It’s a common belief, especially among Americans, that people who don’t work, deserve to be broke. People on government subsistence programs are especially judged.
Usually American conservatives are judging. They say such people are “lazy drains on society”.
In a sense, they are right. Such people aren’t paying attention to the belief constellations they’re building around themselves, which creates the reality they have.
But there’s another reason too. One the rest of us can do something about.
One reason such programs are necessary is because civilization makes such programs necessary. A civilization is possible where such programs aren’t necessary. Such a civilization could enrich everyone, no matter what they’re doing. And, said enrichment doesn’t have to cost anyone anything.
That last part is important. I’ll revisit that later. In short, our beliefs create our reality. Everything is possible. But not if you don’t believe everything is possible. And a lot of us don’t believe everything is possible. But it is.
· · ·
I get to talk with many conservatives. I’ve learned a lot. Their criticism against such ideas as “we can have a civilization where everyone is rich, no matter what they do” feels valid to them. They call such beliefs “unrealistic progressive utopian fantasies”. They call their believers “socialists”, “libtards” or worse. I’ve found there are a couple reasons for this.
One, they worry such ideas could wreck what we currently have. It’s a “don’t break what’s working” mentality. Or, a “move slow so you don’t break what’s working” mindset.
That’s legit. Throwing out what’s working isn’t smart. Don’t quit your day job, right? Especially if you believe a day job is the only way to consistent income. It’s not the only way. But it is the only way if you believe that.
The “unknown unknowns”, as Donald Rumsfeld once called them, that conservatives worry about keep them from entertaining ideas progressives believe are needed. Given unforeseeable negative future consequences, these new ideas aren’t worth considering, they say.
Looking at some alternatives offered, I get that concern. But they’re not all bad.
But there’s a bigger reason conservatives push back against progressive ideas. Whether it’s my idea or Alexandria Ocasio Cortez’s Green New Deal, conservatives believe they’re unnecessary. And so not worth paying for. Especially (and this is critical) if they have to do the paying.
Mitch McConnell. He’s not evil. He just doesn’t think America needs progressive improvement. And, he doesn’t want to pay for it if it does. (Photo: U.S. Government)
So their legit concerns over practical matters spills over into a distorted selfishness. Their caution becomes an argument for keeping things the same. And their wallets full.
It’s not these people’s fault. Their belief constellations say the world’s working for everyone. Those it’s not working for? That’s their fault. Why change it? Meanwhile others say it’s not working. These folks want to change it.
Who’s right?
Both are. The world is working for everyone. And, the world can always be improved.
For sure, it’s unfair to say all conservatives feel the world is fine. It IS fair to say though that some progressives believe the world is fine. Particularly rich ones. And some conservatives believe that too.
Beliefs Determine Our Civilization
I know human civilization reflects our collective belief constellations. Our collective belief constellations create what we call society. Which is why I know changing infrastructures and institutions often compounds problems rather than fixing them.
Infrastructure – government, laws, etc., I’ve learned are ideas made manifest. Ideas are beliefs prepared to be shared. I can’t change a physical structure in my personal life and expect real change while ignoring beliefs I have underlying said structure.
For example, if I’m trying to change my financial status through action, I may become monetarily successful. But if my beliefs about finances and money still reflect lack, then it’s likely whatever success and money I have realized will go away. Real change happens at the ideological level, i.e. one’s beliefs.
Our collective mindset is humanity’s biggest impediment. It shapes our civilization, which in turn, reinforces everyone’s opinion. That’s because humans like looking at the world as it is, then form an opinion of what they see. That opinion collects about it similar opinions, becoming a constellation of opinions or beliefs. Eventually that collection of beliefs is reflected into the world they’re looking at.
An excerpt from an email I received from Presidential Candidate Andrew Yang emphasizing what you just read.
They could form an opinion first, then watch as civilization shapes to that. That is what visionaries do. It’s what everyone who changes the world does.
Everyone else constrains their opinion to what they see. The more what they see negatively effects their wallet, the more intense their opinion. Their opposition too.
Which is why some conservatives, but not all, express crazy-sounding views about their fellow humans. They are crazy views. Unless you agree with them.
For example, a conservative I was talking with recently compared certain people to drone bees. He said, like drones, people on subsistence programs, or otherwise not “pulling their weight” are worthless drains on productive people. Productive people meaning, like himself:
“Drones, whether bees or other creatures, produce nothing of value. Well, that’s not entirely true – one male bee may get lucky and impregnate the queen of the next new colony. But even that contribution to production is indirect; the male doesn’t produce honey, the females do”.
Distortions fill this opinion/belief. It also shows how such distortions become people’s truths. Even though they’re distortions.
It is inaccurate, for example, to suppose drones “produce nothing of value”. Or even limited value. If that were the case, drones wouldn’t exist.
A beautiful drone brimming with value (By Epgui – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, File:Drone bee (32-image macro stack).jpg)
Drones do exist. Which means they have intrinsic value. Nothing that exists is value-less. If it were, it wouldn’t exist. After all, every thing is All That Is. Would All That Is waste its energy creating something of no value?
Of course not.
People sometimes look to science for understanding. But science is mostly wrong about what it knows. I’m not a science denier. I understand science. Possibly more than most lay people.
Science has some things right. But what it gets right is minuscule compared to total knowledge. It’s also small compared to what it thinks it knows as right. In other words, some things science thinks it knows right aren’t. And a lot of what it could know, that could be helpful, is not interesting to science:
Most of what science knows (blue circle + yellow circle) is wrong. Only a small part of what it knows (yellow circle) is accurate. Critical information about the Universe is uninteresting to science. That’s why much of what it thinks it knows is right is wrong.
Science has proven this over and over. It’s amazing to me people get angry when I say this, when it’s so obvious.
For example, science at one time “proved” blacks were inferior to whites. It “proved” homosexuals were mentally ill*. It claimed many different species as extinct that aren’t. Finally, science largely does not understand the role drone bees play. At least in this case science admits what it doesn’t know.
I’m not saying science is worthless. It has value. It exists :-). But let’s not let it alone dictate opinion. For it is often wrong. More often than it is right.
· · ·
Life’s plenty looks wasteful/valueless. So many drone bees. All those seeds a single tree produces with only a few becoming trees. All those leaves falling to the ground each fall. Leaves humans have to rake up.
…But every seed, every tree, every leaf is purposeful and valuable INTRINSICALLY.
Humans are too.
Human Beings Are “Value” Made Material
Here’s what that means, dear reader. Even though you or science may not yet believe it. That human you’re looking at, then claiming has no value, is value in and of itself. It doesn’t “have” value. It “IS” value.
If it wasn’t, the human wouldn’t be.
Which brings us to this post’s headline.
As with drone bees, leaves or any other physical reality, humans you believe are worthless are immense value. You just don’t recognize, understand or want to acknowledge it. That’s ok. You don’t have to.
We also can change civilization. So everyone gets what they want, without it costing you anything.
That last part’s worth repeating. That person you think is worthless, whether progressive, conservative, lazy or not, can get everything they want. They can enjoy wealth. Without doing what you think they must to get it.
That can’t happen in today’s society. That’s because it’s based on beliefs that aren’t true. Well they are, but only in our current version of civilization.
Outside that they’re completely and utterly false.
· · ·
The only thing slowing down progress is this: people’s persistent belief that this civilization is the only one worth having.
You may think that. But there are far more people who believe different.
And those people are winning. Which is why you see so much churn today. We can have less churn as we progress. But alas, humans love drama.
Progress is going to happen whether you want it to or not. The question is, how will you relate to it? Will you go kicking and screaming, reviling your fellow human along the way?
Or are you going to enjoy the process? Maybe even get positively focused?
Your beliefs shape your response. Another question: do you realize that?
We shared a day in Perry’s life where small “pearls” prove he lives on cloud nine. The less effort you put into trying to get what you want, the easier life gets.
Other people are key. The Universe coordinates other people coming into your life. People showing up are pathways to what you want. The Universe puts them there according to your instruction. When you give it clear instruction, your desires come fast. That’s how life gets easy.
Drawing by the author
Today we’re sharing more examples from Perry’s life show how easy life can be. Give clear instruction, and the Universe gives you what you want.
· · ·
Last month Perry noticed how much is going right in the world. He trends positive about most things. But that day, amazement was near constant. The world is getting better and better. Even if you think it’s not.
Feeling super-positive that morning, Perry checked his email. Two notification emails mentioned the same long time friend. Let’s call him Leon. One notification came via Facebook. The other via Patreon.
Perry gets a notification that “Leon” has become a patron
Leon follows Perry’s work with Copiosis. Turns out last night he decided to support Perry’s work. The Patreon email said Leon became a $20 monthly Patron.
Perry spent a moment enjoying that news. Then he wondered why Leon changed his mind after so long. So he contacted him.
Leon said he now gets the value and power of Perry’s positive focus. So he decided to support spreading the message.
It was interesting timing. Perry feeling amazement. Then checking his inbox. Then talking to Leon. Good news everywhere.
Leon shared his new-found perspective and understanding. Meanwhile, Perry dashed off a graphic illustrating his perspective. Life gets better and better. Even what appears negative serves life’s positive long game.
Perry’s graphic showing life’s pendulum.
Perry’s friend agreed, then wrote this:
Perry thought that was a great idea. If someone could show tangibly, or “prove” what Perry knew is the case, it could help others “see the light” too.
Perry knows of course. For him, it’s not something he “thinks”. Nor is it something he “believes”. There’s a difference between “thinking”, “believing” and “knowing”.
When you “think” something, you’re supposing. It’s not knowing. You’re not sure.
When you “believe” something, you think you “know”. But there’s a difference between the two. Believe something long enough and you can know it. That’s because beliefs create reality (for the person who believes).
But knowing is distinct. It’s visceral awareness confirmed through personal life experience.
You’re Getting Everything You Want
Ever notice when you want something, yet don’t spend a lot of time or energy trying to make it happen, it happens faster?
You probably don’t notice. You’re not paying attention. So you miss how fast it comes.
It’s a lot like time. When you’re bored, you notice how slowly time passes. You watch the clock. Time seems like it runs backwards.
When you’re engaged and excited, time passes fast. You don’t notice it. When you notice time, like when you’re bored, it passes slow.
Now try this: look at your clock. Watch the clock until the minute changes. Notice how long it takes a minute to pass. Felt like a long time, yes? They say a watched pot never boils…
The same is true with what you want. The more you notice it’s not there, the longer it takes to come.
That’s because when you want something, you notice it’s missing. You think you focus on wanting that thing. But you can’t help notice the opposisite. What you want is not there.
Don’t pay much attention to the thing you want. It will come faster. That’s what happens now in your life. You don’t notice this though because it happens so quick. And because you aren’t noticing it.
In these cases, you notice something you want. Then forget about it. The larger part of you creates it instantly in your moment of becoming. Then it organizes events and people so you can have it in your “reality”.
Because you’re not paying too much attention you make room for the organizing. Then, voila! It shows up.
This happens a lot. So often you don’t notice.
For things you really want, though, it rarely happens this way. It can. But doesn’t.
The reason is obvious. You’re slowing things down. Now that you know what you know, you can fix it. It just takes practice.
· · ·
So here was Perry having this conversation. He agreed with Leon how cool it would be if someone objectively proved the world gets better. But Perry didn’t need this evidence. He knew already. So he didn’t care as much.
It would be nice though if someone did that work. Wrote a book perhaps…
That’s as far as Perry took it. Leon said he has a brother who has a Math PhD. He said he’d ask his brother if he’d look into it. Perry thought this was cool too, but didn’t think too much about that either.
After the conversation, Perry got ready for his dentist appointment. The conversation ended in time for him to get dressed, floss and brush his teeth and walk to the dentist about a mile away.
He arrived ten minutes before his appointment. It was a pleasant walk, in warm sunny weather. Everyone in the office was happy. At least everyone Perry talked with.
Usually, Perry gets his teeth cleaned by Sabrina, his hygienist. At the end of the appointment, the dentist does the exam. This time the dentist was busy with a difficult patient. Perry heard him talking with the patient in the other room. They were talking through an interpreter. The case sounded really difficult.
Sabrina the hygenist all up in Perry’s grill. (Photo by the author)
Next thing Perry knew, the dentist was there examining his teeth. The hygienist hadn’t finished. Perry asked the dentist what was up.
“I came in to see you now because I’ve got this difficult case over there,” the dentist said. “If I didn’t come do your exam now, it probably would be a while.”
This happens frequently. It’s like Perry’s the center of the universe. Little things remind him. Like a dentist’s Inner Being telling him to examine Perry’s teeth rather than making Perry wait.
Your life works this way too. The more you’re positively focused, the more evidence shows up that life is this way. Or rather, the more you can see that life happens this way. Because it is this way. You just can’t see it.
· · ·
After Perry’s appointment he walked home, teeth shiny and clean. At home an article caught his interest. It was about Andrew Yang, a democratic presidential candidate Perry follows. Two things happened at that point.
Several weeks ago, another friend introduced Perry to people belonging to this thing called the Intellectual Dark Web (IDW). Several of these people’s stories didn’t make sense. They seemed to be progressives, but progressives hated them.
He didn’t understand this. But wanted to. He also didn’t want to spend a lot of time trying to figure it out. So he didn’t.
On this day, though, he came across this article on Yang. It contained a link to another article. That article was about people in the IDW. The link answered all Perry’s questions. It even introduced Perry to a website created about these intellectual renegades.
Perry remembered a few weeks back thinking “I’d like to know more about what IDW is.” But didn’t pursue the answer. And an article about IDW fell into his lap.
Notice the pattern. Perry having a positively focused day. Then a friend becoming a $20/mo. patron. Then a great conversation with that guy. Then a flawless dental appointment, followed by a wonderful walk home. Then an answer to a question he asked a week before. We’re showing you how to give the Universe your instructions.
· · ·
The next day, Perry was talking with someone who responded to a story he published on Medium. There, Perry shared the same pendulum graphic he shared with his friend on Facebook. The commenter wrote back, suggesting a book from the author Steven Pinker.
Perry never heard of this book or the author. When he read it, it amazed him.
Remember Perry’s friend, Leon, said it would be a good idea if someone proved what Perry knows? That’s what Steven Pinker did in his book! It describes exactly what Leon wanted to know.
Of course, Perry told Leon.
Now it should be mentioned a LOT of people disagree with this book’s thesis. We do too. So does Perry. Reality is SUBJECTIVE. You make it what it is. That “what is” is “for your eyes only”, which is a really great James Bond film…
The point is, the planet and reality are both “big”. Big and sophisticated enough to hold all perspectives.
Which is why Perry needs no objective evidence for his knowing.
Still, were all these events, which happened in the course of a few days, coincidence?
We know the answer is “no”. So does Perry. Perry knows when you’re positively focused, life is this way. It’s this way for people who aren’t positively focused too. But they don’t see it.
They don’t see it because what they’re getting is consistent with their life-view. See the world as negative, the world is that way. If you think things can’t change, they don’t.
Life gets better for everyone. Even negative people. But not nearly as fast as it could.
In every life instant, amazing experiences are happening. A dizzying number.
Even in your life, these things are happening. You don’t recognize them if your awareness is limited by negative thinking. But the more positively focused you become, the better you see.
“Yeah, right,” you might scoff. “My life is busy. I don’t have time to stop and smell the roses. Get your head out of the clouds.”
Having your head in the clouds is the prerequisite to living life on cloud nine. Why do you think humans have the saying “living on cloud nine” in the first place? Or having one’s “head in the clouds”?
It’s not because it’s a fantasy. For some it’s real.
But that’s how life is supposed to feel for everyone. Not only a few.
On cloud nine, you live in bliss, you see evidence everywhere that your dreams are becoming real.
Not “becoming real” metaphorically like a dream. But in real life.
Out of life’s beautiful complexity, you meant to choose life experiences matching your dreams. You knew your life could match your dreams before you got here.
That’s why you’re here now.
As more dreams came true your life would feel unreal. More dreams would come true. Then more. Then more. And then you’d happily leave physical reality behind.
By “life” we don’t mean this life only. We mean all your lives. Lives you’re living in many dimensions. So many it makes no sense counting them.
You only live once…or do you?
But you’re human. As human, you narrow your larger awareness into this one human experience. It seems like you have only one life to live. You Only Live Once (YOLO), they say.
But they are wrong. You’re eternal. And you can know that as sure as you know you are reading this.
Many reading this would like what they’re reading to be true. They have trouble finding evidence of this in their lives though. They have no proof these words are accurate.
If you’re one of these readers, take heart. The only reason you don’t have evidence is your awareness is limited by beliefs you have. You can’t see the evidence because you don’t believe it’s there.
But evidence surrounds you. A quick story to illustrate.
Evidence Appearing Invisible Only Is When You Can’t See It
One day, after a week away on vacation, Perry’s wife Bridget came home, unpacked and checked in on her pet rabbit. She didn’t want to burden Perry with taking care of the rabbit while on vacation. She already had him taking care of the cats. So she had a friend do it.
During her vacation, she still worried about the rabbit. A lot. Bridget worries about a lot a lot.
At first, she didn’t know Perry was feeding and watering the rabbit. Even though her friend and Perry himself told her that.
Not long after she returned from her trip, even though only two hours had passed since Perry told her that he had been feeding the rabbit, Bridget, in a panic, sent this:
Now, here is the interesting thing. In the picture above, you see an empty food bowl. It could have been empty because the rabbit ate all the food. Either way, you don’t see the entire picture. This is how you might see your own life.
Below is a larger perspective of the entire rabbit cage. Notice the full food bowl on the left. It seems obvious Bridget should have seen the full bowl. The whole picture.
Logical right? Why didn’t she?
Because her beliefs prevented her from seeing it. That’s why. She said she worried her whole vacation about the rabbit. That worry created a reality where – for Bridget – the rabbit hadn’t been fed. Even though in Perry’s reality, the rabbit had been fed.
The point is, just because you can’t see evidence of something doesn’t mean it’s not there. It is. It only means you must learn how to see it. “Learning” usually means expanding your awareness beyond your beliefs. The best way to do that is by living with your head in the clouds. Or better said: living Positively Focused.
This is what we talk about through this blog. Positively Focused is more than a clever title. It’s the state of being required to see the evidence. Evidence of what?
Evidence you live a charmed life. That you live on cloud nine.
When you get Positively Focused, your vision gets clearer and clearer. Not only do you see plenty evidence. That evidence piles up so high life gets amazing.
Your larger awareness deluges you with cloud nine evidence. That includes lovers, material success, life satisfaction and fulfillment. If you’re not getting what you want, it’s because of where you believe. Just like Bridget couldn’t see a reality different from her beliefs.
Some will say disparagingly “this sounds like the movie The Secret”. Many think that movie was too material oriented. Some think it bullshit.
It left out a lot.
Your life experience isn’t about collecting a bunch of stuff. It’s about realizing you’re eternal. It’s about realizing your absolute control over your life experience. It’s about knowing, you create your reality. How do you know? Through experiencing yourself creating your reality.
Then it’s about taking that knowledge and creating your best life. Day by day, as you go along.
Material Pursuits Are The Spiritual Practice
Since “life” happens in physical matter, “things” can help you realize you create your life. This is why The Secret focused so much on “things”. Things and experiences are “the stuff of life”. “Physical” life is as “real” as “spiritual” life (i.e. nonphysical) gets. Because physical life experience is spiritual experience taken to its maximum experiential extent.
Physical life is the ultimate expression of spiritual life. At least it is to humans.
You knew that when you decided to become human. The ecstatic, profound immersion experience you have on Earth keeps you coming back.
Perry’s life demonstrates this truth to him all the time. His awareness is getting bigger. So he sees more evidence than most. Sometimes it’s little pearls. These are everyday experiences where life goes wonderfully.
Material pursuits are a spiritual practice (Photo: Zoe Holling)
And there are great big platinum/level experiences. Realizations that astound him. Perry knows both little pearls and platinum level experiences are the stuff of life. Both are equal in validity. None greater than the other.
The more he comes into his knowing, the more profound Perry’s pearls. And the bigger the Platinum-level realizations get.
That’s why Perry’s knowing is solid. His conviction too. Every realization, every manifestation that happens is one more brick in a gargantuan wall of evidence.
Sure, he still doubts sometimes. But those moments are rarer than ever.
You can know too. It just takes a little practice.
Perry writing now: it’s true. I once wanted to believe this stuff. But now, so much of what my Inner Being has told me has happened, it’s impossible not to know.
· · ·
Today, we want to share what happened one morning this past week. (the week we are writing this which is the week of March 24-29, 2019, even though it might not be published for a while)
We want to show you the small stuff, little clues Perry received. Remember, these are happening in such plenitude, it’s impossible to share them all. Perry would be writing nearly every moment about every moment!
We tell these stories to inspire readers. Not so you can copy what’s happening in Perry’s life. But so you can create your own snowflake. Your own unique, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious life experience consistent with what you believe would knock your socks off.
In other words, your own cloud nine.
Anything you want can be yours and is yours. You only must apply yourself so you become positively focused. Then you have it.
A Morning In Perry’s Charmed Life
On Sunday, Perry decided he wanted to get some camping utensils. He promised Bridget he’d also run to Trader Joes (TJs). Perry planned to go straight to TJs first. That would have been the logical order. Grocery shop before TJs got crowded. The other stops were closer to home.
But he got inspired to get the utensils first. Dick’s Sporting Goods was less than 10 minutes away. On his way, he got another inspiration: stop by this old cemetery even closer to home.
First trip: to the cemetery instead of Dick’s
You’re following your Inner Being, larger perspective, god, or whatever you want to call it. Such guidance never looks like a straight-line destination to your goal. It’s always a roundabout trip. Many reasons explain this.
First, you’d get bored if things happened fast. In other words, you prefer the long route. Second your larger perspective is coordinating with everyone else’s. So often, a circuitous trip is necessary. That’s because, rendezvous with others must be coordinated. You get what you want, while participating others get what they want also.
So what looks like what Abraham calls a “wild goose chase” is actually purpose-designed, as you’ll soon see in Perry’s experience.
So Perry went to this Columbia Historical Cemetery. It was an interesting visit. When he arrived, he assumed he’d get inspiration for drone images or other photography. But he didn’t see anything inspiring. He stayed there maybe 15 minutes.
Then he headed to Dicks’. The utensils he wanted cost almost $20 at Dicks’. Ridiculous! Perry thought. He bought all three utensils previously for $1 each (a knife, fork and spoon) at REI.
Knowing he could get a better deal, he left. Now he could have gone to Amazon.com and get any number of sets. Some less than what he paid. The cost wasn’t the point. It was the journey that unfolded.
On his way out, he got his next inspiration: try out the outdoor store next to Dicks’. It caters mainly to conservatives. Being liberal in most respects, Perry tends to support liberal-minded stores. In this case, he didn’t second guess his intuition.
“Whatever” he said, and went in.
Despite is apprehension he received great and kindly service. He also found exactly what he was looking for, for exactly the same price he paid before, more than seven years ago. Only they were a nicer color.
So following his impulses, and not second guessing or prejudging them, gave him what he wanted. At a great price.
But that wasn’t all.
One dream Perry is allowing into his existence is owning a brand new Ford F-150 pickup truck. According to Abraham, you know you’re lined up with your desire when you see it everywhere.
Here’s an excerpt from Perry’s journal, written the day of this trip:
Then, on my way out [of the sporting goods store], my heart skipped a beat when I saw this gorgeous F-15. While I was taking these pictures (I didn’t miss this Source!) there were five other F-150s driving around me. It was pretty awesome. I get it too. I’m right on the verge of this realization. SO cool.
While Perry took pictures of this truck, five other F-150 owners drove by, at exactly the same time. A dark blue one, a silver one, two maroon ones and another white one.
The truck Perry is attracting into his life experience, spotted in the sporting goods store parking lot.
This is why your desires unfold in a roundabout way. If Perry had gone directly to the sporting goods store, the six trucks simultaneous experience wouldn’t have happened. But because he followed his intuition, he arrived in that spot with perfect timing so he could have this experience.
After that Perry went to TJs. Even though the store was crowded, he had an in-and-out experience. He had a wonderful conversation with the checker and even got a great parking spot in the TJ parking lot. If you ever shopped at TJs, you know how tight their parking lots are! Especially at peak times.
The final entire trip.
Now, these experiences might sound like coincidence. They might sound like no big deal. And they are, until they start happening to you regularly. This was one day in a week of such experiences. We’ll share more next time.
· · ·
Our point today is, you’re surrounded by evidence of the charmed life you live. Your cloud nine life. If you don’t experience a cloud nine life experience, it’s not because you aren’t having one. You just can’t see the evidence.
The same way Perry’s wife couldn’t see the full rabbit food bowl.
You can live with your head in the clouds. It’s not a fantastical dream. It is reality for everyone. Most don’t experience it because they believe it’s fantastical.
Brit Marling (right) talking with friend Zal Batmanglij. (Photo: maybeMaybeMaybe, CC BY-SA 2.0)
Her films are gorgeous, quirky, thought-provoking art you either love or hate. But more important, Brit Marling’s career trajectory to film making stardom shows how you can find success simply by following your inner guidance.
Your inner guidance knows better than societal, parental or even your own ideas of how to become successful.
Kicking guaranteed success to the curb, she succeeded nevertheless.
Having trouble understanding the difference between following your inner guidance and doing the practical thing? Listen to Marling’s story.
Once a Goldman Sachs analyst, fast tracking in her mother’s footsteps on her way. But the job was making her sick. Doctors (supporters of the being “realistic”) had a fix.
But Marling had a better idea: she quit Goldman Sachs and pursued film making.
The result? Successful films, an outstanding series currently on Netflix and a life she won’t trade for anything. All not possible had she literally swallowed the (anti-depression) pill in order to stay at Goldman Sachs.
Everyone can have their own version of her story. But not when you’re thinking hard work is the way to success.
· · ·
But Perry, what about those who struggle, never realizing success the likes of Marling and others?
That’s why we need a better national infrastructure. One that makes it easy for people to follow their inner guidance. The reason so many fail following their inner guidance isn’t so much because they suck at it. It’s because society sucks at supporting them doing that.
Many people write articles about NOT following your inner guidance. Why is that?
That’s why “don’t quit your day job” is so popular. And so often followed.
That’s also why so many advise against following your inner guidance. Even though doing so can work, our infrastructure is built against people doing that.
But that’s changing.
Meanwhile, Marling shows the best human output comes from following one’s inner guidance. So the question is, are you following yours?
There is rancor in America and elsewhere. No time more than today is communication proficiency, self control, presence of mind and command of intention needed.
Also needed: compassion, honesty, openness and vulnerability.
When a human being is scared, they do and say irrational things. Scared people try controlling environmental factors by any means necessary. If they’re scared enough, they’ll get violent.
These acts are typical for any human. Not only conservatives. Progressives verge on similar insecurity-fueled irrationality. The Anti-facists are a great example.
But progressives have no basis for their fear. They are winning.
Conservatives have a LOT of basis for theirfear. A biological basis, as we pointed out here. The future – our collective future – offers lots too. It threatens everything they hold dear.
We therefore offer this guide to progressives. Progressives are best positioned to make history. Not by changing conservative minds. But by changing how they approachconservatives.
This guide presents a path forward. Life-changing, gratifying conversations with conservatives are possible. Conversations that can change opinions are too. These are sorely needed, but they’re not happening today’s social discourse. Not enough anyway.
This opinion-changing must happen on an individual-by-individual basis. Influence on such an insignificant level can change nations.
It’s amazing what happens when a person feels heard. It’s also amazing we get so many positive responses from conservatives, such as this one:
Progressives don’t need to change the world. They need to change their approach.
So what follows describes practical, sure-fire approaches. They will work.
However, you must practice them. Becoming genuinely proficient with them will transform your experience. Not only with your conservative fellow Americans, but anyone you disagree with.
But….and it’s a big one: if you’re not genuine in your desire to form real human bonds with a fellow human being; a human being you right now may consider your existential enemy, you will not get far. Your desire to connect with this other human must be sincere. These are not debating tactics.
Your Ground Rules
Before offering the approaches let’s set your ground rules. Your rules of engagement. Not engagement with the prospective conservative. We’ll talk about that later.
These rules of engagement are for how you will engage your humanity and your brain in service of your cause. Which is to connect meaningfully with a human you may currently consider your enemy and, through that connection, have an inspiring positive experience via conversation.
So here are your ground rules:
You will not allow words to trigger your well-honed sensitivity to offense. Words are just that. Words. You are not under threat. Even if a threat is offered, they are words. A real threat is immanent behavior likely resulting in serious personal injury. Not someone’s lips moving. Maintain your calm no matter what is said. Better yet, replace your sensitivity to offense with a healthy sense humor.
Your goal is connection. Not winning. You are not trying to persuade a conservative to become progressive. Conservatives serve a beneficial purpose within humanity. Your goal is connection. So you can fulfill your primary and secondary intents and commitments, outlined below.
Your primary intent/commitment is: understanding. You must be clear and rigid in your desire to hear, understand and inquire further into what the conservative believes.
Your secondary (but no less important) intent: finding commonalities between you and your conservative conversation partner.
Follow these ground rules while applying approaches described here. You’ll be stunned as you discover how human conservatives are. Your mind will expand and you’ll understand where conservatives are coming from.
You may even become genuinely compassionate towards conservatives. Rather than claiming to be compassionate while hating conservatives. Hate, annoyance, extreme frustration are not compassion. That’s hypocrisy. If you’re progressive.
Distinguishing The Context
Now let’s talk about context. To do so we’ll distinguishing two labels which describe communication between two people. People often confuse one for the other. Doing so, they get in trouble.
You want a conversation with the conservative. The word “conversation” may mean to you the same thing as “discussion”, the other word we’re going to clarify. But these words are NOT the same. They describe two totally different intents, processes, outcomes, contexts and feelings.
One aligns with your intent (presuming you’re wanting connection). The other does not.
You want conversation
“Conversation” is a talk, usually an informal one, between two or more people exchanging ideas. You know this. But you may not know the word’s origin. Words’ origins carry their meaning so much better sometimes than their definition. So let’s look at the origin of “conversation”. Here it is:
Interesting, eh? A conversation then, is something that ends with you having a feeling of “living among, or having intimate familiarity,” with the person with whom you have conversed. This is what you want. You want a conversation. Not a discussion.
Not a discussion
Let’s contrast conversation now with “discussion”. A discussion is “the action or process of talking about something in order to reach a decision or to exchange ideas.”
That sounds laudable. It’s not though.
Not in the context of making a connection with, and understanding another human being.
Discussions don’t breed familiarity. In discussions, you’re just throwing back and forth opinions. Discussions get you nowhere if you’re trying to connect.
But wait, there’s more.
People don’t generally understand what “discussion” connotes. Probably because, like “converstation”, they don’t understand the word’s origin. Here is the origin of the word “discussion”, the noun and verb so you get a clear picture.
So the intent of “discussions” is not to gain familiarity and a sense of living among the person you are speaking with. No. Its intent is “to examine by argument, to tear apart, shake or dash to pieces.”
Does that sound like the basis of connection?
We don’t think so either.
· · ·
Progressives and conservatives are not trying to connect. They are tearing each other apart. And the country along with them.
They are discussing. Not conversing.
If you want a groundbreaking interaction with a conservative, you’re going to have to move out of discussion mode and into conversation mode.
Ok?
The Right Way To Approach Conservatives
So here are the approaches. They only work if you stridently refuse to be baited. Strive instead for connection and understanding (your ground rules).
If you can’t stick to the ground rules, it’s best you first practice with someone who can role play a conservative until you get the hang of it.
The approach:
Ask more questions than sharing your opinion.
Express over and over your sincere desire to understand their point of view, not to exert yours, until they relent, i.e. realize you really do want to understand them.
Beseech your conservative to stick to answering your questions. If they avoid or refuse to answer your questions, keep (politely) redirecting the conversation back to your questions, or express vulnerability (we’ll offer an example in a moment) that may trigger them reciprocating.
When the conservative answers your question, offer sincere praise and appreciation. It is not standard practice for someone who is fearful and feeling defensive to answer a question, particularly one that demands they be vulnerable. Especially a question asked by someone the responder believes is the enemy of their values. So reward them for taking a risk.
When the person answers your question, and you have praised them, ask more questions. Offer limited information you may want to share. Instead, listen to the person’s answers.
When they answer, take in what they say. Chew on it, prepare a relevant response. Then offer the response in the form of a question or a polite rebuttal supported with examples.
If they ask a question, answer it. If you don’t have an answer, say so. Risk looking stupid. And if they call you stupid or a loser or whatever, remember ground rule number one.
Repeat these steps.
We’re not offering this in a vacuum. It has worked for Perry several times now to remarkable results. Not every time, but often enough to recommend them. We’re offering one complete example that happened on facebook. We’re offering this example because of the documented evidence. Anyone can look at it to see what happened.
Despite Perry misstepping in several moments, the conversation went quite well. Here’s an overview of it:
Perry offered the following Meme on his wall.
It’s inaccurate (which the conservative responders pointed out). But the purpose of sharing it was for conversation. Conversation did happen. It ended with the following statement. This from a conservative who at first expressed himself aggressively:
I enjoyed reading your post. We do have more in common it seems….I wish you much success in your endeavors!
This is where you want to end up. It won’t happen every time, but if you practice, you’ll get better at it. Perry screwed up in this facebook exchange a couple times. But he still ended with positive results in line with the above ground rules, objectives/intents.
So we know if you sincerely use these approaches, you’ll find yourself in a new reality. One where conservatives turn out to be human.
Just like you.
Don’t Get Triggered
A conservative defending her life-decisions, then name calling Perry in a tweet.
People who believe conservatively have been trained to be tough. They live in a brutish world where it’s dog eat dog, and survival of the fittest.
Their manner of interaction feels like discussion. Confrontational, gruff, belligerent. Not conversational. At first.
So be prepared for rebuffs, snide accusations, and direct insults. It will sound like you’re talking to Alex Jones, Donald Trump or Rush Limbaugh instead of the person you’re talking with.
After all, for many conservatives, these people are their heroes. So of course they will pattern their discussion style on those peoples’ styles.
Intelligent conservatives, taking a cue from many conservative activist organizational playbooks, such as the college campus-focused Turning Point USA, will try to bait you into losing your control.
Don’t take the bait.
Compassion Wins. Always.
Self control is your best friend. Again, if you suck at self control, your best fallback is your leftie compassion.
But if “compassion” is just a word for you, or worse, something you believe you “can’t afford in these times”, which is actually something a progressive told Perry recently, then you’ve already lost.
There is always room for compassion. The best, most effective progressives – Jesus, Ghandi, MLK, Harvey Milk – have demonstrated this time and time again.
You must contain your disgust. You must respond with vulnerability. Even in the face of their disgust of you (and what they presume you believe).
For example, when Perry clarified errors a conservative made in interpreting Perry’s previous comment, the person offered the following:
I’d like to continue proving my points but you don’t seem too receptive to the logic I’m providing. Your idea of what a necessity is leaves me wondering how much of a privileged life you must have and probably still do live. Many people survive without an education and many walk to jobs or bike. Many live healthy lives without doctors and hospitals. It’s a shame that you don’t seem to have facts to support your assertions, or did I miss them somewhere in your previous posts? Again I appreciate your ‘opinion’ and respectfully disagree with most if not all of them. Assertions without facts to support them lead me to believe that all of your points are opinion based.
In response, Perry could have been triggered as a person of color, being accused of enjoying privilege. Instead, Perry offered vulnerability. How? By acknowledging his privilege:
So now let’s talk about my privilege, which is a funny thing to bring up IMO. But as I said, I’m more than happy to chat about whatever you bring up.
I am privileged. I live in a great country. It has ALWAYS been great. It also can be improved. I live in the west. I live in a democratic society. I get to live pretty much wherever my finances make it possible to live. I have a wife who loves me, pets who adore me. I enjoy the sunshine, the beautiful state of Oregon and all it has to offer. I enjoy clean air, a healthy body and mind. I enjoy clean delicious food my wife makes for me or I make. I enjoy an adventurous life, where I get to spend my time doing pretty much whatever floats my boat. My life is getting better and better as is my prosperity. I realize my eternal nature and from that I know anything is possible.
I’m also male. I’m a “black” male. I came into the world with the perfect timing such that I can enjoy both these in relative security and comfort (compared to other times). I’m also non-binary. I’m free of constraints of being “straight” (thank god!). I have the fluidity of thought to see the world from multiple perspectives, and not just human ones. I have the privilege to have time to think about life – ordinary day-to-day life, but also extraordinary aspects of life, such as what happens after death and how all that happens after death (and before birth) shapes what happens between birth and death. I have found those answers. From those answers, I know things a LOT of people don’t know. So yeah, I’m privileged. But no more than anyone can be. I can pretty much do right now, whatever floats my boats.
It just so happens, what floats my boats is creating a world where EVERYONE has the opportunity to do whatever THEY want to float THEIR boats….
You can’t be vulnerable if you’re triggered. You can’t offer cogent thoughtful replies either when you’re triggered. When you get triggered, you offer fodder confirming conservative beliefs about you and other progressives (liberals). Don’t be this guy:
Offer Food For Thought
Once you have earned their attention by thoughtfully, calmly and constructively listening to, and then expressing understanding, only then should you offer “food for thought”.
Food for thought is not telling them they are wrong. This isn’t about right and wrong. Your food for thought should be an attempt to surface their human connection to other humans…even ones they believe aren’t worthy of that connection.
So for example, when a conservative says people who don’t work are parasites and deserve to starve, you must figure out a way to show how a person can do whatever he wants (even not work, for example) but shouldn’t have to starve. Or worse, work a job but not afford healthcare.
If you can’t do that, you have no basis for making such a claim. And a conservative will tell you.
Some conservatives (many people actually) view people negatively. Conservatives particularly believe people are lazy good-for-nuthins. People must earn their living by doing productive work, they believe. These beliefs aren’t factual. They’re conditioned or taught, which is exactly what a conservative told Perry recently:
…Maybe it’s because i’ve been conditioned to believe a certain way or possibly my life experience has taught me to be cautious….
A good way to chart unknown territory with a conservative: appeal to their well-known territory (for the conservative). That is, talk about liberty. But not the way conservatives talk about it.
Liberty as you may know, is a major conservative talking point. But the kind of liberty (aka “freedom”) conservatives believe in is a kind of pseudo-freedom. It’s not really freedom as it is based on coercion: As far as conservatives believe, your freedom doesn’t extend to being a lazy parasite on society. Another way of putting that is: your freedom shouldn’t cost me or anyone else. So pull your own weight.
The response to this point is: “you’re right. And in the 21st Century no one’s freedom should cost anyone anything. This is the future. Everything is possible.”
· · ·
Perry likes offering this tasty morsel, which creates amazing moments that, at first, stupefies conservatives. But then leads to remarkable, real, conversations.
It begins with Perry’s definition of real freedom:
“A person who is really free can do nothing if that’s what they want to do. A person who wants to spend all their time learning to paint, play video games all day, or fish or whatever, can. And they can do those things (or anything else) without going hungry, living on the street, or getting care for their body (or mind) if necessary. If they’re free that is. They can also get all the education they need or want to learn or improve any skill while doing whatever they want without having to earn money to get those things. And…the person exercising their freedom can do so without anyone else having to do anything they don’t want to do to support that person.”
A definition like that will short circuit most people’s brains (conservative and progressive) namely because most people can’t figure out how this kind of freedom is possible. Perry explains how this is possible. Then shows how the world is careening towards exactly that outcome for everyone.
Your food for thought, therefore, must halt a conservative’s talking points in its tracks. It must get them genuinely thinking. Not spouting conservative boilerplate.
Another example: Perry was at a Starbucks recently. There he happened to sit in a nest of conservatives. That wasn’t his intent. It just happened.
One of the conservative’s asked “what do you do for a living?”
“I don’t do anything for a living,” Perry said. “I don’t believe my living requires me to do anything.”
This conservative’s friend, Mary, piped in.
“So you’re a socialist,” She said.
“No. I’m not,” Perry said.
“Then what are you?” Mary asked.
Knowing Mary was likely a conservative, and therefore Christian (which she was) Perry said “I am what Jesus is.”
That derailed Mary’s train of thought. Now Mary had to ask a question likely not included in her talking points:
“What do you mean?” She asked.
“I am that I am,” Perry said.
The conversation turned to Christianity. Perry is not Christian, but he is well-versed on fundamental accuracies upon which Christianity’s distortions are based.
So he was able to form a connection with Mary through her religious beliefs. Then he turned the conversation towards Christian compassion. He was about to ask Mary if her compassion extends to immigrants and if not why not.
But Mary ran out of time (she had to catch a plane).
Still, you can see, by not getting baited into a debate about “socialism” and name calling, and instead connecting with something Mary held dear (her Christian beliefs), Perry found room in between Mary’s boilerplate about people who she prejudges as “socialists”.
You can do this too.
And not only will the conversations you have stun you in their originality, you’ll learn that underneath all that lashing out, anger and conservative closed-mindedness is a human being wanting to be understood and connected with.
That is the short answer to this entire approach. Giving conservatives what they want, so their minds open.
· · ·
If progressives really want the world they want, they must find a way to give conservatives what they want.
Until you know what that is, you can’t give it to them. And you can’t know unless you understand them. And, you can’t understand them unless you’re willing to talk with them.
And finally, if your approach is based on not understanding justified conservative fear that they’re losing everything, and that’s why they are lashing out, you’re going to have a hard time having a conversation with them.
Rancor in America and elsewhere can be mended. But you can’t expect conservatives to make the first step.
Someone has to though. That someone can be you. And this guide can help.
You can have anything you want. Just realize how things happen in life, then follow that process.
A lot of people look for love in relationship. For many, that is illusive. But relationships, like everything else, are easy to get. So is love.
Everything Is Yours
You can have love you want with no effort on your part. Hard work is overrated. Especially in relationships. Digging through online profiles, going to bars and trying to find Mr. or Ms. “right” by swiping left, right or whatever are unnecessary steps.
By relaxing, having fun and enjoying life, you don’t have to do those things. Everything you want comes easily.
A friend of Perry’s wife demonstrated this over the last two years. That she had no idea it was happening shows how easy it happens.
Following explains how the process works. After that, we’ll tell Susan’s story, which shows how the process worked for her. Along the way, we’ll clarify points you should know so you too can produce similar results.
Artwork by the author
Getting everything you want is easy. Here’s how:
Come to accept what you have. No matter how bad you think it may be, you have to find a way to accept it. More than that, you have to embrace it and appreciate it. It may not feel this way, but your current situation is working out in your best interest. That attitude makes you positively focused. Stay negatively focused – complaining, talking about or getting angry about what you have – and you get more of what you have.
Pay attention to thoughts you receive that you aren’t thinking. Often, you receive thoughts you didn’t think. They feel like intrusions in your ordinary awareness. These are messages sent by your Larger Self. They come as suggestions, ideas, gut feelings.
Follow the suggestion, ideas, gut feelings. Intrusive thoughts are inspirations. You’re supposed to follow them. It’s ok if you don’t, but if you do, life becomes far more interesting, spontaneous, fun and easy.
Practice being happy as often as you can. By doing so you tell your reality that you want more happy experiences. Inspiration comes easier too.
Even if you don’t do these five steps, you’ll end up using the process because it’s built-in to living. It literally is “life”.
Like we said, Susan is not aware of this process (Step five) yet it still worked for her. That means it can work for you. More so if used deliberately. So now, let’s overlay these steps on Susan’s experiences so you can see how they work in practice instead of just theory.
Artwork by the author
It began with a crappy marriage
Susan had been married many years. That marriage was crappy by Susan’s admission. Her divorce was even worse. Contentious and frustrating, it ended with her “wasband” getting the better deal. That’s because she was the “breadwinner”.
Every negative experience serves the experiencer. So, every negative experience in the end is positive. Susan’s crappy marriage helped her figure out what she wanted.
For one, she realized she didn’t want to be in a relationship where she lived in the same house with someone else. In other words, she enjoyed living alone, having her own space, not having someone always around, but also being in relationship.
That’s good to know when looking for a partner.
All through the divorce, Susan criticized her “wasband”. She complained about the divorce process, her lawyers, his lawyers. The more she complained, the more she had to complain about. Her ex fought her more and more.
He started doing vindictive things. Like slashing her tires and manipulating ways to keep her from their dogs. Perfect examples of Step One.
From time to time Perry’s wife told Susan about this process. Like many people though, Susan preferred experiential learning. She doesn’t like being told what to do.
Neither does Perry’s wife. 🙄
Soon Susan stopped complaining as much. She got tired of it. By the time her divorce was finished, she accepted the process. Step One: check.
Artwork by the author
Inspiration Creates Evidence of “Better”
What Susan didn’t know was, her experiences with “wasband” helped her know things she wouldn’t have known had she not gone through them.
She knew she didn’t want another marriage. She knew she wanted her autonomy. And she knew what kind of relationship she wanted: one without the intertwined aspects of traditional relationships.
It was no surprise then what happened next.
A friend she knew when married turned into a boyfriend. Let’s call him Jake. Jake wasn’t a long-term perfect fit. But he was perfect for now. Meaning: he offered sexual intimacy, occasional company, friendship. Someone to hang out with, without commitment. Jake was also a known-entity. They knew each other for years. So it was easy to turn that friendship into more.
Jake was and is polyamorous. He was seeing other women. He didn’t tell Susan this until six months into their two-year relationship. Jake subscribes to a “don’t ask, don’t tell” relationship policy.
“If you don’t ask, I’m not going to tell you,” he says. Which is fine, if the other person knows this.
Susan didn’t know this. By the time she found out, she wasn’t happy about it.
She told Perry’s wife she really didn’t want to be in an open relationship. She didn’t like feeling “second fiddle” to who-knows-how-many other women who might be in Jake’s life.
But by the time she found out, it was too late. She had feelings for Jake.
There was more to Jake than Susan realized. Jake is fiercely independent, wicked smart, adventurous and a talented agitator/activist. He likes being his own person.
“I never ask people for anything,” he recently told Perry over tea. “Even if I have to go to a hospital. I’ll find a way to make it myself.”
That independence spills into his relationships. Jake thrives in relationships he controls. No wonder he prefers polyamory. Multiple opportunities foster independence.
Jake’s independence tinted his relationship with Susan too. He decides when she could come over. He decides when he comes to her house. If he has a date with someone else, he is not available. In many respects, Susan’s access to Jake was at Jake’s discretion.
That worked great for Susan for a while. In time, though, she resented this. She felt the relationship was going one way: Jake’s way.
In Susan’s words recently: “I thought I’d like this non-monogamy thing a bit better if I were to participate in it fully.”
So she decided to do something. A “good for the goose” thing.
What she before resisted, she now was warming up to. So much so she too sought extra partners.
One day she got an idea: a profile on OKCupid. Step two: check!
“In retrospect, I did it shortly after discovering that [Jake] had another lover…” Susan said.
Meanwhile, Susan fell in love with Jake. Jake was in love too. What Susan at first tolerated now she enjoyed. Even given the imbalance. Step One again.
She enjoyed her freedom, her autonomy. She now liked Jake having options. And she looked forward to having her own options. Men she could see occasionally and casually too.
Your reality is literally a piece of art. What are you creating? (artwork by the author)
Your Reality Is Under Your Control
You get what you’re ready for. The problem is, you’re never ready for something different than what you have, until you accept what you have. If you’re not happy with what you have, you can’t get what you want because you’re not ready for what you want. You’re complaining about what you have.
People think they know what happiness is. Happiness is not something that comes after getting what you want. Well, it does happen that way.
But it’s meant to be something you feel no matter what you’re experiencing. That’s because everything you experience serves your fulfillment. Yes, even what looks like negative experiences.
Suffering is necessary until it’s not. So it is not a “fact” of life. (Pinterest)
When you figure that out, your life is your conscious design. This unconditional happiness is your painter’s palette. Because when you’re happy, no matter what you have, you are ready for having what matches how you feel, AKA your life’s masterpiece.
Making Room For Even More “Better”
As Susan found herself mostly happy in her open relationship, she made room in her life for more of what she wanted. That created what happened next.
For a while nothing significant happened on OKC. She says she met three guys. She enjoyed meeting them. Otherwise, She said, the process was “drudgery”.
This is why we don’t support using dating websites. They can work. But they frequently don’t. In the meantime, they conjure too much negativity (frustration, impatience i.e. resistance to what is). That stretches out the time it takes to get what you want. It’s far better to be happy, enjoy your life and follow your intuition. Meeting your match that way is a happy, natural, surprising and enjoyable process.
Online dating for most people isn’t happy, natural or enjoyable.
Like many people though, Susan learned to accept the drudgery. Again, Step One.
That’s when one profile “stood out,” she said. “OKC estimated 99% compatibility, and I liked his photos and what he’d written.”
She was referring to this guy Susan brought to a small friends gathering. Let’s call him Carl.
They had almost everything in common. They finished each others’ sentences…laughed at the same things…it was like they had been together for years.
Carl wanted a monogamous relationship from the get-go. He said so in his profile. Susan’s profile didn’t say that. But Carl liked what Susan offered so much, he compromised.
This happens a lot. Insecure people compromise their ideas because they think they need to to get what they want.
That’s never the case. But impatience is a powerful thing. As is insecurity. When people can’t be patient they compromise. In compromising, the path leading to what they really want lengthens.
It’s not a problem because every experience is helpful. You’re also eternal, so you have plenty of lifetimes to get what you want. But if you exercise patience and follow the process above, what you want comes faster.
Time for a mental health break:
Susan Finds Freedom In Openness
Welcome back.
Carl fell in love with Susan instantly, he says. And why not? She’s lovable!
Interestingly, Carl’s relationship behaviors contrasted Jake’s. Some would say this was coincidence. But it wasn’t. It resulted from everything Susan experienced up to then.
Carl wanted collaboration in relationship. While he didn’t like so much sharing Susan with others, he didn’t resist it. Not at first. Meanwhile, Jake got more controlling when he found out Susan had another lover. His insecurities, dormant while he controlled the relationship, now surfaced. This was a good thing. His insecurities invited everyone involved to become better versions of themselves. Carl included!
For example, both men had toothbrushes in Susan’s bathroom. Jake’s was in the toothbrush holder. Carl’s in the drawer. Carl imagined (rightly) Susan was hiding from Jake the fact that Carl sometimes spent the night. That chafed Carl.
Carl’s feelings were petty. So were Susan’s intentions. Susan was trying to protect Jake. To keep from triggering Jake’s insecurities. That strategy backfired. It only made both men more insecure and her frustrated.
She found both men’s insecurities unattractive. But she also enjoyed it. Through something she initially didn’t like at first (an open relationship), Susan found empowerment and freedom and choice and options.
In other words: Everything her marriage didn’t offer.
Insecurity Boils Over
One night Carl put his foot down.
He said he wanted monogamy with Susan. That surprised her. She had been clear from day one that’s not what she wanted. One day, Perry’s wife reminded Susan that two years ago a monogamous relationship was exactly what she wanted.
But Susan grew happy with her current situation (being in an open relationship). That’s step one. She missed step two, but the process still worked because she followed her inspiration posting an OKCupid profile (Step three).
And now she faced a new reality. One she wanted two years ago. Carl represented a great match: intellectually, physically and more. They really liked each other too.
Susan didn’t remember wanting monogamy two years ago. And yet, here she was, getting everything she wanted. Freedom. Choice. Two good men who both loved her, that she both loved. And an opportunity for monogamy.
Susan Got Everything, And Then Some. So Can You.
Intrigued with Carl’s request, she told Jake. Jake got even more insecure. Angry in fact that Susan was considering a monogamous relationship with someone else. Of course, he didn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship. He wanted what he had: his cake (Susan) and the opportunity to eat other cake.
But let’s look at what Susan created. In two years her life matched every desire she wanted.
She put her marriage behind her
She found a relationship that worked immediately after the divorce
That relationship brought interesting experiences, growth, adventure
She followed her inspiration
That lead to meeting Carl, a perfect match
Now she has not only an open relationship, but an opportunity for a closed one too!
In other words, Susan is getting everything she wants. And then some. Even though she didn’t realize what was happening.
Like we say, the process works for everyone. Even those unaware of it.
· · ·
Today, Susan is negotiating the best of both worlds. She loves both Carl and Jake. Both represent different desires she’s had over two years. Both men love her. Both offer different things. In other words, Susan is enjoying her love life as it brings her plenty of pleasure, adventure, love and more.
You can have your version of the same thing: plentiful experiences where what you want comes easily. It all starts with realizing you have a larger you from which to live your life. Then finding ways that connect you to that.
Life doesn’t have to be hard or a struggle. Love doesn’t either. And neither is, when you follow life’s really simple process.
There are so many people out there offering success recipes.
Facebook, YouTube and other social media advertisement services opened the flood gates. Now, anyone with a success story and some digital tools can hawk their “proven” success tips.
Then there are the “Uber Successsful.”
Millions follow Uber Successfuls, with stardom in their eyes. They want wealth, happiness, the good life. Celebrity.
Anthony Robbins, Gary Vaynerchuk, Arnold Schwarzenegger and many others, offer how their hard work, persistence and vision made them successful.
You can do what they did, they say…
But…
Successfuls, both minor and major camouflage how easy success really is. They don’t do it on purpose. So if you want success, listen to these people. But first, learn how to read their stories.
Photo: Annie Spratt On Unsplash
Successfuls don’t understand the “how” of their success. That’s why their recipes emphasize what’s irrelevant and downplay success’ ingredients.
Learn to read the typical success story though, and you unlock real doors to success. Like successful people promise.
· · ·
Take Arnold Schwarzenegger. Everyone knows his success. Watch this video, seen many millions of times across the internet. In it, Arnold distills his success to five essential rules.
Fortunately, none of the rules he offers made him successful. Want Arnold’s success? Let’s distill what really happened.
Generally, successful people like Arnold suggest specific action. Action you must take to get results. Actions they say will make you successful. While focusing on action, they gloss over the secrets. Secrets all successful people use (and we do mean all).
The reason they don’t speak plain about them? Most aren’t aware what they are. They call them “lucky breaks”, or “chance” or “fortunate events”.
A few come close, but miss, attributing success to “God”.
The rest ascribe 80-90 percent of their success to their hard work, their actions, what they knew or who they knew. They assign 20 percent, or less, to “luck”.
Here’s what’s remarkable about that: it’s the opposite.
Ninety percent or more of their success was “luck”. Effort represents a minuscule percentage.
That means, your success depends on “luck” too.
· · ·
Here’s the good news: It’s not luck.
Success happens via direct, deliberate easy-to-use processes. Processes you control. Processes Successfuls use. That means, any outcome you want is possible.
You don’t need luck. You only need to know the processes. Then you can manufacture “luck” at will.
More good news: It’s impossible not to be successful. That’s because you already know how the processes work. You’ve only temporarily forgotten.
(photo of person thinking)
You listened to the video. Notice Arnold ascribing all his success to his five rules? Notice his casual references about where luck mattered?
Probably not. But we did. Let’s recap.
How Arnold’s Success (And Every Other Success) Really Happens
At 00:25, Arnold introduces his success “rules”. These rules, he says, work for anyone. “Rules” imply things you must do. They also imply things you must not do (don’t break the rules).
Don’t follow the rules, Arnold says. You won’t be successful. Or happy!
But life doesn’t work that way. You are eternal. It’s not possible to “not be successful”.
Eternity has no finish line. You always get do overs. There’s a second chance, a third, a fourth, fifth, sixth…etc., on through eternity.
Every next moment is a change to start anew. (Meme: By the author)
But when you think “oh boy, there are RULES I’m going to have to follow?” that lengthens your success path.
There are no rules you must follow.
At around 00:38, Arnold describes Rule #1: “Find” your vision and follow it.
Have no vision or goal, he says, and you’ll drift around and not be happy.
Arnold says, if you don’t “find” your vision, you’re lost. But he doesn’t explain “how” to find your vision. Maybe he didn’t have time to explain. Perhaps he doesn’t know how.
Visions or goals aren’t something you “find”. You can’t help but have them! Life experiences evoke from within you unending desires. THOSE ARE YOUR VISIONS. Arnold describes this, but not in his rules. Instead he buries it in his life story.
Though Life Experience Visions Are Automatic
After Germany and Austria’s defeat in World War II, Arnold wanted escape. He wanted out of war-torn Europe. That was his first vision! His first goal. Did he have to “find” it?
No!
His life experience drew it from him.
That’s how your life works. From your experiences you birth visions and dreams. Visions sometime feel like dislikes. Arnold disliked Austria. He wanted to escape. That was his vision. He didn’t need to find it!
Arnold’s rule number one is wrong. There’s no “finding” your vision. They come automatically.
Yet, less than a minute into his speech, Arnold reveals secret number one. At 00:54 after knowing he wanted to escape, he “luckily” watched a documentary about America.
Arnold Giving up the secrets. You always know Successfuls share real secrets when they use keywords such as “luck” or “fortunate”. (Photo credit: YouTube/Goalcast)
Was this luck?
If it was, then you’re screwed.
Because luck only happens to the lucky!
Good news: it wasn’t luck! This is how life works for everyone.
Arnold had life experience. Life experience clarified his vision. Get out of Austria. But he didn’t know how or “to where”. His Broader Perspective did though. His Broader Perspective arranged his life to include the documentary. It was not “luck”. The film showed up on purpose.
It’s likely Arnold doesn’t know he has a Broader Perspective. So instead of giving credit where it’s due, he called it “luck”.
When successful people tell success stories, keep listening for keywords like “luck”. When they use such words, they’re giving up secrets. Their secrets are not actions, advice or rules you must follow.
Only one thing makes you successful: lining up with you Broader Perspective. It is arranging your success all the time. Your Broader Perspective always speaks to you. Most of the time, you’re not listening…Successful people find a way to listen.
Successful people would have no stories to tell without Broader Perspective’s involvement.
· · ·
Ask any successful person you know if they could predict when, where and from whom these “lucky breaks” would happen. Every person will say “no”. Human awareness is too small to know. It’s too small to arrange billions of events, and resources becoming your life. Including people who’s ideas will benefit you. Ideas those people haven’t even had yet!
Trippy, right?
All this is beyond normal human perception. Right up until such events become reality. But it’s child’s play for your Broader Perspective.
After seeing the documentary, Arnold “knew that is exactly where I wanted to end up” he says. Young Arnold got excited. “Excited” is an emotion. Emotions tell you you’re on your way to success. That’s their purpose.
Arnold was on his success path. He felt positive, excited. All he had to do now was keep following his vision as it evolved. Broader Perspective would do the heavy lifting (pun intended). It would create one event after another.
When strung together, Arnold would find himself successful.
It’s that easy. It’s so easy, you can do it.
So did Arnold have to “find” the vision of “ending up in America”? Nope. Then why do you?
Next, he asked “how will I get there?” The answer already existed. His Broader Perspective already held the experience “ending up in America”. It already had shaped many paths leading to America. Paths including people who could help Arnold get there.
It didn’t matter Arnold didn’t know how he would get there. Just by asking the question, he matched his Broader Perspective’s “knowing”.
What happened next reveals another secret having nothing to do with Arnold’s effort.
At 1:09, Arnold says: “…One day I was fortunate enough to see a bodybuilding magazine…” In the magazine, he says, he read an article about Reg Park, a former Mr. Universe.
Arnold’s second clue. The keyword “fortunate” always points to knowledge, the speaker is unware they have. (Photo: YouTube/Goalcast)
“Fortunate” is another keyword. When Successfuls uses this word, perk up. Here’s what they’re saying. “I don’t know how the heck this happened, but it made me successful, so pay attention, I’m telling you the secret”.
Arnold couldn’t get himself out of Austria on his own. He had no idea “how”. He had no money. No one did. He had no idea “where” he’d go.
But his Broader Perspective had answers to how and who and where. The documentary, then Reg Park were answers Arnold wanted.
Arnold got inspired. He felt excitement. In his excitement, he primed the next major event. The more positively focused you are, the quicker things happen.
At 01:22 Arnold says “I read the article as fast as I could”. Park’s success boosted Arnold’s enthusiasm. You could say Park and Arnold share the same nonphysical origins. Park’s experience pointed the way for Arnold’s ambitions. Through Park’s example, Arnold realized his own path.
Life works like this for everyone. It is not luck. It is not fortune. It is not random. You have life experience. It spurs desire. Broader Perspective makes it real at once.
You don’t experience that realness as immediate as your Broader Perspective. Why?
Because desires become real slower in physical reality than in nonphysical. In nonphysical, things become things immediately.
It’s a good thing it’s different here. Too much crazy stuff would happen otherwise. But that’s another story.
Just know that your success happens exactly as Arnold’s. Not successful yet? You will be, after you learn how do to what Arnold did. Not what he says he did. What he actually did.
In other words, no rules.
Arnold describes Park “all of a sudden” landing “in Rome. He’s doing Hercules movies” after training and winning Mr. Universe.
But Park’s success (and Arnold’s) didn’t happen “all of a sudden”. It happened over time. “All of a sudden” is a keyword phrase. During that time, did Park or Arnold work hard? Struggle? Sacrifice? We don’t know about Park.
But that’s how Arnold describes it. If you watch Arnold’s training footage, however, you would see he wasn’t working hard.
Note the yellow box. Arnold acknowledges his “hard work” and “struggle” “didn’t matter”. (Photo: YouTube/Goalcast)
More likely, he was enjoying it. That’s how he explains it. But you must listen carefully.
At 2:04 he says hard work wasn’t part of the equation. Nor struggle. “It didn’t matter” he said. Why? Because he found his passion. Meaning: he knew he was on his path.
· · ·
Let’s summarize so far. Here are the first steps to everyone’s success:
Your desires, automatically surface through life experience. These are your visions/goals.
Now you know what you want. That moment, your Broader Perspective becomes that. It then sends you clues via intuition, events and circumstances spurring your desire. It’s never full blown desire fulfillment. It’s bread crumbs on a path.
Watch Arnold’s speech again. See if you can ignore Arnold’s rules. Instead, tune in to keywords in his story. Keywords indicating how Arnold (and every successful person) unknowingly reveals real secrets. Secrets so secret, even Successfuls don’t know them. Even though they share them.
Arnold’s “rules” had nothing to do with his success.
Speed Builds As Success Gets Bigger
Later in his speech, Arnold’s early successes inspire even bigger desires. He’s had some success. He’s feeling confident. So he shoots for bigger dreams.
At 2:30 he talks about being another John Wayne. But he wouldn’t be able to have had that grand vision had he not started with his smaller one: leaving war-torn Austria.
That dream got fulfilled when he first saw the documentary, then read the magazine. By then, he knew how (follow Park’s example) and where (go to America).
So Arnold didn’t follow Rule #2: Never ever think small. He thinks he followed it, but his first thought wasn’t huge. It wasn’t “become the next John Wayne.” It was “get out of Austria.”
Not “become the next Mr. Universe”.
Not “Become a movie star”.
Just: get out of Austria. Where? “I don’t know!” How? “I don’t know, I just want to escape!”
When you have a small goal, it’s just as big as a big goal, because small goals lead to bigger ones. You don’t have to start with a big one. Start where you are.
Arnold didn’t have a big goal to start. He started where he was.
You don’t have to have big dreams.
Next we come to Arnold’s Rule #3: ignore the naysayers.
Arnold didn’t follow this rule either. He did listen. Why do you think he took english classes, accent removal classes, diction classes…
Meanwhile Arnold’s Broader Perspective delivers what Arnold calls “a little break”.
But it actually was a massive real-ization: a part in a TV show.
That part lead to Pumping Iron, which made Arnold niche famous.
By this time, Arnold’s dreams blossomed more and more. The more real they got, the happier and more confident Arnold got. Arnold’s attention turned to bigger and more exciting dreams and desires. How? His dreaming capacity increased with each previously fulfilled goal.
Again, that’s how life works.
Conan The Barbarian: The Big Break
Then came Conan The Barbarian. Let’s talk about Conan the Barbarian, something Arnold calls “the big break”.
The Epic Conan Poster.
Arnold says it came “finally”. As though he had been waiting a long time.
But he’s not recognizing every fulfilled desire preceding this famous movie. Each fulfilled desire made the next possible. Fulfilled dreams come in succession. Not in a Big Bang.
Conan was impossible before Stay Hungry. Stay Hungry: impossible before Pumping Iron. Pumping Iron: impossible before that TV role. All Arnold’s acting, impossible before his preparation. His preparation, impossible before winning Mr. Universe. Winning Mr. Universe, impossible were it not for Reg Park and the magazine article. The magazine article, impossible before the documentary. The documentary, impossible before wanting to escape. Wanting to escape, impossible before the aftermath of WWII.
A long series of manifestations, one leading to the other, made Conan The Barbarian possible. Including events having nothing to do with Arnold.
That’s important!
First, there had to be a Conan The Barbarian concept. Original Conan stories were first published in 1932. That’s fifteen years before Arnold was even born (1947)!
The Conan stories then had to become comic books. They started out as fantasy stories. Not comic books.
Frank Frazetta, a famous fantasy artist, was born in 1928. Well before Arnold could have known about Reg Park. Frazetta’s art became famous. According to Wikipedia, “His interpretation of Conan visually redefined the genre of sword and sorcery, and had an enormous influence on succeeding generations of artists.”
In other words, Frazetta’s art boosted Conan’s mystique.
Somewhere along the line, the Conan fantasy inspired a future movie director. All these events happened well before Arnold started acting!
See?
Many events, inspirations, sparks of imaginations. Imaginations happening well before Arnold was born!
Then, came Arnold’s tiny dream: Get heck out of Austria.
Conan was monumental. Note how Arnold describes it. We’re pasting his verbatim commentary so you can read it without the video. It’s thrilling:
“…You know what was so interesting about it was the director said that at the press conference, if we wouldn’t have had Schwarzenegger with those muscles, we would have had to build one.”
Then, about Terminator:
“James Cameron said, the “I’ll be back” line became the most famous movie lines in history because of Arnold’s crazy accent because he sounded like a machine!”
Here’s what we wrote before about these kinds of events. Events organized by your Broader Perspective:
“When your Broader Perspective organizes events in your life, it works with other people’s Broader Perspectives. Your Broader Perspective has your best interests in mind. Other people’s Broader Perspectives have your interests in mind too. And vice versa. So when a person shows up in your life, they agreed, through their Broader Perspective, to be there. In being there, they get what they are wanting. Even as you get what you want. Everyone in any situation gets the same thing: what they want. There are no exceptions to this.”
That director’s Broader Perspective, and James Cameron’s Broader Perspective, Frank Frazetta’s Broader Perspective, Reg Park’s Broader Perspective….were and are working with Arnold’s Broader Perspective. Such coordination got/is getting everyone what they wanted/want.
Did you get a little shiver down your spine, or goose bumps across your body?
That’s your Broader Perspective agreeing with us. Because what we’re sharing with you is 100 percent accurate. You have control over this process. Let’s review the steps adding steps three and four:
Your desires surface through life experience. These are your visions/goals. It’s automatic.
Now you know what you want. That moment, your Broader Perspective becomes that. It then sends you clues via intuition, events and circumstances spurring more desire. It’s never full blown desire fulfillment. It’s bread crumbs on a path.
You must now merge with your Broader Perspective. You’ll then hear clues and perceive event chains. These event chains are desires fulfilled over time. How do you know you’re merged? You are positively focused. You are happy, appreciative, joyful, excited, inspired. All these tell you you’re merged.
Watch what happens. Celebrate when desires get fulfilled, then move back to step one.
These basic steps make all Successfuls successful. Your success equals anyone on any stage telling you about their success. Working hard isn’t required.
You only need to do what they did. Not what they say they did.
Your success may not look like Arnold’s, or any other’s success. Your life is unique. You’re not here succeed like others. You’re here to succeed in your way.
Successful people don’t share secrets of their success directly. That’s because they don’t know the secrets. Instead they talk about what they did. They encourage you to do what they did. They don’t tell you it’s not about doing. Success is about being. Being merged with your Broader Perspective.
That’s the secret.
Now you know. Now you can listen to their experiences, tune out the irrelevant 10 percent. Then tune in the 90 percent that made them successful.
Pain endurance: unnecessary.
Everything Arnold did, he did because he wanted to. He enjoyed it. Here’s why he says otherwise. Like many successful people, he doesn’t understand how he got success. Instead he justifies his success. How? By saying he found his vision, worked his ass off, didn’t listen to anyone and endured pain. Performing altruism is a nice touch. But as you know, many successful people become altruistic after succeeding.
None of those things made him successful.
What made him successful were “lucky” breaks, big and small. Those and “fortunate” events impossible to arrange on his own.
Those events his Broader Perspective arranged. Yours can too.
We invite you to listen again to Arnold’s story. Or any successful person’s story. See if you can tune out the rules. Tune out what they said they did, and listen to the 90 percent their Broader Perspective did for them.
Arnold’s story is inspiring. But ignore his advice. Learn to read his story correctly. Hear the “hidden message” to turn inward. Listen to your own Broader Perspective. Merge with it. Then chart your own delightful path.
Have you thought about it? Are you doing it because you must? Are you doing it because if you don’t work hard, you’ll be fired? Are you doing it because it’s the only way to get income?
Or do you do it because you think you enjoy it? Are you wearing your hard work as a badge of honor? Do you complain or boast about how hard you work, how busy you are? Do you get angry when people think you’re not working hard?
Or maybe you like your job. You find fulfillment there. Two questions for you:
Would you do the work for free?
Would you keep working if you won $500,000,000?
If the answer to either of these questions is “No” then you’re not working because you like it. In the first place, you probably do that work because you need its income. Maybe you’ve chosen work you “like” to get income rather than doing shitty work for it.
That’s not liking your work. It is tolerating it.
Our guess is, afforded other options, working would be the last thing you’d do. No matter how much you say you like it.
Some people “work hard” as justification. They say they work hard. They say that because the think they should. They think they should because society tells them they should. So do parents. So do teachers. So do “leaders”.
“Work hard. Be successful.”
Society rewards your compliance with income, approval and, ironically, more responsibility. More responsibility ensures you’ll work even harder.
If you don’t work hard, society says you’re not paying your way. You’re not earning your living. You’re living off of others. You’re a loser.
In other words, society, which means other people, shames you into working hard. Shame is like shit: it rolls downhill. Shame makes you shame others who challenge the notion that working hard is or was worth it.
But it’s not worth it.
Maybe you shouldn’t care what society thinks. Not caring what society thinks is far more worthy of approval than working hard. In your not caring what others think, you find authenticity. Persist in that and you find invulnerability.
Think now: if you’re invulnerable, doesn’t that also include all the money you need and then some?
Yes, it does.
Bold assertion, yet 100 percent accurate: the only reason anyone works hard is because they believe they must. Even those actually working hard –– digging trenches by hand, picking lettuce by hand, or some other literally body-destroying job –– don’t have to do that kind of work.
Every person creates their own reality. That includes how money comes into their life. You’re not a cog working for money. You came to have fun. Not work.
Photo: Isis Franca
“Well, I have to work,” You say. “I need money to survive.”
Work correlates to income only because you believe that. Trading “value” for income is a belief. Not “reality”. Reality is what you make it. Just because it looks like everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean you must.
And, by the way, not everyone is doing it. 😜
Parents gave a teenager some years ago $1000. He put it all in Bitcoin. Now he’s a millionaire. Did he work hard to become a millionaire?
You don’t either.
As an eternal creator, you came into the world intending joy and ease. Not working for money. Even though society believes otherwise, having fun, being happy and playing is just as valid an avenue to money as working hard. It’s more fun too.
You may scoff reading that. Such reactions only indicate how deeply you believe in needing to work hard. Or even work at all.
In the last two days, Perry had two conversations with two retired women. Both aggressively defended “work hard”. They worked hard most their lives while saving money for “the good life”: retirement.
Defending that notion is understandable. Especially if that’s what you did with your life. It would suck to realize you didn’t have to work your entire life, but did anyway. So we don’t blame older people when they expect others should work hard.
That’s what they did.
We’re here to tell you you don’t have to do that. You can. But it’s not mandatory. It’s not the future either.
Working hard is so 20th century.
It is mandatory if you go along with what society says. But “society” only represents collective agreement. Not reality.
For sure not your reality. Unless you believe what they believe.
That feels like this: Deep down you feel simultaneously shitty but also righteously indignant. “Shitty” comes from believing you must “work hard” when you really know you don’t. Indignant comes from knowing deep down it’s bullshit. Yet you’re doing it anyway. You justify “working hard” by pointing to the income you get. But that income represents a pittance of not only what you could get, but what you’re worth.
Your worth is intrinsic. No amount of money can compensate you for that.
Belief that you must work to earn money to live is unnecessary.
The time is neigh where your work-hard-ability will not be enough. The automation of everything is not inevitable. It’s happening. Right now. It’s present tense. Not the future.
This means, real reality is on our side. Meaning, one way or another, you’re either going to become the deliberate creator that you are, now, or, you’re going to do it after you’ve lost your income generating ability.
Either way, that’s humanity’s future.
We’re not here to scare you. The coming future is amazing. It offers unlimited opportunity. The only limits to that opportunity are what you believe is possible. If you believe you and others must earn a living, then the future’s going to be unpleasant for a while.
But only for you and those who believe as you do.
We are the future making the future happen. It’s the future you’re wanting too. But you don’t know that when you’re agreeing with society saying you must prove your worth by working hard.
We suggest you start looking at what you believe. There’s no better time than now to start.
Arnold thinks you need to work your ass off. He’s wrong. (Art credit: The author)
Modern life says, if you want something you should set a vision. Next, set goals and objectives, put them on a timeline and track your progress. If you work your ass off, struggle and get lucky, you succeed.
None of that is necessary.
Many mainstream leaders, motivational speakers and successful people encourage these steps. But you can have anything you want easier than that.
And, you don’t have lose any of your ass. 😜
The easiest way to getting anything you want is by being happy.
That sounds crazy, we know.
Most mainstream leaders, motivational speakers and successful people didn’t become successful by being happy.
They can only tell you how they did it. Theirs is the hard way.
Yet, nearly everyone tries finding success that way. Rather than trying a different, better way. Their way works. But it’s no fun. And success isn’t guaranteed.
Happiness brings success 100 percent of the time. You don’t need luck. You needn’t work hard.
You only need to know three things:
Why feeling happy works
How to use happiness and,
What the purpose of happiness is.
“There’s a purpose to happiness?”
You bet.
Ask someone next to you what is the purpose of happiness. Likely they won’t have a good answer. They will say happiness is an emotion. They may say it doesn’t have a purpose. Or that happiness makes you feel good. Some will say they don’t know.
Some even steer you away from happiness.
Almost 135,000 claps. A lot of people don’t know what purpose happiness serves. (Photo: Medium.com)
Yet your emotional capacity is purposeful. Powerful too. Your emotional capacity is the most powerful tool you have.
Once you understand its purpose, if you make being happy your number one priority, everything you want comes quickly, easily, and in great numbers.
Some people poo-poo happiness because they don’t understand its power. We’ll explain how and why happiness is so powerful later. We’ll even show you how to use happiness to get anything you want.
But first, check out how Perry realized several dreams at once, just by being happy.
How Perry Gets What He Wants Without Goal Setting, Working Hard Or Losing His Ass
Perry fell in love with sailing three summers ago. It started with a class he took on an impulse. He loved his first time on a sail boat. The sails grabbed the wind. The wind pushed the boat over on its side as it increased speed. Invigorating!
That first experience begat a new dream. How cool would it be, he thought, exploring the world this way?
Perry had no sailing experience. Only one class. That didn’t matter though. He knew others sailing around the world today. Families, couples, even single people are doing it. Some didn’t have experience when they started either. Many taught themselves.
How hard could it be?
It’s sailing. How hard can it be? (Photo: By Bcebul – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0)
Besides, Perry thought, he has his Inner Being. It has access to all knowledge. It knows where everything Perry wants is. And it knows how to lead him to it.
Another question people can’t answer is what’s Earth’s purpose? Does it have a purpose? Or is it a random result of chance?
Earth exists on purpose. It’s here so you can come, refine your interests from Earth’s massive variety. Then live those interests to the fullest extent imaginable. Aided by your Broader Perspective, the universe and All That Is, your time on Earth can include any experience.
Perry knows this. So when his first sailing class finished that summer, sailing around the world became something he wanted. But he set no goals or timelines. Instead, he knew being happy would bring him what he wanted.
· · ·
Perry joined the sailing club that hosted his class. That gave him a year to practice sailing using the club’s boats. But he couldn’t sail them alone. He didn’t have enough experience.
He needed a sailing partner. It so happened he met a guy in class who also fell in love with sailing. His name was Jarrett.
Jarrett aboard a training sailboat. (Photo by the author)
When you’re happy, not only do you not have to set intentions and goals, but all resources you need literally come to you. Including people.
These people’s Broader Perspectives put them on your path because your path lines up with theirs. Your Broader Perspective and their Broader Perspective coordinate events, matching people and resources. Such nonphysical communication happens all the time. That’s how events become events.
Including events comprising your life. So long as you don’t muck up the process, your life experience is a wonderful joyride. Being happy is how you keep from mucking up the process.
· · ·
Jarrett and Perry became friends. But Jarrett didn’t have money for a club membership.
No problem, Perry thought. Jarrett could be my guest. Here’s a video Perry took with Jarrett on a club boat cruising on the beautiful Columbia River.
For the next year, Perry and Jarrett’s friendship deepened. Turns out, Jarrett shares Perry’s life convictions. He too believes people create their reality and that life is meant to be fun. Jarrett works as a contract sound engineer. Like Perry, his time is his. He doesn’t have to be at a job every day. So he has a lot of free time.
Note the combination of people and events here: Jarrett’s time flexibility afforded by his occupation; Jarrett and Perry’s mutual beliefs; Both men taking the same class, at the same time. These illustrate how thoroughly your Broader Perspective organizes events on your behalf leaving out no detail.
How hard do you think it would have been for Perry organize this on his own? Finding someone who likes to sail, who has the time to spend sailing, who can pay for the class and believes the same thing he does? That would be no small feat.
But it’s a cinch for your Broader Perspective.
This is why people who don’t understand happiness believe they must struggle, work hard and set goals. That’s what you must do when you don’t know about your Broader Perspective. You’re on your own. On your own, you don’t have the resources nor the connections. That’s why you need luck and hard work.
Comparison Contains The Seeds Of Unhappiness.
One day, three months later, Jarrett arrived with news. Out of the blue, his uncle, a successful orthopedic surgeon, gave him a sailboat. A San Juan 7.7. Jarrett’s uncle bought the boat more than 20 years ago. He never sailed it. It sat in a barn all that time.
Jarrett was excited. He didn’t know his uncle had a boat. Let alone a sail boat. Knowing what he knows, Jarrett knew this was his Broader Perspective at work. With no effort, Jarrett, who had never sailed in his life, now owned his own sail boat!
Now, Perry could have been excited too. But he wasn’t.
Outwardly he was happy for Jarrett. But inside, he was jealous.
Jarrett went on and on about his boat. About how it was equipped. Modifications his uncle added. Modifications he wanted to do. He was so excited.
Perry wasn’t excited.
He was thinking about how it must be to be white. How it must be to have a successful family. He wanted to be happy for his friend. But the more Jarrett talked about this damn boat, the less fun Perry was having. Even though it was a perfect day for sailing.
Perry was mucking up the process! How? By comparing his life to Jarrett’s!
Comparing your life with another’s is never a good idea (Photo: Feliperizo-co-heart-made on Unsplash)
When you compare your life to someone you perceive has it better than you, unhappiness happens. Good news is, turning comparison’s unhappiness into happiness is easy. If you catch it early, that is.
So comparison can be beneficial. Feelings comparison conjures can serve as alerts. Like alerts, they can jolt you from habitual, indeliberate thinking.
Perry felt awful thinking about Jarrett’s “white privilege”. White privilege, while real, is not something you want to think about if you’re not white. Thinking about someone’s white privilege when you’re not white guarantees unhappiness.
Even if you are white, thinking about your white privilege can cause unhappiness. That’s why most white people don’t think about it!
Perry knew this of course. What he didn’t know was everything was working out perfectly for him, and for Jarrett. There were plenty pleasant surprises ahead.
But first, things were going to get “worse”.
Jarrett onboard Achilles I at dry dock. (Photo by the author)
The world around you is your subjective life experience. Your life experience comprises a stream of one accretion event after another.
These events look like random compositions of people, circumstances, objects and experiences strung together in a certain timing. Your string of accretion events over time is your life.
Events, circumstances, people and objects in your life aren’t random. These planned events seem random. But they’re not. Who is planning them? And how are they planned?
You plan them. You do so using two simultaneous processes. One is what you look at. The other is what you think about what you look at.
Look at happy things or think happy thoughts. You’ll feel happy. What you’re looking at and thinking about organizes future accretion events matching current ones. Your life will fill with more and more happy events, people and circumstances.
Look at unhappy things or think unhappy thoughts. You won’t feel happy. What you’re looking at and thinking about organizes future accretion events matching current ones. Your life will fill with more and more events, people and circumstances like what you observe.
So, you decide what events, people, situations and circumstances become your experience. You know which ones are coming by how you feel and what you predominately look at and think about.
That’s how you create your life. No one else is doing it. You’re here to create a joyful life, filled with experiences you want to have. But nearly everyone doesn’t live that way, do they?
Why? Because they don’t know what you now know.
Instead, they live life not knowing their feelings are important. They think feelings just come and go. They think they’re responses to what happens in the world. That’s not what they are. That’s not what they’re doing. They are part of processes that create what’s in the world.
· · ·
Emotions are navigational instruments. They help create your life. Like any instrument, they give you information. The information tells you what you’re creating.
Your emotions are navigational instruments. Like this aircraft instrument panel, emotions tell you where you are in relation to your desires: Towards them or away from them. (Photo: Kent Pilcher on Unsplash)
Sometimes your accretion event path includes what feels like negative events. Like feeling jealous because a white guy got a free boat, and you got nothin’. That may feel unpleasant. It may infuriate you. It may cause you to fight for justice.
But “unpleasant” is not encouraging you to fight for anything. It’s offering important navigational information.
Happiness works just like this altimeter. (Photo: FAA public domain)
Say you are flying an airplane one thousand feet in the air. The altimeter (pictured right), which tells you how high above the ground you are, indicates you are descending at a rate of 400 feet a minute.
That means in two minutes thirty seconds, you will crash into the ground.
That’s something you’d want to know, right? Knowing that, you’d probably do something about that. Right? Would you fight for lowering the ground or raising the sky? Of course not.
In the same way “unpleasant” is your instrument giving you actionable information. Perry knows this. He’s been practicing reading his “instrument panel”, the emotions he feels moment by moment. He understands what they mean.
Today, two and a half years after this story, he’s almost mastered acting instantly to his instruments. Experiences in this story helped Perry get where he is now.
The point is, experiences labeled “bad”, “negative”, “unfortunate”, “bad luck”, etc. are never that. They are always good. They are part of the adventure, practice opportunities.
These experiences teach how to read your instruments so you can “fly” through a life full of your best dreams, realized.
You can fly through your life with ease. No hard work or struggle. (Photo: Ayko Neil Kehl on Unsplash)
Back to Perry.
So Perry realized he was at a “you create your reality” cross roads.
On one hand, he felt opportunity. He knew he was the on the path of eventually sailing around the world. If he stayed positive, he’d have many adventures of a lifetime.
On the other hand, and at the exact same time, he felt jealous and bitter comparing his life with Jarrett’s.
But here’s the thing: this path would also culminate in many adventures of a lifetime.
Note that. Both paths leading to the same outcome. Both paths an adventure.
The only difference is the second path takes longer than the first.
Perry’s negative feelings were not because of Jarrett’s supposed White Privilege. At that moment, and many that followed, Perry “faced” both potential paths simultaneously. In that moment, the second path was more probable by the first. How could he tell? By how he felt.
In other words, Perry’s beliefs about disadvantage, “Institutional Racism”, and “White Privilege”, vied with beliefs that Perry can have anything he wants any time he is ready. He could choose any belief. At that moment, he wasn’t choosing the second.
Why? It’s simple. The first ones were more practiced, that’s all.
The more you think a thought or believe a belief, the more influence it has on future life events. The good news is, at any time a thinker or believer can change how they think or believe.
Perry’s anguish was saying: there’s a shorter path! A more fun path! It’s the happy path!
Believing you can have anything you want whenever you’re ready is empowering. Believing your life experiences are limited because of your skin color is not. Both create life experiences consistent with themselves!
Looking back Perry gets it. As we’re writing this through his fingers, he sees how beneficial that moment and the following ones were.
But like many people, most people actually, Perry didn’t make a bold, clear choice. Instead, he waffled between anguish and a measly happiness. Perry stayed in this conflicted space a long time. For months. What happened next illustrates everything you’ve read so far.
Jesus Is Right: You Reap What You Sow. But You’re Never Stuck With It.
Perry’s club membership expired. Jarrett and Perry couldn’t use the club’s boats anymore. But they weren’t worried. Jarrett told Perry once he got “Achilles I” prepped and had it in the water, they’d resume their adventure.
Imagine the mixed bag Perry felt about that!
On one hand, it was wonderful. Had Perry went with that, the next year would have been different. Instead he went with the other hand. 😜
On the other hand, Perry would get to sail, sure. But every time he set foot on “Achilles I”, he’d be reminded about….well…you know.
Then something interesting happened.
Jarrett disappeared.
He wasn’t abducted. He wasn’t murdered. Perry didn’t now what happened. For the next eight months, Perry tried to reach Jarrett. Summer came and went. So did prime sailing weather. He left Jarrett text messages, emails.
Nothing. Of course, Perry thought the worst.
He made Jarrett’s lack of communication about him and Jarrett. He thought Jarrett had used him and his membership to sharpen his sailing skills. Now that he had his own boat, he didn’t need Perry any more. 🙄 🤷🏽♂️
He imagined Jarrett sailing with his friends. His white friends. He imagined that boat being amazing and he being left out. And, as you can imagine, this thinking left him in emotional turmoil.
From Giphy
Here’s what was really going on: Perry’s negative thinking orchestrated accretion events matching the negative thinking. But only for Perry. Jarrett absent for who knows why. Perry in the dumps. No membership meant no boats. No Jarrett also meant no boat. No boat meant no sailing.
After many months, Perry finally did something about his thoughts and beliefs. Using this process he relieved himself of negative thoughts and beliefs about “White Privilege”. The more insignificant they became, the more clarity he gained.
He also gave up criticizing and feeling sorry for himself. He did journal work examining more thoughts and beliefs. In a little while he remembered everything is always working out for him. And he knew in time all this was going to turn out perfectly.
That’s exactly what happened.
One day Jarrett texted. Turns out his dad had a stroke and needed a lot of care. His family needed his help. His dad survived. But he wasn’t the same.
Jarrett and his dad sailing Achilles I. (Photo by the author)
Perry felt like a cad. Remember what we wrote about emotions! They are indicators, like an altimeter. “Feeling like a cad” is an indicator. That’s all. It was telling Perry he could feel differently about things. He only needed to think different.
· · ·
Your Broader Perspective has a bird’s eye view of your life. It knows everything you want and how to get it. It knows there are many paths to what you want.
You don’t have this perspective. You’re human. But you can access your Broader Perspective’s viewpoint. How do you know you’ve done that?
When you feel happy. Happy is the indicator.
Here’s what was great about Jarrett “disappearing”: It gave Perry time revise old disempowering beliefs. Beliefs that slow progress or lengthen the path.
Remember! You can’t live happily if you’re comparing, complaining or entertaining beliefs like “White Privilege” and “Institutional Racism”.
Yet, these things are real. But do they serve you thinking about them? Are you happy thinking about them? No one is. And if you’re not happy, you’re taking the long way. Like Perry was.
So Perry and Jarrett reconnected. Jarrett said Achilles I was at a boat yard. He invited Perry to see it. What happened next was perfect.
The Grass LOOKS Greener But It Never Really Is
Ye ol’ Achilles I on the trailer ready to move. (Photos of Achilles by Jarrett)
We did write that the boat was free, right?
Free and over 20 years old.
Achilles I wasn’t a ready-to-sail beauty. It needed a lot of work. When Perry saw it, he immediately felt better. He was also glad he was not in Jarrett’s shoes. Achilles I’s sails housed mice for 20 years. They were chewed through, pissed on and pooped on. There were holes and repairs needed in the fiberglass hull. The electronics were kaput. Even the engine needed work.
Look at all that dirt and debris! (Photo by Jarrett)
Looking from the bow of Achilles I in the barn. Note how dirty the sail is. (Photo by Jarrett)
From the cockpit looking forward. Note how much dust covered Achilles I decks. It was going to take a lot of work! (Photo by Jarrett)
Looking in the cockpit. The ropes were sitting for decades! (Photo by Jarrett)
Achilles I stern. More work than Perry would have wanted. (Photo by Jarrett)
Getting this boat for free seemed like an envy worthy event. Seeing it in person, Perry saw it much different. He had no responsibility, expense or worry about getting Achilles I ready to sail. But he still got to sail in it.
Jarrett tore apart the engine and overhauled a lot of it. (Photo by Jarrett)
Most of Achilles I’s wiring needed redoing. (Photo by Jarrett)
The front side of Achilles I’s engine taken apart for overhaul. (Photo by Jarrett)
Before…(Photo by Jarrett)
…After (Photo by Jarrett)
Revarnishing the “tiller” what the helmsman uses to steer. (Photo by Jarrett)
One day in the boat yard Perry confessed how he’d been thinking about all this. “It’s ok buddy,” Jarrett said. “I want you to sail with me. I can do the repair work. You’re the only one I know who knows how to sail!”
What a nice ending to the story. Only that wasn’t the end. It got so much better!
Your Broader Perspective Knows “How” Better Than You
Meanwhile his Broader Perspective orchestrated other events. Perry focused being positive about his sailing partner’s good fortune. He busied himself with sailing videos. He visited sailing stores, and read about yachts online. These activities inspired him. They also put him and his Broader Perspective in tune. That made what happened next.
Perry followed an impulse and called a yacht broker. Why not talk with someone who might sell him a boat one day, he thought. Upon hearing his story, the broker offered good advice.
“You might want to find someone willing to take you out on the open ocean,” He said. The broker recommended someone offering such services. But it cost over $4,000 a trip!
Perry wasn’t interested in that.
Meanwhile, Jarrett readied Achilles I. He planned to tow it to a boat ramp, get it in the water, then motor it the last mile into its new home at the local marina.
He needed crew. He called Perry.
What an adventure (in not a good way)! The boat did float. That’s about all. It had no navigation lights. No radio. Not even any sails!
Jarrett arrived at the ramp by 1 p.m. By five, Achilles I still wasn’t in the water. The problem? Hoisting the mast. Once they did that, they put Achilles I in.
Jarrett, the author and his family working on Achilles I at the boat ramp. (Photo by Jarrett’s mom)
But the battery couldn’t start the engine. Jarrett’s parents helped McGuyver the motor running just as it was getting dark. Legally, they should have had navigation lights. Jarrett figured with the motor running, they’d cover the mile before sun down.
Two thirds of the way, the motor quit. Darkness fell a long time ago. No navigation lights. No radio. No motor. No problem. They remembered a tow service emergency number stored in their phones.
Ninety minutes later, they were in the marina. The towboat captain said they were lucky they called. Even with the motor working, had they headed into the marina on their own, odds were they would have run aground.
Jarrett and Achilles I in the marina days after the night time arrival. (Photo by the author)
Did we say everything is always working out?
· · ·
A week later, Perry remembered a website talked about at class. There, people who have sail boats but no crew, and people without boats but wanting to sail could meet online. If the chemistry worked out, the yacht owner could invite the other person to sail on his yacht as crew. Perry found the site and signed up. Three weeks later, he got a call.
The guy introduced himself as Mike. He didn’t own a yacht. He did have an offer Perry couldn’t refuse. Mike told Perry he’s been on the open ocean for more than 50 years. He’s been all over the world. He told Perry he has captained nearly every kind of pleasure boat, and many commercial boats.
Captain Mike (Photo by the author)
Mike said he owned a business moving boats around the world. He was looking for people wanting open ocean experience. You don’t need any experience, he said. In fact, it’s better if you don’t. Mike said his teams moved boats owners either didn’t have time or expertise to do it themselves.
Perry asked Mike how much it would cost him.
“Nothing,” Mike said. “I pay all your expense. You just help me move the boat.”
Captain Mike looking at instruments at the helm while Curt, a crew member steers the boat. (Photo by the author)
Consider this: Perry didn’t know Mike. He didn’t know people do what Mike does. Perry didn’t know a guy like Mike lived not 20 miles from Perry. Perry didn’t know Mike was looking for crew.
When your Broader Perspective organizes events in your life, it works with other people’s Broader Perspectives. Your Broader Perspective has your best interests in mind. Other people’s Broader Perspectives have your interests in mind too. And vice versa.
So when a person shows up in your life, they agreed, through their Broader Perspective, to be there. In being there, they get what they are wanting. Even as you get what you want. Everyone in any situation gets the same thing: what they want. There are no exceptions to this.
That’s how we know everything is always working out. Life is a massive collective orchestration. It’s happening between billions of Broader Perspectives. Together they coordinate innumerable events, which become life on earth.
Mike was looking for unusual people. People interested in being on the open ocean. People who had time for that. People willing to do it for no pay. People who were passionate about it and willing to not just endure but enjoy it.
In return, Mike promised adventure. He promised his crew would learn all there is to know about the open ocean. Navigation, anchoring, safety, hazards…the works.
In other words, exactly what Perry wanted.
It was a perfect fit.
Perry’s first trip was amazing. Mike, and Perry, Jay and Curt two other volunteers, gathered at the Port of Ilwaco, Washington. Their voyage: take the “Mabel J”, a 44-foot TolleyCraft, north over 300 miles to Olympia, Washington.
“Mabel J” being inspected by the crew. (All “ Mabel J” photos by the author)
Engine oil leaks cause a plume of white smoke on startup.
This being his first trip, Perry mostly watched and took pictures. It was a pleasure cruise on a calm sea, which put an ear-to-ear grin on Perry’s face.
Every fulfilled desire contains seeds of new desires. No matter how fulfilling something is, amidst fulfillment exists desire for more. People ask “how does eternity work? Where does it come from?”
The answer is, through desire-fulfillment. New desires are born out of every fulfilled one. Life, eternal life, gets created from new desires born from within fulfilled ones.
Case in point: Perry’s first trip. It got him on the open ocean. The weather was perfect. The trip was easy, leaving lots of time for relaxation. Not more than he could handle. Just enough.
But “Mabel J” was a motor boat. Not a sail boat. The boat was old too. Engine exhaust wafted through cabins, sinking into everyone’s clothes. Everyone breathed diesel fumes the whole trip.
Straight out of the 70s baby! Mabel J’s main salon (Photo by the author)
Mabel J’s galley. (Photo by the author)
The dining area aboard Mabel J. (Photo by the author)
The double berth aboard Mabel J
The author’s ample “owner’s cabin”. It was right above the two CAT engines, so Perry got all the fumes he could handle. And then some! (Photo by the author)
Perry’s poop place. (Photo by the author)
And his hand washing station. ((Photo by the author)
As far as captains go, Mike was stoic but fair. In stressful times, though he was harsh. Everyone aboard respected Mike. After all, he alone was responsible for the owner’s boat. Boats typically costing tens if not many hundreds of thousands of dollars. As captain, his crew is his responsibility too.
So he made sure everyone knew where they stood relative to his authority.
The Captain is always right. That is, if you want to get home. (Photo by the author)
Perry didn’t like this. He prefers being his own ship’s captain. Literally and figuratively.
So here he was, getting to test himself on the open ocean. That fulfilled desire birthed more desire: Sailing his own yacht. Moving by wind, not motor. Sailing in greater luxury. Sailing on his own.
Perry’s Broader Perspective immediately realized all these desires. They would soon become Perry’s reality too. So long as Perry stayed positively focused.
So he ignored what was complaint-worthy. Instead, he put his thoughts on the voyage’s positive aspects. There were many.
For example, cruising into the Puget Sound early one morning, they had over twenty Orca sightings. That night at dinner, Perry learned people come from all over the US to see Orcas in Puget Sound. They pay hundreds to do so. But most see nothing. Not a single whale.
Perry also saw seals, sea lions and dolphin. Minke and Humpback whales too.
One of more than a dozen Orcas seen on the author’s voyage (Photo by the author)
Sea lions basking off the Washington coast. (Photo by the author)
Seattle’s skyline takes on a whole different look from the water. (Photo by the author)
Another Orca spotted in the Puget Sound. (Photo by the author)
Beautiful lighting showed up everywhere. (Photo by the author)
Top that voyage!
Broader Perspective: “Hold my beer!”
Remember, your Broader Perspective has access to infinite possibilities. Perry’s was only getting started!
Days after that trip, Mike called again. He had another assignment. Move a boat from Oxnard, California up to Puget Sound. Mike explained this was a 44-foot Mason sail boat from the mid 80s. Named “Eclipse” it’s fully equipped, ready for ocean voyages, he said. Mason 44s are well-respected and regarded open ocean sail boats. Many sailors covet them.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QZvBLsN1Wp4
Mike thought it would take at least a week or two, to move her. A lot depended on the weather, which was getting worse by the day. Assignments usually diminish in winter. But the owner hoped “Eclipse” could make it north before winter storm season hit.
Mike explained the risks. He was optimistic they’d at least make it halfway. Perry was in. He was excited! In less than a month, he went from no opportunity, to nearly every opportunity.
The Perfect Ocean Adventure Opens Perry’s Eyes
The crew took Amtrak south to Oxnard.
Mike first reserved business class for himself, coach class for his crew. Perry asked if he could pay the extra $50 for business class. Business class is more comfortable. Mike said it wasn’t. Prior to departure, Mike changed his mind. To the crew’s surprise and pleasure everyone had business-class tickets. The business car was quieter and more comfortable.
Rail travel was an adventure in itself. Perry was born in California. Traveling by rail afforded many stops in towns reminiscent of home, including Davis, San Jose, San Luis Obispo and Van Nuys. They served surprisingly good food in the dining car, which Perry enjoyed. He also met and talked with many people who had great stories. There was plenty time too to relax and read and watch California’s desert scenery.
It was a literal vacation. And another desire fulfilled: Perry always wanted to travel through California by rail.
Three days later they arrived at the Marina in Oxnard late that night. They put their gear aboard “Eclipse”, then slept the first night on the boat.
The next morning, Perry explored “Eclipse” in daylight. Its blue hull shined in the California sun. Her hull contrasted nicely with its white and grey decks and golden varnished wood accents. As advertised, “Eclipse” had all kinds of equipped, including an autopilot. Autopilot meant the boat could hold its own course, making hand-steering infrequent. A nice luxury.
Eclipse from the bow. Note the beautiful hull paint, etched stripe and golden varnished wood. (Photo by the author)
Eclipse from the stern as crew member Jay fills the tanks. (Photo by the author)
Decks of Eclipse starboard side. Plenty of equipment for ocean passages. (Photo by the author)
Decks of Eclipse port side. She had more than enough equipment for the journey. (Photo by the author)
View of Eclipse’s cockpit and stern. (Photo by the author)
“How fun it’s going be!” Perry thought. Then he thought about “Mabel J”. Would this trip be better? He counted on it.
And it was.
Mike, a master weather navigator, threaded needles between storm fronts. When that wasn’t possible, they waited out storms in safe anchorages.
As we said before, every fulfilled dream contains seeds of more desire. Living aboard “Eclipse” was not the dream experience Perry imagined. Modern sail boats look like Manhattan Apartments on the inside. They’re beautiful, with their light colors, lots of windows and amenities like microwaves, TVs, washing machines and more.
Interior of a modern ocean cruiser, the CNB 66. (Photo from CNB 66 Promotional brochure. Fair use assessment on file – educational purposes)
This boat’s traditional mariner interior was no doubt beautiful…to some people. To Perry’s champagne tastes, it was worn, cramped, dark. The bathroom was filthy. It reeked of old piss. At anchor, the boat rocked constantly. Its water and fuel tanks sloshed so loud, it was hard to sleep. Sleeping aboard was uncomfortable. Far more uncomfortable than sleeping aboard “Mabel J”. Especially with four other people on a boat really built to accommodate three max. Had Perry not been exhausted each night, sleeping would have been impossible.
The dark, nearly window-less, dank interior of a mid-1980s blue ocean sailboat. (Photo by the author)
Worse, still, Perry got seasick. A lot. The sea was rough most the way. While admiring the view, or standing at the helm, he was fine. The moment he focused on a task – raising a sail, coiling a rope, even taking off his rain gear below – he got sea sick.
Then one night, mid way through, Mike made a calculation error. Winds were stronger than expected. Ocean swells were higher than expected too. Then it got dark. Twenty-five knot winds blew “Eclipse” in circles despite the crew’s best efforts to keep her on course.
A sail jammed. Motoring now, all hands kept watch. Making matters more hairy, crab season started the same week. Commercial fishermen laid hundreds of crab pots along their course. Darkness made seeing their floating buoys near-impossible. Running over one put the pot’s line inline with the boat’s propeller. If the prop got jammed with rope…
Perry didn’t want to think about that.
Usually, Mike stayed below, monitoring charts and catching shut-eye in case an emergency commanded his attention. Not tonight. Over the next three hours, Mike, who is probably near 80, stood at the front of the cockpit, peering through a tiny night vision scope yelling commands to Perry at the helm.
“Turn right!”
“Hard right now! now! now!”
“Left, left, left, now!!!”
“ Nooooo…RIGHT!”
As we’re writing this through Perry’s fingers, he’s smiling. It was something to smile about…after it was over. That night though, no one was laughing. Especially Mike.
Finally, Mike had enough of Perry’s novice steering skills. He called Oneonta to replace him. After a few moments though she was relieved. Jay, the senior crew member, took over. But even he had trouble. Mike was beyond stressed. But Jay, having three trips with Mike under his belt, took it in stride.
It was a harrowing experience right until they pulled into safe harbor around 2 a.m. The physical and psychological strain took its toll on everyone. Especially Mike. Once tied to the dock, he collapsed against the cabin, clearly wiped out.
So was everyone else. Next morning, Mike decreed there’d be no more sailing through the night.
· · ·
The weather picture up north cut the trip short. They left “Eclipse” in Crescent City, California. Perry was glad to be on land again after five days at sea and 10 days away from home. He was exhausted. He never wanted to see “Eclipse” again.
On their six-hour drive back to Portland, he remembered what Jay suggested that dangerous night.
“I think you might want to rethink being on the open ocean,” Jay said.
Sound advice, Perry thought.
Perry got what he wanted. He also learned something. Maybe, he thought, he isn’t fit for the open ocean. That lesson cost him nothing. He had a (mostly) great time.
More important, he saved a lot of money. He prepared to spend millions on his dream yacht.
Did this mean the end of his sailing adventure?
Nope. Every fulfilled desire sows seeds of more desires.
Before leaving “Eclipse” Perry talked with Mike about his seasickness. Mike said most people get over seasickness. Mike said doctors don’t really know very much about why seasickness happens. In his 50 years on the world’s oceans, with dozens of different people, Mike thinks it’s caused by stress. Not ocean conditions.
On Perry’s first open ocean trip, he didn’t get seasick. The second where there was far more stress and danger. Seasick a-plenty.
Who knows? Maybe Mike is right.
· · ·
Months later, Perry thought about that conversation. He thought about how stressful it was crewing for Mike. He thought about how uncomfortable it felt being out of his element. On the open ocean for the second time, first time on a sail boat. He wondered how much being on a boat owned by someone else made it more stressful. He thought how serving under an authority added more stress. He thought about that harrowing night. That alone was stressful!
The more he thought about this, the more he realized this adventure might not be over. He needed more experience. Under different, less stressful conditions. Like Hawaii maybe. 😀🏝
You never reach the end of anything. Life is eternal. Its eternity springs from your desires. Everyone has endless desires. Today Perry attends to his companies, following impulses from his Broader Perspective. His main goal in life is being happy. He knows what happiness means. Being happy lets him know his path will consistently yield happy experiences.
Everything you do in the end is about being happy. People usually do things they think will “make them happy”. Perry figured out life works best the other way around. Being happy first IS being happy. From there you can’t help having experiences matched to that.
We wrote a great piece about how to use happiness the way it’s intended. It’s easy. It results come in seconds. (HT – Abraham-Hicks)
You now know what modern life, motivational speakers and “successful people” don’t. You don’t have to set an intention, make goals and objectives, put them on a timeline, track your progress, and then work your ass off.
You can keep your ass and be successful. Just be happy first. Then watch what happens.
Perry got what he wanted. He also learned something. Maybe, he thought, he isn’t fit for the open ocean. That lesson cost him nothing. He had a (mostly) great time.