How To Stop Ruining The Holidays

Photo by David Everett Strickler on Unsplash

The holidays used to suck. My emotional pain so grated on me that I forswore holiday celebrations of all kinds once on my own.

That was before attaining enlightenment.

Now, I recognize I create my reality. Since the past is just another reality, I also re-create my past. That’s what happened this holiday season.

I’m sharing this for the many people who, like me, struggle with holidays. I know now “struggle” is optional. No matter how bad I used to feel, this year, I’m having the best Thanksgiving ever, in large part thanks to my house mate, who I’ll call Kimberly.

I’m going to relate how I transformed my holiday experience while interspersing some theory. If you want to know how all this works as a cohesive living approach I call Positively Focused, please visit my website. There you can schedule a free 30-minute 1:1 in which I’ll answer any questions at no cost to you.

How I transformed the Thanksgiving holiday in less than 15 minutes.

My house mate Kimberly is a manifestation I created after a wonderful ordeal involving previous house mates. In January I’ll tell that story.

Kimberly’s arrival fulfilled many desires. I know though that all fulfilled desires contain within them seeds for more consciousness expansion. That usually looks like “negative” experiences, although they aren’t that. Indeed, what happened Thanksgiving morning was perfect.

My potato au gratin. Yum!

Excitement filled our little home the night before. We bought an enormous turkey, planned several decadent side dishes and even went in together on a new projector to watch Killing Eve and Uncle Frank, Amazon’s new feel-good holiday movie.

Settled in for the night, we anticipated a wonderful morning cooking food, listening to music and generally enjoying time together.

That’s not what happened, at first

I’m an early riser. Kimberly usually wakes later. I got up eager for our culinary adventure. But as I got things ready, I noticed she had made a bag of popcorn late last night. That meant, I realized, that she might not get up early enough.

Little did I know she had planned on joining me. She even set an alarm. But something went wrong. Little did I know how “going wrong” presents enormous gifts.

For hours I relished the morning, preparing our dishes. As turkey dressing time neared though, Kimberly’s absence loomed large. Where was she?

My veggie medley and the au gratin all ready to eat. Ignore the sponge on the range 😂

It was a passing thought at first. Then it turned into worry. Then it turned into resentment. Kimberly wasn’t meeting my expectations, expectations I thought we shared.

That’s not her purpose though

Kimberly need not meet my expectations. No one lives to meet my expectations. When I got that a while ago, I mostly stopped resenting people when they did their own thing.

Everyone comes into reality pursuing their fulfillment, whatever that looks like. The paradox is, when a person shows up in my reality, pursuing their fulfillment, I know now they aren’t real, objective people. Instead, they reflect back to me beliefs I hold in my Belief Constellation even while they pursue individual self-fulfillment.

Other people (as well as everything else in my reality) are physicalized versions of beliefs active in me. I tested this over several years. Improving my beliefs always changed people’s behavior, especially the way they treated me.

Today, people in my life are angels. They show me active beliefs in my Moment of Becoming on their way to becoming my tangible reality. Realities I want I welcome. Realities I don’t want I know I can do something about.

Our turkey cooking its patutti off. LOL

Here’s what that looks like

I knew from years of Positively Focused practice that resentment and worry had nothing to do with Kimberly. Instead they indicated beliefs active that drew into my now, an experience I preferred not having.

Realizing that I did something about it. First, I looked inside to see what thoughts/beliefs I activated. After all, I had enjoyed, up to that moment, being in the kitchen by myself, making all this food my way, without having to compromise anything about what I was doing. It was fun!

My exploration showed old beliefs I created as a kid active in my now. They were about my parents, my family and holidays with them. That’s when Kimberly offered an amazing opportunity. I could clean up those old beliefs and, simultaneously, clean up how I experienced my now, create better future experiences and transform the past too!

Once I got that I stopped preparing meals. I went to my room, set a 15 minute timer, then went into deliberate focus. In that focus I realized/remembered the following:

  • Kimberly is a manifestation. She is not real.
  • Kimberly is a manifestation of my entire Belief Constellation embodied in an apparition in my evolving now consciousness.
  • As such, constructively using realizations represents allows stronger connections with my Personal Trinity. Reacting any other way creates unwanted futures.
  • Kimberly’s choices are hers and those acts aren’t about me. But make them about me when I interpret them as such!

Such a wonderful gift.

Circumstances in life do this all day every day. People, objects, experiences all are physical representations of my ongoing beliefs.

For better or worse, most people don’t know this, so they interact with their reality as though it is separate, an objective reality apart from who they are, what they are and what they’re believing.

Even among those who know physical reality is a mirror of one’s internal reality, few know what to do with that information.

Those who don’t know struggle with all kinds of mental and emotional traumas, with few remedies other than iffy mental health therapies which often stretch over years and produce scant lasting results.

Rather than taking these wonderful gifts evidenced in people, places, objects and events, for granted, humans can use them for personal transformation. Done diligently, such transformation also transforms ordinary life into the Charmed Life I share with my clients.

Seeing Kimberly as a transformational opportunity also let’s her off the hook. She can be how she’s being and in the absence of me making her wrong, she becomes the angel she is, but only when I see her from my Inner Being perspective, my Broader Perspective which sees everything in reality as blessed, perfectly unfolding and beneficial to all the Universe.

Creating awesome from ordinary

The moment I tuned into my Inner Being, the discomfort, angst and resentment lifted. It was crazy how fast and complete it was! One moment it was there, the next POOF! Totally abscent.

What flowed in its place were thoughts about how wonderful this experience turned out to be, how good realizing that felt, and how remarkable I was as a deliberate creator creating this experience. I felt compelled to voice these thoughts:

  • Wow, I feel much better.
  • This is so much better than how I felt before.
  • Those old beliefs soothed in my awareness placed on more empowering thoughts.
  • I am having a good time creating a new reality with just my awareness.
  • I get that my reality is my creation, including other people in my reality.

Then I started thinking about the meal I’m preparing:

  • This meal is going to be really good!
  • The au gratin smells delicious!
  • So do the roasted veggies!
  • The stuffing is going to be good too!

Then came the extraordinary convergence of reality matching my new perspective: At that exact point in time, Kimberly came bounding down the stairs. I heard her walk into the kitchen from inside my basement space. Then she sent me a text:

Trippy! The very moment I tuned into these better-feeling thoughts, my experience of Kimberly shifted. A new reality showed up including a different Kimberly!

Nevertheless I wanted to amplify how good I felt. It felt so good. These thoughts flowed next…

  • That’s so cool what just happened.
  • I shifted my reality!
  • And my apparitions shifted too.
  • What I’m discovering is so accurate.
  • I love my Inner Being relationship!

I felt waaaay better by now.

In that moment I returned to my original bliss. I realized too my old beliefs transformed as well: I see them now as having created experiences long ago that, I was destined to shift, in my now, my current Thanksgiving; and in doing so transforming my past holiday experiences, my present one and all future ones.

I have wonderful new memories about the holidays. Memories made more powerful because they sprung from enlightened consciousness. I know thoughts born from enlightened consciousness are far more powerful than those born out of it.

I also now know that I’ve transformed past, present and future in one fell swoop. I know it because I feel it.

What does it feel like? It feels like Joyful invincibility.

A client raves about her results

Getting what you want doesn’t need a ton of effort

This is an actual client who lives in rural America. Through being Positively Focused, she got her dream job, a ton of boys knocking at her door and, most important, she’s happy. What else could a young woman want? It’s all so fun getting all this with little effort on her part. Hear her tell it in her own (unscripted) words.

I know living a life loved comes easy. My life goes that way. I got started being Positively Focused. Then I discovered what we all are: Gods in human form.

I Don’t Need Trust When Evidence Abounds

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I need trust when there’s no evidence. But there’s evidence everywhere that I create the life I live. It’s important knowing where evidence is. That way I see it.

Evidence is all around me. The more I see, the more I see. There is overwhelming evidence. The only thing keeping me from seeing all that evidence is me.

More specific: What keeps me from seeing all the evidence are old beliefs I keep alive in my Moment of Becoming. Beliefs contrary to what I now know.

When these old beliefs, these old stories stay active, I don’t see the evidence. That’s because these old beliefs say “‘you create your reality’ is bullshit”.

They say my birth was a random chance of molecular and genetic predisposition. They say the universe is uncaring and objective, separate from me. They say I must do as others do to get what I want. They say I’m not unique. I’m not powerful. That I’m not eternal. That I am a small speck.

I know these stories are petering out in me. But their echos remain like ghosts. I know they’re still around, even though evidence supporting them is less visible. I know they’re still around because of how I feel sometimes.

I don’t feel this way as much as I feel ecstasy though.  These days ecstasy predominates.

But I know those old beliefs are still there. Because I sometimes feel a sliver of negative emotion. Standing there, in those stories, trust is needed.

Because there, I can’t see evidence telling me I create reality. Even though the evidence literally is right in my face.

Knowing where the evidence is, finding it regularly, seeing it in great big piles makes trusting unnecessary. That’s why I don’t need trust. I know.

Evidence “I create my reality” dominates. How else can it be?

• • •

Maybe, because people don’t know how to see the evidence, they create stories like “it doesn’t work” or “it’s bullshit”. Or, they call it “wishful thinking”.

Here’s the irony: It is working for these people too. Evidence is all around them.

That it’s not working is the evidence.

It looks like “it doesn’t work” because the story “it doesn’t work” creates life experience confirming that. 🤷🏽‍♂️

Stand in “It doesn’t work” then look for evidence of it working. Life will show you it’s not working. But that’s what you’re creating. So that’s what you’re seeing: it not working. And it working.

If you don’t know how to see the evidence, you’ll feel insecure, powerless and other negative emotions. You might get angry, or indignant. You’ll think you’re right. You’ll write blogs sharing your righteousness. You’ll post “Stories” on Facebook and Instagram. You’ll have facts. And, of course, you will be right.

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Life looks overwhelming, with chaotic events, pain, war, nasty politics and violence. It’s enough to keep a person in insecurity and fear. Until that person begins seeing evidence in all that. Evidence showing them they create their reality.

But you’re also not. Life experience created from any attitude (where you stand) matches that attitude. So you are right.

But you’re also not, because the life experience you’re creating is proving what you think. Thus, it is proving “it works” and “it doesn’t work” AT THE SAME TIME 😂😂😂

Negative emotions are strong. Let’s say someone stands in the attitude “it doesn’t work”. Then they look for evidence it does work as a way of trying to prove it doesn’t. In other words, they’re not really looking for evidence it does work. They’re looking for evidence confirming their attitude, which looks like the absence of evidence that it’s working.

When a person does that, they experience a range of emotions. Collectively it may feel like “disbelief” or “doubt”. Even “foolishness”. Foolishness sounds like this:

“I can’t believe I even tried to prove this shit works. I’m an idiot!”

Feeling doubt, the no-evidence-seer will draw to them all kinds of other stories/beliefs. Stories that reinforce their original story. The no-evidence-seer will then act in reinforcing ways. Including telling more stories which create more evidence of it not working. They’ll also draw to them people telling like stories. For the most part, that’s what science does when it considers this subject. 😂

For example, someone who believes science has all the answers might scoff to a friend about what happened. The friend may agree with the no-evidence-seer, themselves being one who also puts great weight in science. Such agreement reinforces the first no-evidence-seer’s beliefs.

What happens eventually is, no-evidence-seers live their lives in insecurity and powerlessness, aka “doubt”. Then they make things happen the hard way: Through effort, struggle, sacrifice.

I know. I was one of those people.

They don’t believe they create their reality. So they look to other people for guidance, advice, what success looks like, what love looks like, what happiness looks like. They don’t know they feel powerless or insecure most of the time because such feelings feel normal to them. Which is why ecstasy feels so extraordinary when it happens. Usually during sex. Or a wonderful meal. But hardly ever any other time.

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I once stood in doubt and disbelief. Standing there I couldn’t see evidence. So I did many others do in the same place: looked to others, hid my authentic self, concerned myself with what others thought about me. Not any more.

It’s ironic because ecstasy is supposed to be the dominant life experience.

Insecurity and powerlessness tell the person feeling them something. But the no-evidence-seer misses that message. So, they get lost in the spectacle of a willy-nilly created life. Random lives. Lives where dreams die. Where mediocrity predominates.

There’s nothing wrong with that. Statistically, it’s the average person’s life. And eventually everyone sees the evidence. Everyone sees it the moment they die.

That’s not my path though.

I see evidence everywhere. So I’m clear. I’m ecstatic about All That Is, about life, about my life, about me.

I need trust in the absence of evidence.

But I have plenty evidence.

So I don’t need trust.

 

Addendum: While editing this story, Apple Music played a song by Nina Simone. It’s called “Feeling Good”. The lyrics are appropriate given what I’ve shared here. I’m feeling good. You can too…

Feeling Good

Birds flying high you know how I feel
Sun in the sky you know how I feel
Breeze driftin’ on by you know how I feel
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life for me yeah
Ouh
And I’m feeling good
Fish in the sea, you know how I feel
River running free, you know how I feel
Blossom on the tree, you know how I feel
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good
Dragonfly out in the sun you know what I mean, don’t you know
Butterflies all havin’ fun, you know what I mean
Sleep in peace when day is done, that’s what I mean
And this old world, is a new world
And a bold world for me,
And I’m feeling good
Stars when you shine, you know how I feel
Scent of the pine, you know how I feel
Oh freedom is mine
And I know how I feel
It’s a new dawn
It’s a new day
It’s a new life
For me
And I’m feeling good

Powerful Nows Come From Positive Focused Stillness

 

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“Meditation”, the word, distracts attention, sending people in all kinds of directions. It’s really “stilling the mind” so that I can hear my Broader Consciousness guiding me to life experiences it/I knows/know will thrill and delight.

Meanwhile, those experiences benefit not only me. They also benefit all who experience them. “All” means both physical and nonphysical beings of all kinds. And as they benefit, so does the Universe. So does All That Is.

It’s the basis of All That Is. Expanded conscious awareness on all levels and all dimensions. That’s how important earthly life experience is.

Mind stillness is the prerequisite to knowing how accurate what I’m writing is. Through mental stillness, I have gradually gained awareness of the Inner Reality from which all that is physical emerges. I’m also learning how that “emergence” happens. Through mind stillness I have tuned into my “inner senses” — corollaries to my physical senses of sight, taste, smell, touch and hearing. So I now see the nonphysical world as clearly as I do the physical one.

I delight in what I’ve discovered. I delight in what I am discovering. I know there is more to discover. As there is no end to expansion. No end to All That Is, and thus no end to my personal life experience, which is a constant experience of new discoveries.

I Don’t Have To Die To Get To Heaven

water color sunset with text

I don’t get to heaven. Heaven comes to me.

I enter heaven by feeling good, being happy and acknowledging when cool things happen in response. Cool things offered to me, by me, which tells me I have walked through the pearly gates. There, my Personal Trinity celebrates me. They celebrate my choices. Because my choices make All That Is more.

To me, heaven is not someplace I go when I die. After all, there is no such thing as death in the sense most people understand that word. Instead, heaven is a state of mind. It results as life shows me how much I am blessed. It results when I see and acknowledge all moments where my Personal Trinity showers me with what I want. I don’t see all those moments. I’m getting better at that though.

Never the less, when I do recognize every thing I want is coming to me, I get a wonderful feeling. That feeling tells me I’m connected to the best part of me. That larger part of me.

Connecting like that. That’s heaven. When I’m in that place, my world matches that state. So Earth for me becomes heavenly.

Today was that kind of day. I woke to satisfying, vivid adventures in my dream scape. After few moments of post-sleep focus, dream experiences feel as real as wake scape. I wake from my dreams feeling heavenly. I know that experience demonstrates my higher awareness kicked in. I know I can’t connect with that “other” reality so clearly if my awareness isn’t at a high level.

Vivid, delicious dreams indicate spiritual advancement.

I did my usual morning routine. Then I meditated for 20 minutes. It was bliss. I found my center, something I love doing in meditation’s stillness. That amplified my already positive feelings. Through specific meditational processes, I re-enter the awareness state in which dreams occur. I know when I recall dreams this way while awake, I practice standing in that high awareness I’m in when dreaming. Only I’m not dreaming.

Being in that high awareness while awake is important. That state is the same unrestricted state which creates physical realities as delicious as dream state realities. Nightly dreams come for many reasons. One reason is through dream experiences, I learn how to hold that non-resistant state while awake.

This practice is how I become a master creator. I know the practice works because of what happens in dream scape. Re-presencing dreams in wake state tells me it’s working too. I also know it’s working because of how I feel. Finally, I know it’s working because of what happens in daily life.

Like what happened the rest of this day for example.

· · ·

So, feeling great, I got ready for an eight-hour shift at what I’m calling my “bridging job”.

My bridging job is what I’m doing while I sooth my beliefs about lack and scarcity. I’m replacing those with beliefs about plenty and abundance and possibility. And about not tying my financial abundance to action taken.

I know this is working because my days are getting better and better, week after week and month after month. How do I know they’re getting better? One, I keep a journal. Two, I see miracles – or rather what seem like miracles – happen more and more.

Only they’re not miracles. They’re not miracles because I know this is how life is supposed to be when I’m positively focused. Here are some of the things that happened the day I wrote this.

• A manager told me today that I am on a list of preferred employees at my “bridging job”. I’ve only been there two weeks. I know this indicates positive results of my focus. It also foretells more positive things experiences.

• My whole shift was fun and full of happy moments. I know these experiences should not be discounted. They are the stuff of what makes life heaven.

•  When I checked in this morning, I was assigned a brand new, awesome Ram Van. It only had 48 miles on it. It had all the bells and whistles. My manager said don’t get attached to specific vans because we often trade vans once we get to our loading site. Today, she said we would switch as usual. But, when we got to the site, instead of switching vehicles, we moved our loads to the vehicles we already had.  So I got to drive that van the whole shift. Awesome!

• Mid morning, I received an enormous indication. My trainee and I arrived at our first stop. We were looking for this one lobby where we would deliver a package for a customer, since he wasn’t home. My trainee found it. We were about to drive over there. It was quite a ways away. But just then, a guy parked right next to our van. He got out of his car. At that moment, as we were walking up to our van, I got an intuition our package belonged to this guy. The impulse to ask him was strong. So I asked him. He was the customer! So we gave him the package and avoided having to drive to the lobby. My trainee was stunned. “How did you know that was our customer?” he asked with a look on his face as though I had done some Jedi mind trick. I told him my intuition told me. I said I listen to my intuition all the time. I said I like writing about events just like this in my journal. When I do, I said, my intuition delivers more experiences just like this.

• Later, we had a package for a customer who didn’t leave us the code to get in the secured apartment lobby. As it happened, a FedEx delivery driver showed up at the front door just when we did. And, of course, he had the code. We all walked up together, chatting the whole way. It was a wonderful moment to share positive stories with each other!

I’ve written before that little things that happen that tell me bigger things are on the way. I know they are on the way, not only because of these little things that happen more often, but also because of how I feel. I know I want really big things. I also know my Personal Trinity is working behind the scenes creating my future now. A future now jam-packed with what I want.

And the more I do those things the clearer my dreams get. The clearer my dreams get, the more I match that clarity in my waking reality. The more I do that, the better my awareness becomes. And the more my awareness allows me to see little positive signs. Signs that my dreams, large and small, are becoming real.

As all thathappens I know I’m on the way to my biggest dreams of all.

It feels great being Positively Focused. I can’t think of any better way to live.