The power of being Positively Focused shows up most when feeling negative emotions. The following true story shows what to do when one feels such emotions.
I woke Sunday morning to powerful, clear dreams, but also felt negative emotion. It doesn’t matter what the emotions were about. What matters is what I did.
Here’s what I wrote in my journal in response to this realization. Doing something like this anytime negative emotion shows up makes a ton of difference:
Right this moment I am at the same time present to my powerful expanding self and my currently active beliefs.
I know the more I lean toward the first, not only do I create more of that, but the second soothes into its rightful place: subordinate to my dominant powerful desire. I appreciate therefore the combination, because in the combination I get to choose.
I get to choose leaning toward my desires
I get to choose focus, deliberate focus
I get to create a reality consistent with what I want
I know focusing feels really good as it does now
I know focusing on my desires is the gift the negative emotion brings
Therefore I appreciate the negative emotion
I know negative emotion was once positive belief
I can appreciate the negative emotion
I know the negative emotion is indicating beliefs I still hold are active
This is purposeful and good
I know those beliefs once served me
I can appreciate the negative emotion
I can appreciate the beliefs too
And as I sit here in my bed, first thing in the morning, I feel the power of my focus. I feel the shifting of the balance of my belief and desire.
I like what I’ve just done
It feels subtle but sure
I feel the shift from slight dominant negative focus to slight dominant positive focus
I appreciate that my positively focused practice allows me to recognize the subtle distinction
For now I can shift my entire reality experience toward more and better
This feels really good
This feels like positive emotion
“I’m feeling happier”
But that statement still contains a little bit of negative emotion
My happiness is relative to my previous negative feelings
“I feel happy”, feels better
It is focused specifically in the now, with no relation to the past
This is the work and I love it
My happiness now has turned to appreciation
Now my appreciation has turned into eagerness and passion
I love feeling eagerness and passion
Now my eagerness and passion has turned to love
I love feeling love.
So in this process I just went through, I received inspiration from previous awarenesses, which allowed me to know that the combination of negative belief and positive expectation will always be. For the combination allows an eternal being ensconced in the body, which is what I am, to choose.
To choose what? To choose what’s next.
So much happened in the last four minutes doing this practice. I love how much better I feel now just by speaking these words
I love how good I’m feeling
It feels really really good
It feels like joy
It feels like self transformation
If feels like fun
It feels like self love
I know the more I do this, the better my life gets. I also know the better my life gets, the better it can get, for there is no upper limit on how good things can be.
I feel so much better. I feel positively focused. I’ve literally changed my reality. I feel in love with life and in love with myself.
The power of being Positively Focused is undeniable. That’s why all my clients are in various stages of seeing evidence of their lives getting better and better, and more fun.
Here, a client fulfills a long-held desire: a wonderful experience with her daughter, the wonder of which even her daughter acknowledged. That acknowledgment surprised and delighted my client.
A mother re-creates her relationship with her daughter through being Positively Focused.
Not only that, but her grandchildren too got in on the act. They said “We wish you could stay with us all the time.”
How dear. 🥲
After months of struggle with her daughter, the client realizes the struggle is unnecessary. When she does, the struggle disappears. Where did the struggle come from? Where did it go?
It wasn’t always this way
Beliefs create reality. It’s undeniable. Not knowing this, people look out into physical reality, seeing their created reality as something objective, separate from them. They then draw conclusions about what they see.
These conclusions we call “thoughts”. Thought enough times, those thoughts become beliefs. In time, beliefs create realities consistent with them, then fade into the background. Beliefs are forgotten, yet they still exist in physical form, before our eyes as our personal, subjective reality. It’s the only reality a person has access to.
Everyone adopts beliefs from childhood onward. They do this while not knowing such beliefs create realities consistent with them. Before they realize it, a trajectory gets created where beliefs create realities continuously.
My client had entire belief constellations about her daughter formed in exactly this way. The constellation included beliefs adopted from her childhood, her experiences with her grandparents and parents, beliefs that created a version of her daughter consistent with them.
In only nine sessions this client transformed her relationship with her daughter. The struggle? Replaced with joy. You can see her happiness in her face, hear it in her tone and in her words. She ends the video with a statement that gets to the meat of the matter.
You create your reality. Learning how, then deliberately using that process makes everything possible. Including new relationships transformed from the toughest family situations.
Addendum: When I showed the clip and asked permission to use it from the client, she said: “Almost made me cry. You have my permission to use this. I hope someone might gain insight from my experience.”
This is a positively focused series called “journal entries” for when I experience something I write about in my journal I think others might benefit from reading. This is a continuation of that series.
From my journal – Monday, January 25, 2021
Waking this morning to the cacophony that is my being. The more I focus into all that I am, I discover so much more of what I am. I know this will never end. Sometimes I feel limited in my ability to accept my reality.
It’s just so much happening, all now, at the same time.
But then things happen, things like this morning, things like what happened in my dreams last night, things that just work out, and things that I have experience that allow my consciousness to stretch forward toward exactly what I think is limited. And in that stretch forward the limits fall; I find myself in a new perspective with an even broader view than before.
I’m finding comfort in the combination of that which will always be: simultaneous awareness of positive awareness, indicating satisfaction and joy in the now, and a reaching for more of what humans called “negative emotion”.
When examined, that phenomenon “negative emotion”, feels more like stress, or tension, a combination of two realities that when combined propel me into the more. So that feeling is a good thing, not a “negative” one at all.
I can tell the more I see this combination this way, the easier it is to break through or move through limits thereby allowing broader perspective and the increased momentum of feeling desires.
This is the process of deliberate creation and life mastery. I’m wanting to master life mastery. I know I am on the way to doing so, because all desires are done deals. My job is lining up with the fulfilled desire by enjoying the process of allowing the fulfilled desire into my awareness.
That’s real-ization.
It’s subtle, yet a distinct and important differentiator.
Being Positively Focused is a lot like being a Jedi in real life. I create my ideal versions of other people who then give me what I want when they realize what I want is what they want.
Nutshelling it: When I work through my Broader Perspective, my Inner Being talks to their Inner Being so that what I want occurs to them as what they want too.
A true story showing how this works.
I live in a house I share with three others. When I first moved in, the other three people were quiet and kept to themselves. The landlord showed me my space, “the basement suite” they called it.
Of course, it was perfect. It represented a fulfilled desire coming in perfect timing, as I wanted a new, quiet living space after my ex and I split.
Over several months these original three housemates moved out. Three new people replaced them. People I didn’t enjoy as housemates.
The first was a party boy. He enjoyed drinking, playing loud music and having people over for loud conversations.
The next person was an “adult child”. He had family of origin issues that showed up as screaming at the top of his lungs for no reason, using other people’s property without asking, getting offended at the slightest provocation and not cleaning up after himself. Oh, he also peed in the backyard!
The third person was even worse. He was an Adult Child of Alcoholics, muttered to himself and didn’t respect the landlord’s established norms for living there.
His replacement oddly enough, expected others to clean up behind him. He left things all over the house, let his food get moldy in the fridge, and would leave dishes and utensils on the front porch instead of taking them to the kitchen and washing them.
What’s interesting was each of these people reflected a dimension of my ex. While living with her I developed strong co-creative momentum with her. So strong a momentum, housemates who moved in after I did reflected that momentum. In other words, my Moment of Becoming and momentum brought housemates after me matching experiences I had with my ex.
My ex is from a family of alcoholics. Slight provocations triggered her too. She enjoyed playing her music loud while ignoring other people’s interests. Occasionally she cleaned up behind herself, but often would leave things right where she had them last. I tried a lot of things to change her (not a good idea at all I realize now). All my attempts made things worse.
I’m happier no longer there.
Obviously though my Belief Constellation still included thoughts about her. I know this because each house mate brought experiences and behaviors matching my ex, or rather matching beliefs I still had active about my ex. Were my experiences with my ex less active in my Belief Constellation, different people would show up. These new housemates were not random coincidence.
I know everything in my reality reflects back to me Belief Constellation content. That’s helpful knowing because I can do something with that knowledge. Not knowing what I know, life seems random and separate. It never is though. My thoughts and my reality always match.
So every housemate served me: Each showed me I still had beliefs worth changing. In changing them, I could get a better reality.
Before that though…
At first, I let myself get annoyed about my new housemates’ behaviors. I know emotional reactions are never about what’s happening in my physical reality, they’re always only about my connection with my Inner Being and that is all.
Saying “each new housemate was annoying” or “my new housemates made me annoyed” are complete, inaccurate distortions.
I also know what to do when I feel annoyance. I didn’t do that at first though.
At first I tried coaxing different behaviors out of them. I tried asking the slob to clean up after himself, which, of course, he refused. I asked the ACA dude to stick to the house norms. He told me to fuck off. I asked the party guy to be more quiet. He complained about me to the other housemates, which exacerbated my relationships with them. I asked the backyard pee-er to stop doing a lot of stuff. He got better, but still did things I didn’t like. The other housemates didn’t like it either.
Since direct action didn’t work, and my frustration was getting unbearable, I did the only thing under my control. I changed what I paid attention to, I let go, I surrendered.
It was a radical choice, an interesting sociological experiment. The only recent experience I had creating new people from existing people was with my ex. But that was indeliberate creation. Now, life presented me a huge learning opportunity: Learn to create people you want in life experience deliberately, it said.
So that’s what I did.
Surrender isn’t giving up. It’s realizing where power exists. Real effortless power comes through allowing Universe to bring me what I want instead of trying to make it happen myself.
People always reflect back to me what I believe. I’m creating them for my benefit. I know whatever thoughts I’m thinking that I’m ignoring for some reason will come clear through how people both show up and how they treat me. My expansion never ends, so learning opportunities never end either.
Life is best when I follow the inner knowing of my Broader Perspective. When doing that I realize people always reflect back to me my beliefs. (See the full illustrated post here).
So people in my life experience all are helpers, giving me feedback, as does everything else in my physical reality. This feedback tells me “Universe will bring me what I want when I let it.”
I let it through being Positively Focused.
I am feedback for others as well. With many years Positively Focused practice, I feel the pull of other people’s focus. Feeling that pull, sometimes it’s hard maintaining my own focus. I end up being someone less than I want to be. But I know when that happens, I’m matching that other person’s reality, and doing so, give them what they’re wanting to know, even if they don’t know that.
These days it’s easier being authentic, loving me while feeling others’ pulls. My Positively Focused practice has perpetual momentum now. Most of the time these days, I set the tone of an interaction. People shape to my pull instead of me shaping to theirs.
Not so when I was with my ex. Back then, when out in the world, I found it easy staying positive and excited about life. But then I’d come home and almost instantly feel my mood shift when I re-entered the persistent negative atmosphere she and I co-created.
I benefitted a ton from that marriage. She did too. For me, marriage helped me prioritize my Inner Being relationship. As a result, I’m living even more of a Charmed Life than I lived before.
I love how all relationships have that potential: they can amplify one’s focus on the one place unconditional love comes from: the relationship between one’s self and one’s Inner Being.
Things got interesting
So instead of trying to cajole my housemates into compliance, instead of trying to get them to stop doing what I didn’t like. I did what I show my clients: I focused instead on what I wanted. Then I let my Personal Trinity coordinate a new reality. One which included versions of my housemates that matched what I wanted.
What I wanted was a calm, quiet, peaceful place where people subordinated their behavior to the goals of a mutually beneficial, peaceful living space.
I knew, and know even more today, that through my Inner Being relationship, I can be, do and have anything I want. I knew I already created probable versions of my housemates, versions matching what I want. I knew my Inner Being held for me a living situation filled with such housemates.
My job: tune myself to that probable reality alive in my Belief Constellation, so it would emerge through my Moment of Becoming in to my physical reality.
Here’s what I did.
First I clarified in my mind what I wanted. I knew it was there in my belief constellation. I just had more momentum behind what I didn’t want (experiences similar to living with my ex) as a result of still thinking about my ex.
I thought thoughts about what it would look like living in my ideal living situation.
I thought about how my ideal housemates moved through the house and…
I thought about and focused on how peaceful, harmonious and quiet it was in my minds-eye version of my living situation.
By envisioning these, I knew I cued up that probable reality matching my ideal, my Charmed Life. But I needed something more. Something critical.
Early in Positively Focused practice, the practitioner strengthens their perceptive skills through feeling emotion. People feel emotions easier than vibration. Emotions let me know what vibration I’m tuned to. Vibration is early-stage manifestation. I needed to tune my vibration via my thoughts to my desired reality.
So while thinking about my ideal living situation, I focused more and more on how that situation felt. Then I amped up those feelings by focusing on them and riffing on emotions in the same vicinity:
It feels nice living in this ideal situation
It feels peaceful living here
It feels like harmony
It feels like peace
It feels satisfying
It feels like home
It feels joyful
It feels right
It feels good…
Next, I completely ignored what my current housemates did. When Slob left his dishes in the living room, or on the porch outside, I ignored it. When Family-of-origin peed in the backyard, or screamed “FUCK!” in the middle of the day, I ignored that too.
Then I took it up a notch. I ignored my housemates. Whenever they were in the common areas – the living room, the kitchen – I stayed in my room. If I was in the kitchen and one came in, I made sure I had my headphones in and listened to a podcast or music.
Then I amped it up further. This is a bit hard to explain. I lived in the house as though my ideal housemates already lived with me. I felt how good that felt. I reveled in their presence. I focused on how great the place would feel with them with me.
How I create other people in five easy steps.
Then awesome happened
The fist thing that happened was ACA moved out. Unbeknowst to me, he contacted the landlord saying he needed to move out ASAP. He said his counselor said living alone would be a better living situation for him.
Next, Slob and Family of Origin started getting on each others’ nerves. Family of Origin started enjoying the house being clean and tidy. He also improved around cleaning up after himself.
Problem (for him) was, Slob’s living habits started getting on his nerves. So Family of Origin pointed out more often things Slob was doing. Exasperated, Slob started looking for someplace else to live. In a month, he was gone!
Perhaps you’ve seen my pictures on my website, so you know I’m brown-skinned. All my housemates up to this point were of the dominant culture. So you can imagine my surprise when my landlord introduced me to ACA’s replacement, another person of color. Let’s call him Andre.
Not surprisingly, Andre told me and the landlord he was looking for a cleaner, quieter and more peaceful living situation, which was NOT where he lived before. He said he liked keeping to himself and was super-respectful. Having toured the house, he already recommended ideas on improving the living situation.
After he moved in, the whole character of the living situation changed. Andre shared a bathroom with Family of Origin and right away Andre put his foot down about how Family of Origin left hair all over the bathroom and hardly cleaned up after himself (I have my own bathroom).
Next the landlord introduced me, Family of Origin and Andre to Slob’s replacement, another person of color and a college student I’ll call Lorenzo. Like Andre, he expressed living in a respectful, quiet place because he’s studying full time from home. Lorenzo and Andre’s energy both transformed the house’s culture. Family of Origin mentioned feeling uncomfortable living with three people of color, this being the first time that ever happened.
Not long after Lorenzo moved in, I heard him and Family of Origin having a slightly tense conversation about race. I went upstairs to see what was up. They were discussing whether a person of color could be racist. It was an interesting conversation I joined with eagerness. It went well, but I could tell Family of Origin was struggling with his “white fragility”.
Within two months, Family of Origin moved out too. His replacement: a kind, peaceful, hard working woman I’ll call Cindy. Cindy and I hit it off right away. Today, we share meals, watch movies together and talk eagerly about our passions. She’s a great fit. So is Lorenzo and Andre too!
Lorenzo and Andre moved out, but two new housemates I’ll call Jeff and Tomiko moved in behind them. They both are wonderful, peaceful, respectful and quiet people. And one of them is transgender which hits close to home.
Epilogue:
What happened here?
Several things unfolded in perfect universal coordination. One, I realized how my current, unwanted reality clarified beliefs in my Belief Constellation I wanted cleaned up.
Next, I surrendered to the unwanted by accepting rather than pushing against those things.
Then I ignored all those things, including the people creating them. Instead of giving what I wanted changed attention, I put attention on future realities containing what I wanted.
Doing all this, I tuned myself so that my now gradually matched my desires. On the way to that, my Inner Being coordinated with Inner Being’s of my old housemates. Through that coordination their Inner Being’s gave them impulses they felt were right for them. They came to their conclusions that served them. Conclusions that served me too.
My Inner Being simultaneously coordinated with people who matched what I wanted, people whose desires matched what I wanted too, and inspired them to me. The result: new people in my living situation matched with my desire and thus, an ideal living space.
Creating people consistent with one’s desires is fairly advanced, but possible for everyone. Cultivating Positively Focused momentum makes available nonphysical connections we share with others. Those connections exist for our use. When Positively Focused, that use ultimately matches me with people consistent with and in agreement with what I want.
It feels like mind control, but it’s not. I feel like a Jedi, but that’s at best, a fable. What’s really happening is I’m drawing to me people wanting what I want, for their own personal reasons that match my own. I call that co-creation between people. It’s so fun!
“If you depend on the behavior of another to be a certain way in order for you to feel good, you are on very shaky ground with regard to feeling good. For you cannot control how others be. But you can control what you think. And in controlling what you think, by focusing on thoughts that feel good, you discover people’s behaviors occur in such ways that feel good to you. And so you control other people‘s behavior, not by trying to control them, but by controlling your thoughts about them.”
I like turning already good days, into better days. I do that, not by trying to “make” my days better, but by removing resistance I create about how great my days already are. When I do that, being positively focused, my days get even better.
What do I mean by “removing resistance I create”?
Every day, these days, I simultaneously feel pulled in many potentially enjoyable directions. For example, this morning, a new client sent a wonderful text, detailing an experience she had after our session two days ago. I’m inspired to respond with additional insights. The idea of doing that so feels so good!
But…
Another inspiration has me sharing information contained within this blog post with the men and women working with me on Copiosis.
This blog post began as an Instant Message I was writing to my team. I was answering a question they had about how I find so much joy in day-to-day living.
Sharing this blog post, in its original form as an IM felt equally as good as responding to my client. Both opportunities vied for my attention. But that’s not all…
Another impulse encouraged making video social media thumbnails for videos about Copiosis my team has sitting in our cue. I love doing that creative work. It’s fun and satisfying seeing the results. Results like this:
An example of a video thumbnail. Curious about how and why babies should be paid the moment they’re born? Watch the 2 minute video.
Yet other impulses encourage hopping on Twitter and promoting Copiosis, working on the volunteer strategic project my team and I are creating or working on a Positively Focused illustration panel.
Then there’s the joy I feel in the idea “go upstairs and make something to eat”, and “check in with your client, see how he’s doing”. There’s even an impulse to watch something on Netflix!
There’s probably 20 or so impulses, all feeling wonderful, that I COULD do RIGHT NOW.
An example of one of my artistic panels I’m enjoying making.
Finding ease in the abundance
It’s easy to get into a seemingly positive loop of “what to do?”… that leads to feeling “overwhelm”, which stems from thinking “I don’t have enough time to do all these things”.
Overwhelm can lead to other thoughts and feelings, thoughts of lack or time scarcity, feeling impatience, even feeling dissatisfaction with what I’m doing NOW, which was, at the time, writing the IM I eventually shared with my team.
Here’s the thing though:
The many things available back then, which still exist now as opportunities as I edit this blog version of the IM, represented a form of abundance. I call it “opportunity abundance.”
But this abundance doesn’t feel like abundance when I think thoughts like “I don’t have time to do all these things.” Instead, this abundance feels like lack, like too many things to do…this abundance, rather than feeling like abundance can cause me to feel self-pity…if I let it go that far.
That can spiral into a lack of appreciation of the abundance. And that lack of appreciation can effect other areas I really want to experience abundance in, such as the area of finances.
After all, I know the best path to realizing financial abundance that already exists in my reality is appreciating all other forms of abundance that aren’t financial abundance.
Having a ton of things I COULD do, all of which thrill me to think about, IS ABUNDANCE. So rather than going down the path of negative thinking…
I get Positively Focused
I monitor my thoughts, right now, and practice accepting where I am, NOW and enjoying what I’m doing, NOW. I do this while realizing those other things I also want to do aren’t going anywhere.
And if I’m successful, which I usually am, I find myself in JOY, NOW. I don’t find myself in a Fear Of Missing Out (FOMO) belief about these other things I could be doing and therefore resenting or feeling impatient about, what I am doing now.
Does make sense?
Finding the Positively Focused space, not only do I realize plenty of time to enjoy all these things, I realize too a state of lightness, a lighter way of being. Standing there, life gets really good.
Because not only am I enjoying my now, in this day, the rest of this day and future days, get better too as there are more things to do than I can possibly do in a today. Which means, there are plenty of fulfilling, fun things to do tomorrow and the next day and the next.
That’s life mastery. It’s also how I make my days even better, happier days.
My beliefs create my reality, so I think only better-feeling thoughts.
I feel myself asking for more. Even in dreams that feeling’s there. It feels so good feeling that. I love how good knowing that feels. Yes, it means my life experience fills with more and more fulfilled desire, but what I focus more on these days is how much better it feels to feel increasingly better-feeling.
No matter where I am, that’s where I am. I make the best of it. Resisting it just creates more to resist. This Christmas, like every day, I resolve to be more in love with people, more in love with life, and most of all, more in love with me.
I know what I want, when I get it, makes me happy. I also know when I’m happy I set up more future happy moments.
But since every time I get what I want, I am happy, I can just be happy, even when I’m not getting what I want.
I can be happy now, no matter what is happening.
This is the basis of our work at Positively Focused. I know when I put my happiness first, by telling stories about my life that make me happy, I put myself on a path to living a happy life. That’s because a happy life looks like feeling happy in every moment.
What happens in my life, when I’m not deliberate about choosing happiness, determines how I feel. But life doesn’t have to be that way. I can turn it around. I can choose to be happy, no matter what I’m experiencing, then experience good things always.
I know when I do that my life fills with happy experiences. I know this because I’ve tried it and it has always worked out that way. I also know this because my Positively Focused clients get exactly the same results.
It’s a bit more complicated than that, but in a short while, I’ve created a life filled with happy experiences. So have my clients.
So this holiday season, I appreciate what I’ve realized: That life is happy when I am happy. And the happier I am, the more my life shapes to my happiness. In my happiness, I don’t need my life to change. But because I’m not focused on my life needing to change, because I’m not telling stories about how bad my life is, my life changes.
It’s a paradox, but it’s true.
I’m grateful for what I’ve discovered. And I’m loving seeing people who have come to me seeking relief from anxiety, insecurities, shame and other life problems, find relief and more, simply by telling better stories.
I appreciate knowing life is supposed to be fun, joyful and filled with fulfilled desires. I appreciating having such a life. And I appreciate sharing what I know with others, then seeing their life turn out that way too.
