“My husband recognized how happy I am. I told him ‘It’s because I work with Perry!’”
Jessica came to the Positively Focused Practice with a hellion of a child. Her child was the product of a previous relationship with a man who, himself was equally emotionally abusive. That relationship ended in massive upheaval, leaving Jessica to contend with an apple that didn’t fall from the tree: Her daughter was a splitting image of the daughter’s emotionally-abusive father.
Jessica came to the practice at her wits end. She had lost her joy for life and was desperate for any solution. Examining her Belief Constellations, we discovered the source of this reality that had Jessica at the end of her rope.
Our beliefs create our reality. “Reality” includes other people. People we create in our experiences are there for the same reason the rest of our realities exist: they show us what’s in our vibrational mix so we can do something about that and, in doing that, create an inner climate of joy.
Do that and our external reality must reflect that improvement back to us in the form of an improved physical life experience. That includes better versions of the people we are creating. People in our experience, therefore, especially those who push our buttons, are angels we send to ourselves to prod us (or drag us kicking and screaming) to the better realities we desire.
In Jessica’s Belief Constellation was the belief “Parents should be there for their children no matter what”. Now that sounds like a morally “true” way to be and most people would agree with it. But it’s also extremely limiting. Especially if you’re here in physical reality for the joy of expansion. Especially if you’re here to live your own life and your parents, believing this, shelter you from the contrast of life experience –– the very thing that gives birth to your desires.
“Parents should be there for their children no matter what” was a belief Jessica created after experiencing a formative experience at the hands of her own parents. Jessica’s parents promised that they’d pay for Jessica’s college when she was ready to go to school. But when the time came, her parents told their daughter that they were not going to be able to pay for her college.
That may not sound like an affront to us. But teenage Jessica let that decision devastate her. The intense emotion she brought to the experience and the conclusion “my parents betrayed me” was strong enough to create a reality for Jessica that lead to her current situation with her daughter.
In other words, her daughter arrived to help Jessica let go of this limiting belief (among others). It took Jessica a while to acknowledge all of this. It was very hard for her to give up blaming her parents. It was also hard for her to get that she was creating a version of her college-age daughter that treats her this way specifically to free herself from blaming her parents.
It was very, very hard for her to do what she knew she must because it meant going against the strong momentum of her belief. But she had to do it. She had to cut her daughter off.
After doing so, her daughter turned up the volume of abuse towards her mom. This is normal. Existing reality will always confront and push against an emerging, new reality. The daughter’s behavior essentially asked Jessica “just how far are you willing to go in creating a reality you want?”
Thankfully, Jessica said “all the way”. Mainly because of how she felt after 30-days of cutting her daughter off. After a month of no contact with her daughter Jessica said “I feel a tremendous sense of relief, as though I was in a hostage situation and that situation is over.” About three months later, Jessica came to the session smiling.
“(My husband) said this past week “Honey, you’re so much happier these days”” she said. “He thought it was because I was no longer in contact with (my daughter). That was part of it, but the bigger part of it is that I’ve been working with you. So I told him ‘It’s because I work with Perry!’”
What’s really cool is, as Jessica soothed resistance she had about her daughter, a new version of her daughter began emerging. It started with the daughter no longing leaving berating voicemails on Jessica’s phone. But then, a big shift happened.
“I got a voicemail from [my daughter],” she explained in a tone clearly indicating she knew what was happening. “She said she’s ready to have a new relationship with me. One that’s based on us being kind to one another. I can see how this is me creating a better version of her. But the best thing about all of this is, I’m the happy version of myself that I used to be.”
This was a remarkable shift for Jessica. But it’s just what happens when someone creates reality at the source from which their reality emerges: their beliefs. Do that and everything in life changes. Including other people.