How To Have Easy Conversations With Conservative People

Joshua Ness Converstation FB blog
Photo: Joshua Ness

There is rancor in America and elsewhere. No time more than today is communication proficiency, self control, presence of mind and command of intention needed.

Also needed: compassion, honesty, openness and vulnerability.

As a progressive, if you’re expecting conservatives bring these, satisfaction is not in your future. Conservatives are scared and for good reason.

When a human being is scared, they do and say irrational things. Scared people try controlling environmental factors by any means necessary. If they’re scared enough, they’ll get violent.

These acts are typical for any human. Not only conservatives.  Progressives verge on similar insecurity-fueled irrationality. The Anti-facists are a great example.

But progressives have no basis for their fear. They are winning.

Conservatives have a LOT of basis for their fear. A biological basis, as we pointed out here. The future – our collective future – offers lots too. It threatens everything they hold dear.

We therefore offer this guide to progressives. Progressives are best positioned to make history. Not by changing conservative minds. But by changing how they approach conservatives.

This guide presents a path forward. Life-changing,  gratifying conversations with conservatives are possible. Conversations that can change opinions are too. These are sorely needed, but they’re not happening today’s social discourse. Not enough anyway.

This opinion-changing must happen on an individual-by-individual basis. Influence on such an insignificant level can change nations.

It’s amazing what happens when a person feels heard. It’s also amazing we get so many positive responses from conservatives, such as this one:

“Thank you for your kind thoughts. It is refreshing to connect with someone with whom I can discuss some of the challenges confronting our society without the rancor too often associated with such discussions. We do have our differences…”

Progressives don’t need to change the world. They need to change their approach.

So what follows describes practical, sure-fire approaches. They will work.

However, you must practice them. Becoming genuinely proficient with them will transform your experience. Not only with your conservative fellow Americans, but anyone you disagree with.

But….and it’s a big one: if you’re not genuine in your desire to form real human bonds with a fellow human being; a human being you right now may consider your existential enemy, you will not get far. Your desire to connect with this other human must be sincere. These are not debating tactics.

 

Your Ground Rules

Before offering the approaches let’s set your ground rules. Your rules of engagement. Not engagement with the prospective conservative. We’ll talk about that later.

These rules of engagement are for how you will engage your humanity and your brain in service of your cause. Which is to connect meaningfully with a human you may currently consider your enemy and, through that connection, have an inspiring positive experience via conversation.

So here are your ground rules:

  1. You will not allow words to trigger your well-honed sensitivity to offense. Words are just that. Words. You are not under threat. Even if a threat is offered, they are words. A real threat is immanent behavior likely resulting in serious personal injury. Not someone’s lips moving. Maintain your calm no matter what is said. Better yet, replace your sensitivity to offense with a healthy sense humor. 
  2. Your goal is connection. Not winning. You are not trying to persuade a conservative to become progressive. Conservatives serve a beneficial purpose within humanity. Your goal is connection. So you can fulfill your primary and secondary intents and commitments, outlined below.
  3. Your primary intent/commitment is: understanding. You must be clear and rigid in your desire to hear, understand and inquire further into what the conservative believes.
  4. Your secondary (but no less important) intent:  finding commonalities between you and your conservative conversation partner.

Follow these ground rules while applying approaches described here. You’ll be stunned as you discover how human conservatives are. Your mind will expand and you’ll understand where conservatives are coming from.

You may even become genuinely compassionate towards conservatives. Rather than claiming to be compassionate while hating conservatives. Hate, annoyance, extreme frustration are not compassion. That’s hypocrisy. If you’re progressive.

 

Distinguishing The Context

Now let’s talk about context. To do so we’ll distinguishing two labels which describe communication between two people. People often confuse one for the other. Doing so, they get in trouble.

You want a conversation with the conservative. The word “conversation” may mean to you the same thing as “discussion”, the other word we’re going to clarify. But these words are NOT the same. They describe two totally different intents, processes, outcomes, contexts and feelings.

One aligns with your intent (presuming you’re wanting connection). The other does not.

 

You want conversation

“Conversation” is a talk, usually an informal one, between two or more people exchanging ideas. You know this. But you may not know the word’s origin. Words’ origins carry their meaning so much better sometimes than their definition. So let’s look at the origin of “conversation”. Here it is:

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Interesting, eh? A conversation then, is something that ends with you having a feeling of “living among, or having intimate familiarity,” with the person with whom you have conversed. This is what you want.  You want a conversation. Not a discussion.

 

Not a discussion

Let’s contrast conversation now with “discussion”. A discussion is “the action or process of talking about something in order to reach a decision or to exchange ideas.”

That sounds laudable. It’s not though.

Not in the context of making a connection with, and understanding another human being.

Discussions don’t breed familiarity. In discussions, you’re just throwing back and forth opinions. Discussions get you nowhere if you’re trying to connect.

But wait, there’s more.

People don’t generally understand what “discussion” connotes. Probably because, like “converstation”, they don’t understand the word’s origin. Here is the origin of the word “discussion”, the noun and verb so you get a clear picture.

Screen Shot 2019-03-26 at 06.04.50 AM

Screen Shot 2019-03-26 at 06.05.02 AM

So the intent of “discussions” is not to gain familiarity and a sense of living among the person you are speaking with. No. Its intent is “to examine by argument, to tear apart, shake or dash to pieces.”

Does that sound like the basis of connection?

We don’t think so either.

· · ·

Progressives and conservatives are not trying to connect. They are tearing each other apart. And the country along with them.

They are discussing. Not conversing.

If you want a groundbreaking interaction with a conservative, you’re going to have to move out of discussion mode and into conversation mode.

Ok?

 

The Right Way To Approach Conservatives

So here are the approaches. They only work if you stridently refuse to be baited. Strive instead for connection and understanding (your ground rules).

If you can’t stick to the ground rules, it’s best you first practice with someone who can role play a conservative until you get the hang of it.

The approach:

  1. Ask more questions than sharing your opinion.
  2. Express over and over your sincere desire to understand their point of view, not to exert yours, until they relent, i.e. realize you really do want to understand them.
  3. Beseech your conservative to stick to answering your questions. If they avoid or refuse to answer your questions, keep (politely) redirecting the conversation back to your questions, or express vulnerability (we’ll offer an example in a moment) that may trigger them reciprocating.
  4. When the conservative answers your question, offer sincere praise and appreciation. It is not standard practice for someone who is fearful and feeling defensive to answer a question, particularly one that demands they be vulnerable. Especially a question asked by someone the responder believes is the enemy of their values. So reward them for taking a risk.
  5. When the person answers your question, and you have praised them, ask more questions. Offer limited information you may want to share. Instead, listen to the person’s answers.
  6. When they answer, take in what they say. Chew on it, prepare a relevant response. Then offer the response in the form of a question or a polite rebuttal supported with examples.
  7. If they ask a question, answer it. If you don’t have an answer, say so. Risk looking stupid. And if they call you stupid or a loser or whatever, remember ground rule number one.
  8. Repeat these steps.

We’re not offering this in a vacuum. It has worked for Perry several times now to remarkable results. Not every time, but often enough to recommend them. We’re offering one complete example that happened on facebook. We’re offering this example because of the documented evidence. Anyone can look at it to see what happened.

Despite Perry misstepping in several moments, the conversation went quite well. Here’s an overview of it:

Perry offered the following Meme on his wall.

meme blog

It’s inaccurate (which the conservative responders pointed out). But the purpose of sharing it was for conversation. Conversation did happen. It ended with the following statement. This from a conservative who at first expressed himself aggressively:

I enjoyed reading your post. We do have more in common it seems….I wish you much success in your endeavors!

This is where you want to end up. It won’t happen every time, but if you practice, you’ll get better at it. Perry screwed up in this facebook exchange a couple times. But he still ended with positive results in line with the above ground rules, objectives/intents.

So we know if you sincerely use these approaches, you’ll find yourself in a new reality. One where conservatives turn out to be human.

Just like you.

 

Don’t Get Triggered

loser comment from Twitter
A conservative defending her life-decisions, then name calling Perry in a tweet.

People who believe conservatively have been trained to be tough. They live in a brutish world where it’s dog eat dog, and survival of the fittest.

Their manner of interaction feels like discussion. Confrontational, gruff, belligerent. Not conversational. At first.

So be prepared for rebuffs, snide accusations, and direct insults. It will sound like you’re talking to Alex Jones, Donald Trump or Rush Limbaugh instead of the person you’re talking with.

After all, for many conservatives, these people are their heroes. So of course they will pattern their discussion style on those peoples’ styles.

Intelligent conservatives, taking a cue from many conservative activist organizational playbooks, such as the college campus-focused Turning Point USA, will try to bait you into losing your control.

Don’t take the bait.

 

Compassion Wins. Always.

Self control is your best friend. Again, if you suck at self control, your best fallback is your leftie compassion.

But if “compassion” is just a word for you, or worse, something you believe you “can’t afford in these times”, which is actually something a progressive told Perry recently, then you’ve already lost.

There is always room for compassion. The best, most effective progressives – Jesus, Ghandi, MLK, Harvey Milk –  have demonstrated this time and time again.

You must contain your disgust. You must respond with vulnerability. Even in the face of their disgust of you (and what they presume you believe).

For example, when Perry clarified errors a conservative made in interpreting Perry’s previous comment, the person offered the following:

I’d like to continue proving my points but you don’t seem too receptive to the logic I’m providing. Your idea of what a necessity is leaves me wondering how much of a privileged life you must have and probably still do live. Many people survive without an education and many walk to jobs or bike. Many live healthy lives without doctors and hospitals. It’s a shame that you don’t seem to have facts to support your assertions, or did I miss them somewhere in your previous posts? Again I appreciate your ‘opinion’ and respectfully disagree with most if not all of them. Assertions without facts to support them lead me to believe that all of your points are opinion based.

In response, Perry could have been triggered as a person of color, being accused of enjoying privilege. Instead, Perry offered vulnerability. How? By acknowledging his privilege:

So now let’s talk about my privilege, which is a funny thing to bring up IMO. But as I said, I’m more than happy to chat about whatever you bring up.

I am privileged. I live in a great country. It has ALWAYS been great. It also can be improved. I live in the west. I live in a democratic society. I get to live pretty much wherever my finances make it possible to live. I have a wife who loves me, pets who adore me. I enjoy the sunshine, the beautiful state of Oregon and all it has to offer. I enjoy clean air, a healthy body and mind. I enjoy clean delicious food my wife makes for me or I make. I enjoy an adventurous life, where I get to spend my time doing pretty much whatever floats my boat. My life is getting better and better as is my prosperity. I realize my eternal nature and from that I know anything is possible.

I’m also male. I’m a “black” male. I came into the world with the perfect timing such that I can enjoy both these in relative security and comfort (compared to other times). I’m also non-binary. I’m free of constraints of being “straight” (thank god!). I have the fluidity of thought to see the world from multiple perspectives, and not just human ones. I have the privilege to have time to think about life – ordinary day-to-day life, but also extraordinary aspects of life, such as what happens after death and how all that happens after death (and before birth) shapes what happens between birth and death. I have found those answers. From those answers, I know things a LOT of people don’t know. So yeah, I’m privileged. But no more than anyone can be. I can pretty much do right now, whatever floats my boats.

It just so happens, what floats my boats is creating a world where EVERYONE has the opportunity to do whatever THEY want to float THEIR boats….

You can’t be vulnerable if you’re triggered. You can’t offer cogent thoughtful replies either when you’re triggered. When you get triggered, you offer fodder confirming conservative beliefs about you and other progressives (liberals). Don’t be this guy:

Offer Food For Thought

Once you have earned their attention by thoughtfully, calmly and constructively listening to, and then expressing understanding, only then should you offer “food for thought”.

Food for thought is not telling them they are wrong. This isn’t about right and wrong. Your food for thought should be an attempt to surface their human connection to other humans…even ones they believe aren’t worthy of that connection.

So for example, when a conservative says people who don’t work are parasites and deserve to starve, you must figure out a way to show how a person can do whatever he wants (even not work, for example) but shouldn’t have to starve. Or worse, work a job but not afford healthcare.

If you can’t do that, you have no basis for making such a claim. And a conservative will tell you.

Some conservatives (many people actually) view people negatively. Conservatives particularly believe people are lazy good-for-nuthins. People must earn their living by doing productive work, they believe. These beliefs aren’t factual. They’re conditioned or taught, which is exactly what a conservative told Perry recently:

…Maybe it’s because i’ve been conditioned to believe a certain way or possibly my life experience has taught me to be cautious….

A good way to chart unknown territory with a conservative: appeal to their well-known territory (for the conservative). That is, talk about liberty. But not the way conservatives talk about it.

Liberty as you may know, is a major conservative talking point. But the kind of liberty (aka “freedom”) conservatives believe in is a kind of pseudo-freedom. It’s not really freedom as it is based on coercion: As far as conservatives believe, your freedom doesn’t extend to being a lazy parasite on society. Another way of putting that is: your freedom shouldn’t cost me or anyone else. So pull your own weight.

The response to this point is: “you’re right. And in the 21st Century no one’s freedom should cost anyone anything. This is the future. Everything is possible.”

· · ·

Perry likes offering this tasty morsel, which creates amazing moments that, at first, stupefies conservatives. But then leads to remarkable, real, conversations.

It begins with Perry’s definition of real freedom:

“A person who is really free can do nothing if that’s what they want to do. A person who wants to spend all their time learning to paint, play video games all day, or fish or whatever, can. And they can do those things (or anything else) without going hungry, living on the street, or getting care for their body (or mind) if necessary. If they’re free that is. They can also get all the education they need or want to learn or improve any skill while doing whatever they want without having to earn money to get those things. And…the person exercising their freedom can do so without anyone else having to do anything they don’t want to do to support that person.”

A definition like that will short circuit most people’s brains (conservative and progressive) namely because most people can’t figure out how this kind of freedom is possible. Perry explains how this is possible. Then shows how the world is careening towards exactly that outcome for everyone.

Your food for thought, therefore, must halt a conservative’s talking points in its tracks. It must get them genuinely thinking. Not spouting conservative boilerplate.

Another example: Perry was at a Starbucks recently. There he happened to sit in a nest of conservatives. That wasn’t his intent. It just happened.

One of the conservative’s asked “what do you do for a living?”

“I don’t do anything for a living,” Perry said.  “I don’t believe my living requires me to do anything.”

This conservative’s friend, Mary, piped in.

“So you’re a socialist,” She said.

“No. I’m not,” Perry said.

“Then what are you?” Mary asked.

Knowing Mary was likely a conservative, and therefore Christian (which she was) Perry said “I am what Jesus is.”

That derailed Mary’s train of thought. Now Mary had to ask a question likely not included in her talking points:

“What do you mean?” She asked.

“I am that I am,” Perry said.

The conversation turned to Christianity. Perry is not Christian, but he is well-versed on fundamental accuracies upon which Christianity’s distortions are based.

So he was able to form a connection with Mary through her religious beliefs. Then he turned the conversation towards Christian compassion. He was about to ask Mary if her compassion extends to immigrants and if not why not.

But Mary ran out of time (she had to catch a plane).

Still, you can see, by not getting baited into a debate about “socialism” and name calling, and instead connecting with something Mary held dear (her Christian beliefs), Perry found room in between Mary’s boilerplate about people who she prejudges as “socialists”.

You can do this too.

And not only will the conversations you have stun you in their originality, you’ll learn that underneath all that lashing out, anger and conservative closed-mindedness is a human being wanting to be understood and connected with.

That is the short answer to this entire approach. Giving conservatives what they want, so their minds open.

· · ·

If progressives really want the world they want, they must find a way to give conservatives what they want.

Until you know what that is, you can’t give it to them. And you can’t know unless you understand them. And, you can’t understand them unless you’re willing to talk with them.

And finally, if your approach is based on not understanding justified conservative fear that they’re losing everything, and that’s why they are lashing out, you’re going to have a hard time having a conversation with them.

Rancor in America and elsewhere can be mended. But you can’t expect conservatives to make the first step.

Someone has to though. That someone can be you. And this guide can help.

How To Read Successful People’s Success Stories

Clark Tibbs do something great FB blog
Photo: Clark Tibbs On Unsplash

There are so many people out there offering success recipes.

Facebook, YouTube and other social media advertisement services opened the flood gates. Now, anyone with a success story and some digital tools can hawk their “proven” success tips.

Then there are the “Uber Successsful.”

Millions follow Uber Successfuls, with stardom in their eyes. They want wealth, happiness, the good life. Celebrity.

Anthony Robbins, Gary Vaynerchuk, Arnold Schwarzenegger and many others, offer how their hard work, persistence and vision made them successful.

You can do what they did, they say…

But…

Successfuls, both minor and major camouflage how easy success really is. They don’t do it on purpose. So if you want success, listen to these people. But first, learn how to read their stories.

Drop quote blog
Photo: Annie Spratt On Unsplash

Successfuls don’t understand the “how” of their success. That’s why their recipes emphasize what’s irrelevant and downplay success’ ingredients.

Learn to read the typical success story though, and you unlock real doors to success. Like successful people promise.

· · ·

Take Arnold Schwarzenegger. Everyone knows his success. Watch this video, seen many millions of times across the internet. In it, Arnold distills his success to five essential rules.

Fortunately, none of the rules he offers made him successful. Want Arnold’s success? Let’s distill what really happened.

Generally, successful people like Arnold suggest specific action. Action you must take to get results. Actions they say will make you successful. While focusing on action, they gloss over the secrets. Secrets all successful people use (and we do mean all).

The reason they don’t speak plain about them? Most aren’t aware what they are. They call them “lucky breaks”, or “chance” or “fortunate events”.

A few come close, but miss, attributing success to “God”.

The rest ascribe 80-90 percent of their success to their hard work, their actions, what they knew or who they knew. They assign 20 percent, or less, to “luck”.

Here’s what’s remarkable about that: it’s the opposite.

Ninety percent or more of their success was “luck”. Effort represents a minuscule percentage.

That means, your success depends on “luck” too.

· · ·

Here’s the good news: It’s not luck.

Success happens via direct, deliberate easy-to-use processes. Processes you control. Processes Successfuls use. That means, any outcome you want is possible.

You don’t need luck. You only need to know the processes. Then you can manufacture “luck” at will.

More good news: It’s impossible not to be successful. That’s because you already know how the processes work. You’ve only temporarily forgotten.

(photo of person thinking)

You listened to the video. Notice Arnold ascribing all his success to his five rules? Notice his casual references about where luck mattered?

Probably not. But we did. Let’s recap.

How Arnold’s Success (And Every Other Success) Really Happens

At 00:25, Arnold introduces his success “rules”. These rules, he says, work for anyone. “Rules” imply things you must do. They also imply things you must not do (don’t break the rules).

Don’t follow the rules, Arnold says.  You won’t be successful. Or happy!

But life doesn’t work that way. You are eternal. It’s not possible to “not be successful”.

Eternity has no finish line. You always get do overs. There’s a second chance, a third, a fourth, fifth, sixth…etc., on through eternity.

do over blog
Every next moment is a change to start anew.  (Meme: By the author)

 

But when you think “oh boy, there are RULES I’m going to have to follow?” that lengthens your success path.

There are no rules you must follow.

At around 00:38, Arnold describes Rule #1: “Find” your vision and follow it.

Have no vision or goal, he says, and you’ll drift around and not be happy.

Arnold says, if you don’t “find” your vision, you’re lost. But he doesn’t explain “how” to find your vision. Maybe he didn’t have time to explain. Perhaps he doesn’t know how.

Visions or goals aren’t something you “find”. You can’t help but have them! Life experiences evoke from within you unending desires. THOSE ARE YOUR VISIONS. Arnold describes this, but not in his rules. Instead he buries it in his life story.

Though Life Experience Visions Are Automatic

After Germany and Austria’s defeat in World War II, Arnold wanted escape. He wanted out of war-torn Europe. That was his first vision! His first goal. Did he have to “find” it?

No!

His life experience drew it from him.

That’s how your life works. From your experiences you birth visions and dreams. Visions sometime feel like dislikes. Arnold disliked Austria. He wanted to escape. That was his vision. He didn’t need to find it!

Arnold’s rule number one is wrong. There’s no “finding” your vision. They come automatically.

Yet, less than a minute into his speech, Arnold reveals secret number one. At 00:54 after knowing he wanted to escape, he “luckily” watched a documentary about America.

Arnold Revealing Secrets 1 blog
Arnold Giving up the secrets. You always know Successfuls share  real secrets when they use keywords such as “luck” or “fortunate”. (Photo credit: YouTube/Goalcast)

Was this luck?

If it was, then you’re screwed.

Because luck only happens to the lucky!

Good news: it wasn’t luck! This is how life works for everyone.

Arnold had life experience. Life experience clarified his vision. Get out of Austria. But he didn’t know how or “to where”. His Broader Perspective did though. His Broader Perspective arranged his life to include the documentary. It was not “luck”. The film showed up on purpose.

It’s likely Arnold doesn’t know he has a Broader Perspective. So instead of giving credit where it’s due, he called it “luck”.

When successful people tell success stories, keep listening for keywords like “luck”. When they use such words, they’re giving up secrets. Their secrets are not actions, advice or rules you must follow.

Only one thing makes you successful: lining up with you Broader Perspective. It is arranging your success all the time. Your Broader Perspective always speaks to you. Most of the time, you’re not listening…Successful people find a way to listen.

Successful people would have no stories to tell without Broader Perspective’s involvement.

· · ·

Ask any successful person you know if they could predict when, where and from whom these “lucky breaks” would happen. Every person will say “no”. Human awareness is too small to know.  It’s too small to arrange billions of events, and resources becoming your life. Including people who’s ideas will benefit you. Ideas those people haven’t even had yet!

Trippy, right?

All this is beyond normal human perception. Right up until such events become reality. But it’s child’s play for your Broader Perspective.

After seeing the documentary, Arnold “knew that is exactly where I wanted to end up” he says. Young Arnold got excited. “Excited” is an emotion. Emotions tell you you’re on your way to success. That’s their purpose.

Arnold was on his success path. He felt positive, excited. All he had to do now was keep following his vision as it evolved. Broader Perspective would do the heavy lifting (pun intended). It would create one event after another.

When strung together, Arnold would find himself successful.

It’s that easy. It’s so easy, you can do it.

So did Arnold have to “find” the vision of “ending up in America”? Nope. Then why do you?

Next, he asked “how will I get there?” The answer already existed. His Broader Perspective already held the experience “ending up in America”. It already had shaped many paths leading to America. Paths including people who could help Arnold get there.

It didn’t matter Arnold didn’t know how he would get there. Just by asking the question, he matched his Broader Perspective’s “knowing”.

What happened next reveals another secret having nothing to do with Arnold’s effort.

At 1:09, Arnold says: “…One day I was fortunate enough to see a bodybuilding magazine…” In the magazine, he says, he read an article about Reg Park, a former Mr. Universe.

Another keyword blog
Arnold’s second clue. The keyword “fortunate” always points to knowledge, the speaker is unware they have. (Photo: YouTube/Goalcast)

“Fortunate” is another keyword. When Successfuls uses this word, perk up. Here’s what they’re saying. “I don’t know how the heck this happened, but it made me successful, so pay attention, I’m telling you the secret”.

Arnold couldn’t get himself out of Austria on his own. He had no idea “how”. He had no money. No one did. He had no idea “where” he’d go.

But his Broader Perspective had answers to how and who and where. The documentary, then Reg Park were answers Arnold wanted.

Arnold got inspired. He felt excitement. In his excitement, he primed the next major event. The more positively focused you are, the quicker things happen.

At 01:22 Arnold says “I read the article as fast as I could”. Park’s success boosted Arnold’s enthusiasm. You could say Park and Arnold share the same nonphysical origins. Park’s experience pointed the way for Arnold’s ambitions. Through Park’s example, Arnold realized his own path.

Life works like this for everyone. It is not luck. It is not fortune. It is not random. You have life experience. It spurs desire. Broader Perspective makes it real at once.

You don’t experience that realness as immediate as your Broader Perspective. Why?

Because desires become real slower in physical reality than in nonphysical. In nonphysical, things become things immediately.

It’s a good thing it’s different here. Too much crazy stuff would happen otherwise. But that’s another story.

Just know that your success happens exactly as Arnold’s. Not successful yet? You will be, after you learn how do to what Arnold did. Not what he says he did. What he actually did.

In other words, no rules.

Arnold describes Park “all of a sudden” landing “in Rome. He’s doing Hercules movies” after training and winning Mr. Universe.

But Park’s success (and Arnold’s) didn’t happen “all of a sudden”. It happened over time. “All of a sudden” is a keyword phrase. During that time, did Park or Arnold work hard? Struggle? Sacrifice? We don’t know about Park.

But that’s how Arnold describes it. If you watch Arnold’s training footage, however, you would see he wasn’t working hard.

It didnt matter blog
Note the yellow box. Arnold acknowledges his “hard work” and “struggle” “didn’t matter”. (Photo: YouTube/Goalcast)

More likely, he was enjoying it. That’s how he explains it. But you must listen carefully.

At 2:04 he says hard work wasn’t part of the equation. Nor struggle. “It didn’t matter” he said. Why? Because he found his passion. Meaning: he knew he was on his path.

· · ·

Let’s summarize so far. Here are the first steps to everyone’s success:

  1. Your desires, automatically surface through life experience. These are your visions/goals.
  2. Now you know what you want. That moment, your Broader Perspective becomes that. It then sends you clues via intuition, events and circumstances spurring your desire. It’s never full blown desire fulfillment. It’s bread crumbs on a path.

Watch Arnold’s speech again. See if you can ignore Arnold’s rules. Instead, tune in to keywords in his story. Keywords indicating how Arnold (and every successful person) unknowingly reveals real secrets. Secrets so secret, even Successfuls don’t know them. Even though they share them.

Arnold’s “rules” had nothing to do with his success.

Speed Builds As Success Gets Bigger

Later in his speech, Arnold’s early successes inspire even bigger desires. He’s had some success. He’s feeling confident. So he shoots for bigger dreams.

At 2:30 he talks about being another John Wayne. But he wouldn’t be able to have had that grand vision had he not started with his smaller one: leaving war-torn Austria.

That dream got fulfilled when he first saw the documentary, then read the magazine. By then, he knew how (follow Park’s example) and where (go to America).

So Arnold didn’t follow Rule #2: Never ever think small. He thinks he followed it, but his first thought wasn’t huge. It wasn’t “become the next John Wayne.” It was “get out of Austria.”

Not “become the next Mr. Universe”.

Not “Become a movie star”.

Just: get out of Austria. Where? “I don’t know!” How? “I don’t know, I just want to escape!”

When you have a small goal, it’s just as big as a big goal, because small goals lead to bigger ones. You don’t have to start with a big one. Start where you are.

Arnold didn’t have a big goal to start. He started where he was.

You don’t have to have big dreams.

Next we come to Arnold’s Rule #3: ignore the naysayers.

Arnold didn’t follow this rule either. He did listen. Why do you think he took english classes, accent removal classes, diction classes…

Meanwhile Arnold’s Broader Perspective delivers what Arnold calls “a little break”.

But it actually was a massive real-ization: a part in a TV show.

That part lead to Pumping Iron, which made Arnold niche famous.

Then Stay Hungry came.

By this time, Arnold’s dreams blossomed more and more. The more real they got, the happier and more confident Arnold got. Arnold’s attention turned to bigger and more exciting dreams and desires. How? His dreaming capacity increased with each previously fulfilled goal.

Again, that’s how life works.

Conan The Barbarian: The Big Break

Then came Conan The Barbarian. Let’s talk about Conan the Barbarian, something Arnold calls “the big break”.

Conan the barbarian poster blog
The Epic Conan Poster.

 

Arnold says it came “finally”. As though he had been waiting a long time.

But he’s not recognizing every fulfilled desire preceding this famous movie. Each fulfilled desire made the next possible. Fulfilled dreams come in succession. Not in a Big Bang.

Conan was impossible before Stay Hungry. Stay Hungry: impossible before Pumping Iron. Pumping Iron: impossible before that TV role. All Arnold’s acting, impossible before his preparation. His preparation, impossible before winning Mr. Universe. Winning Mr. Universe, impossible were it not for Reg Park and the magazine article. The magazine article, impossible before the documentary. The documentary, impossible before wanting to escape. Wanting to escape, impossible before the aftermath of WWII.

A long series of manifestations, one leading to the other, made Conan The Barbarian possible. Including events having nothing to do with Arnold.

That’s important!

First, there had to be a Conan The Barbarian concept. Original Conan stories were first published in 1932. That’s fifteen years before Arnold was even born (1947)!

The Conan stories then had to become comic books. They started out as fantasy stories. Not comic books.

Frank Frazetta, a famous fantasy artist, was born in 1928. Well before Arnold could have known about Reg Park. Frazetta’s art became famous. According to Wikipedia, “His interpretation of Conan visually redefined the genre of sword and sorcery, and had an enormous influence on succeeding generations of artists.”

In other words, Frazetta’s art boosted Conan’s mystique.

Somewhere along the line, the Conan fantasy inspired a future movie director. All these events happened well before Arnold started acting!

See?

Many events, inspirations, sparks of imaginations. Imaginations happening well before Arnold was born!

Then, came Arnold’s tiny dream: Get heck out of Austria.

Conan was monumental. Note how Arnold describes it. We’re pasting his verbatim commentary so you can read it without the video. It’s thrilling:

“…You know what was so interesting about it was the director said that at the press conference, if we wouldn’t have had Schwarzenegger with those muscles, we would have had to build one.”

Then, about Terminator:

“James Cameron said, the “I’ll be back” line became the most famous movie lines in history because of Arnold’s crazy accent because he sounded like a machine!”

Here’s what we wrote before about these kinds of events. Events organized by your Broader Perspective:

“When your Broader Perspective organizes events in your life, it works with other people’s Broader Perspectives. Your Broader Perspective has your best interests in mind. Other people’s Broader Perspectives have your interests in mind too. And vice versa. So when a person shows up in your life, they agreed, through their Broader Perspective, to be there. In being there, they get what they are wanting. Even as you get what you want. Everyone in any situation gets the same thing: what they want.  There are no exceptions to this.”

That director’s Broader Perspective, and James Cameron’s Broader Perspective, Frank Frazetta’s Broader Perspective, Reg Park’s Broader Perspective….were and are working with Arnold’s Broader Perspective. Such coordination got/is getting everyone what they wanted/want.

Did you get a little shiver down your spine, or goose bumps across your body?

That’s your Broader Perspective agreeing with us. Because what we’re sharing with you is 100 percent accurate. You have control over this process. Let’s review the steps adding steps three and four:

  1. Your desires surface through life experience. These are your visions/goals. It’s automatic.
  2. Now you know what you want. That moment, your Broader Perspective becomes that. It then sends you clues via intuition, events and circumstances spurring more desire. It’s never full blown desire fulfillment. It’s bread crumbs on a path.
  3. You must now merge with your Broader Perspective. You’ll then hear clues and perceive event chains. These event chains are desires fulfilled over time. How do you know you’re merged? You are positively focused. You are happy, appreciative, joyful, excited, inspired. All these tell you you’re merged.
  4. Watch what happens. Celebrate when desires get fulfilled, then move back to step one.

These basic steps make all Successfuls successful. Your success equals anyone on any stage telling you about their success. Working hard isn’t required.

You only need to do what they did. Not what they say they did.

Your success may not look like Arnold’s, or any other’s success. Your life is unique. You’re not here succeed like others. You’re here to succeed in your way.

Successful people don’t share secrets of their success directly. That’s because they don’t know the secrets. Instead they talk about what they did. They encourage you to do what they did. They don’t tell you it’s not about doing. Success is about being. Being merged with your Broader Perspective.

That’s the secret.

Now you know. Now you can listen to their experiences, tune out the irrelevant 10 percent. Then tune in the 90 percent that made them successful.

Pain endurance: unnecessary.

Everything Arnold did, he did because he wanted to. He enjoyed it. Here’s why he says otherwise. Like many successful people, he doesn’t understand how he got success. Instead he justifies his success. How? By saying he found his vision, worked his ass off, didn’t listen to anyone and endured pain. Performing altruism is a nice touch. But as you know, many successful people become altruistic after succeeding.

None of those things made him successful.

What made him successful were “lucky” breaks, big and small. Those and “fortunate” events impossible to arrange on his own.

Those events his Broader Perspective arranged. Yours can too.

We invite you to listen again to Arnold’s story. Or any successful person’s story. See if you can tune out the rules. Tune out what they said they did, and listen to the 90 percent their Broader Perspective did for them.

Arnold’s story is inspiring. But ignore his advice. Learn to read his story correctly. Hear the “hidden message” to turn inward. Listen to your own Broader Perspective. Merge with it. Then chart your own delightful path.

How? By staying positively focused.

Need more help? That’s why we’re here.

Your Future Lies In Leisure, Fun And Happiness

Jordan Whitfield work harder FB blog
Photo: Jordan Whitfield on Unsplash

Do you work hard?

If so, why?

Have you thought about it? Are you doing it because you must? Are you doing it because if you don’t work hard, you’ll be fired? Are you doing it because it’s the only way to get income?

Or do you do it because you think you enjoy it? Are you wearing your hard work as a badge of honor? Do you complain or boast about how hard you work, how busy you are? Do you get angry when people think you’re not working hard?

Or maybe you like your job. You find fulfillment there. Two questions for you:

  1. Would you do the work for free?
  2. Would you keep working if you won $500,000,000?

If the answer to either of these questions is “No” then you’re not working because you like it. In the first place, you probably do that work because you need its income. Maybe you’ve chosen work you “like” to get income rather than doing shitty work for it.

That’s not liking your work. It is tolerating it.

Our guess is, afforded other options, working would be the last thing you’d do. No matter how much you say you like it.

Some people “work hard” as justification. They say they work hard. They say that because the think they should. They think they should because society tells them they should. So do parents. So do teachers. So do “leaders”.

“Work hard. Be successful.”

Society rewards your compliance with income, approval and, ironically, more responsibility. More responsibility ensures you’ll work even harder.

If you don’t work hard, society says you’re not paying your way. You’re not earning your living. You’re living off of others. You’re a loser.

loser comment from Twitter

In other words, society, which means other people, shames you into working hard. Shame is like shit: it rolls downhill. Shame makes you shame others who challenge the notion that working hard is or was worth it.

But it’s not worth it.

Maybe you shouldn’t care what society thinks. Not caring what society thinks is far more worthy of approval than working hard. In your not caring what others think, you find authenticity. Persist in that and you find invulnerability.

Think now: if you’re invulnerable, doesn’t that also include all the money you need and then some?

Yes, it does.

Bold assertion, yet 100 percent accurate: the only reason anyone works hard is because they believe they must.  Even those actually working hard –– digging trenches by hand, picking lettuce by hand, or some other literally body-destroying job –– don’t have to do that kind of work.

Every person creates their own reality. That includes how money comes into their life. You’re not a cog working for money. You came to have fun. Not work.

Isis Franca - cog in a machine FB blog
Photo: Isis Franca

“Well, I have to work,” You say.  “I need money to survive.”

Work correlates to income only because you believe that. Trading “value” for income is a belief. Not “reality”. Reality is what you make it. Just because it looks like everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean you must.

And, by the way, not everyone is doing it. 😜

Parents gave a teenager some years ago $1000. He put it all in Bitcoin. Now he’s a millionaire. Did he work hard to become a millionaire?

You don’t either.

As an eternal creator, you came into the world intending joy and ease. Not working for money. Even though society believes otherwise, having fun, being happy and playing is just as valid an avenue to money as working hard. It’s more fun too.

You may scoff reading that. Such reactions only indicate how deeply you believe in needing to work hard. Or even work at all.

In the last two days, Perry had two conversations with two retired women. Both aggressively defended “work hard”. They worked hard most their lives while saving money for “the good life”: retirement.

Defending that notion is understandable. Especially if that’s what you did with your life. It would suck to realize you didn’t have to work your entire life, but did anyway. So we don’t blame older people when they expect others should work hard.

That’s what they did.

We’re here to tell you you don’t have to do that. You can. But it’s not mandatory. It’s not the future either.

Yang quote blog2
Working hard is so 20th century.

 

It is mandatory if you go along with what society says. But “society” only represents collective agreement. Not reality.

For sure not your reality. Unless you believe what they believe.

That feels like this: Deep down you feel simultaneously shitty but also righteously indignant. “Shitty” comes from believing you must “work hard” when you really know you don’t. Indignant comes from knowing deep down it’s bullshit. Yet you’re doing it anyway. You justify “working hard” by pointing to the income you get. But that income represents a pittance of not only what you could get, but what you’re worth.

Your worth is intrinsic. No amount of money can compensate you for that.

Belief that you must work to earn money to live is unnecessary.

The time is neigh where your work-hard-ability will not be enough. The automation of everything is not inevitable. It’s happening. Right now. It’s present tense. Not the future.

This means, real reality is on our side. Meaning, one way or another, you’re either going to become the deliberate creator that you are, now, or, you’re going to do it after you’ve lost your income generating ability.

Either way, that’s humanity’s future.

We’re not here to scare you. The coming future is amazing. It offers unlimited opportunity. The only limits to that opportunity are what you believe is possible. If you believe you and others must earn a living, then the future’s going to be unpleasant for a while.

But only for you and those who believe as you do.

We are the future making the future happen. It’s the future you’re wanting too. But you don’t know that when you’re agreeing with society saying you must prove your worth by working hard.

We suggest you start looking at what you believe. There’s no better time than now to start.

 

M Night Shyamalan On How Powerful You Are

Universal Pictures Films Glass blog
Photo: Universal Pictures (via YouTube)

I watched Glass last night. I walked away astounded. You should see it.

(There are no spoilers here)

Glass is M Night Shyamalan’s latest movie. It is the final piece of a trilogy chronicling superheroes’ origins. Unbreakable was part one. Split is part two.

Shyamalan made his name famous with stunning plot twists in his early films. His most successful back then being Sixth Sense.

Later his name got associated with crap. That’s what he produced in the middle of his career.  He got lost, producing flop after flop.

Somewhere in there, though, he made Unbreakable. It showed Shyamalan still had something to say. In Glass, he said it.

Shyamalan told Rolling Stone Disney heads dampened Unbreakable’s box office success billing it as a “spooky thriller”. It was not that. It’s a superhero movie. But nothing like DC or Marvel movies with all that action and mayhem. Unbreakable is subtle. It reaches into your soul. Using no special effects, it makes its superhero real. 

Like you.

Had Shyamalan had his way, Unbreakable would have done much better. He wanted it billed a comic book movie.

Unbreakable- split blog
Split Poster: Universal Pictures Unbreakable: Touchstone Pictures

I saw Unbreakable seven times. It calls to me. It calls to all of us. Can you hear it?

It describes how I feel about humanity: humanity itself is unbreakable, untouched by life’s circumstances. I know humanity is far more than its circumstances and far more than human. Every one of us are creating everything we’re experiencing, including each other. And we are doing that ongoingly and co-creatively.

That’s Shyamalan’s message too. It runs all the way through Split and spurts out in glorious form at Glass‘ finale. Far from making “spooky thrillers”, Shyamalan is speaking to all of us. What is he saying? You are unique, shine your life. Create the reality you want. The Universe actively supports you.

I know this because he says as much in the Rolling Stone article. He spoke it plainly again on Stephen Colbert’s The Late Show.

 

If you read what I tend to write, I usually write from my broader “we” perspective. I also write a lot about experiences I have in my life. Experiences exactly like Shyamalan told Colbert. Such experiences happen today more than ever. I don’t dismiss them as coincidence because they aren’t.

I know through 30-plus years practicing what I know –– first through meditation, amplified through esoteric martial arts, then briefly through Christianity and followed by 10 years practice with Nichiren Daishonin’s Buddhism.  Then again through esoteric martial arts and more meditation before aligning with Abraham for the last 10 years. All this background and experiential evidence, told in my writing, convinces me this is how life works.  I share my experiences knowing others want clarity I have.

That’s why I resonate with Shyamalan’s movies. He’s sharing what he knows. What I know. And he’s doing it in a beautiful cinematic way.

Which brings me back to Glass. And to you.

Glass‘ grand message is: you’re special. The Universe knows it. And it wants to show you how special you are. But you have to live your authentic life. You have to stop worrying about what others might think about you or how you look.

And though a lot of forces try –– and often succeed –– in convincing you otherwise, everything you want, including a future matching your wildest dreams you already have. And you can make them real. Starting today.

You only have to believe.

· · ·

“Belief” is action. It is born from faith and leads to “knowing”. First a person has to not believe, but want to. That’s faith. “Wanting to believe absent proof”.

Faith tested, births belief if the teaching is accurate. If one persists, the faithful’s life experience rewards faith with corroborating evidence. Guidance and support from someone who demonstrates the teaching’s efficacy through their life experience is crucial. Their experience helps you see evidence you’d otherwise miss. With their help faith turns to believing, which is “intellectual understanding born of evidence”.

Belief isn’t the same as knowing. Knowing is becoming the teaching. It is borne from so much evidence in one’s own life experience, that life experience and the teaching become one.

“I can ride a bike, although I’ve never done so.” That’s faith.

“I can ride a bike because I understand the steps to doing so, even though I’ve never actually done it. I see others doing it. They can. So can I. Teach me.” That’s belief.

“I ride bikes. I do it all the time.” That’s knowing.

As a child, I knew I was the center of the universe.  All points of consciousness are the center of the universe. But like nearly all of us, I let my parents and my life experience at the time convince me otherwise. I lost the knowing. I became a common mortal.

I lost knowing I create the world around me. Life experience mirrored that belief. My life got chaotic and disorganized. My parents divorced. My mom forced me to relocate. In this new place I was teased and ridiculed for how I spoke and behaved. I was assaulted and threatened and robbed.

But my Broader Perspective kept sending signals, calling me back to my knowing. I heard these. But everyday reality had me dismiss them as coincidence, fleeting or random events back then.

Me in the Marines blog
Me in the Marines.

In my 20s, as a US Marine, surrounded by toxic masculinity and the ever-present possibility of combat, I fit in with the guys. Be normal. Which is to say be ignorant of my knowing.

I avoided my gender-neutrality, my transamory and my spiritual clarity. I traded my authenticity for the Marines’ Esprit de Corps, and everything else it meant to be a Marine.

There were cracks though. Through them my Broader Perspective reached me. As did my authenticity. I had dalliances. Spent late nights in gay bars. I fantasized. I met and befriended transgender women. And yearning for spirituality continued.

One night, fed up with life as it was, the young Christian me woke up. It was 3 a.m. in the Barracks at Camp Pendleton, California. Filled with loneliness, despair and an internal existential conflict, I challenged the Christian God. I said if he didn’t show himself or evidence of himself by sunrise, I wasn’t believing in Christianity anymore.  I lit a candle and prayed.

Reveille came. The candle long burnt out. No sign.

I kept my promise.

About a year later I was walking through streets on Okinawa. Living in Japan had been a childhood dream. Being there fulfilled another dream: training alongside the founder of the Bujinkan. Little did I know though, being in Japan sowed seeds that were the end of my Marine Corps identity.

A black car careened off the road onto the sidewalk. It came to a screeching stop right in front of me. Its black windows reflected my surroundings rather than allowing me to see who was inside. A door on the far side flung open. Out of the car came a beautiful older Japanese woman. She ran around the car and nearly collided with me.

She looked me in the eye. “You want to go to a buddhist meeting?”

I said yes.

Buddhism brought more meditation. Chanting Nam Myoho Renge Kyo, studying the sutras and paying attention to my external reality was the first time in a long time I felt the knowing I felt as a child.

More cracks surfaced while working as an electric utility executive, then as an Intel Corporation manager. Authenticity’s voice got louder.

Then one day I realized I had enough of jobs. I had enough of compromising who I was to fit in…

Universal Pictures Films Glass insta blog
Samuel L. Jackson (top), James McAvoy, Bruce Willis in Glass. (Photo: Universal pictures promo)

Twelve years later, here I am. Tuned into my Broader Perspective. Seeing continual signs in my life experience that all people are gifted and glorious and reality creators.

Super human in other words.

Super heroes in Shyamalan’s words.

Abraham once told me in front of over a thousand others in the room: “There’s a reason you chose to come here as a human instead of a clump of dirt.”

We humans are special. We are above human, aka super human. This is what Shyamalan makes films about. This is what I write about. And that’s what resonated so deeply with me after watching Glass last night.

Shyamalan and I are of the same stream. Abraham once told me we humans are not so much individuals, separated from everything and everyone else, as we are a stream of consciousness composed of many others sharing our life experiences and we sharing theirs. I know this now. Which is why I usually refer to me as “we”.

What “we” are includes who others are.

I know this. Shyamalan knows this. In Glass, Shyamalan shares what we know. Go watch Glass. You may come to know too.

 

How To Easily Think Your Way to Happiness

Ben Rosett Happily Ever After FB blog
Photo: Ben Rosett

Everyone is born with unique talents. That includes you.

You also come with tendencies. Tendencies leaning toward expressing those talents. Feeling those tendencies then following them will change your life.

It is not possible to come to earth with no passions, skills, strengths or direction. Are you feeling like you have none of these? Are you bored about life? Feel stuck in a rut? The problem isn’t what you’re doing. It’s how you’re thinking.

You brought everything with you needed to live your greatest life ever. Living your greatest life ever includes consistent happiness.

Happiness is an emotion you conjure deliberately. When you don’t, it comes and goes.

Here’s the secret to living your greatest life ever: Be happy first. Then everything you want comes easily.

There’s a reason you feel bored or tired or sad or unfulfilled. It’s saying “How you are thinking right now needs to change if you want what you want.”

· · ·

Ask someone “what is the purpose of emotions?” You won’t get the answer you just got. Yet it is the key to everything you want.

Not many people know you can become happy in a few seconds no matter what is happening. Not knowing this, happiness is fleeting.

But happiness can be permanent. Learning to conjure happiness is all it takes.

“How do you conjure it?” you ask.

We’ll get to that. But first, let’s spend some time exploring why being happy first gets you all you want.

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Happiness is the key to everything. It’s more than just an emotion. (photo: Artem Bali)

Happy matters…a lot

What if you had two options:

Option A:

Work your ass off. Struggle. Scramble to network and contact. Try to find people you need on your side. Then, some time later….through all kinds of trials and struggles…you make it. Whatever “it” is for you.

It’s a great story to tell. “War wounds” galore. Maybe your marriage failed along the way. Or you have a substance abuse problem. Or you developed an anxiety disorder in the process.

But hey, you made it!

Maybe you’re happy. Maybe you’re satisfied. Maybe?

Sure you might be rich. But you might not be. And if you are, you might lose it. A lot of successful people fear losing their success.

That’s not being happy.

Option B:

Be happy first. Tap into your Broader Perspective so you can feel your tendencies. Then learn to follow them.

This way, happiness comes in two or three minutes instead of after you make it. At that point, you have what you want: you’re happy.

But it doesn’t end there.

The right people, the right timing, the right resources, the right events all happen with little effort on your part. Day after day, what you want starts happening.

You’re getting what you’re wanting. Struggle, stress and anxiety free.

Along the way, your connection to Broader Perspective grows. You lose fears, including the fear of death. Anxiety goes away. Worry does too. You realize you’re eternal. Life becomes fun. And happiness becomes permanent.

To us, the choice is clear. Option B happens exactly like this. Here’s why that is, and why happiness matters.

Created with GIMP
Photo: Hans Vivek

Happiness more than an emotion. It serves a critical purpose. It tells you when your life condition matches your Broader Perspective’s condition.

Your Broader Perspective is the you you are projecting yourself from, into this physical reality. You’re “here” on earth. But you’re also “there” in the timeless, spacious present we call the “moment of becoming“.

The moment you decide you want something, you have it in the spacious present. But you don’t get what you want in physical reality as quickly. Why? Because things happen slower here. That’s a good thing.

How many times have you said, for example, something like “I wish my boss would die, that bastard!” or “I wish I never married my husband!” or “I wish you were never born”?

It’s a good thing you don’t immediately get what you want.

Things don’t have to happen as slow as they do either. They can happen faster. What’s slowing them up? We’re going to tell you.

Planisphæri_cœleste blog
Photo: Frederik de Wit

You have Broader Perspective. It knows all potential outcomes. It knows All That Is. It knows everything you want. It has everything you want. It knows how you can have all you want.

What would that part of you feel? Wouldn’t it be happy, excited, free, joyful and fulfilled?

Your Broader Perspective is you. So is the you here on Earth. When you’re feeling happy, excited, free, joyful and fulfilled, you see the world the same way your Broader Perspective sees it. Seeing the world that way tunes you to your Broader Perspective.

When you’re in tune, you’re able to hear messages it’s sending you. Messages leading you to what you want.

That you can feel happiness (or not happy) is how you tell if you’re tuned to your Broader Perspective. When you’re happy, you’re in tune. When you’re not, you’re not in tune.

The less in tune you are, the less you can hear your messages. Life is harder when you can’t hear your messages. That’s why being happy first is so important. It tells you when the communication channel between you and you is open.

So happiness must be something you can conjure at will. Otherwise you couldn’t hear what you’re sending. It’s important because it tells you you and the broader you are in synch. When you’re in synch, you can hear the messages. Follow them and you get what you want.

Created with GIMP

Back to the question: “how do you conjure happiness”?

The answer is: by learning to think deliberately.

· · ·

How you think is important.

Yet hardly anyone teaches “how to think” in school or anywhere else.

You can learn how to think critically. Or how to think like an engineer. Or a lawyer. That instruction teaches how to be productive in a given field.

But hardly anyone is teaching how to think so you can be happy in life.

Here are practical steps on how to think.

Think your way to happiness

Created with GIMP
Photo: Aaron Huber

Usually people think happiness happens when something they want happens.

  • I get a new car. I’m happy!
  • I get a raise. I’m happy!
  • I had a great time last night. I was happy!
  • When I meet the guy of my dreams, I’ll be happy!

Happiness does happen that way. But only when people don’t know what you’re reading.

As we wrote above, happiness can be a permanent condition. It’s actually supposed to be that way. Meaning, it can happen in sucky situations too. It all depends on how you think. Not what is happening.

Let’s say you’re at work. You’re bored to death. Or maybe you didn’t get that promotion. Maybe you discovered you make less than your equally-skilled peers. Maybe you’re losing your job.

Your boredom, disappointment, anger or fear is not happiness.  That means you’re not tuned into your Broader Perspective. You’re not deliberately thinking.

But you can be tuned in. And you can be happy now. How?

Think of something positive long enough until happiness shows up. It’s that simple.

So you’re in your office. Something’s happening. You feel negative.

Turn your attention to something that pleases you.  The clothes you’re wearing, for example. Perhaps they are some of your favorite clothes. Think about how much you like those clothes. How well they fit, how good you look in them. Think about the compliment you got on the bus on the way to work.

It would go like this:

  • I really like how I look in this
  • I like how I feel in this
  • These clothes make me look (hot, professional, skinny, etc)
  • I look (hot, professional, skinny, etc)
  • I like looking (hot, professional, skinny, etc)
  • I like feeling (hot, professional, skinny, etc)

You could do this about a coworker or a person in your office you might have special feelings for. Think about how much you like that person. Think about how much you like talking with them, how they make you laugh maybe. Think specific thoughts about them like the ones above:

  • I’m so glad so-and-so is in my life
  • I’m eager to see how this might turn out
  • It was cool so-and-so said hi to me
  • I feel like I’m back in high school
  • It’s fun to have a crush!

Maybe you really like the way you have your office organized. Think about how much you like organization. Think about how good that feels to you. Think about how good it feels to you to turn a messy desk into an organized one. Think specific thoughts about it like the ones above:

  • I really like being organized
  • I like having everything in their place
  • It feels good to be organized
  • I feel best when my space is ordered
  • It’s nice to see clutter turn to order

Your thinking doesn’t have to be monumental. It only needs to trigger positive feelings. How and why this happens is too detailed for this piece. We’ll describe the mechanics another time.

Oleg Ivanov blog.jpg
Photo: Oleg Ivanov

While thinking these thoughts, pay attention to your feelings. First you feel boredom, disappointment, anger or fear. But as you think on purpose, you’ll feel different. It might be pleasure or mirth. It might be satisfaction. It might be relief. It might be self admiration. It may be pride. Or humor. Or love.

All these emotions tell you you’ve moved from boredom, disappointment, anger or fear, which is not happiness, to something closer to happiness.

These things you’re thinking about are in your current situation. If they weren’t, you couldn’t think about them. When thinking about them, you’re experiencing them. Even though they aren’t in your physical experience.

So turn your attention to them. Not whatever you’re experiencing. You mood will improve.

The moment you notice your mood improve, turn your thinking to that. Acknowledge what you just did. You changed how you’re feeling without changing your situation. Note how much better you’re feeling now. It feels better than you felt just a few moments ago. Congratulate yourself. Say, “Wow, in just a few seconds, I changed my experience from X (negative emotion) to Y (better feelings). That’s pretty neat!” Come up with five or six other thoughts:

  • This is new and exciting.
  • Hmm, I like how this feels
  • I like that I can do this.
  • I feel a whole lot better
  • Wow, now I’m feeling even better!

In a few thoughts, you’ll find yourself thinking different, but related, thoughts:

  • I wonder how far this can go?
  • Could it be this easy?
  • This is actually kind of fun!

As you stay on that track, you might feel or hear your thoughts change. Notice them change to other pleasing things. For example, you might find yourself thinking about the sex you had last night. Focus on that and you’ll find yourself feeling other….er…sensations :-).

Keep it up and your feelings will get increasingly positive. And yet, your conditions haven’t changed.

Practice with obvious things until you’re good at it.  Then move to less obvious thought topics:

  • Think about how cool it is that you woke up today.
  • Or that your body functions mostly without your attention.
  • Or that you really like the color of your house.
  • Or that the sun comes up every day
  • Or that there is plenty of air to breathe

So now you changed your reality. You were feeling negative. Now you’re happy. You’ve also created a new physical reality. Your positive emotions come with physical experiences. A smile on your face, a lighter disposition. You may even see the difference.

But there are changes happening you can’t see. Not at first. Your entire life experience is changing. It is tuning into experiences leading to what you’re wanting. Not just one of those things either. All of them.

In other words, you’re not doing this to feel good. You’re doing this to feel messages your broader perspective constantly sends you. This is where your impulses come in.

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Photo: Tim Foster

As you gain more thinking skill something else happens: You get an impulse to do something. It will be subtle. It will be more feeling than words. It might feel like “go to the bathroom”, for example.

Let’s say that’s it. You get the sense to go to the bathroom. You may not have the biological urge to go. So it may make no logical sense. But when you get it, go.

When you do, you might bump into the person you were thinking about. Or you might get a text from your partner. Or a call from someone you’ve been wanting to hear from. You might run into a co-worker who says, “I was just thinking about you.” and offer you something unexpected and surprising.

When that happens, you’ve gotten exactly what we described in the beginning of this post: Things happening with little effort on your part. The only action you took was following your impulse to go to the bathroom.

This is Option B brought to life.

· · ·

You want to practice this until you do it automatically. In the same way you think now. Look at your thoughts. They probably come and go on their own. That’s practiced. You’re not thinking on purpose.

That can change.

The more you practice, the more you’ll get “hunches” or “impulses”. Of course, as you practice, you’ll get what look like false impulses. You’ll take action and it will seem nothing beneficial happened. These are actually true. Something beneficial did happen.

For example, say you went to the bathroom and nothing happened. But something did happen. Feel, then act. Notice how you’re feeling and thinking. You might be thinking “this was dumb”, or “I look like an idiot”.

Those thoughts are telling you something. They are saying “you think what people think about you is more important than getting what you want”. Why else would you care about how you look? Embarrassment is an emotion triggered by this belief. If you’re feeling embarrassment or stupid, you’ve cut off communication between you and you.

Now hear this: You wouldn’t have known this thought is keeping you from hearing your messages if “nothing happened”, right? So somethinghappened:you got clear about something you needed to know to get what you want.

When you feel an impulse after tuning into Broader Perspective, either:

A. Take action immediately. Go talk to that person, go to the bathroom, take a nap or whatever. Then see what happens. If something happens that feels like nothing, refer to this post about “false” results.

B. Wait. Take no action until the feeling to act is so persistent you must follow it. THEN act as in point A above.

At first, you might have a hard time feeling impulses. Getting used to telling the difference between an impulse and a random thought takes practice.

Lesly Juarez blog
Mindfulness, i.e. paying attention will allow permanent happiness. (Photo: Lesly Juarez)

Can you see how this practice turns your life into an amazing adventure? At first, you’ll get a lot of “false” results. But those “false” results aren’t false. Again we describe that paradox here.

Keep going and life fills in with subjects and interests and people matching your passions, skills, strengths and desires. You’re now following your tendencies and they are leading you to all you’re wanting.

But…

Doing this process once or twice it’s not enough. You’ll feel good for a moment. But your old habit (automatic thinking) will return. This is why people who try these things end up failing. They don’t apply themselves enough.

Want to get everything you want and live happily ever after? Repeat these steps over and over. For how long? Until thinking this way is as natural as the way you think now.

Then you’ll become your Broader Perspective. Then you have it all, including lasting happiness.

How To Get All You Love Without Even Trying

Joshua Sortino All You Want FB blog
Photo: Joshua Sortino

A key habit leading to all someone could possibly want, aka a dream life, aka all one could love, is the ability to hear, then immediately follow one’s intuition.

Develop this habit. You will, without fail, live an effortless life.

Intuition gets a bad rap. That’s because you usually can’t distinguish it from random voices born of sloppy thinking.

Given too much attention these voices mask one’s “still quiet voice”. One’s unerring intuition.

Intuition is unerring.

It always leads you to what you’re wanting.

A example from Perry’s life some time ago illustrates.

· · ·

One day Perry wanted to meet people eligible for a project. He wanted to meet positive, conversational, open and kind people.  People unafraid of talk with strangers.

That’s how much he prepared. He thought casually about who he wanted to meet, then let the thoughts go. His daily habit framework practice of tuning into his intuition already produced enough evidence indicating trust in the process works. Results he wanted already happened in the timeless, spaceless “moment of becoming”.

Now it was time to rendezvous with his desire.

One morning, after documenting dreams for later examination, he prepped for a trip to the optometrist. Be broke his glasses a few days ago. They needed fixing.

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The broken glasses that began the journey (Photo: Perry)

Perry’s intuition first told him to go straight to the place he bought his glasses.  It is about seven miles away. He had success with repairs before there. As he was about to leave, he got another intuitive message. It said go to this eyeglass place near his house.

Your intuition will rarely give you straight-line instructions. Leading you directly to what you want is never fun. A meandering path is more fun. That’s because on the way to what you’re wanting, your intuition shows you things you’ve forgotten you asked for. There are a lot of those things.

Often a person thinks their intuition errs when they follow it and don’t get what they want. Two things are happening when that happens. One, the person isn’t aware they are getting more than just the thing they want. So they think the journey’s a waste. Second, the lack of awareness causes them to quit too soon. They don’t follow their intuitional cues far enough.  So they don’t get to the “big surprise” that is receiving what they want.

Perry knows following his cues to the end is key.

How do you know when you’ve gotten to the end? If you haven’t gotten what you want, you aren’t there.

· · ·

Other people’s desires and opportunities are part of the mix too. You are co-creating physical reality with everything else in it. Perry knows this too.

So it was no surprise when, the very next moment after receiving an intuition to go to the shop nearby, his wife said, “Aren’t you going to go to [the eyeglass] shop right by our house before you drive all that way to [the other repair shop]?”

Perry took what his wife was saying as confirmation of his intuition’s instructions. He drove to the nearby shop.

It was closed.

Perry took a picture to send to his wife. Often Bridget will make a suggestion that is not very helpful. She means well. But she also harbors a belief that people need her. She gets a lot of self-worth from that belief.

The problem is, often she acts from that belief, giving suggestions that are unhelpful. She’d be better off letting people figure things out on their own. The people would be better off too.

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Next, Perry drove across town. That place was open. On the way traffic was nonexistent, which is unusual for the time of day on a weekday.

Unbeknownst to humans (and rarely acknowledged by even those “new age” believers) a delay such as the one Perry took to go to the nearby shop is purposeful. Delays sometimes allow circumstances to line up in optimally-fulfilling ways.

Everyone’s intuition operates the same. It’s another reason people mistake intuition as being wrong: they’re expecting straight-line-to-results and that is never the case.

Perry didn’t consciously acknowledge this. But had the delay, and what happened next not happened, the rest of the day would not have happened the way it had.

He enjoyed the drive across town. It was a hot summer mid-day, free of rush-hour traffic. Driving with the sunroof open and the windows down contributed to Perry’s already joyful mood.

When he arrived at the repair shop, Perry got “rock star parking”: directly in front of the shop’s front door. It was the only parking spot open on the busy street.

He went inside and played around while waiting for his turn. A pretty, effusively-happy, and helpful blonde greeted him. Their pleasant exchange was one more indicator of the day Perry was having.

After examining Perry’s broken glasses, the woman told him she thought they could be fixed. Perry was happy to hear that. But then, the other person behind the counter said Perry had a special kind of glasses. He would need to go through the shop where he bought them to have them fixed.

Perry mentioned the name of the shop that sold him his glasses. The blonde woman look up the closest branch. It was in a popular part of town. Not that far in fact.

But just far enough to enjoy another sunlit drive.

Photo: Justin Luebke

In no hurry, Perry arrived and the desk person welcomed him. Perry, feeling equally warm, explained his day so far. Then showed the person his glasses. The desk person examined his glasses. Then told Perry he would contact him the next day.

After that, Perry decided to head to a coffee shop. He loves working out of the house. Two were nearby. For a moment, he thought through his options. Then felt for what his intuition wanted him to do.

He drove to that coffee shop. Parked, went inside and ordered a specialty drink, which the barista prepared expertly. It cost $4.

When he turned to find a place to sit, a woman looked up just as he looked her way. They locked eyes and she smiled at each other.

“I’m going to sit next to you because of that great smile you gave me,” Perry said boldly. It was exactly the thing to say, offered by his intuition.

The woman welcomed him over.

“I love talking to strangers,” he said. “Don’t worry, I’m not trying to pick you up or anything.”

At that, the woman launched into a lengthy explanation. She described how few people are willing to make eye contact or even smile to strangers anymore.

“So I make a point of doing that,” She said. “It’s fun talking with people.”

Now here’s what we wrote at the beginning of this story:

…Perry wanted to meet … positive, conversational, open and kind people.  People unafraid of talk with strangers.

Perry and this person, whose name is Joy (we’re not making that up!), had a long wonderful conversation about a number of things. As they were talking, another woman sat down next to Perry and settled in.

This person, Suzanne, soon joined the conversation. Turned out Suzanne was new to town. Both Suzanne and Joy were looking for new career opportunities. Exactly the kind of people Perry wanted to meet.

Could it be more obvious how this day unfolded?

Perry set up 1:1 appointments with both women.

But that’s not the end of the story.

As Perry later left the coffee shop and arrived at his car, four one-dollar bills blew into his feet. Four dollars: exactly how much his drink cost.

How’s that for evidence the world is on your side?

This is not an uncommon day for Perry. Life is supposed to be like this for everyone. All that is necessary is a practice which reduces stories having you believe such experiences are random, coincident events, or that they can’t happen as a consistent feature of your life.

In time evidence big and small will be so plentiful proving to you the universe is friendly to your desires and wants you to fulfill them, you’ll start seeing the world different too.

When you do, you’re on your way.

The Only Leverage You Need To Have All You Want

Rodolfo Clix Leverage FB BLOG
Photo: Rodolfo Clix

Leverage that comes from your broader perspective makes living sweet.

When someone discovers how invincible they are, it’s impossible to live any other way.  And, there’s no ceiling limiting how great life can get.

By leverage we mean having life do things for you, instead of you having to do it all yourself.

That doesn’t mean sitting in bed thinking positive thoughts will bring everything to you. You’re in a physical reality.

You have to do things.

It does mean lightly indicating what you’re wanting. Then watching as life puts the pieces together. At the right time along the way, you get an impulse to act. Following that impulse is your “doing”. Your doing doesn’t make anything happen. It’s all happened already.

Your “doing” puts you in the perfect place, in time and space to receive what you’re wanting.

Summarizing: figure out what you want. Life will coordinate circumstances. When they’re ready, life will tell you to act. Your acting doesn’t make it happen. The impulse to act is an invitation. It’s saying: “do this now”.  Your action puts you in the right place at the right time. There, you receive what you want.

Life always works this way for everyone. So why doesn’t it look that way for everyone? Why doen’t it occur that way for everyone?

Three reasons:

  1. Hardly anyone realizes they have broader perspective.
  2. Hardly anyone does what they need to to see life through that.
  3. Too many people try to make what they want happen, instead of letting life do it.
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Photo: Cristian Newman

So what is this “broader perspective”?

“Human” is a projection. It’s an experience you are projecting into yourself. The experience is the best way to know what and who you are. That’s why you’re experiencing this experience.

Everything in your experience is also your projection. You perceive into existence other people, circumstances, even your body. Existence looks like an “objective reality”. So much so, you think it’s separate from you. That’s because you organize your physical senses too. That way they experience the projection as objective, separate reality.

Your senses can’t see the projection any other way.

Your senses are part of the projection.

“Behind” your physical senses, you have another set of “senses”. These are not constrained like your physical senses. Yet, they correspond with them. You see, hear, smell, taste, touch through these “nonphysical” senses. The same way you do with physical ones.

Seeing life through these senses, is “broader perspective”.

The more you see life through them, the more curious you get. You start understanding how much creative control you have.

Ever had a dream feel real as f*ck? How could it have “felt” real, if you didn’t have senses capable of perceiving in that nonphysical place? Dreams are not hallucinations. They’re as real as you and us.

Science claims dreams are “all in the head”. Science is a big stumbling block. It prevents people from having real leverage.

Science is real though. It has validity and purpose. But science is in no way the final arbiter of what is “real” and “not real”. And, nonphysical reality informs science like it does with everything else in physical reality.

If it weren’t for nonphysical reality, there would be no physical reality. And no science.

A person deciding for themselves what is real and not real finds they are the final arbiter. And of course they are. They are the ones doing the projecting.

· · ·

A projector has to have a place to stand and also something on which to project. It has to have something to project too.

You “stand” in the spacious now. The spacious now is outside time and space. It is not bound by what science calls “the laws of physics”.

Neither are you, by the way. Your body is. You’re not.

Your body is part of the projection. You are broader perspective.

We also call the spacious present “nonphysical” reality. Nonphysical reality is “where” you, the projector stands.

You are also the projector screen. So all that you experience is “inside you”. That’s why you can perceive it. There is a lot “outside” you too, out there in nonphysical reality. But it is irrelevant to you, until you expand yourself enough so that it becomes you. And thus relevant.

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So you’re the projector and you’re also the projector screen. What is it you are projecting? Everything that you are. Primarily you are projecting a consistent stream of values comprising your essence. You fulfilled some. Others are in the process. Many more your birth nearly every moment.

Everything that is you is being projected by you out into your real life. It is being projected into you and perceived through physical senses you organized. That way it looks separate from you. That way you can observe it “objectively”.

Until you’re done doing that.

All this is happening so you can become more self-aware.

Realizing this is also “broader perspective”. It is one of many insights that come with seeing your life extraordinarily. When you realize your broader perspective, insights like this come naturally. These insights aren’t available when you don’t have broader perspective.

The broader perspective you have, the more clearly you perceive your projection. The more of your projection you perceive, the greater understanding you have.

Understanding of what? Everything.

Put differently: the less you know about what you’re doing in this thing called life, the more “ordinary” life looks.

Joy, ecstasy, wonder, freedom, invincibility result from living from broader perspective.

Life is extraordinary.

It feels that way when you “see” differently.

“Broader perspective” lets you see “all” that you are. But it’s limited by what you’re capable of realizing. The more you live your life from this perspective though, the more capable you become.

This has immense practical benefit.

So much so, it’s a wonder so few live this way. Broader perspective’s leverage is so great, it looks magical.

But it’s not. We call this leverage.

It’s how life is for one who gets it.

Take Perry’s recent experience.

· · ·

Now, Perry has been at this for many years. He is getting better and better seeing life through his broader perspective. So he sees more examples of extraordinary happening, nearly every moment.

Everything is possible in and through your broader perspective.

Perry’s ambitions reflect that statement.

One of Perry’s ambitions is evolving capitalism out of existence. He has realized better system for resource management and distribution. He knows it’s possible because he’s seen it.

So he focuses his energies in this direction.

One way this energy focus shows up is hiring talent through the “gig economy”. Perry met a wonderful animation team on an online gig economy match-making service. This team already created two animated videos describing Perry’s economic idea. He has plans for ten more videos. Perry wants this same team to create the other eight.

Like many online services, this gig economy match-making service takes a part of the sales that happen on its website. They also discourage members from offering and accepting payments “off community.”

Paying someone else for brokering an initial transaction is great. But when you’re planning to buy a lot more, that transaction fee can add up. Especially at $1500 a video on average.

So one day this Spring, while contemplating his animated video library, Perry got an idea.

“It would be great,” It said. “If I could work with this team directly rather than through this community. I’d save all those fees on the next 10 videos.”

“And,” The thought continued. “Since I’m wanting to do so many, maybe the team would give me a volume discount!”

Perry loved this idea. It came and went in a flash. Three minutes tops. He felt good thinking it. He didn’t think it was impossible. But he knew the community discouraged this. So, instead of taking action, he sat with it.

Fast forward to October. Perry’s ramping up the next videos, preparing the scripts. One day he gets the impulse to send a message to this team via the community. Here’s the conversation that happened:

Screen Shot One

 

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Perry had no idea what the guy was going to send via email. But Perry sent his email address. The next day the following conversation happened via email:

Screen Shot 5

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Of course this was a great turn out. But notice what happened here. Perry didn’t have to do anything to get what he wanted. Life coordinated it all for him. Then sent an impulse when it was all ready.

This is leverage.

It is available to everyone.

· · ·

If you dismiss this as “coincidence” you’re doing yourself a disservice. Dismissing it as coincidence denies (for you) your broader perspective. In denying your broader perspective, you obscure your perception. You relegate yourself to having to make it all happen.

That sucks.

We want to write “you cut yourself off from your broader perspective”, but that can’t happen. Your broader perspective is you. You can’t cut “you” off.

But you can create a reality wherein you do not perceive your broader perspective as real. That’s what you do when you dismiss such events as “coincidence” or “random chance”, or “confirmation bias”. When you do dismiss them, you get a life experience reflecting your dismissals. In other words, life looks comprised of events that seem random or chance or coincidence. Not within your control.

But it’s all in your control. The moment you adopt your broader perspective.

Like Perry.

And remember: there is no upper limit on anything about this.

Life can be, a continual, moment-by-moment experience of getting everything you want.

Perry is getting there. He has done this work for a long time. Today he is seeing events like this happening all over. But he’s wanting to get to the point where he’s seeing them continuously. 

He’s close.

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Photo: Gaetan-Meyer

Anything you can think of wanting you can have. You are creating your life experience. That’s the purpose of it. To realize how much say you have.

There is only one relationship giving you everything you want. The relationship between your ordinary conscious experience and your broader perspective. Attend to that. Everything else is attended to for you.

Gradually realizing that you are invincible is intoxicating. Realizing you can have anything you want is intoxicating. Realizing you can be anything, or do anything frees you from limitation.

But when you do do whatever you want, when you do get what you want, and when you become what you want….that just can’t be described in words.

The leverage you have in your life is immense.

Don’t you think it’s time you start using it?

How To Get What You Want From Your Relationship

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Photo: David Thomaz

It’s easy sometimes to get frustrated in a marriage or partnership.

Relationships can also be a perfect blend of constant wonder and delight.

Which one you get –– frustration or wonder and delight –– depends on your perception.

Often, disagreements and frustration, for both parties, happen when one person tries to control the other’s behavior. In most cases “trying to control” is not an intentional, malicious act. The person doesn’t want to control the other. They just want to be happy.

Controlling behavior happens when a person feels insecure. They tries to soothe the insecurity through controlling their partner’s actions.  Inadequacy, feeling out of control, insecure, shame, embarrassment, or righteous indignation can all trigger “controlling” behavior.

The person tries to control conditions they think are causing the feeling. “Conditions” usually mean their partner.

The problem is conditions aren’t triggering the emotions. Their beliefs about the conditions are.

You’ll notice when a controlling person succeeds, they aren’t happy for long. The controlled person isn’t either. So controlling spawns future dissatisfaction leading to…you guessed it: more need to control.

It’s a vicious cycle. A cycle that leaves people feeling alone. Even in relationship.

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A negative vicious cycle spirals out of control in some relationships. Leaving people feeling alone. Even though they’re not. (photo: Thought Catalog)

Trying to control another person’s behavior so you feel better backfires sooner or later. Sometimes a lot sooner.

People aren’t stupid. They can tell when a person is trying to control them.

Put more accurately, every human knows they came to express inherent freedoms. No one wants someone telling them what to do.

Including children.

Including very young children.

But especially grown mature, aware people.

· · ·

The easiest way to get what you want in relationship is to let your spouse do whatever they are wanting. Observing that, be happy with the fact that they’re doing that instead of what you want.

Even better: want to get what you’re wanting from your spouse? Then change what you’re wanting to what your spouse is already doing.

Voila! You’re now getting what you’re wanting.

We can hear the eye-rolls….

But there is wisdom here.

Change what you want from your partner to wanting what your partner is already doing. You will find peace. You’ll stop controlling. Your partner gets to do what they want. Everyone gets happy.

Can you say you feel good when you’re controlling your partner against their will?

We thought not.

Obayda Let him alone FB blog
Photo: Obayda

The problem is your perception, not the conditions. A long-term practice learning to seeing your partner’s positive aspects can transform them. It can recreate your partner without your partner changing.

An example from Perry’s marriage is apt:

One day, Perry’s wife, Bridget, began practicing meditation. She meditated before, but it was sporadic and thus not very effective. After witnessing Perry’s results, Bridget began meditating in earnest.

She supplemented her practice with other approaches. The combination revealed how easy it is to get what she wants. Especially doesn’t try to get anything.

Getting what she wanted required letting go of controlling her husband. Six months passed with the task undone. Yet Bridget had to experience conditions she wanted to control as perfect. With no regard for changing him or the situation.

Some days later, after consistent practice, Bridget found herself more relaxed. Then, one day, she got an intuition that the task she’s wanting Perry to do was about to resolve in a delightful way. Her intuition encouraged her to prepare to be surprised…

Around the same time, Perry, received his own impulse: it said “now is about the time to do (the task)”.

Perry knows that, before taking any action on an impulse, it’s best to let it grow to where it is impossible to ignore. So he allowed this impulse to sit in his awareness with nothing more than a casual acknowledgement of it.

Days passed. Then a week.

During that time Bridget received more impulses. They excited her. Later she told Perry she wanted to tell him what was happening, but knew if she did, she’d muck up the process. So she kept it all to herself.

Meanwhile, Perry kept receiving more and more impulses.

Until one day, Perry felt overcome with wanting to do this task.

He told Bridget he was going to do it the next day.

Bridget, as you can imagine, delighted to hear this. What made that it extra sweet was she knew it was going to happen and her excitement was building the whole time.

· · ·

These days, such things happen often in Perry and Bridget’s relationship. It’s no surprise the two of them continue to practice the work. The evidence for them is overwhelming.

The work works.

Now there’s nothing wrong with getting excited about outcomes like this. Realize this kind of thing happens all the time and the excitement gives way to expectation. Expectation is the sweet spot. It prepares perception to perceive and appreciate more such events.

For Bridget, it was a profound demonstration. It showed she can create any reality. Including one in which she can influence her partner’s behavior!

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life will surprise and delight you. If you let it. (Photo: Andre Guerra)

Everyone has this ability.
It is as natural as breathing. Everyone brings it with them when they come into physical reality.

Exercising this natural ability requires gradually releasing beliefs obscuring this ability. There’s great freedom in exercising it. You can let everyone else in your life off the hook for what happens in your life.

Instead, you can watch everything you’re wanting come into your experience. Not from action. But from your subtle attention to what you’re wanting. A positive outlook and expecting that everything is always working out for you helps too.

So here are the steps to getting what you want out of your spouse (or anyone):

 

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Photo: Sharon Mccutcheon

First discover your own autonomy.

Learn to identify then soothe beliefs that spawn controlling behavior.

You do that by examining your belief constellations. Or by creating new, more empowering ones that will replace your old ones.

Meditation, therapy, bibliotherapy and journaling are all effective was of examining beliefs.  Another way: Pay attention to your negative feelings. They always lead you back to a flawed premise or belief.

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Family dinners for many are less about food and more about sharing love. But other people just don’t get it. And they don’t have to. (Photo: Pablo Merchan Montes)

Let’s say your family always dined together at the dinner table. You gained a lot from that experience. Now as an adult, your partner prefers eating while watching tv. Or he or she prefers a quick bite over formal dinner.

Let’s say your family always dined together at the dinner table. You gained a lot from that experience. Now as an adult, your partner prefers eating while watching tv. Or he or she prefers a quick bite over formal dinner.

It annoys you when he or she declines your offer to a formal dinner every night. As a result you feel negative emotion –– insecurity, frustration, sadness, wistful. So you get angry. Where’s that coming from? A well-practiced belief. Some possible examples:

  • “My partner doesn’t love me”
  • “I married a selfish person”
  • “I can never get what I want”
  • “There’s no love here”

But you aren’t aware of the belief. You just know you’re mad. Then you say something you usually wouldn’t, hoping your partner will give you what you’re wanting.

Notice the beliefs don’t describe your partner or your relationship. They describe what you’re thinking about your partner or your relationship.

Rather than reacting from your anger. Look at the feeling.

Ask yourself: “Why it is important for me to repeat that experience as an adult?”

Then ask, “Why am I trying to cajole that experience out of someone who doesn’t share my past experience?”

Have a journal handy to help you probe the answer.

Your partner isn’t there to recreate your past family dynamics. Your partner is there to enjoy his life. Like you. Berating or shaming your partner to do something they don’t want to never works. You’ll be resentful you had to force them. And you’re going to lose in the long run.

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You’ll be amazed how a consistent positive focus can change your life.

Next: Practice increasing your focus on your partner’s positive aspects.

This is easy.

After all, you married (or partnered) with this person. At one point these were front and center. Again, meditation, book reading, therapy and journaling can assist here.

We do not suggest talking to a friend. Friends sympathize with what you’re going through. They don’t have your best interest at heart. Friends often like to commiserate.

Commiserating is not helpful.

A hyper-focus on your partner’s “weak points” or “areas of development” makes them shine bright.

Focus on those and before long that’s all you see. Then your love turns to resentment. While your partner becomes a scoundrel …when viewed from your negative belief constellations.

Any focus practiced becomes habitual.

So practicing focusing on another’s positive aspects can become habitual too.

Start by keeping a list of everything positive you already know about them. Then begin noticing things beyond what you already know. Write them down in a journal. Acknowledge their existence. Notice, as you practice this, how your mood about the person changes. The more positive aspects pile up, the less negative you begin feeling about the person.

When you’re comfortable, start acknowledging things they do that are positive. No matter how insignificant, share your appreciation to the person. Do it face to face or in a text or handwritten note.

Tip: You’re not manipulating. You’re not trying to change your partner. You’re not even trying to change you. You’re changing how you feel about them.

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You got into a relationship with this person for good reasons. Remember? (photo: Toa Heftiba)

Next: Develop a practice which re-acquaints you with the massively beneficial and wonderful things about your relationship.

It’s easy to get caught up complaining and lose sight not only of gifts your partner brings, but also gifts you two together create.

The same process above can help you develop a chronic habit of relationship appreciation.

Note the positive aspects being with this person creates. Write them down. In time, share them with your partner. Don’t worry if they don’t feel the same way you’re beginning to. Remember, this is not about them.

Then, after at least 60 days, pick something light and easy, that you would prefer your partner to do. (Don’t try this too early, you’ll re-energize your old habits and beliefs.)

Say to yourself, very lightly, with hardly any focus on it, what that is. Say it in a positive, almost nonchalant tone. Like: “wouldn’t it be nice if Alphonso took out the garbage this week?”.

Then, after thinking this statement once, drop it. Drop it completely from your consciousness. Try to obliterate it from your mind, as if it never came up.

If you’ve done everything up to this point each day, then one day, not next week, Alphonso will take out the garbage. You might even receive an pre-intuitive impulse that something is up. Like Bridget did.

Resist the temptation to say anything to Alphonso. Keep it all to yourself.

You’ll be surprised and delighted, but don’t show it. Instead savor the experience.

But do make note of this in your journal!

· · ·

This is a practice. It may or may not happen over night.

It may not happen in the first year. But there is no rush because you are eternal. And, nothing is wrong with Alphonso not taking out the garbage anyway!

Practice this. You’ll be astonished. Become clear about what’s in your belief constellation. Shift your focus to positive aspects of your relationship, and your partner/spouse.  In time you will discover you’re in a pretty awesome relationship. And your partner/spouse is awesome too.

Keep it up and pretty soon you’ll want to explore other ways your beliefs create your reality.

The most convincing proof is personal life experience. When what you’re reading here, happens in your life, things “get real”. You can’t help feeling impervious to misfortune and negative situations.

You’ll come to believe your invincibility.

That will radically change your partnership or marriage. It will leave you living more and more in constant wonder and delight.

Exactly the way life is supposed to be.

How Your Radically Authentic Self Makes The World Better

 

Isis Franca - cog in a machine FB blog
Photo: Isis Franca

Two Words: Colin Kaepernick

Like many before him, he is giving the mainstream world a thing or two to think about. And making it better in the process.

In case you don’t know, Kaepernick is the San Francisco 49ers quarterback who in 2016 began kneeling during the national anthem in protest of racism, social inequality and police brutality.

He left the 49ers to become a free agent. But the NFL believed him a pariah because, like many big institutions, they can’t handle the truth. Or more simply, they can’t handle losing money in the short term because the peanut gallery can’t handle the truth. And big institutions get rich by catering to the peanut gallery.

Nike was in a similar situation. According to anonymous sources quoted by this New York Times Article, Nike was considering ending their relationship with the controversial, non-playing football player.

Now, as you probably know, all that reversed.

The company is now charting record “brand engagement” as a result of getting behind Kaepernick’s cause, according to their CEO. Particularly among the urban demographic, a coveted target for the athletic brand.

But this story is about Kaepernick as an example to would-be iconoclasts.

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There is no value in you playing small and going along with the crowd.

There is every value in being your authentic self, no matter how much ire that authenticity will draw in the short term.

If you stick to your guns, you will prevail. And the world will be forever changed for the better as a result. You came to change the world in your own way great or small.

Going with the crowd is not world-changing.

For two years, Kaepernick withstood criticism from many institutions. Including the nation’s highest political office. Now his rise as a national civil rights icon with a massive brand backing him, is testament to what any human being willing to stand in their authenticity can do.

Individuals change the world. Not groups.

At this point, there is barely a limit on what is possible for the former quarterback. His platform has expanded dramatically. It is reported he now has a book deal, speaking tour and is developing a comedy series.

Kaepernick’s example isn’t the only one.

Shepard Fairey’s name should be no surprise. If it is, his artwork isn’t.

Now enjoying a huge artistic career, Shepard didn’t become famous over night. According to the documentary about his life and art, Shepard had a singular ambition: to express himself artistically.

As a young skateboarder and graffiti artist, he roamed the country posting stickers, posters and flyers on virtually anything and everything, before creating a poster for the Obama presidential campaign.

That poster made him famous.

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The iconic Obama Poster

But what some don’t know is in the midst of all that election fame, Shepard was in the toughest year of his life. He was being sued by municipalities for his history as a graffiti artist. But what was even more scary was the Associated Press filed a massive lawsuit against the artist. A lawsuit that could bankrupt the artist, his family and end his career.

Just like Kaepernick however, Fairey stuck to his path, lived his authentic life creating beautiful and compelling critiques of political figures disguised as art. Even though, as he describes it, he weathered some of the greatest challenges during that entire time.

· · ·

You must not underestimate the value of your authentic expression.

The more radical the better. But you also must not underestimate the value negative attention brings to your cause.

If you allow your fears of rejection or “crucifixion” by the “mob” that is mainstream society or a subsection thereof to intimidate you, you are bound to give up your authentic voice in favor of….what?

Social acceptance? Money? Reputation? Is social acceptance, money and reputation really on par with the potential to change the world?

Besides, when you’ve done what you came to do, you will have all the acceptance, money and reputation you can handle. And then some.

You have an authentic voice. You came into the world equipped to make it a better place. That better place doesn’t happen when you’re going along with the mainstream.

It only happens when you speak your authenticity. The more radical the better.

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If Shepard Fairey can do it….By Fuzheado – Own work, CC BY-SA 3.0

Now we know a lot of people talk about “living authentically”. Rarely if ever do these people explain how to do that. We’re going to.

 

How to live your authentic life:

First, realize this process will not happen over night. But know that, no matter how old you are, or how little time in life you think you have, you have plenty of time to accomplish this. Perry is 54 years old and just getting started, for example.

No one is too old.

So you start by releasing the idea that time is a factor. Or age. Or any current situation. None of that has any relevance.

Second, you must screw on knowing that your voice is valid. We use the phrase “screw on” purposefully. Threads on a screw have great holding power. They will hold under great stress. Your knowing your voice is valid comes from within. It comes from your connection with the source of the “sound” of your voice.

The stronger your connection with that source, the more invincible you will feel. Silence, meditation, long walks in nature are great processes reconnecting you with your source. Do that regularly. We recommend this process for getting in tune with your source.

Third, reorganize your priorities. Your voice’s strength must be nurtured. That takes time. What gets you through the time it takes for your voice to be ready is how freaking great it feels being in touch with your authenticity. Again, this process is golden.

Perry quit his job at Intel to pursue his value-based priorities. We don’t recommend this. He has a supportive wife. You don’t have to quit your day job. But at least put it in perspective.

For example, in some places around the world, up to 50 percent of people work bullshit jobs. That means you’re probably doing something for money that represents a compromise, or perhaps many compromises, on your values. It’s time your values retake the priority high ground.

That’s because your voice lurks within your values.

Fourth, start doing some serious introspection. The best place Perry has found to reconnect with his voice is his childhood. He asked some time ago “what did I really want to be when I grew up?”

Look at what you liked to do as a child. What inspired you? What did you dream about? How did you see the world? The fantasy world of your childhood often holds within it your voice’s small timbre, waiting for you to crank the volume.

Another place to look: your reaction to the world around you. This is tricky though. If you’ve lived, even a little while, on the planet, you likely have taken on stories which cause knee-jerk emotional reactions that fill you will injustice, a sense of unfairness and moral outrage.

Those areas can be where your voice is lurking. But they could also be ingrained knee-jerk reactions you’ve taken on from society. These kinds of reactions tend to cut you off from your voice. So you have to be discerning as you observe how you react to the world around you.

Once you’ve found your voice, you need to practice delivering it. So get started expressing your voice to yourself at first. Not to others. We offer this for several reasons.

First, you’re not ready for the potential onslaught from the peanut gallery trying to kill your originality before it’s mature enough to survive such attacks. Second, you need time to figure out how best to express yourself. Is it with film? Poetry? Writing? News commentary? Podcasting? Walking across the United States? Interviewing homeless people?

There are endless numbers of ways to express yourself. Somewhere in there is your niche. You’ll find it if you dedicate time to discovering it.

Meanwhile, in the self-discovery, you’ll have fun. And, when you’re ready to tell the world, you’ll have an impressive amount of content ready-made to share. Not all of it will be brilliant, but it doesn’t have to be.

Photo by Francesco Mazzoli PERFECT PRACTICE (1)
Photo by Francesco Mazzoli

Next: Practice, practice practice.

Follow your impulses. Do things you think are crazy. Sure, quit your job if you really know that’s what you want to do. Just realize quitting your job isn’t required to find your voice, or express it. At least not at first.

Refine your voice, explore things. You’re on a wild goose chase for the co-inciding events and circumstances which delight you and thus indicate you’re on your path. Take all this as  the greatest adventure of your life and it will be that.

And if you keep at it, you will come to the same sense of steadiness, of invincibility we’re sure are embodied by two words, which actually are a name: Colin Kaepernick.

 

 

Your Harshest Critics Are Awesome Allies

Fabien Deletraz WORLD CREATOR FB blog
Photo: Fabien Deletraz

Attacks on what you’re doing tell you you are on your path.

Everyone who accomplished something great did so facing massive criticism. Some harsher than others.

If you are crucified by the mainstream, congratulations. You are in good great company. Those who changed the world for the better are rarely liked.

That is, until their deed is done.

Facebook and Apple are not the kinds of “world changing” we’re talking about.

Changing humanity’s trajectory, significantly improving fundamental societal structures, and heralding in a new relationship between human beings –– these are the kinds of accomplishments we’re talking about.

When you’re up to something that significant you’re bound to attract those who hate what you are doing, those jealous of what you’re doing, those who fear what you’re doing.

You’re equally bound to attract those who love what you’re doing.

But if you’re up to something significant, you must remain true to what you’re doing and not let either the adoration or the hate beguile you you. For hate can easily turn to adoration and adoration turns to hate just as easily.

Humans are capricious.

Most of them would rather go along with the crowd. Most of them fear being ostracized by that crowd. And most of them also criticize that very same crowd.

Abraham calls the crowd “the peanut gallery”. Their opinion matters so little it’s not worth peanuts to such a one standing in their invincibility.

When you’re doing something significant, you’re likely to be alone in your pursuit. Something else Abraham says: It’s lonely on the leading edge. In the silence of that leading edgeness however, you discover life mastery.

· · ·

For those who know their invincibility, the peanut gallery’s opinion matters not one whit.

While it’s been often mis-attributed to Mahatma Ghandi, the homily, which more likely comes from union leader Nicholas Klein, still paints a compelling picture:

  • You’re first ignored
  • Then you are laughed at
  • Then they try to abuse you
  • Then they enshrine monuments to you

So many would-be world-changers give up when people ignore them. Or when they are laughed at. Many who get through those phases, give up when abuse shows up. The very few who continue reach the promise land of dreams fulfilled.

Glory goes to those who fulfill dreams. Not to those who just dream them.

In today’s connected world, no human can deliberately plan events such that their voice rises above the noise.

But when allied with All That Is, providence steps in, orchestrating on behalf of the connected individual, events which seem like lucky breaks or coincidence.

More often, though, the best, divinely-inspired events look like bad luck. Horrible luck even.

Here is what separates those who are enshrined from those who go unrecognized.

The enshrined understand their enemy’s true value.

Antagonism serves the iconoclast well. For ridicule, abuse, negative attention and opposition all amplify their message.

Recently, Perry was a guest on a Facebook Live event. Actually, he was the main course, as the audience was furious at things he had said recently. They were looking for their pound of flesh. Two pounds really.

What was billed as a discussion could have been described as an ambush had Perry not already known what was going to happen. The host and her audience attacked and ridiculed and laughed at Perry, his lifestyle, his beliefs. They tried to take him to task for his perspective on the transgender community.

But Perry is invincible. There is no task a mob can take him to because Perry has clarity. He doesn’t need agreement from the peanut gallery, which is often ignorant and lost in the what-is-ness of life.

Interestingly, while many of the loudest voices pilloried him during the show, some less vocal people heard what he was saying. Their experience will dramatically change their lives.

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Though they will not be able to connect their participation in that event with life changes they will experience, the experiences will none the less offer opportunities otherwise not available.

 

Those who don’t understand you are going to ignore you. Those threatened by your authenticity are going to attack you. Then those who were ignoring you will join in the attack. Or they will watch from the sidelines. If you look like them, if they think you are part of their tribe they are going to try to force you to conform to their ideas of proper tribe behavior.

Very few tribes are as insecure and therefore fearful of change than the tribe known as “black people”.

But if you can continue, despite attempts to get you to conform to others’ opinion of how you should be, you will, over time, shape the world to your divinely-inspired opinion.

And you will discover how powerful you are. And how invincible you are.

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Colin Kaepernick would not be where he is were he not shunned by the NFL and other major institutions including the Republican Party the casual racists and the rest of the peanut gallery.

People who have changed society or the world did so amidst harsh rebukes. Harsh rebukes are what people offer when they don’t understand.

For the world-changer, it’s best to let the peanut gallery do what it does best: assist in their own special way in your success.

Recognize attacks are part of the path and you win.