The Easy Way To Love: Stop Looking

Photo by Laura Seaman on Unsplash

The best way to find lasting love is to give up trying to find him or her and let him or her come to you.

I encourage all my clients in this direction because it’s fun, it’s easy and it works 100 precent of the time. You can’t say that for online dating, that’s for sure. It’s crazy so many people try that route when so few succeed.

But being Positively Focused about your life guarantees you’ll meet your match. That’s why I guarantee it. And it will happen in a fun and easy way.

Universe stands ready 

A client proved this recently in her own life. It happened so easy, it honestly knocked my socks off when she told me. Then I realized I had to share it with you all. It’s a textbook example of how cultivating a Positively Focused outlook works.

This client, let’s call her Diane, has been with me for about 34 weeks. We meet each week 1:1. She takes the practice seriously. She’s diligent about telling positive stories about everything. No wonder her life is filled with all kinds of amazing things happening.

Then again, they’re not amazing. It’s just what happens when one takes control of their life by telling stories about life consistent with the kind of life they want.

Buoyed by things going right in her life since taking on the practice, Diane pretty much stopped thinking about how, when or where she’d meet her match. Then she gave up looking for him through online dating sites. As a result of taking that off her mental plate, she also stopped blocking the Universe from giving her what she wanted.

She did that by not telling stories about her match (and other related topics) that created a reality where he remained absent.

Kissing a lot of toads

It’s easy to stop thinking about not having the love you want when your life starts giving you all kinds of great experiences. The paradox of that happening is, because you’re focused on the other great things happening, it’s easy for you to become a match to your Broader Perspective.

Matching that you hear impulses it constantly sends you. Follow them and you’ll eventually meet your match. The Universe will lead you right to the spot where your match is waiting.

Otherwise, you’re trying to do it yourself and, in trying to do that from your disempowering stories about dating, about your date-ability, about the whereabouts of your match, you take all kinds of routes that lead you on wild goose chases. Goose chases where you end up kissing a lot of toads. Sorry about mixing metaphors there!

But when you’re loving life, having fun, enjoying your own company, you turn into a cooperative variable in the equation that sums up to you and your match meeting. That’s what happened with Diane.

In fact, she didn’t even have to go anywhere. He came to her. Here’s how that happened.

Kiss that? No thanks. I’d rather be single, happy and let my perfect match come to me. (Photo by Laura Seaman on Unsplash)

Creating the Charmed Life

“I got a notification on my phone the other day,” Diane explained in our session. “It was a Facebook friend request from someone I didn’t know. I don’t accept friend requests from people who don’t have a picture on their profile. But my impulse said to accept it, so I did.”

An “impulse” is something everyone receives all the time. It’s a message from their Broader Perspective coming in response to a desire they’ve “put out” that their Broader Perspective received.

The impulse, when followed, leads to the unfolding manifestation of that desire. Should the person follow the impulse, they will eventually rendezvous with that fulfilled desire.

As one tells more and more positive stories about their life, they release resistance which creates “noise” that interferes with receiving impulses. As resistance subsides though, impulses come in loud and clear. The next step is following the impulses.

This is how the Universe, one’s Broader Perspective and the individual create “manifestations” culminating in the Charmed Life I write about here each week.

Impulses are the basis of the Charmed Life. But it all starts with being happy, i.e. the guaranteed results of a Positively Focused practice.

Not your job?

A human’s job is not to make things happen. That’s the Universe’s job. Broader Perspective’s job is to lead each individual to their fulfilled desire, which the Universe fulfilled.

So what’s the human’s job?

The human’s job is to create the desire which turns the Universe into more. Then the human receives the fulfilled version of that desire by following its Broader Perspective impulses. The receiving is always surprising and delightful. As such events fill one’s life, one discovers their worthiness, invincibility and the Charmed Life I mentioned above.

In this way, life becomes easy. Most people don’t know this. That’s why so many run around trying to make things happen while finding it very hard to make things happen that way! It’s why so many people give up on their dreams, or compromise on dreams and live lackluster lives. It’s also why so many are depressed, anxious, tired and alone too.

Diane developed a habit of hearing her Broader Perspective impulses with a determination I have yet to see matched by any other client. It’s no wonder then that her life overflows with examples of self-fulfilling desires, desires that delight and surprise her.

One great benefit of session time is we get to revel in all the delight and surprise. It’s fun hearing how clients gradually begin living the Charmed Life promised through this practice.

One advantage I enjoy is having my clients’ experiences amplify my own. They also confirm everything I know, which increases my confidence about what I share.

Ok back to what happened with Diane.

Positively Focused creates an upward joyful spiral
A bonus of my spiritual practice, in addition to it being my occupation, is the upward spiral delight of seeing my own personal practice results confirmed in my Clients’ results. I don’t need this to know being Positively Focused is the best life. But it’s sure nice seeing the confirmation nonetheless.

The impossible possible

The person making the Facebook friend request had a photo of a car on his profile because he was a car buff. Diane received an “impulse” to accept the request because of what happened next.

What happened next blew Diane’s socks off. Diane said the guy said he saw her profile and immediately wanted to get to know her. He thanked her for accepting his request, then started chatting her up. 

The chatting continued every day for a week. Turned out he was an oil rig worker, educated, happy and very interested in getting to know Diane.

But at our next session, she told me she was concerned because she didn’t think this guy, let’s call him Jeff, knew that my client was transgender.

That’s right. Diane is transgender. Most transgender women have many disempowering stories about guys, which is why most transgender women remain single, alone, lonely and mad.

I know this because through my sister blog The Transamorous Network I serve transgender clients the same way I do with non-trans people. About half my client roster is composed of trans and trans-attracted people.

When Diane told Jeff she was trans, Diane said Jeff “paid it no mind. He thought I was cisgender, but he said me being trans didn’t matter!”

Anyone who is trans, or knows transgender women knows how rare such an exchange is. Some might say such an exchange is impossible. And here was Diane, a trans woman, having exactly that experience. Being Positively Focused pays yo!

The Transamorous Network, my sister blog offers insight into thoughts and beliefs of the transgender community. Through The Transamorous Network, I offer the same material I offer through this blog, Positively Focused.

Negative stories, negative reality

Most of the time, according to transgender women who contact me, the men they meet are chasers. They’re looking for “chicks with dicks”, or, when they think the woman is cis, then find out they’re trans, they disappear.

Again, a transgender woman never need experience any of that. But it does happen when, again, transgender women tell negative stories about dating, themselves and men.

For example, another client I’m working with who is transgender currently enjoys a long-running, online, long distance relationship with one guy. She’s actually seeing a few men as a result of her Positively Focused practice which has her changing her stories too.

But she needs improvement, evident in this exchange.

“Even when I’m at my worst,” she said in one session. “He keeps coming back.”

“Why do you think he keeps coming back?” I asked.

“Because he just wants me to fuck him,” she said.

What a disempowering story. Of course, there’s no way a guy would want to keep talking to her because HE LIKES HER. And, what do you think the story “guys just want me because they want me to fuck them” says about the transgender woman thinking such a thought?

Well, it demeans the transgender woman as much as it demeans the men she meets, thereby kiboshing any chance of men even having a chance with her!

Every belief one thinks or expresses or even allows in their awareness carries an associated vibration which creates realities consistent with it. Some of the most damaging are thoughts one thinks about one’s self. (Photo by Sherise VD)

Diane’s dates improving

Diane enjoys a different trajectory. Having changed her stories about subjects related to meeting her match, her men encounters improved dramatically.

First she’d get cat-called at bars. Then men wanted her for “quickies” in the parking lot. Then, guys would approach her, but ghost her after that first encounter. After that, men started sticking around, but they weren’t the caliber of men Diane wanted.

Now, here Diane is getting the furthest forward version of what she wants. And she literally didn’t even leave the house to meet him! Nor did she spend any money dating online.

Furthermore, Diane wanted a guy who had more going for him than “hustling”. Many men she met in the past were street hustlers. Mostly they were into the drug trade and generally getting into criminal mischief.

But Jeff has a steady job. More than that, he wants to take Diane hiking and fishing, as he enjoys the outdoors. Sounds pretty normal, right? But to Diane, it’s not.

“That’s something I’ve been wanting to do more and more since starting becoming Positively Focused,” Diane said. “That he wants to take me out to do those things shows me this is all working out perfectly for me.”

That love you want is right there in front of you. If you can’t see it, or you feel you’re not making any progress towards it, it’s likely you have beliefs which create realities where the relationship that is there, isn’t there. It’s a problem I can help with. (Photo by Toa Heftiba)

What’s the future?

How this situation turns out makes no difference. The main thing happening is Diane is improving her dating stories. She’s seeing her improved stories creating connections reflecting to her that improvement. Diane acknowledges she still has stories she wants to improve, so Jeff isn’t the final match, offering everything she wants.

How does she know that? Because she’s still evolving as a person and in what she wants. As her life improves, as she uncovers what she really wants and goes after that, she becomes more of her authentic self.

As that happens, she becomes more confident and more certain of who she is. Meanwhile, she’s meeting this guy amidst that transition. So Jeff represents a match to who she is currently. Other men stand ready and waiting for her as she becomes more.

And that’s why I urge clients not to be impatient when creating their reality. For the longer a person enjoys what they have, without thinking what they have – especially with partners – is The One, the more they will see what they have improve more and more. Why? Because they are becoming more and more.

Diane’s example shows how easy finding a lover happens. The less energy and attention one puts on that, the more they just enjoy life, the easier finding that person happens.

But when someone thinks finding a partner is a challenge, a problem or impossible, that’s exactly how it will be. Thoughts create reality.

Why not think thoughts that make your ideal reality easy? If you’re ready to know how, I got your back!

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