It’s a common belief, especially among Americans, that people who don’t work, deserve to be broke. People on government subsistence programs are especially judged.
Usually American conservatives are judging. They say such people are “lazy drains on society”.
In a sense, they are right. Such people aren’t paying attention to the belief constellations they’re building around themselves, which creates the reality they have.
But there’s another reason too. One the rest of us can do something about.
One reason such programs are necessary is because civilization makes such programs necessary. A civilization is possible where such programs aren’t necessary. Such a civilization could enrich everyone, no matter what they’re doing. And, said enrichment doesn’t have to cost anyone anything.
That last part is important. I’ll revisit that later. In short, our beliefs create our reality. Everything is possible. But not if you don’t believe everything is possible. And a lot of us don’t believe everything is possible. But it is.
· · ·
I get to talk with many conservatives. I’ve learned a lot. Their criticism against such ideas as “we can have a civilization where everyone is rich, no matter what they do” feels valid to them. They call such beliefs “unrealistic progressive utopian fantasies”. They call their believers “socialists”, “libtards” or worse. I’ve found there are a couple reasons for this.
One, they worry such ideas could wreck what we currently have. It’s a “don’t break what’s working” mentality. Or, a “move slow so you don’t break what’s working” mindset.
That’s legit. Throwing out what’s working isn’t smart. Don’t quit your day job, right? Especially if you believe a day job is the only way to consistent income. It’s not the only way. But it is the only way if you believe that.
The “unknown unknowns”, as Donald Rumsfeld once called them, that conservatives worry about keep them from entertaining ideas progressives believe are needed. Given unforeseeable negative future consequences, these new ideas aren’t worth considering, they say.
Looking at some alternatives offered, I get that concern. But they’re not all bad.
But there’s a bigger reason conservatives push back against progressive ideas. Whether it’s my idea or Alexandria Ocasio Cortez’s Green New Deal, conservatives believe they’re unnecessary. And so not worth paying for. Especially (and this is critical) if they have to do the paying.
So their legit concerns over practical matters spills over into a distorted selfishness. Their caution becomes an argument for keeping things the same. And their wallets full.
It’s not these people’s fault. Their belief constellations say the world’s working for everyone. Those it’s not working for? That’s their fault. Why change it? Meanwhile others say it’s not working. These folks want to change it.
Both are. The world is working for everyone. And, the world can always be improved.
For sure, it’s unfair to say all conservatives feel the world is fine. It IS fair to say though that some progressives believe the world is fine. Particularly rich ones. And some conservatives believe that too.
Beliefs Determine Our Civilization
I know human civilization reflects our collective belief constellations. Our collective belief constellations create what we call society. Which is why I know changing infrastructures and institutions often compounds problems rather than fixing them.
Infrastructure – government, laws, etc., I’ve learned are ideas made manifest. Ideas are beliefs prepared to be shared. I can’t change a physical structure in my personal life and expect real change while ignoring beliefs I have underlying said structure.
For example, if I’m trying to change my financial status through action, I may become monetarily successful. But if my beliefs about finances and money still reflect lack, then it’s likely whatever success and money I have realized will go away. Real change happens at the ideological level, i.e. one’s beliefs.
Our collective mindset is humanity’s biggest impediment. It shapes our civilization, which in turn, reinforces everyone’s opinion. That’s because humans like looking at the world as it is, then form an opinion of what they see. That opinion collects about it similar opinions, becoming a constellation of opinions or beliefs. Eventually that collection of beliefs is reflected into the world they’re looking at.
They could form an opinion first, then watch as civilization shapes to that. That is what visionaries do. It’s what everyone who changes the world does.
Everyone else constrains their opinion to what they see. The more what they see negatively effects their wallet, the more intense their opinion. Their opposition too.
Which is why some conservatives, but not all, express crazy-sounding views about their fellow humans. They are crazy views. Unless you agree with them.
For example, a conservative I was talking with recently compared certain people to drone bees. He said, like drones, people on subsistence programs, or otherwise not “pulling their weight” are worthless drains on productive people. Productive people meaning, like himself:
“Drones, whether bees or other creatures, produce nothing of value. Well, that’s not entirely true – one male bee may get lucky and impregnate the queen of the next new colony. But even that contribution to production is indirect; the male doesn’t produce honey, the females do”.
Distortions fill this opinion/belief. It also shows how such distortions become people’s truths. Even though they’re distortions.
It is inaccurate, for example, to suppose drones “produce nothing of value”. Or even limited value. If that were the case, drones wouldn’t exist.
Drones do exist. Which means they have intrinsic value. Nothing that exists is value-less. If it were, it wouldn’t exist. After all, every thing is All That Is. Would All That Is waste its energy creating something of no value?
Of course not.
People sometimes look to science for understanding. But science is mostly wrong about what it knows. I’m not a science denier. I understand science. Possibly more than most lay people.
Science has some things right. But what it gets right is minuscule compared to total knowledge. It’s also small compared to what it thinks it knows as right. In other words, some things science thinks it knows right aren’t. And a lot of what it could know, that could be helpful, is not interesting to science:
Science has proven this over and over. It’s amazing to me people get angry when I say this, when it’s so obvious.
I’m not saying science is worthless. It has value. It exists :-). But let’s not let it alone dictate opinion. For it is often wrong. More often than it is right.
· · ·
Life’s plenty looks wasteful/valueless. So many drone bees. All those seeds a single tree produces with only a few becoming trees. All those leaves falling to the ground each fall. Leaves humans have to rake up.
…But every seed, every tree, every leaf is purposeful and valuable INTRINSICALLY.
Humans are too.
Human Beings Are “Value” Made Material
Here’s what that means, dear reader. Even though you or science may not yet believe it. That human you’re looking at, then claiming has no value, is value in and of itself. It doesn’t “have” value. It “IS” value.
If it wasn’t, the human wouldn’t be.
Which brings us to this post’s headline.
As with drone bees, leaves or any other physical reality, humans you believe are worthless are immense value. You just don’t recognize, understand or want to acknowledge it. That’s ok. You don’t have to.
We also can change civilization. So everyone gets what they want, without it costing you anything.
That last part’s worth repeating. That person you think is worthless, whether progressive, conservative, lazy or not, can get everything they want. They can enjoy wealth. Without doing what you think they must to get it.
That can’t happen in today’s society. That’s because it’s based on beliefs that aren’t true. Well they are, but only in our current version of civilization.
Outside that they’re completely and utterly false.
· · ·
The only thing slowing down progress is this: people’s persistent belief that this civilization is the only one worth having.
You may think that. But there are far more people who believe different.
And those people are winning. Which is why you see so much churn today. We can have less churn as we progress. But alas, humans love drama.
Progress is going to happen whether you want it to or not. The question is, how will you relate to it? Will you go kicking and screaming, reviling your fellow human along the way?
Or are you going to enjoy the process? Maybe even get positively focused?
Your beliefs shape your response. Another question: do you realize that?
A lot of funny stuff goes on in life. After death too.
You could say life is, as Abraham likes to say, a situation comedy.
If you don’t take life too seriously.
Not finding life a barrel of monkeys?
It might be because you’re not in on the jokes.
You’re in on the jokes when you’re in touch with your Inner Being. Your Inner Being constantly communicates with you via your intuition. Your intuition guides you to everything you want.
Unless you can’t hear it. Or don’t follow it. Or you think it can’t be trusted.
Here’s the good news. Your Inner Being knows you are eternal. You have all the time in the universe. So not following your intuition right now is no big deal.
You will in time.
· · ·
Our Inner Beings play with us sometimes. That’s one reason people don’t trust intuition. They aren’t in on the jokes. It’s not malicious. Playfulness reminds you to play more. Play is an essential part of what you are.
Near the end of his 30-minute meditation one morning, Perry felt his Inner Being count the seconds…4…3…2…1…
Riiiiing! went the timer. Perry laughed. His Inner Being was showing off. It’s nice to be in on the jokes.
Humor dominates in the realm of gods and humans. Unless you’re taking life too seriously.
Perry and his wife Bridget last week went to a movie. They saw the sci-fi flick “Prospect”. Both were eager to see it. When they got there, the theater was closed.
So they went to Starbucks for a chai and coffee.
There, Perry chatted up the barista. She just started her shift. Perry’s Inner Being runs the show more often than not these days. So silly, playful interactions with strangers in public are normal. Sometimes to Bridget’s embarrassment.
But she’s getting used to it. She describes Perry as “a 54 year old going on 4”.
Outcomes great and small come from these antics. This Starbucks visit was no exception.
Bridget fell in love with this black reusable cup, but didn’t want to buy it. She pointed it out and mentioned how she liked it. Meanwhile, Perry kept playing with the barista.
Drinks ordered and paid for, they waited.
Finally their drinks were ready. To Bridget’s surprise, the barista made her drink in the cup Bridget mentioned liking. No charge.
She looked at the barista. The barista looked at Perry, smiled and said “thanks for making my morning.”
Back to the theater.
The box office, which used to be outside, is now located inside with the concessions. That way while movie-goers buy tickets, they can impulse buy over-priced candy and soda.
Perry wanted to go upstairs and get the tickets. But Bridget said they couldn’t bring their drinks into the theater. She pointed to the sign saying so.
Perry wasn’t having it. His Inner Being wanted what it wanted. Sometimes though, old beliefs and new, better serving ones vie for Perry’s focus.
“A happy wife is a happy life”. That’s a common belief in Western culture. It’s not something Perry totally believes, but he believes it enough to have stayed downstairs with his wife and finish some of his drink…
…until his Inner Being wasn’t having it anymore. We wanted to go inside.
When they got to the register, Bridget was nervous. On their way upstairs she hid her drink under her coat. It was obvious she was hiding something. Perry thought that funny.
He brandished his drink like freak flag, continuing what he started at Starbucks at the concession stand.
The theater staff loved it. While Bridget worried about the drinks, the crew ignored them. They were too busy laughing and joking.
Tickets in hand, Bridget and Perry headed to their seats. Bridget put her drink in the cup holder, then reached for her purse. Some money fell to the floor and rolled under her seat. Perry got up to get it.
Bridget said don’t worry about it, but it was too late. Perry was already looking.
So, Bridget got up, not knowing she inadvertently got her coat wedged between the cup holder and her cup. When she stood up, she spilled her coffee…almost a full 20 ounce cup…on herself, her chair, the floor.
A frothy, sticky mess.
At first it wasn’t funny. But then, knowing what she knows, Bridget laughed. Perry too.
The whole theater smelled of tall-breve-extra-whatever-it-was Bridget ordered. Her dress and coat were soaked. But at least she got that cup!
The movie started. The coffee incident faded. Bridget’s wet bottom, and coffee smell were the only reminders.
The real fun came a few days later…
That’s when Perry realized both he and his wife got exactly what each focused on. Taking outside food and drinks inside was a no-no. The sign said so. Bridget wanted to follow the rules. So she ended up without a drink. Just as if the crew told her she could’t bring it in.
Meanwhile, Perry got to enjoy the rest of his drink, dry and happy. In his reality, posted signs restricting behavior give way to his connection with his Inner Being.
· · ·
There’s a lot of funny happening in life. But if you’re not in on the joke(s), you’re missing the fun.
Abraham likes to call life a “situation comedy”. Perry’s starting to understand what they mean. He’s taking life a lot less seriously these days.
So here’s how to get in on the joke and transform your life in the process.
Tap into your broader perspective
First, you have to realize you have what we call broader perspective. Broader perspective is seeing from your eternal, fundamental nature. From this view, you see life different. It is just one of infinite adventures you are having as part of who and what you are.
You can realize your broader perspective in many ways. Meditation is effective. So are experiences such as Ayahuasca events. But the best way is letting life demonstrate it to you. How does that happen? By realizing you are creating your reality.
You are creating your reality. We’re not being metaphorical. You are forming your moment-by-moment daily life via beliefs you hold.
The process is supposed to produce joy, freedom and invincibility. But many don’t get there until after death. Meanwhile, their life sucks. Or it vacillates between OK and sucky, with fleeting moments of awesomeness.
Once you begin realizing your broader perspective, then explore how you create your reality, life gets fun. And funny. You start realizing everything in your life experience is under your spell. Even other people.
That means nothing can happen in your life experience that isn’t a demonstration of your beliefs. So if you have the power to change beliefs, you have the power to change your reality.
It’s as simple as that.
But to someone who hasn’t had this personal life experience, “you create your reality” and “you are invincible” and “you are eternal” are just words. Enough evidence in your personal life experience proves overwhelmingly convincing. Which brings us to the next step:
Notice the proof
The more you explore these ideas and experiences, the more life will demonstrate the accuracy of what you’re reading. Demonstrations start small. Before long, they get significant. Then overwhelming.
overwhelmed with evidence, you’ll get bold. You’ll play more and more with significant beliefs. You’ll challenge beliefs you thought were fundamental life truths. When your life experiences show they aren’t, you’ll start exploring even more.
Practice, practice, practice
Practice will make you proficient. Before long you will master your life experience like a boss. You’ll generate your life the way you want, at will. You’ll find you’re never alone. Rather, innumerable beings are always by your side, assisting you.
They’ll convince you life is fun. And adventure.
Now, you are in on the joke.
· · ·
Do these steps consistently. You’ll find yourself getting more and more of what you want, easier than before.
Your results come faster if you’re happy. Happiness doesn’t only depend on pleasing situations. You can create happiness at will. No matter what circumstances you face….
Practicing being happy can clue you into your broader perspective too. Pay enough attention, you’ll find being happy shifts many old beliefs. Over time, happiness can also convince you that life reflects your beliefs. It just takes more evidence-awareness that way.
There’s a lot of funny stuff going on in life. You don’t have to wait until after death to get in on it.
You can start now and deliberately write the comedy you’re living.
It’s easy sometimes to get frustrated in a marriage or partnership.
Relationships can also be a perfect blend of constant wonder and delight.
Which one you get –– frustration or wonder and delight –– depends on your perception.
Often, disagreements and frustration, for both parties, happen when one person tries to control the other’s behavior. In most cases “trying to control” is not an intentional, malicious act. The person doesn’t want to control the other. They just want to be happy.
Controlling behavior happens when a person feels insecure. They tries to soothe the insecurity through controlling their partner’s actions. Inadequacy, feeling out of control, insecure, shame, embarrassment, or righteous indignation can all trigger “controlling” behavior.
The person tries to control conditions they think are causing the feeling. “Conditions” usually mean their partner.
The problem is conditions aren’t triggering the emotions. Their beliefs about the conditions are.
You’ll notice when a controlling person succeeds, they aren’t happy for long. The controlled person isn’t either. So controlling spawns future dissatisfaction leading to…you guessed it: more need to control.
It’s a vicious cycle. A cycle that leaves people feeling alone. Even in relationship.
Trying to control another person’s behavior so you feel better backfires sooner or later. Sometimes a lot sooner.
People aren’t stupid. They can tell when a person is trying to control them.
Put more accurately, every human knows they came to express inherent freedoms. No one wants someone telling them what to do.
Including very young children.
But especially grown mature, aware people.
· · ·
The easiest way to get what you want in relationship is to let your spouse do whatever they are wanting. Observing that, be happy with the fact that they’re doing that instead of what you want.
Even better: want to get what you’re wanting from your spouse? Then change what you’re wanting to what your spouse is already doing.
Voila! You’re now getting what you’re wanting.
We can hear the eye-rolls….
But there is wisdom here.
Change what you want from your partner to wanting what your partner is already doing. You will find peace. You’ll stop controlling. Your partner gets to do what they want. Everyone gets happy.
Can you say you feel good when you’re controlling your partner against their will?
We thought not.
The problem is your perception, not the conditions. A long-term practice learning to seeing your partner’s positive aspects can transform them. It can recreate your partner without your partner changing.
An example from Perry’s marriage is apt:
One day, Perry’s wife, Bridget, began practicing meditation. She meditated before, but it was sporadic and thus not very effective. After witnessing Perry’s results, Bridget began meditating in earnest.
She supplemented her practice with other approaches. The combination revealed how easy it is to get what she wants. Especially doesn’t try to get anything.
Getting what she wanted required letting go of controlling her husband. Six months passed with the task undone. Yet Bridget had to experience conditions she wanted to control as perfect. With no regard for changing him or the situation.
Some days later, after consistent practice, Bridget found herself more relaxed. Then, one day, she got an intuition that the task she’s wanting Perry to do was about to resolve in a delightful way. Her intuition encouraged her to prepare to be surprised…
Around the same time, Perry, received his own impulse: it said “now is about the time to do (the task)”.
Perry knows that, before taking any action on an impulse, it’s best to let it grow to where it is impossible to ignore. So he allowed this impulse to sit in his awareness with nothing more than a casual acknowledgement of it.
Days passed. Then a week.
During that time Bridget received more impulses. They excited her. Later she told Perry she wanted to tell him what was happening, but knew if she did, she’d muck up the process. So she kept it all to herself.
Meanwhile, Perry kept receiving more and more impulses.
Until one day, Perry felt overcome with wanting to do this task.
He told Bridget he was going to do it the next day.
Bridget, as you can imagine, delighted to hear this. What made that it extra sweet was she knew it was going to happen and her excitement was building the whole time.
· · ·
These days, such things happen often in Perry and Bridget’s relationship. It’s no surprise the two of them continue to practice the work. The evidence for them is overwhelming.
The work works.
Now there’s nothing wrong with getting excited about outcomes like this. Realize this kind of thing happens all the time and the excitement gives way to expectation. Expectation is the sweet spot. It prepares perception to perceive and appreciate more such events.
For Bridget, it was a profound demonstration. It showed she can create any reality. Including one in which she can influence her partner’s behavior!
Everyone has this ability.
It is as natural as breathing. Everyone brings it with them when they come into physical reality.
Exercising this natural ability requires gradually releasing beliefs obscuring this ability. There’s great freedom in exercising it. You can let everyone else in your life off the hook for what happens in your life.
Instead, you can watch everything you’re wanting come into your experience. Not from action. But from your subtle attention to what you’re wanting. A positive outlook and expecting that everything is always working out for you helps too.
So here are the steps to getting what you want out of your spouse (or anyone):
First discover your own autonomy.
Learn to identify then soothe beliefs that spawn controlling behavior.
You do that by examining your belief constellations. Or by creating new, more empowering ones that will replace your old ones.
Meditation, therapy, bibliotherapy and journaling are all effective was of examining beliefs. Another way: Pay attention to your negative feelings. They always lead you back to a flawed premise or belief.
Let’s say your family always dined together at the dinner table. You gained a lot from that experience. Now as an adult, your partner prefers eating while watching tv. Or he or she prefers a quick bite over formal dinner.
Let’s say your family always dined together at the dinner table. You gained a lot from that experience. Now as an adult, your partner prefers eating while watching tv. Or he or she prefers a quick bite over formal dinner.
It annoys you when he or she declines your offer to a formal dinner every night. As a result you feel negative emotion –– insecurity, frustration, sadness, wistful. So you get angry. Where’s that coming from? A well-practiced belief. Some possible examples:
“My partner doesn’t love me”
“I married a selfish person”
“I can never get what I want”
“There’s no love here”
But you aren’t aware of the belief. You just know you’re mad. Then you say something you usually wouldn’t, hoping your partner will give you what you’re wanting.
Notice the beliefs don’t describe your partner or your relationship. They describe what you’re thinking about your partner or your relationship.
Rather than reacting from your anger. Look at the feeling.
Ask yourself: “Why it is important for me to repeat that experience as an adult?”
Then ask, “Why am I trying to cajole that experience out of someone who doesn’t share my past experience?”
Have a journal handy to help you probe the answer.
Your partner isn’t there to recreate your past family dynamics. Your partner is there to enjoy his life. Like you. Berating or shaming your partner to do something they don’t want to never works. You’ll be resentful you had to force them. And you’re going to lose in the long run.
Next: Practice increasing your focus on your partner’s positive aspects.
This is easy.
After all, you married (or partnered) with this person. At one point these were front and center. Again, meditation, book reading, therapy and journaling can assist here.
We do not suggest talking to a friend. Friends sympathize with what you’re going through. They don’t have your best interest at heart. Friends often like to commiserate.
Commiserating is not helpful.
A hyper-focus on your partner’s “weak points” or “areas of development” makes them shine bright.
Focus on those and before long that’s all you see. Then your love turns to resentment. While your partner becomes a scoundrel …when viewed from your negative belief constellations.
Any focus practiced becomes habitual.
So practicing focusing on another’s positive aspects can become habitual too.
Start by keeping a list of everything positive you already know about them. Then begin noticing things beyond what you already know. Write them down in a journal. Acknowledge their existence. Notice, as you practice this, how your mood about the person changes. The more positive aspects pile up, the less negative you begin feeling about the person.
When you’re comfortable, start acknowledging things they do that are positive. No matter how insignificant, share your appreciation to the person. Do it face to face or in a text or handwritten note.
Tip: You’re not manipulating. You’re not trying to change your partner. You’re not even trying to change you. You’re changing how you feel about them.
Next: Develop a practice which re-acquaints you with the massively beneficial and wonderful things about your relationship.
It’s easy to get caught up complaining and lose sight not only of gifts your partner brings, but also gifts you two together create.
The same process above can help you develop a chronic habit of relationship appreciation.
Note the positive aspects being with this person creates. Write them down. In time, share them with your partner. Don’t worry if they don’t feel the same way you’re beginning to. Remember, this is not about them.
Then, after at least 60 days, pick something light and easy, that you would prefer your partner to do. (Don’t try this too early, you’ll re-energize your old habits and beliefs.)
Say to yourself, very lightly, with hardly any focus on it, what that is. Say it in a positive, almost nonchalant tone. Like: “wouldn’t it be nice if Alphonso took out the garbage this week?”.
Then, after thinking this statement once, drop it. Drop it completely from your consciousness. Try to obliterate it from your mind, as if it never came up.
If you’ve done everything up to this point each day, then one day, not next week, Alphonso will take out the garbage. You might even receive an pre-intuitive impulse that something is up. Like Bridget did.
Resist the temptation to say anything to Alphonso. Keep it all to yourself.
You’ll be surprised and delighted, but don’t show it. Instead savor the experience.
But do make note of this in your journal!
· · ·
This is a practice. It may or may not happen over night.
It may not happen in the first year. But there is no rush because you are eternal. And, nothing is wrong with Alphonso not taking out the garbage anyway!
Practice this. You’ll be astonished. Become clear about what’s in your belief constellation. Shift your focus to positive aspects of your relationship, and your partner/spouse. In time you will discover you’re in a pretty awesome relationship. And your partner/spouse is awesome too.
Keep it up and pretty soon you’ll want to explore other ways your beliefs create your reality.
The most convincing proof is personal life experience. When what you’re reading here, happens in your life, things “get real”. You can’t help feeling impervious to misfortune and negative situations.
You’ll come to believe your invincibility.
That will radically change your partnership or marriage. It will leave you living more and more in constant wonder and delight.
This story was originally published on The Transamorous Network. We believe the message is worth amplifying…WARNING: Contents of this story may be triggering.
In our opinion, a person can’t for long explore transness without furthering exploring race. Both topics are near-identical.
And while we prefer not to refer to ourselves in certain, socially-accepted ways, it is this socially-accepted identification which prompts our writing.
You see, before 2015 or so, we identified as a black male human being.
However, since that year, we’ve discovered some number of things which make that identification irrelevant. That is, unless, we feel the impulse to write about topics like this one.
Then that identification adds credibility.
Today, we are writing about our blackness, our maleness and our cis-ness because sharing our experience might help just one person. If it helps just one person, we consider the time investment a win.
Transgender is the new black
Humanity continues to expand into itself. What that means is, the potential that is humanity, is being explored by humanity. Some of what humanity discovers about itself shocks itself. That shock often causes reprehensible-seeming human behaviors.
Eventually though, everything balances. And the exploration continues merrily.
It took a while for example, for humanity to begin seeing “blacks” as worthy enough to merit rights and privileges “whites” enjoy, at least under law, if not socially and culturally. We are putting “blacks” and “whites” in quotes, simply because that distinction is a fiction. There really is no appreciable difference between a human described as “black” and one described as “white”.
Indeed all that stuff was made up specifically to divide humanity. Briefly: In the “new world” wealthy land owners created the idea of “black” and “white” to cause poor “white people” to reject their economic and human peers who happened to have darker skin. For a time in colonial America, many “blacks” and “whites” who were poor, lived closely with and felt solidarity towards each other. They slept together. Ate together. Had sex with each other. They married. They ran off together. They saw each other as comrades.
That is, until the wealthy divided them with this made-up distinction.
Why? This multicultural group far outnumbered wealthy landowners. That was a problem. So the wealthy concocted a new belief: whiteness.
Over time poor “white people” began believing they were better than poor “black people”.
The rest is history.
And that is enough history.
· · ·
Our point is, we no longer see ourselves through many false lenses which have no relevance to who we really are. But many people still do. Even though they are fundamentally no different than we.
Most humans identify themselves by something which separates them from the rest of their kind. Hard to deny, right?
We don’t have a problem with that.
Except that while distinctions can bring people together, the “coming together” is always also an exclusion: those who are not distinctly similar become outsiders.
Comparison happens. And judgement. In judging, insecurity rises. “Judge not lest ye be judged” is a reference to that. Insecurity always fosters fear. And in that fear and insecurity one always finds external life circumstances that justify one’s fearful and insecure feelings.
Whether you’re black, trans, gay, latino an original people, or, in today’s, world a cis-het-white male, nearly everyone goes in and out of fear and insecurity.
We suggest being transgender is the new black when it comes to social justice and equal rights. That’s because transgender people experience today, socially, what blacks did in the 50s and sixties and earlier. There are differences, of course. Rarely was a black person shunned by their family, for example, the way many transgender people are.
It’s a common, although unnatural human reaction to try to “one-up” one’s historical suffering. It’s as though humans see suffering as a badge of honor. It isn’t. So when we compare the black experience with the transgender one, we are not saying they are equal. What we’re saying is transgender and black people face many similar struggles. And in that similarity can be gained huge leverage towards positive change.
But neither can do that while standing in fear and insecurity.
For example, segments of both groups appropriate self-referential slurs and recast them as terms of empowerment. “Nigga” is the most obvious from the black community. “Tranny” and “bitch” are similar in some parts of the transgender community. The more impoverished the subgroup, the more empowerment such appropriation seems to be. That’s been our experience.
And, while “nigga” as a term of empowerment in the black community is well known, “tranny” and “bitch” as similar empowering terms may not be as familiar to some transgender community members. Among transgender people of color, however, it is far more common and understood.
Of course, enormous experience diversity exists throughout both groups. And, while it may be taboo to acknowledge, it can’t be ignored that intense inter-group hatred also exists within both groups. It’s odd to us that members of an oppressed group would turn around and oppress one another. Behavior we see between in-group members sometimes rivals that which comes from those who are recognized haters of said group.
This is so consistent, one has to wonder why more transgender and black people aren’t more understanding of the people who hate them. For the same insecurity and fear transgender and black people feel in their lives, is identical to that being experienced in the minds and hearts of those who hate them, don’t understand them or who refuse to acknowledge their very real existence.
Human is human.
It doesn’t matter what triggers fear and insecurity. It is a fact some “white, cis, males and women” feel fear and insecurity when faced with both the “transgender movement” and the “black people”. It doesn’t matter why they feel frightened and insecure. The fact is, that’s what they are feeling.
And if you think about any time you felt those strong emotions, you’ll remember how difficult it was for you to think straight. Let alone open-mindedly.
If you’re triggered right now, you may be feeling that lack of ability now.
Now we’re not denying the very real power and leverage other groups have over transgender people and “black people”. Our experience with the few people we’ve worked with however tells a compelling story.
The story is corroborated by our own life experience: A belief is a powerful thing. Humans are far more than human. When an individual human does something about the beliefs they have, instead of directly confronting their life experience, their experiences faithfully reflect work done at the belief level.
In other words, when a person examines then changes their beliefs about life rather than confronting life experience directly, their life experience begins reflecting the newly held beliefs!
This is not the case at the group level. Groups, for example, have a hard time accomplishing what we’re sharing here because individuals comprise groups and individuals are the main event, not the group. No group of people shares life experience. Each life experience is unique. So making changes of the type we’re describing at the group level is not possible.
But when an individual chooses to change their beliefs about anything, the reality of the thing that is the subject of the belief changes!
This is why we do not advocate humans joining other humans, even though that seems like the expedient method of change.
An individual human is always more powerful than millions of humans grouping together when that human becomes aware of what they are underneath their humanity and exercises that in the direction of what they are wanting.
But when a human lives in fear, insecurity and vulnerability, they have no power at all. They are literally at the mercy of their life experience. In that, it seems their world and the people in it have far more power than they do. And while they remain in fear, insecurity and vulnerability, other people do have more power. And so, it makes sense so many would want to join forces with each other, in order to even the odds.
We’re not arguing against joining others in pursuit of what you want. We’re just offering perhaps a new perspective for individuals, which can make individuals more powerful.
Whether they join with others or stand alone.
“Black” and “transgender” are deeply disempowering
A person who identifies with an identity such that that identity disappears becoming part of their “what is”-ness, the belief and identity alsodiminishes who they are into a single dimension. A belief held long enough becomes “just what is.” It is no longer questioned. It is no longer thought about. It’s just there in the background. There, in the background it shapes all life experience to be consistent with it.
That’s how powerful beliefs are. They are alive and are literally the stuff of life.
When a human creates for themselves, or takes on a belief such as this, they lose their connection with their natural invincibility and instead experiences directly the disempowering nature of the belief.
When a person identifies as “black”, for example, they take upon themselves all that is conveyed by that. Both the good and the bad and all the experience lumped under that story/belief. Same with transgender identity.
A “black” person therefore acts in cahoots with those on the other side of that belief. He or she reinforces perspectives held by “the other side” as well as those on their own side. It doesn’t matter if that “black” person is financially, materially or socially successful. They become a function of everything it “is” to be black.
Taking on the belief, they look out in life and identify with experiences of “blacks”. They look at people attacking “blacks” and identify with the vulnerability of those being attacked. Identifying with that vulnerability, they get angry. Anger is a natural response to feeling vulnerable because vulnerability is decidedly not what any human is.
But the moment that vulnerability is embraced –– and it happens in milliseconds –– life experience begins reflecting that. Held onto long enough, life experience will reflect more and more overt experiences consistent with being vulnerable.
Until the person chooses a more empowering belief.
A personal example may clarify.
· · ·
We remember when very young, after our parents’ divorce, our “mother” moved us from California to the east coast. She needed support from her family as a single black mother of three boys. We (the we that is Perry) loathed that move. Our love of California was absolute. Leaving it filled us with resentment.
Arriving in Virginia, we were immediately treated poorly by people who looked like us. Our manner of speaking, our scholastic excellence, our west coast behavior attracted attention that was stark in comparison to how people who didn’t look like us –– “white people” –– treated us in California.
Thus anger, resentment, then fear and more vulnerability fomented in us. Did the life experiences generate the feelings and beliefs? Or vice versa? To gain clarity, lets back up a bit.
In California for a time we lived in a black community. Our family experience was not the best and so we developed beliefs quite consistent with being vulnerable and fearful. Taking those beliefs outside the house, we had met people who looked like us which reinforced those beliefs. We were bullied, got into fights, were attacked by dogs, etc.
There’s a saying: every old sock meets an old shoe. It applies to beliefs and experience: every belief will draw to it a corresponding experience.
Later, we moved to an all-white community as our prosperity increased. We felt relief leaving an environment we interpreted as hostile (not recognizing the connection between beliefs and reality).
There, we made friends. Everyone around us was “white”. Life got better. Our feelings of insecurity and fear soothed as our family situation improved. Or seemed like it. We were there long enough so that we developed a sense of peace, security and comfort, even as our parents’ relationship deteriorated.
When the divorce happened and it was clear we’d be moving, our old beliefs resurfaced. Landing in Virginia rekindled more underlying fears. Every old sock meets an old shoe: experiences with “black people” consistent with those beliefs returned.
We attempted to compensate becoming proficient in martial arts. It helped shift old beliefs into new more empowering ones. But the momentum of old beliefs weren’t done with us.
One day while delivering papers on our paper route, a gang of “black” youths cornered us in an apartment complex and attempted to rob us. We had no money, but the experience was insightful.
It wasn’t until three months ago (some 40-plus years later) that we saw how our beliefs created all our youth experiences, leaving us with a profound sense of empowerment.
Recognizing how our beliefs created our life experiences inspired new possibilities in us.
Those possibilities implemented in the last five years leave us where we are today. Today where we no longer feel the need to identify with labels created by those seeking to soothe theirinsecurity by keeping us in ourvulnerability.
We now look into the world through these insights. What we see are humans doing their best to make sense of a world around them, not understanding how much leverage they have over that world as an individual. So they join into groups and fight against that which they want changed, not knowing that in their fighting they are allying with their oppressor.
Again, we’re not saying don’t join groups and don’t work to change the status quo.
What we are saying is, individuals can be far more productive than they are when they assume identities (beliefs about themselves) that, paradoxically both give empowerment to the individual and legitimizes within the person their “less than” status.
We’ve noticed an interesting phenomena around this topic among transgender women of color and trans-attracted men of color. Before we detail the peculiarity, we’ll provide some context.
· · ·
Three years ago, we launched The Transamorous Network. It was an exploratory project. Through it we intended to help men who are attracted to transgender women and transgender women interested in having wholesome relationships with cis-men. We felt we could help soothe the struggle both parties have finding love in their lives.
Our own trans-attraction, and our struggle to find meaningful, wholesome relationships with transgender women legitimized our desire. We believed our approach, which has eliminated the struggle we experience through our trans attraction, could be helpful for others. Others who resonate with our message.
Over the years we received emails from different kinds of people. Not just trans-attracted men, but women and transpeople wanting help. We consider these people, people who are attracted to transgender people, part of a “broadened” transgender community. All of them were relieved to find a website like ours, one that assures them their trans-attraction is wholesome and normal.
Not long after launching the website, we began interviewing people in this demographic on YoutTube and through a podcast. Then we began a Facebook Live show talking about more urgent issues our audiences was interested in from our unique perspective only.
From the beginning we’ve always approach each topic from the same accurate perspective. This perspective can be frightening and off-putting for people deeply immersed in the struggles of their lives. So we have some experience hearing the thoughts and beliefs people in the broader transgender community have about themselves, their struggles and why they think they struggle.
Curiously, a far larger share of men of color seem to comprise the population of trans-attracted males. In one private Facebook group of 100 such men, 60 of the men are men of color, for example.
When we look at that, we believe it represents an “entanglement” between male people of color and transgender people. But that’s another story.
Our perspective in our content is highly confronting to transgender and black people. What we are essentially saying is if you change how you think about yourself and your world, then take action from those new perspectives, your world will easily change. But if you try to change the world first, before changing the way you think about it, you are going to have a frustrating, painful and unhappy life experience.
The reason we believe this is so confronting to these two particularly oppressed groups is because they can not fathom that they are at the center of all they are experiencing. And, being in the center of it all, they have all the power to change their experience.
Consider a person who believes in “man” and “woman” so deeply, the belief disappears into their consciousness, becoming simply “what is”. Then that person is confronted with what they see as a “man” who claims to be a “woman”. The dissonance, incredulity and shock of such an experience blows away this deeply held concept of life, even though life is sitting right there in front of their eyes, telling that person that their belief is too narrow as it regards human life.
Such a deeply intimate relationship between a person such as this and their belief can’t tolerate confrontation. The only response to such confrontation is retaliatory confrontation. Feeling intimate insecurity of a deeply held belief, this person will knee-jerkingly try to control the circumstance (the life experience) so that it reconforms to the belief.
When instead, the more simple, more powerful approach is to just change the belief.
We know. Easier said than done.
Well the same is true for a person whose deeply-held belief goes thusly:
“I am a single, vulnerable, fallible, mortal human being. Here for god knows what reason, in a physical world that is scary, upsetting and cruel. Sure there are moments of happiness, but on the whole this thing is a struggle. And the fact that my blackness/transness makes it so much more of a struggle is so unjust! What else am I to do about it???”
So when we suggest to a human to change your story and your life experience will change, and we offer evidence from our life, our clients’ lives and our colleague’s life demonstrating the accuracy of what we say, we get the same response from transgender people that blacks get from white supremacists and transgender people get from transphobic people (and that gay people get from homophobic people): They can’t even fathom the possibility that what we’re suggesting will work.
Transgender people and the people who love them, particularly trans-attracted people of color, are here as powerful examples to the rest of humanity. Part of them being here is to live their wonderful, joyful and convincing example of the farthest, further-forward-est edge of what it is to be human.
But they also are here to demonstrate something to themselves. Like we were in our youth, many have temporarily forgotten to examine the beliefs in our backgrounds.
What’s great about this is the sweetness of the return to awareness is so directly proportionate with the amount time one is oblivious.
When we hear “social justice”, we think about the day when “the meek inherit the earth”: when those who appear to be oppressed realize they can at any moment turn the tide with but a thought, consistently applied. That’s what is happening underneath advances we are seeing in entertainment, business, politics and more. As more transgender people as individuals come into their own individual power, then decide to act from that, they change the entire world.
The same is true for ordinary individual black people.
And ordinary individual trans-attracted people.
The most powerful potential lies in transpeople of color. For they represent “both” “and”. What a powerful human combination.
Coming into the world for every human, was a decision you made in joy and eagerness. The world awaits the imprint you came to make upon it. We too are eager to see what you do as you explore who and what you are beyond what you think that to be.
There is no distinction between a spiritual practice and wantonly consuming material goods. Both produce the same result. Guaranteed.
So go ahead and consume all you want. Or live your life as an ascetic.
It doesn’t matter too much really.
And don’t worry about the planet. It is easily handling the demand. Though it seems like it’s not.
We know, science isn’t on our side.
That is, if we had a side, science wouldn’t be there. Not yet anyway.
Whether you’re determined to master meditation, go vegan, drive an electric car and recycle everything or generate enough wealth to buy an Airstream, a yacht, five houses and a G-5, you’re eventually going to come to the same realizations.
Everyone arrives at the same realizations after death.
Some, again, on both paths, get there before that.
Those who do are venerated. Bill Gates–Deepak Chopra. Leonardo DiCaprio–Eckhart Tolle….there are endless examples of the venerable on either path.
· · ·
Some say you can not be spiritual let alone experience higher consciousness while pursuing material satisfaction. These people sometimes see consumerism itself as possibly the worst invention of modern civilization, and the most conspicuous consumers, a scourge.
But when you consider where all this material stuff comes from, how it is produced and why, you discover something interesting: the pursuit of material satisfaction is just as powerful a path to “enlightenment” as any spiritual one.
That’s because, all things material, including the pursuit itself, is a spiritual process.
Where do things come from?
Every invention starts with inspiration. Whether it’s Facebook, Medium, A Tesla, or BlackKKlansman, creation starts with an idea. Where do ideas come from?
Science will tell you they come from associative processes in the brain which constantly fire in the background of conscious awareness. But there are many steps prior to that process that happen that science doesn’t know about.
These steps take place nowhere “near” the brain. Let alone in the brain.
For example, we recently were designated a Medium Top Writer in the Racism tag. We had no idea there was even such a thing as a “Top Writer”.
One day three weeks ago, we got the impulse (a strong urge) to share our work on Medium. We had been sporadically doing so, but two weeks ago, that strong desire turned into a process where we gradually attained a three-story-a-day publishing regimen.
There was no problem in our mind needing a creative solution. We didn’t even think about how to attain Top Writer status, let along in the Racism tag. We simply started including Medium as a publishing outlet of our work, enjoying the artistic process along the way.
We know the coordination of events in the physical world which had this result show up in our life experience occurred in a “place” we call The Moment Of Becoming. That place doesn’t exist anywhere in physical reality, and is certainly outside the brain. Rather it is a conduit through which material reality emerges.
This is why we practice being more immediately responsive to our intuitions. We have seen so much evidence that intuition is not a random, unreliable source of knowledge, but a highly accurate, intelligent and reliable guide to getting everything we want.
Even things we don’t realize we’re wanting. Until we have them. Such as this Top Writer thing.
The inspiration to increase our publishing on Medium came from somewhere.
Where did it come from? From that no place we call The Moment Of Becoming.
It is the same place a desire for a car, or a bigger house or a better job comes from: an innate process all humans have and use as expressions of aware-ized life experience.
Aware-ized life experience, which is what you are, desires more of everything. As those desires are satisfied, satisfaction births new desires propelling aware-ized life experience “forward”….along the lines of specific desire focuses, or “channels” or, as Seth calls them: Value Fulfillment.
Inspiration is individual guidance from the larger part of who we all are. It indicates paths through which Value Fulfillment can ultimately be experienced, in a given moment of the collocation of time, space, events and participating expressions of aware-ized life experience.
· · ·
A person is born with a natural desire to create. She seemingly fumbles around for a bit in life until she gets her footing and tunes into her intuition –– her innate impulses “sounding” from “non physical” and received in The Moment Of Becoming.
All during the fumbling she is creating, but indeliberately. Indeliberate creation is valuable too. So it’s not wasted energy. No more than the millions of seeds a tree produces, only a very few of which actually become trees.
Intuitive inspiration doesn’t just come out of nowhere, it results from a long series of deliberate and focused attention resulting in a momentum of accretion around a value fulfilment unique and inherent to the individual intuition receiver.
At some point our intrepid human follows that inspiration. It doesn’t matter when, because, like all of us, she is eternal. As she gives more and more attention to the inspired idea, resources in the form of people, money, opportunities and events accrete around her.
This process is sometimes delayed by a person who is not naturally attuned to what is going on. A person might try to use the world of “doing” or “action”, manipulating matter, people and events, in order to fulfill intention. Those naturally attuned to this process we’re describing, use far less action, are much more effective and enjoy the journey far more than those who aren’t.
Some time later our individual has a product or service or some kind of value or usefulness to offer. The gestation is perfectly culminated to coincide with the desire for said product or service. Or….due to one or many factors, there is a delay prior to the co-incidence of events wherein eager consumers are ready to consume said value.
This delay humans like to call “failure”.
Which is a misnomer, because there really is no such thing. Just like seeds that don’t grow into trees aren’t “failures”.
In the former instance, where everything comes together easily, consumers consume said invention and life moves on. In the latter, an infinite number of alternative events can result, depending on how the maker reacts to the gap between desire expression (wanting to create value for others) and actual desire realization (having someone consume said offer).
Both parties – consumers and producers – are collaborators in this process. Inventors invent based on input from those who want the invention. That communication happens in non-physical, then is “seeded” to many potential “inventors” simultaneously, which explains why multiple inventors will have the same idea at the same time.
It also explains why patent law is a joke.
But that’s another story.
Collaboration includes aware-ized life experience expressed in the physical world as the material resources used to make the product or service. All matter is representative and contains within it aware-ized energy. Everything is alive, in other words.
The satisfaction gained by all parties in the consumption of the thing –– from the smallest particle to the largest instantiation…a planet perhaps –– and the value produced is the “more” that was only “potential” when the seed of inspiration got planted.
Thus, with the blooming of invention leading to the delight of consumption, the universe, All That Is and all participating parties become more.
In an ideal world, humanity would work its wonders to create more and more efficient and useful (i.e. valuable) ideas which increase the capacity and efficiency of its productive capability as well as the productive enjoyment of humanity’s physical environment, with no resource exhaustion.
Expanding desire would cause resource expansion and both would keep pace with each other in an ongoing expansion of everything.
We see this happening despite obvious signs to the contrary.
But the timing of “desire” and “fulfilment” is wonky because humans pay too much attention to What Is Happening, lose connection with their invincibility, experience fear and insecurity and act from those places.
This connection loss opens a can of worms too complex to go into here. Suffice it to say, we see the world today, where “waste”, seeming resource depletion and environmental destruction are the order of the day instead of what we’re describing.
And yet, underneath all this is what we’re describing: everything working wonderfully in an elegant and consistent orientation towards more and better for everyone and everything.
The problems humanity faces are due to many factors, one of which being the belief that goes something like this:
“Everything has a cost and if you can’t tell me how to pay for it, I’m not going to support it. And if I have to pay for it and I don’t agree it should be done, forget about it, particularly if it benefits others, or makes them lazy. People should work for what they get.”
Desire causes opportunity for desire satisfaction, leading to desire fulfillment, then more desire and thus more “more”. Beliefs like the above just slow things down greatly delaying the process and leaving those who could enjoy satisfaction not enjoying it.
Until after the death moment.
Aware-ized life experience has an insatiable desire for more. It will always desire to experience more of itself. This positive feedback loop –– the desire to have more experiences is partially responsible for you (being an instance of aware-ized life experience) being eternal: it’s just not possible for you to come to an end because you are constantly creating more life experience through experiencing your life experience.
How Consumption Equals Enlightenment.
As we said above, some achieve great prosperity allowing a level of material freedom that affords freedom of time and resource abundance. Sometimes in this state, a person begins to look inward or outward, or both. They want to do good. And they want to be able point to the good and say “see, that’s because of me”.
So they “try” to become more than they perceive themselves to be.
That is the same outcome some “spiritual” people can also arrive at. For every single spiritual guru we can think of has turned to do exactly what some very wealthy people do. They just do it in ways consistent with the path they are on.
Some spiritual “finders” tend to also become wealthy. Particularly those in the west. In those cases we see them trod both paths: spiritual and material, blessing the world and people as they go along.
But no matter the path, those who make it while still in a body is small. In fact, there are a lot more who don’t make it than those who do.
The following is going to get heady….
What Is Happening and How The What Is Happening Is Happening
People get stuck in another feedback loop, where they don’t understand the “How The What Is Happening” part of What Is Happening. Thus they get lost in the happening, instead of understanding the How The What Is Happening Is Happening.
Lost there, they see the world as random, uncaring dangerous and risky. Their only recourse is to try to take charge of the What Is Happening part. They are oblivious to the How The What Is Happening Is Happening part, even though the “How….” part is the funnest, most enjoyable part of the whole process making up the “What…”.
Thus the challenges in the world.
Racism, sexism, Trump and his supporters, the alt right and the alt-left, Russia and the US, wars, poverty, disease, etc. All sides of any “issue” are oblivious to How What Is Happening Is Happening. Instead they are dazzled by What Is Happening.
So they take sides.
In their dazzlement, they stumble through life fighting against What Is Happening, where they have no power instead of focusing on the “How…” part, where all their power is.
Thus, they suffer.
With the right guidance a person can easily navigate their awareness from the What Is Happening, back to the How What Is Happening Is Happening, regain their power (and their invincibility) and therefore be a Conscious Creator Of Reality.
That understanding, and the deliberate creations which results from that, is enlightenment.
Few are doing that right now, but oh, boy how times are a changing!
· · ·
There is no difference between living “spiritually” and living immersed in a consumer lifestyle. Both create experiences which can but usually do not produce lasting fulfillment and unshakable happiness. Not until after death.
Which is why, when it does happen, we venerate such people for their rarity.
The ultimate path of humanity is to become a vast collection of super human individuals in a vast civilization of super humans. We’re speaking both materially and spiritually since they’re one in the same.
We’re a long way from that. But we’re happy with a civilization of ordinary humans, punctuated every now and then by individuals who are super human.
The venerable position of “invincible super human” is available to everyone. Both paths can lead there.
Everyone gets there eventually.
So don’t sweat it. Consumer or Ascetic. You’re on the right path. And eventually, you’ll arrive.
Humanity will find itself in a brand new world the moment it realizes competition is not a thing. And oh what a beautiful world it will be.
That new world is not going to happen in a flash of enlightenment.
It’s going to happen the way it’s happening now: a gradual collective realization over generations as more and more individuals realize who and what they are, then come into the world in their successive life experiences consistently living from that place.
“Who they are”
You are not human. Human is a form adopted in order to experience physical reality. The human form, with its fleshy-bony countenance, is as tied to physical reality as reality itself.
Which is why remains following your after death.
This doesn’t only apply to humans. All physical matter experiences this.
We are all eternal, unlimited and rambunctious expressions of All That Is, that wonderfully complex origin from which we all came from long, long ago. All That Is does not lord over us like gods. We have no need to appease it with any kind of sacrifice or surrender. We are it. There is no separation. That’s who we are. That’s who you are. Not human.
“What they are”
This is far more interesting than “who”. Humans believe they are the only sentient species on the planet. Save for maybe dogs and dolphins and monkeys. But there is far more sentient awareness than that.
Every form of physical matter, from the smallest particle to the largest object, hums with awareness. Life experience itself, is itself, aware and alive. And each physical instance existing within life experience is itself an aware and alive whole and complete instance of life experience. There is no separation here either. This is what you are.
Call it “aware-ized life experience”.
If the answers above to both these questions are accurate, and if there is no separation within and among anything (because everything is encompassed in the two answers above), then how can there be competition?
Competition with who? With what?
We know it does.
There are thousands of ways of describing the process that always has been aware and is now experiencing itself as innumerable whole and complete instances of itself.
These innumerable instances, again, whole and complete in themselves, exist simultaneously and, more importantly, cooperatively in a boundless positive feedback gestalt that always becomes bigger, better, more.
And it never ends.
Somewhere way back there, human instantiations of aware-ized life experience adopted beliefs that are far off the mark. Those beliefs spawned even more distortions.
Today we’re living their legacies.
“Competition” is one of these. But there are so many more such beliefs. And when you tug on one, you discover its intricate connection to others. It’s like a Gordian Knott: bewildering to contemplate unraveling.
Belief in competition produces high levels of insecurity, instability, fear and pronounced feelings of lack of self efficacy. It’s everywhere in modern society.
Nowhere is it better expressed in the United States than in the White House.
The world you experience reflects back to you that which you yourself are ready to see.
Sometimes, though, the signs have to get more overt before “seeing” happens.
Either way, you eventually get it.
Then life shifts.
We’re at one of those moments right now. And as terrible as it may feel “on all sides”, the result of all this churn is going to amaze.
Not everyone will see it.
Not everyone needs to.
Those who do will find themselves in a whole new world.
Value is something you can’t help but give. Have you noticed?
No matter what you’re doing, you’re offering value to some one or some thing. It’s part of what you come into the world naturally doing.
But happiness…that’s another story.
Perhaps your happiness is fleeting. Perhaps happiness to you is as capricious, and as impermanent, as any other emotion. So trying to think of it as something you can perpetually enjoy, as a steady life state, seems stupid to expect.
Especially when there is so much to witness that isn’t happy to look at. No wonder you shift your desire to usefulness or value over being happy.
But you come into the world to enjoy the adventure of being of value. And the enjoyment, i.e. the “happy factor” was supposed to be something akin to your body: just as your body has grown and become more as you have become older, so to was your level of happiness supposed to become more and more.
Likely that’s not the case, is it.
· · ·
People ask: “How can we be happy with all the suffering going on in the world?”
The rub in that question is, until you figure out how to be perpetually happy, you can’t understand the answer to the question you’re asking.
You become happy first. Then you discover the suffering you see isn’t what you think it is.
To understand the perpetual nature of happiness requires understanding something else that is the subject of great debate: your inherent free will.
Your free will is the nexus between value, your life experience and your happiness. Here’s how:
You cannot help but create value for self and others because this whole thing called life experience is a massive collaboration the purpose of which is eternal expansion predisposed towards “better”. And that’s what you inherently are: life experience getting better.
You can not help but exist here because that was (and continues to be) your intent. Otherwise, you wouldn’t be here. No one else is forcing you into your body, making sure you stay in your body, on earth, against your will. You’re doing it. And you’re doing it because you want to be here.
Your life is supposed to be an ongoing series of happy experiences that get better and better. Then you return to where you came, where most of you still is now, reveling in an indescribable bliss. This kind of life is possible when you’re chronically happy.
We call it living “happily ever after.” You are meant to live that.
So, why is it so many don’t? It’s simple really.
They have forgotten how. As a result, they’re literally “doing” it wrong.
Maybe you are too.
Let’s fix that.
How to be happy
Happiness is not the result of doing. It is a result of being.
In other words, it’s a “being state”.
You become happy by being happy.
“That sounds like a circular argument Perry. What do you mean?”
First, let’s clear up some misconceptions.
Pursing happiness through consumption or acts, is bound to disappoint because the result you’re looking for from the act your taking isn’t meant to be permanent. It’s meant to make you want more.
Which it does.
That’s why the good-feeling from doing is fleeting.
When you figure out how to be happy as a being state, not through doing things, then actions you take from that being state are the way you express your happiness, not how you achieve happiness.
In other words, your doing is an expression of your happy state, not a means to the end of being happy.
To create happiness you first have to understand what happiness is.
Happiness is an emotion. Yeah, you know that.
But, what is the role of an emotion? Have you thought about that? In all the conversations we have about this, no one (so far) has thought thoroughly about what emotions are for. Or come to the right answer.
They just accept their existence.
Armed with emotions’ purpose, you can then distinguish being happy from not being happy. This is the calibration step. You calibrate your awareness to recognize when you’re happy.
Next, you train yourself to experience happiness using your calibration as a guide.
Then and only then can you tell when you’re not happy and thus return to the state of happiness at will. Once you’ve practiced that distinction, you’re now ready for the next, and most important, step.
Here is where 99.9 percent of people fail:
You have to stay in a happy state consistently enough that you create “happiness momentum”. As we’ve described above, this happiness results from nothing other than your say-so.
Here’s why this is important.
Once you have created our own happiness momentum, then you’ve got it all. Because a consistent, perpetually happy state is the open door through which all you want comes to you with very little effort.
There’s a host of other things you have to know in order to get this state to the point of perpetual momentum. For one, you must learn to recognize the signs indicating it’s working.
What do we mean by that?
The world around you is your subjective life experience. Your life experience is composed of a series of accretion events – seemingly random compositions of people, circumstances and objects coming together in a certain timing.
These accretion events are a process guided by your attention. Your emotions play a significant role in this attention-guidance.
In the happy state, you are deliberately guiding your life experience as it emerges around you. You direct the assembly of events and people and elements and circumstances in a timing that is delightful.
When you’re not happy, you’re doing the opposite of that.
It’s that simple.
Nearly everyone on the planet can’t recognize this is how life works. They have been conditioned out of that ability, including the ability to use emotions like happiness the way they are supposed to be used.
And that’s why people try to “make” happiness happen through doing: buying things, going on trips, being with others, etc.
The pursuit of happiness doesn’t work because the pursuer is blind to the fact that she carries her happiness with her.
Happiness is not found in the physical world. That’s not what the physical world is for.
We know this seems preposterous pseudoscience. But a little test on your part can prove that it works 100% of the time. Like many things requiring mastery though, you need someone who can remind you how to use the process and see the signs of it working.
Make your life purpose happiness and you will live happily every after. We guarantee it.
Greater effort doesn’t mean faster (or better) results.
Higher-order refinement aka mastery, in any field, has more to do with what you don’t do than what you do.
Take martial arts for example. At the highest, most esoteric levels, ability comes through stripping away all effort, thereby allowing a soft, gentle…yes…childlike…approach.
In those rarefied skill levels, a perfectly placed step, outstretched hand or flexed knee are more devastating than a full-out punch or kick.
Such devastation isn’t possible unless you are trained not to resist the natural order of things. That training never involves hard work. It alwaysinvolves play.
Devastating ability is not a product of what the budoka is doing, it is a product of what she is not doing (thinking, trying to make something happen, resisting, anticipating). For in the absence of all that doing she is present to higher-order intelligence, that which has already decided the battle and orchestrates events, including her moves, toward that end.
The same is the case with all things. Life is recursive. Meaning: in every instance, large or small, you will find the same life lessons repeated over and over.
You don’t need a 15th degree black belt to develop then apply this mastery in your life. What you do need is a willingness to go against the grain of “common” wisdom.
You can lead a sheep to wisdom, but you can’t make it think
You’ve likely heard all this before. In the same way you have heard how to get fit, succeed in life, break a habit or form a new one.
We all have knowledge.
But a lot of us are still overweight, still struggling to find success (however you define that), chewing our nails, addicted to masturbation or porn or both, or wanting to go to bed every night before 11 p.m. but still ending up awake at 1 a.m.
Knowledge is useless unless it is applied in a framework capable of producing mastery. Being caught up in the way everyone else is doing it rarely leads to mastery or success. Instead, you end up with the rest of the sheep.
There’s something about yoga that keeps many Portlanders coming back for more.
Maybe it’s concentrated focus borne of asana mastery. Or maybe it’s realizing skills, confidence and strength built from years of practice. Or, perhaps it’s love for a particular instructor.
What keeps you coming back?
While yoga can be fulfilling, many Stumptowners lose what they’ve gained once they’ve left the yoga mat.
Common mortal hood waits just outside the studio, with daily stresses, anxieties, relationship drama, work “to dos”, personal insecurities….sheesh…enduring fulfillment can be as fleeting as a chocolate high.
Yoga was meant as a spiritual practice leading to higher consciousness states. How is it it rarely comes that? And when it does, it leaves us as soon as we return to daily life?
Is permanent, ongoing happiness attainable in modern society?
The answer is: yes.
And it’s available to everyone.
It doesn’t require any physical mastery, yoga or otherwise. It just depends on discovering what you’re made of, where you come from, and then living from that.
From there, seemingly miraculously, everything starts to work in life. Negativity disappears as does anxiety and fear.
Long-held and forgotten dreams and desires begin to be fulfilled too.
Happiness becomes the theme of the day, every day. Before you know it, life becomes what it is supposed to be: amazing.
Positively Focused clients, like Stefano, used to think happiness was a fleeting emotion, with no rhyme or reason why happiness came, or went. One moment it’s here, the next gone.
In fact, many Portlanders just like Stefano, never really experience even fleeting happiness.
Many deal with anxiety, depression, seasonal affective “disorder” and runaway substance consumption habits as they try to manufacture a facsimile of real happiness, contentment or distraction at the very least.
And can you blame them?
We have to deal with Portland winters after all. Hello?
What are emotions for anyway? And why are the good ones so fleeting?
At Positively Focused, we know happiness not an end state. It is just the beginning.
Human life holds the potential to deliver not only happiness, but a joy that has no ceiling. That increasing joy can be a continual moment-by-moment experience.
And, that joy can create a life experience where desire after desire is fulfilled. No desire is too small, or too big.
“You wanna die today?”
The other day we were enjoying this state, walking along the Max Station at Pioneer Courthouse Square. We were greeting those around us with our smile and our eyes. We were in joy, understanding that all that is is working in our favor. The next moment, we caught the eye of a young man.
“What you looking at faggot! You wanna die today?” He yelled at us.
“Do you?” we immediately replied.
“Yes!” he said, as he averted his eyes and hurried off.
A shocking exchange of to say the least!
Clearly, this young man, by the look of his dress and the anger in his voice, was struggling. We couldn’t tell whether his struggle was emotional, financial, relationship-related, substance-related or a combination of these.
What was clear: he craves fulfillment and happiness. We all do.
Yet that was not his life experience. Our reflecting his grief back to him, in the same intensity, but through theopposite emotion left him exposed. Not to us. To himself.
His attempt to destroy us with his words revealed him to himself. Faced with our in-the-moment happiness, our young man had no other choice but to speak truth: his life experience is so unfulfilling, he wanted to die.
This brief, intense encounter, showed us, as life always does when you’re positively focused, evidence of what’s possible for everyone: life mastery. A freedom and personal invincibility so profound you become impervious…even to violence.
Happiness and invincibility: everyone has access to such states. It is how life is supposed to be. Yoga is great. It’s as “Portland” as Blue Star Doughnuts.
Like doughnuts, though, it can’t compare to a life filled with lasting happiness, invincibility and a joy that becomes more and more day after day.
How to become invincibly happy
The key to lasting, invincible happiness is simply learning what you’ve forgotten, then practicing daily habits that restore your memory. You are surrounded by everything you need to cultivate these habits. The internet offers tons of information about them.
Like yoga, a daily practice is required. Picking out peacock from a list of asana pictures is one thing. Knowing how to do peacock is another. Actually doing it is yet another.
In the same way, cultivating daily habits leading to invincible happiness comes from daily practice. You may intellectually know the daily habits (you do). Maybe you even know how to do them. But results come from doing them. Regularly. Consistently.
The good news is, unlike learning peacock, lasting happiness doesn’t require learning something new. It only requires remembering what you forgot.
The bad news is it’s hard to know something you forgot. That’s why we offer assistance.
Back to the habits.
One of these habits, for example, is expressing appreciation. Super simple, right? That simplicity masks a bewilderingly powerful habit. Habitually acknowledging all the great things that make up your life, by itself, can do wonders.
Ever heard the phrase “the best place to hide something is in the open”?
Life is like that. We are surrounded with an unlimited number of things worthy of appreciation. Especially in Portland. Can you name a few? We think so.
And in the naming of just a few of those things, with the right mind set, you automatically get a glimpse of what being consistently happy can do for you. Whether you’re on, or off the yoga mat.
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