Soul Mates Who Cause Us Pain Are The Best Teachers

Positively Focused questions and answers

I’ve added yet another running series “Q/A” to my blog. Here I answer questions I get through the internets. I share them here with you as they may help feel inspired to be more Positively Focused.

Someone asked: Why do we have soul contracts with people that will eventually end up hurting us, killing us, or destroying our mental health?

Answer: First, they aren’t really “contracts”…

Connections we have with others represent the energy stream that we are. It seems we are individuals living in separate bodies, but beneath that interpretation, which feels so, and is very real….beneath that lies the actual phenomena of All That Is: a stream of awareized energy that we all are, divided into categories or families, if you will, subdivided into yet more categories, organized according to “harmonics”…vibratory patterns of awareized energy distinguished and organized around timeless “core values” or “intents”.

These “soul contracts” as you describe them are such organizations. They aren’t hard and fast “pacts” like a compact, rather they are resonance patterns or harmonics that can be felt. That’s why they feel like “contracts”: inescapable, irresistible.

Ok, that’s the pretty theory. Now for the practical answer…that you might not enjoy reading. 😊

It’s all about more and better

No one hurts, kills or destroys us mentally or otherwise. That’s our doing. Each being with whom we have significant contact exists within us as an inseparable aspect of that unique organization stream I mentioned above, rising and falling in harmony with our own core intents.

They serve an extremely valuable purpose in our lives. They help us shape ourselves into our ideal self. That image we know ourselves to be in nonphysical, that we wish to express in physical through our core intents. This ultimately leads to our Charmed Life.

Ideally, these relationships focus us inward. There we find our invincibility and unconditional love…for ourselves, for others and for circumstances. In that love we find our stability from which we pursue and realize our wildest desires as deliberate creators, our Charmed Life, in other words. In realizing our desires, we transform physical reality in ways we knew we would before we choose to come here.

However…in many cases, such as the ones you describe with “eventually end up hurting us, killing us, or destroying our mental health”, instead of finding freedom, joy and unconditional love, we focus on aspects of these partners that seem to drive us crazy. In doing that, we create increasingly amplified versions of those things, react to them and in our reactions, amplify those things even more. In that way we create a downward spiral of increasingly negative created reality conditions.

The fury, the exasperation, the anguish, and, yes, the circumstances that end up looking like “hurting us, killing us, or destroying our mental health” are actually OUR creation. They are what happens when we don’t use those relationships they way they are meant: as catalyzers for inner exploration and awakening.

A personal example will help

For example, my ex wife was such a person. She was horrible in many ways and an angel in others. It took great effort to take my attention from what I perceived she was doing “to me” and put it on my inner reality. I knew finding within myself the unconditional love I wanted was key. Neither she, nor anyone else could give me that.

Standing there, in that unconditional love, I could allow her to be as she chose to be…even when she slept with other men. Even when she and her friends railed against me. Even when she filed for divorce.

Everything she did was positive. It all served a positive purpose for me. Getting the positive aspects in those situations required cultivating an unconditional, stable love for her and for myself. I know I succeeded because, as I wrote above, I found my resonance with my eternity, my invincibility, my Inner Being awareness and thus my enlightenment.

I remember one night, not long before the divorce was final, where she and I stood in her living room on the verge of actual physical violence. That’s how out of balance we both were. It never came to real blows, but it certainly could have.

We co-create enlightenment

The point of all this is, no one does anything to us, we do it to ourselves through the interpretations we make about what we observe and the reality borne from them. Most people don’t know that so their interpretations go unexamined.

Instead of owning their created realities, including outcomes of hurt, death and diminished mental health, and doing something productive about that, they blame their partner, soul mate, “twin flame” or whatever. When all the while that other person had the potential of being a catalyst for enlightenment.

We each create our realities. No one does that for us. But some people help facilitate our creative abilities, if we are responsible enough to accept the catalyzing stimulus flowing from the awareized energy stream that is at once us and our “soul mates”.

Happiness Is Getting What I Want

Photo by Joanna Kosinska on Unsplash

I know what I want, when I get it, makes me happy. I also know when I’m happy I set up more future happy moments. 

But since every time I get what I want, I am happy, I can just be happy, even when I’m not getting what I want.

I can be happy now, no matter what is happening.

This is the basis of our work at Positively Focused. I know when I put my happiness first, by telling stories about my life that make me happy, I put myself on a path to living a happy life. That’s because a happy life looks like feeling happy in every moment.

What happens in my life, when I’m not deliberate about choosing happiness, determines how I feel. But life doesn’t have to be that way. I can turn it around. I can choose to be happy, no matter what I’m experiencing, then experience good things always.

I know when I do that my life fills with happy experiences. I know this because I’ve tried it and it has always worked out that way. I also know this because my Positively Focused clients get exactly the same results.

It’s a bit more complicated than that, but in a short while, I’ve created a life filled with happy experiences. So have my clients.

So this holiday season, I appreciate what I’ve realized: That life is happy when I am happy. And the happier I am, the more my life shapes to my happiness. In my happiness, I don’t need my life to change. But because I’m not focused on my life needing to change, because I’m not telling stories about how bad my life is, my life changes.

It’s a paradox, but it’s true.

I’m grateful for what I’ve discovered. And I’m loving seeing people who have come to me seeking relief from anxiety, insecurities, shame and other life problems, find relief and more, simply by telling better stories.

I appreciate knowing life is supposed to be fun, joyful and filled with fulfilled desires. I appreciating having such a life. And I appreciate sharing what I know with others, then seeing their life turn out that way too.

It’s the epitome of living.

Living Proof Of Universal Blessedness

Photo by James Coleman on Unsplash

An editor working with me on an anthology essay I wrote wanted a better headline. The original didn’t pop, she said.

Knowing what I know, I set my intention so Universe would do the work. In some life areas though, old habits are just that: moments later, I scribbled several ideas on my note app, trying to coax Universe into giving me some ideas:

Essay Titles I created while “efforting”. Ugh they suck!

That’s the hard way. And it felt hard. So I wrote back to my editor. I told her I’d get back to her. Take some time, She wrote back.

Days later, I Pre-Paved a future probable reality wherein I’d receive what I asked for: a wonderful headline, one my editor would love. One that would pop.

A couple days after that, I re-read my essay. It’s so good. It’s a true story about an adventure a Transamorous Network client and I experienced. While reading it “Life IS Joy” popped out of the essay. I sent that to my editor, even though I didn’t like it all that much.

My feeble attempt. 😂

That not liking all that much was a clue…

My editor didn’t like it either. She suggested something catchier, something with a play on words:

Not so good response…

Nothing came up when I focused, so I just let go. I figured my Personal Trinity would bring me a perfect headline.

That’s what happened

Last night I watched a favorite James Bond movie for the umpteenth time. A Quantum of Solace it’s called. I enjoyed watching it. I enjoy the luxury Bond enjoys surrounding himself in. People in the movie are pleasant to watch too. 😊

Then I went to bed, blissful in positive focus.

The next morning (the day I’m writing this), the phrase “A Universal Solace” came to mind. My immediate reaction was: hey that’s kinda good. Then I poo-pooed it as too obvious a play on “Quantum of Solace”.

But then I thought “wait a minute! This is what I asked for!”

Tentatively, I looked up the word “Solace”. It perfectly fit what happens in the essay. My Personal Trinity scored a direct hit!

I sent it to my editor. Here’s what she said.

Booyaaah!

I created a future probable reality, then let my Personal Trinity handle the rest. I noticed how hard it was trying to do what I wanted through action alone. I trusted my feelings instead. Look what happened!

What happened next: even better

Weeks ago I got an impulse that my essay could become a full-length book and/or a movie. I wanted to send my editor a note about that, but held off.

After getting her email above, I sent her two more emails, one replying to her acknowledging the new headline:

and another offering to work together on more projects:

Here’s what she wrote back:

Universe stands ready to do the work for you.

I marvel at this because I love writing. I always have. I love telling stories through various ways; through illustrations, film/video, through speeches and presentations and of course through words.

My life as a story is worthy of being told. And here is my editor urging me in this direction, just as an angel of the Universe would.

This path unfolding before me, filled with so much of what I’m wanting, feels ecstatic. All of it is unfolding aligned with talents and passions I already have, not something I learned in school, but something inherently me.

It’s all coming from my inner knowing, tied to my authentic self. I tell my clients their authenticity is from where their prosperity and joy emerges. My life offers living proof. Universe loves me.

It loves you too.

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