Tag: How to be happy

Being Positively Focused is a lot like being a Jedi in real life. I create my ideal versions of other people who then give me what I want when they realize what I want is what they want.

Nutshelling it: When I work through my Broader Perspective, my Inner Being talks to their Inner Being so that what I want occurs to them as what they want too.

A true story showing how this works.

I live in a house I share with three others. When I first moved in, the other three people were quiet and kept to themselves. The landlord showed me my space, “the basement suite” they called it.

Of course, it was perfect. It represented a fulfilled desire coming in perfect timing, as I wanted a new, quiet living space after my ex and I split.

Over several months these original three housemates moved out. Three new people replaced them. People I didn’t enjoy as housemates.

The first was a party boy. He enjoyed drinking, playing loud music and having people over for loud conversations.

The next person was an “adult child”. He had family of origin issues that showed up as screaming at the top of his lungs for no reason, using other people’s property without asking, getting offended at the slightest provocation and not cleaning up after himself. Oh, he also peed in the backyard!

The third person was even worse. He was an Adult Child of Alcoholics, muttered to himself and didn’t respect the landlord’s established norms for living there.

His replacement oddly enough, expected others to clean up behind him. He left things all over the house, let his food get moldy in the fridge, and would leave dishes and utensils on the front porch instead of taking them to the kitchen and washing them.

What’s interesting was each of these people reflected a dimension of my ex. While living with her I developed strong co-creative momentum with her. So strong a momentum, housemates who moved in after I did reflected that momentum. In other words, my Moment of Becoming and momentum brought housemates after me matching experiences I had with my ex.

My ex is from a family of alcoholics. Slight provocations triggered her too. She enjoyed playing her music loud while ignoring other people’s interests. Occasionally she cleaned up behind herself, but often would leave things right where she had them last. I tried a lot of things to change her (not a good idea at all I realize now). All my attempts made things worse.

I’m happier no longer there.

Obviously though my Belief Constellation still included thoughts about her. I know this because each house mate brought experiences and behaviors matching my ex, or rather matching beliefs I still had active about my ex. Were my experiences with my ex less active in my Belief Constellation, different people would show up. These new housemates were not random coincidence.

I know everything in my reality reflects back to me Belief Constellation content. That’s helpful knowing because I can do something with that knowledge. Not knowing what I know, life seems random and separate. It never is though. My thoughts and my reality always match.

So every housemate served me: Each showed me I still had beliefs worth changing. In changing them, I could get a better reality.

Before that though…

At first, I let myself get annoyed about my new housemates’ behaviors. I know emotional reactions are never about what’s happening in my physical reality, they’re always only about my connection with my Inner Being and that is all.

Saying “each new housemate was annoying” or “my new housemates made me annoyed” are complete, inaccurate distortions.

I also know what to do when I feel annoyance. I didn’t do that at first though.

At first I tried coaxing different behaviors out of them. I tried asking the slob to clean up after himself, which, of course, he refused. I asked the ACA dude to stick to the house norms. He told me to fuck off. I asked the party guy to be more quiet. He complained about me to the other housemates, which exacerbated my relationships with them. I asked the backyard pee-er to stop doing a lot of stuff. He got better, but still did things I didn’t like. The other housemates didn’t like it either.

Since direct action didn’t work, and my frustration was getting unbearable, I did the only thing under my control. I changed what I paid attention to, I let go, I surrendered.

It was a radical choice, an interesting sociological experiment. The only recent experience I had creating new people from existing people was with my ex. But that was indeliberate creation. Now, life presented me a huge learning opportunity: Learn to create people you want in life experience deliberately, it said.

So that’s what I did.

Surrender isn’t giving up. It’s realizing where power exists. Real effortless power comes through allowing Universe to bring me what I want instead of trying to make it happen myself.

People always reflect back to me what I believe. I’m creating them for my benefit. I know whatever thoughts I’m thinking that I’m ignoring for some reason will come clear through how people both show up and how they treat me. My expansion never ends, so learning opportunities never end either.

So people in my life experience all are helpers, giving me feedback, as does everything else in my physical reality. This feedback tells me “Universe will bring me what I want when I let it.”

I let it through being Positively Focused.

I am feedback for others as well. With many years Positively Focused practice, I feel the pull of other people’s focus. Feeling that pull, sometimes it’s hard maintaining my own focus. I end up being someone less than I want to be. But I know when that happens, I’m matching that other person’s reality, and doing so, give them what they’re wanting to know, even if they don’t know that.

These days it’s easier being authentic, loving me while feeling others’ pulls. My Positively Focused practice has perpetual momentum now. Most of the time these days, I set the tone of an interaction. People shape to my pull instead of me shaping to theirs.

Not so when I was with my ex. Back then, when out in the world, I found it easy staying positive and excited about life. But then I’d come home and almost instantly feel my mood shift when I re-entered the persistent negative atmosphere she and I co-created.

I benefitted a ton from that marriage. She did too. For me, marriage helped me prioritize my Inner Being relationship. As a result, I’m living even more of a Charmed Life than I lived before.

I love how all relationships have that potential: they can amplify one’s focus on the one place unconditional love comes from: the relationship between one’s self and one’s Inner Being.

Things got interesting

So instead of trying to cajole my housemates into compliance, instead of trying to get them to stop doing what I didn’t like. I did what I show my clients: I focused instead on what I wanted. Then I let my Personal Trinity coordinate a new reality. One which included versions of my housemates that matched what I wanted.

What I wanted was a calm, quiet, peaceful place where people subordinated their behavior to the goals of a mutually beneficial, peaceful living space.

I knew, and know even more today, that through my Inner Being relationship, I can be, do and have anything I want. I knew I already created probable versions of my housemates, versions matching what I want. I knew my Inner Being held for me a living situation filled with such housemates.

My job: tune myself to that probable reality alive in my Belief Constellation, so it would emerge through my Moment of Becoming in to my physical reality.

Here’s what I did.

• First I clarified in my mind what I wanted. I knew it was there in my belief constellation. I just had more momentum behind what I didn’t want (experiences similar to living with my ex) as a result of still thinking about my ex.
• I thought thoughts about what it would look like living in my ideal living situation.
• I thought about how my ideal housemates moved through the house and…
• I thought about and focused on how peaceful, harmonious and quiet it was in my minds-eye version of my living situation.

By envisioning these, I knew I cued up that probable reality matching my ideal, my Charmed Life. But I needed something more. Something critical.

Early in Positively Focused practice, the practitioner strengthens their perceptive skills through feeling emotion. People feel emotions easier than vibration. Emotions let me know what vibration I’m tuned to. Vibration is early-stage manifestation. I needed to tune my vibration via my thoughts to my desired reality.

So while thinking about my ideal living situation, I focused more and more on how that situation felt. Then I amped up those feelings by focusing on them and riffing on emotions in the same vicinity:

• It feels nice living in this ideal situation
• It feels peaceful living here
• It feels like harmony
• It feels like peace
• It feels satisfying
• It feels like home
• It feels joyful
• It feels right
• It feels good…

Next, I completely ignored what my current housemates did. When Slob left his dishes in the living room, or on the porch outside, I ignored it. When Family-of-origin peed in the backyard, or screamed “FUCK!” in the middle of the day, I ignored that too.

Then I took it up a notch. I ignored my housemates. Whenever they were in the common areas – the living room, the kitchen – I stayed in my room. If I was in the kitchen and one came in, I made sure I had my headphones in and listened to a podcast or music.

Then I amped it up further. This is a bit hard to explain. I lived in the house as though my ideal housemates already lived with me. I felt how good that felt. I reveled in their presence. I focused on how great the place would feel with them with me.

Then awesome happened

The fist thing that happened was ACA moved out. Unbeknowst to me, he contacted the landlord saying he needed to move out ASAP. He said his counselor said living alone would be a better living situation for him.

Next, Slob and Family of Origin started getting on each others’ nerves. Family of Origin started enjoying the house being clean and tidy. He also improved around cleaning up after himself.

Problem (for him) was, Slob’s living habits started getting on his nerves. So Family of Origin pointed out more often things Slob was doing. Exasperated, Slob started looking for someplace else to live. In a month, he was gone!

Perhaps you’ve seen my pictures on my website, so you know I’m brown-skinned. All my housemates up to this point were of the dominant culture. So you can imagine my surprise when my landlord introduced me to ACA’s replacement, another person of color. Let’s call him Andre.

Not surprisingly, Andre told me and the landlord he was looking for a cleaner, quieter and more peaceful living situation, which was NOT where he lived before. He said he liked keeping to himself and was super-respectful. Having toured the house, he already recommended ideas on improving the living situation.

After he moved in, the whole character of the living situation changed. Andre shared a bathroom with Family of Origin and right away Andre put his foot down about how Family of Origin left hair all over the bathroom and hardly cleaned up after himself (I have my own bathroom).

Next the landlord introduced me, Family of Origin and Andre to Slob’s replacement, another person of color and a college student I’ll call Lorenzo. Like Andre, he expressed living in a respectful, quiet place because he’s studying full time from home. Lorenzo and Andre’s energy both transformed the house’s culture. Family of Origin mentioned feeling uncomfortable living with three people of color, this being the first time that ever happened.

Not long after Lorenzo moved in, I heard him and Family of Origin having a slightly tense conversation about race. I went upstairs to see what was up. They were discussing whether a person of color could be racist. It was an interesting conversation I joined with eagerness. It went well, but I could tell Family of Origin was struggling with his “white fragility”.

Within two months, Family of Origin moved out too. His replacement: a kind, peaceful, hard working woman I’ll call Cindy. Cindy and I hit it off right away. Today, we share meals, watch movies together and talk eagerly about our passions. She’s a great fit. So is Lorenzo and Andre too!

Lorenzo and Andre moved out, but two new housemates I’ll call Jeff and Tomiko moved in behind them. They both are wonderful, peaceful, respectful and quiet people. And one of them is transgender which hits close to home.

Epilogue:

What happened here?

Several things unfolded in perfect universal coordination. One, I realized how my current, unwanted reality clarified beliefs in my Belief Constellation I wanted cleaned up.

Next, I surrendered to the unwanted by accepting rather than pushing against those things.

Then I ignored all those things, including the people creating them. Instead of giving what I wanted changed attention, I put attention on future realities containing what I wanted.

Doing all this, I tuned myself so that my now gradually matched my desires. On the way to that, my Inner Being coordinated with Inner Being’s of my old housemates. Through that coordination their Inner Being’s gave them impulses they felt were right for them. They came to their conclusions that served them. Conclusions that served me too.

My Inner Being simultaneously coordinated with people who matched what I wanted, people whose desires matched what I wanted too, and inspired them to me. The result: new people in my living situation matched with my desire and thus, an ideal living space.

Creating people consistent with one’s desires is fairly advanced, but possible for everyone. Cultivating Positively Focused momentum makes available nonphysical connections we share with others. Those connections exist for our use. When Positively Focused, that use ultimately matches me with people consistent with and in agreement with what I want.

It feels like mind control, but it’s not. I feel like a Jedi, but that’s at best, a fable. What’s really happening is I’m drawing to me people wanting what I want, for their own personal reasons that match my own. I call that co-creation between people. It’s so fun!