Why I Focus On Me Over All Else
How to keep your heart from breaking
What is a broken heart? A broken heart is a mindset.
Society romanticizes broken hearts. Movies get made. Songs get sung. Getting hurt happens, right?
Not necessarily.
No one need ever experience a broken heart. Put your heart in the right place. It will never break again.
My recent relationship taught me that. 😂 ❤️👍🏾
· · ·
Lauren and I got acquainted when she contacted me online.
Mutual affection grew fast, as we had a lot in common. She’s trans. I’m Transamorous. We both shared art, love of music, philosophy, food and more.
But as intimacy grew, she got more nervous. The closer we got, the more uncomfortable she got.
I relish love. I relish love because I am love. Connected to my Inner Being, expressing unconditional love flows like breathing. So, naturally, I shared spontaneous appreciation for Lauren. I appreciated Lauren’s existence, her talent, and her strengths, especially strengths she developed as she’s accepted being trans.
For a while she appreciated all that.
Then it got too much for her.
Relationships are nice-to-haves
I know if I’m patient, the Universe will show me everything I want. It will also show me reasons why I may not want what I have.
As my Broader Perspective connection strengthens, I desire human affection less. Connection to Broader Perspective showers me with an incredible, unconditional love. A love so deep and satisfying, relationships with other people get put in their proper place: as nice-to-haves, not as must haves.
There’s no forlornness when I’m not in a relationship because my Inner Being relationship dominates. It (my Inner Being) always floods me, its love so strong and overflowing and present, I never feel alone. I feel loved.
So I never feel yearning or that I’m missing out on love. My Broader Perspective’s unconditional love for me is enough. When it pores through me I become that. Pure love.
So why seek relationships with people when I become that which people crave from relationships?
Good question.
Thoughts make reality
My perspectives on human relationships changed since discovering my Inner Being. I yearned for them before. I felt incomplete without one. But yearning creates problems. In yearning I sow seeds of loss. Here’s how that works.
When I yearn for something, then get it, I fear I’m going to lose that for which I’ve yearned. Holding tight to what I’ve got for fear of losing it guarantees I will lose it. Holding something tight like that emphasizes its loss. Reality springs from thoughts.
Tightness in my body born of fear is reality. Physical sensations are real, right? So my thoughts about losing someone creates an incipient reality: a feeling. In this case “tightness”.
In that reality, my behavior reflects my fear. I say things consistent with fear. I interpret what I see from that fear. I may even start checking out relationship options. I hedge my bets.
Meanwhile my partner knows what’s up. They may not know it in their awareness, yet they still know. That’s why a partner might check your phone or email. A hunch will push through into their awareness. There are no secrets. We’re all one.
Unchecked my fear creates even more real, realities. This is called momentum. My partner may find my bet hedging, then get insecure. Before long tension grows. Fights happen. Mistrust grows. They might start bet-hedging. Then the breakup comes.
Thoughts come from somewhere
Inner reality is real. Where do you think thoughts come from? Thought is a physical reality.
Thoughts drive perception. Perception is reality too. Perception then drives behaviors. Behaviors are reality. Behaviors influence others and their behavior. Others cooperate with me helping create my reality. They act consistent with my thoughts.
So behaviors always match Inner Reality. Since reality springs from behavior, and behavior springs from perception, and perception springs from thoughts and thoughts come from Inner Reality, then my Inner Reality must become one’s physical reality starting with my thoughts.
That’s how it works.
I know how to create realities I want. My emotions guide me. The better I feel, the more I know my becoming reality includes my fulfilled desires. That’s because positive thoughts must become positive realities.
Strong connection with my Inner Being short circuits yearning, fear and insecurity, replacing them with appreciation and love. My job: staying there as best I can. I don’t always. But doing that consistent enough creates realities consistent with appreciation and love.
So if a partner chooses something other than a relationship with me, I see the former relationship in its proper perspective: a nice-to-have. Not so significant that I create realities consistent with painful loss. Were I to do that, I would experience a broken heart. For a broken heart is a physical reality (an emotion) triggered by thoughts consistent with “broken heart realities”.
Love happens best when alone
Human love can’t match Inner Being unconditional love. Moreover, another person can’t match all that my Inner Being gives me in its love for me. It literally gives me everything I want in wonderful, surprising ways and in perfect timing. I write about these in this blog.
Human relationships always come up short compared to that. That doesn’t make human relationships bad. They are what they are.
Love doesn’t come from another person. Love happens when, while with a person, I tune into thoughts that connect me with my Inner Being. It’s my Inner Being connection that triggers love. Not being in relationship. Which means, I can feel love outside relationship.
This puts relationships in a less triggering perspective. I conjure love at will. So if a relationship ends, it’s not the end of my love, or my world. And my heart breaks no more.
So when Lauren called distraught and in crisis about our relationship, I took it in stride. Despite all we had in common, despite being with someone who loved her, she focused on things she thought we didn’t share. Real things for her. Perception is reality. Her perception saw broken hearts in our future. That scared her.
- She said long distance relationships were something she didn’t do. Yet, she was doing one.
- She said I put too many expectations on her. I put no expectations on her. I only wanted to love her.
- She said me telling her I loved her filled her with anxiety.
- She said our relationship would fail.
I found it strange that the more I showered her with love the less she enjoyed us. I found it strange until she told me how people in her past said they loved her, but their behavior said otherwise. She doesn’t know that thoughts create reality. She doesn’t know other people act out what you’re thinking. They do that so your thoughts are “made real” for your examination. They’re made real so you can do something about them.
For me our relationship already succeeded and had no other choice but to succeed going forward. Where she saw “red flags”, I saw adventure and opportunity.
As I said, when one gets connected to one’s Inner Being, it will show that person why they may not want what they have. In her objections, Lauren showed me why Lauren may not be something I want. She wasn’t consistent with my “love vibration”. So she took herself out of my reality, leaving me free to love and be loved.
For me, relationship success looks like a relationship through which two parties are better off because of it. That means two find greater harmony with their Inner Beings by experiencing life with one another.
That’s what happened for me with Lauren. And so where is the case for failure, or a broken heart?
It’s easy to never have a broken heart again. It starts with prioritizing the one relationship that will never end, the one relationship through which I get everything I want, no matter what that is, and then some. That’s the relationship between me and me.
Standing there, I never lose love. Or anything else. It’s all gain. And my heart remains whole.
Open relationships: the best path to the one best relationship
The end of my marriage started with my wife wanting an open relationship. It was the best thing that happened in our marriage.
Through her desire for an open relationship, I found the best relationship ever.
Many people going through what I went through feel scared, or insecure or betrayed. I felt eagerness. What did I know that others don’t? Something extraordinary was happening.
Feeling fear, insecurity or betrayal, you miss the extraordinary.
I started Positively Focused so people could get what I got: When your partner wants an open relationship and you don’t, or vice versa, an extraordinary thing is happening.
Open relationships: either partner may want one
Many years ago, it was me who wanted an open relationship. My wife (now ex-wife) and I were in counseling, doing what many couples do: trying to fix things not needing fixing.
I married her because she needed to be married. I loved her, but that’s not why I married her. I didn’t want to be married.
She did not like not being married. I’m always the bridesmaid but never the bride, she’d say. Her mother convinced her she’d never get married. Her mother claimed her daughter had unlovable qualities. That’s accurate. But ironically, those qualities came from her mother.
I know now everyone chooses their parents. My then wife chose her’s and the path we walked together. She didn’t know this during our early years together. Neither did I.
Back then I thought “maybe I could help her get over this upbringing by doing the one thing that would show her mother she was wrong.” So I gave her what she wanted. A ring and a marriage.
It didn’t help. That complaint went away. But other things happening in my wife, and in me, made our relationship….let’s call it…typical.
For one, when we met, I was looking for a transgender partner. She was looking for a woman. I am out and proud about my trans-attraction, having created a website, The Transamorous Network. My online dating profile clearly expressed my preference.
She said she knew we were a match regardless.
That’s true. We weren’t a marriage match. We were a match for other reasons. Reasons driving us both towards our authentic selves.
I see that now. You are on the same path.
• • •
Don’t think this is unusual. Many things bring couples to the alter. My father, for example, once married a foreigner so she could stay in the US. I know a guy who married a transgender woman for the same reasons. They don’t live together. Never have.
A Transamorous Network client of mine, who is himself trans-attracted, knew he was trans-attracted well before marrying his cisgender wife. He married her anyway. He feared telling her the truth because he didn’t want to lose her. It’s not likely their counseling will fare any better than me and my ex-wife’s.
Many people marry while not wanting monogamy. But like my trans-attracted client, many people hide who they are out of insecurity or inauthenticity. Some people not wanting monogamy get married anyway. Marriage will test inauthenticity. My client couldn’t handle being inauthentic. So he (seemingly unwittingly) sabotaged his marriage. He hooked up with a trans sex worker who outed him on Facebook.
Your life experience trumps your marriage. It (your life experience) demands your authentic self. It finds ways around your inauthenticity so your authenticity can shine.
That’s the purpose of all human relationships: they point us to our authentic selves. They aren’t meant to give us love, belonging companionship and security, although some do temporarily. Relationships are processes. They’re verbs. Not nouns.
Most believe relationships endure. “Death do us part” go the vows.
But relationships are “until growth do us part”. You may ask, growth towards what? Towards greater authenticity.
Some people understand this: relationships reflect who we as individuals are. They do that so we live authentically. Relationships represent physical examples of our inner ideals, concepts and beliefs about ourselves. Those ideals, concepts and beliefs get presented to us through our relationship dynamic, warts and all.
People get bored in their relationships because their relationships have become, as someone I respect says, “like gum you’ve chewed all the flavor out of.” When someone decides it’s time for a new piece of gum, relationship-wise, it means they’re growing into more of who they are.
Open relationships do what one-on-one relationships do, times 1,000.
One way or another it’s going to happen
While in counseling, I wanted my wife and I to explore open relationships together. But I knew back then she wasn’t ready. She was far too insecure to give that a try. Later, when she decided she was going to have an open relationship, it was no question whether we’d do it together. She was going to do it. Without me.
I think she justified her decision by first telling me I could sleep with whoever I wanted. I described how that happened here. It was effortless how it happened from my perspective.
But, by the time it happened, I was so far into the spiritual life evidenced by this blog, I wasn’t interested.
Instead, the growth that had my wife demand and act on her open relationship desires, flung me further into my relationship with my Inner Being. I haven’t looked back. And I regret none of the journey.
The best relationship I could ever want
My Inner Being relationship brings more satisfaction, joy, peace, security and a sense of invulnerability no other relationship can match. What’s more, my Inner Being relationship allows a reality, a life experience, in which everything I want comes so easily, it’s ridiculous. I write about these experiences in this blog.
This Inner Being relationship enriches me spiritually too. New dimensions I discover about me and life astonish me daily. I can’t imagine a human-human relationship matching that.
What’s really interesting though is how much love I feel. I feel a total, unconditional love moving through me…for me…from me…from my Inner Being.
I get it now. Through my experience with my wife’s desire for an open relationship, I now have the best relationship I could ever want. It’s not with another person. It’s with me. The inevitability is clear. I got the best life through my wife having sex with other men.
These days, for me, people relationships pale in comparison to the relationship I have with me.
Think about it: what human being can and will give me literally whatever I want? No one!
What relationship with another human can give me the unconditional love I feel from my Inner Being? A wife is not going to do that. A husband won’t. It’s not another person’s job to orchestrate the Universe in ways that bring me what I want. Or to give me unconditional love.
Love I might get from people can’t match what I get from my Inner Being. My Inner Being relationship makes being in relationship with another person…well, not as high-falutin’ as society makes it.
I know that’s because generally, people don’t understand love, let alone why we have emotions in the first place. They don’t understand unconditional love. Another person will never love you unconditionally.
Why? It’s not their job.
A lot of relationships are based on that premise though. That’s what relationship failure looks like before a relationship fails – people looking for (unconditional) love in the wrong place: other people.
You get that from yourself. Not others. Getting lasting, inexhaustible love from yourself not only is easy, with results that are immediate, it’s also fun. You’d think it magical, if it weren’t so eminently logical. It starts with being Positively Focused.
Many people going through what I went through feel scared, insecure, betrayed or some other negative emotion. They don’t know something extraordinary can come from what’s happening. So they get pain and frustration instead of joy and freedom.
Which is why I started Positively Focused.
When your partner wants an open relationship and you don’t, or when you want one and they don’t, you’ve come to a crossroads. What happens next can be extraordinary.
Bonus content:
After writing this I received a question: “But what if I want to keep my marriage?”
The answer is, “That depends on how you think about marriage”. You can keep your marriage. But not if you think that means it stays how it was, with the person you’re with.
Marriage brings comfort, security, peace, relief from being alone, perhaps, companionship, and sexual satisfaction (for a while). But a person doesn’t need “marriage” or a relationship to have these things. In fact, relying on another (through a relationship) to get these things is a sure recipe to sooner or later, lose them.
The best place to get these things is from yourself. When you do, people relationships that come through that connection are far stronger and more satisfying.
Remember, your marriage or any relationship reflects back to you stories you’re telling that create the marriage. Fixing your marriage doesn’t work if you’re oblivious to stories you’re telling that create the marriage you have.
If you leave your current relationship or marriage for another, while not doing anything about the stories, you’re just going to get more of what you had. Only with a different person. Or a number of different persons. Open relationships don’t solve anything. Nothing needs solving.
Stories create reality. Change reality by changing stories you tell about reality. Including the reality that is your marriage.
Want to know more? Write me.
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Here’s how an effortless life looks
I spoke with a client a couple days ago. He was in major distress. He’s a new client, struggling with his beliefs about a “diagnosis” he is allowing to shape his life experience.
He’s learning “diagnoses” are just beliefs with a lot of momentum. Therefore, any “diagnosis” can be reversed. He only need allow more momentum for the “diagnosis”-free state. When he does, that “diagnosis” will exit his life experience.
My client already is proving this to himself. He’s having improvement. But his focus is still too much on beliefs associated with “diagnosis”. So he often comes to our sessions in anguish.
A couple days ago he was distraught, in fear and crying uncontrollably. I helped him soothe that condition using the Positively Focused framework. He could have done this himself. Clients further along do this on their own. But Chris doesn’t quite trust himself.
Then told him if he practiced more deliberately what he is learning, he would see more improvement.
Two days later, he wrote me a message. He noticed improvement not long after talking the first time. Then he received a message from his Inner Knowing. It was a clear message to rest.
But he also had an appointment with a doctor.
Instead of following is Inner Knowing and skipping the appointment, he went to the doctor, who, of course prescribed Chris some pills. That night Chris didn’t sleep at all. Not sleeping at all is one of the indicators of his manifesting “diagnosis”.
As you can see from his messages above, he was hard on himself. That’s when I clued him in on what’s really going on:
After sending those messages, I got on my bike to head to a class. The path I take offers many options to get there. I usually take a path that includes crossing railroad tracks. The day before, on the way home, I noticed a train crossing the road. So I took the alternate path home. I’m getting to a point… 🙄
This morning, on the way to that class, I got close to where the tracks are. That’s when I got a message from my Inner Being. It said “take the [alternate path]”. At the same time, I saw in my mind’s eye, a train crossing the road, blocking traffic.
So I took the alternate path. Halfway over the road that passes over the train tracks, I got goose pimples. Then I felt a rush of exhilaration. That’s when I got how my client’s experience overlapped my own.
I received a message from my Inner Knowing just like he had. Only I followed it. And look what happened. Had I not followed my inner guidance, I would have been late.
I followed it though, so I got to class in plenty of time. I had so much time, in fact, I caught a video of the train…and wrote an entry about it in my journal.
When I got to class, I sent my client the video and told him how wonderful this was as a demonstration for him, but also for me, reminding me and showing him that our Inner Beings know everything about what we’re wanting and how to get it. No matter how big or small, our Inner Being is on it!
This is how lining up with my inner knowing allows an effortless life. A life free of little annoyances. My Inner Knowing knows what I want and how to get it. And because it’s constantly showing me that, I can have a life that seems…well magical. If I tune into the guidance I’m sending me.
Anyone can have a life like this.
It seems like magic. Only it’s not magic. It’s just what happens when I get Positively Focused.
I think it’s awesome how both of us, my client and me, benefitted from this experience.
And I’m excited for my client’s continued adventure into his delightful life, free of that diagnosis. Soon he will have an amazing story to tell. Just like my client Tamar.
A client tells her story
When Tamar signed up for her first 1:1 spiritual mentoring session almost two years ago, she was living in a tent in the backyard of a house she owned in Australia. Back then, Tamar had a dream, she said, of one day circumnavigating the Australian continent by sea…
I got this direct message (above) from her last week. Here’s Tamar’s story, in her own words:
“I used to live in a tent in the back yard of the house I owned. Now, I have found my joy like never before…and I’m free.
…I knew I was different at an early age. Gentle, caring, and quite frankly horrified at the expectations that were thrust upon me. I had no concept of being transgender back then. I tried to prove my masculinity, to others and myself, by working extremely “manly” jobs. Those jobs took their toll on my body. Finally owning my transgender identity took its toll on my marriage.
While I raised my four kids successfully, under a roof I paid for, before my transition, I was living estranged from my family and wife in a tent in the backyard of the house I spent all my working life affording.
Needless to say that fact left me bitter, resentful and unhappy.
The jobs I worked left me on disability. I used to think being transgender was a handful in and of itself. But in addition to that, I was diagnosed with PTSD, and an anxiety disorder.
I would literally have panic attacks when around crowds. Even the thought of being around strangers left me feeling exposed, anxious, fearful and alone. That’s to say nothing about finding a romantic male partner. For me, romance was not even on the table.
Then I encountered Positively Focused. All along I knew myself to be a divine character, but my life experience and the stories I created were making a life that matched that seem like a pipe dream: how could I live who I knew myself to be when I faced so many obstacles?
So when I found Positively Focused, I was in an extremely negative space. And not just emotionally.
After just six Positively Focused sessions, I created an entirely new reality for myself. I’m now living in a nice apartment that came to me…seemingly miraculously.
I have more money, my privacy and I’m far, far from that living situation I dreaded every moment I was there.
But more importantly is how I feel. I’m in the best condition I’ve been in. Ever. Looking back at that first session, I don’t even recognize myself!
A new life has begun. A freer one. All my dreams I put on hold are in sight.
It’s great to be out of that tent. After I have settled in, and rested a while, I’ll be ready to find a friend.
It’s strange. Not long ago, I had given up on getting away from that old living situation. I had started shopping online for hiking gear, spending my money. I had come to the conclusion that if I was going to live in a tent anyway, the peace of the woods was better than where I was. I was getting ready to be homeless.
But then I received a call from a person I spoke to a couple of weeks ago. They gave me the unit I had asked for. I found it odd, that within hours of “letting go”, I was given what I wanted/needed.
Intriguing, and exciting also, perhaps.
Needless to say, I’ve benefitted tremendously from my Positively Focused experience. I realize my case may be extreme. But if Positively Focused can turn my life around, it can certainly do wonders for yours.”
Tamar wrote that in 2018. As I’ve said, as momentum increases, life gets better and better. For Tamar, that means living dreams once put on hold.
“Realists” criticize people who have their head in the clouds, who see the glass as overflowing. Pollyanna gets a bad wrap from people who think they’re being real, when they’re actually being pessimistic.
Meanwhile those who are Pollyanna – who see the world Positively Focused – are getting lives they love.
Just like Tamar here. You can too!
How I Control What I Don’t
Illustrations by me 😊
What Life Looks Like When It’s Fun
Life is supposed to be fun. Fun and delightfully surprising.
What makes life that way are little things happening all day every day. Things I used to miss before I got Positively Focused.
Not every “manifestation” is a great, big wish-fulfilling, earth-shaking event. I know if I focus too much on trying to have those, not only do such events come less often, I miss the many, many little events that make life sweet fun.
I’ll try getting these little stories out the day they happen. Really though, these things happen so often, I can’t even capture them all in my journal. Let alone share them in my blog(s). Still, starting with what happened today, I’m going to try to share more of them…It’s fun sharing them.
· · ·
I needed to get groceries this morning. It’s thirty-seven degrees outside. Rain was predicted around 11. I wanted to go and get back before the rains came.
I noticed my skull cap wasn’t where I keep it. These days, when something seems missing, I don’t think of it as “lost”. Something seen as “lost” connects me with a reality in which that thing really is lost. Then I can’t find it.
Instead, I think “where is it?” then I let the question go. That way, I can tune into the reality in which the thing is there.
That happened with my skull cap. I kept getting ready. I walked over to the basket where I keep my winter gear. Knowing it’s cold outside, I reached for my riding mittens. One of the other gloves in the basket fell behind my camera bag sitting on the floor.
I reached to get the glove, got it, then felt something else there. Guess what it was?
That’s right, my skull cap.
No looking for it. The glove falling led me there. No effort on my part. That was cool. More cool though was having awareness of that. That made me smile.
The second thing happened ten minutes later.
I keep a journal. Sometimes I include things like that skull cap event in there. I also write about bigger things that happen. I track my weight, walks and mindfulness minutes too through my “health/activity” app.
That app also tracks cycling. It connects to another app I use that records rides and runs. But I didn’t know how to connect the two apps.
Instead of trying to figure it out, I did the same thing I did with the skull cap. I asked the question, then let it go. A bit later and ready for the grocery errand, I opened the bike app. By “accident” I hit some feature. I don’t know what it was, but it brought up a screen I hadn’t seen before.
My Inner Being said “look at the screen”. So I did.
It had two features that were disabled. I enabled them. Presto! My two apps were connected.
I just tried finding that riding app screen real quick, but I don’t see it. It doesn’t matter though because the two apps are now connected. Easy peasy!
That’s how life is. Easy peasy. It’s supposed to be that way. Little magical events like these make it so. Being Positively Focused, I see these events happening near constantly. Which they are. But I miss them if I’m not Positively Focused. And so, for me, life is exactly as it’s supposed to be. Fun!
How Others Happily Do What I Want
It’s easy to get people to do what I want. Being Positively Focused is the key.
These two stories show what I mean.
I have a friend I’ll call Jeff. Lately he’s been involved with a guy he’s head-over-heels for. So he spends nearly all his free time with that guy.
One day I sent Jeff a text inviting him over. He texted back saying he was pretty busy and offered the following week. That never happened.
Two weeks later I was riding my bike to get groceries. On my way I thought about Jeff. Then, I thought how great it would be to see a super hero movie. It had been a while since I saw one.
A day after buying my groceries, I realized I “accidentally” left at the register a bag of mixed nuts I bought. I called the store. They said the checker remembered me and invited me to come get a replacement. I told them I’d head that way, weather depending.
I was enjoying creating art for my projects that morning. I really didn’t want to go. But then I got a strong impulse to go. I try to immediately respond to strong impulses.
So I checked the weather. No rain until afternoon. I jumped on my bike and headed over.
On my way, I rode past Jeff’s home. His door upstairs was open, which I thought was strange because his car wasn’t there.
Then, guess who comes around the corner in his car. It’s Jeff! We greet and hug. He tells me he just broke up with his boyfriend. I told Jeff that was perfect because now he can hang out with me.
He laughed and said, “and yeah, maybe we can go see a movie too. I hear that new Joker is really great. We should go this Sunday!”
See the connection? Just the other day I thought how cool it would be to see another comic book movie and here Jeff is suggesting we go to one. And, since “accidentally” forgot some nuts, I was able to connect with him in perfect timing, in person! How cool is that?
· · ·
I’m learning to interpret impulses I get as open doors. I don’t have to walk through. When I do, though, life delivers all kinds of surprises.
The week comes to an end. I haven’t been thinking about Jeff, or the movie he suggested we go see. But on Friday I heard a movie review. The movie stars Brad Pitt. It’s called Ad Astra. It sounded good.
I thought about Jeff and our Sunday plans. Then I thought, “I’d rather see Ad Astra than Joker.”
Sunday morning comes. I wake to wonderful dreams, enjoy a deep meditation and do a dream analysis. Then I prepare for my day using my Positively Focused framework.
I need next week’s groceries, so I check the weather. There’s a 90-minute rain-free window that comes…and goes.
I miss it.
So I put on my rain gear, take out my bike and head to get next week’s groceries.
Now, I know I’m in in tune with the Universe because of what happens in my moment-by-moment life experience. When I’m in tune, the weather cooperates. People are friendly and generous.
Just before I head out, the rain stops. When I get to the store, I meet all kinds of friendly people. I have great conversations with other customers. Store employees are helpful and conversant. Pleasant too.
I know I’m in a great Positively Focused place. So it was no surprise what happened next.
I get a text message. It’s from Jeff. It says: “what do you think about seeing Ad Astra?”
Of course the story doesn’t end there. We ended up going to the movie and having a great time.
· · ·
This next experience came six months later. The more I’m Positively Focused the gap between one seemingly magical event and the next narrows. These days, magical things happen near-constantly. Only it’s not magic. The universe want’s all of us to have what we want.
The more I tune into universal frequencies, the more things I want happen with no effort. Including people acting in ways I’d prefer.
I’ve said in previous posts I ride my bike to and from work. I like riding my bike, even in cold weather. It’s a great workout. The trip takes about 30 minutes.
But it’s late fall, early winter. It’s getting really cold and rainy. I have the right riding equipment. So I’m comfortable, but one day I wondered about how it would be when temperatures dip below freezing.
One night at the end of my shift, I had a thought. It said “Diane is going to offer to drive me home tonight.” Diane is another delivery driver.
When she drives home each night, she drives right by my house. I’ve never asked her for a ride because I like riding my bike. But this night, I had this thought.
When I got this thought, I let it sit there. I didn’t think about it any more than it was: a passing thought. But I imagined how nice it would be riding home in a warm car…
I clocked out. Then Diane came in. She clocked out, turned to me and said “let me take you home tonight. I’m worried about you riding home in the dark, at night, in the rain.”
I wasn’t surprised. I knew this was going to happen. When it happened, that’s what it felt like. That it was going to happen.
The next several weeks rain fell heavy. Winds blew hard and it was really cold. It’s like Diane knew the future.
Not only did Diane offer to drive me home. When we got to my house, she offered to pick me up the next day too.
Every day since then, we’ve been carpooling to and from work. I didn’t have to ask. It just happened.
I’m starting to interpret some thoughts as precognition. My Inner Being told me it was going to happen. Then it happened.
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A manifestation, no matter how amazing, always contains seeds for the next manifestation. Life is always getting better for a Positively Focused person. So even when something really cool happens, life says “hold my beer” and tops it. What happens next demonstrates that.
I was enjoying riding to and from work with Diane. We became friends. But Diane has a story about money related to her family. Right now she’s the main bread winner as her husband is in school learning to become a teacher. Diane believes she must maximize her income as the bread winner.
What that means is, every evening, Diane would hang out at the van lot, or at the station and stretch out her shift to earn extra hourly time. I didn’t like that very much. I preferred to get home asap so I can write blogs like this one, draw or do other things.
While I didn’t like what was happening I didn’t try doing anything about it. I didn’t talk to Diane about it. I didn’t complain. Instead I considered the positives: being driven home. Not biking in the cold rain…
Honestly, though, there were times when I complained to myself a little. Sometimes I debated whether or not I should go back to riding my bike. I thought how nice it used to be getting home before 9 p.m.
Commuting by car was nice too though.
Then one morning when Diane picked me up, she said she needed to finish right when our shift ended. She said she planned to take her daughter out for her birthday. We finished right on time that night and got home early.
That felt nice.
The next day I asked her how the birthday event was. Then I said “it was nice to get home early. Wasn’t it?”
She agreed.
Then, the following day, Diane told me that her husband asked why was she was coming home so late all the time. He reminded her they were doing fine financially. There was no reason, he said, for her to work extra time each shift.
It’s interesting how that conversation happened. I had nothing to do with it. And yet at the same time, I knew my Inner Being’s hands (if it had hands) were all over this.
So when Diane told me what her husband said, I just said very casually how nice it would feel to come home early every night.
From that day forward, we always left no later than 15 minutes after our shift. That was nice! Because of that, I got home 15 minutes earlier than had I took my bike.
I can tell Diane likes coming home early. I’m sure her husband does too.
Both these stories show how intending rather than trying to control people creates my reality. The more Positively Focused I get, the more life just starts working this way. Things happen literally with no effort on my part.
And the fact that I recognize it when it happens delights the Universe. And that makes the Universe want to deliver more such experiences. That’s the upward spiral I referred to in earlier posts. The better it gets, the better it gets.
It’s easy to get people to do what you want. The key is lining up with the leverage of the Universe. I do that by being Positively Focused.
When I’m Positively Focused, the Universe does all the work. Things I want come easily. Often they come through other people. When it happens this way, the people are more than willing to do what I want because doing it is in their best interest too.
And that’s the easiest way to have other people do what you want: let the Universe make it happen for you.
How The Universe Expands
***LET’S FINE TUNE THIS: I wrote “kind of like” a reward. Life has no “rewards”. That word implies someone is there watching and approving or disapproving what choices I make. That’s not what’s happening. No one judges what I do or don’t do. Manifestation of my ideal reality is part of the natural expansion of which I’m playing a part. A central part. I’m the chooser free to choose whatever I wish to experience.
How I Curate Life Through My Music Playlist
Music is powerful. It can literally shape life experience. So I’m careful about what songs I listen to these days. Here’s why.
One day last fall started as usual: in high spirits. The day itself was glorious – clear blue sky, leaves changing with the season and mild but comfortable temperatures. It was a great day to be working outside.
I was happy. Adding to my delight was my music playlist. It’s a collection of about two thousand songs gathered over many years. So it’s a nice, eclectic mix.
But then it happened. I don’t know how, at first. There I was, happy, enjoying my day. So why was I suddenly feeling sorry for myself, cranky and in a bad mood?
I’m almost always positive these days.
But in this moment I felt so negative, I even questioned whether I create my reality!
Srsly? 😕
My clients have this experience too sometimes. One minute they’ll be positively focused. Then, seemingly for no reason, they’re sad.
But how could this negative emotion blindside me?
That was the wrong question.
What I should have asked was, how did I miss early stage indicators that I had diverged from my Broader Perspective?
I know I can never completely disconnect from my Broader Perspective. But it is possible to think thoughts inconsistent with what my Broader Perspective knows. When that happens I feel negative emotion. I know that’s the only reason negative emotions happen.
Negative emotion tells me I’ve parted perspectives. I’m no longer seeing life through my Broader Knowing.
When I see life the way my Broader Perspective does, I feel great.
When I feel negative emotion, I’m pretty good at catching it. When I do, I either relax and chill, or change my thoughts.
As I said, I’ve gotten really good at that. That’s why I feel ecstasy or near-ecstasy most of the time. Because of that, happy things happen in my life. I write about these in this blog.
Since I know what emotions are for, I know that if I miss an early indicator, my negative mood will worsen…until life smacks me upside the head with a physical manifestation matching that mood.
I don’t like it when things get that far.
So I usually catch bad moods early. Usually very early, like on their first indication.
So how did this negative mood get so far?
Before I go into what what happened next, some non-physical background might be helpful…
The Mechanics of Manifestation
I know this manifestation business is real. I know I create my reality. A ton of evidence has blown away any doubt. I also know manifestations are immediate.
Now I don’t blame people who don’t believe all this manifestation business. I wouldn’t believe it either if I didn’t know how to see the evidence.
Thankfully I know how to see the evidence. And, I understand why it seems manifestations take so long or never happen at all. One reason “it doesn’t work” or takes a long time has to do with resistance.
Unlike non-physical or Inner Reality, Physical Reality comes with a lot of resistance or friction. It’s as real as the nose on my face.
Engineers design physical objects with this friction or resistance in mind. That’s why high performance cars and airplanes and boats look how they look. That’s why tires wear out. It’s why rockets look really streamlined…instead of looking like bricks.
Just as cars and airplanes and boats need an initial push to overcome resistance and another force, what physicists call “inertia”, it takes persistence and focused attention to change my immediate now, especially a now I may not want, into a preferred now.
Focused attention is just like a push. The more pure the focus, the stronger the push.
But, unlike cars and airplanes and rockets too, it doesn’t take a lot of focused energy to get reality moving in a different direction. To build momentum a reality creator only needs thoughts with no contradictory energy.
And so, as I started telling new stories about how I felt, I knew my reality started changing at once. It took several deliberate hours for a complete and permanent shift from my negative now to the positive now I wanted. But an early indication that change was on the way was how much better I felt telling the new, improved stories.
Now, you may be saying “several hours? You said it was immediate!”
It is immediate. But full-blown manifestational change must come through physical reality’s inherent resistance. Movement from initial signs to full-blown manifestation is therefore gradual.
Still, compare a few hours to the years or decades a person might invest trying to shake off “negative” emotions such anxiety, depression, chronic fear or even simple pessimism.
These negative states are hard to shake because the person waited too long to turn them around. Know how to see early manifestational evidence of negative situations and any chronic negative trajectory can easily be reversed.
Any reversal must happen before too much momentum gets going. Otherwise it can take a long time. It can take an entire life time. It might never change.
A rocket sits on the launch pad. You “light the fires and kick the tires”. If you abort the launch sequence soon enough stopping the rocket is easy.
But if you wait until the rocket has launched and gained altitude and momentum….well, you’re not going to stop that rocket easily.
The same is true for any negative manifestation.
I caught my “rocket” on the launch pad so that sour mood didn’t get any momentum. A few hours was nothing. And it was time well spent. Here’s why.
My Past Is Now And Vice Versa
As those hours ticked by, I saw more and more evidence the process was working. That awareness built on itself, creating its own momentum. And as that momentum strengthened, something happened I wasn’t expecting.
I felt/got/heard/saw a message from non-physical. It was communication from Broader Perspective. It said a song in my playlist, one that played several hours ago, triggered an old belief constellation. It said I formed that belief constellation in the past in response to an experience I had that I interpreted (way back then) as negative.
Back then, that song was popular. It played on the radio a lot. I liked that song so much I put it in my collection. I played it often. Even during that negative experience. In doing so, I forged an association in my belief constellation between the song and the experience I interpreted as negative.
So the song, playing that day on my route in the present, triggered a belief constellation I formed in that past experience. A constellation I hadn’t activated since, until I heard that song!
Beliefs in that constellation are so divergent from how my Broader Perspective interpreted that past experience it caused me to diverge from my Broader Perspective in the present. That’s why I felt bad!
When the message ended, I was puzzled. Driving my van, I remembered the song in question. It was vague in my mind, you know? Like when a word is there, but not there in your head, and you say “it’s on the tip of my tongue”. But you can’t say the actual word, even though it’s there?
That’s how the song was. Right there, but not right there. I couldn’t get the title or lyrics in my head. But I knew which song my Broader Perspective meant.
Why do you think I couldn’t put my finger on it?
It’s because my creation process worked! I shifted my “now” so completely, I couldn’t put my finger on it, because the frequency of the song and the frequency of my improved mood were too different.
Trippy, right?
And here’s the thing: That’s evidence!
My increasingly positive frequency was so different from those past stories, only their “ghosts” remained…On the tip of my brain, but inexpressible.
Then I realized something amazing. You see, were it not for hearing that song, were it not for listening to that playlist, were it not for the negative emotion triggered by all that, I wouldn’t have done what I did in response.
And, I wouldn’t have had the awesome experience of tuning into my Broader Consciousness’ message. A message that came through all my senses. A message that surprised and delighted me, yes. But also a message confirming the existence of my Broader Perspective! 
That’s how consistent positive focus creates extraordinary experience. And evidence this manifestation business is real.
While I did not remember the song’s title or lyrics, I still felt its “ghosts”. That tells me beliefs and experiences associated with that song are still present in me. But they are losing their momentum in light of my now-focus.
Receiving direct, clear, unmistakable communication from the non-physical realm tells me everything I’m doing is real. That it’s not mumbo jumbo or New Age bullshit. And this is why personal experience is so convincing.
It’s one thing for you to read about this experience in a blog. It’s a whole other thing when it happens to you!
Here’s something else I learned: Music is powerful. Its repetitiousness builds momentum. When I repeat lyrics to myself, sing-along out loud, or listen to songs over and over, I amplify that song’s frequency in my “signal mix”.
It behooves me then to pay attention to what types of music I’m listening to, doesn’t it? And choose only music supporting positive perspectives.
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The rest of that day I played with my learning. I listened to my playlist. Every time a song came on, I felt for its frequency. How did I feel when I listened? Did it close the gap between me? Or widen it? If I felt a song triggered even the slightest negative effect, I skipped it.
Songs are stories. They’re stories a talented storyteller tells. It’s a new perspective for me, seeing songs this way. There are a lot of songs out there telling not-so-positive stories.
Curating my music helps cultivate a high frequency mix. I keep it high by weeding out songs that don’t resonate.
So what are you listening to? Is your playlist filed with songs about lost love, broken hearts, angry black men, “Fuck Da Police”, “pussy” and “bitches”? Not judging genres. I know, for example, that my frequency response to certain songs depends on my relationship to those songs. Rap, for example, can be uplifting.
It’s easy to let others’ beliefs and stories shape our mood and therefore our reality. Songs are a powerful way other people’s stories do that.
Thanks to my Broader Perspective, I now know my daily life is curated by, among other things, songs I listen to. Going forward I’m choosing my playlist more wisely.