What if friendships aren’t for support? What if friendships aren’t meant to soothe our loneliness or our troubles? These questions made up part of a conversation I enjoyed with a client this week. They questioned the purpose of friendships altogether given what they learned up to this point in the Positively Focused Advanced Practice.
They’re good questions. Questions about a subject most of us take for granted. A subject we just assume we understand, or just accept what we’ve seen from the world around us. But it’s a good idea to look at what we think friends are for. That’s because, looking at what we think could create a whole new reality around such relationships.
I want to keep this post short, so I’m not going to go into a lot of detail. I’ll just offer that friendships offer an excellent peek into the workings of All That Is. But to get the peek we must view our friendships from a fresh, new perspective.
If we are each in our own reality (and we are), and no one else is in that reality (accurate again), then what is a friendship? And what purpose do they serve? What if they served no purpose other than as opportunities to revel in the fun of having chosen to come into physical reality in the first place?
Insecurity: When it feels normal
That’s a question worth asking. Because when we use friendships for anything other than what they’re really for, we’re missing the point of what they are. Using them for support diminishes our self-reliance, our sovereignty. Doing so is relying on something outside ourselves to soothe low vibration energies (negative emotion) and reestablish high vibration energies (feeling good). When we do that, we amplify and reinforce several things.
First, doing so tells us that we aren’t the powerful, creative sovereign beings we are. Second, doing so causes the friend to feel the same way. And when they listen to our sob stories, they further amplify our disempowerment because when they subsequently try to make us feel better, that act, tells us “I see you can’t maintain your steady high vibration, so I’m going to do it for you”. That powerful statement further anchors within us insecurity, because it makes us reliant on something outside ourselves to feel better. That’s always a recipe for trouble.
Third, relying on friendships for support, because doing so reinforces insecurity in us, aligns us with future probable realities in which we’ll need that support again. When the friend again lends support, that act lines up up once again for more of the same.
Because of this dynamic, many, many people end up in a rut. They gain soothing support from friends. They feel good as a result, even though they’re in a state of disempowered insecurity, and therefore conclude this is what friendships are for (among other things). People can’t feel the insecurity and disempowerment, however. That’s because they’ve been there for so long, those energies just feel normal.
Eternal relationships
But should a friend ghost them, then those feelings get amplified in the friend’s absence. If the friend stops supporting them, then, again, those negative feelings get amplified.
Most people (including a couple clients who had this happen) don’t have the vibrational stability needed to bear this. Nor do they understand what the appropriate response to such events is. So they blame the person who ghosted or stop supporting them instead, rather than looking inward.
So what are friendships for? What are friends for? To understand the answers, we must understand what friends are.
Friends are cooperative components, members of our cadre, traveling with us on this wonderful journey of expansion and joy. They, like us, are eternal beings. They show up in physical as friends because they chose, as we did, to incarnate in the same era, knowing doing so was going to be fun, expansive and joyful. Friendships, therefore, are divine, eternal relationships between divine eternal beings, beings whose core values vibrationally match throughout time.
The purpose of friendships, therefore, is to amplify our joyful expansion as we revel in the contrast of daily life. They aren’t for support. We do that for ourselves. And when one sovereign friend gets this, then treats the friendship for what it’s really about – fun – then that friend offers their friend a powerful, transformational opportunity.
Friendships are spiritual relationships based on joy, fun and expansion. Seeing them as anything else can, and usually does, diminish life experience for everyone involved.