TL;DR: A client transforms resentment into realization by reframing his divorce as a divine co-creation—proof that even painful relationships serve our expansion and reveal our innate worthiness.
When I say every relationship is a co-creation, I mean that quite literally. Each of us, in every moment, is attracting into our experience people, events, and circumstances that perfectly match the dominant vibrations we’re offering. Sometimes those vibrations come from our desires. Sometimes they come from our fears. Most often, they’re a mix of both.
That’s why relationships are so powerful. They give us a living mirror of our inner world. And if we’re willing to look honestly, they offer the raw material for lasting transformation.
This is the story of my client Ken, and how he turned a painful divorce into one of the most profound realizations of his worthiness—and why the woman he once thought had wrecked his life was, in truth, an angel in disguise.
When Ken first came to me, he was in a loving long-term relationship. On the surface, everything was working. But occasionally, his partner would do something that triggered a disproportionate reaction in him—fear, insecurity, even emotional panic.
Over time, it became clear that these weren’t responses to his current partner. They were echoes from a past marriage—an unresolved energetic momentum that had followed him into his new relationship.
This is where the Positively Focused framework really shines. In our work together, we traced the emotional charge back to his previous marriage with Christy, a relationship that ended with bitterness, confusion, and a $1 million divorce settlement Ken never wanted to pay.
The Righteous Indignation That Refused to Die
Ken carried enormous resentment toward Christy. He saw her as someone who pretended to be something she wasn’t—someone who, once injured and unable to work, became a financial and emotional burden. But as we dug deeper, it became clear this resentment wasn’t about Christy. It was about Ken’s story about Christy.
Christy, too, had her own story. A childhood filled with chaos and conditional love had planted deep seeds of unworthiness. Her back injury wasn’t a manipulation—it was the culmination of momentum she had been building for years. And her refusal (or inability) to work wasn’t laziness—it was an unconscious reflection of a belief she wasn’t worthy of the life she desired.
Christy’s beliefs, born of her upbringing, shaped her perspectives on self, marriage and more.
Ken didn’t know that at the time. He just knew he was stuck in a marriage that didn’t feel fair. But he stayed, because deep down, he was carrying a belief of his own: that this was the best he could get. He didn’t believe he could find a better partner. That belief is what made him a vibrational match to Christy in the first place.
The Invitation to Reframe the Past
In our sessions, I asked Ken to do something radical: list every negative belief he held about Christy and their marriage. It took him weeks. The pain of reliving those moments was strong. The momentum of righteous indignation was thick.
But finally, he brought in a list — and together, we softened the statements. We found new ways to see old events. “Christy never wanted to work” became “Christy was in too much pain to work.” Small shifts like these began to loosen his grip on the story he’d been telling himself for years.
Eventually, Ken could see that the real issue wasn’t Christy’s betrayal. It was his inability to recognize his own worth. He had ignored countless signals to leave the marriage because of his scarcity mindset. He didn’t believe another woman would love him. That fear is what kept him in the marriage far longer than his Inner Being wanted to stay.
What Ken saw next blew the whole story wide open: Christy wasn’t the villain. She was the angel who helped him see how much he had been ignoring his own worthiness.
She had played the perfect counterpart to his vibration. She reflected back every bit of doubt, every old belief, every trace of self-deprecation he still carried.
And once he got that — once he saw the co-creative nature of their marriage — he could feel the weight begin to lift. He stopped seeing her as the one who took a million dollars and started seeing her as the one who gave him a priceless gift: self-awareness.
Gradually, Ken began to see Christy as the one who gave him the gift of self-awareness.
The Real Purpose of Physical Reality
This is what we do in the Positively Focused practice. We don’t just help people manifest shiny outcomes—though those do happen. We help them discover the deeper purpose of physical reality: to show us, in exquisite, visceral detail, what our current vibrational output is… so we can tune it.
Life isn’t happening to us. It’s happening through us. And the more we embrace that, the more we step into our own divine nature.
We are, each of us, gods in human form—expanding across infinite dimensions, through every interaction, every heartache, and every breakthrough.
Christy, from this perspective, was no mistake. She was a perfectly tuned expression of Ken’s dominant story—until he was ready to write a better one. And when he did, the results were immediate. His current partner—loving, balanced, and joyful—began reflecting that new story back to him.
There’s Nothing Better Than Watching Yourself Get Better
That’s the magic of this work. You don’t have to wait for the world to change. You just change your story, and the world—your world—will reflect that shift.
Ken didn’t need to “heal” from his past. He just needed to understand it.
And once he did, he could finally let go of the resentment, the blame, and the illusion that he had been a victim. He had never been a victim. He had always been a powerful creator… learning, growing, and becoming the god he already is.
This is why I love the Positively Focused practice. It’s not about fixing broken people. It’s about helping powerful beings remember who they are. There’s nothing better than that.
And when that remembering happens? It feels delicious.
TL;DR: The author shares how a client’s emotional spiral after a brief romantic encounter revealed limiting beliefs. Through the Positively Focused process, he transformed the moment into a stepping stone toward true relationship alignment.
The Universe never makes mistakes. And yet, when things don’t go the way we think they should—especially in love—it’s easy to believe it did. That’s what happened to Dale, a dear client of mine, in an encounter that was as divinely orchestrated as any I’ve seen. Only he couldn’t see it. Not at first.
It started innocently enough. Dale was running errands at Walmart with his ex-wife, Athena. They had just come back from a gig and gone into the store separately. As Dale strolled through one of the aisles, he noticed a woman. Something about her shirt caught his attention—it had a Wiccan vibe, something Dale had explored in his past. They struck up a conversation. And just like that, a spark ignited. Not fireworks, but something even more powerful: resonance.
This wasn’t the kind of attraction born of physical lust or surface chatter. Dale and this woman began talking about life philosophies, spiritual perspectives, the big stuff. She even complimented Athena, not knowing the relationship. That felt meaningful to Dale. And then she asked for his number. Later that evening, she followed up with a text: “Do you like sushi?” And another: “How about Lady Gaga?”
Dale responded honestly. Sushi wasn’t his thing, and as for Lady Gaga, he didn’t think about her much—although he had appreciated her acting once. Still, the topics rubbed him the wrong way. He’d hoped their conversation would stay in that soulful, philosophical space. To him, these light questions felt like a departure, even a regression.
And then it happened.
Every manifestation carries contrast
A few days later, Dale ran into her again—this time at Safeway. He lit up at the coincidence, but her energy was different. Guarded. She told him she was working and quickly disengaged.
That was it.
That moment—the turn—triggered Dale hard. He plummeted into intense negative momentum. All-or-nothing thinking kicked in. “This is why I can’t trust people.” “This is why relationships don’t work.” “Why did she even ask for my number?” The mental spiral was swift and brutal.
And this is where the real value of the session began.
What Dale couldn’t yet see was that this was no failed encounter. This was a perfect co-creation, lovingly engineered by the Universe to show him something essential. He had, in fact, manifested precisely what he’d been asking for—a spontaneous connection with someone who met him at a high vibrational level. He’d been high-vibing on the subject of relationships for some time, and this woman appeared right on cue. It was a sign that his signal was working.
But every manifestation carries contrast. That’s how we grow.
This woman, without intending to, revealed Dale’s unresolved momentum around women, courtesy, rejection, and unspoken expectations. His judgments—about her makeup, her food choices, her pop culture interests—weren’t really about her. They were mirrors, reflecting beliefs he still carried: that people owe him politeness, that being ghosted is betrayal, that women who express themselves a certain way are immature or unworthy.
These beliefs had to come to the surface. Not to punish him, but to be soothed.
Dale stood at a crossroads about what he was manifesting….what happened next was important.
Tell a better-feeling story
Because here’s the truth: you cannot attract the relationship you want until you become a match to it. The Universe will keep sending stepping stones—beautiful, complex, sometimes painful interactions—that shine light on your inner vibration. If you meet these moments with curiosity, you’ll elevate. If you double down on your negative stories, you’ll stall.
And Dale stalled hard.
He went into a kind of emotional lockdown. “Maybe I’m not cut out for relationships,” he said at one point. “Maybe I should just stop trying.”
He wasn’t joking. The pain had twisted his thinking so tightly that one uncomfortable rendezvous made him question everything. But that, too, was perfect. Because it made the negative beliefs undeniable. And once something is seen clearly, it can be soothed.
I gently helped him unpack it. I reminded him: the Universe doesn’t respond to what’s “true”—it responds to belief. Every experience you have is confirmation, not contradiction. That’s why it’s so important to notice your judgments and soothe them—not suppress them, but transmute them. You do that by telling a better-feeling story.
In Dale’s case, the better-feeling story went something like this:
“Wow. Look at that! I manifested a woman out of nowhere who shared my values—at least at first glance—and asked for my number. She followed up. That was confirmation that my signal is active. Then, in the next phase, she brought up things that rubbed me the wrong way… but even that was helpful. She helped me see what beliefs I still carry that aren’t a match to the relationship I ultimately want. She wasn’t a mistake—she was a message.”
Attract by becoming
From that frame, Dale could start to feel empowered again. Not because she “should’ve” behaved differently, but because she behaved exactly as she needed to—so he could calibrate his vibration.
She was doing the same thing Dale was doing: looking for resonance. And when she sensed it wasn’t a match, she gracefully backed away. She was choosing herself. That wasn’t ghosting. That was clarity.
This is the power of contrast when met with consciousness. This is the beauty of vibrational refinement. You don’t attract what you want by demanding it from others. You attract it by becoming it. And you become it by soothing the parts of you that aren’t aligned.
The next time someone triggers us, let’s ask: “What is this showing me about me?” The answer might sting at first, but it’s the key to becoming a match to what we want. Dale’s encounter wasn’t a failure. It was a perfect stepping stone. And now he’s closer than ever.
Because the real relationship he’s cultivating… is with himself.
TL;DR: This reflective post explores a real-life interaction highlighting the limits of “healing” narratives. It illustrates how emotional contrast serves expansion through vibrational clarity, not trauma recovery.
There’s a common belief in many spiritual and New Age communities that emotional wounds must be healed, processed, and purged before one can move forward. The language of trauma, shadow work, and inner child healing often dominates these spaces. And while those interpretations can offer temporary comfort or a sense of meaning, from a Positively Focused perspective, none of them are necessary. In fact, they often reinforce the very frequency that keeps people locked in painful cycles.
This is the story of “Kellie”—a woman I met synchronistically—and how her journey with me became a living example of the difference between those two worldviews.
The Meeting: A Manifestation
We met at Gigi’s, a charming breakfast spot. I had gone there with the intention of having a joyful experience, maybe even meeting someone stimulating.
That’s exactly what happened. Kellie appeared as a delightful new acquaintance. We sparked a conversation rooted in spiritual curiosity. She shared her journey: a former software engineer with time spent in well-known software engineering corporations, now in a transitional space after escaping both high-tech burnout and a controlling Christian cult. Kellie was recalibrating her life.
She shared that she was deeply spiritual—into lucid dreaming, astrology, and alternate timeline work. We began spending time together casually, often sharing perspectives on spiritual topics. From the start, I recognized her as a manifestation. That’s why I never felt resistance to our dynamic. But I also never mistook her for a client. So I didn’t share the full depth of being Positively Focused.
Over time, however, I noticed a pattern. On at least three occasions, Kellie had intense negative emotional experience while in my presence. Something would trigger her—a memory, a comment, or even an impulse—and she would spiral. Each time, our conversation had to end because she was inconsolable.
Still, I stayed open. I saw her emotional responses not as problems, but as data. Kellie was calibrating. Just not consciously.
Better timelines?
Then, during one of our coffee shop conversations, she brought up her ability to perceive timelines. She always spoke of them as dark or painful, especially those involving her mother.
So I asked a simple, high-vibration question: If you can perceive other timelines, why are the ones you access always negative? What if there are joyful timelines you could feel into? Ones where your mother loved you well, or where your tech career was fulfilling?
That question opened the door.
Later, Sarah texted me, thanking me for what I shared. She said it helped her remember that she could access positive timelines too. That she was on a grand adventure.
I responded, offering a broader perspective: that nothing comes “unbidden”, that her Belief Momentum instead was drawing specific versions of reality to her, and that cleaning up those beliefs would align her with timelines she prefers. I even gently suggested her distrust of corporations might be limiting her.
I added that her beliefs about being “banned” from ChatGPT (which she had shared with me) might also be evidence of her vibrational focus. Maybe her beliefs about malevolent systems were recreating experiences that seemed like censorship or exclusion I told her.
I offered this not as critique, but as a mirror. From a high vibration. She had asked for my insight after all. So I gave it.
The Reaction
Days later, she wrote back, saying my message hit like a “gut punch”. It exposed a “gaping wound” Kellie said. She thanked me, but also said she needed several days to recover. She interpreted what I said as harsh, even though she acknowledged it came from love.
She said she was still processing and needed compassion. That she felt blocked from experiencing more positive timelines, and maybe that blockage was necessary for her growth. Kellie even said the more Positively Focused timelines were “blocked” by design.
Recognizing Kellie wasn’t in a good place, I offered what I knew before hand, but didn’t heed, that the accuracy of my client framework can be hard to hear if the listener doesn’t have some context to receive it in:
Then I sought clarification. Some of what she said perplexed me:
Kellie responded saying she felt attacked. Then corrected herself: she now saw that wasn’t true. Still, she said, she didn’t want to pursue the conversation further.
From the Positively Focused Perspective
This exchange clarified something I already knew: what I offer is sacred. And it’s best offered within the container of client relationships. Because unless someone has done some calibrating, the perspective I bring can feel destabilizing.
Kellie’s response reflects a common misunderstanding: the belief that there are emotional “wounds” which must be “healed”. That someone else can “expose” those wounds. That life happens to us, and we must recover from it. But from a Positively Focused perspective, there are no “wounds”. There is only vibrational momentum.
What feels like a wound is just the contrast between a deeply practiced belief and the perspective of our Inner Being. The bigger the contrast between those two, the more it hurts. But that pain isn’t an indication that something went wrong. It’s evidence that something is readyto change.
What’s more, the idea that we need to “heal” implies something is broken. That something bad happened that we didn’t ask for. It implies that we are victims of circumstance. But that’s never the case.
Everything that happens is an answer to our vibration. And every experience—even the painful ones—are invitations…into greater clarity, alignment, and freedom. That’s why I never use the language of “healing” or “wounding.” Such language disempowers. It locks people into a linear process of “recovery” rather than an expansive, upward spiral, quantum path of calibration.
Kellie wasn’t wounded. She was experiencing the emotional signal of Belief Momentum that no longer serves her. But she can’t hear that.
What She Reflected Back to Me
I’m grateful to Kellie. She reminded me that Positively Focused isn’t for everyone. It requires readiness, willingness and devotion. It definitely demands a certain level of vibrational stability.
Kellie also showed me how easy it is to interpret feedback through the lens of pain. Her belief that I “attacked” her wasn’t about me. It was about how her Belief Momentum filtered my words.
I honor that. But I don’t take it on.
Instead, I use it as a reminder that the practice I offer works best when someone is asking, deliberately and consistently, for what I offer.
After our final exchange, I sent her a message of closure. One rooted in appreciation, clarity, and forward movement. Here it is:
Final Thoughts
Not everyone is a client. And not every spiritual “seeker” is ready to release the “wound/healing” paradigm and become a “finder”. That’s ok. But I’ll continue to offer what I offer: a path of deliberate, joyful calibration, where nothing is broken, nothing went wrong, and everything—yes, even ChatGPT bans and gut punches—is an invitation.
To those ready to live from that knowing, I say: welcome home.
There’s so much joy in the world. There’s so much joy in our lives. And there’s so much joy in us. Tapping into that joy can be exhilarating and leads to a tremendous sense of worthiness. It’s exhilarating and addictive: once someone discovers Positively Focused as a way of being, they hardly ever go back to living they way they did before.
That’s because everyone’s Broader Perspective wants them to embody, live and express that joy. Some, however, aren’t ready for that. Some still must move through disempowering momentum. That’s ok too. I’m happy with the world as it is. And, I’m joyful for those who encounter Positively Focused, then become clients.
It’s so fun being Positively Focused. But it’s even funner when like-minded others join in on that fun.
TL;DR: The author shares about a client, who, seeking love, experiences an effortless manifestation after releasing control. His story proves how trusting the Universe leads to joy, ease, and the unfolding of the Charmed Life.
The most satisfying and delightful, the most joyous way of getting what we want is by letting the Universe take care of the “doing”.
My latest new client recently discovered this. It’s very early in his Positively Focused practice – only his second session. And yet, he, like almost every client, showed himself the power of positive focus.
Whenever a new client starts the practice, they always produce evidence like what you’re about to read. There are two reasons for that. One, what we talk about in-session is exactly how the Universe works. So when clients open themselves to tuning in, the Universe confirms what they heard in-session. It delivers proof as a way of saying “See? It’s accurate.”
Second, the Universe and the client’s Broader Perspective want the client to embrace the practice. Not for the practice’s or for my sake, but because through the practice the person expands into more. So those two – the Universe and the client’s Broader Perspective – will orchestrate unmistakable proof they’re on the right track.
What happened then was meant to happen for these reasons. And, what happened not only showed the client how fun it is to align with All That Is, it gave the client a direct, visceral, delightful experience showing he can create his reality.
Let’s look at what happened.
Manifesting “organically”
This client came through my Transamorous Network offering. I told the story of how that happened in this post. How this client became a client is, itself, a wonderful manifestational argument for letting the Universe handle the doing.
Anyhow, this client came wanting help finding a transgender partner. Unlike other Transamorous Network clients, he already embraces his trans attraction. Like those other clients, however, this client believes finding quality transgender women is near-impossible. He’s tried online dating – to scant success – but he wants better experiences.
I don’t recommend online dating for many reasons. You can read about them here. Instead of online dating, I suggested to my client, that he would enjoy meeting his match “organically”. The client used the word “organically” in place of my phrase, which was “manifest her”.
In talking about “manifesting her”, I painted a scenario. I suggested that, through this practice, he might learn how to listen to his intuition. His intuition might, for example, tell him to go to a convenience store. Should he follow that intuition, when he goes to the store, he’ll run into a trans woman. A trans woman who his Broader Perspective (intuition) knew was there. His Broader Perspective would orchestrate the rendezvous.
And, when he sees her, when he’s dialed into the Positively Focused approach, the perfect words will flow from his mouth. Next thing he knows, I said, he and she will enjoy a date together.
That’s the story I painted. But that’s not what happened. What did happen was no less amazing, however.
Effortless dating
I told the story above in our first session. When the client arrived at the second session, he had a lot to share. He had many updates about his online dating forays, which were hilarious and horrible at the same time. Interspersed with those updates, and almost as an aside, he offered something that alerted my spidey senses.
He attended a work conference two days after we had our first session, he said. The client explained that the conference brings together people at the company he works at that he doesn’t see often or at all. At the conference, he said, he noticed a trans woman. Just like I told him, he found himself going up to this fellow employee and striking up a conversation with the perfect words.
The client described the encounter as “surprising”. He hadn’t expected a trans woman worked in his company, let alone that he would meet her. And while he and this girl didn’t go on a date (she represented a stepping stone on his journey, not the destination) he recognized the divine timing, the connection between what we talked about in our first session and this unfolding.
I asked him, then, directly: Which experience do you prefer, which is more fun: online dating and the perils of that, or meeting your match organically?
Of course, he agreed that the latter is much more fun and much easier. It’s actually effortless.
It’s always more fun meeting someone through manifestation.
The Charmed Life is everyone’s life
This is how everything can happen in our lives. The Universe is constantly delivering what we want to us. It’s happening effortlessly. But when we’re all bunged up in the doing, trying to make it happen our way, then we almost always run counter to the delightful way what we want can happen.
When we allow the Universe to handle the doing, however, life gets really easy. It’s the way I prefer it. I’d argue it’s the way we all prefer it. That is, if we knew it was available to us. A lot of us humans get bogged down in distorted beliefs, however. And so we end up doing “it” like everyone else who’s mired in distorted beliefs are doing it.
We needn’t be copies of those people. When we live differently, we become the beacon drawing others to their own, empowered, enlightened, easy life. The Charmed Life I write about every week.
TL;DR: The author share’s a client’s journey which reveals what happens when people stop resisting and follow the Positively Focused path with precision: They don’t just get external success, but also a felt sense of worthiness and sovereign power.
Sometimes, the most powerful transformations begin not with ease, but with urgency. This is the story of one such transformation that happened with a client this week. Let’s call him Jeff.
Jeff came to the Positively Focused practice carrying the weight of years of self-judgment, buried shame, and suppressed desire. From a very young age, he had internalized an interpretation of a childhood experience that snowballed into decades of self-loathing. That single experience was enough, in his mind, to categorize himself as a predator. And from there, the beliefs only compounded.
Jeff attracted friendships with others who carried similar burdens—men who numbed themselves with drugs, who shared an air of hopelessness. After his father passed away, Jeff sought comfort from these friends, but their emotional unavailability left him feeling abandoned again. Anger turned to rage. He fantasized about violence, about ending it all. He wanted revenge on his friends. On women. On life.
Doing It His Own Way
Because Jeff is trans-attracted—a fact he didn’t understand or accept for years—his lack of romantic success was just another straw on the camel’s back. When dating didn’t go his way, he blamed women. He turned to the internet then, spending thousands on toxic “pickup” seminars that promised results but delivered only surface-level tactics.
So when Jeff first arrived at this practice, his negative momentum was strong. Still, he showed up.
But here’s the thing: Jeff didn’t initially follow the practice as prescribed. He did his own version of it. A version that felt safer. A version that didn’t challenge the deepest momentum. And while he was making progress, it was tortoise slow. His vibrational output was still rooted in old stories, and his manifestations, and progress, reflected that.
In one session, I did something I rarely do: I compared Jeff’s progress and consistency to other clients. Not to shame him, but to offer clarity. Sometimes, context catalyzes growth.
Jeff didn’t like being at the bottom of the leaderboard. So he got, in his words, “militant.”
The Leaderboard Moment Catalyzes Results
He started doing the Positively Focused practice exactly as it’s laid out. Daily. Precisely. No skipping steps or altering the processes. And just like that, something remarkable happened.
One full day into his newfound consistency, Jeff had a spontaneous experience he never could have scripted. He was walking down the street that night when a woman caught his attention. Not only did she strike up a conversation—she got his number.
And not only did she get his number, she took him out on a date. She paid for everything. They had a great time. They didn’t sleep together, but she followed up the next day, eager to connect again. For Jeff, this was unheard of.
This was not the result of hustling, manipulating, or contorting himself. It was the result of doing the vibrational work. He knew this. And it blew his mind. So much so, he sent me a message the next day:
It was, in short, a breakthrough. The kind that only happens when someone shifts from trying to fix life to allowing alignment to reveal what was always possible.
ThePushback Hits Hard
But old momentum doesn’t vanish overnight. And the Positively Focused practice is NOT magic. After his success, Jeff’s old beliefs pushed back. Doubt crept in. He began questioning whether he could trust the unfolding. Whether he deserved what he was starting to experience.
And instead of doubling down on the practice that created the shift, he went back to doing it his own way. A safer way. A less effective way.
In our next session, he admitted it.
“I got lazy. I let the old patterns take over again. And I know it doesn’t serve me.”
That moment of honesty was powerful. Because unlike before, Jeff didn’t spiral. He didn’t collapse into despair. He acknowledged it and used it to maintain awareness. That’s growth. That’s real mastery in motion.
Until he did the Positively Focused practice precisely, Jeff’s progress was tortoise slow. And so he suffered.
Jeff’s story isn’t about a woman or a date.
It’s about sovereignty.
When clients do the Positively Focused practice as it’s prescribed—without cutting corners, without trying to make it “fit” into old paradigms—they don’t just get what they want. They become who they are.
Jeff didn’t manifest a date. He manifested confirmation. Confirmation that the Universe is always ready. That life responds not to effort, but to alignment. That he is worthy of ease, joy, and intimacy, not because he earned it, but because it is his by nature.
The Real Victory
This is what happens when someone stops arguing with their worthiness and starts living from it.
The real success wasn’t the manifestation. It had nothing to do with that woman. The real success was Jeff’s realization that when he applies the tools with fidelity and devotion, his entire reality shifts. It was the feeling he tapped into—one of expansion, relief, and emotional resonance—that confirmed everything I’d been reflecting to him all along.
He had touched, if only for a few days, what it means to live the Charmed Life as the creator of his reality. And that moment—that sensation of truth—can’t be undone. Even when old patterns return, that frequency is now part of his vibration. It’s accessible. It’s real. And it’s waiting for him, always.
Now, I didn’t do this. Jeff did. He followed the practice and chose alignment. Then he allowed momentum to build. And in doing so, he proved to himself what’s possible. That’s what this work is about. Not fixing what’s broken, because there’s nothing broken. Instead, it’s about remembering what’s whole.
When clients take the Positively Focused path seriously, when they give themselves fully to it, they don’t just experience miracles. They become the miracle.
This week, one of my clients—let’s call her Jane —brought something to our session many people can relate to: growing frustration with her employer.
On the surface, it looked like a straightforward situation. Several tense conversations. Feelings of insecurity and uncertainty. Interpretations that had her feeling dismissed, unseen, and emotionally tangled for days. She described a kind of internal agitation — something wasn’t sitting right, but she couldn’t tell if she was overreacting or if her intuition was trying to warn her of something.
And here’s where it got interesting.
As we followed the threads deeper, Jane realized this wasn’t just about her current employer. It wasn’t even about the comment she was interpreting. It was about much older momentum surfacing through the lens of this moment — an ingrained belief that said: “To stay safe, you must remain agreeable. To be respected, can’t be authentic.”
It was the classic conflict between authenticity and survival. Between speaking in ways aligned with what she felt and believed and keeping the peace. Between honoring her intuitive knowing and fearing the fallout of rocking the boat.
Tears to laughter
As we continued, she began to see the real source of her discomfort: not her boss, but the internalized authority figure she carried inside. The one that mirrored every boss, teacher, parent, or partner who’d ever told her—explicitly or energetically—that her voice was too much, her insight inconvenient, or her sensitivity a liability.
The moment she saw that, her energy shifted. Her struggles remained, but they softened.
What she felt wasn’t wrong. She wasn’t being “too sensitive.” Instead past momentum was resurfacing to be soothed. It’s belief momentum that had once served her, but now only blocks the flow of her sovereignty and expansion.
And here’s the beauty: Soothing that momentum didn’t require confronting her boss. She didn’t need to demand validation or placate her. Her increasing clarity wasn’t about being right in the external world — it was about reclaiming her right to feel sovereign in her being. And therefore, to be able to express herself fully, authentically.
When I described what “reclaiming” looked like, she softened. Jane’s energy shifted more and tears turned to a little laughter. What had felt like emotional blockage revealed itself as expansion in the moment — a calibration to a new version of herself. One that no longer needs to dim in order to stay safe. One that doesn’t mistake tension for danger.
The leader is waiting
What I love most about this kind of session is that the breakthrough doesn’t come from pushing against the external world. It comes from remembering who and what we are.
That’s what the Positively Focused practice is all about. We don’t fix the world by wrestling with it. After all, the world doesn’t need fixing. It’s not broken. Nor are we. We’re not broken, nor do we need fixing. Instead, by realigning with our Broader Perspective the world reflects that alignment back to us.
But sometimes, nearly always actually, finding that alignment means letting life’s contrast serve us. Not as a warning, but as an invitation.
If you’ve had a moment recently where someone rubbed you the wrong way, consider that maybe it wasn’t about them at all. Maybe they were the perfect mirror, showing you in that moment where your expansion is ready to come through. And maybe that discomfort is also serving. It’s not that something has gone wrong, rather, your Broader Perspective is inviting you to expand.
Several people bursted into a fight outside my apartment yesterday morning. It was intense. “Ass” “bitch” and “nigger” flew from mouths with extreme vitriol. A woman was in pain. I didn’t hear the man as much. She took all the airtime and used that to take out all the compassion that probably once existed between them.
The argument sparked as I sat cross-legged in meditation. At first it distracted me. I sat contemplating dreams I had just moments before I awoke. But then I allowed an important, accurate realization; The fact that these furious people existed in my experience meant that what was happening outside my apartment also was happening inside me.
At that moment I stopped contemplating dreams. I gave my full meditative focus to the fight. Not the one out there, but the one in me, the one that had me a match to that experience outside. After all, that experience is in my awareness because something in me has me being a match to that.
Spiritual alchemy
That’s when I recalled a moment, not my best moment, when I was like those people outside my apartment. My ex-wife and I, ironically, had just came from an Abraham seminar. This was near the end of that marriage and we both were raw; not unlike those arguing outside this morning. And, like those folks, my ex and I got into an intense argument, again, not unlike what I witnessed this morning. All in a public space.
Recalling this, I got how I was a match to this fight unfolding outside my apartment. And so, like I did with my client this past week, I allowed myself to rise to an even higher vibration. One not of compassion for those folks, but of clarity that their experience, as awful as it may be for them right now, was a gift of transmutation, of spiritual alchemy, for me.
So I blessed them.
I knew in doing so, my high vibration, somehow, would influence their fight. Sure enough, right at that moment, their fight ended and calm returned outside. As that happened, a deep peace came over me. The same peace I felt when I reflected well-being to that client this week and her allergy symptoms went away.
A Return to Source
I know I am everything in my experience. Everything in my experience is a reflection of what’s inside me. Because of that, I can bring, what some people like to call, healing to the world. But only my inner world, which then gets reflected in the world outside, which is a reflection of the one inside.
Is it really “healing” though? That implies something is broken and that is never the case. What it really is, is personal expansion, a return to dynamic balance with the pure positive energy of All That Is, aided by the external reflection humans want to call physical reality.
I love knowing this. I love my experience this morning that had me come to such clarity. And I know in some small way, I changed the trajectory of those two who were in so much pain.
TL;DR: The author argues for being selfish as the way to create a happy life for everyone. They share a client’s experience in creating happiness to illustrate and support his argument.
Let’s talk about relationships. There’s a lot to talk about here. Mainly because humans feel relationships are one of the most, if not the most, important things. After all, we are told, we need relationships to be happy. Everything we do, need and want, it seems, comes through relationships. It is relationships with others that create community. Such relationships also create safety, belonging and a whole lot more.
And, if we’re honest with ourselves, relationships also offer the worst in humanity. Relationships with others are the framework through which some of humanity’s worst traits surface. Greed, conflict, psychopathy and violence all would be meaningless were it not for relationships.
So relationships aren’t all rainbows and butterflies, as the saying goes. We all know this. Just ask Israelis and the Palestinians. Relationships can suck. And yet, a lot about what we seem to be (human) seems to compel us toward relationships. Especially relationships with other humans.
There’s a far more satisfying and powerful relationship, however, one through which everything we want comes. It’s so all-encompassing, we literally can’t survive without it. And when we prioritize that relationship above all else, we can live our wildest dreams.
That relationship is what I’m writing about today.
Let’s dive in.
Over all else
The relationship I’m referring to has nothing to do with a god, especially the Christian god or Jesus. But this relationship does tap into the power Christians ascribe to their god.
The trouble with this relationship is, it’s as plain as the nose on our faces, and yet, we invariably prioritize other relationships ahead of it. And that out-of-whack prioritization creates all the troubles we have in other relationships. That’s because that which we could enjoy a relationship with wants our undivided attention. When we put our attention there, un-dividedly, everything else in life flows easily.
What relationship could I possibly be referring to?
The relationship with ourselves.
That’s right, there’s no better, no more powerful relationship than the relationship with ourselves. The reason why is because everything we see “out there” in the world springs from this relationship. So when we get this relationship where it should be – as our number one priority – then everything “out there” falls in line.
It doesn’t happen in an instant. That would be magic and magic isn’t a thing. But when a person prioritizes themselves over all else, then gradually, all else reflects the improvement inherent in prioritizing a relationship with themselves over all else!
Selfishness: a virtue
That seems like circular logic, but, as I’ve written before, the Universe and All That Is functions in a circular logic way. All That Is exists to joyfully know itself. The paradox of that is, the more it seeks to know itself, the more of itself it creates. This process makes All That Is – and you and me – eternal. So the more All That Is seeks to know itself, it creates more of itself to know. That’s the glorious circular process often described in ancient teachings.
Now, some might argue that prioritizing one’s self over others leads to selfishness. I completely agree. But I know selfishness is not bad. In fact, it’s the best way to be – oriented solely to self. Because when one lives that way, they discover everything else, including other people, are able to take care of themselves, leaving the person free to be, enjoy and lavish their life.
Indeed, when we put ourself first in all things, we stop trying to change circumstances over which we have no control. Letting go of such tasks feels better and better. And when we feel better, the world around us reflects that better mood back to us. It reflects it in ever-improving life experiences.
So, really, we have control of all of our experience because experience reflects back to us our inner state. And when we prioritize our inner state – our relationship with ourselves – then our life experiences reflect that improved inner state.
We also emanate love and other higher emotions. That’s because when we seek to know ourselves, which is aligned with what the Universe does always, we can’t help but feel the eternal joy that is Universal consciousness.
Put it to the test
That previous section may sound like a bunch of “New Age” hooey. But when practiced, over time, it proves accurate. Abraham says “Words don’t teach. Life experience does”. That means I can write forever about how powerful what you’re reading is. But nothing compares to evidence produced by your lived experience.
So if you’re having trouble believing this stuff, I suggest you prove it to yourself. Become the evidence you wish to see, as Eckart Tolle puts it.
So how do we prioritize the relationship with ourselves?It doesn’t seem easy when the entire outside world encourages prioritizing others over ourselves. So it takes practice. It helps to know that a “self” exists in us worthy of our undivided attention. That “self” is the “god in human form” I write about in this blog. Discovering its existence is easy.
The best way to do that is by testing Positively Focused premises, which are summed up in the phrase “you create your reality”. As a person tests these premises, they create or manifest, experiences, people and things, that come in surprising, seemingly coincidental ways.
But when so many of such manifestations happen over and over, the person must acknowledge something other than “coincidence” is at work. That acknowledgement is just like acknowledging there is a self worthy of having a relationship with. Paradoxically, the person testing these premises, once they start seeing things happen, will want more things to happen. As more happens, they also get more bold: they want bigger things to happen.
As their desires grow in scale or magnitude, their trust grows. Their trust in themselves and in this self they are building a relationship with.
Betrayal births bitterness
Growing that relationship brings a necessary letting go of beliefs keeping us all prioritizing others over ourselves. As we let go of them, we might have to face hard-seeming choices. Sometimes that looks like cutting off certain people, including family members. Sometimes it looks like making pretty sweeping career changes.
For example, a client recently faced having to cut off her daughter. Her daughter, the epitome of a hellion, raked the client over all kinds of emotional coals throughout their 20-year relationship. The client believed she had to be there for her daughter, despite the poor treatment, because that’s “what parents should do”.
Little did she know she created the belief “that’s what parents should do” after her parents did something the client considered unconscionable.
Throughout her youth, her parents promised her they’d save for and pay for her college. But when the client was 16, the parents reneged on their promise. The client had to pay her own way. Because of this she felt her parents betrayed her. She bitterly resented their decision and that bitterness festered within her.
Prioritizing ourselves sometimes requires hard-seeming choices. (Photo by Courtney Kammers on Unsplash)
An angel disguised as a hellion
The betrayal was personal for her. So, when she had a child out of wedlock, something she didn’t want in the first place, the client swore to “make things right” by not doing to her daughter what her parents did to her.
The problem with all of that is the Universe has an amusing way of showing us all how such beliefs aren’t in our best interest. In the clients case, the Universe gave her a hellion. And boy, did this young person torture my client in so many ways!
She was making the client miserable. Little did the client realize, her daughter was an angel the client sent herself. The angel’s mission: to teach the client she has everything she needs within her, to stop blaming her parents, and to put herself first.
After weeks of learning to prioritize herself through the Positively Focused Way, the client, after one particularly harrowing conversation with her daughter, decided to put herself first. She cut her daughter off.
The relief she felt was immediate. And, as days went by, her relief grew.
Doubling down
Thirty days in, she was feeling great. But then, her old created reality, born of her belief “that’s what parents should do” reasserted itself. Her daughter reached out. The client felt pulled by her belief to reconnect. Which is what she did. This is not unusual.
Typically, when this kind of thing happens, a client will have an epiphany making their life much better. But then, old belief momentum draws them back into their old way of being, the way of being they left behind. This dynamic always shows the client why they would have been better off not letting that happen.
But there’s no way clients can get it wrong. For these kinds of “set backs” actually amplify their commitment to put themselves first. Which is exactly what happened with this client.
That reconnection was horrible. And it reminded the client what had been absent for 30 days. It also put those past 30 days of relief, peace and ease in proper perspective. She wanted more of that. So she doubled down on cutting her daughter off.
The way to relief
Two weeks after her recommitment her husband said something remarkable over dinner.
“You seem really happy,” the client said her husband said. The client told her husband she did feel happy, happier than she had in decades. The husband credited that return to happiness to his wife cutting her daughter off. But the client knew it was primarily because she was putting herself first and that caused her to make a choice she otherwise would not have been able to do.
A week later, her husband once again noticed.
“It’s so good seeing you so happy,” he said. The client replied that she was returning to the self she knew before her daughter “happened”.
Now, it’s not that the client dislikes her daughter. She loves her and wants the best for her. But she realizes that, to be happy, she must put herself first. And when she does that, she thrives. And as she thrives, eventually, so will her daughter. That must happen because the client’s experience and everything in it, including her daughter, reflects back to her her inner state. Her daughter’s behavior was reflecting turmoil within the client. Turmoil born of expecting her parents to have put her first, when, obviously, they couldn’t.
Their decision not to pay for their child’s college was the right thing: they had to put themselves first. The client was making them wrong for doing what they knew was right. And so, the Universe, through her daughter, was showing the client the way to relief.
It’s all choice
And that’s the thing about realizing what comes from putting ourselves first. We realize no one is responsible for our happiness but us. And, no one can make us happy but us. Any other happiness source is fleeting, capricious and fickle. As such, such happiness sources are not in our best interest to put before the one relationship that really matters.
Meanwhile, as I mentioned before, everything in our experience improves when we do this. And so, the client’s daughter’s life must also improve, as she learns what her mother did: That she must put herself first and stop relying on her mother for her happiness…or anything else, including tuition, food and rent.
Relationships, from the Positively Focused Practice perspective, are not about people coming together, planning together, working out problems, coming up with solutions together, compromising, and investing in and extracting from each other what they need, all while claiming to love one another. Rather, each person is 100 percent responsible as a creator for creating the best version of their life and any relationship for THEMSELVES.
When they do that, the whole world improves, but only for that person. In the meantime, those choosing a different life way fade out of that person’s experience. Then those reflecting the person’s choice show up as reflections of that made choice.
This explains why so much variety in life experience exists. It’s not luck. Nor is it fate. What it is is people choosing, either deliberately or not, then the world reflecting the nature of that choice.
It’s all about unconditional love
This means, first cultivating a strong relationship with one’s self is paramount. When that happens, life reflects back to the person only the best things in life, because that’s just what happens when one puts themselves first.
Then, and only then, can a person create better versions of life AND better versions of people in their lives. They create versions of people by coming into the presence of another with their relationship with themselves so secure, that that other person has no choice but to reflect back to the creator a version of them matching what’s going on in the creator.
And when the creator achieves that, sees the person exhibiting the version of themselves the creator envisioned, and then revels in that, the manifestation of evidence of their creation, then that person being created feels that reveling as unconditional love for them. And that changes that person irreparably.
That’s why selfishness is so important. It can literally change human relationships. It does that through love, which is what ourselves have in abundance for us.
And that’s how we can influence others in the best way. “Influence” happens whether we know we’re doing it or not. Unfortunately, for most of us, we’re using that influence by recreating versions of people we don’t like, by complaining about their behavior, wishing they were someone that they’re not, or complaining in general.
Meanwhile the one relationship that empowers us to have a different experience of all we experience awaits us. That relationship is all unconditional love. And when we prioritize that relationship, we become that: Unconditional love.
TL:DR: The author asserts that vulnerability isn’t key to relationships as many mental health and relationship experts claim. Rather, it’s actually a problem the author says. They then explain why it’s better to focus on one’s thoughts and beliefs in order to create better relationships. In doing so, people get everything they want: better relationships and freedom from fear that comes with trying to be vulnerable.
Vulnerability. Mental health and relationship “experts” claim it’s something special. They say it’s something we all should practice in order to thrive in relationship. But is vulnerability really the key to happiness, relationship success and more? Or is something afoot here that can disempower us?
In this post, let’s explore why vulnerability is a myth and how dispelling the myth can help us live more joyfully. Along the way we may just also discover the key to everything else we want.
Why humans vaunt vulnerability
Vulnerability is both feared and praised. We fear it because it implies possible rejection. We praise it because we’re told to. Being vulnerable can also feel good because we’re putting ourselves out there honestly. And doing that can feel good. For most though, it can be terrifying.
But what is “vulnerability” exactly? The definition doesn’t seem to imply something praise-worthy:
So it would seem, based on the definition, that being vulnerable is a bad thing. So why do people vaunt it so much? One source suggests being susceptible to physical or emotional attack or harm increases intimacy and trust. Not being vulnerable, it says, can lead to emotional distance, disconnection and resentment.
It would seem being vulnerable then is essential to good relationships. But is that really the case?
Rejection inherent in vulnerability
The trouble with saying it improves relationships is that being vulnerable usually requires a quid-pro-quo situation. I would suggest everyone would be vulnerable in a relationship….if their partner were equally vulnerable. That’s the trouble. No one really wants to subject themselves to physical or emotional attack. It seems extremely logical to me, then, that no one wants to be vulnerable in a relationship either. Which explains why people aren’t.
But there’s something about this vulnerability thing that runs afoul of what’s really happening in physical reality. It’s that being vulnerable is based on something that isn’t happening in reality at all. Well, it IS happening. But only because people believe it’s happening. And that belief is what perpetuates fear associated with being vulnerable.
In other words, the myth of vulnerability is what keeps people from being vulnerable in the first place. Replace the word “vulnerable” with a different word, for example, and the whole calculus changes.
What word do we suggest? How about authenticity.
That’s right. If instead of thinking about being vulnerable, we think of being authentic, then we go a long way to easing fear that comes with being vulnerable. The problem remains however, with the essence of what both words conjure: the risk of being harmed. And in most relationship cases, that “harm” looks like “rejection.”
So let’s unpack that.
Our thoughts make it so
In order to be vulnerable, a condition must first exist. That condition is risk. In other words, the person considering being vulnerable or authentic must first believe there is something they may be rejected over. Rejection can feel bad, but a simple reframing of the story we tell when “rejection” is experienced can cause that bad feeling to turn into appreciation.
What if, for example, someone rejects us because we share something intimate about us? Does that mean anything? What does it mean about us? It means nothing really. We shared authentically. That person chose something else. In this situation, both parties are better off. We’re free to connect with someone who accepts us. The other party is free now to connect with someone they connect with.
Where’s the harm in that? But when we think the rejection means something about us, then we feel bad.
We can see, then, the act of rejection isn’t bad, instead it’s what we think of it that makes it bad. The same is true for being vulnerable. It’s the thought about being vulnerable that makes it so scary. Our thoughts about it make being vulnerable a vaunted thing as well.
As we say all day every day here at Positively Focused, our thoughts make everything. Including the need to be, and the fear of being, vulnerable.
Preferring rejection
Being vulnerable means having to take a risk. Hardly anyone wants to take risks. But if there is no risk in being authentic, if instead there’s everything to gain by being that way, I would suggest many more people would be authentic.
Again, the problem is the thoughts people have about rejection and what they think that means.
Vulnerability then, isn’t the problem. Making it into a venerated way of being is. Because doing so makes it seem doing something we’re scared to do is something worth doing. It’s not. Instead, it’s better to develop a new set of thoughts around authenticity so that acting authentic is preferable to not acting that way.
That’s easy to do. And it’s not scary. When we do it, the vaunted idea of being vulnerable becomes meaningless. And when that happens we’re free; free to be who we are. Whether people take that or leave that is up to them. It’s not our problem.
So there’s nothing special about being vulnerable. And, with a little tweaking of our thoughts, we can eliminate that concept from our minds, thereby freeing us to be. Now let’s turn up the woo a bit and see what we find.
Some would rather have this happen than be vulnerable. But there’s a better approach to vulnerability. (Photo by Hasan Almasi on Unsplash)
Finding power in changed belief
Believing vulnerability is a thing presupposes there’s something that can happen to us that’s beyond our control. Usually, that something is bad: rejection. From the Positively Focused perspective, however, nothing can happen to us that is beyond our control. We invite everything that happens to us through our thoughts and beliefs.
If that’s true, we can see how vulnerability would be a problem. That’s because it presupposes risk. Belief that there’s risk is a belief. That belief will create reality consistent with it. And that explains why so many fear being vulnerable. It also explains why it feels scary.
Rejection is similar. There are many thoughts and beliefs around “rejection”. Those thoughts and beliefs, like those behind “vulnerability”, create reality consistent with them. That’s why hardly anyone wants to feel rejected.
Change those beliefs though and the experience changes. This explains why very successful sales people, for example, don’t experience “no” as rejection. They think different thoughts and beliefs around the word “no”. This also proves it’s possible to change our beliefs around things like “vulnerability” and “rejection”. Doing so makes one much more powerful.
Beliefs matter…a lot
So if we invite our experience through our thoughts and beliefs about them, that means something important. It means that being vulnerable isn’t the key to anything. Instead, our thoughts and beliefs are. Indeed, thoughts and beliefs are everything. They literally create the world around us.
The better beliefs we hold, the better our life gets. My clients are discovering this. The more they change their beliefs to positive, empowering ones, the better their lives get. My experience is similar. The more I’ve changed how I think and what I believe, the more my life has improved. So much so, hardly anything “bad” happens to me. And those “bad” things that do happen are so insignificant, I don’t consider them “bad”. They just are.
In a short while, a person can create an ideal life, what I call the Charmed Life. This is true for relationships too. We don’t need to experience risk in relationship. But getting there requires something: not being vulnerable. Being vulnerable is a myth. Instead, what’s needed is a new way of thinking. One that invites only good. Including good relationships, ones matching what we’re wanting.
And if that relationship matches what we want, is risk needed? I don’t think so.
Rather than experience risk and fear at being vulnerable, I suggest we give up this myth. Let’s replace it with something better. Something like knowing we create our reality. And the more true we are to who we are, the better realities we create, including relationships.
By “true” I mean being positive, happy and easy. Easy with ourselves and easy with others, so that we create an easy life. One in which we can be ourselves. An in doing that have everything we want.
TLDR: Relationship Anarchy (RA) challenges traditional relationship norms by advocating for love without entitlement and relationships defined by personal values. However, the term’s negative connotations and anarchist affiliations have created misunderstandings. Despite RA’s merits, it cannot eclipse the ultimate relationship with one’s Broader Perspective, which provides unconditional love and fulfillment beyond what any human partnership can offer.
A relatively new relationship dynamic is emerging. More people find it a satisfying way to express themselves romantically and intimately while finding companionship. It’s called Relationship Anarchy (RA).
In this post we’re going to look at this new dynamic relationship model. Instead of getting into it deeply, we will compare it to what we recommend regarding relationships. That’s because, it’s a definite improvement on humanity’s past “success” with relationships. But it still falls short of the ultimate relationship: that one relationship that gives us everything we want. Including satisfying relationships.
So let’s take a look at Relationship Anarchy. Then let’s contrast that against the ultimate relationship. The only one through which we get everything we want.
What is RA?
Andie Nordgren coined the phrase Relationship Anarchy in 2006. Her English manifesto on the matter, written in 2012, gives broad strokes on what it looks like. The way Andie describes it, RA sounds great!
Among the broad strokes is the assertion that love is abundant. RA says entitlement runs rampant in traditional relationships and that entitlement should be replaced with love and respect. Andie recommends that people define their values, then use frequent communication to infuse their relationship with those values, alongside a partner who shares them.
The biggest shift from traditional relationships is Andie’s suggestion to “customize” one’s relationship and commitment. Rather than relying on social norms, Andie says, we should define our relationship on our own terms while ignoring society’s expectations.
It’s no wonder then that Wikipedia includes RA in its non-monogamy andpolyamory series.
Anarchist affiliations…not good
And while Andie describes it optimistically without comparing it to something else, Wikipedia takes a different tack. And this is where problems start to show up.
That’s because the word “anarchy” itself is problematic. It brings a lot of bad interpretations to the table. Further, most people familiar with the term see anarchy as destructive. Even though anarchists claim the concept to be quite constructive. Historically, the movement has not been constructive, however.
The result is anarchy is seen predominantly as “anti-“. It’s also often associated with violence.
We can’t be “anti” something without enflaming that thing we’re against. Which explains why anarchists have made virtually no progress in creating society based on its merits.
And that brings us back to RA. And Wikipedia.
The anti relationship
The Wikipedia entry on RA describes its principles as pretty much anti-everything. At least when it comes to relationships. I would argue Andie doesn’t see RA that way. Andie’s characterization is fresh, positive and encouraging. But the Wikipedia entry. Well, see for yourself:
Indeed, this article, featuring two people in an RA relationship, speak in similar language. They contrast and define their relationship by what it’s not, comparing it to existing, undesirable relationships (according to them).
Now it could be the Wikipedia contributor who wrote the article is biased. He could interpret “anarchy” as “anti”. But the article linked in the above paragraph also characterizes RA as a “political” take on relationships. One trying to redefine what relationships look like. One also striving to “fix” power dynamics some RA believers think are bad.
But can we really define something based on what it is not? I think Andie does a better job describing the concept. It seems, however, many took the concept in a different direction.
The best relationship
Which brings me to the point of this piece. RA is great. It’s offers a fresh view of relationships. It certainly offers better options. Better options for those who feel uncomfortable with amatonormative edicts. It’s therefore not surprising the couple in this article includes both a trans person and a queer woman.
And yet, all relationships with other people fall short when compared to the one relationship that gives us everything we want. That is, our relationship with our Broader Perspective. While it’s nice finding love in another’s eyes, that love will nearly always be conditional.
Even in an RA relationship.
For even there, a person must find connections with people who have similar values. That makes sense. But even then, people will sometimes end up in conflict. What the couple does in that case depends a lot on how stable they are within themselves. And there’s no better stability than that found in our Broader Perspective.
Besides, our relationship with our Broader Perspective opens us to a love causing other loves to pale in comparison. It’s strong. It’s lasting. Our Broader Perspective’s love literally overwhelms us in its depths. And it feels freaking great!
Furthermore, through our Broader Perspective, everything is possible. Including finding the perfect partner. That is, if one wants that. This relationship is the best relationship out there. In so many ways it offers what human ones cannot.
When we put our Broader Perspective relationship first, others happen easily. (Photo by Oziel Gomez on Unsplash)
Literally everything we want..including freedom from death
Our Broader Perspective relationship is here to lead us to everything we want. All our desires get fulfilled through it. Our Broader Perspective constantly showers us with that which we’re wanting. When we put that relationship up front, those things flow easily into our reality.
Human partners can help us get things. They can connect us with jobs. They may even connect us with financial opportunity. But those too often come through filters, filters that often aren’t in synch with what we really want.
In other words, our Broader Perspective knows us best. It knows what will thrill us. It knows the best path to everything we want. Whether that be a material thing, or something else.
But the biggest thing that relationship offers is something no human can touch. It offers freedom from the fear of death. I know, that sounds crazy. After all, so many of us are too busy living. Too busy living to think about death.
Well, it seems that way.
But most people’s fear of death is front and center in their lives. It’s one reason people worry about time running out. Their fear of getting old has its basis in death. So does their fear of being single.
Fear of death takes many forms
The fear of death is pervasive in the world. It doesn’t feel like it’s about death though. That’s because the fear hides behind other fears.
What kind of fears? Fears of being cast out of a group, for example. The fear of losing one’s job is another. The fear of being unable to support one’s family is yet another. As is the fear of one’s human partner betraying us. There are plenty more.
These fears mimic the ultimate fear, which is the fear of dying.
And so people respond to all these fears in predictable ways. They’re impatient. They’re demanding. They are desperate. And in that, they cut themselves off from the one thing that can relieve them of all these fears and more: their Broader Perspective.
The fear of ending up here can take many forms. (Photo by davide ragusa on Unsplash)
Now I’m not saying don’t have human partners. What I am saying is, first, ground ourselves in the one partnership giving us everything we want. Including the beating of our hearts and the breath we take.
And when one finds that, there’s little “need” for anything else. Because everything else naturally flows from there. Including human love.
I’m in favor of RA. I wish it had a different name. RA is closer to the Broader Perspective love I’ve described in this post than many of the other relationships humans form. Including parent-child relationships. There’s still a ways to go though.
The better it gets the better it gets
And isn’t that the great thing about life experience? There is always a ways more to go. Because life is eternal. We never get to the end. We’re never perfect. But in the perfection of the now, we are perfect. Not perfect as in “complete”. Not perfect as in “done”. But perfect in our becoming more.
Standing there, I see this RA concept fitting what I want in partnership. With my stability rooted in my Broader Perspective, I know what I’m wanting is on the way. I’m eager to see it unfold. I’ve had tastes of it. And I’m patient for further unfolding.
Andie’s onto something. I’m eager to learn more about RA. But I’m clear something better exists. I enjoy that something now. Which allows me to feel excitement. Excitement and joy about those finding satisfaction in RA.
Good partnerships elude many. That’s because many look there for something that’s not there. Something that only comes from a relationship with themselves. I write this blog to show people how to “know thyself”. And in doing that, find happiness from within. Instead of looking for it outside themselves.
My clients consistently find that happiness. Along the way, they get more of what they want too. Their examples fill me with eagerness. They also amplify my own happiness. A happiness that gets better and better.
Maybe you’re ready for your version of that? If you are, contact me. Let’s get you started. Let’s find out how “better” life can get.
