Jarrett’s lack of communication about him and Jarrett. He thought Jarrett had used him and his membership to sharpen his sailing skills. Now that he had his own boat, he didn’t need Perry any more. 🙄 🤷🏽♂️
He imagined Jarrett sailing with his friends. His white friends. He imagined that boat being amazing and he being left out. And, as you can imagine, this thinking left him in emotional turmoil.
Here’s what was really going on: Perry’s negative thinking orchestrated accretion events matching the negative thinking. But only for Perry. Jarrett absent for who knows why. Perry in the dumps. No membership meant no boats. No Jarrett also meant no boat. No boat meant no sailing.
After many months, Perry finally did something about his thoughts and beliefs. Using this process he relieved himself of negative thoughts and beliefs about “White Privilege”. The more insignificant they became, the more clarity he gained.
He also gave up criticizing and feeling sorry for himself. He did journal work examining more thoughts and beliefs. In a little while he remembered everything is always working out for him. And he knew in time all this was going to turn out perfectly.
That’s exactly what happened.
One day Jarrett texted. Turns out his dad had a stroke and needed a lot of care. His family needed his help. His dad survived. But he wasn’t the same.
Perry felt like a cad. Remember what we wrote about emotions! They are indicators, like an altimeter. “Feeling like a cad” is an indicator. That’s all. It was telling Perry he could feel differently about things. He only needed to think different.
· · ·
Your Broader Perspective has a bird’s eye view of your life. It knows everything you want and how to get it. It knows there are many paths to what you want.
You don’t have this perspective. You’re human. But you can access your Broader Perspective’s viewpoint. How do you know you’ve done that?
When you feel happy. Happy is the indicator.
Here’s what was great about Jarrett “disappearing”: It gave Perry time revise old disempowering beliefs. Beliefs that slow progress or lengthen the path.
Remember! You can’t live happily if you’re comparing, complaining or entertaining beliefs like “White Privilege” and “Institutional Racism”.
Yet, these things are real. But do they serve you thinking about them? Are you happy thinking about them? No one is. And if you’re not happy, you’re taking the long way. Like Perry was.
So Perry and Jarrett reconnected. Jarrett said Achilles I was at a boat yard. He invited Perry to see it. What happened next was perfect.
The Grass LOOKS Greener But It Never Really Is
We did write that the boat was free, right?
Free and over 20 years old.
Achilles I wasn’t a ready-to-sail beauty. It needed a lot of work. When Perry saw it, he immediately felt better. He was also glad he was not in Jarrett’s shoes. Achilles I’s sails housed mice for 20 years. They were chewed through, pissed on and pooped on. There were holes and repairs needed in the fiberglass hull. The electronics were kaput. Even the engine needed work.
Look at all that dirt and debris! (Photo by Jarrett)
Looking from the bow of Achilles I in the barn. Note how dirty the sail is. (Photo by Jarrett)
From the cockpit looking forward. Note how much dust covered Achilles I decks. It was going to take a lot of work! (Photo by Jarrett)
Looking in the cockpit. The ropes were sitting for decades! (Photo by Jarrett)
Achilles I stern. More work than Perry would have wanted. (Photo by Jarrett)
Getting this boat for free seemed like an envy worthy event. Seeing it in person, Perry saw it much different. He had no responsibility, expense or worry about getting Achilles I ready to sail. But he still got to sail in it.
Jarrett tore apart the engine and overhauled a lot of it. (Photo by Jarrett)
Most of Achilles I’s wiring needed redoing. (Photo by Jarrett)
The front side of Achilles I’s engine taken apart for overhaul. (Photo by Jarrett)
Before…(Photo by Jarrett)
…After (Photo by Jarrett)
Revarnishing the “tiller” what the helmsman uses to steer. (Photo by Jarrett)
One day in the boat yard Perry confessed how he’d been thinking about all this. “It’s ok buddy,” Jarrett said. “I want you to sail with me. I can do the repair work. You’re the only one I know who knows how to sail!”
What a nice ending to the story. Only that wasn’t the end. It got so much better!
Your Broader Perspective Knows “How” Better Than You
Meanwhile his Broader Perspective orchestrated other events. Perry focused being positive about his sailing partner’s good fortune. He busied himself with sailing videos. He visited sailing stores, and read about yachts online. These activities inspired him. They also put him and his Broader Perspective in tune. That made what happened next.
Perry followed an impulse and called a yacht broker. Why not talk with someone who might sell him a boat one day, he thought. Upon hearing his story, the broker offered good advice.
“You might want to find someone willing to take you out on the open ocean,” He said. The broker recommended someone offering such services. But it cost over $4,000 a trip!
Perry wasn’t interested in that.
Meanwhile, Jarrett readied Achilles I. He planned to tow it to a boat ramp, get it in the water, then motor it the last mile into its new home at the local marina.
He needed crew. He called Perry.
What an adventure (in not a good way)! The boat did float. That’s about all. It had no navigation lights. No radio. Not even any sails!
Jarrett arrived at the ramp by 1 p.m. By five, Achilles I still wasn’t in the water. The problem? Hoisting the mast. Once they did that, they put Achilles I in.
But the battery couldn’t start the engine. Jarrett’s parents helped McGuyver the motor running just as it was getting dark. Legally, they should have had navigation lights. Jarrett figured with the motor running, they’d cover the mile before sun down.
Two thirds of the way, the motor quit. Darkness fell a long time ago. No navigation lights. No radio. No motor. No problem. They remembered a tow service emergency number stored in their phones.
Ninety minutes later, they were in the marina. The towboat captain said they were lucky they called. Even with the motor working, had they headed into the marina on their own, odds were they would have run aground.
Did we say everything is always working out?
· · ·
A week later, Perry remembered a website talked about at class. There, people who have sail boats but no crew, and people without boats but wanting to sail could meet online. If the chemistry worked out, the yacht owner could invite the other person to sail on his yacht as crew. Perry found the site and signed up. Three weeks later, he got a call.
The guy introduced himself as Mike. He didn’t own a yacht. He did have an offer Perry couldn’t refuse. Mike told Perry he’s been on the open ocean for more than 50 years. He’s been all over the world. He told Perry he has captained nearly every kind of pleasure boat, and many commercial boats.
Mike said he owned a business moving boats around the world. He was looking for people wanting open ocean experience. You don’t need any experience, he said. In fact, it’s better if you don’t. Mike said his teams moved boats owners either didn’t have time or expertise to do it themselves.
Perry asked Mike how much it would cost him.
“Nothing,” Mike said. “I pay all your expense. You just help me move the boat.”
Captain Mike looking at instruments at the helm while Curt, a crew member steers the boat. (Photo by the author)
Consider this: Perry didn’t know Mike. He didn’t know people do what Mike does. Perry didn’t know a guy like Mike lived not 20 miles from Perry. Perry didn’t know Mike was looking for crew.
When your Broader Perspective organizes events in your life, it works with other people’s Broader Perspectives. Your Broader Perspective has your best interests in mind. Other people’s Broader Perspectives have your interests in mind too. And vice versa.
So when a person shows up in your life, they agreed, through their Broader Perspective, to be there. In being there, they get what they are wanting. Even as you get what you want. Everyone in any situation gets the same thing: what they want. There are no exceptions to this.
That’s how we know everything is always working out. Life is a massive collective orchestration. It’s happening between billions of Broader Perspectives. Together they coordinate innumerable events, which become life on earth.
Mike was looking for unusual people. People interested in being on the open ocean. People who had time for that. People willing to do it for no pay. People who were passionate about it and willing to not just endure but enjoy it.
In return, Mike promised adventure. He promised his crew would learn all there is to know about the open ocean. Navigation, anchoring, safety, hazards…the works.
In other words, exactly what Perry wanted.
It was a perfect fit.
Perry’s first trip was amazing. Mike, and Perry, Jay and Curt two other volunteers, gathered at the Port of Ilwaco, Washington. Their voyage: take the “Mabel J”, a 44-foot TolleyCraft, north over 300 miles to Olympia, Washington.
This being his first trip, Perry mostly watched and took pictures. It was a pleasure cruise on a calm sea, which put an ear-to-ear grin on Perry’s face.
Every fulfilled desire contains seeds of new desires. No matter how fulfilling something is, amidst fulfillment exists desire for more. People ask “how does eternity work? Where does it come from?”
The answer is, through desire-fulfillment. New desires are born out of every fulfilled one. Life, eternal life, gets created from new desires born from within fulfilled ones.
Case in point: Perry’s first trip. It got him on the open ocean. The weather was perfect. The trip was easy, leaving lots of time for relaxation. Not more than he could handle. Just enough.
But “Mabel J” was a motor boat. Not a sail boat. The boat was old too. Engine exhaust wafted through cabins, sinking into everyone’s clothes. Everyone breathed diesel fumes the whole trip.
Straight out of the 70s baby! Mabel J’s main salon (Photo by the author)
Mabel J’s galley. (Photo by the author)
The dining area aboard Mabel J. (Photo by the author)
The double berth aboard Mabel J
The author’s ample “owner’s cabin”. It was right above the two CAT engines, so Perry got all the fumes he could handle. And then some! (Photo by the author)
Perry’s poop place. (Photo by the author)
And his hand washing station. ((Photo by the author)
As far as captains go, Mike was stoic but fair. In stressful times, though he was harsh. Everyone aboard respected Mike. After all, he alone was responsible for the owner’s boat. Boats typically costing tens if not many hundreds of thousands of dollars. As captain, his crew is his responsibility too.
So he made sure everyone knew where they stood relative to his authority.
Perry didn’t like this. He prefers being his own ship’s captain. Literally and figuratively.
So here he was, getting to test himself on the open ocean. That fulfilled desire birthed more desire: Sailing his own yacht. Moving by wind, not motor. Sailing in greater luxury. Sailing on his own.
Perry’s Broader Perspective immediately realized all these desires. They would soon become Perry’s reality too. So long as Perry stayed positively focused.
So he ignored what was complaint-worthy. Instead, he put his thoughts on the voyage’s positive aspects. There were many.
For example, cruising into the Puget Sound early one morning, they had over twenty Orca sightings. That night at dinner, Perry learned people come from all over the US to see Orcas in Puget Sound. They pay hundreds to do so. But most see nothing. Not a single whale.
Perry also saw seals, sea lions and dolphin. Minke and Humpback whales too.
One of more than a dozen Orcas seen on the author’s voyage (Photo by the author)
Sea lions basking off the Washington coast. (Photo by the author)
Seattle’s skyline takes on a whole different look from the water. (Photo by the author)
Another Orca spotted in the Puget Sound. (Photo by the author)
Beautiful lighting showed up everywhere. (Photo by the author)
Top that voyage!
Broader Perspective: “Hold my beer!”
Remember, your Broader Perspective has access to infinite possibilities. Perry’s was only getting started!
Days after that trip, Mike called again. He had another assignment. Move a boat from Oxnard, California up to Puget Sound. Mike explained this was a 44-foot Mason sail boat from the mid 80s. Named “Eclipse” it’s fully equipped, ready for ocean voyages, he said. Mason 44s are well-respected and regarded open ocean sail boats. Many sailors covet them.
Mike thought it would take at least a week or two, to move her. A lot depended on the weather, which was getting worse by the day. Assignments usually diminish in winter. But the owner hoped “Eclipse” could make it north before winter storm season hit.
Mike explained the risks. He was optimistic they’d at least make it halfway. Perry was in. He was excited! In less than a month, he went from no opportunity, to nearly every opportunity.
The Perfect Ocean Adventure Opens Perry’s Eyes
The crew took Amtrak south to Oxnard.
Mike first reserved business class for himself, coach class for his crew. Perry asked if he could pay the extra $50 for business class. Business class is more comfortable. Mike said it wasn’t. Prior to departure, Mike changed his mind. To the crew’s surprise and pleasure everyone had business-class tickets. The business car was quieter and more comfortable.
Rail travel was an adventure in itself. Perry was born in California. Traveling by rail afforded many stops in towns reminiscent of home, including Davis, San Jose, San Luis Obispo and Van Nuys. They served surprisingly good food in the dining car, which Perry enjoyed. He also met and talked with many people who had great stories. There was plenty time too to relax and read and watch California’s desert scenery.
It was a literal vacation. And another desire fulfilled: Perry always wanted to travel through California by rail.
Three days later they arrived at the Marina in Oxnard late that night. They put their gear aboard “Eclipse”, then slept the first night on the boat.
The next morning, Perry explored “Eclipse” in daylight. Its blue hull shined in the California sun. Her hull contrasted nicely with its white and grey decks and golden varnished wood accents. As advertised, “Eclipse” had all kinds of equipped, including an autopilot. Autopilot meant the boat could hold its own course, making hand-steering infrequent. A nice luxury.
Eclipse from the bow. Note the beautiful hull paint, etched stripe and golden varnished wood. (Photo by the author)
Eclipse from the stern as crew member Jay fills the tanks. (Photo by the author)
Decks of Eclipse starboard side. Plenty of equipment for ocean passages. (Photo by the author)
Decks of Eclipse port side. She had more than enough equipment for the journey. (Photo by the author)
View of Eclipse’s cockpit and stern. (Photo by the author)
“How fun it’s going be!” Perry thought. Then he thought about “Mabel J”. Would this trip be better? He counted on it.
And it was.
Mike, a master weather navigator, threaded needles between storm fronts. When that wasn’t possible, they waited out storms in safe anchorages.
As we said before, every fulfilled dream contains seeds of more desire. Living aboard “Eclipse” was not the dream experience Perry imagined. Modern sail boats look like Manhattan Apartments on the inside. They’re beautiful, with their light colors, lots of windows and amenities like microwaves, TVs, washing machines and more.
This boat’s traditional mariner interior was no doubt beautiful…to some people. To Perry’s champagne tastes, it was worn, cramped, dark. The bathroom was filthy. It reeked of old piss. At anchor, the boat rocked constantly. Its water and fuel tanks sloshed so loud, it was hard to sleep. Sleeping aboard was uncomfortable. Far more uncomfortable than sleeping aboard “Mabel J”. Especially with four other people on a boat really built to accommodate three max. Had Perry not been exhausted each night, sleeping would have been impossible.
Worse, still, Perry got seasick. A lot. The sea was rough most the way. While admiring the view, or standing at the helm, he was fine. The moment he focused on a task – raising a sail, coiling a rope, even taking off his rain gear below – he got sea sick.
Then one night, mid way through, Mike made a calculation error. Winds were stronger than expected. Ocean swells were higher than expected too. Then it got dark. Twenty-five knot winds blew “Eclipse” in circles despite the crew’s best efforts to keep her on course.
A sail jammed. Motoring now, all hands kept watch. Making matters more hairy, crab season started the same week. Commercial fishermen laid hundreds of crab pots along their course. Darkness made seeing their floating buoys near-impossible. Running over one put the pot’s line inline with the boat’s propeller. If the prop got jammed with rope…
Perry didn’t want to think about that.
Usually, Mike stayed below, monitoring charts and catching shut-eye in case an emergency commanded his attention. Not tonight. Over the next three hours, Mike, who is probably near 80, stood at the front of the cockpit, peering through a tiny night vision scope yelling commands to Perry at the helm.
“Hard right now! now! now!”
“Left, left, left, now!!!”
As we’re writing this through Perry’s fingers, he’s smiling. It was something to smile about…after it was over. That night though, no one was laughing. Especially Mike.
Finally, Mike had enough of Perry’s novice steering skills. He called Oneonta to replace him. After a few moments though she was relieved. Jay, the senior crew member, took over. But even he had trouble. Mike was beyond stressed. But Jay, having three trips with Mike under his belt, took it in stride.
It was a harrowing experience right until they pulled into safe harbor around 2 a.m. The physical and psychological strain took its toll on everyone. Especially Mike. Once tied to the dock, he collapsed against the cabin, clearly wiped out.
So was everyone else. Next morning, Mike decreed there’d be no more sailing through the night.
· · ·
The weather picture up north cut the trip short. They left “Eclipse” in Crescent City, California. Perry was glad to be on land again after five days at sea and 10 days away from home. He was exhausted. He never wanted to see “Eclipse” again.
On their six-hour drive back to Portland, he remembered what Jay suggested that dangerous night.
“I think you might want to rethink being on the open ocean,” Jay said.
Sound advice, Perry thought.
Perry got what he wanted. He also learned something. Maybe, he thought, he isn’t fit for the open ocean. That lesson cost him nothing. He had a (mostly) great time.
More important, he saved a lot of money. He prepared to spend millions on his dream yacht.
Did this mean the end of his sailing adventure?
Nope. Every fulfilled desire sows seeds of more desires.
Before leaving “Eclipse” Perry talked with Mike about his seasickness. Mike said most people get over seasickness. Mike said doctors don’t really know very much about why seasickness happens. In his 50 years on the world’s oceans, with dozens of different people, Mike thinks it’s caused by stress. Not ocean conditions.
On Perry’s first open ocean trip, he didn’t get seasick. The second where there was far more stress and danger. Seasick a-plenty.
Who knows? Maybe Mike is right.
· · ·
Months later, Perry thought about that conversation. He thought about how stressful it was crewing for Mike. He thought about how uncomfortable it felt being out of his element. On the open ocean for the second time, first time on a sail boat. He wondered how much being on a boat owned by someone else made it more stressful. He thought how serving under an authority added more stress. He thought about that harrowing night. That alone was stressful!
The more he thought about this, the more he realized this adventure might not be over. He needed more experience. Under different, less stressful conditions. Like Hawaii maybe. 😀🏝
You never reach the end of anything. Life is eternal. Its eternity springs from your desires. Everyone has endless desires. Today Perry attends to his companies, following impulses from his Broader Perspective. His main goal in life is being happy. He knows what happiness means. Being happy lets him know his path will consistently yield happy experiences.
Everything you do in the end is about being happy. People usually do things they think will “make them happy”. Perry figured out life works best the other way around. Being happy first IS being happy. From there you can’t help having experiences matched to that.
We wrote a great piece about how to use happiness the way it’s intended. It’s easy. It results come in seconds. (HT – Abraham-Hicks)
You now know what modern life, motivational speakers and “successful people” don’t. You don’t have to set an intention, make goals and objectives, put them on a timeline, track your progress, and then work your ass off.
You can keep your ass and be successful. Just be happy first. Then watch what happens.
Trusting your intuition promises an extraordinary life.
That’s because your intuition knows how to lead you effortlessly to everything you’re wanting. When your intuition delivers what you’re wanting, everyone else gets what they’re wanting too.
In this post, we’re going to describe how to develop trust in your intuition, so you too can get everything you want. And be extraordinarily happy in the process. We’ll do that by telling the true story of how Perry got an open relationship in his marriage. Even though his wife didn’t want one. At first.
Perry got this (and a happy marriage) by trusting his intuition. Not by sneaking around, or trying to have a direct conversation with his wife about what he wanted.
Everything you’re wanting, everyone else wants too. Because when you get what you want, so does everyone else. That is, if you let your intuition give it to you, instead of trying to do it yourself.
Trust: It’s Built On Proof Of Trustworthiness
Someone we respected at the time had smart words about whether a person is worthy of your trust.
“Trust is consistent performance over time,” they said. Meaning, a person’s behavior over time demonstrates their trustworthiness. Not their say-so or their promises.
Same is true with your intuition. If you let it, your intuition will prove its trustworthiness over time. As your trust increases, your intuition’s demonstrations grow more dependable and noteworthy.
Before long, you’re living an extraordinary life.
Having trust is crucial. Whether you trust it or not, your intuition is accurate 100 percent of the time. That means whatever you’re wanting, your intuition knows how you can have it. And it can lead you to it.
Making your dreams happen without your intuition’s help is hard. And no fun. It takes longer and you sacrifice more. When making dreams happen you miss out on wonderful synchronicities. Synchronicities allowing you to get what you want while allowing others what they want.
That’s the delightful path. The other path makes you bitter, frustrated and defensive about any success you’ve eeked out.
Learning to trust is a never-ending, always evolving and a “getting better all the time” process. The more you trust your intuition, the more consistent evidence you receive. Before long, results you produce are obvious and consistent. It becomes difficult to remember a time when you didn’t trust it.
When you are wishy-washy about how your intuition works, you get wishy-washy results. Let’s say you think or believe intuition is at best random and or at worst some kind of force acting against you. In that case, you’re going to get results consistent with those beliefs.
Science and other well-meaning perspectives at best caution following intuiton. Harvard Business Review, for example, puts it plain: Don’t Trust Your Gut. “Intuition is a fickle and undependable guide—it is as likely to lead to disaster as to success.” the article cautions. On the other hand, the World Economic Forum (WEF) suggests it’s more complicated than that. WEF says intuition can be trusted, but works better when balanced with understanding how it works.
The problem is, both organizations, and science in general, say intuition is a brain mechanism. In defining it that way, they have missed the mark. Intuition comes from beyond the brain. By calming brain activity, through meditation for example, one discovers a deeper source of knowledge and awareness, one that can be trusted: One’s broader perspective.
Broader perspective is intuition. It is reliable, but you have to learn how to hear it. And, it functions in a particular way. Through it you create reality. If you believe your intuition is a random voice in your head, it will give you guidance consistent with that.
Intuition fulfills what you believe.
So how do you develop trust in your intuition? Become sensitive enough to tell the difference between it and not it. Then follow its guidance. Generally, you become sensitive by testing.
But here’s the thing: you can’t test and be invested in the outcome. Especially if your investment is contrary to what you’re wanting.
· · ·
Let’s say you want a million dollars, but you don’t believe you can get a million dollars. Your intuition is going to lead you to what you believe: not getting the money.
So start with things you don’t have an investment in. Start with something simple. Something you believe you can have. A choice parking spot or meeting a friend “coincidentally” for example. These are light, fun outcomes to start with.
Unless you think those things are “just coincidence”. If that’s you, you have to start with a different test. Something not tainted by your I-already-know-this awareness.
No matter what you use to test your intuition, early on, some outcomes will always be “false”. But even “false” outcomes are teaching moments. So they’re actually “true”. It’s important you understand this.
For example, you might treat the process too seriously. Making it a serious process creates too much resistance. Your intuition is sending you spot-on guidance. But you can’t receive it because, in your seriousness, you’re blocking the receiving. How that works is explainable but would make this already long piece longer. Just know one reason for a “false” outcome could be you’re being too serious about the results.
Being too serious leads to confusing results. Especially if you aren’t aware of what’s happening. You’ll get results. But they will be “false”. So you’ll think the process isn’t working. But these results show the process working. They’re trying tell you: you’re doing something that’s blocking getting what you want.
“False” results also allow you to see old beliefs that are contrary to what you want. “Intuition is BS” or “Is this coincidence?”, or “I can’t do this” are examples of such beliefs. Recognizing these thoughts and beliefs are part of the trust-development path. How can you do something about them, if you’re unaware of them?
So every result you get is “positive”. It leads you to the result you’re wanting, or, it’s highlights something preventing results you want. Can you see how “false” results would then be “true” even though they are “false”?
Recapping: trusting intuition requires knowing what you want. It requires knowing what you want is possible and being light about its arrival. Knowing “false” results are actually, not “false” is also crucial.
Letting Intuition Do The Work
Perry’s life stories show how he gets what he wants by following his intuition. We’ve recently shared stories of his wife doing the same.
We’ll continue sharing these stories because we know real life stories are better than theory. But your real life experience is an even better teacher. It’s easy to dismiss Perry’s experiences as coincidence. Or as a cool thing that happened to him. It’s another thing when it happens to you.
Even so, here’s how Perry’s trust in his intuition got him what he wanted. With little effort on his part.
This isn’t a process to get what you’re wanting at the expense of another person. No one on the planet is being “used” by another. It doesn’t work that way.
How it does work is, while you get what you’re wanting, others get what they’re wanting too. The world (and the All That Is) is large enough to give everyone what they’re wanting at the same time. Even if what you’re wanting is something another doesn’t.
Perry and Bridget have been together for five years now. Perry didn’t marry Bridget for the reasons most people do. He knew his path lies in being free to explore all relationships which come his way. We know, this doesn’t sit well for many people in today’s society. Especially in the US. Old erroneous beliefs about human life still shape many cultures. Questions of “ethics” “morality” and “propriety” dictate people’s perspective.
Perry knows one relationship can’t meet everything a person is wanting. Society’s encouragement of “death do us part” isn’t about a wholesome vow of love and commitment. It’s about insecure people trying to control other people’s behavior. So they feel less insecure. But that’s another story.
So we understand if you disagree with the “open marriage” part of this story. Think about it as “something someone wants, but is afraid to get it. If they did, someone dear to them would be angry if they got it”, ok?
Perry married his wife because he knew it was the best thing for his wife at the time. He knew giving that to his wife required putting some things on hold. He also knew exploring relationship alongside Bridget would bring “more” to him. Bridget would benefit too.
But when they tied the knot, they agreed their vows would not be “until death do us part”. Instead, their vows ended with “for now”. Meaning “let’s see how this goes day by day, with no real long-term commitment about anything.”
At first, Bridget wasn’t too excited about that.
Throughout these five years, many people have come into Perry’s life experience. Not all those potential relationships had to do with sex or intimacy. Many did though.
Perry didn’t act on these opportunities. He was too focused on his relationship, his projects and spiritual growth.
Bridget too was learning a lot too. She had a lot of disempowering beliefs. Beliefs that were operating under her conscious awareness. They were shaping her behavior and dictating her life experiences. Many of these beliefs did not make Bridget an ideal partner. A lot of them she inherited from her relatives and past relationships.
These realizations weren’t always eye-opening, positive and wonderful experiences. Many surfaced in ugly, angry fights. Fights over small things. Which became big things when these little things triggered her old beliefs.
One day a new guy friend asked Perry about his marriage. He couldn’t understand how Perry could be transamorous and yet married to a woman who isn’t transgender. A lot of people don’t understand this.
Perry described his marriage, including the “for now” clause. He also shared his desire for an “open” kind of relationship. For now, he said, he was working with Bridget in a mutually beneficial relationship. One where Bridget’s desire for monogamy, born out of her personal insecurities, took priority.
His friend said “you should introduce Bridget to someone she might want to be with. That would allow her to open up to you doing the same.”
It was logical advice. But it felt like manipulation to Perry. And he was right. It’s what anyone who doesn’t trust their intuition would do: try to control circumstances to get what they want. Including living a double-life behind their partner’s back.
Perry is not like that. Instead, he let his intuition do the work. Not was it better than being sneaky or conniving, it was more fun. What happened over the next two years proved that.
· · ·
For reasons too many to go into, Bridget has been an insecure person most of her life. She learned to manage that insecurity by controlling other people and circumstances. Control to an extreme degree. Knowing this, Perry couldn’t have a rational, productive conversation about an open marriage. He brought it up a couple of times. But even in counseling it sparked a firestorm.
So, instead of talking about it, Perry acted as if he already had one.
Now hold up. It’s not what you think.
He thought about what it would be like having an open relationship. He even explained to others that he was in one. But he never behaved in a way contrary to his commitment to his wife.
He would, for example, tell people how free it was to be in an open relationship. He would add, that neither he nor Bridget actually acted on the freedom. They didn’t need to, he said. Just knowing that was available freed both of them from the pressure of monogamy. In being free, he said, they didn’t have to act.
Being free was the key.
In other words, Perry thought and related to others as if he already had what he wanted. He didn’t act on it. Even when he had opportunity to. Why? He was too busy with his life, his projects, his spiritual path. So there was no inconsistency between his behavior and his marriage in terms of intimate behavior. Just in his words and thoughts (beliefs).
That’s when interesting things started happening.
Providence aka Intuition, All That Is and the Universe Step In
Bridget already had at least one friend who was in a polyamorous relationship. But more people started showing up in her life in them too. Her new friend Claire was in a relationship with a guy who was unwilling to be monogamous. Claire struggled with the idea. And with insecurities she felt around her partner being with other women. She talked a lot about it with Bridget. In time, Claire started seeing other guys, as she became more comfortable with it. She actually started enjoying it!
Of course, all this she shared with Bridget as girlfriends are wont to do.
Then Bridget’s best friend started talking about being in an open relationship. We’ll call her Nancy.
Perry and Nancy had a private conversation about all this one day. Nancy knew Perry was producing remarkable results in his life. Including changes in his relationship with Bridget. Changes that were causing Bridget to change too, which Nancy noticed and appreciated.
So she wanted some advice.
Nancy is married. Like a lot of marriages, Nancy’s marriage is touch and go. Sometimes when one of the two wants to touch, the other wants to go! Neither Nancy or her husband thought they were getting what they wanted. Like Bridget, both were insecure. Their marriage reflected all that insecurity. It was not satisfying for either party.
After talking with Perry, Nancy began her own positively focused lifestyle. This changed her. With the changes, her husband became more insecure. Long story short, Nancy and her husband eventually opened their marriage. Turned out her husband already was seeing someone else.
Today, they’re still sorting out the details. Both are dating other people. Nancy dates a few men, finding great satisfaction and empowerment in that.
Witnessing her friends’ experiences effected Bridget’s insecurities and fears. As friends shared their enjoyment, her fears and insecurities started going away.
Meanwhile, Perry reconnected with an old flame, who is transgender. This person agreed to do a photo shoot with Perry. There was nothing inappropriate going on between Perry and this person. But the energy between them was obvious.
Perry told Bridget about this person, including showing Bridget a picture of her. Bridget said she was beautiful. There was not an ounce of insecurity in her voice or demeanor.
Perry noticed this. But said nothing about it.
In the past, Bridget would have given Perry the third degree about the photo shoot meeting. She’d joke (not so jokingly) about his “date”. Or she would tease him (with a tinge of sarcasm) about his “new girlfriend” he would be “spending the day with.” But this time, she was easy about his plans.
No sarcasm. No jokes.
Was Perry surprised by these changes? Nope. He knew his broader perspective was orchestrating events not only in Bridget’s life. But also the lives of her friends’ and their relationships. Everyone was getting what they want. Including Perry.
Four months later, Perry scheduled a meeting with this transgender person about another photo shoot. Bridget knew about the meeting.
The day of the meeting, as Perry was getting ready to go, Bridget walked up to him.
“Have a great time,” she said. She meant it too. “Feel free to do whatever pleases you dear. I love you.”
What she meant was, Perry was free to have an intimate experience with his friend, if that’s what he wanted to do. In other words, Perry and Bridget had just walked into an open relationship.
Of course, Perry felt this coming. He saw the signs leading up to it. Bridget’s friend, her neighbor, her best friend’s experiences eased Bridget’s concerns. So Perry didn’t have to have some tense, uncomfortable conversation. Instead, he found himself one day in exactly what he wanted with a loving and supportive partner to boot.
Since then, Bridget has made extraordinary progress in her own positively focused lifestyle. She’s turning into a different person than who Perry first met. Perry has too. So has Nancy. Bridget has even explored with her own dalliance. With Perry’s blessings.
When you learn to trust and follow your intuition, not only does your life benefit. So do the lives of those around you. You get what you want, with little effort on your part. All this is available when you are positively focused.
How To Let Your Intuition Convince You
Perry has been doing this positively focused lifestyle for a while. Starting to learn to trust your intuition? Don’t start with opening your relationship.
Start with small things.
Before Perry’s story we were talking about “false” outcomes being as important as “true” results. Both offer valuable insights. What insights do “true” results offer? Clues showing you how intuition works so you can trust it.
Let’s say you’re using your intuition to guide you to a parking spot. You lightly set your intention. When you get where you’re going, you envision an open parking spot near your destination will be waiting.
Then you get ready to go. You’re positively focused, paying attention to all the great things about your life. Maybe you’ve practiced this process for several weeks. So you’re in a really good mood, and have been for a while.
So when you arrive, not only is there a parking spot. You have “rock star” parking: the parking space right in front of the store. Elation!
What proof! You recognize the co-incidence of your intent and the realization of it.
You arrive and you don’t get a space. It’s crowded and it takes you a while to park.
Either way, what happens next is important.
You want to note what happened. You also want to note how you felt through the process. Get your journal ready and answer these questions:
How was I feeling right before I acted? Positive? Ornery? Frustrated? Calm?
Did I feel anything about my intention? Optimistic? Eager? Positive? Or doubtful, worried, silly, embarrassed or disbelieving?
Did I get any kind of confirmation that I would fulfill this intention? Was there a shiver in the spine or goosebumps at any point along the way?
How was the “intensity” of the confirmation (if one was received)? Was it light and passing? Or was it a feeling that wouldn’t end? Did it (the intensity) remain steady? Or did it increase over time?
If I did receive confirmation, was there a difference in how it felt? For example, was it more a feeling and less of “words in my head” or vice versa?
Where was the feeling? Was it “high” in my head? Or was it “deep” in my head? Or was it in my stomach? Or was it all over?
With these questions, you can start pinpointing what the process feels like along the way. With practice, you learn the language your intuition speaks.
What if you’re experiencing negative emotion like frustration?
Frustration, disbelief, or any other negative emotions are positive. They tell you there are beliefs you hold working against you. If you didn’t feel them, how would you know you had such beliefs?
So negative emotions aren’t what people think they are. In every case, they are helpful. They tell you whether you’re 100 percent on track with your intention. Or not.
So when you feel a negative emotion, you want to examine your beliefs. There will be a thought in your head expressing the belief. “This is all bullshit” is a thought telling you you have a belief that goes “this doesn’t work” or “I don’t believe this”. It sometimes is accompanied by anger, indignation, feeling critical, impatient, belligerent, or judgmental.
Embarrassment or shame is something a person might feel when trying something for the first time. Embarrassment shows you believe other people’s opinions about what you’re doing are more important than getting what you want.
When you identify the belief, write it down.
Then use this process to soothe that belief over time. Your beliefs determine what you get. So negative emotion is a gift: it points to beliefs preventing you from getting what you want. Remember, intuition leads you to what you believe. Not what you want.
Let’s say you didn’t get the parking spot, and you don’t have a negative feeling. The “false” result offers insight to other potential sticking points. One may be something you’re doing (or not doing) that the “false” outcome is pointing to.
As we said before, you might be too invested in the outcome. You might be putting forth too much effort (action). Or, you might not have refined your intuitional listening.
For example, in a particular exercise Perry is doing these days, he gets four choices. Only one of them is “true”. The exercise helps refine his intuitional listening. Here’s a picture of the exercise platform with one of his test outcomes.
Sometimes, during this game, he will feel two communications offering two different choices simultaneously. Sometimes both are “true”. One being “true” now…the next being “true” in the next trial. Here intuition is sending answers to two different trials.* It feels like mixed messages. But it’s actually two messages delivered at the same time.
Your intuition operates outside of time and space. It’s sending you information all the time. Your job is learn to cull what you’re wanting from the constant information stream.
Humans are used to linear time. Learning to trust intuition means unlearning one’s familiarity with that. And the idea that everything happens in a single file, one-moment-after-another process.
“False” outcomes also help ease your focuse on results, causing you to enjoy the journey more. The outcome is not the goal: the connection to your inner knowing is. That’s the goal. Not the outcome.
(We needed to repeat that because it’s really, really important).
Relaxing into the journey is the goal. Not the outcome.
The cool thing is, when you’re focused on the real goal, the happy side effects (“true” results) come easily. And delightfully.
Like Perry’s open relationship.
Get good at hearing your intuition. Master focusing on the connection between you and you, which is the “true” result you’re wanting. Then more and more evidence, i.e. “true” outcomes, will pile up.
One day you’ll realize you are trusting your intuition. Because evidence in your life experience is so plentiful you can’t help but trust. Then you’re on your way.
A key habit leading to all someone could possibly want, aka a dream life, aka all one could love, is the ability to hear, then immediately follow one’s intuition.
Develop this habit. You will, without fail, live an effortless life.
Intuition gets a bad rap. That’s because you usually can’t distinguish it from random voices born of sloppy thinking.
Given too much attention these voices mask one’s “still quiet voice”. One’s unerring intuition.
Intuition is unerring.
It always leads you to what you’re wanting.
A example from Perry’s life some time ago illustrates.
· · ·
One day Perry wanted to meet people eligible for a project. He wanted to meet positive, conversational, open and kind people. People unafraid of talk with strangers.
That’s how much he prepared. He thought casually about who he wanted to meet, then let the thoughts go. His daily habit framework practice of tuning into his intuition already produced enough evidence indicating trust in the process works. Results he wanted already happened in the timeless, spaceless “moment of becoming”.
Now it was time to rendezvous with his desire.
One morning, after documenting dreams for later examination, he prepped for a trip to the optometrist. Be broke his glasses a few days ago. They needed fixing.
Perry’s intuition first told him to go straight to the place he bought his glasses. It is about seven miles away. He had success with repairs before there. As he was about to leave, he got another intuitive message. It said go to this eyeglass place near his house.
Your intuition will rarely give you straight-line instructions. Leading you directly to what you want is never fun. A meandering path is more fun. That’s because on the way to what you’re wanting, your intuition shows you things you’ve forgotten you asked for. There are a lot of those things.
Often a person thinks their intuition errs when they follow it and don’t get what they want. Two things are happening when that happens. One, the person isn’t aware they are getting more than just the thing they want. So they think the journey’s a waste. Second, the lack of awareness causes them to quit too soon. They don’t follow their intuitional cues far enough. So they don’t get to the “big surprise” that is receiving what they want.
Perry knows following his cues to the end is key.
How do you know when you’ve gotten to the end? If you haven’t gotten what you want, you aren’t there.
· · ·
Other people’s desires and opportunities are part of the mix too. You are co-creating physical reality with everything else in it. Perry knows this too.
So it was no surprise when, the very next moment after receiving an intuition to go to the shop nearby, his wife said, “Aren’t you going to go to [the eyeglass] shop right by our house before you drive all that way to [the other repair shop]?”
Perry took what his wife was saying as confirmation of his intuition’s instructions. He drove to the nearby shop.
It was closed.
Perry took a picture to send to his wife. Often Bridget will make a suggestion that is not very helpful. She means well. But she also harbors a belief that people need her. She gets a lot of self-worth from that belief.
The problem is, often she acts from that belief, giving suggestions that are unhelpful. She’d be better off letting people figure things out on their own. The people would be better off too.
Next, Perry drove across town. That place was open. On the way traffic was nonexistent, which is unusual for the time of day on a weekday.
Unbeknownst to humans (and rarely acknowledged by even those “new age” believers) a delay such as the one Perry took to go to the nearby shop is purposeful. Delays sometimes allow circumstances to line up in optimally-fulfilling ways.
Everyone’s intuition operates the same. It’s another reason people mistake intuition as being wrong: they’re expecting straight-line-to-results and that is never the case.
Perry didn’t consciously acknowledge this. But had the delay, and what happened next not happened, the rest of the day would not have happened the way it had.
He enjoyed the drive across town. It was a hot summer mid-day, free of rush-hour traffic. Driving with the sunroof open and the windows down contributed to Perry’s already joyful mood.
When he arrived at the repair shop, Perry got “rock star parking”: directly in front of the shop’s front door. It was the only parking spot open on the busy street.
He went inside and played around while waiting for his turn. A pretty, effusively-happy, and helpful blonde greeted him. Their pleasant exchange was one more indicator of the day Perry was having.
After examining Perry’s broken glasses, the woman told him she thought they could be fixed. Perry was happy to hear that. But then, the other person behind the counter said Perry had a special kind of glasses. He would need to go through the shop where he bought them to have them fixed.
Perry mentioned the name of the shop that sold him his glasses. The blonde woman look up the closest branch. It was in a popular part of town. Not that far in fact.
But just far enough to enjoy another sunlit drive.
In no hurry, Perry arrived and the desk person welcomed him. Perry, feeling equally warm, explained his day so far. Then showed the person his glasses. The desk person examined his glasses. Then told Perry he would contact him the next day.
After that, Perry decided to head to a coffee shop. He loves working out of the house. Two were nearby. For a moment, he thought through his options. Then felt for what his intuition wanted him to do.
He drove to that coffee shop. Parked, went inside and ordered a specialty drink, which the barista prepared expertly. It cost $4.
When he turned to find a place to sit, a woman looked up just as he looked her way. They locked eyes and she smiled at each other.
“I’m going to sit next to you because of that great smile you gave me,” Perry said boldly. It was exactly the thing to say, offered by his intuition.
The woman welcomed him over.
“I love talking to strangers,” he said. “Don’t worry, I’m not trying to pick you up or anything.”
At that, the woman launched into a lengthy explanation. She described how few people are willing to make eye contact or even smile to strangers anymore.
“So I make a point of doing that,” She said. “It’s fun talking with people.”
Now here’s what we wrote at the beginning of this story:
…Perry wanted to meet … positive, conversational, open and kind people. People unafraid of talk with strangers.
Perry and this person, whose name is Joy (we’re not making that up!), had a long wonderful conversation about a number of things. As they were talking, another woman sat down next to Perry and settled in.
This person, Suzanne, soon joined the conversation. Turned out Suzanne was new to town. Both Suzanne and Joy were looking for new career opportunities. Exactly the kind of people Perry wanted to meet.
Could it be more obvious how this day unfolded?
Perry set up 1:1 appointments with both women.
But that’s not the end of the story.
As Perry later left the coffee shop and arrived at his car, four one-dollar bills blew into his feet. Four dollars: exactly how much his drink cost.
How’s that for evidence the world is on your side?
This is not an uncommon day for Perry. Life is supposed to be like this for everyone. All that is necessary is a practice which reduces stories having you believe such experiences are random, coincident events, or that they can’t happen as a consistent feature of your life.
In time evidence big and small will be so plentiful proving to you the universe is friendly to your desires and wants you to fulfill them, you’ll start seeing the world different too.
Leverage that comes from your broader perspective makes living sweet.
When someone discovers how invincible they are, it’s impossible to live any other way. And, there’s no ceiling limiting how great life can get.
By leverage we mean having life do things for you, instead of you having to do it all yourself.
That doesn’t mean sitting in bed thinking positive thoughts will bring everything to you. You’re in a physical reality.
You have to do things.
It does mean lightly indicating what you’re wanting. Then watching as life puts the pieces together. At the right time along the way, you get an impulse to act. Following that impulse is your “doing”. Your doing doesn’t make anything happen. It’s all happened already.
Your “doing” puts you in the perfect place, in time and space to receive what you’re wanting.
Summarizing: figure out what you want. Life will coordinate circumstances. When they’re ready, life will tell you to act. Your acting doesn’t make it happen. The impulse to act is an invitation. It’s saying: “do this now”. Your action puts you in the right place at the right time. There, you receive what you want.
Life always works this way for everyone. So why doesn’t it look that way for everyone? Why doen’t it occur that way for everyone?
Hardly anyone realizes they have broader perspective.
Hardly anyone does what they need to to see life through that.
Too many people try to make what they want happen, instead of letting life do it.
So what is this “broader perspective”?
“Human” is a projection. It’s an experience you are projecting into yourself. The experience is the best way to know what and who you are. That’s why you’re experiencing this experience.
Everything in your experience is also your projection. You perceive into existence other people, circumstances, even your body. Existence looks like an “objective reality”. So much so, you think it’s separate from you. That’s because you organize your physical senses too. That way they experience the projection as objective, separate reality.
Your senses can’t see the projection any other way.
Your senses are part of the projection.
“Behind” your physical senses, you have another set of “senses”. These are not constrained like your physical senses. Yet, they correspond with them. You see, hear, smell, taste, touch through these “nonphysical” senses. The same way you do with physical ones.
Seeing life through these senses, is “broader perspective”.
The more you see life through them, the more curious you get. You start understanding how much creative control you have.
Ever had a dream feel real as f*ck? How could it have “felt” real, if you didn’t have senses capable of perceiving in that nonphysical place? Dreams are not hallucinations. They’re as real as you and us.
Science claims dreams are “all in the head”. Science is a big stumbling block. It prevents people from having real leverage.
Science is real though. It has validity and purpose. But science is in no way the final arbiter of what is “real” and “not real”. And, nonphysical reality informs science like it does with everything else in physical reality.
If it weren’t for nonphysical reality, there would be no physical reality. And no science.
A person deciding for themselves what is real and not real finds they are the final arbiter. And of course they are. They are the ones doing the projecting.
· · ·
A projector has to have a place to stand and also something on which to project. It has to have something to project too.
You “stand” in the spacious now. The spacious now is outside time and space. It is not bound by what science calls “the laws of physics”.
Neither are you, by the way. Your body is. You’re not.
Your body is part of the projection. You are broader perspective.
We also call the spacious present “nonphysical” reality. Nonphysical reality is “where” you, the projector stands.
You are also the projector screen. So all that you experience is “inside you”. That’s why you can perceive it. There is a lot “outside” you too, out there in nonphysical reality. But it is irrelevant to you, until you expand yourself enough so that it becomes you. And thus relevant.
So you’re the projector and you’re also the projector screen. What is it you are projecting? Everything that you are. Primarily you are projecting a consistent stream of values comprising your essence. You fulfilled some. Others are in the process. Many more your birth nearly every moment.
Everything that is you is being projected by you out into your real life. It is being projected into you and perceived through physical senses you organized. That way it looks separate from you. That way you can observe it “objectively”.
Until you’re done doing that.
All this is happening so you can become more self-aware.
Realizing this is also “broader perspective”. It is one of many insights that come with seeing your life extraordinarily. When you realize your broader perspective, insights like this come naturally. These insights aren’t available when you don’t have broader perspective.
The broader perspective you have, the more clearly you perceive your projection. The more of your projection you perceive, the greater understanding you have.
Understanding of what? Everything.
Put differently: the less you know about what you’re doing in this thing called life, the more “ordinary” life looks.
Joy, ecstasy, wonder, freedom, invincibility result from living from broader perspective.
Life is extraordinary.
It feels that way when you “see” differently.
“Broader perspective” lets you see “all” that you are. But it’s limited by what you’re capable of realizing. The more you live your life from this perspective though, the more capable you become.
This has immense practical benefit.
So much so, it’s a wonder so few live this way. Broader perspective’s leverage is so great, it looks magical.
But it’s not. We call this leverage.
It’s how life is for one who gets it.
Take Perry’s recent experience.
· · ·
Now, Perry has been at this for many years. He is getting better and better seeing life through his broader perspective. So he sees more examples of extraordinary happening, nearly every moment.
Everything is possible in and through your broader perspective.
Perry’s ambitions reflect that statement.
One of Perry’s ambitions is evolving capitalism out of existence. He has realized better system for resource management and distribution. He knows it’s possible because he’s seen it.
So he focuses his energies in this direction.
One way this energy focus shows up is hiring talent through the “gig economy”. Perry met a wonderful animation team on an online gig economy match-making service. This team already created two animated videos describing Perry’s economic idea. He has plans for ten more videos. Perry wants this same team to create the other eight.
Like many online services, this gig economy match-making service takes a part of the sales that happen on its website. They also discourage members from offering and accepting payments “off community.”
Paying someone else for brokering an initial transaction is great. But when you’re planning to buy a lot more, that transaction fee can add up. Especially at $1500 a video on average.
So one day this Spring, while contemplating his animated video library, Perry got an idea.
“It would be great,” It said. “If I could work with this team directly rather than through this community. I’d save all those fees on the next 10 videos.”
“And,” The thought continued. “Since I’m wanting to do so many, maybe the team would give me a volume discount!”
Perry loved this idea. It came and went in a flash. Three minutes tops. He felt good thinking it. He didn’t think it was impossible. But he knew the community discouraged this. So, instead of taking action, he sat with it.
Fast forward to October. Perry’s ramping up the next videos, preparing the scripts. One day he gets the impulse to send a message to this team via the community. Here’s the conversation that happened:
Perry had no idea what the guy was going to send via email. But Perry sent his email address. The next day the following conversation happened via email:
Of course this was a great turn out. But notice what happened here. Perry didn’t have to do anything to get what he wanted. Life coordinated it all for him. Then sent an impulse when it was all ready.
This is leverage.
It is available to everyone.
· · ·
If you dismiss this as “coincidence” you’re doing yourself a disservice. Dismissing it as coincidence denies (for you) your broader perspective. In denying your broader perspective, you obscure your perception. You relegate yourself to having to make it all happen.
We want to write “you cut yourself off from your broader perspective”, but that can’t happen. Your broader perspective is you. You can’t cut “you” off.
But you can create a reality wherein you do not perceive your broader perspective as real. That’s what you do when you dismiss such events as “coincidence” or “random chance”, or “confirmation bias”. When you do dismiss them, you get a life experience reflecting your dismissals. In other words, life looks comprised of events that seem random or chance or coincidence. Not within your control.
But it’s all in your control. The moment you adopt your broader perspective.
And remember: there is no upper limit on anything about this.
Life can be, a continual, moment-by-moment experience of getting everything you want.
Perry is getting there. He has done this work for a long time. Today he is seeing events like this happening all over. But he’s wanting to get to the point where he’s seeing them continuously.
Anything you can think of wanting you can have. You are creating your life experience. That’s the purpose of it. To realize how much say you have.
There is only one relationship giving you everything you want. The relationship between your ordinary conscious experience and your broader perspective. Attend to that. Everything else is attended to for you.
Gradually realizing that you are invincible is intoxicating. Realizing you can have anything you want is intoxicating. Realizing you can be anything, or do anything frees you from limitation.
But when you do do whatever you want, when you do get what you want, and when you become what you want….that just can’t be described in words.
It’s easy sometimes to get frustrated in a marriage or partnership.
Relationships can also be a perfect blend of constant wonder and delight.
Which one you get –– frustration or wonder and delight –– depends on your perception.
Often, disagreements and frustration, for both parties, happen when one person tries to control the other’s behavior. In most cases “trying to control” is not an intentional, malicious act. The person doesn’t want to control the other. They just want to be happy.
Controlling behavior happens when a person feels insecure. They tries to soothe the insecurity through controlling their partner’s actions. Inadequacy, feeling out of control, insecure, shame, embarrassment, or righteous indignation can all trigger “controlling” behavior.
The person tries to control conditions they think are causing the feeling. “Conditions” usually mean their partner.
The problem is conditions aren’t triggering the emotions. Their beliefs about the conditions are.
You’ll notice when a controlling person succeeds, they aren’t happy for long. The controlled person isn’t either. So controlling spawns future dissatisfaction leading to…you guessed it: more need to control.
It’s a vicious cycle. A cycle that leaves people feeling alone. Even in relationship.
Trying to control another person’s behavior so you feel better backfires sooner or later. Sometimes a lot sooner.
People aren’t stupid. They can tell when a person is trying to control them.
Put more accurately, every human knows they came to express inherent freedoms. No one wants someone telling them what to do.
Including very young children.
But especially grown mature, aware people.
· · ·
The easiest way to get what you want in relationship is to let your spouse do whatever they are wanting. Observing that, be happy with the fact that they’re doing that instead of what you want.
Even better: want to get what you’re wanting from your spouse? Then change what you’re wanting to what your spouse is already doing.
Voila! You’re now getting what you’re wanting.
We can hear the eye-rolls….
But there is wisdom here.
Change what you want from your partner to wanting what your partner is already doing. You will find peace. You’ll stop controlling. Your partner gets to do what they want. Everyone gets happy.
Can you say you feel good when you’re controlling your partner against their will?
We thought not.
The problem is your perception, not the conditions. A long-term practice learning to seeing your partner’s positive aspects can transform them. It can recreate your partner without your partner changing.
An example from Perry’s marriage is apt:
One day, Perry’s wife, Bridget, began practicing meditation. She meditated before, but it was sporadic and thus not very effective. After witnessing Perry’s results, Bridget began meditating in earnest.
She supplemented her practice with other approaches. The combination revealed how easy it is to get what she wants. Especially doesn’t try to get anything.
Getting what she wanted required letting go of controlling her husband. Six months passed with the task undone. Yet Bridget had to experience conditions she wanted to control as perfect. With no regard for changing him or the situation.
Some days later, after consistent practice, Bridget found herself more relaxed. Then, one day, she got an intuition that the task she’s wanting Perry to do was about to resolve in a delightful way. Her intuition encouraged her to prepare to be surprised…
Around the same time, Perry, received his own impulse: it said “now is about the time to do (the task)”.
Perry knows that, before taking any action on an impulse, it’s best to let it grow to where it is impossible to ignore. So he allowed this impulse to sit in his awareness with nothing more than a casual acknowledgement of it.
Days passed. Then a week.
During that time Bridget received more impulses. They excited her. Later she told Perry she wanted to tell him what was happening, but knew if she did, she’d muck up the process. So she kept it all to herself.
Meanwhile, Perry kept receiving more and more impulses.
Until one day, Perry felt overcome with wanting to do this task.
He told Bridget he was going to do it the next day.
Bridget, as you can imagine, delighted to hear this. What made that it extra sweet was she knew it was going to happen and her excitement was building the whole time.
· · ·
These days, such things happen often in Perry and Bridget’s relationship. It’s no surprise the two of them continue to practice the work. The evidence for them is overwhelming.
The work works.
Now there’s nothing wrong with getting excited about outcomes like this. Realize this kind of thing happens all the time and the excitement gives way to expectation. Expectation is the sweet spot. It prepares perception to perceive and appreciate more such events.
For Bridget, it was a profound demonstration. It showed she can create any reality. Including one in which she can influence her partner’s behavior!
Everyone has this ability.
It is as natural as breathing. Everyone brings it with them when they come into physical reality.
Exercising this natural ability requires gradually releasing beliefs obscuring this ability. There’s great freedom in exercising it. You can let everyone else in your life off the hook for what happens in your life.
Instead, you can watch everything you’re wanting come into your experience. Not from action. But from your subtle attention to what you’re wanting. A positive outlook and expecting that everything is always working out for you helps too.
So here are the steps to getting what you want out of your spouse (or anyone):
First discover your own autonomy.
Learn to identify then soothe beliefs that spawn controlling behavior.
You do that by examining your belief constellations. Or by creating new, more empowering ones that will replace your old ones.
Meditation, therapy, bibliotherapy and journaling are all effective was of examining beliefs. Another way: Pay attention to your negative feelings. They always lead you back to a flawed premise or belief.
Let’s say your family always dined together at the dinner table. You gained a lot from that experience. Now as an adult, your partner prefers eating while watching tv. Or he or she prefers a quick bite over formal dinner.
Let’s say your family always dined together at the dinner table. You gained a lot from that experience. Now as an adult, your partner prefers eating while watching tv. Or he or she prefers a quick bite over formal dinner.
It annoys you when he or she declines your offer to a formal dinner every night. As a result you feel negative emotion –– insecurity, frustration, sadness, wistful. So you get angry. Where’s that coming from? A well-practiced belief. Some possible examples:
“My partner doesn’t love me”
“I married a selfish person”
“I can never get what I want”
“There’s no love here”
But you aren’t aware of the belief. You just know you’re mad. Then you say something you usually wouldn’t, hoping your partner will give you what you’re wanting.
Notice the beliefs don’t describe your partner or your relationship. They describe what you’re thinking about your partner or your relationship.
Rather than reacting from your anger. Look at the feeling.
Ask yourself: “Why it is important for me to repeat that experience as an adult?”
Then ask, “Why am I trying to cajole that experience out of someone who doesn’t share my past experience?”
Have a journal handy to help you probe the answer.
Your partner isn’t there to recreate your past family dynamics. Your partner is there to enjoy his life. Like you. Berating or shaming your partner to do something they don’t want to never works. You’ll be resentful you had to force them. And you’re going to lose in the long run.
Next: Practice increasing your focus on your partner’s positive aspects.
This is easy.
After all, you married (or partnered) with this person. At one point these were front and center. Again, meditation, book reading, therapy and journaling can assist here.
We do not suggest talking to a friend. Friends sympathize with what you’re going through. They don’t have your best interest at heart. Friends often like to commiserate.
Commiserating is not helpful.
A hyper-focus on your partner’s “weak points” or “areas of development” makes them shine bright.
Focus on those and before long that’s all you see. Then your love turns to resentment. While your partner becomes a scoundrel …when viewed from your negative belief constellations.
Any focus practiced becomes habitual.
So practicing focusing on another’s positive aspects can become habitual too.
Start by keeping a list of everything positive you already know about them. Then begin noticing things beyond what you already know. Write them down in a journal. Acknowledge their existence. Notice, as you practice this, how your mood about the person changes. The more positive aspects pile up, the less negative you begin feeling about the person.
When you’re comfortable, start acknowledging things they do that are positive. No matter how insignificant, share your appreciation to the person. Do it face to face or in a text or handwritten note.
Tip: You’re not manipulating. You’re not trying to change your partner. You’re not even trying to change you. You’re changing how you feel about them.
Next: Develop a practice which re-acquaints you with the massively beneficial and wonderful things about your relationship.
It’s easy to get caught up complaining and lose sight not only of gifts your partner brings, but also gifts you two together create.
The same process above can help you develop a chronic habit of relationship appreciation.
Note the positive aspects being with this person creates. Write them down. In time, share them with your partner. Don’t worry if they don’t feel the same way you’re beginning to. Remember, this is not about them.
Then, after at least 60 days, pick something light and easy, that you would prefer your partner to do. (Don’t try this too early, you’ll re-energize your old habits and beliefs.)
Say to yourself, very lightly, with hardly any focus on it, what that is. Say it in a positive, almost nonchalant tone. Like: “wouldn’t it be nice if Alphonso took out the garbage this week?”.
Then, after thinking this statement once, drop it. Drop it completely from your consciousness. Try to obliterate it from your mind, as if it never came up.
If you’ve done everything up to this point each day, then one day, not next week, Alphonso will take out the garbage. You might even receive an pre-intuitive impulse that something is up. Like Bridget did.
Resist the temptation to say anything to Alphonso. Keep it all to yourself.
You’ll be surprised and delighted, but don’t show it. Instead savor the experience.
But do make note of this in your journal!
· · ·
This is a practice. It may or may not happen over night.
It may not happen in the first year. But there is no rush because you are eternal. And, nothing is wrong with Alphonso not taking out the garbage anyway!
Practice this. You’ll be astonished. Become clear about what’s in your belief constellation. Shift your focus to positive aspects of your relationship, and your partner/spouse. In time you will discover you’re in a pretty awesome relationship. And your partner/spouse is awesome too.
Keep it up and pretty soon you’ll want to explore other ways your beliefs create your reality.
The most convincing proof is personal life experience. When what you’re reading here, happens in your life, things “get real”. You can’t help feeling impervious to misfortune and negative situations.
You’ll come to believe your invincibility.
That will radically change your partnership or marriage. It will leave you living more and more in constant wonder and delight.