So Game of Thrones is over. What a finale. Danny dead. Jon Snow exiled. Arya off on adventure. The hound…Queen Cersei…well…you know.
But producers hid the biggest GOT story right in plain sight. As much as it was a fantasy, Game of Thrones is faithful to reality. And if you got that, well, you walked away from season eight’s final episode as I did.
With a huge freaking grin and insanely inspired.
There’s Nothing Like A Story
In one of the show’s best monologues Tyrian Lannister tells the story of Bran the Broken. Soon to be chosen as king of the six realms, Bran began the show as what seemed like a minor character.
But that minor part became the major story. And this is the hidden gem. Namely: You can work your ass off and still not be king. Better put: Do nothing and you will be king.
That’s exactly what Bran did. After being pushed off a window ledge at Winterfell, it seemed Bran’s life was over. He ended up a coma. Then paralyzed. He got out of the coma. Only to learn he’d be forever in a wheel chair.
Which forced him to go spiritual. With nary a limb he could flex, he turned to flexing his consciousness. Then he began probing spiritual mysteries.
What he found helped him marshal forces of destiny. He used them, moving with All That Is as it used other people to do its bidding. Through that connection, Bran became not only Bran the Broken, king of the six realms. He also became Bran the Invincible.
Even facing the Night King, the most fearsome foe in the whole show, Bran prevailed.
Note how everyone moved in Bran’s favor while at the same time serving their own purposes. A assassin tried killing him but a massive hound rips his throat out. Wildlings tried killing him. Theon Greyjoy and Rob rush to his rescue. When Theon takes Winterfell, he survives thanks to Osha’s help.
In every adverse situation, Bran maintained connection with his larger self. His larger self giving insight into the next steps. His larger self directing others in Bran’s defense. Meanwhile Bran relied on inner knowing telling him where to be. Who to speak with. What to say.
All without lifting a finger, arm, leg or sword, Bran became leader of the realm.
GOT is great fantasy. It’s also excellent commentary on reality. GOT is allegory. You have Bran’s ability. I notice this ability unfolding in my own life. Me and my Inner Being write about such experiences throughout this blog.
Here we describe how I choose an outcome. Then I connect with the universe, All That Is and my Inner Being, all representing my larger self. I communicate my desire. Then watch as my personal trinity orchestrates the world around me. Including people and events. Orchestrated in such a way that what I chose becomes my reality.
Action Is Overrated
Contrast Bran’s story with that of Jon Snow, or any other action-oriented GOT character. Jon, the best swordsman. Admired. A master strategist. Handsome. A courageous fighter. Death-defying…and legitimate and rightful heir to the Iron Throne.
All that action-based, work your ass off effort he was known for got him nothing. Nothing except cold days and nights in exile with the wildlings. Not so bad considering that hunk of a guy Tormund Giantsbane. And if there are more beauties like Ygritte there.
Far from becoming king though.
Sure he didn’t want it. But that’s not the point.
The point is, focus on connecting with your deeper self. That larger part of you remaining in the spiritual world. When you do, you’ll discover profound insights. Insights about yourself. Insights about the world and people around you.
When you do, you’ll discover just how much influence you have over the world around you. You become king. King of the largest realm there is. The realm of your subjective reality. Which includes all you’re capable of perceiving.
You’ll also perceive something else. That you are surrounded by messages encouragingi to look within. Especially movies and art.
Game of Thrones was a thrill ride. A great story. A wonderful character exploration. But if you missed what you just read, you just got entertained.
The best happiness is conjured. It’s how I get things easily. Getting what I want should be easy. That’s the way life can be for everyone. For me it is.
It hasn’t always been easy. I had to learn how reality happens before getting what I want came easily. I appreciate what I learned. So I’m sharing it.
In the old days I didn’t know all this. By “old days” I mean a few years ago. 😀
Back then, I got a lot of what I wanted and some of what I didn’t. I got that the same way you likely do. Random!
I became pretty successful, but it was hard work, struggle, sacrifice.
Instead of talking about the old days, I want to talk about today’s days. But I guess I can’t without referring a little bit to the old days for context. 🤷🏽♂️
How Do Things Happen?
First, let me clarify something: Getting what I want means creating reality.
Many people scoff when “new agers” talk about “creating reality” and “manifesting”. Here’s the thing about that.
A lot of what I want is “real”. Physical events, physical things and, yes, some intangible things too. Like peace of mind. And understanding how life works.
But everything I want, including intangible stuff, must happen in the physical world. I call that “reality”. You probably call it that too.
So getting what I want means experiencing realities different from what I have. New realities that include in them what I want. Somehow, those realities must come about.
How do they come? Aren’t they being created? If so, who or what creates them?
I explored these questions some time ago. I’m glad I got super-clear answers.
· · ·
So when I talk about getting what I want, I’m talking about creating new realities. Realities that weren’t realities before. I’m at the center of “how”. And I’m getting better proving to myself how that “how” works.
Fig. 1 below shows how I used to create reality. I call it “The Haphazard Way”. Here’s how that process worked for me. Maybe it works for you this way.
Reality Needs A Perceiver And It Shapes That Which Perceives
Reality doesn’t exist if there is no perceiver. So reality needs a perceiver for it to “be”. Any consciousness capable of perception will do. In Fig. 1, I’m using me as the perceiver. But it could as well be a dog, bird, cockroach or single-celled organism.
In The Haphazard Way, as perceiver, I look at the world (Step 1 in Fig. 1) and see what’s happening. From that, I choose what I want.
For example, when I was young, I realized having money was a good thing. In high school, I looked at professions where my talents (love of writing, art, etc) would pay most. Then I planned my life to match that trajectory.
So far so good.
But while spending so much time looking at the world, I also couldn’t help see how other people got what I wanted. Sounds normal, right? You set a goal, then look at others’ success as a model for yours.
The problem is, I’m not here to copy what others did. I thought I was. And I succeeded at that for a while. It wasn’t fulfilling though.
I’m a creator. I’m here to do it my way. A fresh way. You are a creator too. You’re not here to copy others.
Besides, the majority of humans (like 99.999 percent) create what they want haphazardly (Fig. 1). That works. But it’s not easy. That’s why so many people describe getting what they want as “working your ass off,” “sacrificing”, “paying your dues”, etc. Then they feel proud about that.
Why would I want to copy that? If they knew what I now know, I don’t think they’d feel proud.
But it’s what they know. So I don’t blame them. Instead I say “more power to you!” Because they’re going to need it.
In their reality (Fig. 1), working your ass off (or who you know, or having money, or paying your dues or whatever) is necessary. It’s necessary because they’ve looked at how others have done it. And they are copying that.
I was doing the same. Here’s why I don’t do that now.
Living Other People’s Experience By Default
When I copied another’s way, I also accepted their beliefs about reality. Everybody’s doing that. Which is why we have the world we have where pretty much everyone thinks the same way about reality. I thought that way too.
Back to fig. 1: Looking at the world (Step 1) formed beliefs within me consistent with what I was looking at (Step 2). Including other people’s beliefs. If I believed as everyone else, my actions would match everyone else (Step 3). Not my original, pure inspirations.
Beliefs dictate actions in The Haphazard Way
My actions reflected what I believed. Next I’d look at results my actions created (Step 4) to check (Step 5) if they matched my expectations. “Expectations” is another word for “beliefs about the future”. Based on beliefs I got from others, I formed beliefs about the future containing what my acts should produce.
Make sense so far?
Here’s the problem. My adopted beliefs included ways to get what I want. But they also included negative beliefs about the world. About me too.
A major negative belief about the world, which I adopted from others was “there’s only so much to go around”. Another: “I’m in competition for those limited things, whether it’s money, women, cars, etc.” Another: “money doesn’t grow on trees” meaning: it’s scarce.
These are beliefs new agers call “scarcity consciousness”. They make an unlimited thing limited.
My beliefs also included other people’s beliefs about people like me. For example, I had a lot of negative beliefs about being African American and queer. These negative beliefs shaped my self-worth, self-respect and, most important, what I thought was possible.
Maybe you have these too. Where do these come from? I got them looking at the world. I listened to what my parents’ said about the world and believed them. I watched their personal experiences, then formed beliefs from that. I got beliefs from my personal experience. I shaped beliefs listening to TV and radio. I got beliefs from reading stuff.
In other words, I got my beliefs from looking at the world around me (Step 1).
How about you? Where do your beliefs come from? Have you thought about that? Some people I talk with are open enough to say they get their beliefs the same way I did. “I was raised to believe…” is how it usually starts.
Maybe you were “raised to believe…” a certain way too…
Back to Fig. 1.
So when I checked my progress (or lack thereof), I would make up stories reflecting my messed up (inaccurate) beliefs. “This happened because I was black” or, “I can’t do that right” or, “I wish I could do it like that guy”, or “I need money to do that and I don’t have money so…”
The thing is, the world I saw matched beliefs I had. It’s tricky to sort out beliefs I hold from the world I see. They are so intertwined. In reality, they are one. They both reflect each to the other. I know that now.
So no matter what happened from my actions, I interpreted them according to my beliefs. I still do that. That can’t be helped. Life will always reflect my beliefs.
But today, I have a whole new set of beliefs. They come from a new way of creating reality.
What’s interesting is, I wouldn’t have my new way, were it not for the old way.
Life will not differ from how I believe. “Life” is the cycle illustrated in Fig. 1 and 2. Both cycles repeat themselves over and over. Beliefs become automatic. Acts born of beliefs recede into the background. What’s left are results and interpretations.
If I want any part of my reality different, I must change my beliefs. To change beliefs, I must know how they happen. Then use that process differently.
That’s where Fig. 2 comes in.
The World Turns From One Thing I See To The Next
I questioned early on why things happened the way they did. So The Haphazard Way helped me. It’s not wrong. I think it serves this exact purpose.
I’m not the only person who knows about this. More are learning it all the time. Here’s how it works:
First, I look at the world (Step 1). But I don’t accept that world as factual. Instead I look at what is and use it to decide not only what I want, but how I would like it to happen.
I don’t think about the specifics of how it could happen. I only think about how it would feel to have what I want (Step 1).
Once I figure that out, I choose beliefs (Step 2) consistent with what I want. I literally make up beliefs. The more original the better. The beliefs boost the feelings.
Next I hold the feelings the beliefs have boosted. I keep feeling the feelings. I pay as little attention as I can to current reality. Including the fact that it doesn’t contain what I want. I don’t think about what I want either. I only feel how it feels having what I want.
I’m not always successful. But you’d be surprised how little success is needed for this to work.
If/when I’m successful with Fig. 2 Step 2, the universe and the larger part that is me gives feedback, suggestions and impulses about acts to take (Step 3). I try never to act unless I get inspiration. This is important.
Sometimes it takes a long time before I get inspiration. Just ask my wife! 😜
Other times, inspiration comes immediately.
Sometimes I have to sort out where the inspiration is coming from. Old beliefs sometimes draw ideas to me. They sound like “you should be doing….”
The right inspiration doesn’t sound that way.
When right inspiration does come, I try to act immediately (Step 4). Next, I do my best to notlook for evidence my acts create. I don’t check. Instead, I use observing the world as fuel. Fuel for more made up beliefs. Beliefs consistent with the reality I am creating, rather than the one I’m looking at.
· · ·
My Inner Being has written in this blog about some results this process produced. It’s going to continue doing that. So many things are happening all the time.
Life has changed for me since using this process. Most important, I’m finding myself happier. Not because I’m getting more of what I want easier, which I am. But because when I’m spending most of my time focusing on positive beliefs, how can that not become a habit? And how can a positive focus turned habitual not produce a reality consistent with that? And how can that not create a happy life?
That’s conjured happiness.
In the end, I want what I want because I think I’ll be happier getting that. When I’m positively focused, I’m already happy. That’s the best place from which to have what I want show up. It takes out the yearning that happens when I seek happiness in getting things.
The best happiness is conjured happiness. I know that now. And thank goodness that I do because it makes getting things easy.
It’s a common belief, especially among Americans, that people who don’t work, deserve to be broke. People on government subsistence programs are especially judged.
Usually American conservatives are judging. They say such people are “lazy drains on society”.
In a sense, they are right. Such people aren’t paying attention to the belief constellations they’re building around themselves, which creates the reality they have.
But there’s another reason too. One the rest of us can do something about.
One reason such programs are necessary is because civilization makes such programs necessary. A civilization is possible where such programs aren’t necessary. Such a civilization could enrich everyone, no matter what they’re doing. And, said enrichment doesn’t have to cost anyone anything.
That last part is important. I’ll revisit that later. In short, our beliefs create our reality. Everything is possible. But not if you don’t believe everything is possible. And a lot of us don’t believe everything is possible. But it is.
· · ·
I get to talk with many conservatives. I’ve learned a lot. Their criticism against such ideas as “we can have a civilization where everyone is rich, no matter what they do” feels valid to them. They call such beliefs “unrealistic progressive utopian fantasies”. They call their believers “socialists”, “libtards” or worse. I’ve found there are a couple reasons for this.
One, they worry such ideas could wreck what we currently have. It’s a “don’t break what’s working” mentality. Or, a “move slow so you don’t break what’s working” mindset.
That’s legit. Throwing out what’s working isn’t smart. Don’t quit your day job, right? Especially if you believe a day job is the only way to consistent income. It’s not the only way. But it is the only way if you believe that.
The “unknown unknowns”, as Donald Rumsfeld once called them, that conservatives worry about keep them from entertaining ideas progressives believe are needed. Given unforeseeable negative future consequences, these new ideas aren’t worth considering, they say.
Looking at some alternatives offered, I get that concern. But they’re not all bad.
But there’s a bigger reason conservatives push back against progressive ideas. Whether it’s my idea or Alexandria Ocasio Cortez’s Green New Deal, conservatives believe they’re unnecessary. And so not worth paying for. Especially (and this is critical) if they have to do the paying.
So their legit concerns over practical matters spills over into a distorted selfishness. Their caution becomes an argument for keeping things the same. And their wallets full.
It’s not these people’s fault. Their belief constellations say the world’s working for everyone. Those it’s not working for? That’s their fault. Why change it? Meanwhile others say it’s not working. These folks want to change it.
Both are. The world is working for everyone. And, the world can always be improved.
For sure, it’s unfair to say all conservatives feel the world is fine. It IS fair to say though that some progressives believe the world is fine. Particularly rich ones. And some conservatives believe that too.
Beliefs Determine Our Civilization
I know human civilization reflects our collective belief constellations. Our collective belief constellations create what we call society. Which is why I know changing infrastructures and institutions often compounds problems rather than fixing them.
Infrastructure – government, laws, etc., I’ve learned are ideas made manifest. Ideas are beliefs prepared to be shared. I can’t change a physical structure in my personal life and expect real change while ignoring beliefs I have underlying said structure.
For example, if I’m trying to change my financial status through action, I may become monetarily successful. But if my beliefs about finances and money still reflect lack, then it’s likely whatever success and money I have realized will go away. Real change happens at the ideological level, i.e. one’s beliefs.
Our collective mindset is humanity’s biggest impediment. It shapes our civilization, which in turn, reinforces everyone’s opinion. That’s because humans like looking at the world as it is, then form an opinion of what they see. That opinion collects about it similar opinions, becoming a constellation of opinions or beliefs. Eventually that collection of beliefs is reflected into the world they’re looking at.
They could form an opinion first, then watch as civilization shapes to that. That is what visionaries do. It’s what everyone who changes the world does.
Everyone else constrains their opinion to what they see. The more what they see negatively effects their wallet, the more intense their opinion. Their opposition too.
Which is why some conservatives, but not all, express crazy-sounding views about their fellow humans. They are crazy views. Unless you agree with them.
For example, a conservative I was talking with recently compared certain people to drone bees. He said, like drones, people on subsistence programs, or otherwise not “pulling their weight” are worthless drains on productive people. Productive people meaning, like himself:
“Drones, whether bees or other creatures, produce nothing of value. Well, that’s not entirely true – one male bee may get lucky and impregnate the queen of the next new colony. But even that contribution to production is indirect; the male doesn’t produce honey, the females do”.
Distortions fill this opinion/belief. It also shows how such distortions become people’s truths. Even though they’re distortions.
It is inaccurate, for example, to suppose drones “produce nothing of value”. Or even limited value. If that were the case, drones wouldn’t exist.
Drones do exist. Which means they have intrinsic value. Nothing that exists is value-less. If it were, it wouldn’t exist. After all, every thing is All That Is. Would All That Is waste its energy creating something of no value?
Of course not.
People sometimes look to science for understanding. But science is mostly wrong about what it knows. I’m not a science denier. I understand science. Possibly more than most lay people.
Science has some things right. But what it gets right is minuscule compared to total knowledge. It’s also small compared to what it thinks it knows as right. In other words, some things science thinks it knows right aren’t. And a lot of what it could know, that could be helpful, is not interesting to science:
Science has proven this over and over. It’s amazing to me people get angry when I say this, when it’s so obvious.
I’m not saying science is worthless. It has value. It exists :-). But let’s not let it alone dictate opinion. For it is often wrong. More often than it is right.
· · ·
Life’s plenty looks wasteful/valueless. So many drone bees. All those seeds a single tree produces with only a few becoming trees. All those leaves falling to the ground each fall. Leaves humans have to rake up.
…But every seed, every tree, every leaf is purposeful and valuable INTRINSICALLY.
Humans are too.
Human Beings Are “Value” Made Material
Here’s what that means, dear reader. Even though you or science may not yet believe it. That human you’re looking at, then claiming has no value, is value in and of itself. It doesn’t “have” value. It “IS” value.
If it wasn’t, the human wouldn’t be.
Which brings us to this post’s headline.
As with drone bees, leaves or any other physical reality, humans you believe are worthless are immense value. You just don’t recognize, understand or want to acknowledge it. That’s ok. You don’t have to.
We also can change civilization. So everyone gets what they want, without it costing you anything.
That last part’s worth repeating. That person you think is worthless, whether progressive, conservative, lazy or not, can get everything they want. They can enjoy wealth. Without doing what you think they must to get it.
That can’t happen in today’s society. That’s because it’s based on beliefs that aren’t true. Well they are, but only in our current version of civilization.
Outside that they’re completely and utterly false.
· · ·
The only thing slowing down progress is this: people’s persistent belief that this civilization is the only one worth having.
You may think that. But there are far more people who believe different.
And those people are winning. Which is why you see so much churn today. We can have less churn as we progress. But alas, humans love drama.
Progress is going to happen whether you want it to or not. The question is, how will you relate to it? Will you go kicking and screaming, reviling your fellow human along the way?
Or are you going to enjoy the process? Maybe even get positively focused?
Your beliefs shape your response. Another question: do you realize that?
We shared a day in Perry’s life where small “pearls” prove he lives on cloud nine. The less effort you put into trying to get what you want, the easier life gets.
Other people are key. The Universe coordinates other people coming into your life. People showing up are pathways to what you want. The Universe puts them there according to your instruction. When you give it clear instruction, your desires come fast. That’s how life gets easy.
Today we’re sharing more examples from Perry’s life show how easy life can be. Give clear instruction, and the Universe gives you what you want.
· · ·
Last month Perry noticed how much is going right in the world. He trends positive about most things. But that day, amazement was near constant. The world is getting better and better. Even if you think it’s not.
Feeling super-positive that morning, Perry checked his email. Two notification emails mentioned the same long time friend. Let’s call him Leon. One notification came via Facebook. The other via Patreon.
Leon follows Perry’s work with Copiosis. Turns out last night he decided to support Perry’s work. The Patreon email said Leon became a $20 monthly Patron.
Perry spent a moment enjoying that news. Then he wondered why Leon changed his mind after so long. So he contacted him.
Leon said he now gets the value and power of Perry’s positive focus. So he decided to support spreading the message.
It was interesting timing. Perry feeling amazement. Then checking his inbox. Then talking to Leon. Good news everywhere.
Leon shared his new-found perspective and understanding. Meanwhile, Perry dashed off a graphic illustrating his perspective. Life gets better and better. Even what appears negative serves life’s positive long game.
Perry’s friend agreed, then wrote this:
Perry thought that was a great idea. If someone could show tangibly, or “prove” what Perry knew is the case, it could help others “see the light” too.
Perry knows of course. For him, it’s not something he “thinks”. Nor is it something he “believes”. There’s a difference between “thinking”, “believing” and “knowing”.
When you “think” something, you’re supposing. It’s not knowing. You’re not sure.
When you “believe” something, you think you “know”. But there’s a difference between the two. Believe something long enough and you can know it. That’s because beliefs create reality (for the person who believes).
But knowing is distinct. It’s visceral awareness confirmed through personal life experience.
You’re Getting Everything You Want
Ever notice when you want something, yet don’t spend a lot of time or energy trying to make it happen, it happens faster?
You probably don’t notice. You’re not paying attention. So you miss how fast it comes.
It’s a lot like time. When you’re bored, you notice how slowly time passes. You watch the clock. Time seems like it runs backwards.
When you’re engaged and excited, time passes fast. You don’t notice it. When you notice time, like when you’re bored, it passes slow.
Now try this: look at your clock. Watch the clock until the minute changes. Notice how long it takes a minute to pass. Felt like a long time, yes? They say a watched pot never boils…
The same is true with what you want. The more you notice it’s not there, the longer it takes to come.
That’s because when you want something, you notice it’s missing. You think you focus on wanting that thing. But you can’t help notice the opposisite. What you want is not there.
Don’t pay much attention to the thing you want. It will come faster. That’s what happens now in your life. You don’t notice this though because it happens so quick. And because you aren’t noticing it.
In these cases, you notice something you want. Then forget about it. The larger part of you creates it instantly in your moment of becoming. Then it organizes events and people so you can have it in your “reality”.
Because you’re not paying too much attention you make room for the organizing. Then, voila! It shows up.
This happens a lot. So often you don’t notice.
For things you really want, though, it rarely happens this way. It can. But doesn’t.
The reason is obvious. You’re slowing things down. Now that you know what you know, you can fix it. It just takes practice.
· · ·
So here was Perry having this conversation. He agreed with Leon how cool it would be if someone objectively proved the world gets better. But Perry didn’t need this evidence. He knew already. So he didn’t care as much.
It would be nice though if someone did that work. Wrote a book perhaps…
That’s as far as Perry took it. Leon said he has a brother who has a Math PhD. He said he’d ask his brother if he’d look into it. Perry thought this was cool too, but didn’t think too much about that either.
After the conversation, Perry got ready for his dentist appointment. The conversation ended in time for him to get dressed, floss and brush his teeth and walk to the dentist about a mile away.
He arrived ten minutes before his appointment. It was a pleasant walk, in warm sunny weather. Everyone in the office was happy. At least everyone Perry talked with.
Usually, Perry gets his teeth cleaned by Sabrina, his hygienist. At the end of the appointment, the dentist does the exam. This time the dentist was busy with a difficult patient. Perry heard him talking with the patient in the other room. They were talking through an interpreter. The case sounded really difficult.
Next thing Perry knew, the dentist was there examining his teeth. The hygienist hadn’t finished. Perry asked the dentist what was up.
“I came in to see you now because I’ve got this difficult case over there,” the dentist said. “If I didn’t come do your exam now, it probably would be a while.”
This happens frequently. It’s like Perry’s the center of the universe. Little things remind him. Like a dentist’s Inner Being telling him to examine Perry’s teeth rather than making Perry wait.
Your life works this way too. The more you’re positively focused, the more evidence shows up that life is this way. Or rather, the more you can see that life happens this way. Because it is this way. You just can’t see it.
· · ·
After Perry’s appointment he walked home, teeth shiny and clean. At home an article caught his interest. It was about Andrew Yang, a democratic presidential candidate Perry follows. Two things happened at that point.
Several weeks ago, another friend introduced Perry to people belonging to this thing called the Intellectual Dark Web (IDW). Several of these people’s stories didn’t make sense. They seemed to be progressives, but progressives hated them.
He didn’t understand this. But wanted to. He also didn’t want to spend a lot of time trying to figure it out. So he didn’t.
On this day, though, he came across this article on Yang. It contained a link to another article. That article was about people in the IDW. The link answered all Perry’s questions. It even introduced Perry to a website created about these intellectual renegades.
Perry remembered a few weeks back thinking “I’d like to know more about what IDW is.” But didn’t pursue the answer. And here this article fell into his lap.
Notice the pattern. Perry having a positively focused day. Then a friend becoming a $20/mo. patron. Then a great conversation with that guy. Then a flawless dental appointment, followed by a wonderful walk home. Then an answer to a question he asked a week before. We’re showing you how to give the Universe your instructions.
· · ·
The next day, Perry was talking with someone who responded to a story he published on Medium. There, Perry shared the same pendulum graphic he shared with his friend on Facebook. The commenter wrote back, suggesting a book from the author Steven Pinker.
Perry never heard of this book or the author. When he read it, it amazed him.
Remember Perry’s friend, Leon, said it would be a good idea if someone proved what Perry knows? That’s what Steven Pinker did in his book! It describes exactly what Leon wanted to know.
In every life instant, amazing experiences are happening. A dizzying number.
Even in your life, these things are happening. You don’t recognize them if your awareness is limited by negative thinking. But the more positively focused you become, the better you see.
“Yeah, right,” you might scoff. “My life is busy. I don’t have time to stop and smell the roses. Get your head out of the clouds.”
Having your head in the clouds is the prerequisite to living life on cloud nine. Why do you think humans have the saying “living on cloud nine” in the first place? Or having one’s “head in the clouds”?
It’s not because it’s a fantasy. For some it’s real.
But that’s how life is supposed to feel for everyone. Not only a few.
On cloud nine, you live in bliss, you see evidence everywhere that your dreams are becoming real.
Not “becoming real” metaphorically like a dream. But in real life.
Out of life’s beautiful complexity, you meant to choose life experiences matching your dreams. You knew your life could match your dreams before you got here.
That’s why you’re here now.
As more dreams came true your life would feel unreal. More dreams would come true. Then more. Then more. And then you’d happily leave physical reality behind.
By “life” we don’t mean this life only. We mean all your lives. Lives you’re living in many dimensions. So many it makes no sense counting them.
But you’re human. As human, you narrow your larger awareness into this one human experience. It seems like you have only one life to live. You Only Live Once (YOLO), they say.
But they are wrong. You’re eternal. And you can know that as sure as you know you are reading this.
Many reading this would like what they’re reading to be true. They have trouble finding evidence of this in their lives though. They have no proof these words are accurate.
If you’re one of these readers, take heart. The only reason you don’t have evidence is your awareness is limited by beliefs you have. You can’t see the evidence because you don’t believe it’s there.
But evidence surrounds you. A quick story to illustrate.
Evidence Appearing Invisible Only Is When You Can’t See It
One day, after a week away on vacation, Perry’s wife Bridget came home, unpacked and checked in on her pet rabbit. She didn’t want to burden Perry with taking care of the rabbit while on vacation. She already had him taking care of the cats. So she had a friend do it.
During her vacation, she still worried about the rabbit. A lot. Bridget worries about a lot a lot.
At first, she didn’t know Perry was feeding and watering the rabbit. Even though her friend and Perry himself told her that.
Not long after she returned from her trip, even though only two hours had passed since Perry told her that he had been feeding the rabbit, Bridget, in a panic, sent this:
Now, here is the interesting thing. In the picture above, you see an empty food bowl. It could have been empty because the rabbit ate all the food. Either way, you don’t see the entire picture. This is how you might see your own life.
Below is a larger perspective of the entire rabbit cage. Notice the full food bowl on the left. It seems obvious Bridget should have seen the full bowl. The whole picture.
Logical right? Why didn’t she?
Because her beliefs prevented her from seeing it. That’s why. She said she worried her whole vacation about the rabbit. That worry created a reality where – for Bridget – the rabbit hadn’t been fed. Even though in Perry’s reality, the rabbit had been fed.
The point is, just because you can’t see evidence of something doesn’t mean it’s not there. It is. It only means you must learn how to see it. “Learning” usually means expanding your awareness beyond your beliefs. The best way to do that is by living with your head in the clouds. Or better said: living Positively Focused.
This is what we talk about through this blog. Positively Focused is more than a clever title. It’s the state of being required to see the evidence. Evidence of what?
Evidence you live a charmed life. That you live on cloud nine.
When you get Positively Focused, your vision gets clearer and clearer. Not only do you see plenty evidence. That evidence piles up so high life gets amazing.
Your larger awareness deluges you with cloud nine evidence. That includes lovers, material success, life satisfaction and fulfillment. If you’re not getting what you want, it’s because of where you believe. Just like Bridget couldn’t see a reality different from her beliefs.
Some will say disparagingly “this sounds like the movie The Secret”. Many think that movie was too material oriented. Some think it bullshit.
It left out a lot.
Your life experience isn’t about collecting a bunch of stuff. It’s about realizing you’re eternal. It’s about realizing your absolute control over your life experience. It’s about knowing, you create your reality. How do you know? Through experiencing yourself creating your reality.
Then it’s about taking that knowledge and creating your best life. Day by day, as you go along.
Material Pursuits Are The Spiritual Practice
Since “life” happens in physical matter, “things” can help you realize you create your life. This is why The Secret focused so much on “things”. Things and experiences are “the stuff of life”. “Physical” life is as “real” as “spiritual” life (i.e. nonphysical) gets. Because physical life experience is spiritual experience taken to its maximum experiential extent.
Physical life is the ultimate expression of spiritual life. At least it is to humans.
You knew that when you decided to become human. The ecstatic, profound immersion experience you have on Earth keeps you coming back.
Perry’s life demonstrates this truth to him all the time. His awareness is getting bigger. So he sees more evidence than most. Sometimes it’s little pearls. These are everyday experiences where life goes wonderfully.
And there are great big platinum/level experiences. Realizations that astound him. Perry knows both little pearls and platinum level experiences are the stuff of life. Both are equal in validity. None greater than the other.
The more he comes into his knowing, the more profound Perry’s pearls. And the bigger the Platinum-level realizations get.
That’s why Perry’s knowing is solid. His conviction too. Every realization, every manifestation that happens is one more brick in a gargantuan wall of evidence.
Sure, he still doubts sometimes. But those moments are rarer than ever.
You can know too. It just takes a little practice.
Perry writing now: it’s true. I once wanted to believe this stuff. But now, so much of what my Inner Being has told me has happened, it’s impossible not to know.
· · ·
Today, we want to share what happened one morning this past week. (the week we are writing this which is the week of March 24-29, 2019, even though it might not be published for a while)
We want to show you the small stuff, little clues Perry received. Remember, these are happening in such plenitude, it’s impossible to share them all. Perry would be writing nearly every moment about every moment!
We tell these stories to inspire readers. Not so you can copy what’s happening in Perry’s life. But so you can create your own snowflake. Your own unique, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious life experience consistent with what you believe would knock your socks off.
In other words, your own cloud nine.
Anything you want can be yours and is yours. You only must apply yourself so you become positively focused. Then you have it.
A Morning In Perry’s Charmed Life
On Sunday, Perry decided he wanted to get some camping utensils. He promised Bridget he’d also run to Trader Joes (TJs). Perry planned to go straight to TJs first. That would have been the logical order. Grocery shop before TJs got crowded. The other stops were closer to home.
But he got inspired to get the utensils first. Dick’s Sporting Goods was less than 10 minutes away. On his way, he got another inspiration: stop by this old cemetery even closer to home.
You’re following your Inner Being, larger perspective, god, or whatever you want to call it. Such guidance never looks like a straight-line destination to your goal. It’s always a roundabout trip. Many reasons explain this.
First, you’d get bored if things happened fast. In other words, you prefer the long route. Second your larger perspective is coordinating with everyone else’s. So often, a circuitous trip is necessary. That’s because, rendezvous with others must be coordinated. You get what you want, while participating others get what they want also.
So what looks like what Abraham calls a “wild goose chase” is actually purpose-designed, as you’ll soon see in Perry’s experience.
So Perry went to this Columbia Historical Cemetery. It was an interesting visit. When he arrived, he assumed he’d get inspiration for drone images or other photography. But he didn’t see anything inspiring. He stayed there maybe 15 minutes.
Then he headed to Dicks’. The utensils he wanted cost almost $20 at Dicks’. Ridiculous! Perry thought. He bought all three utensils previously for $1 each (a knife, fork and spoon) at REI.
Knowing he could get a better deal, he left. Now he could have gone to Amazon.com and get any number of sets. Some less than what he paid. The cost wasn’t the point. It was the journey that unfolded.
On his way out, he got his next inspiration: try out the outdoor store next to Dicks’. It caters mainly to conservatives. Being liberal in most respects, Perry tends to support liberal-minded stores. In this case, he didn’t second guess his intuition.
“Whatever” he said, and went in.
Despite is apprehension he received great and kindly service. He also found exactly what he was looking for, for exactly the same price he paid before, more than seven years ago. Only they were a nicer color.
So following his impulses, and not second guessing or prejudging them, gave him what he wanted. At a great price.
But that wasn’t all.
One dream Perry is allowing into his existence is owning a brand new Ford F-150 pickup truck. According to Abraham, you know you’re lined up with your desire when you see it everywhere.
Here’s an excerpt from Perry’s journal, written the day of this trip:
Then, on my way out [of the sporting goods store], my heart skipped a beat when I saw this gorgeous F-15. While I was taking these pictures (I didn’t miss this Source!) there were five other F-150s driving around me. It was pretty awesome. I get it too. I’m right on the verge of this realization. SO cool.
While Perry took pictures of this truck, five other F-150 owners drove by, at exactly the same time. A dark blue one, a silver one, two maroon ones and another white one.
This is why your desires unfold in a roundabout way. If Perry had gone directly to the sporting goods store, the six trucks simultaneous experience wouldn’t have happened. But because he followed his intuition, he arrived in that spot with perfect timing so he could have this experience.
After that Perry went to TJs. Even though the store was crowded, he had an in-and-out experience. He had a wonderful conversation with the checker and even got a great parking spot in the TJ parking lot. If you ever shopped at TJs, you know how tight their parking lots are! Especially at peak times.
Now, these experiences might sound like coincidence. They might sound like no big deal. And they are, until they start happening to you regularly. This was one day in a week of such experiences. We’ll share more next time.
· · ·
Our point today is, you’re surrounded by evidence of the charmed life you live. Your cloud nine life. If you don’t experience a cloud nine life experience, it’s not because you aren’t having one. You just can’t see the evidence.
The same way Perry’s wife couldn’t see the full rabbit food bowl.
You can live with your head in the clouds. It’s not a fantastical dream. It is reality for everyone. Most don’t experience it because they believe it’s fantastical.
Her films are gorgeous, quirky, thought-provoking art you either love or hate. But more important, Brit Marling’s career trajectory to film making stardom shows how you can find success simply by following your inner guidance.
Your inner guidance knows better than societal, parental or even your own ideas of how to become successful.
Kicking guaranteed success to the curb, she succeeded nevertheless.
Having trouble understanding the difference between following your inner guidance and doing the practical thing? Listen to Marling’s story.
Once a Goldman Sachs analyst, fast tracking in her mother’s footsteps on her way. But the job was making her sick. Doctors (supporters of the being “realistic”) had a fix.
But Marling had a better idea: she quit Goldman Sachs and pursued film making.
The result? Successful films, an outstanding series currently on Netflix and a life she won’t trade for anything. All not possible had she literally swallowed the (anti-depression) pill in order to stay at Goldman Sachs.
Everyone can have their own version of her story. But not when you’re thinking hard work is the way to success.
· · ·
But Perry, what about those who struggle, never realizing success the likes of Marling and others?
That’s why we need a better national infrastructure. One that makes it easy for people to follow their inner guidance. The reason so many fail following their inner guidance isn’t so much because they suck at it. It’s because society sucks at supporting them doing that.
That’s why “don’t quit your day job” is so popular. And so often followed.
That’s also why so many advise against following your inner guidance. Even though doing so can work, our infrastructure is built against people doing that.
But that’s changing.
Meanwhile, Marling shows the best human output comes from following one’s inner guidance. So the question is, are you following yours?
Conservatives have a LOT of basis for theirfear. A biological basis, as we pointed out here. The future – our collective future – offers lots too. It threatens everything they hold dear.
We therefore offer this guide to progressives. Progressives are best positioned to make history. Not by changing conservative minds. But by changing how they approachconservatives.
This guide presents a path forward. Life-changing, gratifying conversations with conservatives are possible. Conversations that can change opinions are too. These are sorely needed, but they’re not happening today’s social discourse. Not enough anyway.
This opinion-changing must happen on an individual-by-individual basis. Influence on such an insignificant level can change nations.
It’s amazing what happens when a person feels heard. It’s also amazing we get so many positive responses from conservatives, such as this one:
Progressives don’t need to change the world. They need to change their approach.
So what follows describes practical, sure-fire approaches. They will work.
However, you must practice them. Becoming genuinely proficient with them will transform your experience. Not only with your conservative fellow Americans, but anyone you disagree with.
But….and it’s a big one: if you’re not genuine in your desire to form real human bonds with a fellow human being; a human being you right now may consider your existential enemy, you will not get far. Your desire to connect with this other human must be sincere. These are not debating tactics.
Your Ground Rules
Before offering the approaches let’s set your ground rules. Your rules of engagement. Not engagement with the prospective conservative. We’ll talk about that later.
These rules of engagement are for how you will engage your humanity and your brain in service of your cause. Which is to connect meaningfully with a human you may currently consider your enemy and, through that connection, have an inspiring positive experience via conversation.
So here are your ground rules:
You will not allow words to trigger your well-honed sensitivity to offense. Words are just that. Words. You are not under threat. Even if a threat is offered, they are words. A real threat is immanent behavior likely resulting in serious personal injury. Not someone’s lips moving. Maintain your calm no matter what is said. Better yet, replace your sensitivity to offense with a healthy sense humor.
Your goal is connection. Not winning. You are not trying to persuade a conservative to become progressive. Conservatives serve a beneficial purpose within humanity. Your goal is connection. So you can fulfill your primary and secondary intents and commitments, outlined below.
Your primary intent/commitment is: understanding. You must be clear and rigid in your desire to hear, understand and inquire further into what the conservative believes.
Your secondary (but no less important) intent: finding commonalities between you and your conservative conversation partner.
Follow these ground rules while applying approaches described here. You’ll be stunned as you discover how human conservatives are. Your mind will expand and you’ll understand where conservatives are coming from.
You may even become genuinely compassionate towards conservatives. Rather than claiming to be compassionate while hating conservatives. Hate, annoyance, extreme frustration are not compassion. That’s hypocrisy. If you’re progressive.
Distinguishing The Context
Now let’s talk about context. To do so we’ll distinguishing two labels which describe communication between two people. People often confuse one for the other. Doing so, they get in trouble.
You want a conversation with the conservative. The word “conversation” may mean to you the same thing as “discussion”, the other word we’re going to clarify. But these words are NOT the same. They describe two totally different intents, processes, outcomes, contexts and feelings.
One aligns with your intent (presuming you’re wanting connection). The other does not.
You want conversation
“Conversation” is a talk, usually an informal one, between two or more people exchanging ideas. You know this. But you may not know the word’s origin. Words’ origins carry their meaning so much better sometimes than their definition. So let’s look at the origin of “conversation”. Here it is:
Interesting, eh? A conversation then, is something that ends with you having a feeling of “living among, or having intimate familiarity,” with the person with whom you have conversed. This is what you want. You want a conversation. Not a discussion.
Not a discussion
Let’s contrast conversation now with “discussion”. A discussion is “the action or process of talking about something in order to reach a decision or to exchange ideas.”
That sounds laudable. It’s not though.
Not in the context of making a connection with, and understanding another human being.
Discussions don’t breed familiarity. In discussions, you’re just throwing back and forth opinions. Discussions get you nowhere if you’re trying to connect.
But wait, there’s more.
People don’t generally understand what “discussion” connotes. Probably because, like “converstation”, they don’t understand the word’s origin. Here is the origin of the word “discussion”, the noun and verb so you get a clear picture.
So the intent of “discussions” is not to gain familiarity and a sense of living among the person you are speaking with. No. Its intent is “to examine by argument, to tear apart, shake or dash to pieces.”
Does that sound like the basis of connection?
We don’t think so either.
· · ·
Progressives and conservatives are not trying to connect. They are tearing each other apart. And the country along with them.
They are discussing. Not conversing.
If you want a groundbreaking interaction with a conservative, you’re going to have to move out of discussion mode and into conversation mode.
The Right Way To Approach Conservatives
So here are the approaches. They only work if you stridently refuse to be baited. Strive instead for connection and understanding (your ground rules).
If you can’t stick to the ground rules, it’s best you first practice with someone who can role play a conservative until you get the hang of it.
Ask more questions than sharing your opinion.
Express over and over your sincere desire to understand their point of view, not to exert yours, until they relent, i.e. realize you really do want to understand them.
Beseech your conservative to stick to answering your questions. If they avoid or refuse to answer your questions, keep (politely) redirecting the conversation back to your questions, or express vulnerability (we’ll offer an example in a moment) that may trigger them reciprocating.
When the conservative answers your question, offer sincere praise and appreciation. It is not standard practice for someone who is fearful and feeling defensive to answer a question, particularly one that demands they be vulnerable. Especially a question asked by someone the responder believes is the enemy of their values. So reward them for taking a risk.
When the person answers your question, and you have praised them, ask more questions. Offer limited information you may want to share. Instead, listen to the person’s answers.
When they answer, take in what they say. Chew on it, prepare a relevant response. Then offer the response in the form of a question or a polite rebuttal supported with examples.
If they ask a question, answer it. If you don’t have an answer, say so. Risk looking stupid. And if they call you stupid or a loser or whatever, remember ground rule number one.
Repeat these steps.
We’re not offering this in a vacuum. It has worked for Perry several times now to remarkable results. Not every time, but often enough to recommend them. We’re offering one complete example that happened on facebook. We’re offering this example because of the documented evidence. Anyone can look at it to see what happened.
Despite Perry misstepping in several moments, the conversation went quite well. Here’s an overview of it:
Perry offered the following Meme on his wall.
It’s inaccurate (which the conservative responders pointed out). But the purpose of sharing it was for conversation. Conversation did happen. It ended with the following statement. This from a conservative who at first expressed himself aggressively:
I enjoyed reading your post. We do have more in common it seems….I wish you much success in your endeavors!
This is where you want to end up. It won’t happen every time, but if you practice, you’ll get better at it. Perry screwed up in this facebook exchange a couple times. But he still ended with positive results in line with the above ground rules, objectives/intents.
So we know if you sincerely use these approaches, you’ll find yourself in a new reality. One where conservatives turn out to be human.
Just like you.
Don’t Get Triggered
People who believe conservatively have been trained to be tough. They live in a brutish world where it’s dog eat dog, and survival of the fittest.
Their manner of interaction feels like discussion. Confrontational, gruff, belligerent. Not conversational. At first.
So be prepared for rebuffs, snide accusations, and direct insults. It will sound like you’re talking to Alex Jones, Donald Trump or Rush Limbaugh instead of the person you’re talking with.
After all, for many conservatives, these people are their heroes. So of course they will pattern their discussion style on those peoples’ styles.
Intelligent conservatives, taking a cue from many conservative activist organizational playbooks, such as the college campus-focused Turning Point USA, will try to bait you into losing your control.
Don’t take the bait.
Compassion Wins. Always.
Self control is your best friend. Again, if you suck at self control, your best fallback is your leftie compassion.
But if “compassion” is just a word for you, or worse, something you believe you “can’t afford in these times”, which is actually something a progressive told Perry recently, then you’ve already lost.
There is always room for compassion. The best, most effective progressives – Jesus, Ghandi, MLK, Harvey Milk – have demonstrated this time and time again.
You must contain your disgust. You must respond with vulnerability. Even in the face of their disgust of you (and what they presume you believe).
For example, when Perry clarified errors a conservative made in interpreting Perry’s previous comment, the person offered the following:
I’d like to continue proving my points but you don’t seem too receptive to the logic I’m providing. Your idea of what a necessity is leaves me wondering how much of a privileged life you must have and probably still do live. Many people survive without an education and many walk to jobs or bike. Many live healthy lives without doctors and hospitals. It’s a shame that you don’t seem to have facts to support your assertions, or did I miss them somewhere in your previous posts? Again I appreciate your ‘opinion’ and respectfully disagree with most if not all of them. Assertions without facts to support them lead me to believe that all of your points are opinion based.
In response, Perry could have been triggered as a person of color, being accused of enjoying privilege. Instead, Perry offered vulnerability. How? By acknowledging his privilege:
So now let’s talk about my privilege, which is a funny thing to bring up IMO. But as I said, I’m more than happy to chat about whatever you bring up.
I am privileged. I live in a great country. It has ALWAYS been great. It also can be improved. I live in the west. I live in a democratic society. I get to live pretty much wherever my finances make it possible to live. I have a wife who loves me, pets who adore me. I enjoy the sunshine, the beautiful state of Oregon and all it has to offer. I enjoy clean air, a healthy body and mind. I enjoy clean delicious food my wife makes for me or I make. I enjoy an adventurous life, where I get to spend my time doing pretty much whatever floats my boat. My life is getting better and better as is my prosperity. I realize my eternal nature and from that I know anything is possible.
I’m also male. I’m a “black” male. I came into the world with the perfect timing such that I can enjoy both these in relative security and comfort (compared to other times). I’m also non-binary. I’m free of constraints of being “straight” (thank god!). I have the fluidity of thought to see the world from multiple perspectives, and not just human ones. I have the privilege to have time to think about life – ordinary day-to-day life, but also extraordinary aspects of life, such as what happens after death and how all that happens after death (and before birth) shapes what happens between birth and death. I have found those answers. From those answers, I know things a LOT of people don’t know. So yeah, I’m privileged. But no more than anyone can be. I can pretty much do right now, whatever floats my boats.
It just so happens, what floats my boats is creating a world where EVERYONE has the opportunity to do whatever THEY want to float THEIR boats….
You can’t be vulnerable if you’re triggered. You can’t offer cogent thoughtful replies either when you’re triggered. When you get triggered, you offer fodder confirming conservative beliefs about you and other progressives (liberals). Don’t be this guy:
Offer Food For Thought
Once you have earned their attention by thoughtfully, calmly and constructively listening to, and then expressing understanding, only then should you offer “food for thought”.
Food for thought is not telling them they are wrong. This isn’t about right and wrong. Your food for thought should be an attempt to surface their human connection to other humans…even ones they believe aren’t worthy of that connection.
So for example, when a conservative says people who don’t work are parasites and deserve to starve, you must figure out a way to show how a person can do whatever he wants (even not work, for example) but shouldn’t have to starve. Or worse, work a job but not afford healthcare.
If you can’t do that, you have no basis for making such a claim. And a conservative will tell you.
Some conservatives (many people actually) view people negatively. Conservatives particularly believe people are lazy good-for-nuthins. People must earn their living by doing productive work, they believe. These beliefs aren’t factual. They’re conditioned or taught, which is exactly what a conservative told Perry recently:
…Maybe it’s because i’ve been conditioned to believe a certain way or possibly my life experience has taught me to be cautious….
A good way to chart unknown territory with a conservative: appeal to their well-known territory (for the conservative). That is, talk about liberty. But not the way conservatives talk about it.
Liberty as you may know, is a major conservative talking point. But the kind of liberty (aka “freedom”) conservatives believe in is a kind of pseudo-freedom. It’s not really freedom as it is based on coercion: As far as conservatives believe, your freedom doesn’t extend to being a lazy parasite on society. Another way of putting that is: your freedom shouldn’t cost me or anyone else. So pull your own weight.
The response to this point is: “you’re right. And in the 21st Century no one’s freedom should cost anyone anything. This is the future. Everything is possible.”
· · ·
Perry likes offering this tasty morsel, which creates amazing moments that, at first, stupefies conservatives. But then leads to remarkable, real, conversations.
It begins with Perry’s definition of real freedom:
“A person who is really free can do nothing if that’s what they want to do. A person who wants to spend all their time learning to paint, play video games all day, or fish or whatever, can. And they can do those things (or anything else) without going hungry, living on the street, or getting care for their body (or mind) if necessary. If they’re free that is. They can also get all the education they need or want to learn or improve any skill while doing whatever they want without having to earn money to get those things. And…the person exercising their freedom can do so without anyone else having to do anything they don’t want to do to support that person.”
A definition like that will short circuit most people’s brains (conservative and progressive) namely because most people can’t figure out how this kind of freedom is possible. Perry explains how this is possible. Then shows how the world is careening towards exactly that outcome for everyone.
Your food for thought, therefore, must halt a conservative’s talking points in its tracks. It must get them genuinely thinking. Not spouting conservative boilerplate.
Another example: Perry was at a Starbucks recently. There he happened to sit in a nest of conservatives. That wasn’t his intent. It just happened.
One of the conservative’s asked “what do you do for a living?”
“I don’t do anything for a living,” Perry said. “I don’t believe my living requires me to do anything.”
This conservative’s friend, Mary, piped in.
“So you’re a socialist,” She said.
“No. I’m not,” Perry said.
“Then what are you?” Mary asked.
Knowing Mary was likely a conservative, and therefore Christian (which she was) Perry said “I am what Jesus is.”
That derailed Mary’s train of thought. Now Mary had to ask a question likely not included in her talking points:
“What do you mean?” She asked.
“I am that I am,” Perry said.
The conversation turned to Christianity. Perry is not Christian, but he is well-versed on fundamental accuracies upon which Christianity’s distortions are based.
So he was able to form a connection with Mary through her religious beliefs. Then he turned the conversation towards Christian compassion. He was about to ask Mary if her compassion extends to immigrants and if not why not.
But Mary ran out of time (she had to catch a plane).
Still, you can see, by not getting baited into a debate about “socialism” and name calling, and instead connecting with something Mary held dear (her Christian beliefs), Perry found room in between Mary’s boilerplate about people who she prejudges as “socialists”.
You can do this too.
And not only will the conversations you have stun you in their originality, you’ll learn that underneath all that lashing out, anger and conservative closed-mindedness is a human being wanting to be understood and connected with.
That is the short answer to this entire approach. Giving conservatives what they want, so their minds open.
· · ·
If progressives really want the world they want, they must find a way to give conservatives what they want.
Until you know what that is, you can’t give it to them. And you can’t know unless you understand them. And, you can’t understand them unless you’re willing to talk with them.
And finally, if your approach is based on not understanding justified conservative fear that they’re losing everything, and that’s why they are lashing out, you’re going to have a hard time having a conversation with them.
Rancor in America and elsewhere can be mended. But you can’t expect conservatives to make the first step.
Someone has to though. That someone can be you. And this guide can help.
You can have anything you want. Just realize how things happen in life, then follow that process.
A lot of people look for love in relationship. For many, that is illusive. But relationships, like everything else, are easy to get. So is love.
Everything Is Yours
You can have love you want with no effort on your part. Hard work is overrated. Especially in relationships. Digging through online profiles, going to bars and trying to find Mr. or Ms. “right” by swiping left, right or whatever are unnecessary steps.
By relaxing, having fun and enjoying life, you don’t have to do those things. Everything you want comes easily.
A friend of Perry’s wife demonstrated this over the last two years. That she had no idea it was happening shows how easy it happens.
Following explains how the process works. After that, we’ll tell Susan’s story, which shows how the process worked for her. Along the way, we’ll clarify points you should know so you too can produce similar results.
Getting everything you want is easy. Here’s how:
Come to accept what you have. No matter how bad you think it may be, you have to find a way to accept it. More than that, you have to embrace it and appreciate it. It may not feel this way, but your current situation is working out in your best interest. That attitude makes you positively focused. Stay negatively focused – complaining, talking about or getting angry about what you have – and you get more of what you have.
Pay attention to thoughts you receive that you aren’t thinking. Often, you receive thoughts you didn’t think. They feel like intrusions in your ordinary awareness. These are messages sent by your Larger Self. They come as suggestions, ideas, gut feelings.
Follow the suggestion, ideas, gut feelings. Intrusive thoughts are inspirations. You’re supposed to follow them. It’s ok if you don’t, but if you do, life becomes far more interesting, spontaneous, fun and easy.
Practice being happy as often as you can. By doing so you tell your reality that you want more happy experiences. Inspiration comes easier too.
Even if you don’t do these five steps, you’ll end up using the process because it’s built-in to living. It literally is “life”.
Like we said, Susan is not aware of this process (Step five) yet it still worked for her. That means it can work for you. More so if used deliberately. So now, let’s overlay these steps on Susan’s experiences so you can see how they work in practice instead of just theory.
It began with a crappy marriage
Susan had been married many years. That marriage was crappy by Susan’s admission. Her divorce was even worse. Contentious and frustrating, it ended with her “wasband” getting the better deal. That’s because she was the “breadwinner”.
Every negative experience serves the experiencer. So, every negative experience in the end is positive. Susan’s crappy marriage helped her figure out what she wanted.
For one, she realized she didn’t want to be in a relationship where she lived in the same house with someone else. In other words, she enjoyed living alone, having her own space, not having someone always around, but also being in relationship.
That’s good to know when looking for a partner.
All through the divorce, Susan criticized her “wasband”. She complained about the divorce process, her lawyers, his lawyers. The more she complained, the more she had to complain about. Her ex fought her more and more.
He started doing vindictive things. Like slashing her tires and manipulating ways to keep her from their dogs. Perfect examples of Step One.
From time to time Perry’s wife told Susan about this process. Like many people though, Susan preferred experiential learning. She doesn’t like being told what to do.
Neither does Perry’s wife. 🙄
Soon Susan stopped complaining as much. She got tired of it. By the time her divorce was finished, she accepted the process. Step One: check.
Inspiration Creates Evidence of “Better”
What Susan didn’t know was, her experiences with “wasband” helped her know things she wouldn’t have known had she not gone through them.
She knew she didn’t want another marriage. She knew she wanted her autonomy. And she knew what kind of relationship she wanted: one without the intertwined aspects of traditional relationships.
It was no surprise then what happened next.
A friend she knew when married turned into a boyfriend. Let’s call him Jake. Jake wasn’t a long-term perfect fit. But he was perfect for now. Meaning: he offered sexual intimacy, occasional company, friendship. Someone to hang out with, without commitment. Jake was also a known-entity. They knew each other for years. So it was easy to turn that friendship into more.
Jake was and is polyamorous. He was seeing other women. He didn’t tell Susan this until six months into their two-year relationship. Jake subscribes to a “don’t ask, don’t tell” relationship policy.
“If you don’t ask, I’m not going to tell you,” he says. Which is fine, if the other person knows this.
Susan didn’t know this. By the time she found out, she wasn’t happy about it.
She told Perry’s wife she really didn’t want to be in an open relationship. She didn’t like feeling “second fiddle” to who-knows-how-many other women who might be in Jake’s life.
But by the time she found out, it was too late. She had feelings for Jake.
There was more to Jake than Susan realized. Jake is fiercely independent, wicked smart, adventurous and a talented agitator/activist. He likes being his own person.
“I never ask people for anything,” he recently told Perry over tea. “Even if I have to go to a hospital. I’ll find a way to make it myself.”
That independence spills into his relationships. Jake thrives in relationships he controls. No wonder he prefers polyamory. Multiple opportunities foster independence.
Jake’s independence tinted his relationship with Susan too. He decides when she could come over. He decides when he comes to her house. If he has a date with someone else, he is not available. In many respects, Susan’s access to Jake was at Jake’s discretion.
That worked great for Susan for a while. In time, though, she resented this. She felt the relationship was going one way: Jake’s way.
In Susan’s words recently: “I thought I’d like this non-monogamy thing a bit better if I were to participate in it fully.”
So she decided to do something. A “good for the goose” thing.
What she before resisted, she now was warming up to. So much so she too sought extra partners.
One day she got an idea: a profile on OKCupid. Step two: check!
“In retrospect, I did it shortly after discovering that [Jake] had another lover…” Susan said.
Meanwhile, Susan fell in love with Jake. Jake was in love too. What Susan at first tolerated now she enjoyed. Even given the imbalance. Step One again.
She enjoyed her freedom, her autonomy. She now liked Jake having options. And she looked forward to having her own options. Men she could see occasionally and casually too.
Your Reality Is Under Your Control
You get what you’re ready for. The problem is, you’re never ready for something different than what you have, until you accept what you have. If you’re not happy with what you have, you can’t get what you want because you’re not ready for what you want. You’re complaining about what you have.
People think they know what happiness is. Happiness is not something that comes after getting what you want. Well, it does happen that way.
But it’s meant to be something you feel no matter what you’re experiencing. That’s because everything you experience serves your fulfillment. Yes, even what looks like negative experiences.
When you figure that out, your life is your conscious design. This unconditional happiness is your painter’s palette. Because when you’re happy, no matter what you have, you are ready for having what matches how you feel, AKA your life’s masterpiece.
Making Room For Even More “Better”
As Susan found herself mostly happy in her open relationship, she made room in her life for more of what she wanted. That created what happened next.
For a while nothing significant happened on OKC. She says she met three guys. She enjoyed meeting them. Otherwise, She said, the process was “drudgery”.
This is why we don’t support using dating websites. They can work. But they frequently don’t. In the meantime, they conjure too much negativity (frustration, impatience i.e. resistance to what is). That stretches out the time it takes to get what you want. It’s far better to be happy, enjoy your life and follow your intuition. Meeting your match that way is a happy, natural, surprising and enjoyable process.
Online dating for most people isn’t happy, natural or enjoyable.
Like many people though, Susan learned to accept the drudgery. Again, Step One.
That’s when one profile “stood out,” she said. “OKC estimated 99% compatibility, and I liked his photos and what he’d written.”
She was referring to this guy Susan brought to a small friends gathering. Let’s call him Carl.
They had almost everything in common. They finished each others’ sentences…laughed at the same things…it was like they had been together for years.
Carl wanted a monogamous relationship from the get-go. He said so in his profile. Susan’s profile didn’t say that. But Carl liked what Susan offered so much, he compromised.
This happens a lot. Insecure people compromise their ideas because they think they need to to get what they want.
That’s never the case. But impatience is a powerful thing. As is insecurity. When people can’t be patient they compromise. In compromising, the path leading to what they really want lengthens.
It’s not a problem because every experience is helpful. You’re also eternal, so you have plenty of lifetimes to get what you want. But if you exercise patience and follow the process above, what you want comes faster.
Time for a mental health break:
Susan Finds Freedom In Openness
Carl fell in love with Susan instantly, he says. And why not? She’s lovable!
Interestingly, Carl’s relationship behaviors contrasted Jake’s. Some would say this was coincidence. But it wasn’t. It resulted from everything Susan experienced up to then.
Carl wanted collaboration in relationship. While he didn’t like so much sharing Susan with others, he didn’t resist it. Not at first. Meanwhile, Jake got more controlling when he found out Susan had another lover. His insecurities, dormant while he controlled the relationship, now surfaced. This was a good thing. His insecurities invited everyone involved to become better versions of themselves. Carl included!
For example, both men had toothbrushes in Susan’s bathroom. Jake’s was in the toothbrush holder. Carl’s in the drawer. Carl imagined (rightly) Susan was hiding from Jake the fact that Carl sometimes spent the night. That chafed Carl.
Carl’s feelings were petty. So were Susan’s intentions. Susan was trying to protect Jake. To keep from triggering Jake’s insecurities. That strategy backfired. It only made both men more insecure and her frustrated.
She found both men’s insecurities unattractive. But she also enjoyed it. Through something she initially didn’t like at first (an open relationship), Susan found empowerment and freedom and choice and options.
In other words: Everything her marriage didn’t offer.
Insecurity Boils Over
One night Carl put his foot down.
He said he wanted monogamy with Susan. That surprised her. She had been clear from day one that’s not what she wanted. One day, Perry’s wife reminded Susan that two years ago a monogamous relationship was exactly what she wanted.
But Susan grew happy with her current situation (being in an open relationship). That’s step one. She missed step two, but the process still worked because she followed her inspiration posting an OKCupid profile (Step three).
And now she faced a new reality. One she wanted two years ago. Carl represented a great match: intellectually, physically and more. They really liked each other too.
Susan didn’t remember wanting monogamy two years ago. And yet, here she was, getting everything she wanted. Freedom. Choice. Two good men who both loved her, that she both loved. And an opportunity for monogamy.
Susan Got Everything, And Then Some. So Can You.
Intrigued with Carl’s request, she told Jake. Jake got even more insecure. Angry in fact that Susan was considering a monogamous relationship with someone else. Of course, he didn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship. He wanted what he had: his cake (Susan) and the opportunity to eat other cake.
But let’s look at what Susan created. In two years her life matched every desire she wanted.
She put her marriage behind her
She found a relationship that worked immediately after the divorce
That relationship brought interesting experiences, growth, adventure
She followed her inspiration
That lead to meeting Carl, a perfect match
Now she has not only an open relationship, but an opportunity for a closed one too!
In other words, Susan is getting everything she wants. And then some. Even though she didn’t realize what was happening.
Like we say, the process works for everyone. Even those unaware of it.
· · ·
Today, Susan is negotiating the best of both worlds. She loves both Carl and Jake. Both represent different desires she’s had over two years. Both men love her. Both offer different things. In other words, Susan is enjoying her love life as it brings her plenty of pleasure, adventure, love and more.
You can have your version of the same thing: plentiful experiences where what you want comes easily. It all starts with realizing you have a larger you from which to live your life. Then finding ways that connect you to that.
Life doesn’t have to be hard or a struggle. Love doesn’t either. And neither is, when you follow life’s really simple process.