The Wonderful Paradox Of Trying to Control People

Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

People…Am I right?

I mean seriously! If only we could control how people behave. The world would be a better place, wouldn’t it? I mean, gosh, all those transgender people! All those right-wing whack-jobs!

If I were god…I would…

Many spiritual teachers encourage giving up and letting go of trying to control people. They even encourage going with the flow of everything. By letting go, they say, we free ourselves. We become more Zen.

It’s good advice. Especially when it comes to people.

But there’s more to this wisdom. That’s because within the letting go lies a paradox. The paradox being; when we let go we come into our power. And that power allows us absolute control of everything. Including other people.

Let’s explore that more.

Creating what we complain about

We cannot control people or events we witness with our eyes. We can’t because those people and events are complete manifestations in that moment. Trying to change those invites pushback. People get defensive. And events, well, they don’t change.

But future versions of events and people can and do change. However, most people focus on events and people they’re looking at. And when those events and people change in the future, they just change into more of what people see. It’s a paradox. It looks like things aren’t changing. They are though.

Eyes aren’t the only way we perpetuate more of what is. We also do it with our words. Complaining about a situation perpetuates it for example. Same with people. When we complain about others, we align ourselves to future versions of those people. That is, versions aligned with what we’re complaining about.

It’s kind of a built-in process of life experience. After all, we’re here to expand and grow into deeper levels of unconditional love. And when we’re not doing that – by complaining, for example – life gives us more to complain about. Until we give all that complaining up, let go and give in, what we complain about will get more intense on purpose.

Discovering absolute control

Giving in means letting the manifestED be. Instead of focusing on that, especially that which we don’t like, we can turn our attention to what we want. Holding focus there, we will, in time begin seeing a reality matching that focus.

In other words, what we focus on becomes our experience. The more purely we focus on what we want, the more of what we want we see.

This is the paradox of wanting to control. We can’t control circumstances or people. But when we focus on circumstances and people we want to experience, we manifest experience containing only that.

So we absolutely can control people and events. How else are we creating everything around us? It’s through control. Not of people and events. Those things are done, finished. But by leveraging our creative ability, by attending to our focus, the Universe then responds to that. And when it does, circumstance and people bend to our desire.

That’s right. We can create a version of anyone we want. All we need is focus.

Two clients recently proved this to themselves. They offer perfect examples. In one, the client experiences me creating a better version of her. I’ll set that up in a moment. In the other, a client creates a more loving version of her husband. You’ll hear what happened in both cases in the clients’ own words.

The paradox of this wisdom is when you exercise your focus, you have complete control of everything.

A client’s delight

In the first example, I created a better version of the client. The remarkable experience was the client herself recognized this without me pointing it out to her.

She had been no-showing her sessions over the course of many months. So, not being a hypocrite, I chose to create a version of this client who would attend her sessions regularly. Now, the Positively Focused Way isn’t magic. Things don’t instantly happen as a result of leveraging vibration.

But when held long enough, they do happen. They must or else the premises upon which the practice is based would prove false. In this case, it took six months for the new version of the client to emerge. What happened at the end of that period was astounding…mostly for the client. I knew what was going to happen though. Still, I enjoyed the client’s realization. You will too. Take a listen:

A client realizes what happened when I created an improved version of her.

Another client marvels at her power

In the next example, the client and her husband had a rough night. Both struggle with anxiety. That’s something I’m showing my client how to soothe. She’s doing great on that subject. Because of this, she’s taking the Positively Focused Way seriously. She sees evidence of its effectiveness. So she’s testing it everywhere in her life.

The night she and her husband experienced strong anxiety over finances, she decided to use the practice to create a better version of her husband. She told the story in her session, which she allowed me to share. It’s a perfect example, showing how accurate everything in this post is. Take a listen:

A client creates a better version of her husband.

Several other clients have experienced similar results. In fact, my clients have experienced so many examples, it’s undeniable to them and to me.

You can enjoy them in your own life

You are a creator. Every experience is your creation, wanted or not. Therefore, why not create experiences you want? Everyone can. My clients are proving it to themselves. You can prove it to yourself too.

And that’s the rub of life. Words are just that, words. They only go so far. But your life experience convinces better than any amount of words. Even words from me or my clients, people whose experiences have proven it to them.

This explains why I encourage everyone to put this practice to the test. Life is a wonderful spiritual experience. It’s a paradox therefore. It looks real. It’s about as real as it gets. But that “reality” belies how much control you have over it. It looks like an objective reality. It’s not though. It’s 100 percent subjective. And you are the subject. In other words, you’re the creator of it.

As such, you have absolute control. That’s because you’re creating it. All of it. So why not exercise that control deliberately? Let me who you how. Become a client today.

When A Scam Is An Awesome Gift Of Love

Photo by Towfiqu barbhuiya on Unsplash

I suppose most people think being scammed is a bad thing. But a scammer taking advantage of you tells you something really good.

No, it doesn’t tell you you’re stupid. Or that you should be more aware…although you probably should. What it is telling you is that there is something happening inside you that makes you a match to that experience.

Yes, the scam “victim” draws that experience into their life. Being scammed isn’t a random event. No event is. Instead, it’s a reflection of an inner state, a vibrational state. The event vibrationally matches that inner state, so it shows up in the scammed person’s experience as manifested reality.

This is exactly what happened with a client recently, although she caught it early enough to avoid being scammed. Just like I did before.

I wrote about what most people would say was the positive side of this experience last week. But this week I’m going to share another positive side. A side most would probably think was “negative”.

But it’s not. It’s very, very positive.

Desperation: a great money maker

As I wrote last week, this client finds herself attached to a certain guy. This guy waffles in his affection for her. The client knows she deserves better. But because of beliefs causing her attachment, she can’t pull herself away from the guy. I mean, she could, but she feels compelled not to.

As a result, she wants him to change. But he won’t change. That’s because her focus remains on his waffling behavior. She doesn’t like that behavior. But because she fixates on it, it persists.

Not only that. It’s getting stronger.

And as it does, her desire for it to change gets stronger too. So the two amplify each other. That amplification leaves my client feeling desperate. And desperation is what the vibration feels like that makes one a match to scammers.

Especially scammers who use the potential of finding love as their leverage.

No where are people more desperate than in their pursuit of love. They’re willing to spend thousands to get it. They’re also willing to kiss a lot of frogs.

Meanwhile, the endearing, unconditional love they seek in the world around them exists closer than they think. It’s right there inside them. It’s the connection between them and their Broader Perspective. And when a person connects to that, love from another human pales in comparison.

The irony is, when a person has this inner relationship front-and-center, human relationships get better. And love one wants from another human gets better too.

Conditional love or unconditional love?

The client in question doesn’t have this Broader Perspective relationship front-and-center though. Instead, she’s allowed her relationship with Mr. Waffle to displace that relationship. And this is why she feels desperate. Because love from another human always comes with conditions. Broader Perspective love, however, is unconditional.

Displace that unconditional love with conditional love and the immediate feeling is insecurity. Keep it there long enough and insecurity turns to worry, concern, fear, jealousy and even hatred. These emotions happen when that unconditional love another human brings to the table bears out as unconditional: when they get mad at us for not meeting their expectations. Or for doing something they don’t like.

Our Broader Perspective has no conditions we can’t meet. It doesn’t get mad at us. We don’t irritate it. It just loves us, period.

A person trying to rely on conditional love can develop feelings of desperation when everything they try fails to coax their partner into behaving the way they want. That’s what was happening with this client. And that’s why she was feeling desperation.

Finding her way

So last week when those four new perfectly-matched dating options showed up, the client was overjoyed, at first. As she explored one of them more deeply, however, he turned out to be a scammer. A scammer preying on people desperate for love.

This revelation had the client feeling angry, then sad. But what was happening wasn’t sad. It didn’t have to be anger-inducing either. That’s because the experience showed my client exactly where she was vibrationally. And if she didn’t know where she was vibrationally standing, she couldn’t do anything about it.

Thankfully, the client’s Broader Perspective got her attention well enough to trigger skepticism about this person. She looked into it a bit more, then discovered the plot.

She’s still struggling though. She hasn’t yet found her way through disempowering stories on various subjects. Stories that have her feeling vibrationally low. And creating circumstances, events…and men, projecting that low vibration back to her.

And yet, improvement is on the horizon. So long as one persists in their focus, their desire to improve their vibration, that will happen. Then the world must reflect that improved vibration back to her in the form an improving life experience.

In the meantime, this client already has created enough evidence on other subjects proving the Positively Focused Way works. So she’s going to persist. Which means she’s eventually going to get everything she desires. Including a satisfying relationship.

The Universe Is The Best Dating Service

Photo by Jamez Picard on Unsplash

On my other blog, I encourage readers avoid online dating. It’s costly. It rarely succeeds. And it’s not very fun. Especially for BIPOC.

Recently, a Positively Focused client came to her own understanding of this. She realized, unconsciously, as most clients do, that the Universe is a wish-granting jewel. It constantly fulfills every desire.

Just because it does that, however, doesn’t mean we receive every desire fulfilled. To receive, we must be tuned in. We must be on the same frequency of the fulfilled desire. That means, of course, following Broader Perspective impulses. If we do that, we end up at the perfect place and time to real-ize fulfilled desire.

However, most of us don’t know how to hear impulses. So we move through life haphazardly. Or we rely on “doing”. We try making things happen. Instead of allowing them to happen.

That’s what lead to my client’s epiphany.

Attachment breeds unconsciousness

My client currently is in love. Rather, she thinks she is. Actually, she’s in very strong attachment. Attachment over this guy she thinks is “The One”. The problem is, no person is that. The only “The One” in our lives is us. In other words, we each are our own “The One”.

Most of us don’t realize this though. That’s because society talks us out of our inner knowing. We then forget we are eternal. We forget we are eternally loved, loved by us, and that no other love can compare to that. Especially conditional love from another human.

This client finds herself thus. She’s struggling, therefore. She’s struggling because she’s experiencing things she doesn’t like about this guy. Every time they spend time together and get close, for example, he freaks out. Intimacy frightens him. So he’ll waffle. One day he’s all Lovey-dovey. The next day, he “needs space.”

This pattern may sound familiar.

The problem for my client is her attachment. She wants so bad for this person to change. But he can’t change when she focuses so much on his behavior she doesn’t like. Behavior reflecting her own waffling way of being.

That’s right, my client realizes in this guy’s behavior that she was this way in relationship for decades. So she is having her dominant way of being in relationship reflected back to her.

I told her this was the purpose of this relationship: to have her see what’s happening inside her, vibrationally. Seeing that, she can then change her frequency.

But she’s not having that. Which has her suffering in indecision and strong resistance. Resistance she thinks is desire. She’s struggling in attachment too. Attachment she thinks is love.

But it’s not.

Which is why what happened next is so compelling.

The Universe delivers

While my client holds onto attachment for dear life, her focus on what she doesn’t want already has created what she does want. The Universe already answered her desire for a better relationship, in other words.

Still, her attachment has her pining for this one guy, rather than going with the flow of her unfolding.

“I was on my Facebook profile,” she explained one session. We were talking about her dating possibilities and how the Universe keys up an infinite stream of increasingly better quality men for her. “I rarely visit it. So when I did, I noticed I had 150 new friend requests.”

She continued: “I’m on eHarmony. None of the men I see there are attractive to me. It’s depressing.”

The client said she wondered while pursuing her online dating profile if she should date only widowers. She thinks such men would be better matches. That’s because, supposedly, they had long, enduring relationships, right up to the bitter end! Then she said she also thought she should date only engineers, since she gets along with such guys easily. She used to work in an engineering-heavy industry.

“So when I looked at the friend requests,” She explained. “Four of them were really handsome men. All four were widowers and all were engineers! That’s so weird.”

“Weird” means “I’m oblivious”

“Weird” is a common client refrain. Like most people, clients don’t get how consistently Universe delivers on all desires. So they don’t experience enough evidence of it. When I point out the evidence, they can’t believe it’s how the Universe works. They instead see these experiences as standing out. As strange. As “weird”.

In time, anyone will move beyond “weird” to just accepting that the Universe does this. But until then, people just can’t accept that these “coincidences” are how the Universe works. In other words, they’re oblivious. And that obliviousness blocks them from seeing their desires fulfilling themselves, like this client seeing the Universe give her matches without her having to do anything.

This obliviousness is why people are trying to find their match via online dating. And trying to “make” other things happen in their lives too. They think “doing” is the key to getting what they want. When in fact, relaxing and trusting will make it happen easier and with more fun.

People make a lot of money out of other people thinking “doing” is the only way.

I encouraged my client to get this: That the Universe knows better how to deliver what she wants. And that no amount of doing can replace the power and leverage of the Universe.

But she’s still attached. So she’s still struggling. Meanwhile, the wonder wasn’t wasted on me. I reveled in the awareness giving me insight into the gift the client received. Even if she can’t enjoy that awareness fully…yet.

I know, in time, should she continue, she will. It’s the natural unfolding of All That Is. All That Is, which is what we all are.

Discover how the Universe is serving you with utmost loyalty. Contact me. Let’s get you started in your own practice.

How To Create Your Perfect Relationship In No Time, Pt. 1

Untitled_Artwork 19

In only six sessions learning the Positively Focused approach, a client of ours created the perfect relationship with his ideal woman.

In this post and the next, I’ll dissect what happened. This is how it can happen for anyone. In the next post, I’ll detail what happened next.

Joe (not his real name), contacted us through our free 1:1 offer. Like many clients, he desperately wants a relationship with a specific kind of woman. Desperation is not a great place from which to meet someone.

But it is a great place to examine your stories. And how your reality reflects back to you stories you’re telling.

Information Joe got from the free 1:1 convinced him the next step was worth the money. So he engaged us in our 1:1 offer.

• • •

The first few sessions involved exploring beliefs producing behaviors he didn’t like. He frequents working girls late at night or in early morning dark hours.

Some of these girls were/are drug-addicted. Others treated him like crap. Others treated him nicely. He has a mix of experiences reflecting his mix of beliefs about relationships and life, and women too. About himself too.

We explored how his beliefs create these experiences. Joe realized beliefs he didn’t know he had. Beliefs triggering desperation he felt about finding a partner. The same beliefs creating his experiences with women, including the kinds of women he met.

Desperation isn’t new to Joe. Some times in his life desperation (and the associated emotion “pain”) got so intense he contemplated suicide. Alongside relationship desperation, Joe also feels desperation about his life, his job and about himself. Beliefs triggering these feelings include one common to A LOT of people. That belief is “I’m not worthy of having what I want.”

• • •

I know how deep beliefs can be. They connect with other beliefs, creating Belief Constellations or weaving through and shaping life experience.

It wasn’t surprising then when I found through our next sessions that Joe’s mother herself was and may still be drug addicted. She also had a working girl past.

No one comes into life experiences that are “too much to handle”. Everyone chooses the experience they get before they get it. Hardly anyone understands this.

At Positively Focused, we help people understand why and how that is. Then we show them how to use that awareness to get joy and satisfaction from life and relationships. The same joy and satisfaction they knew they would get when they chose human life experience.

Beliefs create our reality. This includes beliefs we focus on before becoming human. These beliefs set up birth circumstances. Including the parents we are born to.

I explained why a person like Joe would come into the world through a parent who has sex work and drug addiction as part of her life experience. I described how those experiences create momentum. And how that momentum creates the reality he has. It wasn’t an easy conversation. But Joe got it.

Untitled_Artwork 20

I know when you pull at one belief, many others get uncovered. By our fifth session, Joe realized more long-running beliefs. Beliefs about his unworthiness as a person. Beliefs about how the women he wants won’t accept him for who he is and what he has (and doesn’t have). Beliefs about feeling stuck in his job. Feeling shame about where he is in life.

In other words, beliefs a lot of humanity secretly shares. Some beliefs you may share.

What’s great about this work is, once beliefs get uncovered, sometimes they start resolving on their own. They kind of lose their grip when exposed to the light of conscious awareness. Automatically, again in some cases, new beliefs get born from that exposure. Those new beliefs can create explosive positive results.

That’s what happened to Joe.

• • •

Before our sixth session, Joe texted me. He said he needed to cancel our meeting. I asked why. He explained he met a woman, was going on a daytime date with her and was excited about the potential. A daytime date was unusual for Joe. As I said, he typically meets women at night.

Screen Shot 2019-09-02 at 13.44.59 PM

“Yes I’m actually hanging out with a new trans woman friend of mine,” he said via text. “We met Tuesday and hung out a couple of times and have been talking since. I like her a lot. She’s treats me well.”

I wasn’t surprised by this. This is how things work when someone starts seriously looking at their beliefs. But I was also concerned about Joe.

That’s because Joe got results we promise. But he doesn’t know something important. His old beliefs are still active in his life experience. So it’s a sure bet this transgender woman he met has her own beliefs. Beliefs matching Joe’s. Beliefs she may not be aware of.

So I clued him in:

remember

 

Joe responded that he already has been seeing some of those signs. That’s why, he wrote, “I’m working to be the best version of myself. The work that you and I are doing is working!!! 😀”

Screen Shot 2019-09-02 at 13.46.38 PM

Joe said when they first talked, they realized they both needed each other.

“I know the Universe orchestrated our meeting,” he wrote. “I was finishing up at a warehouse where I picked up a load and she was finishing work around the same time and we were really near one another….”

Screen Shot 2019-09-02 at 13.46.23 PM

Joe added that he already can see how his beliefs about women have changed because, he said, “along with being very kind and cool person, she has a good job, makes good money and has a nice place in a nice neighborhood.”

Indeed.

I know the Positively Focused approach is not mainstream. That’s why Positively Focused  guarantees results. Joe’s example is normal. Anyone can meet their match and enjoy a relationship that works for them. It just takes changing your beliefs so that you can meet the person you want. The person who is waiting for you. Your perfect match.

But so is everything else you’ve wanted in life. Minus the struggle. Minus the sacrifice.