The Best Argument For Living With Your Head In The Clouds

Where you're meant to be FB blog

In every life instant, amazing experiences are happening. A dizzying number.

Even in your life, these things are happening. You don’t recognize them if your awareness is limited by negative thinking. But the more positively focused you become, the better you see.

“Yeah, right,” you might scoff. “My life is busy. I don’t have time to stop and smell the roses. Get your head out of the clouds.”

Having your head in the clouds is the prerequisite to living life on cloud nine. Why do you think humans have the saying “living on cloud nine” in the first place? Or having one’s “head in the clouds”?

It’s not because it’s a fantasy. For some it’s real.

But that’s how life is supposed to feel for everyone. Not only a few.

On cloud nine, you live in bliss, you see evidence everywhere that your dreams are becoming real.

Not “becoming real” metaphorically like a dream. But in real life.

Out of life’s beautiful complexity, you meant to choose life experiences matching your dreams. You knew your life could match your dreams before you got here.

That’s why you’re here now.

As more dreams came true your life would feel unreal. More dreams would come true. Then more. Then more.  And then you’d happily leave physical reality behind.

By “life” we don’t mean this life only. We mean all your lives. Lives you’re living in many dimensions. So many it makes no sense counting them.

yolo blog
You only live once…or do you?

But you’re human. As human, you narrow your larger awareness into this one human experience. It seems like you have only one life to live. You Only Live Once (YOLO), they say.

But they are wrong. You’re eternal. And you can know that as sure as you know you are reading this.

Many reading this would like what they’re reading to be true. They have trouble finding evidence of this in their lives though.  They have no proof these words are accurate.

If you’re one of these readers, take heart. The only reason you don’t have evidence is your awareness is limited by beliefs you have. You can’t see the evidence because you don’t believe it’s there.

But evidence surrounds you. A quick story to illustrate.

 

Evidence Appearing Invisible Only Is When You Can’t See It

One day, after a week away on vacation, Perry’s wife Bridget came home, unpacked and checked in on her pet rabbit. She didn’t want to burden Perry with taking care of the rabbit while on vacation. She already had him taking care of the cats. So she had a friend do it.

During her vacation, she still worried about the rabbit. A lot. Bridget worries about a lot a lot.

At first, she didn’t know Perry was feeding and watering the rabbit. Even though her friend and Perry himself told her that.

Rabbit text blog

Not long after she returned from her trip, even though only two hours had passed since Perry told her that he had been feeding the rabbit, Bridget, in a panic, sent this:

Food bowl blog

Now, here is the interesting thing. In the picture above, you see an empty food bowl. It could have been empty because the rabbit ate all the food. Either way, you don’t see the entire picture. This is how you might see your own life.

Below is a larger perspective of the entire rabbit cage. Notice the full food bowl on the left. It seems obvious Bridget should have seen the full bowl. The whole picture.

Rabbit cage blog2

 

Logical right? Why didn’t she?

Because her beliefs prevented her from seeing it. That’s why. She said she worried her whole vacation about the rabbit. That worry created a reality where – for Bridget – the rabbit hadn’t been fed. Even though in Perry’s reality, the rabbit had been fed.

The point is, just because you can’t see evidence of something doesn’t mean it’s not there. It is. It only means you must learn how to see it. “Learning” usually means expanding your awareness beyond your beliefs. The best way to do that is by living with your head in the clouds. Or better said: living Positively Focused.

This is what we talk about through this blog. Positively Focused is more than a clever title. It’s the state of being required to see the evidence. Evidence of what?

Evidence you live a charmed life. That you live on cloud nine.

When you get Positively Focused, your vision gets clearer and clearer. Not only do you see plenty evidence. That evidence piles up so high life gets amazing.

Your larger awareness deluges you with cloud nine evidence. That includes lovers, material success, life satisfaction and fulfillment. If you’re not getting what you want, it’s because of where you believe. Just like Bridget couldn’t see a reality different from her beliefs.

Some will say disparagingly “this sounds like the movie The Secret”. Many think that movie was too material oriented. Some think it bullshit.

It left out a lot.

Your life experience isn’t about collecting a bunch of stuff. It’s about realizing you’re eternal. It’s about realizing your absolute control over your life experience. It’s about knowing, you create your reality. How do you know? Through experiencing yourself creating your reality.

Difference blog

Then it’s about taking that knowledge and creating your best life. Day by day, as you go along.

 

Material Pursuits Are The Spiritual Practice

Since “life” happens in physical matter, “things” can help you realize you create your life. This is why The Secret focused so much on “things”. Things and experiences are “the stuff of life”.  “Physical” life is as “real” as “spiritual” life (i.e. nonphysical) gets. Because physical life experience is spiritual experience taken to its maximum experiential extent.

Physical life is the ultimate expression of spiritual life. At least it is to humans.

You knew that when you decided to become human. The ecstatic, profound immersion experience you have on Earth keeps you coming back.

Perry’s life demonstrates this truth to him all the time. His awareness is getting bigger. So he sees more evidence than most. Sometimes it’s little pearls. These are everyday experiences where life goes wonderfully.

Zoe Holling spiritual practice FB blog
Material pursuits are a spiritual practice (Photo: Zoe Holling)

And there are great big platinum/level experiences. Realizations that astound him. Perry knows both little pearls and platinum level experiences are the stuff of life. Both are equal in validity. None greater than the other.

The more he comes into his knowing, the more profound Perry’s pearls. And the bigger the Platinum-level realizations get.

That’s why Perry’s knowing is solid. His conviction too. Every realization, every manifestation that happens is one more brick in a gargantuan wall of evidence.

Sure, he still doubts sometimes. But those moments are rarer than ever.

You can know too. It just takes a little practice.

Perry writing now: it’s true. I once wanted to believe this stuff. But now, so much of what my Inner Being has told me has happened, it’s impossible not to know.

· · ·

Today, we want to share what happened one morning this past week. (the week we are writing this which is the week of March 24-29, 2019, even though it might not be published for a while)

We want to show you the small stuff, little clues Perry received. Remember, these are happening in such plenitude, it’s impossible to share them all. Perry would be writing nearly every moment about every moment!

We tell these stories to inspire readers. Not so you can copy what’s happening in Perry’s life. But so you can create your own snowflake. Your own unique, supercalifragilisticexpialidocious life experience consistent with what you believe would knock your socks off.

In other words, your own cloud nine.

Anything you want can be yours and is yours. You only must apply yourself so you become positively focused. Then you have it.

 

A Morning In Perry’s Charmed Life

On Sunday, Perry decided he wanted to get some camping utensils. He promised Bridget he’d also run to Trader Joes (TJs). Perry planned to go straight to TJs first. That would have been the logical order. Grocery shop before TJs got crowded. The other stops were closer to home.

But he got inspired to get the utensils first. Dick’s Sporting Goods was less than 10 minutes away. On his way, he got another inspiration: stop by this old cemetery even closer to home.

First leg blog
First trip: to the cemetery instead of Dick’s

You’re following your Inner Being, larger perspective, god, or whatever you want to call it. Such guidance never looks like a straight-line destination to your goal. It’s always a roundabout trip. Many reasons explain this.

First, you’d get bored if things happened fast. In other words, you prefer the long route. Second your larger perspective is coordinating with everyone else’s. So often, a circuitous trip is necessary. That’s because, rendezvous with others must be coordinated. You get what you want, while participating others get what they want also.

So what looks like what Abraham calls a “wild goose chase” is actually purpose-designed, as you’ll soon see in Perry’s experience.

So Perry went to this Columbia Historical Cemetery. It was an interesting visit. When he arrived, he assumed he’d get inspiration for drone images or other photography. But he didn’t see anything inspiring. He stayed there maybe 15 minutes.

Then he headed to Dicks’. The utensils he wanted cost almost $20 at Dicks’. Ridiculous! Perry thought. He bought all three utensils previously for $1 each (a knife, fork and spoon) at REI.

Knowing he could get a better deal, he left. Now he could have gone to Amazon.com and get any number of sets. Some less than what he paid. The cost wasn’t the point. It was the journey that unfolded.

On his way out, he got his next inspiration: try out the outdoor store next to Dicks’. It caters mainly to conservatives. Being liberal in most respects, Perry tends to support liberal-minded stores. In this case, he didn’t second guess his intuition.

“Whatever” he said, and went in.

Despite is apprehension he received great and kindly service. He also found exactly what he was looking for, for exactly the same price he paid before, more than seven years ago. Only they were a nicer color.

utensils blog
The camping utensils, had for $1 each.

They were also a two-thirds less than what Amazon.com sold them for.

So following his impulses, and not second guessing or prejudging them, gave him what he wanted. At a great price.

But that wasn’t all.

One dream Perry is allowing into his existence is owning a brand new Ford F-150 pickup truck. According to Abraham, you know you’re lined up with your desire when you see it everywhere.

Here’s an excerpt from Perry’s journal, written the day of this trip:

Then, on my way out [of the sporting goods store], my heart skipped a beat when I saw this gorgeous F-15. While I was taking these pictures (I didn’t miss this Source!) there were five other F-150s driving around me. It was pretty awesome. I get it too. I’m right on the verge of this realization. SO cool.

While Perry took pictures of this truck, five other F-150 owners drove by, at exactly the same time. A dark blue one, a silver one, two maroon ones and another white one.

F150 three quarters blog
The truck Perry is attracting into his life experience, spotted in the sporting goods store parking lot.

This is why your desires unfold in a roundabout way. If Perry had gone directly to the sporting goods store, the six trucks simultaneous experience wouldn’t have happened. But because he followed his intuition, he arrived in that spot with perfect timing so he could have this experience.

After that Perry went to TJs. Even though the store was crowded, he had an in-and-out experience. He had a wonderful conversation with the checker and even got a great parking spot in the TJ parking lot. If you ever shopped at TJs, you know how tight their parking lots are! Especially at peak times.

The whole trip blog
The final entire trip.

Now, these experiences might sound like coincidence. They might sound like no big deal. And they are, until they start happening to you regularly. This was one day in a week of such experiences. We’ll share more next time.

· · ·

Our point today is, you’re surrounded by evidence of the charmed life you live. Your cloud nine life. If you don’t experience a cloud nine life experience, it’s not because you aren’t having one. You just can’t see the evidence.

The same way Perry’s wife couldn’t see the full rabbit food bowl.

You can live with your head in the clouds. It’s not a fantastical dream. It is reality for everyone. Most don’t experience it because they believe it’s fantastical.

It is not fantastical. It’s real.

But only to those who are positively focused.

Brit Marling Knows. So Can You.

Zal_Batmanglij_&_Brit_Marling_(6998271749) blog
Brit Marling (right) talking with friend Zal Batmanglij. (Photo: maybeMaybeMaybe, CC BY-SA 2.0)

Her films are gorgeous, quirky, thought-provoking art you either love or hate. But more important, Brit Marling’s career trajectory to film making stardom shows how you can find success simply by following your inner guidance.

Your inner guidance knows better than societal, parental or even your own ideas of how to become successful.

Hard work is never the best path to success. It can and does work. And almost everyone who “makes it” will say that’s what they did. But we’re telling you, that’s not what’s happening and that’s not what made them successful.

There are a LOT of examples we could share. But Marling’s is timely.

One, because her newest Netflix show The OA dropped it’s Part II and it’s amazing. Two, because we love her quirky storytelling which explores themes dear to us. And three, because she chose to follow her inner guidance over practicality, even though the practical route was blue-chip certified, guaranteeing her a seat at the elites’ table.

Kicking guaranteed success to the curb, she succeeded nevertheless.

Having trouble understanding the difference between following your inner guidance and doing the practical thing? Listen to Marling’s story.

Once a Goldman Sachs analyst, fast tracking in her mother’s footsteps on her way. But the job was making her sick. Doctors (supporters of the being “realistic”) had a fix.

But Marling had a better idea: she quit Goldman Sachs and pursued film making.

The result? Successful films, an outstanding series currently on Netflix and a life she won’t trade for anything. All not possible had she literally swallowed the (anti-depression) pill in order to stay at Goldman Sachs.

Everyone can have their own version of her story. But not when you’re thinking hard work is the way to success.

· · ·

But Perry, what about those who struggle, never realizing success the likes of Marling and others?

That’s why we need a better national infrastructure. One that makes it easy for people to follow their inner guidance. The reason so many fail following their inner guidance isn’t so much because they suck at it. It’s because society sucks at supporting them doing that.

Dont follow your passion blog
Many people write articles about NOT following your inner guidance. Why is that?

That’s why “don’t quit your day job” is so popular. And so often followed.

That’s also why so many advise against following your inner guidance. Even though doing so can work, our infrastructure is built against people doing that.

But that’s changing.

Meanwhile, Marling shows the best human output comes from following one’s inner guidance. So the question is, are you following yours?

Want to? Here’s where to start.

 

How To Have Easy Conversations With Conservative People

Joshua Ness Converstation FB blog
Photo: Joshua Ness

There is rancor in America and elsewhere. No time more than today is communication proficiency, self control, presence of mind and command of intention needed.

Also needed: compassion, honesty, openness and vulnerability.

As a progressive, if you’re expecting conservatives bring these, satisfaction is not in your future. Conservatives are scared and for good reason.

When a human being is scared, they do and say irrational things. Scared people try controlling environmental factors by any means necessary. If they’re scared enough, they’ll get violent.

These acts are typical for any human. Not only conservatives.  Progressives verge on similar insecurity-fueled irrationality. The Anti-facists are a great example.

But progressives have no basis for their fear. They are winning.

Conservatives have a LOT of basis for their fear. A biological basis, as we pointed out here. The future – our collective future – offers lots too. It threatens everything they hold dear.

We therefore offer this guide to progressives. Progressives are best positioned to make history. Not by changing conservative minds. But by changing how they approach conservatives.

This guide presents a path forward. Life-changing,  gratifying conversations with conservatives are possible. Conversations that can change opinions are too. These are sorely needed, but they’re not happening today’s social discourse. Not enough anyway.

This opinion-changing must happen on an individual-by-individual basis. Influence on such an insignificant level can change nations.

It’s amazing what happens when a person feels heard. It’s also amazing we get so many positive responses from conservatives, such as this one:

“Thank you for your kind thoughts. It is refreshing to connect with someone with whom I can discuss some of the challenges confronting our society without the rancor too often associated with such discussions. We do have our differences…”

Progressives don’t need to change the world. They need to change their approach.

So what follows describes practical, sure-fire approaches. They will work.

However, you must practice them. Becoming genuinely proficient with them will transform your experience. Not only with your conservative fellow Americans, but anyone you disagree with.

But….and it’s a big one: if you’re not genuine in your desire to form real human bonds with a fellow human being; a human being you right now may consider your existential enemy, you will not get far. Your desire to connect with this other human must be sincere. These are not debating tactics.

 

Your Ground Rules

Before offering the approaches let’s set your ground rules. Your rules of engagement. Not engagement with the prospective conservative. We’ll talk about that later.

These rules of engagement are for how you will engage your humanity and your brain in service of your cause. Which is to connect meaningfully with a human you may currently consider your enemy and, through that connection, have an inspiring positive experience via conversation.

So here are your ground rules:

  1. You will not allow words to trigger your well-honed sensitivity to offense. Words are just that. Words. You are not under threat. Even if a threat is offered, they are words. A real threat is immanent behavior likely resulting in serious personal injury. Not someone’s lips moving. Maintain your calm no matter what is said. Better yet, replace your sensitivity to offense with a healthy sense humor. 
  2. Your goal is connection. Not winning. You are not trying to persuade a conservative to become progressive. Conservatives serve a beneficial purpose within humanity. Your goal is connection. So you can fulfill your primary and secondary intents and commitments, outlined below.
  3. Your primary intent/commitment is: understanding. You must be clear and rigid in your desire to hear, understand and inquire further into what the conservative believes.
  4. Your secondary (but no less important) intent:  finding commonalities between you and your conservative conversation partner.

Follow these ground rules while applying approaches described here. You’ll be stunned as you discover how human conservatives are. Your mind will expand and you’ll understand where conservatives are coming from.

You may even become genuinely compassionate towards conservatives. Rather than claiming to be compassionate while hating conservatives. Hate, annoyance, extreme frustration are not compassion. That’s hypocrisy. If you’re progressive.

 

Distinguishing The Context

Now let’s talk about context. To do so we’ll distinguishing two labels which describe communication between two people. People often confuse one for the other. Doing so, they get in trouble.

You want a conversation with the conservative. The word “conversation” may mean to you the same thing as “discussion”, the other word we’re going to clarify. But these words are NOT the same. They describe two totally different intents, processes, outcomes, contexts and feelings.

One aligns with your intent (presuming you’re wanting connection). The other does not.

 

You want conversation

“Conversation” is a talk, usually an informal one, between two or more people exchanging ideas. You know this. But you may not know the word’s origin. Words’ origins carry their meaning so much better sometimes than their definition. So let’s look at the origin of “conversation”. Here it is:

Screen Shot 2019-03-26 at 05.59.51 AM

Interesting, eh? A conversation then, is something that ends with you having a feeling of “living among, or having intimate familiarity,” with the person with whom you have conversed. This is what you want.  You want a conversation. Not a discussion.

 

Not a discussion

Let’s contrast conversation now with “discussion”. A discussion is “the action or process of talking about something in order to reach a decision or to exchange ideas.”

That sounds laudable. It’s not though.

Not in the context of making a connection with, and understanding another human being.

Discussions don’t breed familiarity. In discussions, you’re just throwing back and forth opinions. Discussions get you nowhere if you’re trying to connect.

But wait, there’s more.

People don’t generally understand what “discussion” connotes. Probably because, like “converstation”, they don’t understand the word’s origin. Here is the origin of the word “discussion”, the noun and verb so you get a clear picture.

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Screen Shot 2019-03-26 at 06.05.02 AM

So the intent of “discussions” is not to gain familiarity and a sense of living among the person you are speaking with. No. Its intent is “to examine by argument, to tear apart, shake or dash to pieces.”

Does that sound like the basis of connection?

We don’t think so either.

· · ·

Progressives and conservatives are not trying to connect. They are tearing each other apart. And the country along with them.

They are discussing. Not conversing.

If you want a groundbreaking interaction with a conservative, you’re going to have to move out of discussion mode and into conversation mode.

Ok?

 

The Right Way To Approach Conservatives

So here are the approaches. They only work if you stridently refuse to be baited. Strive instead for connection and understanding (your ground rules).

If you can’t stick to the ground rules, it’s best you first practice with someone who can role play a conservative until you get the hang of it.

The approach:

  1. Ask more questions than sharing your opinion.
  2. Express over and over your sincere desire to understand their point of view, not to exert yours, until they relent, i.e. realize you really do want to understand them.
  3. Beseech your conservative to stick to answering your questions. If they avoid or refuse to answer your questions, keep (politely) redirecting the conversation back to your questions, or express vulnerability (we’ll offer an example in a moment) that may trigger them reciprocating.
  4. When the conservative answers your question, offer sincere praise and appreciation. It is not standard practice for someone who is fearful and feeling defensive to answer a question, particularly one that demands they be vulnerable. Especially a question asked by someone the responder believes is the enemy of their values. So reward them for taking a risk.
  5. When the person answers your question, and you have praised them, ask more questions. Offer limited information you may want to share. Instead, listen to the person’s answers.
  6. When they answer, take in what they say. Chew on it, prepare a relevant response. Then offer the response in the form of a question or a polite rebuttal supported with examples.
  7. If they ask a question, answer it. If you don’t have an answer, say so. Risk looking stupid. And if they call you stupid or a loser or whatever, remember ground rule number one.
  8. Repeat these steps.

We’re not offering this in a vacuum. It has worked for Perry several times now to remarkable results. Not every time, but often enough to recommend them. We’re offering one complete example that happened on facebook. We’re offering this example because of the documented evidence. Anyone can look at it to see what happened.

Despite Perry misstepping in several moments, the conversation went quite well. Here’s an overview of it:

Perry offered the following Meme on his wall.

meme blog

It’s inaccurate (which the conservative responders pointed out). But the purpose of sharing it was for conversation. Conversation did happen. It ended with the following statement. This from a conservative who at first expressed himself aggressively:

I enjoyed reading your post. We do have more in common it seems….I wish you much success in your endeavors!

This is where you want to end up. It won’t happen every time, but if you practice, you’ll get better at it. Perry screwed up in this facebook exchange a couple times. But he still ended with positive results in line with the above ground rules, objectives/intents.

So we know if you sincerely use these approaches, you’ll find yourself in a new reality. One where conservatives turn out to be human.

Just like you.

 

Don’t Get Triggered

loser comment from Twitter
A conservative defending her life-decisions, then name calling Perry in a tweet.

People who believe conservatively have been trained to be tough. They live in a brutish world where it’s dog eat dog, and survival of the fittest.

Their manner of interaction feels like discussion. Confrontational, gruff, belligerent. Not conversational. At first.

So be prepared for rebuffs, snide accusations, and direct insults. It will sound like you’re talking to Alex Jones, Donald Trump or Rush Limbaugh instead of the person you’re talking with.

After all, for many conservatives, these people are their heroes. So of course they will pattern their discussion style on those peoples’ styles.

Intelligent conservatives, taking a cue from many conservative activist organizational playbooks, such as the college campus-focused Turning Point USA, will try to bait you into losing your control.

Don’t take the bait.

 

Compassion Wins. Always.

Self control is your best friend. Again, if you suck at self control, your best fallback is your leftie compassion.

But if “compassion” is just a word for you, or worse, something you believe you “can’t afford in these times”, which is actually something a progressive told Perry recently, then you’ve already lost.

There is always room for compassion. The best, most effective progressives – Jesus, Ghandi, MLK, Harvey Milk –  have demonstrated this time and time again.

You must contain your disgust. You must respond with vulnerability. Even in the face of their disgust of you (and what they presume you believe).

For example, when Perry clarified errors a conservative made in interpreting Perry’s previous comment, the person offered the following:

I’d like to continue proving my points but you don’t seem too receptive to the logic I’m providing. Your idea of what a necessity is leaves me wondering how much of a privileged life you must have and probably still do live. Many people survive without an education and many walk to jobs or bike. Many live healthy lives without doctors and hospitals. It’s a shame that you don’t seem to have facts to support your assertions, or did I miss them somewhere in your previous posts? Again I appreciate your ‘opinion’ and respectfully disagree with most if not all of them. Assertions without facts to support them lead me to believe that all of your points are opinion based.

In response, Perry could have been triggered as a person of color, being accused of enjoying privilege. Instead, Perry offered vulnerability. How? By acknowledging his privilege:

So now let’s talk about my privilege, which is a funny thing to bring up IMO. But as I said, I’m more than happy to chat about whatever you bring up.

I am privileged. I live in a great country. It has ALWAYS been great. It also can be improved. I live in the west. I live in a democratic society. I get to live pretty much wherever my finances make it possible to live. I have a wife who loves me, pets who adore me. I enjoy the sunshine, the beautiful state of Oregon and all it has to offer. I enjoy clean air, a healthy body and mind. I enjoy clean delicious food my wife makes for me or I make. I enjoy an adventurous life, where I get to spend my time doing pretty much whatever floats my boat. My life is getting better and better as is my prosperity. I realize my eternal nature and from that I know anything is possible.

I’m also male. I’m a “black” male. I came into the world with the perfect timing such that I can enjoy both these in relative security and comfort (compared to other times). I’m also non-binary. I’m free of constraints of being “straight” (thank god!). I have the fluidity of thought to see the world from multiple perspectives, and not just human ones. I have the privilege to have time to think about life – ordinary day-to-day life, but also extraordinary aspects of life, such as what happens after death and how all that happens after death (and before birth) shapes what happens between birth and death. I have found those answers. From those answers, I know things a LOT of people don’t know. So yeah, I’m privileged. But no more than anyone can be. I can pretty much do right now, whatever floats my boats.

It just so happens, what floats my boats is creating a world where EVERYONE has the opportunity to do whatever THEY want to float THEIR boats….

You can’t be vulnerable if you’re triggered. You can’t offer cogent thoughtful replies either when you’re triggered. When you get triggered, you offer fodder confirming conservative beliefs about you and other progressives (liberals). Don’t be this guy:

Offer Food For Thought

Once you have earned their attention by thoughtfully, calmly and constructively listening to, and then expressing understanding, only then should you offer “food for thought”.

Food for thought is not telling them they are wrong. This isn’t about right and wrong. Your food for thought should be an attempt to surface their human connection to other humans…even ones they believe aren’t worthy of that connection.

So for example, when a conservative says people who don’t work are parasites and deserve to starve, you must figure out a way to show how a person can do whatever he wants (even not work, for example) but shouldn’t have to starve. Or worse, work a job but not afford healthcare.

If you can’t do that, you have no basis for making such a claim. And a conservative will tell you.

Some conservatives (many people actually) view people negatively. Conservatives particularly believe people are lazy good-for-nuthins. People must earn their living by doing productive work, they believe. These beliefs aren’t factual. They’re conditioned or taught, which is exactly what a conservative told Perry recently:

…Maybe it’s because i’ve been conditioned to believe a certain way or possibly my life experience has taught me to be cautious….

A good way to chart unknown territory with a conservative: appeal to their well-known territory (for the conservative). That is, talk about liberty. But not the way conservatives talk about it.

Liberty as you may know, is a major conservative talking point. But the kind of liberty (aka “freedom”) conservatives believe in is a kind of pseudo-freedom. It’s not really freedom as it is based on coercion: As far as conservatives believe, your freedom doesn’t extend to being a lazy parasite on society. Another way of putting that is: your freedom shouldn’t cost me or anyone else. So pull your own weight.

The response to this point is: “you’re right. And in the 21st Century no one’s freedom should cost anyone anything. This is the future. Everything is possible.”

· · ·

Perry likes offering this tasty morsel, which creates amazing moments that, at first, stupefies conservatives. But then leads to remarkable, real, conversations.

It begins with Perry’s definition of real freedom:

“A person who is really free can do nothing if that’s what they want to do. A person who wants to spend all their time learning to paint, play video games all day, or fish or whatever, can. And they can do those things (or anything else) without going hungry, living on the street, or getting care for their body (or mind) if necessary. If they’re free that is. They can also get all the education they need or want to learn or improve any skill while doing whatever they want without having to earn money to get those things. And…the person exercising their freedom can do so without anyone else having to do anything they don’t want to do to support that person.”

A definition like that will short circuit most people’s brains (conservative and progressive) namely because most people can’t figure out how this kind of freedom is possible. Perry explains how this is possible. Then shows how the world is careening towards exactly that outcome for everyone.

Your food for thought, therefore, must halt a conservative’s talking points in its tracks. It must get them genuinely thinking. Not spouting conservative boilerplate.

Another example: Perry was at a Starbucks recently. There he happened to sit in a nest of conservatives. That wasn’t his intent. It just happened.

One of the conservative’s asked “what do you do for a living?”

“I don’t do anything for a living,” Perry said.  “I don’t believe my living requires me to do anything.”

This conservative’s friend, Mary, piped in.

“So you’re a socialist,” She said.

“No. I’m not,” Perry said.

“Then what are you?” Mary asked.

Knowing Mary was likely a conservative, and therefore Christian (which she was) Perry said “I am what Jesus is.”

That derailed Mary’s train of thought. Now Mary had to ask a question likely not included in her talking points:

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“I am that I am,” Perry said.

The conversation turned to Christianity. Perry is not Christian, but he is well-versed on fundamental accuracies upon which Christianity’s distortions are based.

So he was able to form a connection with Mary through her religious beliefs. Then he turned the conversation towards Christian compassion. He was about to ask Mary if her compassion extends to immigrants and if not why not.

But Mary ran out of time (she had to catch a plane).

Still, you can see, by not getting baited into a debate about “socialism” and name calling, and instead connecting with something Mary held dear (her Christian beliefs), Perry found room in between Mary’s boilerplate about people who she prejudges as “socialists”.

You can do this too.

And not only will the conversations you have stun you in their originality, you’ll learn that underneath all that lashing out, anger and conservative closed-mindedness is a human being wanting to be understood and connected with.

That is the short answer to this entire approach. Giving conservatives what they want, so their minds open.

· · ·

If progressives really want the world they want, they must find a way to give conservatives what they want.

Until you know what that is, you can’t give it to them. And you can’t know unless you understand them. And, you can’t understand them unless you’re willing to talk with them.

And finally, if your approach is based on not understanding justified conservative fear that they’re losing everything, and that’s why they are lashing out, you’re going to have a hard time having a conversation with them.

Rancor in America and elsewhere can be mended. But you can’t expect conservatives to make the first step.

Someone has to though. That someone can be you. And this guide can help.

How To Find Your Perfect Partner

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You can have anything you want. Just realize how things happen in life, then follow that process.

A lot of people look for love in relationship. For many, that is illusive. But relationships, like everything else, are easy to get. So is love.

 

Everything Is Yours

You can have love you want with no effort on your part. Hard work is overrated. Especially in relationships. Digging through online profiles, going to bars and trying to find Mr. or Ms. “right” by swiping left, right or whatever are unnecessary steps.

By relaxing, having fun and enjoying life, you don’t have to do those things. Everything you want comes easily.

A friend of Perry’s wife demonstrated this over the last two years.  That she had no idea it was happening shows how easy it happens.

Following explains how the process works. After that, we’ll tell Susan’s story, which shows how the process worked for her. Along the way, we’ll clarify points you should know so you too can produce similar results.

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Artwork by the author

Getting everything you want is easy. Here’s how:

  1. Come to accept what you have. No matter how bad you think it may be, you have to find a way to accept it. More than that, you have to embrace it and appreciate it. It may not feel this way, but your current situation is working out in your best interest. That attitude makes you positively focused. Stay negatively focused – complaining, talking about or getting angry about what you have – and you get more of what you have.
  2. Pay attention to thoughts you receive that you aren’t thinking. Often, you receive thoughts you didn’t think. They feel like intrusions in your ordinary awareness. These are messages sent by your Larger Self. They come as suggestions, ideas, gut feelings.
  3. Follow the suggestion, ideas, gut feelings. Intrusive thoughts are inspirations. You’re supposed to follow them. It’s ok if you don’t, but if you do, life becomes far more interesting, spontaneous, fun and easy.
  4. Practice being happy as often as you can. By doing so you tell your reality that you want more happy experiences. Inspiration comes easier too.
  5. Even if you don’t do these five steps, you’ll end up using the process because it’s built-in to living. It literally is “life”.

Like we said, Susan is not aware of this process (Step five) yet it still worked for her. That means it can work for you. More so if used deliberately. So now, let’s overlay these steps on Susan’s experiences so you can see how they work in practice instead of just theory.

Crappy_Marriage blog
Artwork by the author

It began with a crappy marriage

Susan had been married many years. That marriage was crappy by Susan’s admission. Her divorce was even worse. Contentious and frustrating, it ended with her “wasband” getting the better deal. That’s because she was the “breadwinner”.

Every negative experience serves the experiencer. So, every negative experience in the end is positive. Susan’s crappy marriage helped her figure out what she wanted.

For one, she realized she didn’t want to be in a relationship where she lived in the same house with someone else. In other words, she enjoyed living alone, having her own space, not having someone always around, but also being in relationship.

That’s good to know when looking for a partner.

All through the divorce, Susan criticized her “wasband”. She complained about the divorce process, her lawyers, his lawyers. The more she complained, the more she had to complain about. Her ex fought her more and more.

He started doing vindictive things. Like slashing her tires and manipulating ways to keep her from their dogs. Perfect examples of Step One.

From time to time Perry’s wife told Susan about this process. Like many people though, Susan preferred experiential learning. She doesn’t like being told what to do.

Neither does Perry’s wife. 🙄

Soon Susan stopped complaining as much. She got tired of it. By the time her divorce was finished, she accepted the process. Step One: check.

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Artwork by the author

Inspiration Creates Evidence of “Better”

What Susan didn’t know was, her experiences with “wasband” helped her know things she wouldn’t have known had she not gone through them.

She knew she didn’t want another marriage. She knew she wanted her autonomy. And she knew what kind of relationship she wanted: one without the intertwined aspects of traditional relationships.

It was no surprise then what happened next.

A friend she knew when married turned into a boyfriend. Let’s call him Jake. Jake wasn’t a long-term perfect fit. But he was perfect for now. Meaning: he offered sexual intimacy, occasional company, friendship. Someone to hang out with, without commitment. Jake was also a known-entity. They knew each other for years. So it was easy to turn that friendship into more.

Jake was and is polyamorous. He was seeing other women. He didn’t tell Susan this until six months into their two-year relationship. Jake subscribes to a “don’t ask, don’t tell” relationship policy.

“If you don’t ask, I’m not going to tell you,” he says. Which is fine, if the other person knows this.

Susan didn’t know this. By the time she found out, she wasn’t happy about it.

She told Perry’s wife she really didn’t want to be in an open relationship. She didn’t like feeling “second fiddle” to who-knows-how-many other women who might be in Jake’s life.

But by the time she found out, it was too late. She had feelings for Jake.

There was more to Jake than Susan realized. Jake is fiercely independent, wicked smart, adventurous and a talented agitator/activist. He likes being his own person.

“I never ask people for anything,” he recently told Perry over tea. “Even if I have to go to a hospital. I’ll find a way to make it myself.”

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That independence spills into his relationships. Jake thrives in relationships he controls. No wonder he prefers polyamory. Multiple opportunities foster independence.

Jake’s independence tinted his relationship with Susan too. He decides when she could come over. He decides when he comes to her house. If he has a date with someone else, he is not available. In many respects, Susan’s access to Jake was at Jake’s discretion.

That worked great for Susan for a while. In time, though, she resented this. She felt the relationship was going one way: Jake’s way.

In Susan’s words recently: “I thought I’d like this non-monogamy thing a bit better if I were to participate in it fully.”

So she decided to do something. A “good for the goose” thing.

What she before resisted, she now was warming up to. So much so she too sought extra partners.

One day she got an idea: a profile on OKCupid. Step two: check!

“In retrospect, I did it shortly after discovering that [Jake] had another lover…” Susan said.

Meanwhile, Susan fell in love with Jake. Jake was in love too. What Susan at first tolerated now she enjoyed. Even given the imbalance. Step One again.

She enjoyed her freedom, her autonomy. She now liked Jake having options. And she looked forward to having her own options. Men she could see occasionally and casually too.

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Your reality is literally a piece of art. What are you creating? (artwork by the author)

Your Reality Is Under Your Control

You get what you’re ready for. The problem is, you’re never ready for something different than what you have, until you accept what you have. If you’re not happy with what you have, you can’t get what you want because you’re not ready for what you want. You’re complaining about what you have.

People think they know what happiness is. Happiness is not something that comes after getting what you want. Well, it does happen that way.

But it’s meant to be something you feel no matter what you’re experiencing. That’s because everything you experience serves your fulfillment. Yes, even what looks like negative experiences.

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Suffering is necessary until it’s not. So it is not a “fact” of life. (Pinterest)

When you figure that out, your life is your conscious design. This unconditional happiness is your painter’s palette. Because when you’re happy, no matter what you have, you are ready for having what matches how you feel, AKA your life’s masterpiece.

Making Room For Even More “Better”

As Susan found herself mostly happy in her open relationship, she made room in her life for more of what she wanted. That created what happened next.

For a while nothing significant happened on OKC. She says she met three guys. She enjoyed meeting them. Otherwise, She said, the process was “drudgery”.

This is why we don’t support using dating websites. They can work. But they frequently don’t. In the meantime, they conjure too much negativity (frustration, impatience i.e. resistance to what is). That stretches out the time it takes to get what you want. It’s far better to be happy, enjoy your life and follow your intuition. Meeting your match that way is a happy, natural, surprising and enjoyable process.

Online dating for most people isn’t happy, natural or enjoyable.

Like many people though, Susan learned to accept the drudgery. Again, Step One.

That’s when one profile “stood out,” she said. “OKC estimated 99% compatibility, and I liked his photos and what he’d written.”

She was referring to this guy Susan brought to a small friends gathering. Let’s call him Carl.

They had almost everything in common. They finished each others’ sentences…laughed at the same things…it was like they had been together for years.

Carl wanted a monogamous relationship from the get-go. He said so in his profile. Susan’s profile didn’t say that. But Carl liked what Susan offered so much, he compromised.

This happens a lot. Insecure people compromise their ideas because they think they need to to get what they want.

That’s never the case. But impatience is a powerful thing. As is insecurity. When people can’t be patient they compromise. In compromising, the path leading to what they really want lengthens.

It’s not a problem because every experience is helpful. You’re also eternal, so you have plenty of lifetimes to get what you want. But if you exercise patience and follow the process above, what you want comes faster.

Time for a mental health break:

Susan Finds Freedom In Openness

Welcome back.

Carl fell in love with Susan instantly, he says. And why not? She’s lovable!

Interestingly, Carl’s relationship behaviors contrasted Jake’s. Some would say this was coincidence. But it wasn’t. It resulted from everything Susan experienced up to then.

Carl wanted collaboration in relationship. While he didn’t like so much sharing Susan with others, he didn’t resist it. Not at first. Meanwhile, Jake got more controlling when he found out Susan had another lover. His insecurities, dormant while he controlled the relationship, now surfaced. This was a good thing. His insecurities invited everyone involved to become better versions of themselves. Carl included!

For example, both men had toothbrushes in Susan’s bathroom. Jake’s was in the toothbrush holder. Carl’s in the drawer. Carl imagined (rightly) Susan was hiding from Jake the fact that Carl sometimes spent the night. That chafed Carl.

Carl’s feelings were petty. So were Susan’s intentions. Susan was trying to protect Jake. To keep from triggering Jake’s insecurities. That strategy backfired. It only made both men more insecure and her frustrated.

She found both men’s insecurities unattractive. But she also enjoyed it. Through something she initially didn’t like at first (an open relationship), Susan found empowerment and freedom and choice and options.

In other words: Everything her marriage didn’t offer.

 

Insecurity Boils Over

One night Carl put his foot down.

He said he wanted monogamy with Susan. That surprised her. She had been clear from day one that’s not what she wanted. One day, Perry’s wife reminded Susan that two years ago a monogamous relationship was exactly what she wanted.

But Susan grew happy with her current situation (being in an open relationship). That’s step one. She missed step two, but the process still worked because she followed her inspiration posting an OKCupid profile (Step three).

And now she faced a new reality. One she wanted two years ago. Carl represented a great match: intellectually, physically and more. They really liked each other too.

Susan didn’t remember wanting monogamy two years ago. And yet, here she was, getting everything she wanted. Freedom. Choice. Two good men who both loved her, that she both loved. And an opportunity for monogamy.

Susan Got Everything, And Then Some. So Can You.

Intrigued with Carl’s request, she told Jake. Jake got even more insecure. Angry in fact that Susan was considering a monogamous relationship with someone else. Of course, he didn’t want to be in a monogamous relationship. He wanted what he had: his cake (Susan) and the opportunity to eat other cake.

But let’s look at what Susan created. In two years her life matched every desire she wanted.

  • She put her marriage behind her
  • She found a relationship that worked immediately after the divorce
  • That relationship brought interesting experiences, growth, adventure
  • She followed her inspiration
  • That lead to meeting Carl, a perfect match
  • Now she has not only an open relationship, but an opportunity for a closed one too!

In other words, Susan is getting everything she wants. And then some. Even though she didn’t realize what was happening.

Like we say, the process works for everyone. Even those unaware of it.

· · ·

Today, Susan is negotiating the best of both worlds. She loves both Carl and Jake. Both represent different desires she’s had over two years. Both men love her. Both offer different things. In other words, Susan is enjoying her love life as it brings her plenty of pleasure, adventure, love and more.

You can have your version of the same thing: plentiful experiences where what you want comes easily. It all starts with realizing you have a larger you from which to live your life. Then finding ways that connect you to that.

Life doesn’t have to be hard or a struggle. Love doesn’t either. And neither is, when you follow life’s really simple process.

When will you start?

How To Read Successful People’s Success Stories

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Photo: Clark Tibbs On Unsplash

There are so many people out there offering success recipes.

Facebook, YouTube and other social media advertisement services opened the flood gates. Now, anyone with a success story and some digital tools can hawk their “proven” success tips.

Then there are the “Uber Successsful.”

Millions follow Uber Successfuls, with stardom in their eyes. They want wealth, happiness, the good life. Celebrity.

Anthony Robbins, Gary Vaynerchuk, Arnold Schwarzenegger and many others, offer how their hard work, persistence and vision made them successful.

You can do what they did, they say…

But…

Successfuls, both minor and major camouflage how easy success really is. They don’t do it on purpose. So if you want success, listen to these people. But first, learn how to read their stories.

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Photo: Annie Spratt On Unsplash

Successfuls don’t understand the “how” of their success. That’s why their recipes emphasize what’s irrelevant and downplay success’ ingredients.

Learn to read the typical success story though, and you unlock real doors to success. Like successful people promise.

· · ·

Take Arnold Schwarzenegger. Everyone knows his success. Watch this video, seen many millions of times across the internet. In it, Arnold distills his success to five essential rules.

Fortunately, none of the rules he offers made him successful. Want Arnold’s success? Let’s distill what really happened.

Generally, successful people like Arnold suggest specific action. Action you must take to get results. Actions they say will make you successful. While focusing on action, they gloss over the secrets. Secrets all successful people use (and we do mean all).

The reason they don’t speak plain about them? Most aren’t aware what they are. They call them “lucky breaks”, or “chance” or “fortunate events”.

A few come close, but miss, attributing success to “God”.

The rest ascribe 80-90 percent of their success to their hard work, their actions, what they knew or who they knew. They assign 20 percent, or less, to “luck”.

Here’s what’s remarkable about that: it’s the opposite.

Ninety percent or more of their success was “luck”. Effort represents a minuscule percentage.

That means, your success depends on “luck” too.

· · ·

Here’s the good news: It’s not luck.

Success happens via direct, deliberate easy-to-use processes. Processes you control. Processes Successfuls use. That means, any outcome you want is possible.

You don’t need luck. You only need to know the processes. Then you can manufacture “luck” at will.

More good news: It’s impossible not to be successful. That’s because you already know how the processes work. You’ve only temporarily forgotten.

(photo of person thinking)

You listened to the video. Notice Arnold ascribing all his success to his five rules? Notice his casual references about where luck mattered?

Probably not. But we did. Let’s recap.

How Arnold’s Success (And Every Other Success) Really Happens

At 00:25, Arnold introduces his success “rules”. These rules, he says, work for anyone. “Rules” imply things you must do. They also imply things you must not do (don’t break the rules).

Don’t follow the rules, Arnold says.  You won’t be successful. Or happy!

But life doesn’t work that way. You are eternal. It’s not possible to “not be successful”.

Eternity has no finish line. You always get do overs. There’s a second chance, a third, a fourth, fifth, sixth…etc., on through eternity.

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Every next moment is a change to start anew.  (Meme: By the author)

 

But when you think “oh boy, there are RULES I’m going to have to follow?” that lengthens your success path.

There are no rules you must follow.

At around 00:38, Arnold describes Rule #1: “Find” your vision and follow it.

Have no vision or goal, he says, and you’ll drift around and not be happy.

Arnold says, if you don’t “find” your vision, you’re lost. But he doesn’t explain “how” to find your vision. Maybe he didn’t have time to explain. Perhaps he doesn’t know how.

Visions or goals aren’t something you “find”. You can’t help but have them! Life experiences evoke from within you unending desires. THOSE ARE YOUR VISIONS. Arnold describes this, but not in his rules. Instead he buries it in his life story.

Though Life Experience Visions Are Automatic

After Germany and Austria’s defeat in World War II, Arnold wanted escape. He wanted out of war-torn Europe. That was his first vision! His first goal. Did he have to “find” it?

No!

His life experience drew it from him.

That’s how your life works. From your experiences you birth visions and dreams. Visions sometime feel like dislikes. Arnold disliked Austria. He wanted to escape. That was his vision. He didn’t need to find it!

Arnold’s rule number one is wrong. There’s no “finding” your vision. They come automatically.

Yet, less than a minute into his speech, Arnold reveals secret number one. At 00:54 after knowing he wanted to escape, he “luckily” watched a documentary about America.

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Arnold Giving up the secrets. You always know Successfuls share  real secrets when they use keywords such as “luck” or “fortunate”. (Photo credit: YouTube/Goalcast)

Was this luck?

If it was, then you’re screwed.

Because luck only happens to the lucky!

Good news: it wasn’t luck! This is how life works for everyone.

Arnold had life experience. Life experience clarified his vision. Get out of Austria. But he didn’t know how or “to where”. His Broader Perspective did though. His Broader Perspective arranged his life to include the documentary. It was not “luck”. The film showed up on purpose.

It’s likely Arnold doesn’t know he has a Broader Perspective. So instead of giving credit where it’s due, he called it “luck”.

When successful people tell success stories, keep listening for keywords like “luck”. When they use such words, they’re giving up secrets. Their secrets are not actions, advice or rules you must follow.

Only one thing makes you successful: lining up with you Broader Perspective. It is arranging your success all the time. Your Broader Perspective always speaks to you. Most of the time, you’re not listening…Successful people find a way to listen.

Successful people would have no stories to tell without Broader Perspective’s involvement.

· · ·

Ask any successful person you know if they could predict when, where and from whom these “lucky breaks” would happen. Every person will say “no”. Human awareness is too small to know.  It’s too small to arrange billions of events, and resources becoming your life. Including people who’s ideas will benefit you. Ideas those people haven’t even had yet!

Trippy, right?

All this is beyond normal human perception. Right up until such events become reality. But it’s child’s play for your Broader Perspective.

After seeing the documentary, Arnold “knew that is exactly where I wanted to end up” he says. Young Arnold got excited. “Excited” is an emotion. Emotions tell you you’re on your way to success. That’s their purpose.

Arnold was on his success path. He felt positive, excited. All he had to do now was keep following his vision as it evolved. Broader Perspective would do the heavy lifting (pun intended). It would create one event after another.

When strung together, Arnold would find himself successful.

It’s that easy. It’s so easy, you can do it.

So did Arnold have to “find” the vision of “ending up in America”? Nope. Then why do you?

Next, he asked “how will I get there?” The answer already existed. His Broader Perspective already held the experience “ending up in America”. It already had shaped many paths leading to America. Paths including people who could help Arnold get there.

It didn’t matter Arnold didn’t know how he would get there. Just by asking the question, he matched his Broader Perspective’s “knowing”.

What happened next reveals another secret having nothing to do with Arnold’s effort.

At 1:09, Arnold says: “…One day I was fortunate enough to see a bodybuilding magazine…” In the magazine, he says, he read an article about Reg Park, a former Mr. Universe.

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Arnold’s second clue. The keyword “fortunate” always points to knowledge, the speaker is unware they have. (Photo: YouTube/Goalcast)

“Fortunate” is another keyword. When Successfuls uses this word, perk up. Here’s what they’re saying. “I don’t know how the heck this happened, but it made me successful, so pay attention, I’m telling you the secret”.

Arnold couldn’t get himself out of Austria on his own. He had no idea “how”. He had no money. No one did. He had no idea “where” he’d go.

But his Broader Perspective had answers to how and who and where. The documentary, then Reg Park were answers Arnold wanted.

Arnold got inspired. He felt excitement. In his excitement, he primed the next major event. The more positively focused you are, the quicker things happen.

At 01:22 Arnold says “I read the article as fast as I could”. Park’s success boosted Arnold’s enthusiasm. You could say Park and Arnold share the same nonphysical origins. Park’s experience pointed the way for Arnold’s ambitions. Through Park’s example, Arnold realized his own path.

Life works like this for everyone. It is not luck. It is not fortune. It is not random. You have life experience. It spurs desire. Broader Perspective makes it real at once.

You don’t experience that realness as immediate as your Broader Perspective. Why?

Because desires become real slower in physical reality than in nonphysical. In nonphysical, things become things immediately.

It’s a good thing it’s different here. Too much crazy stuff would happen otherwise. But that’s another story.

Just know that your success happens exactly as Arnold’s. Not successful yet? You will be, after you learn how do to what Arnold did. Not what he says he did. What he actually did.

In other words, no rules.

Arnold describes Park “all of a sudden” landing “in Rome. He’s doing Hercules movies” after training and winning Mr. Universe.

But Park’s success (and Arnold’s) didn’t happen “all of a sudden”. It happened over time. “All of a sudden” is a keyword phrase. During that time, did Park or Arnold work hard? Struggle? Sacrifice? We don’t know about Park.

But that’s how Arnold describes it. If you watch Arnold’s training footage, however, you would see he wasn’t working hard.

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Note the yellow box. Arnold acknowledges his “hard work” and “struggle” “didn’t matter”. (Photo: YouTube/Goalcast)

More likely, he was enjoying it. That’s how he explains it. But you must listen carefully.

At 2:04 he says hard work wasn’t part of the equation. Nor struggle. “It didn’t matter” he said. Why? Because he found his passion. Meaning: he knew he was on his path.

· · ·

Let’s summarize so far. Here are the first steps to everyone’s success:

  1. Your desires, automatically surface through life experience. These are your visions/goals.
  2. Now you know what you want. That moment, your Broader Perspective becomes that. It then sends you clues via intuition, events and circumstances spurring your desire. It’s never full blown desire fulfillment. It’s bread crumbs on a path.

Watch Arnold’s speech again. See if you can ignore Arnold’s rules. Instead, tune in to keywords in his story. Keywords indicating how Arnold (and every successful person) unknowingly reveals real secrets. Secrets so secret, even Successfuls don’t know them. Even though they share them.

Arnold’s “rules” had nothing to do with his success.

Speed Builds As Success Gets Bigger

Later in his speech, Arnold’s early successes inspire even bigger desires. He’s had some success. He’s feeling confident. So he shoots for bigger dreams.

At 2:30 he talks about being another John Wayne. But he wouldn’t be able to have had that grand vision had he not started with his smaller one: leaving war-torn Austria.

That dream got fulfilled when he first saw the documentary, then read the magazine. By then, he knew how (follow Park’s example) and where (go to America).

So Arnold didn’t follow Rule #2: Never ever think small. He thinks he followed it, but his first thought wasn’t huge. It wasn’t “become the next John Wayne.” It was “get out of Austria.”

Not “become the next Mr. Universe”.

Not “Become a movie star”.

Just: get out of Austria. Where? “I don’t know!” How? “I don’t know, I just want to escape!”

When you have a small goal, it’s just as big as a big goal, because small goals lead to bigger ones. You don’t have to start with a big one. Start where you are.

Arnold didn’t have a big goal to start. He started where he was.

You don’t have to have big dreams.

Next we come to Arnold’s Rule #3: ignore the naysayers.

Arnold didn’t follow this rule either. He did listen. Why do you think he took english classes, accent removal classes, diction classes…

Meanwhile Arnold’s Broader Perspective delivers what Arnold calls “a little break”.

But it actually was a massive real-ization: a part in a TV show.

That part lead to Pumping Iron, which made Arnold niche famous.

Then Stay Hungry came.

By this time, Arnold’s dreams blossomed more and more. The more real they got, the happier and more confident Arnold got. Arnold’s attention turned to bigger and more exciting dreams and desires. How? His dreaming capacity increased with each previously fulfilled goal.

Again, that’s how life works.

Conan The Barbarian: The Big Break

Then came Conan The Barbarian. Let’s talk about Conan the Barbarian, something Arnold calls “the big break”.

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The Epic Conan Poster.

 

Arnold says it came “finally”. As though he had been waiting a long time.

But he’s not recognizing every fulfilled desire preceding this famous movie. Each fulfilled desire made the next possible. Fulfilled dreams come in succession. Not in a Big Bang.

Conan was impossible before Stay Hungry. Stay Hungry: impossible before Pumping Iron. Pumping Iron: impossible before that TV role. All Arnold’s acting, impossible before his preparation. His preparation, impossible before winning Mr. Universe. Winning Mr. Universe, impossible were it not for Reg Park and the magazine article. The magazine article, impossible before the documentary. The documentary, impossible before wanting to escape. Wanting to escape, impossible before the aftermath of WWII.

A long series of manifestations, one leading to the other, made Conan The Barbarian possible. Including events having nothing to do with Arnold.

That’s important!

First, there had to be a Conan The Barbarian concept. Original Conan stories were first published in 1932. That’s fifteen years before Arnold was even born (1947)!

The Conan stories then had to become comic books. They started out as fantasy stories. Not comic books.

Frank Frazetta, a famous fantasy artist, was born in 1928. Well before Arnold could have known about Reg Park. Frazetta’s art became famous. According to Wikipedia, “His interpretation of Conan visually redefined the genre of sword and sorcery, and had an enormous influence on succeeding generations of artists.”

In other words, Frazetta’s art boosted Conan’s mystique.

Somewhere along the line, the Conan fantasy inspired a future movie director. All these events happened well before Arnold started acting!

See?

Many events, inspirations, sparks of imaginations. Imaginations happening well before Arnold was born!

Then, came Arnold’s tiny dream: Get heck out of Austria.

Conan was monumental. Note how Arnold describes it. We’re pasting his verbatim commentary so you can read it without the video. It’s thrilling:

“…You know what was so interesting about it was the director said that at the press conference, if we wouldn’t have had Schwarzenegger with those muscles, we would have had to build one.”

Then, about Terminator:

“James Cameron said, the “I’ll be back” line became the most famous movie lines in history because of Arnold’s crazy accent because he sounded like a machine!”

Here’s what we wrote before about these kinds of events. Events organized by your Broader Perspective:

“When your Broader Perspective organizes events in your life, it works with other people’s Broader Perspectives. Your Broader Perspective has your best interests in mind. Other people’s Broader Perspectives have your interests in mind too. And vice versa. So when a person shows up in your life, they agreed, through their Broader Perspective, to be there. In being there, they get what they are wanting. Even as you get what you want. Everyone in any situation gets the same thing: what they want.  There are no exceptions to this.”

That director’s Broader Perspective, and James Cameron’s Broader Perspective, Frank Frazetta’s Broader Perspective, Reg Park’s Broader Perspective….were and are working with Arnold’s Broader Perspective. Such coordination got/is getting everyone what they wanted/want.

Did you get a little shiver down your spine, or goose bumps across your body?

That’s your Broader Perspective agreeing with us. Because what we’re sharing with you is 100 percent accurate. You have control over this process. Let’s review the steps adding steps three and four:

  1. Your desires surface through life experience. These are your visions/goals. It’s automatic.
  2. Now you know what you want. That moment, your Broader Perspective becomes that. It then sends you clues via intuition, events and circumstances spurring more desire. It’s never full blown desire fulfillment. It’s bread crumbs on a path.
  3. You must now merge with your Broader Perspective. You’ll then hear clues and perceive event chains. These event chains are desires fulfilled over time. How do you know you’re merged? You are positively focused. You are happy, appreciative, joyful, excited, inspired. All these tell you you’re merged.
  4. Watch what happens. Celebrate when desires get fulfilled, then move back to step one.

These basic steps make all Successfuls successful. Your success equals anyone on any stage telling you about their success. Working hard isn’t required.

You only need to do what they did. Not what they say they did.

Your success may not look like Arnold’s, or any other’s success. Your life is unique. You’re not here succeed like others. You’re here to succeed in your way.

Successful people don’t share secrets of their success directly. That’s because they don’t know the secrets. Instead they talk about what they did. They encourage you to do what they did. They don’t tell you it’s not about doing. Success is about being. Being merged with your Broader Perspective.

That’s the secret.

Now you know. Now you can listen to their experiences, tune out the irrelevant 10 percent. Then tune in the 90 percent that made them successful.

Pain endurance: unnecessary.

Everything Arnold did, he did because he wanted to. He enjoyed it. Here’s why he says otherwise. Like many successful people, he doesn’t understand how he got success. Instead he justifies his success. How? By saying he found his vision, worked his ass off, didn’t listen to anyone and endured pain. Performing altruism is a nice touch. But as you know, many successful people become altruistic after succeeding.

None of those things made him successful.

What made him successful were “lucky” breaks, big and small. Those and “fortunate” events impossible to arrange on his own.

Those events his Broader Perspective arranged. Yours can too.

We invite you to listen again to Arnold’s story. Or any successful person’s story. See if you can tune out the rules. Tune out what they said they did, and listen to the 90 percent their Broader Perspective did for them.

Arnold’s story is inspiring. But ignore his advice. Learn to read his story correctly. Hear the “hidden message” to turn inward. Listen to your own Broader Perspective. Merge with it. Then chart your own delightful path.

How? By staying positively focused.

Need more help? That’s why we’re here.

Why The Easiest Way To Happiness Is First Being Happy

Arnolds wrong blog
Arnold thinks you need to work your ass off. He’s wrong. (Art credit: The author)

Modern life says, if you want something you should set a vision. Next, set goals and objectives, put them on a timeline and track your progress. If you work your ass off, struggle and get lucky, you succeed.

None of that is necessary.

Many mainstream leaders, motivational speakers and successful people encourage these steps. But you can have anything you want easier than that.

And, you don’t have lose any of your ass. 😜

The easiest way to getting anything you want is by being happy.

That sounds crazy, we know.

Most mainstream leaders, motivational speakers and successful people didn’t become successful by being happy.

They can only tell you how they did it. Theirs is the hard way.

Yet, nearly everyone tries finding success that way. Rather than trying a different, better way. Their way works. But it’s no fun. And success isn’t guaranteed.

Happiness brings success 100 percent of the time. You don’t need luck. You needn’t work hard.

You only need to know three things:

  1. Why feeling happy works
  2. How to use happiness and,
  3. What the purpose of happiness is.

“There’s a purpose to happiness?”

You bet.

Ask someone next to you what is the purpose of happiness. Likely they won’t have a good answer. They will say happiness is an emotion. They may say it doesn’t have a purpose. Or that happiness makes you feel good. Some will say they don’t know.

Some even steer you away from happiness.

The purpose of happiness blog
Almost 135,000 claps. A lot of people don’t know what purpose happiness serves. (Photo: Medium.com)

Yet your emotional capacity is purposeful. Powerful too. Your emotional capacity is the most powerful tool you have.

Once you understand its purpose, if you make being happy your number one priority, everything you want comes quickly, easily, and in great numbers.

Some people poo-poo happiness because they don’t understand its power. We’ll explain how and why happiness is so powerful later. We’ll even show you how to use happiness to get anything you want.

But first, check out how Perry realized several dreams at once, just by being happy.

 

How Perry Gets What He Wants Without Goal Setting, Working Hard Or Losing His Ass

Perry fell in love with sailing three summers ago. It started with a class he took on an impulse. He loved his first time on a sail boat. The sails grabbed the wind. The wind pushed the boat over on its side as it increased speed. Invigorating!

That first experience begat a new dream. How cool would it be, he thought, exploring the world this way?

Perry had no sailing experience. Only one class. That didn’t matter though. He knew others sailing around the world today. Families, couples, even single people are doing it. Some didn’t have experience when they started either. Many taught themselves.

How hard could it be?

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It’s sailing. How hard can it be? (Photo: By Bcebul – Own work, CC BY-SA 4.0)

Besides, Perry thought, he has his Inner Being. It has access to all knowledge. It knows where everything Perry wants is. And it knows how to lead him to it.

Another question people can’t answer is what’s Earth’s purpose? Does it have a purpose? Or is it a random result of chance?

Earth exists on purpose. It’s here so you can come, refine your interests from Earth’s massive variety. Then live those interests to the fullest extent imaginable.  Aided by your Broader Perspective, the universe and All That Is, your time on Earth can include any experience.

Perry knows this. So when his first sailing class finished that summer, sailing around the world became something he wanted. But he set no goals or timelines. Instead, he knew being happy would bring him what he wanted.

· · ·

Perry joined the sailing club that hosted his class. That gave him a year to practice sailing using the club’s boats. But he couldn’t sail them alone. He didn’t have enough experience.

He needed a sailing partner. It so happened he met a guy in class who also fell in love with sailing. His name was Jarrett.

Jarrett Blog
Jarrett aboard a training sailboat. (Photo by the author)

When you’re happy, not only do you not have to set intentions and goals, but all resources you need literally come to you. Including people.

These people’s Broader Perspectives put them on your path because your path lines up with theirs. Your Broader Perspective and their Broader Perspective coordinate events, matching people and resources. Such nonphysical communication happens all the time. That’s how events become events.

Including events comprising your life. So long as you don’t muck up the process, your life experience is a wonderful joyride. Being happy is how you keep from mucking up the process.

· · ·

Jarrett and Perry became friends. But Jarrett didn’t have money for a club membership.

No problem, Perry thought. Jarrett could be my guest. Here’s a video Perry took with Jarrett on a club boat cruising on the beautiful Columbia River.

For the next year, Perry and Jarrett’s friendship deepened. Turns out, Jarrett shares Perry’s life convictions. He too believes people create their reality and that life is meant to be fun. Jarrett works as a contract sound engineer. Like Perry, his time is his. He doesn’t have to be at a job every day. So he has a lot of free time.

Note the combination of people and events here: Jarrett’s time flexibility afforded by his occupation; Jarrett and Perry’s mutual beliefs; Both men taking the same class, at the same time. These illustrate how thoroughly your Broader Perspective organizes events on your behalf leaving out no detail.

How hard do you think it would have been for Perry organize this on his own? Finding someone who likes to sail, who has the time to spend sailing, who can pay for the class and believes the same thing he does? That would be no small feat.

But it’s a cinch for your Broader Perspective.

This is why people who don’t understand happiness believe they must struggle, work hard and set goals. That’s what you must do when you don’t know about your Broader Perspective. You’re on your own. On your own, you don’t have the resources nor the connections. That’s why you need luck and hard work.

 

Comparison Contains The Seeds Of Unhappiness.

One day, three months later, Jarrett arrived with news. Out of the blue, his uncle, a successful orthopedic surgeon, gave him a sailboat. A San Juan 7.7. Jarrett’s uncle bought the boat more than 20 years ago. He never sailed it. It sat in a barn all that time.

Jarrett was excited. He didn’t know his uncle had a boat. Let alone a sail boat. Knowing what he knows, Jarrett knew this was his Broader Perspective at work.  With no effort, Jarrett, who had never sailed in his life, now owned his own sail boat!

Now, Perry could have been excited too. But he wasn’t.

Outwardly he was happy for Jarrett. But inside, he was jealous.

Jarrett went on and on about his boat. About how it was equipped. Modifications his uncle added.  Modifications he wanted to do.  He was so excited.

Perry wasn’t excited.

He was thinking about how it must be to be white. How it must be to have a successful family. He wanted to be happy for his friend. But the more Jarrett talked about this damn boat, the less fun Perry was having. Even though it was a perfect day for sailing.

Perry was mucking up the process! How? By comparing his life to Jarrett’s!

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Comparing your life with another’s is never a good idea (Photo: Feliperizo-co-heart-made on Unsplash)

When you compare your life to someone you perceive has it better than you, unhappiness happens. Good news is, turning comparison’s unhappiness into happiness is easy. If you catch it early, that is.

So comparison can be beneficial. Feelings comparison conjures can serve as alerts. Like alerts, they can jolt you from habitual, indeliberate thinking.

Perry felt awful thinking about Jarrett’s “white privilege”. White privilege, while real, is not something you want to think about if you’re not white. Thinking about someone’s white privilege when you’re not white guarantees unhappiness.

Even if you are white, thinking about your white privilege can cause unhappiness. That’s why most white people don’t think about it!

Perry knew this of course. What he didn’t know was everything was working out perfectly for him, and for Jarrett. There were plenty pleasant surprises ahead.

But first, things were going to get “worse”.

Jarrett on Achilles I blog
Jarrett onboard Achilles I at dry dock. (Photo by the author)

The world around you is your subjective life experience. Your life experience comprises a stream of one accretion event after another.

These events look like random compositions of people, circumstances, objects and experiences strung together in a certain timing. Your string of accretion events over time is your life.

Events, circumstances, people and objects in your life aren’t random. These planned events seem random. But they’re not. Who is planning them? And how are they planned?

You plan them. You do so using two simultaneous processes. One is what you look at.  The other is what you think about what you look at.

Look at happy things or think happy thoughts. You’ll feel happy. What you’re looking at and thinking about organizes future accretion events matching current ones. Your life will fill with more and more happy events, people and circumstances.

Look at unhappy things or think unhappy thoughts. You won’t feel happy. What you’re looking at and thinking about organizes future accretion events matching current ones. Your life will fill with more and more events, people and circumstances like what you observe.

So, you decide what events, people, situations and circumstances become your experience. You know which ones are coming by how you feel and what you predominately look at and think about.

That’s how you create your life. No one else is doing it. You’re here to create a joyful life, filled with experiences you want to have. But nearly everyone doesn’t live that way, do they?

Why? Because they don’t know what you now know.

Instead, they live life not knowing their feelings are important. They think feelings just come and go. They think they’re responses to what happens in the world. That’s not what they are. That’s not what they’re doing. They are part of processes that create what’s in the world.

· · ·

Emotions are navigational instruments. They help create your life. Like any instrument, they give you information. The information tells you what you’re creating.

Kent Pilcher on Unsplash blog
Your emotions are navigational instruments. Like this aircraft instrument panel, emotions tell you where you are in relation to your desires: Towards them or away from them. (Photo: Kent Pilcher on Unsplash)

Sometimes your accretion event path includes what feels like negative events. Like feeling jealous because a white guy got a free boat, and you got nothin’. That may feel unpleasant. It may infuriate you. It may cause you to fight for justice.

But “unpleasant” is not encouraging you to fight for anything. It’s offering important navigational information.

Altimeter
Happiness works just like this altimeter. (Photo: FAA public domain)

Say you are flying an airplane one thousand feet in the air. The altimeter (pictured right), which tells you how high above the ground you are, indicates you are descending at a rate of 400 feet a minute.

That means in two minutes thirty seconds, you will crash into the ground.

That’s something you’d want to know, right? Knowing that, you’d probably do something about that. Right? Would you fight for lowering the ground or raising the sky? Of course not.

In the same way “unpleasant” is your instrument giving you actionable information. Perry knows this. He’s been practicing reading his “instrument panel”, the emotions he feels moment by moment. He understands what they mean.

Today, two and a half years after this story, he’s almost mastered acting instantly to his instruments. Experiences in this story helped Perry get where he is now.

The point is, experiences labeled “bad”, “negative”, “unfortunate”, “bad luck”, etc. are never that. They are always good. They are part of the adventure, practice opportunities.

These experiences teach how to read your instruments so you can “fly” through a life full of your best dreams, realized.

Ayko Neil Kehl on Unsplash blog
You can fly through your life with ease. No hard work or struggle. (Photo: Ayko Neil Kehl on Unsplash)

Back to Perry.

So Perry realized he was at a “you create your reality” cross roads.

On one hand, he felt opportunity. He knew he was the on the path of eventually sailing around the world. If he stayed positive, he’d have many adventures of a lifetime.

On the other hand, and at the exact same time, he felt jealous and bitter comparing his life with Jarrett’s.

But here’s the thing: this path would also culminate in many adventures of a lifetime.

Note that. Both paths leading to the same outcome. Both paths an adventure.

The only difference is the second path takes longer than the first.

Perry’s negative feelings were not because of Jarrett’s supposed White Privilege.  At that moment, and many that followed, Perry “faced” both potential paths simultaneously. In that moment, the second path was more probable by the first. How could he tell? By how he felt.

In other words, Perry’s beliefs about disadvantage, “Institutional Racism”, and “White Privilege”, vied with beliefs that Perry can have anything he wants any time he is ready. He could choose any belief. At that moment, he wasn’t choosing the second.

Why? It’s simple. The first ones were more practiced, that’s all.

The more you think a thought or believe a belief, the more influence it has on future life events. The good news is, at any time a thinker or believer can change how they think or believe.

Perry’s anguish was saying: there’s a shorter path! A more fun path! It’s the happy path!

Believing you can have anything you want whenever you’re ready is empowering. Believing your life experiences are limited because of your skin color is not. Both create life experiences consistent with themselves!

Looking back Perry gets it. As we’re writing this through his fingers, he sees how beneficial that moment and the following ones were.

But like many people, most people actually, Perry didn’t make a bold, clear choice. Instead, he waffled between anguish and a measly happiness. Perry stayed in this conflicted space a long time. For months. What happened next illustrates everything you’ve read so far.

 

Jesus Is Right: You Reap What You Sow. But You’re Never Stuck With It.

Perry’s club membership expired. Jarrett and Perry couldn’t use the club’s boats anymore. But they weren’t worried. Jarrett told Perry once he got “Achilles I” prepped and had it in the water, they’d resume their adventure.

Imagine the mixed bag Perry felt about that!

On one hand, it was wonderful. Had Perry went with that, the next year would have been different. Instead he went with the other hand. 😜

On the other hand, Perry would get to sail, sure. But every time he set foot on “Achilles I”, he’d be reminded about….well…you know.

Then something interesting happened.

Jarrett disappeared.

He wasn’t abducted. He wasn’t murdered. Perry didn’t now what happened. For the next eight months, Perry tried to reach Jarrett. Summer came and went. So did prime sailing weather. He left Jarrett text messages, emails.

Nothing. Of course, Perry thought the worst.

He made Jarrett’s lack of communication about him and Jarrett. He thought Jarrett had used him and his membership to sharpen his sailing skills. Now that he had his own boat, he didn’t need Perry any more. 🙄 🤷🏽‍♂️

He imagined Jarrett sailing with his friends. His white friends. He imagined that boat being amazing and he being left out. And, as you can imagine, this thinking left him in emotional turmoil.

giphy
From Giphy

Here’s what was really going on: Perry’s negative thinking orchestrated accretion events matching the negative thinking. But only for Perry. Jarrett absent for who knows why. Perry in the dumps. No membership meant no boats. No Jarrett also meant no boat. No boat meant no sailing.

After many months, Perry finally did something about his thoughts and beliefs.  Using this process he relieved himself of negative thoughts and beliefs about “White Privilege”. The more insignificant they became, the more clarity he gained.

He also gave up criticizing and feeling sorry for himself. He did journal work examining more thoughts and beliefs. In a little while he remembered everything is always working out for him. And he knew in time all this was going to turn out perfectly.

That’s exactly what happened.

One day Jarrett texted. Turns out his dad had a stroke and needed a lot of care. His family needed his help. His dad survived. But he wasn’t the same.

Jarrett and his dad blog
Jarrett and his dad sailing Achilles I. (Photo by the author)

Perry felt like a cad. Remember what we wrote about emotions! They are indicators, like an altimeter. “Feeling like a cad” is an indicator. That’s all. It was telling Perry he could feel differently about things. He only needed to think different.

· · ·

Your Broader Perspective has a bird’s eye view of your life. It knows everything you want and how to get it. It knows there are many paths to what you want.

You don’t have this perspective. You’re human. But you can access your Broader Perspective’s viewpoint. How do you know you’ve done that?

When you feel happy. Happy is the indicator.

Here’s what was great about Jarrett “disappearing”: It gave Perry time revise old disempowering beliefs. Beliefs that slow progress or lengthen the path.

Remember! You can’t live happily if you’re comparing, complaining or entertaining beliefs like “White Privilege” and “Institutional Racism”.

Yet, these things are real. But do they serve you thinking about them? Are you happy thinking about them? No one is. And if you’re not happy, you’re taking the long way. Like Perry was.

So Perry and Jarrett reconnected.  Jarrett said Achilles I was at a boat yard. He invited Perry to see it. What happened next was perfect.

 

The Grass LOOKS Greener But It Never Really Is

Boat out of barn blog
Ye ol’ Achilles I on the trailer ready to move. (Photos of Achilles by Jarrett)

We did write that the boat was free, right?

Free and over 20 years old.

Achilles I wasn’t a ready-to-sail beauty. It needed a lot of work. When Perry saw it, he immediately felt better. He was also glad he was not in Jarrett’s shoes. Achilles I’s sails housed mice for 20 years. They were chewed through, pissed on and pooped on. There were holes and repairs needed in the fiberglass hull. The electronics were kaput. Even the engine needed work.

Getting this boat for free seemed like an envy worthy event. Seeing it in person, Perry saw it much different. He had no responsibility, expense or worry about getting Achilles I ready to sail. But he still got to sail in it.

One day in the boat yard Perry confessed how he’d been thinking about all this.  “It’s ok buddy,” Jarrett said. “I want you to sail with me. I can do the repair work. You’re the only one I know who knows how to sail!”

What a nice ending to the story. Only that wasn’t the end. It got so much better!

 

Your Broader Perspective Knows “How” Better Than You

Meanwhile his Broader Perspective orchestrated other events. Perry focused being positive about his sailing partner’s good fortune. He busied himself with sailing videos. He visited sailing stores, and read about yachts online. These activities inspired him.  They also put him and his Broader Perspective in tune. That made what happened next.

Perry followed an impulse and called a yacht broker. Why not talk with someone who might sell him a boat one day, he thought. Upon hearing his story, the broker offered good advice.

“You might want to find someone willing to take you out on the open ocean,” He said. The broker recommended someone offering such services. But it cost over $4,000 a trip!

Perry wasn’t interested in that.

Meanwhile, Jarrett readied Achilles I. He planned to tow it to a boat ramp, get it in the water, then motor it the last mile into its new home at the local marina.

He needed crew. He called Perry.

What an adventure (in not a good way)! The boat did float. That’s about all. It had no navigation lights. No radio. Not even any sails!

Jarrett arrived at the ramp by 1 p.m. By five, Achilles I still wasn’t in the water. The problem? Hoisting the mast. Once they did that, they put Achilles I in.

Achiles I Blog
Jarrett, the author and his family working on Achilles I at the boat ramp. (Photo by Jarrett’s mom)

But the battery couldn’t start the engine.  Jarrett’s parents helped McGuyver the motor running just as it was getting dark. Legally, they should have had navigation lights. Jarrett figured with the motor running, they’d cover the mile before sun down.

Two thirds of the way, the motor quit. Darkness fell a long time ago. No navigation lights. No radio. No motor. No problem. They remembered a tow service emergency number stored in their phones.

Ninety minutes later, they were in the marina. The towboat captain said they were lucky they called. Even with the motor working, had they headed into the marina on their own, odds were they would have run aground.

Achilles I in the marina blog
Jarrett and Achilles I in the marina days after the night time arrival. (Photo by the author)

Did we say everything is always working out?

· · ·

A week later, Perry remembered a website talked about at class. There, people who have sail boats but no crew, and people without boats but wanting to sail could meet online. If the chemistry worked out, the yacht owner could invite the other person to sail on his yacht as crew. Perry found the site and signed up. Three weeks later, he got a call.

The guy introduced himself as Mike. He didn’t own a yacht. He did have an offer Perry couldn’t refuse. Mike told Perry he’s been on the open ocean for more than 50 years. He’s been all over the world. He told Perry he has captained nearly every kind of pleasure boat, and many commercial boats.

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Captain Mike (Photo by the author)

Mike said he owned a business moving boats around the world. He was looking for people wanting open ocean experience. You don’t need any experience, he said. In fact, it’s better if you don’t. Mike said his teams moved boats owners either didn’t have time or expertise to do it themselves.

Perry asked Mike how much it would cost him.

“Nothing,” Mike said.  “I pay all your expense. You just help me move the boat.”

Consider this: Perry didn’t know Mike. He didn’t know people do what Mike does. Perry didn’t know a guy like Mike lived not 20 miles from Perry. Perry didn’t know Mike was looking for crew.

When your Broader Perspective organizes events in your life, it works with other people’s Broader Perspectives. Your Broader Perspective has your best interests in mind. Other people’s Broader Perspectives have your interests in mind too. And vice versa.

So when a person shows up in your life, they agreed, through their Broader Perspective, to be there. In being there, they get what they are wanting. Even as you get what you want. Everyone in any situation gets the same thing: what they want.  There are no exceptions to this.

That’s how we know everything is always working out. Life is a massive collective orchestration. It’s happening between billions of Broader Perspectives. Together they coordinate innumerable events, which become life on earth.

Mike was looking for unusual people. People interested in being on the open ocean. People who had time for that. People willing to do it for no pay. People who were passionate about it and willing to not just endure but enjoy it.

In return, Mike promised adventure. He promised his crew would learn all there is to know about the open ocean. Navigation, anchoring, safety, hazards…the works.

In other words, exactly what Perry wanted.

It was a perfect fit.

Perry’s first trip was amazing. Mike, and Perry,  Jay and Curt two other volunteers, gathered at the Port of Ilwaco, Washington. Their voyage: take the “Mabel J”, a 44-foot TolleyCraft, north over 300 miles to Olympia, Washington.

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“Mabel J” being inspected by the crew. (All “ Mabel J” photos by the author)

 

Mabel J rear blog
Engine oil leaks cause a plume of white smoke on startup.

This being his first trip, Perry mostly watched and took pictures. It was a pleasure cruise on a calm sea, which put an ear-to-ear grin on Perry’s face.

Every fulfilled desire contains seeds of new desires. No matter how fulfilling something is, amidst fulfillment exists desire for more. People ask “how does eternity work? Where does it come from?”

The answer is, through desire-fulfillment. New desires are born out of every fulfilled one. Life, eternal life, gets created from new desires born from within fulfilled ones.

Case in point: Perry’s first trip. It got him on the open ocean. The weather was perfect. The trip was easy, leaving lots of time for relaxation. Not more than he could handle. Just enough.

But “Mabel J” was a motor boat. Not a sail boat. The boat was old too. Engine exhaust wafted through cabins, sinking into everyone’s clothes. Everyone breathed diesel fumes the whole trip.

As far as captains go, Mike was stoic but fair. In stressful times, though he was harsh. Everyone aboard respected Mike. After all, he alone was responsible for the owner’s boat. Boats typically costing tens if not many hundreds of thousands of dollars. As captain, his crew is his responsibility too.

So he made sure everyone knew where they stood relative to his authority.

Captain is always right blog
The Captain is always right. That is, if you want to get home. (Photo by the author)

Perry didn’t like this. He prefers being his own ship’s captain. Literally and figuratively.

So here he was, getting to test himself on the open ocean. That fulfilled desire birthed more desire: Sailing his own yacht. Moving by wind, not motor. Sailing in greater luxury. Sailing on his own.

Perry’s Broader Perspective immediately realized all these desires. They would soon become Perry’s reality too. So long as Perry stayed positively focused.

So he ignored what was complaint-worthy. Instead, he put his thoughts on the voyage’s positive aspects. There were many.

For example, cruising into the Puget Sound early one morning, they had over twenty Orca sightings. That night at dinner, Perry learned people come from all over the US to see Orcas in Puget Sound. They pay hundreds to do so. But most see nothing. Not a single whale.

Perry also saw seals, sea lions and dolphin. Minke and Humpback whales too.

Top that voyage!

Broader Perspective: “Hold my beer!”

Remember, your Broader Perspective has access to infinite possibilities. Perry’s was only getting started!

Days after that trip, Mike called again. He had another assignment. Move a boat from Oxnard, California up to Puget Sound. Mike explained this was a 44-foot Mason sail boat from the mid 80s. Named “Eclipse” it’s fully equipped, ready for ocean voyages, he said. Mason 44s are well-respected and regarded open ocean sail boats. Many sailors covet them.

Mike thought it would take at least a week or two, to move her. A lot depended on the weather, which was getting worse by the day. Assignments usually diminish in winter. But the owner hoped “Eclipse” could make it north before winter storm season hit.

Mike explained the risks. He was optimistic they’d at least make it halfway. Perry was in. He was excited! In less than a month, he went from no opportunity, to nearly every opportunity.

 

The Perfect Ocean Adventure Opens Perry’s Eyes

The crew took Amtrak south to Oxnard.

Mike first reserved business class for himself, coach class for his crew. Perry asked if he could pay the extra $50 for business class. Business class is more comfortable. Mike said it wasn’t. Prior to departure, Mike changed his mind. To the crew’s surprise and pleasure everyone had business-class tickets. The business car was quieter and more comfortable.

Rail travel was an adventure in itself. Perry was born in California. Traveling by rail afforded many stops in towns reminiscent of home, including Davis, San Jose, San Luis Obispo and Van Nuys. They served surprisingly good food in the dining car, which Perry enjoyed. He also met and talked with many people who had great stories. There was plenty time too to relax and read and watch California’s desert scenery.

It was a literal vacation. And another desire fulfilled: Perry always wanted to travel through California by rail.

Three days later they arrived at the Marina in Oxnard late that night. They put their gear aboard “Eclipse”, then slept the first night on the boat.

The next morning, Perry explored “Eclipse” in daylight. Its blue hull shined in the California sun. Her hull contrasted nicely with its white and grey decks and golden varnished wood accents. As advertised, “Eclipse” had all kinds of equipped, including an autopilot. Autopilot meant the boat could hold its own course, making hand-steering infrequent. A nice luxury.

“How fun it’s going be!” Perry thought. Then he thought about “Mabel J”. Would this trip be better? He counted on it.

And it was.

Mike, a master weather navigator, threaded needles between storm fronts. When that wasn’t possible, they waited out storms in safe anchorages.

As we said before, every fulfilled dream contains seeds of more desire. Living aboard “Eclipse” was not the dream experience Perry imagined. Modern sail boats look like Manhattan Apartments on the inside. They’re beautiful, with their light colors, lots of windows and amenities like microwaves, TVs, washing machines and more.

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Interior of a modern ocean cruiser, the CNB 66. (Photo from CNB 66 Promotional brochure. Fair use assessment on file – educational purposes)

This boat’s traditional mariner interior was no doubt beautiful…to some people. To Perry’s champagne tastes, it was worn, cramped, dark. The bathroom was filthy. It reeked of old piss. At anchor, the boat rocked constantly. Its water and fuel tanks sloshed so loud, it was hard to sleep. Sleeping aboard was uncomfortable. Far more uncomfortable than sleeping aboard “Mabel J”. Especially with four other people on a boat really built to accommodate three max. Had Perry not been exhausted each night, sleeping would have been impossible.

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The dark, nearly window-less, dank interior of a mid-1980s blue ocean sailboat. (Photo by the author)

Worse, still, Perry got seasick. A lot. The sea was rough most the way. While admiring the view, or standing at the helm, he was fine. The moment he focused on a task – raising a sail, coiling a rope, even taking off his rain gear below – he got sea sick.

Motion sickness pills didn’t help. Natural remedies like ginger didn’t either.

Then one night, mid way through, Mike made a calculation error. Winds were stronger than expected. Ocean swells were higher than expected too. Then it got dark. Twenty-five knot winds blew “Eclipse” in circles despite the crew’s best efforts to keep her on course.

A sail jammed. Motoring now, all hands kept watch.  Making matters more hairy, crab season started the same week. Commercial fishermen laid hundreds of crab pots along their course. Darkness made seeing their floating buoys near-impossible. Running over one put the pot’s line inline with the boat’s propeller. If the prop got jammed with rope…

Perry didn’t want to think about that.

Usually, Mike stayed below, monitoring charts and catching shut-eye in case an emergency commanded his attention. Not tonight. Over the next three hours, Mike, who is probably near 80, stood at the front of the cockpit, peering through a tiny night vision scope yelling commands to Perry at the helm.

“Turn right!”

“Hard right now! now! now!”

“Left, left, left, now!!!”

“ Nooooo…RIGHT!”

As we’re writing this through Perry’s fingers, he’s smiling. It was something to smile about…after it was over. That night though, no one was laughing. Especially Mike.

Finally, Mike had enough of Perry’s novice steering skills. He called Oneonta to replace him. After a few moments though she was relieved. Jay, the senior crew member, took over. But even he had trouble. Mike was beyond stressed. But Jay, having three trips with Mike under his belt, took it in stride.

It was a harrowing experience right until they pulled into safe harbor around 2 a.m. The physical and psychological strain took its toll on everyone. Especially Mike. Once tied to the dock, he collapsed against the cabin, clearly wiped out.

So was everyone else. Next morning, Mike decreed there’d be no more sailing through the night.

· · ·

The weather picture up north cut the trip short. They left “Eclipse” in Crescent City, California. Perry was glad to be on land again after five days at sea and 10 days away from home. He was exhausted. He never wanted to see “Eclipse” again.

On their six-hour drive back to Portland, he remembered what Jay suggested that dangerous night.

“I think you might want to rethink being on the open ocean,” Jay said.

Sound advice, Perry thought.

open ocean quote blogPerry got what he wanted. He also learned something. Maybe, he thought, he isn’t fit for the open ocean. That lesson cost him nothing. He had a (mostly) great time.

More important, he saved a lot of money. He prepared to spend millions on his dream yacht.

Did this mean the end of his sailing adventure?

Nope. Every fulfilled desire sows seeds of more desires.

Before leaving “Eclipse” Perry talked with Mike about his seasickness. Mike said most people get over seasickness. Mike said doctors don’t really know very much about why seasickness happens. In his 50 years on the world’s oceans, with dozens of different people, Mike thinks it’s caused by stress. Not ocean conditions.

On Perry’s first open ocean trip, he didn’t get seasick. The second where there was far more stress and danger. Seasick a-plenty.

Who knows? Maybe Mike is right.

· · ·

Months later, Perry thought about that conversation. He thought about how stressful it was crewing for Mike. He thought about how uncomfortable it felt being out of his element. On the open ocean for the second time, first time on a sail boat. He wondered how much being on a boat owned by someone else made it more stressful. He thought how serving under an authority added more stress. He thought about that harrowing night. That alone was stressful!

The more he thought about this, the more he realized this adventure might not be over.  He needed more experience. Under different, less stressful conditions. Like Hawaii maybe. 😀🏝

You never reach the end of anything. Life is eternal. Its eternity springs from your desires. Everyone has endless desires. Today Perry attends to his companies, following impulses from his Broader Perspective. His main goal in life is being happy. He knows what happiness means. Being happy lets him know his path will consistently yield happy experiences.

Everything you do in the end is about being happy. People usually do things they think will “make them happy”. Perry figured out life works best the other way around. Being happy first IS being happy. From there you can’t help having experiences matched to that.

We wrote a great piece about how to use happiness the way it’s intended. It’s easy. It results come in seconds. (HT – Abraham-Hicks)

You now know what modern life, motivational speakers and “successful people” don’t. You don’t have to set an intention, make goals and objectives, put them on a timeline, track your progress, and then work your ass off.

You can keep your ass and be successful. Just be happy first. Then watch what happens.

M Night Shyamalan On How Powerful You Are

Universal Pictures Films Glass blog
Photo: Universal Pictures (via YouTube)

I watched Glass last night. I walked away astounded. You should see it.

(There are no spoilers here)

Glass is M Night Shyamalan’s latest movie. It is the final piece of a trilogy chronicling superheroes’ origins. Unbreakable was part one. Split is part two.

Shyamalan made his name famous with stunning plot twists in his early films. His most successful back then being Sixth Sense.

Later his name got associated with crap. That’s what he produced in the middle of his career.  He got lost, producing flop after flop.

Somewhere in there, though, he made Unbreakable. It showed Shyamalan still had something to say. In Glass, he said it.

Shyamalan told Rolling Stone Disney heads dampened Unbreakable’s box office success billing it as a “spooky thriller”. It was not that. It’s a superhero movie. But nothing like DC or Marvel movies with all that action and mayhem. Unbreakable is subtle. It reaches into your soul. Using no special effects, it makes its superhero real. 

Like you.

Had Shyamalan had his way, Unbreakable would have done much better. He wanted it billed a comic book movie.

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Split Poster: Universal Pictures Unbreakable: Touchstone Pictures

I saw Unbreakable seven times. It calls to me. It calls to all of us. Can you hear it?

It describes how I feel about humanity: humanity itself is unbreakable, untouched by life’s circumstances. I know humanity is far more than its circumstances and far more than human. Every one of us are creating everything we’re experiencing, including each other. And we are doing that ongoingly and co-creatively.

That’s Shyamalan’s message too. It runs all the way through Split and spurts out in glorious form at Glass‘ finale. Far from making “spooky thrillers”, Shyamalan is speaking to all of us. What is he saying? You are unique, shine your life. Create the reality you want. The Universe actively supports you.

I know this because he says as much in the Rolling Stone article. He spoke it plainly again on Stephen Colbert’s The Late Show.

 

If you read what I tend to write, I usually write from my broader “we” perspective. I also write a lot about experiences I have in my life. Experiences exactly like Shyamalan told Colbert. Such experiences happen today more than ever. I don’t dismiss them as coincidence because they aren’t.

I know through 30-plus years practicing what I know –– first through meditation, amplified through esoteric martial arts, then briefly through Christianity and followed by 10 years practice with Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism.  Then again through esoteric martial arts and more meditation before aligning with Abraham for the last 10 years. All this background and experiential evidence, told in my writing, convinces me this is how life works.  I share my experiences knowing others want clarity I have.

That’s why I resonate with Shyamalan’s movies. He’s sharing what he knows. What I know. And he’s doing it in a beautiful cinematic way.

Which brings me back to Glass. And to you.

Glass‘ grand message is: you’re special. The Universe knows it. And it wants to show you how special you are. But you have to live your authentic life. You have to stop worrying about what others might think about you or how you look.

And though a lot of forces try –– and often succeed –– in convincing you otherwise, everything you want, including a future matching your wildest dreams you already have. And you can make them real. Starting today.

You only have to believe.

· · ·

“Belief” is action. It is born from faith and leads to “knowing”. First a person has to not believe, but want to. That’s faith. “Wanting to believe absent proof”.

Faith tested, births belief if the teaching is accurate. If one persists, the faithful’s life experience rewards faith with corroborating evidence. Guidance and support from someone who demonstrates the teaching’s efficacy through their life experience is crucial. Their experience helps you see evidence you’d otherwise miss. With their help faith turns to believing, which is “intellectual understanding born of evidence”.

Belief isn’t the same as knowing. Knowing is becoming the teaching. It is borne from so much evidence in one’s own life experience, that life experience and the teaching become one.

“I can ride a bike, although I’ve never done so.” That’s faith.

“I can ride a bike because I understand the steps to doing so, even though I’ve never actually done it. I see others doing it. They can. So can I. Teach me.” That’s belief.

“I ride bikes. I do it all the time.” That’s knowing.

As a child, I knew I was the center of the universe.  All points of consciousness are the center of the universe. But like nearly all of us, I let my parents and my life experience at the time convince me otherwise. I lost the knowing. I became a common mortal.

I lost knowing I create the world around me. Life experience mirrored that belief. My life got chaotic and disorganized. My parents divorced. My mom forced me to relocate. In this new place I was teased and ridiculed for how I spoke and behaved. I was assaulted and threatened and robbed.

But my Broader Perspective kept sending signals, calling me back to my knowing. I heard these. But everyday reality had me dismiss them as coincidence, fleeting or random events back then.

Me in the Marines blog
Me in the Marines.

In my 20s, as a US Marine, surrounded by toxic masculinity and the ever-present possibility of combat, I fit in with the guys. Be normal. Which is to say be ignorant of my knowing.

I avoided my gender-neutrality, my transamory and my spiritual clarity. I traded my authenticity for the Marines’ Esprit de Corps, and everything else it meant to be a Marine.

There were cracks though. Through them my Broader Perspective reached me. As did my authenticity. I had dalliances. Spent late nights in gay bars. I fantasized. I met and befriended transgender women. And yearning for spirituality continued.

One night, fed up with life as it was, the young Christian me woke up. It was 3 a.m. in the Barracks at Camp Pendleton, California. Filled with loneliness, despair and an internal existential conflict, I challenged the Christian God. I said if he didn’t show himself or evidence of himself by sunrise, I wasn’t believing in Christianity anymore.  I lit a candle and prayed.

Reveille came. The candle long burnt out. No sign.

I kept my promise.

About a year later I was walking through streets on Okinawa. Living in Japan had been a childhood dream. Being there fulfilled another dream: training alongside the founder of the Bujinkan. Little did I know though, being in Japan sowed seeds that were the end of my Marine Corps identity.

A black car careened off the road onto the sidewalk. It came to a screeching stop right in front of me. Its black windows reflected my surroundings rather than allowing me to see who was inside. A door on the far side flung open. Out of the car came a beautiful older Japanese woman. She ran around the car and nearly collided with me.

She looked me in the eye. “You want to go to a buddhist meeting?”

I said yes.

Buddhism brought more meditation. Chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, studying the sutras and paying attention to my external reality was the first time in a long time I felt the knowing I felt as a child.

More cracks surfaced while working as an electric utility executive, then as an Intel Corporation manager. Authenticity’s voice got louder.

Then one day I realized I had enough of jobs. I had enough of compromising who I was to fit in…

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Samuel L. Jackson (top), James McAvoy, Bruce Willis in Glass. (Photo: Universal pictures promo)

Twelve years later, here I am. Tuned into my Broader Perspective. Seeing continual signs in my life experience that all people are gifted and glorious and reality creators.

Super human in other words.

Super heroes in Shyamalan’s words.

Abraham once told me in front of over a thousand others in the room: “There’s a reason you chose to come here as a human instead of a clump of dirt.”

We humans are special. We are above human, aka super human. This is what Shyamalan makes films about. This is what I write about. And that’s what resonated so deeply with me after watching Glass last night.

Shyamalan and I are of the same stream. Abraham once told me we humans are not so much individuals, separated from everything and everyone else, as we are a stream of consciousness composed of many others sharing our life experiences and we sharing theirs. I know this now. Which is why I usually refer to me as “we”.

What “we” are includes who others are.

I know this. Shyamalan knows this. In Glass, Shyamalan shares what we know. Go watch Glass. You may come to know too.

 

How To Easily Think Your Way to Happiness

Ben Rosett Happily Ever After FB blog
Photo: Ben Rosett

Everyone is born with unique talents. That includes you.

You also come with tendencies. Tendencies leaning toward expressing those talents. Feeling those tendencies then following them will change your life.

It is not possible to come to earth with no passions, skills, strengths or direction. Are you feeling like you have none of these? Are you bored about life? Feel stuck in a rut? The problem isn’t what you’re doing. It’s how you’re thinking.

You brought everything with you needed to live your greatest life ever. Living your greatest life ever includes consistent happiness.

Happiness is an emotion you conjure deliberately. When you don’t, it comes and goes.

Here’s the secret to living your greatest life ever: Be happy first. Then everything you want comes easily.

There’s a reason you feel bored or tired or sad or unfulfilled. It’s saying “How you are thinking right now needs to change if you want what you want.”

· · ·

Ask someone “what is the purpose of emotions?” You won’t get the answer you just got. Yet it is the key to everything you want.

Not many people know you can become happy in a few seconds no matter what is happening. Not knowing this, happiness is fleeting.

But happiness can be permanent. Learning to conjure happiness is all it takes.

“How do you conjure it?” you ask.

We’ll get to that. But first, let’s spend some time exploring why being happy first gets you all you want.

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Happiness is the key to everything. It’s more than just an emotion. (photo: Artem Bali)

Happy matters…a lot

What if you had two options:

Option A:

Work your ass off. Struggle. Scramble to network and contact. Try to find people you need on your side. Then, some time later….through all kinds of trials and struggles…you make it. Whatever “it” is for you.

It’s a great story to tell. “War wounds” galore. Maybe your marriage failed along the way. Or you have a substance abuse problem. Or you developed an anxiety disorder in the process.

But hey, you made it!

Maybe you’re happy. Maybe you’re satisfied. Maybe?

Sure you might be rich. But you might not be. And if you are, you might lose it. A lot of successful people fear losing their success.

That’s not being happy.

Option B:

Be happy first. Tap into your Broader Perspective so you can feel your tendencies. Then learn to follow them.

This way, happiness comes in two or three minutes instead of after you make it. At that point, you have what you want: you’re happy.

But it doesn’t end there.

The right people, the right timing, the right resources, the right events all happen with little effort on your part. Day after day, what you want starts happening.

You’re getting what you’re wanting. Struggle, stress and anxiety free.

Along the way, your connection to Broader Perspective grows. You lose fears, including the fear of death. Anxiety goes away. Worry does too. You realize you’re eternal. Life becomes fun. And happiness becomes permanent.

To us, the choice is clear. Option B happens exactly like this. Here’s why that is, and why happiness matters.

Created with GIMP
Photo: Hans Vivek

Happiness more than an emotion. It serves a critical purpose. It tells you when your life condition matches your Broader Perspective’s condition.

Your Broader Perspective is the you you are projecting yourself from, into this physical reality. You’re “here” on earth. But you’re also “there” in the timeless, spacious present we call the “moment of becoming“.

The moment you decide you want something, you have it in the spacious present. But you don’t get what you want in physical reality as quickly. Why? Because things happen slower here. That’s a good thing.

How many times have you said, for example, something like “I wish my boss would die, that bastard!” or “I wish I never married my husband!” or “I wish you were never born”?

It’s a good thing you don’t immediately get what you want.

Things don’t have to happen as slow as they do either. They can happen faster. What’s slowing them up? We’re going to tell you.

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Photo: Frederik de Wit

You have Broader Perspective. It knows all potential outcomes. It knows All That Is. It knows everything you want. It has everything you want. It knows how you can have all you want.

What would that part of you feel? Wouldn’t it be happy, excited, free, joyful and fulfilled?

Your Broader Perspective is you. So is the you here on Earth. When you’re feeling happy, excited, free, joyful and fulfilled, you see the world the same way your Broader Perspective sees it. Seeing the world that way tunes you to your Broader Perspective.

When you’re in tune, you’re able to hear messages it’s sending you. Messages leading you to what you want.

That you can feel happiness (or not happy) is how you tell if you’re tuned to your Broader Perspective. When you’re happy, you’re in tune. When you’re not, you’re not in tune.

The less in tune you are, the less you can hear your messages. Life is harder when you can’t hear your messages. That’s why being happy first is so important. It tells you when the communication channel between you and you is open.

So happiness must be something you can conjure at will. Otherwise you couldn’t hear what you’re sending. It’s important because it tells you you and the broader you are in synch. When you’re in synch, you can hear the messages. Follow them and you get what you want.

Created with GIMP

Back to the question: “how do you conjure happiness”?

The answer is: by learning to think deliberately.

· · ·

How you think is important.

Yet hardly anyone teaches “how to think” in school or anywhere else.

You can learn how to think critically. Or how to think like an engineer. Or a lawyer. That instruction teaches how to be productive in a given field.

But hardly anyone is teaching how to think so you can be happy in life.

Here are practical steps on how to think.

Think your way to happiness

Created with GIMP
Photo: Aaron Huber

Usually people think happiness happens when something they want happens.

  • I get a new car. I’m happy!
  • I get a raise. I’m happy!
  • I had a great time last night. I was happy!
  • When I meet the guy of my dreams, I’ll be happy!

Happiness does happen that way. But only when people don’t know what you’re reading.

As we wrote above, happiness can be a permanent condition. It’s actually supposed to be that way. Meaning, it can happen in sucky situations too. It all depends on how you think. Not what is happening.

Let’s say you’re at work. You’re bored to death. Or maybe you didn’t get that promotion. Maybe you discovered you make less than your equally-skilled peers. Maybe you’re losing your job.

Your boredom, disappointment, anger or fear is not happiness.  That means you’re not tuned into your Broader Perspective. You’re not deliberately thinking.

But you can be tuned in. And you can be happy now. How?

Think of something positive long enough until happiness shows up. It’s that simple.

So you’re in your office. Something’s happening. You feel negative.

Turn your attention to something that pleases you.  The clothes you’re wearing, for example. Perhaps they are some of your favorite clothes. Think about how much you like those clothes. How well they fit, how good you look in them. Think about the compliment you got on the bus on the way to work.

It would go like this:

  • I really like how I look in this
  • I like how I feel in this
  • These clothes make me look (hot, professional, skinny, etc)
  • I look (hot, professional, skinny, etc)
  • I like looking (hot, professional, skinny, etc)
  • I like feeling (hot, professional, skinny, etc)

You could do this about a coworker or a person in your office you might have special feelings for. Think about how much you like that person. Think about how much you like talking with them, how they make you laugh maybe. Think specific thoughts about them like the ones above:

  • I’m so glad so-and-so is in my life
  • I’m eager to see how this might turn out
  • It was cool so-and-so said hi to me
  • I feel like I’m back in high school
  • It’s fun to have a crush!

Maybe you really like the way you have your office organized. Think about how much you like organization. Think about how good that feels to you. Think about how good it feels to you to turn a messy desk into an organized one. Think specific thoughts about it like the ones above:

  • I really like being organized
  • I like having everything in their place
  • It feels good to be organized
  • I feel best when my space is ordered
  • It’s nice to see clutter turn to order

Your thinking doesn’t have to be monumental. It only needs to trigger positive feelings. How and why this happens is too detailed for this piece. We’ll describe the mechanics another time.

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Photo: Oleg Ivanov

While thinking these thoughts, pay attention to your feelings. First you feel boredom, disappointment, anger or fear. But as you think on purpose, you’ll feel different. It might be pleasure or mirth. It might be satisfaction. It might be relief. It might be self admiration. It may be pride. Or humor. Or love.

All these emotions tell you you’ve moved from boredom, disappointment, anger or fear, which is not happiness, to something closer to happiness.

These things you’re thinking about are in your current situation. If they weren’t, you couldn’t think about them. When thinking about them, you’re experiencing them. Even though they aren’t in your physical experience.

So turn your attention to them. Not whatever you’re experiencing. You mood will improve.

The moment you notice your mood improve, turn your thinking to that. Acknowledge what you just did. You changed how you’re feeling without changing your situation. Note how much better you’re feeling now. It feels better than you felt just a few moments ago. Congratulate yourself. Say, “Wow, in just a few seconds, I changed my experience from X (negative emotion) to Y (better feelings). That’s pretty neat!” Come up with five or six other thoughts:

  • This is new and exciting.
  • Hmm, I like how this feels
  • I like that I can do this.
  • I feel a whole lot better
  • Wow, now I’m feeling even better!

In a few thoughts, you’ll find yourself thinking different, but related, thoughts:

  • I wonder how far this can go?
  • Could it be this easy?
  • This is actually kind of fun!

As you stay on that track, you might feel or hear your thoughts change. Notice them change to other pleasing things. For example, you might find yourself thinking about the sex you had last night. Focus on that and you’ll find yourself feeling other….er…sensations :-).

Keep it up and your feelings will get increasingly positive. And yet, your conditions haven’t changed.

Practice with obvious things until you’re good at it.  Then move to less obvious thought topics:

  • Think about how cool it is that you woke up today.
  • Or that your body functions mostly without your attention.
  • Or that you really like the color of your house.
  • Or that the sun comes up every day
  • Or that there is plenty of air to breathe

So now you changed your reality. You were feeling negative. Now you’re happy. You’ve also created a new physical reality. Your positive emotions come with physical experiences. A smile on your face, a lighter disposition. You may even see the difference.

But there are changes happening you can’t see. Not at first. Your entire life experience is changing. It is tuning into experiences leading to what you’re wanting. Not just one of those things either. All of them.

In other words, you’re not doing this to feel good. You’re doing this to feel messages your broader perspective constantly sends you. This is where your impulses come in.

Tim foster
Photo: Tim Foster

As you gain more thinking skill something else happens: You get an impulse to do something. It will be subtle. It will be more feeling than words. It might feel like “go to the bathroom”, for example.

Let’s say that’s it. You get the sense to go to the bathroom. You may not have the biological urge to go. So it may make no logical sense. But when you get it, go.

When you do, you might bump into the person you were thinking about. Or you might get a text from your partner. Or a call from someone you’ve been wanting to hear from. You might run into a co-worker who says, “I was just thinking about you.” and offer you something unexpected and surprising.

When that happens, you’ve gotten exactly what we described in the beginning of this post: Things happening with little effort on your part. The only action you took was following your impulse to go to the bathroom.

This is Option B brought to life.

· · ·

You want to practice this until you do it automatically. In the same way you think now. Look at your thoughts. They probably come and go on their own. That’s practiced. You’re not thinking on purpose.

That can change.

The more you practice, the more you’ll get “hunches” or “impulses”. Of course, as you practice, you’ll get what look like false impulses. You’ll take action and it will seem nothing beneficial happened. These are actually true. Something beneficial did happen.

For example, say you went to the bathroom and nothing happened. But something did happen. Feel, then act. Notice how you’re feeling and thinking. You might be thinking “this was dumb”, or “I look like an idiot”.

Those thoughts are telling you something. They are saying “you think what people think about you is more important than getting what you want”. Why else would you care about how you look? Embarrassment is an emotion triggered by this belief. If you’re feeling embarrassment or stupid, you’ve cut off communication between you and you.

Now hear this: You wouldn’t have known this thought is keeping you from hearing your messages if “nothing happened”, right? So somethinghappened:you got clear about something you needed to know to get what you want.

When you feel an impulse after tuning into Broader Perspective, either:

A. Take action immediately. Go talk to that person, go to the bathroom, take a nap or whatever. Then see what happens. If something happens that feels like nothing, refer to this post about “false” results.

B. Wait. Take no action until the feeling to act is so persistent you must follow it. THEN act as in point A above.

At first, you might have a hard time feeling impulses. Getting used to telling the difference between an impulse and a random thought takes practice.

Lesly Juarez blog
Mindfulness, i.e. paying attention will allow permanent happiness. (Photo: Lesly Juarez)

Can you see how this practice turns your life into an amazing adventure? At first, you’ll get a lot of “false” results. But those “false” results aren’t false. Again we describe that paradox here.

Keep going and life fills in with subjects and interests and people matching your passions, skills, strengths and desires. You’re now following your tendencies and they are leading you to all you’re wanting.

But…

Doing this process once or twice it’s not enough. You’ll feel good for a moment. But your old habit (automatic thinking) will return. This is why people who try these things end up failing. They don’t apply themselves enough.

Want to get everything you want and live happily ever after? Repeat these steps over and over. For how long? Until thinking this way is as natural as the way you think now.

Then you’ll become your Broader Perspective. Then you have it all, including lasting happiness.

How To Have An Open Marriage Even If Your Spouse Doesn’t Want One

Julian Howard Have What You Want FB Blog
Photo: Julian Howard

Trusting your intuition promises an extraordinary life.

That’s because your intuition knows how to lead you effortlessly to everything you’re wanting. When your intuition delivers what you’re wanting, everyone else gets what they’re wanting too.

In this post, we’re going to describe how to develop trust in your intuition, so you too can get everything you want. And be extraordinarily happy in the process. We’ll do that by telling the true story of how Perry got an open relationship in his marriage. Even though his wife didn’t want one. At first.

Perry got this (and a happy marriage) by trusting his intuition. Not by sneaking around, or trying to have a direct conversation with his wife about what he wanted.

Everything you’re wanting, everyone else wants too. Because when you get what you want, so does everyone else. That is, if you let your intuition give it to you, instead of trying to do it yourself.

 

Trust: It’s Built On Proof Of Trustworthiness

Someone we respected at the time had smart words about whether a person is worthy of your trust.

“Trust is consistent performance over time,” they said.  Meaning, a person’s behavior over time demonstrates their trustworthiness. Not their say-so or their promises.

Same is true with your intuition. If you let it, your intuition will prove its trustworthiness over time. As your trust increases, your intuition’s demonstrations grow more dependable and noteworthy.

Before long, you’re living an extraordinary life.

Trust Blog
Having trust is crucial. Trust comes from proof your intuition is trustworthy.

Having trust is crucial. Whether you trust it or not, your intuition is accurate 100 percent of the time. That means whatever you’re wanting, your intuition knows how you can have it. And it can lead you to it.

Making your dreams happen without your intuition’s help is hard. And no fun. It takes longer and you sacrifice more. When making dreams happen you miss out on wonderful synchronicities. Synchronicities allowing you to get what you want while allowing others what they want.

That’s the delightful path. The other path makes you bitter, frustrated and defensive about any success you’ve eeked out.

Learning to trust is a never-ending, always evolving and a “getting better all the time” process. The more you trust your intuition, the more consistent evidence you receive. Before long, results you produce are obvious and consistent. It becomes difficult to remember a time when you didn’t trust it.

When you are wishy-washy about how your intuition works, you get wishy-washy results. Let’s say you think or believe intuition is at best random and or at worst some kind of force acting against you. In that case, you’re going to get results consistent with those beliefs.

Science and other well-meaning perspectives at best caution following intuiton. Harvard Business Review, for example, puts it plain: Don’t Trust Your Gut. “Intuition is a fickle and undependable guide—it is as likely to lead to disaster as to success.” the article cautions. On the other hand, the World Economic Forum (WEF) suggests it’s more complicated than that. WEF says intuition can be trusted, but works better when balanced with understanding how it works.

The problem is, both organizations, and science in general, say intuition is a brain mechanism. In defining it that way, they have missed the mark. Intuition comes from beyond the brain. By calming brain activity, through meditation for example, one discovers a deeper source of knowledge and awareness, one that can be trusted: One’s broader perspective.

Broader perspective is intuition. It is reliable, but you have to learn how to hear it. And, it functions in a particular way. Through it you create reality. If you believe your intuition is a random voice in your head, it will give you guidance consistent with that.

Intuition fulfills what you believe.

Rohan Makhecha - Intuition fulfills what you believe
(Photo: Rohan Makhecha)

So how do you develop trust in your intuition? Become sensitive enough to tell the difference between it and not it. Then follow its guidance. Generally, you become sensitive by testing.

But here’s the thing: you can’t test and be invested in the outcome. Especially if your investment is contrary to what you’re wanting.

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Let’s say you want a million dollars, but you don’t believe you can get a million dollars. Your intuition is going to lead you to what you believe: not getting the money.

So start with things you don’t have an investment in. Start with something simple. Something you believe you can have. A choice parking spot or meeting a friend “coincidentally” for example. These are light, fun outcomes to start with.

Unless you think those things are “just coincidence”. If that’s you, you have to start with a different test. Something not tainted by your I-already-know-this awareness.

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Your intuition delivers. Every time. But it only delivers what you believe. (Photo: Nick Karvounis)

No matter what you use to test your intuition, early on, some outcomes will always be “false”. But even “false” outcomes are teaching moments. So they’re actually “true”. It’s important you understand this.

For example, you might treat the process too seriously. Making it a serious process creates too much resistance. Your intuition is sending you spot-on guidance. But you can’t receive it because, in your seriousness, you’re blocking the receiving. How that works is explainable but would make this already long piece longer. Just know one reason for a “false” outcome could be you’re being too serious about the results.

Being too serious leads to confusing results. Especially if you aren’t aware of what’s happening. You’ll get results. But they will be “false”.  So you’ll think the process isn’t working. But these results show the process working. They’re trying tell you: you’re doing something that’s blocking getting what you want.

“False” results also allow you to see old beliefs that are contrary to what you want.  “Intuition is BS” or “Is this coincidence?”, or “I can’t do this” are examples of such beliefs. Recognizing these thoughts and beliefs are part of the trust-development path. How can you do something about them, if you’re unaware of them?

Here’s a process for replacing old beliefs with new ones.

So every result you get is “positive”. It leads you to the result you’re wanting, or, it’s highlights something preventing results you want. Can you see how “false” results would then be “true” even though they are “false”?

Recapping: trusting intuition requires knowing what you want. It requires knowing what you want is possible and being light about its arrival. Knowing “false” results are actually, not “false” is also crucial.

 

Letting Intuition Do The Work

Perry’s life stories show how he gets what he wants by following his intuition. We’ve recently shared stories of his wife doing the same.

We’ll continue sharing these stories because we know real life stories are better than theory. But your real life experience is an even better teacher. It’s easy to dismiss Perry’s experiences as coincidence. Or as a cool thing that happened to him. It’s another thing when it happens to you.

The Roaming Platypus Perspective
Photo: The Roaming Platypus

Even so, here’s how Perry’s trust in his intuition got him what he wanted. With little effort on his part.

This isn’t a process to get what you’re wanting at the expense of another person. No one on the planet is being “used” by another. It doesn’t work that way.

How it does work is, while you get what you’re wanting, others get what they’re wanting too. The world (and the All That Is) is large enough to give everyone what they’re wanting at the same time. Even if what you’re wanting is something another doesn’t.

Perry and Bridget have been together for five years now. Perry didn’t marry Bridget for the reasons most people do. He knew his path lies in being free to explore all relationships which come his way. We know, this doesn’t sit well for many people in today’s society. Especially in the US. Old erroneous beliefs about human life still shape many cultures. Questions of “ethics” “morality” and “propriety” dictate people’s perspective.

Perry knows one relationship can’t meet everything a person is wanting. Society’s encouragement of “death do us part” isn’t about a wholesome vow of love and commitment. It’s about insecure people trying to control other people’s behavior. So they feel less insecure. But that’s another story.

So we understand if you disagree with the “open marriage” part of this story. Think about it as “something someone wants, but is afraid to get it. If they did, someone dear to them would be angry if they got it”, ok?

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Perry married his wife because he knew it was the best thing for his wife at the time. He knew giving that to his wife required putting some things on hold. He also knew exploring relationship alongside Bridget would bring “more” to him. Bridget would benefit too.

But when they tied the knot, they agreed their vows would not be “until death do us part”. Instead, their vows ended with “for now”. Meaning “let’s see how this goes day by day, with no real long-term commitment about anything.”

At first, Bridget wasn’t too excited about that.

Throughout these five years, many people have come into Perry’s life experience. Not all those potential relationships had to do with sex or intimacy. Many did though.

Perry didn’t act on these opportunities. He was too focused on his relationship, his projects and spiritual growth.

Bridget too was learning a lot too. She had a lot of disempowering beliefs. Beliefs that were operating under her conscious awareness. They were shaping her behavior and dictating her life experiences. Many of these beliefs did not make Bridget an ideal partner. A lot of them she inherited from her relatives and past relationships.

These realizations weren’t always eye-opening, positive and wonderful experiences. Many surfaced in ugly, angry fights. Fights over small things. Which became big things when these little things triggered her old beliefs.

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Photo: Jason Wong

One day a new guy friend asked Perry about his marriage. He couldn’t understand how Perry could be transamorous and yet married to a woman who isn’t transgender. A lot of people don’t understand this.

Perry described his marriage, including the “for now” clause. He also shared his desire for an “open” kind of relationship. For now, he said, he was working with Bridget in a mutually beneficial relationship. One where Bridget’s desire for monogamy, born out of her personal insecurities, took priority.

His friend said “you should introduce Bridget to someone she might want to be with. That would allow her to open up to you doing the same.”

It was logical advice. But it felt like manipulation to Perry. And he was right. It’s what anyone who doesn’t trust their intuition would do: try to control circumstances to get what they want. Including living a double-life behind their partner’s back.

Perry is not like that. Instead, he let his intuition do the work. Not was it better than being sneaky or conniving, it was more fun. What happened over the next two years proved that.

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For reasons too many to go into, Bridget has been an insecure person most of her life. She learned to manage that insecurity by controlling other people and circumstances. Control to an extreme degree. Knowing this, Perry couldn’t have a rational, productive conversation about an open marriage. He brought it up a couple of times. But even in counseling it sparked a firestorm.

So, instead of talking about it, Perry acted as if he already had one.

Now hold up. It’s not what you think.

He thought about what it would be like having an open relationship. He even explained to others that he was in one. But he never behaved in a way contrary to his commitment to his wife.

He would, for example, tell people how free it was to be in an open relationship. He would add, that neither he nor Bridget actually acted on the freedom. They didn’t need to, he said. Just knowing that was available freed both of them from the pressure of monogamy. In being free, he said, they didn’t have to act.

Being free was the key.

In other words, Perry thought and related to others as if he already had what he wanted. He didn’t act on it. Even when he had opportunity to. Why? He was too busy with his life, his projects, his spiritual path. So there was no inconsistency between his behavior and his marriage in terms of intimate behavior. Just in his words and thoughts (beliefs).

That’s when interesting things started happening.

 

Providence aka Intuition, All That Is and the Universe Step In

Bridget already had at least one friend who was in a polyamorous relationship. But more people started showing up in her life in them too. Her new friend Claire was in a relationship with a guy who was unwilling to be monogamous. Claire struggled with the idea. And with insecurities she felt around her partner being with other women. She talked a lot about it with Bridget. In time, Claire started seeing other guys, as she became more comfortable with it. She actually started enjoying it!

Of course, all this she shared with Bridget as girlfriends are wont to do.

Then Bridget’s best friend started talking about being in an open relationship. We’ll call her Nancy.

Perry and Nancy had a private conversation about all this one day. Nancy knew Perry was producing remarkable results in his life. Including changes in his relationship with Bridget. Changes that were causing Bridget to change too, which Nancy noticed and appreciated.

So she wanted some advice.

Nancy is married. Like a lot of marriages, Nancy’s marriage is touch and go. Sometimes when one of the two wants to touch, the other wants to go! Neither Nancy or her husband thought they were getting what they wanted. Like Bridget, both were insecure. Their marriage reflected all that insecurity. It was not satisfying for either party.

After talking with Perry, Nancy began her own positively focused lifestyle. This changed her. With the changes, her husband became more insecure. Long story short, Nancy and her husband eventually opened their marriage. Turned out her husband already was seeing someone else.

Today, they’re still sorting out the details. Both are dating other people. Nancy dates a few men, finding great satisfaction and empowerment in that.

Witnessing her friends’ experiences effected Bridget’s insecurities and fears. As friends shared their enjoyment, her fears and insecurities started going away.

Meanwhile, Perry reconnected with an old flame, who is transgender. This person agreed to do a photo shoot with Perry. There was nothing inappropriate going on between Perry and this person. But the energy between them was obvious.

Perry told Bridget about this person, including showing Bridget a picture of her. Bridget said she was beautiful. There was not an ounce of insecurity in her voice or demeanor.

Perry noticed this. But said nothing about it.

In the past, Bridget would have given Perry the third degree about the photo shoot meeting. She’d joke (not so jokingly) about his “date”. Or she would tease him (with a tinge of sarcasm) about his “new girlfriend” he would be “spending the day with.” But this time, she was easy about his plans.

No sarcasm. No jokes.

Was Perry surprised by these changes? Nope. He knew his broader perspective was orchestrating events not only in Bridget’s life. But also the lives of her friends’ and their relationships. Everyone was getting what they want. Including Perry.

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Life will surprise and delight you. If you let it. (Photo: Andre Guerra)

Four months later, Perry scheduled a meeting with this transgender person about another photo shoot. Bridget knew about the meeting.

The day of the meeting, as Perry was getting ready to go, Bridget walked up to him.

“Have a great time,” she said. She meant it too. “Feel free to do whatever pleases you dear. I love you.”

What she meant was, Perry was free to have an intimate experience with his friend, if that’s what he wanted to do. In other words, Perry and Bridget had just walked into an open relationship.

Of course, Perry felt this coming. He saw the signs leading up to it. Bridget’s friend, her neighbor, her best friend’s experiences eased Bridget’s concerns. So Perry didn’t have to have some tense, uncomfortable conversation. Instead, he found himself one day in exactly what he wanted with a loving and supportive partner to boot.

Since then, Bridget has made extraordinary progress in her own positively focused lifestyle. She’s turning into a different person than who Perry first met. Perry has too. So has Nancy. Bridget has even explored with her own dalliance. With Perry’s blessings.

When you learn to trust and follow your intuition, not only does your life benefit. So do the lives of those around you. You get what you want, with little effort on your part. All this is available when you are positively focused.

 

How To Let Your Intuition Convince You

Perry has been doing this positively focused lifestyle for a while. Starting to learn to trust your intuition? Don’t start with opening your relationship.

Start with small things.

Before Perry’s story we were talking about “false” outcomes being as important as “true” results. Both offer valuable insights. What insights do “true” results offer? Clues showing you how intuition works so you can trust it.

Let’s say you’re using your intuition to guide you to a parking spot. You lightly set your intention. When you get where you’re going, you envision an open parking spot near your destination will be waiting.

Then you get ready to go. You’re positively focused, paying attention to all the great things about your life. Maybe you’ve practiced this process for several weeks. So you’re in a really good mood, and have been for a while.

So when you arrive, not only is there a parking spot. You have “rock star” parking: the parking space right in front of the store. Elation!

It works!

What proof! You recognize the co-incidence of your intent and the realization of it.

Or…

You arrive and you don’t get a space. It’s crowded and it takes you a while to park.

Either way, what happens next is important.

You want to note what happened. You also want to note how you felt through the process. Get your journal ready and answer these questions:

  1. How was I feeling right before I acted? Positive? Ornery? Frustrated? Calm?
  2. Did I feel anything about my intention? Optimistic? Eager? Positive? Or doubtful, worried, silly, embarrassed or disbelieving?
  3. Did I get any kind of confirmation that I would fulfill this intention? Was there a shiver in the spine or goosebumps at any point along the way?
  4. How was the “intensity” of the confirmation (if one was received)? Was it light and passing? Or was it a feeling that wouldn’t end? Did it (the intensity) remain steady? Or did it increase over time?
  5. If I did receive confirmation, was there a difference in how it felt? For example, was it more a feeling and less of “words in my head” or vice versa?
  6. Where was the feeling? Was it “high” in my head? Or was it “deep” in my head? Or was it in my stomach? Or was it all over?

With these questions, you can start pinpointing what the process feels like along the way. With practice, you learn the language your intuition speaks.

What if you’re experiencing negative emotion like frustration?

Frustration, disbelief, or any other negative emotions are positive. They tell you there are beliefs you hold working against you. If you didn’t feel them, how would you know you had such beliefs?

So negative emotions aren’t what people think they are. In every case, they are helpful. They tell you whether you’re 100 percent on track with your intention. Or not.

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So when you feel a negative emotion, you want to examine your beliefs. There will be a thought in your head expressing the belief. “This is all bullshit” is a thought telling you you have a belief that goes “this doesn’t work” or “I don’t believe this”. It sometimes is accompanied by anger, indignation, feeling critical, impatient, belligerent, or judgmental.

Embarrassment or shame is something a person might feel when trying something for the first time. Embarrassment shows you believe other people’s opinions about what you’re doing are more important than getting what you want.

When you identify the belief, write it down.

Then use this process to soothe that belief over time. Your beliefs determine what you get. So negative emotion is a gift: it points to beliefs preventing you from getting what you want. Remember, intuition leads you to what you believe. Not what you want.

Let’s say you didn’t get the parking spot, and you don’t have a negative feeling. The “false” result offers insight to other potential sticking points. One may be something you’re doing (or not doing) that the “false” outcome is pointing to.

As we said before, you might be too invested in the outcome. You might be putting forth too much effort (action). Or, you might not have refined your intuitional listening.

For example, in a particular exercise Perry is doing these days, he gets four choices. Only one of them is “true”. The exercise helps refine his intuitional listening. Here’s a picture of the exercise platform with one of his test outcomes.

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Sometimes, during this game, he will feel two communications offering two different choices simultaneously. Sometimes both are “true”. One being “true” now…the next being “true” in the next trial. Here intuition is sending answers to two different trials.* It feels like mixed messages. But it’s actually two messages delivered at the same time.

Your intuition operates outside of time and space. It’s sending you information all the time. Your job is learn to cull what you’re wanting from the constant information stream.

Humans are used to linear time. Learning to trust intuition means unlearning one’s familiarity with that. And the idea that everything happens in a single file, one-moment-after-another process.

“False” outcomes also help ease your focuse on results, causing you to enjoy the journey more. The outcome is not the goal: the connection to your inner knowing is. That’s the goal. Not the outcome.

(We needed to repeat that because it’s really, really important).

Relaxing into the journey is the goal. Not the outcome.

The cool thing is, when you’re focused on the real goal, the happy side effects (“true” results) come easily. And delightfully.

Like Perry’s open relationship.

Get good at hearing your intuition. Master focusing on the connection between you and you, which is the “true” result you’re wanting. Then more and more evidence, i.e. “true” outcomes, will pile up.

One day you’ll realize you are trusting your intuition. Because evidence in your life experience is so plentiful you can’t help but trust. Then you’re on your way.

On your way to what? You are on your way to your individual invincibility.

*You can download and play this game yourself here.