Life is supposed to be fun. Fun and delightfully surprising.
What makes life that way are little things happening all day every day. Things I used to miss before I got Positively Focused.
Not every “manifestation” is a great, big wish-fulfilling, earth-shaking event. I know if I focus too much on trying to have those, not only do such events come less often, I miss the many, many little events that make life sweet fun.
I’ll try getting these little stories out the day they happen. Really though, these things happen so often, I can’t even capture them all in my journal. Let alone share them in my blog(s). Still, starting with what happened today, I’m going to try to share more of them…It’s fun sharing them.
· · ·
I needed to get groceries this morning. It’s thirty-seven degrees outside. Rain was predicted around 11. I wanted to go and get back before the rains came.
I noticed my skull cap wasn’t where I keep it. These days, when something seems missing, I don’t think of it as “lost”. Something seen as “lost” connects me with a reality in which that thing really is lost. Then I can’t find it.
Instead, I think “where is it?” then I let the question go. That way, I can tune into the reality in which the thing is there.
The basket where my bike and winter accessories live.
That happened with my skull cap. I kept getting ready. I walked over to the basket where I keep my winter gear. Knowing it’s cold outside, I reached for my riding mittens. One of the other gloves in the basket fell behind my camera bag sitting on the floor.
I reached to get the glove, got it, then felt something else there. Guess what it was?
That’s right, my skull cap.
No looking for it. The glove falling led me there. No effort on my part. That was cool. More cool though was having awareness of that. That made me smile.
Behind my camera bag. It’s darker than this. I had the lights on high to take the picture.
The second thing happened ten minutes later.
I keep a journal. Sometimes I include things like that skull cap event in there. I also write about bigger things that happen. I track my weight, walks and mindfulness minutes too through my “health/activity” app.
That app also tracks cycling. It connects to another app I use that records rides and runs. But I didn’t know how to connect the two apps.
Some of the data I keep track of in my journal.
Instead of trying to figure it out, I did the same thing I did with the skull cap. I asked the question, then let it go. A bit later and ready for the grocery errand, I opened the bike app. By “accident” I hit some feature. I don’t know what it was, but it brought up a screen I hadn’t seen before.
My Inner Being said “look at the screen”. So I did.
It had two features that were disabled. I enabled them. Presto! My two apps were connected.
I just tried finding that riding app screen real quick, but I don’t see it. It doesn’t matter though because the two apps are now connected. Easy peasy!
That’s how life is. Easy peasy. It’s supposed to be that way. Little magical events like these make it so. Being Positively Focused, I see these events happening near constantly. Which they are. But I miss them if I’m not Positively Focused. And so, for me, life is exactly as it’s supposed to be. Fun!
The best way to make lots of money flowing into my life is by not thinking about it.
Seriously.
I’m not a master at this yet. But I’m getting better as I gain confidence in what I’m doing. Or, rather, how I’m being…
I know my beliefs about money and finances are getting better too. I can tell by what’s showing up more often in my reality.
I’m sharing this life example because of its pertinence. It shows how by not thinking about money, money flows into my life in unexpected and surprising ways.
• • •
Making lots of money flow can be as effortless as anything else. It just takes practice. Being Positively Focused is key. Not thinking about money at all helps too.
I’ll explain why at the end. For now, here’s the story. It’s really cool!
When Money Doubles Without Me Lifting A Finger
This story happened last month.
I have a project called Copiosis (the main website is undergoing a redesign. Link goes to the Facebook page). It’s a world-changing economic system I know would be fun to live in. Someone once called Copiosis “the world Jesus would create were he to return”.
Be that as it may, I know I can create a world better than the one I live in now. Copiosis is my expression of that knowing.
A lot of people follow what’s happening with Copiosis. They want to live in that kind of world too.
And who wouldn’t want to?
Who wouldn’t want to live in a world where all your basic food, shelter, education, healthcare and basic clothing were provided at not cost to anyone, where you’re debt-free and can never get in debt, where you own your home (if you want) and follow your passions, get rich without that costing you anything?
I think nearly anyone would.
Some people are so excited about Copiosis, they throw money at it. Over the six years I’ve been sharing it, people have sent me “gifts”. They range from a few dollars up to $100,000 and everything in between. Some have supported Copiosis ongoingly via a monthly patron plan. Others contribute their time and expertise.
I use money people send me to grow the organization and further share the idea online. I know one day Copiosis will evolve out of capitalism to become the dominant socioeconomic model on the planet. I’m excited to be its spokesperson.
One person following Copiosis is really passionate about it. Let’s call him Joe. Like many, Joe has advocated for it online. But he’s also made presentations about Copiosis at events in Europe.
Joe believes he’s meant to help make Copiosis a reality. Many people come to Copiosis feeling that. But Joe’s a bit different. He has a lot of Bitcoin (BTC).
In late October, Joe was talking about wanting to donate some of his Bitcoin somewhere.
Not thinking about money, I suggested he give whatever organization he wants to give it to the actual bitcoin. Not cash.
That way, when the bitcoin appreciates, they’ll have more money than his original donation.
I really did think he would give the money to another organization. Not Copiosis. That didn’t bother me one bit because there’s plenty of money coming to all the things I’m doing.
That conversation I described above happened on October 8.
Then, on October 13, Joe asked me for my Bitcoin wallet address.
I gave it to him, not thinking at all that he was sending me bitcoin. This is where the story gets real interesting…
Joe then goes away for nine days.
On October 24, he sends me a message. He’s sent me .3 BTC and wants me to check that I got it. A third of one bitcoin doesn’t sound like much. Unless you know about Bitcoins…
Since I don’t think much about money, I hadn’t checked my BTC wallet for a long time. In fact, I hadn’t looked at my wallet for over 18 months!
If you know about bitcoin wallets, they have to synch all the blockchain transactions over time. So it’s best, if you want to be up on things, to keep your wallet up to date.
But I don’t think about money, so I hadn’t keep it up to date. 😳
So when I open my wallet, it’s not up to date. It’s syncing transactions from July 2016! It’s going to take two or three days for my wallet to synch.
I’m not worried about this. I don’t really care. I know the bitcoin process is pretty bulletproof. And besides, my Inner Being’s got this.
Joe’s not too sure though. He’s worried the money went to someone else’s account. He’s worried it got lost.
Joe doesn’t know what I know.
Joe doesn’t know worrying is using one’s thoughts to create a reality one doesn’t want.
But that’s ok in this case. My thought momentum dominates our relationship. He can’t create the reality he’s worrying about with enough momentum to effect my reality because my positive focus won’t allow that.
I try to soothe Joe, but he’s not having it. He want’s me to reach out to my wallet’s support desk. I tell him there’s no need.
The next couple days I don’t hear from him. I’m not worried. I’m not even enthusiastic about the money. I’m not thinking about it at all.
That’s When Things Get Really Interesting
Here’s the cool thing. When he sent the .3 BTC, in US Dollars at the time, he sent about $2,700. That’s a nice one-time gift.
My wallet was synching for two or three days after he sent it.
While it was synching, I couldn’t do anything with it. I couldn’t check the transactions. I couldn’t transfer BTC or cash in or out.
That’s ok though because I wasn’t thinking at all bout this money. 😂
I was thinking about someone else’s money, interesting enough.
I was thinking about the wallet I found in the street on my route. I wanted that person to not worry about her money and other valuables. I was busy hunting her down so I could return her wallet. I wrote a couple posts about this recently. You can read them here and here.
In the meantime, BTC took a nice surprising uptick. By the time my wallet finished synching, that $2700 had more than doubled!
I received $5500!
Joe was astonished.
But I wasn’t.
This is how things work when I’m aligned with my Inner Being though a positive focus. I connect with my Inner Being’s stream of insight and awareness. Through that I get impulses, urges to act…or not act. Acting on those impulses creates in nonphysical reality connections that, when allowed, turn into real-life experiences.
Experiences matching my desires.
• • •
My Broader Perspective also knows all probable futures. Isn’t it interesting that Joe sent his bitcoin to me just before this uptick happened? Just in time for the uptick to double his gift? Don’t you think it’s also interesting that my wallet had to synch, and that process happened over the exact time period the uptick happened?
So long as I don’t resist this natural flow, this connection I enjoy through positive focus, I real-ize all kinds of wonderful life experiences. Life experiences consistent with what I want.
That’s because when I identify something I want, my Inner Being grabs hold of that and makes it reality for it in nonphysical, which then must become my reality.
And so long as I don’t resist that flow, it will become my reality. It must. That’s how the Universe works.
It doesn’t matter if it’s wonderful weather, relationships, nice little surprises people think are “coincidences”, or a pile of money that doubles in size over two days!
Everything is possible when I connect with my Inner Being.
Money Is Not Freedom Unless You Believe It Is
I know humans equate money to freedom. I used to too.
Money does make possible a lot.
The problem with that association is, if you don’t have money (or as much as you’d like) and you believe money is associated with freedom, then you’re stuck kinda.
Because if you believe money is associated with freedom and you don’t have it then it’s easy to feel not free.
I know feeling not free is contrary to what my broader perspective knows about me. In nonphysical, money is not associated with freedom. Freedom is our natural state. That’s also true in physical reality.
But conflating freedom and money in our beliefs creates realities consistent with that.
If you don’t have money, you don’t feel free.
And if you don’t feel free, you create a reality consistent with the beliefs generating that feeling.
And since your beliefs associate freedom with money, you can’t allow money into your life experience because you don’t feel free.
If you associate money with freedom, like I used to in the past, first you must conjure the feeling of freedom. Which is what I’ve been doing for a while.
But really, the easiest way is not thinking about money at all. Which is what I’ve been doing recently.
Here’s why I do that instead of trying to conjure the feeling of freedom in order to get money.
My Inner Being Already Knows I Want It
I know my Inner Being knows everything I’m wanting, where it is and how to lead me to it. This includes all kinds of money. Since it already knows the what, where and how, I don’t have to think about it. I only have to be Positively Focused.
When I’m Positively Focused, I’m best aligned with my Inner Being’s perspective. And so I receive impulses upon which I act. When I act upon them, I draw into my reality, from an infinite variety of probable and alternative realities, experiences consistent with what I want.
I write about this all the time in this blog.
The thing is, I’m more tuned into my Inner Being’s signals on some subjects than I am tuned in on other subjects. I know subjects I’m not so in tuned into my Inner Being with are improving.
Money is one of those latter subjects.
But, I know I’m getting better at soothing old beliefs and tuning into my Inner Being’s signals about money because of life experiences just like the one above. Money is flowing more easily these days.
I also know I’m getting better because of how I feel, how my days are going, the kind of people I meet and what happens in life. I’m getting more positive things happening having nothing to do with money.
And since the Universe is holistic, I know as these other things improve, so are my beliefs about money. Therefore I don’t need to think about money.
In fact, the less I think about it, the less likely I’m likely to energize my old ideas about money.
I know what I’m doing is working. I don’t think very much about money because I know money is flowing to me. This story was a nice indication of that. It feels great receiving it. And that great feeling I feel is what I focus on.
Not money.
I know doing that is bringing more of everything I’m wanting in to my life experience. Including a great big pile of money!
So why do I need to think about it, when I can just be happy and get it?
Loving the job you have blurs the lines between that and doing a job you love. I know humans create their reality. So when a person hates the job they have, they can’t get to the job they’d love. They’re focusing on the job they don’t like and have. So they’re creating more of that.
It’s only by finding aspects of the job they have that they can love that they begin tuning their reality to include having doing a job they love.
The same is true for money. The same is true for relationships. The same is true for everything. This I know.
It all begins with being positive, happy and celebrating what is in my now, now. Then, I watch. Because then I see tiny clues that my reality is changing into that which I want.
It’s gradual at first (like everything in physical reality). But like everything in physical reality that becomes more (plants growing bigger, children turning to adults, clouds dissipating into clear blue skies), in time, evidence becomes overwhelming.
Then I find myself in a new reality. The one I created.
But I know I can’t get to that new reality while focused on a reality I don’t like.
Good news: Every reality, no matter how bad it is, also contains elements worthy of joyful attention. I find those. That’s how I change all circumstances into that which I’m wanting.
I know my stories and beliefs about the world create the world. I also know my stories and beliefs are right there, in the forefront of my conscious mind. So it’s easy to see what my future is going to be. I only need to think about what I’m thinking, and believing. And saying.
Soothing thoughts creating realities I don’t want is precious. It’s precious because that’s how I create desired reality.
For example, I know it’s not a given that certain conversations about things have to be tough. There are infinite versions of such conversations in nonphysical representing probable and alternate versions of said conversations.
The conversation has already happened. The question is, which version am I drawing into my experience?
There are versions where such conversations turn into arguments. Versions where they become fist-fights. And there are versions where they’re pleasant, easy and productive too.
The conversation can be hard. But it can be easy too. And fun!
That’s how I want them to be. Pleasant, easy, productive.
The key to creating realities I want instead of ones I don’t is understanding the “Moment of Becoming” (MOB). Then drawing the desired reality I want through that so it becomes my life experience.
Every event, every thing, every interaction began first as a thought. The vast majority of events, things and interactions happen with little conscious attention to how they become.
That’s because Humans aren’t aware of what you’re reading. They’re literally overcome with “reality stimulation”.
So they create their individual and collective life experiences without their conscious participation. Which is why so many get the life experiences they have.
I know it is possible to create events, things and interactions on purpose. The way I want them to happen. I know I can create people the same way. That’s what I want. That’s what I’m learning more how to do.
I know, and you know, reality can be created on purpose. Things like inventions, art and such happen like so. Especially things we buy. Creators of those things go through a creation process not too dissimilar from the one creating reality. Those creations are reality.
I know the same process works for my personal life experience. Everything else too. This personal experience is how I’m practicing making “creating” a regular part of my life experience in this time-space reality. While at the same time refining my creative prowess in other dimensions. Including nonphysical.
Imagine what life can be like when I’m creating on purpose and it unfolds as I’ve intended! It’s happening more and more already.
That’s why I’m excited about life more and more. And more Positively Focused too. The more Positively Focused I am the more life creates according to my purpose.
The more that happens the more thrilled I get. I want to have more. So I get even MORE Positively Focused. Then life gets MORE like how I want it. So I want even more…
It’s the best positive feedback loop ever!
The positive feedback look that is my waking reality.
Ok…Back to conversations…it’s a great example of how to be Positively Focused.
• • •
Last night my housemates came home well after 10 p.m. Ten begins the “quiet hours” of the day here at the house.
But they weren’t quiet. They had been out drinking and were loud. I had gone to bed at 11 p.m. I woke to their noise. At first I was irritated and annoyed.
My first thoughts were negative about the experience. They’re what I call Thought-Reactions.
Ugh, they’re so loud
I hope this isn’t going to be a normal thing
Don’t they know it’s the quiet hour?
I’m going to have to talk with them about this.
Ugh, I bet that conversation will not go well
But then I noticed the emotions “irritation” and “annoyance” for what they are.
I knew those emotions meant I wasn’t seeing this experience the way I see it from my Broader Consciousness. Another way of putting that: I was seeing this situation through my old beliefs/stories, rather than beliefs/stories supporting my desired future reality. Emotions I felt were telling me my focus was creating not on purpose.
So I sat in bed, and started thinking different thoughts. I literally made them up, which is what creation is.
I thought thoughts consistent with future experiences I want to have with my housemates.
All future experiences exist right now, alongside the present moment, in the Moment of Becoming as all things do, including probable and alternate pasts, presents and futures. So having them become my reality is a simple process of aligning my thoughts and beliefs so they’re consistent with the reality I want to have.
Here’s how I did that.
First, I thought thoughts that soothed old thoughts I had about my housemates. I could be brief because I caught the momentum early:
I can tell hey had a good time
I’m glad they enjoyed themselves
They’re not always this way…
Then I turned my attention to thoughts about me and what I want:
This is a great opportunity
I’m glad I’m having this experience
It’s giving me an opportunity to practice what I preach 😌
I enjoy seeing that this is actually a positive experience
Without this experience, I wouldn’t have had the opportunity to practice!
I love practicing creating reality!
I love seeing this practice create positive results!
This is a great opportunity I’m giving myself!
Pay attention to what you’re feeling as you read each statement set. As you do, maybe you’ll feel the subtle but real energetic difference between the thoughts. Which thoughts feel better?
Thoughts draw to themselves thoughts like them. All thoughts want to express the fullest version of themselves…right into physical reality. That’s why inventors, artists, writers, etc., get inspiration. An idea “grows” in nonphysical. It’s seeking its full spiritual expression which is physical expression. When it gets to a certain point, it draws to it physical circumstances most likely matching its desire.
Voila! A great invention, work of art or masterpiece! Or a conversation aligned with the creator’s intent.
It’s how reality happens! An accumulation of “thought” energy sufficient enough to move that energy “forward” into physical expression.
So I know this work at 1 a.m. last night was valuable work.
And doesn’t that mean that my housemates arrival and loudness also was valuable?
Their coming in late catalyzed opportunity to create new future experiences while simultaneously changing past experiences.
Similar past experiences in which I created that first set of negative Thought-Reactions.
It would be easy as I write this to think of past experiences like this one where I felt annoyed and irritated.
Instead of thinking about them now, I’m thinking about that probable future.
The future that I’m creating. The future I want. Where I have a conversation with them that’s light, fun, happy and productive.
And I’m adjusting thoughts and beliefs about that conversation. How it’s going to go. More important: How I’ll feel in it.
Then I’m focusing on those emotions: vibrant, alive, eager, happy, positive, influential, encouraging… As I do, new thoughts come to mind. Images too.
Thoughts and images about how to communicate with them, what the conversation looks like. How fun it will be. How we’ll joke and laugh about it all.
I know that when I’m creating reality, the right combination of thinking (telling stories), beliefs (stories with a lot of momentum behind them) and emotion is key.Editing stories and beliefs, which means catching myself when thinking beliefs that create my reality, then changing them by creating preferred stories/thoughts/beliefs that will create my desired reality, is the first step. Sometimes it’s easier pinning the emotion. Beliefs sometimes seem hidden.
I’ll get to that.
Next, turning my attention to emotions which come up as I tell the new stories focuses/amplifies the inexhaustible energy that is what I am. It puts that energy into motion.
That forward motion draws energy like it. In time, so long as I’m aligned with that energy, what I desire must be.
Because all ideas seek their fullest expression. And their fullest expression in this-time space reality is physical.
This is the way a reality creator creates.
• • •
Consider the movie business. A movie producer/director begins first with the idea. Then imagines it expanding into more. Then she writes it down. She creates a script or screenplay. Then she assembles her team and equipment to make it.
The tangibles – the team, the actors, the equipment, and the actual ready-to-view movie, come after the idea is well under way.
She doesn’t start with a finished physical movie, then try to adjust the characters, the scenery, give crew direction, write the script, the camera angles the lighting, etc., after the movie is already made!
That’s what Humans do though. Instead of working with that which creates their reality (their thoughts and beliefs) they try changing the movie itself (the reality they experience).
A producer starts first with an idea.
In the same way, I know I create my reality. I’m most effective when I plan my moments in advance.
My tangibles are thoughts/beliefs/emotions. They are my connection to my Broader Consciousness flowing in nonphysical and always focused on orchestrating what I’m wanting.
My Broader Consciousness delivers what I want in wonderful ways. It is my production crew. And it’s top notch. There’s no movie it can’t create for me. Just look at my dreams!
My Broader Consciousness is me. My Broader Consciousness is my extended self. Too big to fit in physical reality and yet always there focused on me because it is me! And it loves what I’m doing here. Always!
In the same way a movie producer begins with an idea, I know I create reality the same way.
I start first with an idea. Energizing it with thought momentum combined with the powerful energy of my emotions. Then I wait for the right inspiration to act.
Acting or actions aren’t the way things happen. The “happen” has already happened. Acts are the path through which I rendezvous with that which has happened.
⬆️⬆️ That paragraph is worth re-reading. ⬆️⬆️
Beliefs/stories are always available in consciousness. They are not buried in some “subconscious” or “ego” or some other hidden place as psychology would advise.
Beliefs/stories only look invisible when they’ve become so active they do two things: 1. They stop being in my awareness because they have become “true” for me. 2. They’ve moved so far forward into expression that they stop being beliefs and show up as my reality!
In other words they ARE true for me. So true I can see them, touch them, feel them. Hear them. Experience them.
By focusing on how I feel in any given moment, I’m aware of the reality I’m creating. Emotions will lead to beliefs which seem hidden but aren’t.
They are easy to find once I know how to look. “Find” isn’t the right word though because beliefs/stories are right in the open expressed as my reality. I know the best place to hide something is right in the open. That also makes “hidden” things easy to “find”.
Creating reality is fun now that I know how it happens. All creators get aid from the best positive feedback loop ever.
But what’s really fun is diving into the process, playing with the tangibles and seeing my movie unfold before my eyes.
Follow up: two nights ago, I had that conversation with my housemates. It was the best creation ever! It started with us just chatting about the day. They happened to all be sitting in the living room so I joined them after pre-paving my reality. After some fun and laughter about our days and life in general, I got the intuition to say the perfect thing which lead to a wonderful outcome about that night that prompted this post.
Our newest housemate just broke up with his girlfriend. He was heartbroken. So my other two housemates took him out for solace. Getting drunk is what some people do to forget for a time. 🙄
My new housemate apologized as did the others. Then we went right on chatting about all kinds of topics including spirituality, wealth, entrepreneurship and more.
It was the best conversation ever. Just as I had intended.
Last time I wrote about Joe (not his real name) a client who met his ideal match in a transgender woman. Joe was excited about this. He felt the Universe designed this gathering.
It did.
But the “why” wasn’t what Joe thought.
This post details what happened after Joe’s initial excitement and enthusiasm. It also sheds more light on our framework. Why it is so powerful. And why we guarantee our results.
Let’s get started.
• • •
By his ninth session, Joe’s enthusiasm disappeared. He was low-energy. Not the excited person from our cancelled seventh session.
Turns out Cassandra (not her real name either), the transgender woman he met, hadn’t spoken to him in a while. Despondent, Joe had all kinds of negative explanations about why. Explanations about the experience. Explanations about himself. Negative explanations about the Positively Focused approach.
Joe’s grumpiness matched all these beliefs. He thought something went wrong with the framework.
Nothing went wrong.
Instead, Joe’s life experience showed him what he must change if he wants his ideal partner. The key to Joe finding his perfect relationship is, he must become a match to that relationship.
Joe is not yet a match to what he wants. So he drew to himself someone who matches where he is now. The gift of this perfect relationship connection is, it showed this to him.
The framework works. That doesn’t mean Joe liked what he saw.
Had he been able to, he would have benefitted even more from the experience.
Life is eternal. You always get more chances so nothing is lost. Nothing goes wrong. Ever.
The relationship with Cassandra didn’t show up as the relationship Joe wanted. But it did show Joe many of his disempowering beliefs.
And it showed him how his relationship behavior matches those beliefs.
For example, Joe moved too fast. His beliefs about relationship scarcity had him cling to this relationship. As if there weren’t going to be any others.
Out of his desperation to have a relationship, he asked Cassandra if she was seeing anyone else, implying energetically, of course, that he’d prefer he be the only one she was seeing.
After all, he wasn’t seeing anyone else. But the reason he wasn’t seeing anyone else wasn’t because he had other opportunities. It’s because he is grasping desperately for THE relationship. Instead of enjoying life. He’s also focused on the absence of relationships.
So he doesn’t have any.
When Cassandra said she was seeing others, Joe played it off. But it was obvious in our call that answer was not the right one. It did match Joe’s beliefs though. 😃
• • •
Beliefs create reality. Belief momentum can’t be avoided. That’s not how life works.
To slow old belief momentum, a person must create new beliefs. New beliefs which, over time, will build enough momentum in their own right. Meanwhile, old belief momentum deactivates. They have less effect on reality. Including one’s behaviors.
Joe didn’t focus on new beliefs after that exchange. That focus takes effort, which is why we offer our framework. Joe is only starting. So he doesn’t realize yet how to check in with his emotions early enough to halt old belief momentum.
It’s a rare skill among people. Hardly anyone has the discipline and rigor to do such work on their own. Hardly anyone understands why we have emotions in the first place. We offer our framework for that reason.
So rather than focusing on new beliefs he is working on in our sessions, Joe allowed his old ones to continue creating his reality.
Disappointment he felt isn’t about how the relationship turned out (it ended). Although that’s what Joe thinks is the reason he’s disappointed.
He feels disappointment (and frustration and sadness and impatience) because he’s focusing on his reality. The reality his old beliefs are creating. Realities not matching what he wants.
Again, Joe is just starting. So he doesn’t get how important it is to understand the purpose of emotions. So instead of using his emotions the way they’re intended, he tries to behave in spite of them.
Meanwhile, his behavior faithfully creates outcomes matching his old beliefs.
For example, one night frustrated in not hearing from Cassandra, Joe drunk-dialed her.
That didn’t go well.
Drunk-dialing is a classic knee-jerk reaction to strong negative emotions triggered by negative beliefs about relationships playing out in physical reality. Thinking that behavior brings relief, people drink to numb the emotion.
But alcohol amplifies negative emotion. It adds momentum to beliefs. That momentum draws to it beliefs like it. Beliefs are living things. Not just words. Beliefs like company. They draw to themselves beliefs like themselves. That’s how Belief Constellations happen.
That’s also why drinking to numb pain usually begins a downward spiral. When it comes to a “failed” relationship, that spiral often includes drunk-dialing.
Remember, in the last post I cautioned Joe about what was happening. I said Cassandra was a perfect match to Joe’s beliefs. That she is a perfect match is an excellent indicator.
What do I mean by that?
I mean, Joe got to see exactly how his beliefs create his reality. A reality which includes transgender women not all that interested in Joe for Joe.
To Joe, she seemed interested. At first. But later she wasn’t.
• • •
By our ninth session, Joe was not in a good place at all. He couldn’t see the extraordinary benefit of a relationship like the one he got.
One day, Cassandra contacted him after a long absence. He said she asked him to pay for something for her. Joe didn’t have the money. He hasn’t heard from her since telling her so.
Of course, Joe’s old beliefs showed up again. “That’s all she wanted me for”, He told me during our session.
That belief can be extended more broadly about all his relationships with transgender women, women who usually are sex workers.
Joe left session nine pretty negative.
If Joe continues the work, this could be a turning point for him. His beliefs are screaming out loud. Now that he has some grounding in how beliefs create reality, he is getting first hand experience in his own living laboratory how beliefs do that.
He’s not happy about that.
But this is the process. It’s how it works.
I reminded Joe his unhappiness is an emotion telling him something important. It’s telling him his beliefs about this situation aren’t consistent with what’s really happening.
Again, of course, Joe didn’t want to hear this. He defended his beliefs as “true”, which they are. But he refused to understand that they are only true because his beliefs have created a reality consistent with them. They are no more true than any other belief he might tell often enough to create momentum and a new reality consistent with that.
And that is the work. Using one’s life experience as a living laboratory, our framework shows clients how to tell new stories. New stories told frequent enough so they become beliefs. When that happens, one’s reality changes to match the new stories.
Then they have a new truth. A life experience that contains everything they want.
Including their ideal partner.
Joe is continuing the work. We’ll see whether his relationship with Cassandra was the last one he’ll let his old stories dictate.
In only six sessions learning the Positively Focused approach, a client of ours created the perfect relationship with his ideal woman.
In this post and the next, I’ll dissect what happened. This is how it can happen for anyone. In the next post, I’ll detail what happened next.
Joe (not his real name), contacted us through our free 1:1 offer. Like many clients, he desperately wants a relationship with a specific kind of woman. Desperation is not a great place from which to meet someone.
But it is a great place to examine your stories. And how your reality reflects back to you stories you’re telling.
Information Joe got from the free 1:1 convinced him the next step was worth the money. So he engaged us in our 1:1 offer.
• • •
The first few sessions involved exploring beliefs producing behaviors he didn’t like. He frequents working girls late at night or in early morning dark hours.
Some of these girls were/are drug-addicted. Others treated him like crap. Others treated him nicely. He has a mix of experiences reflecting his mix of beliefs about relationships and life, and women too. About himself too.
We explored how his beliefs create these experiences. Joe realized beliefs he didn’t know he had. Beliefs triggering desperation he felt about finding a partner. The same beliefs creating his experiences with women, including the kinds of women he met.
Desperation isn’t new to Joe. Some times in his life desperation (and the associated emotion “pain”) got so intense he contemplated suicide. Alongside relationship desperation, Joe also feels desperation about his life, his job and about himself. Beliefs triggering these feelings include one common to A LOT of people. That belief is “I’m not worthy of having what I want.”
• • •
I know how deep beliefs can be. They connect with other beliefs, creating Belief Constellations or weaving through and shaping life experience.
It wasn’t surprising then when I found through our next sessions that Joe’s mother herself was and may still be drug addicted. She also had a working girl past.
No one comes into life experiences that are “too much to handle”. Everyone chooses the experience they get before they get it. Hardly anyone understands this.
At Positively Focused, we help people understand why and how that is. Then we show them how to use that awareness to get joy and satisfaction from life and relationships. The same joy and satisfaction they knew they would get when they chose human life experience.
Beliefs create our reality. This includes beliefs we focus on before becoming human. These beliefs set up birth circumstances. Including the parents we are born to.
I explained why a person like Joe would come into the world through a parent who has sex work and drug addiction as part of her life experience. I described how those experiences create momentum. And how that momentum creates the reality he has. It wasn’t an easy conversation. But Joe got it.
I know when you pull at one belief, many others get uncovered. By our fifth session, Joe realized more long-running beliefs. Beliefs about his unworthiness as a person. Beliefs about how the women he wants won’t accept him for who he is and what he has (and doesn’t have). Beliefs about feeling stuck in his job. Feeling shame about where he is in life.
In other words, beliefs a lot of humanity secretly shares. Some beliefs you may share.
What’s great about this work is, once beliefs get uncovered, sometimes they start resolving on their own. They kind of lose their grip when exposed to the light of conscious awareness. Automatically, again in some cases, new beliefs get born from that exposure. Those new beliefs can create explosive positive results.
That’s what happened to Joe.
• • •
Before our sixth session, Joe texted me. He said he needed to cancel our meeting. I asked why. He explained he met a woman, was going on a daytime date with her and was excited about the potential. A daytime date was unusual for Joe. As I said, he typically meets women at night.
“Yes I’m actually hanging out with a new trans woman friend of mine,” he said via text. “We met Tuesday and hung out a couple of times and have been talking since. I like her a lot. She’s treats me well.”
I wasn’t surprised by this. This is how things work when someone starts seriously looking at their beliefs. But I was also concerned about Joe.
That’s because Joe got results we promise. But he doesn’t know something important. His old beliefs are still active in his life experience. So it’s a sure bet this transgender woman he met has her own beliefs. Beliefs matching Joe’s. Beliefs she may not be aware of.
So I clued him in:
Joe responded that he already has been seeing some of those signs. That’s why, he wrote, “I’m working to be the best version of myself. The work that you and I are doing is working!!! 😀”
Joe said when they first talked, they realized they both needed each other.
“I know the Universe orchestrated our meeting,” he wrote. “I was finishing up at a warehouse where I picked up a load and she was finishing work around the same time and we were really near one another….”
Joe added that he already can see how his beliefs about women have changed because, he said, “along with being very kind and cool person, she has a good job, makes good money and has a nice place in a nice neighborhood.”
Indeed.
I know the Positively Focused approach is not mainstream. That’s why Positively Focused guarantees results. Joe’s example is normal. Anyone can meet their match and enjoy a relationship that works for them. It just takes changing your beliefs so that you can meet the person you want. The person who is waiting for you. Your perfect match.
But so is everything else you’ve wanted in life. Minus the struggle. Minus the sacrifice.
