I enjoy seeing little things happening in my life. These little jewels along my journey are how I know big things are happening too.
Big things like seeing my creations appreciated by many. Or getting notes from people saying my expression benefits them.
I know a happy life comprises many happy-life moments. But happy moments don’t make me happy. I get happy first. Then happy moments happen.
Yesterday a little thing happened. It would have amazed me had not so many of these kinds of things happened before. Instead, it confirmed what I already know: I’m on my path. Life is a joyride. I create my reality. And these kinds of things happen all the time.
I’m sharing this because sharing is part of how I appreciate what I know.
· · ·
I had a wonderful brunch with a long-time friend and his partner. It’s timely because I am appreciating more these days my own queerness as a trans-attracted person. It wasn’t missed on me that all this embracing who I am is happening right around Pride Month.
Nor is it surprising that my life is changing in big ways. These changes too prove appreciation creates an awesome life. An awesome life on every level. Life tunes up to one’s heightened positivity. The more optimistic I get, the greater my life gets.
After a wonderful time with Kyle and “Josh”, I hopped on my bike. I headed to a secluded spot along Portland’s Willamette River. According to their schedule, Navy ships visiting Portland would be leaving in the hour. This secluded spot would be perfect to see them.
An hour passed. No ships.
But what did happen was way more satisfying.
A section of the winding, bumpy downhill road. Where it all happened. (Photo by the author)
On my way to the riverside, I rode down this very steep, very bumpy road. It runs about a mile from the University of Portland down to the river’s edge. I can’t over stress how unmaintained it is. Ruts, potholes separated asphalt, weeds and dirt make that downhill run challenging.
It also rattles the hell out of me and my bike.
I usually ride with ear buds, listening to a podcast or music. This day was no different. two-thirds down the hill, my bike started making a huge racket. So loud I heard it over the podcast.
I got to the bottom of the hill. Then checked my bike. Turns out a fender fastener fell off. The two free parts rattled together as the fender vibrated with every bump.
I had trouble with this before. I tightened it “finger tight” back then. “Finger tight” was not enough apparently.
Ugh! What’s That Noise?
Noises bug me. Whether a squeaky dashboard on a car, or an annoying rattle on my bike, I’d prefer they not happen. So when this racket started, I got annoyed.
But only for a sliver of a split second!
Instead of complaining about the noise, dreading havinglost that fastener or worrying that I wouldn’t find it, I stayed neutral. No negativity! That’s my moment-by-moment mantra these days.
An hour later, when I had enough fun at the river, I hopped on my bike. Funny thing was, I had so much fun on the river, I forgot about the missing fastener until just then.
Instead of riding back with that annoying rattle, I found a piece of string on the beach. I used it to “MacGyver” the two metal pieces, so they wouldn’t rattle. I figured I’d ride to the bike shop. They’d probably have a replacement.
Check out those MacGyver skills!
But then my Inner Being offered a different approach: why not meet with the piece that fell off?
My first thought was “forget it. It’s lost. I’ll never find it on that bumpy road. It could have tumbled off the road into the weeds. I was going so fast.”
Jeez. Reading that, I sound like Luke Skywalker in Star Wars:
[Luke sees his X-wing is about to sink into the bog]
Luke: Oh, no! We’ll never get it out now!
Yoda: So certain, are you? Always with you, what cannot be done. Hear you nothing that I say?
Luke: Master, moving stones around is one thing, but this is… totally different!
Yoda: No! No different! Only different in your mind. You must unlearn what you have learned.
Luke: All right, I’ll give it a try.
Yoda: No! Try not. Do… or do not. There is no try. [Luke tries to use the Force to levitate his X-Wing out of the bog, but fails in his attempt.]
Luke: I can’t. It’s too big.
Yoda: Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship.
Luke: You want the impossible. [sees Yoda use the Force to levitate the X-wing out of the bog and gets flustered when he does it] I don’t… I don’t believe it!
Yoda: That is why you fail.
So for a split second i entertained disbelief. But I caught those thoughts early. I replaced them with more positive thoughts: “I’ll find it.” “This might be an adventure!” “What if I find it?” And “My Inner Being and intuition will lead me to it.”
That’s all I thought. Thinking those thoughts I felt optimistic.
I got on my bike and rode up that steep, bumpy road. I didn’t try to find the fastener. I just rode slowly, enjoying the climb.
That’s when I started weaving back and forth up the road. I didn’t do it on purpose. I was having fun. The fastener was not in my mind.
Then, I happened to look to the right and down…
And there it was!
See it?
Think of this! I careened down that steep, bumpy, road. It was a mile long. That tiny fastener could have fallen anywhere. In a pothole, a shaded spot, in a rut, into the weeds alongside the road.
It’s right there…..
It was a literal metaphorical needle in a mile-long haystack.
Yet, here it was. And I rode right to it.
How cool is that?
There it is!
Life Is Full Of Happy Events When You’re Happy
I didn’t share this earlier, but there was another big co-inciding about that brunch. I’ll share it now.
I know I am a “lightworker”. I came here to uplift humankind during this time of huge change. That’s why I have these creative abilities. I want my creative expression to serve that purpose. I know as it does, I will become more successful.
Several weeks ago, I was day dreaming. Day dreaming is a great way to visualize what I want. So long as I don’t energize the absence of what I want.
The lifestyle I’m visioning includes having a private chef as part of my household staff.
I know that getting what I want is inevitable. On the way to all that, my personal trinity gets involved. It sends me little co-inciding events letting me know what I want is becoming my reality.
My “Personal Trinity”: All That Is, my Inner Being and the Universe. All working together coordinating my emerging reality.
Remember that breakfast with Kyle and his partner?
Well his partner is an executive chef. He loves cooking. And, not long ago, he was the personal chef to the billionaire wife of a major motion picture company! Motion pictures. How’s that for success through creativity?
Now picture this: here I was sitting across the table from the personal chef of a super-successful creative person. A billionaire!
Coincidence? I say providence. Josh was so gracious. He shared his experiences as a personal chef to a billionaire, the highs and the lows of it, how it works, and what she paid him.
It was an excellent opportunity. I savored that conversation. I knew it was a breadcrumb on the way to my emerging success.
The process by which I create reality. With a lot of help from my “Personal Trinity.”
There are lots of things happening in my life showing how what I’m doing spiritually shapes my now. My future too.
The same thing is happening in your life.
I know doing my part means being happy. Being easy about my life. Appreciating as much as I can. The more I have done that over the years, the more my experience includes events like the two I’m sharing.
And there’s more coming. It’s what life is about.
Life for me is not about the big dreams materializing. Although that’s part of the path.
For me, the main event of the path is the path. Learning to recognize and appreciate the jewels along the journey.
The key to recognizing them is being positively focused as much as I can. Then watching as my Personal Trinity surprises and delights me.
Everyone will realize true freedom when they die. They return to nonphysical. From there they see all their worries and concerns were about nothing.
Sometimes, people get that before they die. Realization comes at different times for different people. You might have an argument with your spouse, for example. You might become awakened in prison. Or it might come through repeated experiences. Experiences repeating because you’re not getting the message.
Perry is telling more of his stories now. But we’ll still chime in from time to time. Today, we are sharing what happened when Perry recently had all three of these.
His story shows how your larger self (that’s us to Perry) organizes life so you can let go of beliefs holding you back. For Perry, letting go sometimes takes longer than we’d like.
He comes around eventually. Sometimes, as you’ll read, we go through extraordinary measures to get him there. He can be stubborn.
Hard Times Are Unnecessary. But They Serve A Purpose
Perry and his wife have been strained as of late. His wife is exasperated with Perry’s focus on everything other than creating an income. It’s been a while. To Bridget, his wife, it’s been too long.
Bridget knows, as Perry does, whatever a person puts their attention on enlarges. Even if what you’re attending to is something you don’t want. Such as your spouse not bringing in an income, that thing will get bigger. Or in this case, take longer.
Sometimes, people don’t get the message until the circumstance gets unbearably difficult. This was the case with Perry’s wife. She was beside herself in frustration. In literal agony at times. And she took it out on Perry.
But Perry, knowing what he knows ignored his wife’s protests. He has seen too much evidence what he’s doing is working. “Working” meaning leading to more and more prosperity, plenty and joy for him, but also for his wife. Even though that doesn’t include manifested income…yet.
So when her frustration boils over, Perry goes Missing in Action (MIA). He gets as far from her as he can. Until the boiling stops.
Sometimes that’s a long time.
· · ·
Several weeks ago, things came to a head. Bridget was trying to use her anger and frustration to goad Perry. She hoped that would get her what she wanted: for Perry to get a job.
Goading is a terrible way to get what you want from someone. The person digs in their heels. You get more frustrated. Nobody wins.
Perry wasn’t changing course anyway. Instead, he let her know what we had been telling him all along:
From Perry’s perspective, he is 100 percent responsible for how his wife is treating him. In fact, as we have said to him, his wife’s anger and frustration about his lack of income is a reflection in Perry’s physical reality of his own beliefs about money, success prosperity and how to get it.
Everything in Perry’s reality reflects back to him his own beliefs about reality. Including how other people treat him. Perry is long down that path of getting that. But he’s not an expert yet.
Yet, when Perry realized his wife’s frustrations reflected back his own, he shared it with his wife. That created a breakthrough for her.
The next day, Perry’s wife sent the following:
Wisdom seeming coming “coincidentally”. But it wasn’t coincidence.
This card is part of a deck Perry’s wife bought that day. Buying the deck was an act inspired by her larger perspective. They were communicating a way out of her frustration and pain and struggle. A way that didn’t rely on Perry doing anything different.
After getting that message, things between Perry and his wife have been on the mend. The story isn’t over. But for now, some peace has returned.
· · ·
To get where he wants financially, Perry must let go of past hurts and transgressions. Hurts and transgressions he believes his wife caused him. Afterall, everything his wife “did to him” is a reflection of something going on inside Perry. It’s hard to hear when you’re on the receiving end of what you think is vile behavior from someone who says they love you.
But it’s 100 percent accurate. How someone treats you reflects something going on inside you.
An Miff Over Text Sets It Up
Some time back, a friend of Perry’s sent him an email. This friend met someone while recording a podcast about entrepreneurs in prison. This person, let’s call her Joy, is transgender. This friend thought she’d make a great guest for Perry’s YouTube show.
So Perry got this email in his inbox.
He set up time to visit Joy in prison.
The day of the visit came. Perry got ready. When he got in the car, which he and his wife share, the tank was on empty. One day late last year, when Perry left the car in a similar state, his wife raked him over the coals. He had a reasonable explanation. But she wasn’t having it. When a person rakes you over the coals, especially disproportionate to your “offense”, there is always something more going on than what you’ve done.
In Perry’s case back then, Bridget’s anger comprised all her frustration with Perry over the years. And her own personal issues which were particularly strong that day. But Perry too played a role in that. His focus on his wife’s negativity is well-practiced. So his focus momentum matches both Perry and Bridget when they’re not at their best. Relationships are always 100 percent. Each party is 100 percent responsible for what’s happening.
Perry was holding onto that past empty-tank raking over the coals experience. So when he saw the tank was near empty, two things happened.
One, he didn’t get mad, which was good. But he didn’t think about what he did next. Well, he thought about it. But not long enough to avoid doing what he did. What he did was send his wife a picture and text message:
He was not mad. But he couldn’t let go of what happened before. He still held onto his anger and outrage that his wife would get so bent out of shape over something so trivial. He didn’t realize there was more behind her frustration than an empty gas tank.
So he sent this text out of his past hurt and frustration.
Like Perry had, Bridget too had a good reason for leaving the car empty. Perpetrators have reasonable explanations. Reasonable for them. Not the “victim”: the person who now must put gas in the tank.
Perry went to fill the tank, then headed to prison. Little did he know he was already imprisoned. Imprisoned by his old ways of thinking and being. Thankfully, that was about to change.
A Big Surprise Behind Bars
Perry has never been to actual prison. The experience fascinated him. He checked in, got a visitor badge. He had to leave his phone in the car. He also had to dress a certain way. He needed to stand out from inmates, in case there was a problem.
People’s kindness on the inside surprised him. Unlike the movies, people were friendly and conversational. Security was there, but minimal.
Joy participates in a special discussion group. It was the only time Perry and Joy could meet. Perry hoped Joy would be an open book as a guest. He knew she’d have great stories. But he didn’t know if Joy would be willing to share them.
What happened next blew his mind.
Inmates filed into the chapel’s meeting room. About six, all men except Joy and Perry’s escort.
The escort also leads the discussion. She briefly mentioned Perry then asked people to introduce themselves. That’s when it happened.
Each person, to a person talked about “insights” they were getting. They talked about realizing their thoughts create their reality. Each described how calm and peaceful their lives became from participating in the group.
“What is this group?” Perry thought.
It’s called Insight Alliance. Group members take part in experiential learning. They talk about taking responsiblity for creating their reality. And how that reality shows up from the thoughts they think. Thoughts that if left unchecked, will run amok. Which create lives run amok.
Not only did this surprise him, but Perry also felt self-conscious. That’s because he realized something sitting there listening to the inmates. He wasn’t taking responsibility for thoughts creating the reality that is his wife.
Perry was chagrined (I was!). “If people in prison were realizing their reality is their creation, taking responsiblity for that and letting go of the past, what excuse do I have?” He thought. “Why am I holding on to something Bridget did months ago?”
When his turn came, Perry gave a lengthy self-introduction. Including information about the economic system he expects will replace capitalism in the future, his work with the transgender community and his blog Positively Focused. He didn’t mention the epiphany he had just had.
Then the meeting got underway.
While listening, Perry also saw that “inmates” are people. They are smart. They are thoughtful. They’re not bad. Perry’s preconceived notions evaporated.
And, Joy turned out to be just that. Perry was right: she had a ton of great stories. And, she said, she is an open book. Totally willing to share pretty much everything.
But wait! We’re not finished. More surprises were in store.
Perry having an epiphany in prison.
The Best Conversation About Capitalism Happened In Prison
After 70 minutes or so, the sharing petered out. That’s when one inmate said something Perry wasn’t expecting.
“I am dying to hear about this new economic system of yours,” he said.
All eyes were on him.
“Go ahead,” his escort said. “Tell us. I’m dying to know too!”
What followed was one of the most inspiring, fulfilling conversations about Perry’s idea.
He described how the system works. Then participants started telling Perry how it would work under various scenarios. Everyone was leaning in. They talked about how the transition could happen. How raw materials and supplies used to make things would be given to people making things (at no cost to anyone). How everyone on the planet could get their food, clothing, shelter, all their education, and all their healthcare at no cost to anyone…with no one footing the bill for those things. And how all that could transform life on Earth.
One guy didn’t get it. He dreams of becoming a rancher. He couldn’t understand how anyone would give him cows for free to ranch. The others tried explaining, but he couldn’t put it together in his head.
Still, Perry’s surprise was obvious. Never had a group got possibility so fast. And these were inmates, Perry thought.
By the time Perry got to his car, he felt far different about inmates. He also felt different about his wife. So he sent this:
Your reality reflects your beliefs. This happens so you can expand into greater harmony with your larger perspective. That is what life is all about.
Perry’s day in prison shows how we coordinate events so he can see what he can’t see. Many humans can’t see what’s happening inside them. And they don’t know why physical reality exists. So the go through their lives significantly handicapped.
Being Positively Focused brings back ability. You start seeing life as it’s mean to be seen. From that, you can live as intended. With joy and real freedom.
It doesn’t matter when or where you are. Joy and freedom are available. Some people get it in prison. Some get it visiting prison. Others might get it fighting with their wife. Everyone gets it when they die.
But you don’t have to wait until you die to get it. You can get it starting today.
This is a metaphorical view of something real and tangible. It is what all beings have. And it can be used to create any life you desire. This is what I refer to in my blogs. Enjoy.
So Game of Thrones is over. What a finale. Danny dead. Jon Snow exiled. Arya off on adventure. The hound…Queen Cersei…well…you know.
But producers hid the biggest GOT story right in plain sight. As much as it was a fantasy, Game of Thrones is faithful to reality. And if you got that, well, you walked away from season eight’s final episode as I did.
With a huge freaking grin and insanely inspired.
There’s Nothing Like A Story
In one of the show’s best monologues Tyrian Lannister tells the story of Bran the Broken. Soon to be chosen as king of the six realms, Bran began the show as what seemed like a minor character.
But that minor part became the major story. And this is the hidden gem. Namely: You can work your ass off and still not be king. Better put: Do nothing and you will be king.
That’s exactly what Bran did. After being pushed off a window ledge at Winterfell, it seemed Bran’s life was over. He ended up a coma. Then paralyzed. He got out of the coma. Only to learn he’d be forever in a wheel chair.
Artwork by the Author
Which forced him to go spiritual. With nary a limb he could flex, he turned to flexing his consciousness. Then he began probing spiritual mysteries.
What he found helped him marshal forces of destiny. He used them, moving with All That Is as it used other people to do its bidding. Through that connection, Bran became not only Bran the Broken, king of the six realms. He also became Bran the Invincible.
Even facing the Night King, the most fearsome foe in the whole show, Bran prevailed.
Note how everyone moved in Bran’s favor while at the same time serving their own purposes. A assassin tried killing him but a massive hound rips his throat out. Wildlings tried killing him. Theon Greyjoy and Rob rush to his rescue. When Theon takes Winterfell, he survives thanks to Osha’s help.
In every adverse situation, Bran maintained connection with his larger self. His larger self giving insight into the next steps. His larger self directing others in Bran’s defense. Meanwhile Bran relied on inner knowing telling him where to be. Who to speak with. What to say.
All without lifting a finger, arm, leg or sword, Bran became leader of the realm.
GOT is great fantasy. It’s also excellent commentary on reality. GOT is allegory. You have Bran’s ability. I notice this ability unfolding in my own life. Me and my Inner Being write about such experiences throughout this blog.
Here we describe how I choose an outcome. Then I connect with the universe, All That Is and my Inner Being, all representing my larger self. I communicate my desire. Then watch as my personal trinity orchestrates the world around me. Including people and events. Orchestrated in such a way that what I chose becomes my reality.
My personal complex identity. The “we” of me. Artwork: The author
Action Is Overrated
Contrast Bran’s story with that of Jon Snow, or any other action-oriented GOT character. Jon, the best swordsman. Admired. A master strategist. Handsome. A courageous fighter. Death-defying…and legitimate and rightful heir to the Iron Throne.
All that action-based, work your ass off effort he was known for got him nothing. Nothing except cold days and nights in exile with the wildlings. Not so bad considering that hunk of a guy Tormund Giantsbane. And if there are more beauties like Ygritte there.
Far from becoming king though.
Sure he didn’t want it. But that’s not the point.
Artwork: the author
The point is, focus on connecting with your deeper self. That larger part of you remaining in the spiritual world. When you do, you’ll discover profound insights. Insights about yourself. Insights about the world and people around you.
When you do, you’ll discover just how much influence you have over the world around you. You become king. King of the largest realm there is. The realm of your subjective reality. Which includes all you’re capable of perceiving.
You’ll also perceive something else. That you are surrounded by messages encouragingi to look within. Especially movies and art.
Game of Thrones was a thrill ride. A great story. A wonderful character exploration. But if you missed what you just read, you just got entertained.
It’s a common belief, especially among Americans, that people who don’t work, deserve to be broke. People on government subsistence programs are especially judged.
Usually American conservatives are judging. They say such people are “lazy drains on society”.
In a sense, they are right. Such people aren’t paying attention to the belief constellations they’re building around themselves, which creates the reality they have.
But there’s another reason too. One the rest of us can do something about.
One reason such programs are necessary is because civilization makes such programs necessary. A civilization is possible where such programs aren’t necessary. Such a civilization could enrich everyone, no matter what they’re doing. And, said enrichment doesn’t have to cost anyone anything.
That last part is important. I’ll revisit that later. In short, our beliefs create our reality. Everything is possible. But not if you don’t believe everything is possible. And a lot of us don’t believe everything is possible. But it is.
· · ·
I get to talk with many conservatives. I’ve learned a lot. Their criticism against such ideas as “we can have a civilization where everyone is rich, no matter what they do” feels valid to them. They call such beliefs “unrealistic progressive utopian fantasies”. They call their believers “socialists”, “libtards” or worse. I’ve found there are a couple reasons for this.
One, they worry such ideas could wreck what we currently have. It’s a “don’t break what’s working” mentality. Or, a “move slow so you don’t break what’s working” mindset.
That’s legit. Throwing out what’s working isn’t smart. Don’t quit your day job, right? Especially if you believe a day job is the only way to consistent income. It’s not the only way. But it is the only way if you believe that.
The “unknown unknowns”, as Donald Rumsfeld once called them, that conservatives worry about keep them from entertaining ideas progressives believe are needed. Given unforeseeable negative future consequences, these new ideas aren’t worth considering, they say.
Looking at some alternatives offered, I get that concern. But they’re not all bad.
But there’s a bigger reason conservatives push back against progressive ideas. Whether it’s my idea or Alexandria Ocasio Cortez’s Green New Deal, conservatives believe they’re unnecessary. And so not worth paying for. Especially (and this is critical) if they have to do the paying.
Mitch McConnell. He’s not evil. He just doesn’t think America needs progressive improvement. And, he doesn’t want to pay for it if it does. (Photo: U.S. Government)
So their legit concerns over practical matters spills over into a distorted selfishness. Their caution becomes an argument for keeping things the same. And their wallets full.
It’s not these people’s fault. Their belief constellations say the world’s working for everyone. Those it’s not working for? That’s their fault. Why change it? Meanwhile others say it’s not working. These folks want to change it.
Who’s right?
Both are. The world is working for everyone. And, the world can always be improved.
For sure, it’s unfair to say all conservatives feel the world is fine. It IS fair to say though that some progressives believe the world is fine. Particularly rich ones. And some conservatives believe that too.
Beliefs Determine Our Civilization
I know human civilization reflects our collective belief constellations. Our collective belief constellations create what we call society. Which is why I know changing infrastructures and institutions often compounds problems rather than fixing them.
Infrastructure – government, laws, etc., I’ve learned are ideas made manifest. Ideas are beliefs prepared to be shared. I can’t change a physical structure in my personal life and expect real change while ignoring beliefs I have underlying said structure.
For example, if I’m trying to change my financial status through action, I may become monetarily successful. But if my beliefs about finances and money still reflect lack, then it’s likely whatever success and money I have realized will go away. Real change happens at the ideological level, i.e. one’s beliefs.
Our collective mindset is humanity’s biggest impediment. It shapes our civilization, which in turn, reinforces everyone’s opinion. That’s because humans like looking at the world as it is, then form an opinion of what they see. That opinion collects about it similar opinions, becoming a constellation of opinions or beliefs. Eventually that collection of beliefs is reflected into the world they’re looking at.
An excerpt from an email I received from Presidential Candidate Andrew Yang emphasizing what you just read.
They could form an opinion first, then watch as civilization shapes to that. That is what visionaries do. It’s what everyone who changes the world does.
Everyone else constrains their opinion to what they see. The more what they see negatively effects their wallet, the more intense their opinion. Their opposition too.
Which is why some conservatives, but not all, express crazy-sounding views about their fellow humans. They are crazy views. Unless you agree with them.
For example, a conservative I was talking with recently compared certain people to drone bees. He said, like drones, people on subsistence programs, or otherwise not “pulling their weight” are worthless drains on productive people. Productive people meaning, like himself:
“Drones, whether bees or other creatures, produce nothing of value. Well, that’s not entirely true – one male bee may get lucky and impregnate the queen of the next new colony. But even that contribution to production is indirect; the male doesn’t produce honey, the females do”.
Distortions fill this opinion/belief. It also shows how such distortions become people’s truths. Even though they’re distortions.
It is inaccurate, for example, to suppose drones “produce nothing of value”. Or even limited value. If that were the case, drones wouldn’t exist.
A beautiful drone brimming with value (By Epgui – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0, File:Drone bee (32-image macro stack).jpg)
Drones do exist. Which means they have intrinsic value. Nothing that exists is value-less. If it were, it wouldn’t exist. After all, every thing is All That Is. Would All That Is waste its energy creating something of no value?
Of course not.
People sometimes look to science for understanding. But science is mostly wrong about what it knows. I’m not a science denier. I understand science. Possibly more than most lay people.
Science has some things right. But what it gets right is minuscule compared to total knowledge. It’s also small compared to what it thinks it knows as right. In other words, some things science thinks it knows right aren’t. And a lot of what it could know, that could be helpful, is not interesting to science:
Most of what science knows (blue circle + yellow circle) is wrong. Only a small part of what it knows (yellow circle) is accurate. Critical information about the Universe is uninteresting to science. That’s why much of what it thinks it knows is right is wrong.
Science has proven this over and over. It’s amazing to me people get angry when I say this, when it’s so obvious.
For example, science at one time “proved” blacks were inferior to whites. It “proved” homosexuals were mentally ill*. It claimed many different species as extinct that aren’t. Finally, science largely does not understand the role drone bees play. At least in this case science admits what it doesn’t know.
I’m not saying science is worthless. It has value. It exists :-). But let’s not let it alone dictate opinion. For it is often wrong. More often than it is right.
· · ·
Life’s plenty looks wasteful/valueless. So many drone bees. All those seeds a single tree produces with only a few becoming trees. All those leaves falling to the ground each fall. Leaves humans have to rake up.
…But every seed, every tree, every leaf is purposeful and valuable INTRINSICALLY.
Humans are too.
Human Beings Are “Value” Made Material
Here’s what that means, dear reader. Even though you or science may not yet believe it. That human you’re looking at, then claiming has no value, is value in and of itself. It doesn’t “have” value. It “IS” value.
If it wasn’t, the human wouldn’t be.
Which brings us to this post’s headline.
As with drone bees, leaves or any other physical reality, humans you believe are worthless are immense value. You just don’t recognize, understand or want to acknowledge it. That’s ok. You don’t have to.
We also can change civilization. So everyone gets what they want, without it costing you anything.
That last part’s worth repeating. That person you think is worthless, whether progressive, conservative, lazy or not, can get everything they want. They can enjoy wealth. Without doing what you think they must to get it.
That can’t happen in today’s society. That’s because it’s based on beliefs that aren’t true. Well they are, but only in our current version of civilization.
Outside that they’re completely and utterly false.
· · ·
The only thing slowing down progress is this: people’s persistent belief that this civilization is the only one worth having.
You may think that. But there are far more people who believe different.
And those people are winning. Which is why you see so much churn today. We can have less churn as we progress. But alas, humans love drama.
Progress is going to happen whether you want it to or not. The question is, how will you relate to it? Will you go kicking and screaming, reviling your fellow human along the way?
Or are you going to enjoy the process? Maybe even get positively focused?
Your beliefs shape your response. Another question: do you realize that?
Brit Marling (right) talking with friend Zal Batmanglij. (Photo: maybeMaybeMaybe, CC BY-SA 2.0)
Her films are gorgeous, quirky, thought-provoking art you either love or hate. But more important, Brit Marling’s career trajectory to film making stardom shows how you can find success simply by following your inner guidance.
Your inner guidance knows better than societal, parental or even your own ideas of how to become successful.
Kicking guaranteed success to the curb, she succeeded nevertheless.
Having trouble understanding the difference between following your inner guidance and doing the practical thing? Listen to Marling’s story.
Once a Goldman Sachs analyst, fast tracking in her mother’s footsteps on her way. But the job was making her sick. Doctors (supporters of the being “realistic”) had a fix.
But Marling had a better idea: she quit Goldman Sachs and pursued film making.
The result? Successful films, an outstanding series currently on Netflix and a life she won’t trade for anything. All not possible had she literally swallowed the (anti-depression) pill in order to stay at Goldman Sachs.
Everyone can have their own version of her story. But not when you’re thinking hard work is the way to success.
· · ·
But Perry, what about those who struggle, never realizing success the likes of Marling and others?
That’s why we need a better national infrastructure. One that makes it easy for people to follow their inner guidance. The reason so many fail following their inner guidance isn’t so much because they suck at it. It’s because society sucks at supporting them doing that.
Many people write articles about NOT following your inner guidance. Why is that?
That’s why “don’t quit your day job” is so popular. And so often followed.
That’s also why so many advise against following your inner guidance. Even though doing so can work, our infrastructure is built against people doing that.
But that’s changing.
Meanwhile, Marling shows the best human output comes from following one’s inner guidance. So the question is, are you following yours?
There is rancor in America and elsewhere. No time more than today is communication proficiency, self control, presence of mind and command of intention needed.
Also needed: compassion, honesty, openness and vulnerability.
When a human being is scared, they do and say irrational things. Scared people try controlling environmental factors by any means necessary. If they’re scared enough, they’ll get violent.
These acts are typical for any human. Not only conservatives. Progressives verge on similar insecurity-fueled irrationality. The Anti-facists are a great example.
But progressives have no basis for their fear. They are winning.
Conservatives have a LOT of basis for theirfear. A biological basis, as we pointed out here. The future – our collective future – offers lots too. It threatens everything they hold dear.
We therefore offer this guide to progressives. Progressives are best positioned to make history. Not by changing conservative minds. But by changing how they approachconservatives.
This guide presents a path forward. Life-changing, gratifying conversations with conservatives are possible. Conversations that can change opinions are too. These are sorely needed, but they’re not happening today’s social discourse. Not enough anyway.
This opinion-changing must happen on an individual-by-individual basis. Influence on such an insignificant level can change nations.
It’s amazing what happens when a person feels heard. It’s also amazing we get so many positive responses from conservatives, such as this one:
Progressives don’t need to change the world. They need to change their approach.
So what follows describes practical, sure-fire approaches. They will work.
However, you must practice them. Becoming genuinely proficient with them will transform your experience. Not only with your conservative fellow Americans, but anyone you disagree with.
But….and it’s a big one: if you’re not genuine in your desire to form real human bonds with a fellow human being; a human being you right now may consider your existential enemy, you will not get far. Your desire to connect with this other human must be sincere. These are not debating tactics.
Your Ground Rules
Before offering the approaches let’s set your ground rules. Your rules of engagement. Not engagement with the prospective conservative. We’ll talk about that later.
These rules of engagement are for how you will engage your humanity and your brain in service of your cause. Which is to connect meaningfully with a human you may currently consider your enemy and, through that connection, have an inspiring positive experience via conversation.
So here are your ground rules:
You will not allow words to trigger your well-honed sensitivity to offense. Words are just that. Words. You are not under threat. Even if a threat is offered, they are words. A real threat is immanent behavior likely resulting in serious personal injury. Not someone’s lips moving. Maintain your calm no matter what is said. Better yet, replace your sensitivity to offense with a healthy sense humor.
Your goal is connection. Not winning. You are not trying to persuade a conservative to become progressive. Conservatives serve a beneficial purpose within humanity. Your goal is connection. So you can fulfill your primary and secondary intents and commitments, outlined below.
Your primary intent/commitment is: understanding. You must be clear and rigid in your desire to hear, understand and inquire further into what the conservative believes.
Your secondary (but no less important) intent: finding commonalities between you and your conservative conversation partner.
Follow these ground rules while applying approaches described here. You’ll be stunned as you discover how human conservatives are. Your mind will expand and you’ll understand where conservatives are coming from.
You may even become genuinely compassionate towards conservatives. Rather than claiming to be compassionate while hating conservatives. Hate, annoyance, extreme frustration are not compassion. That’s hypocrisy. If you’re progressive.
Distinguishing The Context
Now let’s talk about context. To do so we’ll distinguishing two labels which describe communication between two people. People often confuse one for the other. Doing so, they get in trouble.
You want a conversation with the conservative. The word “conversation” may mean to you the same thing as “discussion”, the other word we’re going to clarify. But these words are NOT the same. They describe two totally different intents, processes, outcomes, contexts and feelings.
One aligns with your intent (presuming you’re wanting connection). The other does not.
You want conversation
“Conversation” is a talk, usually an informal one, between two or more people exchanging ideas. You know this. But you may not know the word’s origin. Words’ origins carry their meaning so much better sometimes than their definition. So let’s look at the origin of “conversation”. Here it is:
Interesting, eh? A conversation then, is something that ends with you having a feeling of “living among, or having intimate familiarity,” with the person with whom you have conversed. This is what you want. You want a conversation. Not a discussion.
Not a discussion
Let’s contrast conversation now with “discussion”. A discussion is “the action or process of talking about something in order to reach a decision or to exchange ideas.”
That sounds laudable. It’s not though.
Not in the context of making a connection with, and understanding another human being.
Discussions don’t breed familiarity. In discussions, you’re just throwing back and forth opinions. Discussions get you nowhere if you’re trying to connect.
But wait, there’s more.
People don’t generally understand what “discussion” connotes. Probably because, like “converstation”, they don’t understand the word’s origin. Here is the origin of the word “discussion”, the noun and verb so you get a clear picture.
So the intent of “discussions” is not to gain familiarity and a sense of living among the person you are speaking with. No. Its intent is “to examine by argument, to tear apart, shake or dash to pieces.”
Does that sound like the basis of connection?
We don’t think so either.
· · ·
Progressives and conservatives are not trying to connect. They are tearing each other apart. And the country along with them.
They are discussing. Not conversing.
If you want a groundbreaking interaction with a conservative, you’re going to have to move out of discussion mode and into conversation mode.
Ok?
The Right Way To Approach Conservatives
So here are the approaches. They only work if you stridently refuse to be baited. Strive instead for connection and understanding (your ground rules).
If you can’t stick to the ground rules, it’s best you first practice with someone who can role play a conservative until you get the hang of it.
The approach:
Ask more questions than sharing your opinion.
Express over and over your sincere desire to understand their point of view, not to exert yours, until they relent, i.e. realize you really do want to understand them.
Beseech your conservative to stick to answering your questions. If they avoid or refuse to answer your questions, keep (politely) redirecting the conversation back to your questions, or express vulnerability (we’ll offer an example in a moment) that may trigger them reciprocating.
When the conservative answers your question, offer sincere praise and appreciation. It is not standard practice for someone who is fearful and feeling defensive to answer a question, particularly one that demands they be vulnerable. Especially a question asked by someone the responder believes is the enemy of their values. So reward them for taking a risk.
When the person answers your question, and you have praised them, ask more questions. Offer limited information you may want to share. Instead, listen to the person’s answers.
When they answer, take in what they say. Chew on it, prepare a relevant response. Then offer the response in the form of a question or a polite rebuttal supported with examples.
If they ask a question, answer it. If you don’t have an answer, say so. Risk looking stupid. And if they call you stupid or a loser or whatever, remember ground rule number one.
Repeat these steps.
We’re not offering this in a vacuum. It has worked for Perry several times now to remarkable results. Not every time, but often enough to recommend them. We’re offering one complete example that happened on facebook. We’re offering this example because of the documented evidence. Anyone can look at it to see what happened.
Despite Perry misstepping in several moments, the conversation went quite well. Here’s an overview of it:
Perry offered the following Meme on his wall.
It’s inaccurate (which the conservative responders pointed out). But the purpose of sharing it was for conversation. Conversation did happen. It ended with the following statement. This from a conservative who at first expressed himself aggressively:
I enjoyed reading your post. We do have more in common it seems….I wish you much success in your endeavors!
This is where you want to end up. It won’t happen every time, but if you practice, you’ll get better at it. Perry screwed up in this facebook exchange a couple times. But he still ended with positive results in line with the above ground rules, objectives/intents.
So we know if you sincerely use these approaches, you’ll find yourself in a new reality. One where conservatives turn out to be human.
Just like you.
Don’t Get Triggered
A conservative defending her life-decisions, then name calling Perry in a tweet.
People who believe conservatively have been trained to be tough. They live in a brutish world where it’s dog eat dog, and survival of the fittest.
Their manner of interaction feels like discussion. Confrontational, gruff, belligerent. Not conversational. At first.
So be prepared for rebuffs, snide accusations, and direct insults. It will sound like you’re talking to Alex Jones, Donald Trump or Rush Limbaugh instead of the person you’re talking with.
After all, for many conservatives, these people are their heroes. So of course they will pattern their discussion style on those peoples’ styles.
Intelligent conservatives, taking a cue from many conservative activist organizational playbooks, such as the college campus-focused Turning Point USA, will try to bait you into losing your control.
Don’t take the bait.
Compassion Wins. Always.
Self control is your best friend. Again, if you suck at self control, your best fallback is your leftie compassion.
But if “compassion” is just a word for you, or worse, something you believe you “can’t afford in these times”, which is actually something a progressive told Perry recently, then you’ve already lost.
There is always room for compassion. The best, most effective progressives – Jesus, Ghandi, MLK, Harvey Milk – have demonstrated this time and time again.
You must contain your disgust. You must respond with vulnerability. Even in the face of their disgust of you (and what they presume you believe).
For example, when Perry clarified errors a conservative made in interpreting Perry’s previous comment, the person offered the following:
I’d like to continue proving my points but you don’t seem too receptive to the logic I’m providing. Your idea of what a necessity is leaves me wondering how much of a privileged life you must have and probably still do live. Many people survive without an education and many walk to jobs or bike. Many live healthy lives without doctors and hospitals. It’s a shame that you don’t seem to have facts to support your assertions, or did I miss them somewhere in your previous posts? Again I appreciate your ‘opinion’ and respectfully disagree with most if not all of them. Assertions without facts to support them lead me to believe that all of your points are opinion based.
In response, Perry could have been triggered as a person of color, being accused of enjoying privilege. Instead, Perry offered vulnerability. How? By acknowledging his privilege:
So now let’s talk about my privilege, which is a funny thing to bring up IMO. But as I said, I’m more than happy to chat about whatever you bring up.
I am privileged. I live in a great country. It has ALWAYS been great. It also can be improved. I live in the west. I live in a democratic society. I get to live pretty much wherever my finances make it possible to live. I have a wife who loves me, pets who adore me. I enjoy the sunshine, the beautiful state of Oregon and all it has to offer. I enjoy clean air, a healthy body and mind. I enjoy clean delicious food my wife makes for me or I make. I enjoy an adventurous life, where I get to spend my time doing pretty much whatever floats my boat. My life is getting better and better as is my prosperity. I realize my eternal nature and from that I know anything is possible.
I’m also male. I’m a “black” male. I came into the world with the perfect timing such that I can enjoy both these in relative security and comfort (compared to other times). I’m also non-binary. I’m free of constraints of being “straight” (thank god!). I have the fluidity of thought to see the world from multiple perspectives, and not just human ones. I have the privilege to have time to think about life – ordinary day-to-day life, but also extraordinary aspects of life, such as what happens after death and how all that happens after death (and before birth) shapes what happens between birth and death. I have found those answers. From those answers, I know things a LOT of people don’t know. So yeah, I’m privileged. But no more than anyone can be. I can pretty much do right now, whatever floats my boats.
It just so happens, what floats my boats is creating a world where EVERYONE has the opportunity to do whatever THEY want to float THEIR boats….
You can’t be vulnerable if you’re triggered. You can’t offer cogent thoughtful replies either when you’re triggered. When you get triggered, you offer fodder confirming conservative beliefs about you and other progressives (liberals). Don’t be this guy:
Offer Food For Thought
Once you have earned their attention by thoughtfully, calmly and constructively listening to, and then expressing understanding, only then should you offer “food for thought”.
Food for thought is not telling them they are wrong. This isn’t about right and wrong. Your food for thought should be an attempt to surface their human connection to other humans…even ones they believe aren’t worthy of that connection.
So for example, when a conservative says people who don’t work are parasites and deserve to starve, you must figure out a way to show how a person can do whatever he wants (even not work, for example) but shouldn’t have to starve. Or worse, work a job but not afford healthcare.
If you can’t do that, you have no basis for making such a claim. And a conservative will tell you.
Some conservatives (many people actually) view people negatively. Conservatives particularly believe people are lazy good-for-nuthins. People must earn their living by doing productive work, they believe. These beliefs aren’t factual. They’re conditioned or taught, which is exactly what a conservative told Perry recently:
…Maybe it’s because i’ve been conditioned to believe a certain way or possibly my life experience has taught me to be cautious….
A good way to chart unknown territory with a conservative: appeal to their well-known territory (for the conservative). That is, talk about liberty. But not the way conservatives talk about it.
Liberty as you may know, is a major conservative talking point. But the kind of liberty (aka “freedom”) conservatives believe in is a kind of pseudo-freedom. It’s not really freedom as it is based on coercion: As far as conservatives believe, your freedom doesn’t extend to being a lazy parasite on society. Another way of putting that is: your freedom shouldn’t cost me or anyone else. So pull your own weight.
The response to this point is: “you’re right. And in the 21st Century no one’s freedom should cost anyone anything. This is the future. Everything is possible.”
· · ·
Perry likes offering this tasty morsel, which creates amazing moments that, at first, stupefies conservatives. But then leads to remarkable, real, conversations.
It begins with Perry’s definition of real freedom:
“A person who is really free can do nothing if that’s what they want to do. A person who wants to spend all their time learning to paint, play video games all day, or fish or whatever, can. And they can do those things (or anything else) without going hungry, living on the street, or getting care for their body (or mind) if necessary. If they’re free that is. They can also get all the education they need or want to learn or improve any skill while doing whatever they want without having to earn money to get those things. And…the person exercising their freedom can do so without anyone else having to do anything they don’t want to do to support that person.”
A definition like that will short circuit most people’s brains (conservative and progressive) namely because most people can’t figure out how this kind of freedom is possible. Perry explains how this is possible. Then shows how the world is careening towards exactly that outcome for everyone.
Your food for thought, therefore, must halt a conservative’s talking points in its tracks. It must get them genuinely thinking. Not spouting conservative boilerplate.
Another example: Perry was at a Starbucks recently. There he happened to sit in a nest of conservatives. That wasn’t his intent. It just happened.
One of the conservative’s asked “what do you do for a living?”
“I don’t do anything for a living,” Perry said. “I don’t believe my living requires me to do anything.”
This conservative’s friend, Mary, piped in.
“So you’re a socialist,” She said.
“No. I’m not,” Perry said.
“Then what are you?” Mary asked.
Knowing Mary was likely a conservative, and therefore Christian (which she was) Perry said “I am what Jesus is.”
That derailed Mary’s train of thought. Now Mary had to ask a question likely not included in her talking points:
“What do you mean?” She asked.
“I am that I am,” Perry said.
The conversation turned to Christianity. Perry is not Christian, but he is well-versed on fundamental accuracies upon which Christianity’s distortions are based.
So he was able to form a connection with Mary through her religious beliefs. Then he turned the conversation towards Christian compassion. He was about to ask Mary if her compassion extends to immigrants and if not why not.
But Mary ran out of time (she had to catch a plane).
Still, you can see, by not getting baited into a debate about “socialism” and name calling, and instead connecting with something Mary held dear (her Christian beliefs), Perry found room in between Mary’s boilerplate about people who she prejudges as “socialists”.
You can do this too.
And not only will the conversations you have stun you in their originality, you’ll learn that underneath all that lashing out, anger and conservative closed-mindedness is a human being wanting to be understood and connected with.
That is the short answer to this entire approach. Giving conservatives what they want, so their minds open.
· · ·
If progressives really want the world they want, they must find a way to give conservatives what they want.
Until you know what that is, you can’t give it to them. And you can’t know unless you understand them. And, you can’t understand them unless you’re willing to talk with them.
And finally, if your approach is based on not understanding justified conservative fear that they’re losing everything, and that’s why they are lashing out, you’re going to have a hard time having a conversation with them.
Rancor in America and elsewhere can be mended. But you can’t expect conservatives to make the first step.
Someone has to though. That someone can be you. And this guide can help.
